Wednesday, December 31, 2008
My Gal and I were both told to call her with Hcoma, not alone. She isn't ever effective alone.
She makes a channel for water to run. She finds the weak points that allow erosion. She allows water to filter through the soil to nourish plants. I asked if deserts were the lack of her presence. She said no. Deserts were a lack of water. Should water appear, she would be there to help it move and drain.
I asked her for a vision and she made that which Hcoma has given me three-dimensional. Very cool.
She said she could help me respond better in dreams. By 'better' she meant with more thought.
It is very difficult to remember conversations with her.
The session was flat because the contact was not as strong. I didn't feel like I'd met her halfway. She had to come a long way down to see me.
I wasn't overjoyed because I don't believe everything I hear from spirits. Sometimes, they mean one thing and I interpret the words in some other way. Other times, the lines of communication aren't what they should be. In short, communication with spirits is just as fraught with miscommunication as human to human conversation.
Therefore, I listen, record and wait for confirmation. If this technique works and folks get healed great. If not, that is all right. I will continue to seek.
Last night, I had lucid dreams. Actually, it was one very long lucid dream. I banished a mean looking clown several times from the back seat of my car, much to My Gal's distress. She didn't like me banishing it. We fled folks with guns during the non-lucid part. Eventually, in a lucid state, saw my mentor. I asked him about the clowns. He took me to see someone with dark leathery skin, who may have been dead, to throw runes for me. It said, "The clowns are obviously..." I will keep that part to myself.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
He warned me that this may be difficult for me emotionally. It isn't that I am not psychic. It isn't that I am not aware. It isn't because I am a major hard-ass. I am closed because I am too sensitive, too aware of the other person's suffering, and therefore I had to close off. I can now intellectualize compassion and universal love but I feel them only rarely. I kept asking him to help me break through the cocoon.
Eventually, a flower unfolded. The red petals were those of the rose cross. Then there was a different flower unfolding. This has more needle-like petals in orange. I arose from its midst encased in glass. The glass was my karma. To be free, I had to break the glass but it would hurt. There was a rock in my hand. I did not hesitate to smash it against that which confined me. Glass fell all around.
The visuals were cool. The sense of peace nice. Time will tell if any short or long term change emerges.
Then again, this could be test to see if I will keep going with the Enochian work when faced with such a decision. To quote Bugs Bunny, "He don't know me very well, do he?"
Bugs pic from: http://www.dan-dare.org/FreeFun/Games/CartoonsMoviesTV/BugsBunny.htm
Monday, December 29, 2008
I recited the first, second and fourth calls. As soon as I called her name, I saw ocean. Even so, from start to finish everything was flat. She asked my why I called when I've been talking to her without all the ritual. I said that I wanted to see if she had anything to add or if the ritual enhanced communication. She seemed indifferent. I asked her about the vision I see every time I think of her. She explained and told me that if I could expand that outside of myself, I could heal those who stood near me. I asked if that was her will that I should do this thing. She said, she didn't care but she thought it would enhance my life as I've always wanted to heal.
There wasn't much to this one.
Oh, on the housekeeping front, I cleaned out the rain gutters on the garage side of the house. I am amazed at this odd ambition but I am not fighting it.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
This weekend, a couple of things were accomplished that I had very little to do with. My brother-in-law is staying with us. He repaired a cabinet that was pulling out of a wall creating a draft. I have no idea what that will save me in energy but if it was only two dollars a month. I will save those two dollars every month for quite a long time. Total cost to me, zero.
He also found some parts to repair my vacuum cleaner. They should arrive next week. Total cost to me, zero.
He and My Gal, also rehung the closet doors in my office. They had fallen off the sliding rail long ago. My office looks much better now. Cost to me, about twenty dollars.
I, with help from my Gal, did every bit of laundry in the house besides what we are wearing now.
Yes, this has everything to do with Enochian. The low cost may have something to do with some spirits from the Lesser Key of Solomon. Maybe not. I don't know.
When I reached XCAI, I said, "Are you XCAI?"
"Are you the true and holy angel from the tablet of union?"
"Did we contact you the last time?"
"What was that?"
"It was not of us but it was. You will not understand that." (Note: My Gal was also told she would not understand something in this session.)
"Why did we get that?"
"You must to pronounce every letter until you know which are silent."
Apparently, we did not enunciate the A properly.
"Yes, I know and you know we know..."
"What is your scent?"
"Rose. This is why you recoiled at the smell of the frankincense. I am much more particular about scent than Exarp." I found this interesting because Exarp's scent was of all blooming flowers. EHNB was of rose.
"What are you?"
"I manifest air. Exarp is air. I am that which allows air to manifest on all planes." I had an image/thought that involved the manifestation of air on all planes in a descending motion." My Gal received a visual picture of this as well. Same concept but a much different way of expressing his/her task.
"Was the vision [of the bandaged hand] from Exarp?"
"Dealing with Exarp will give you external visions. Hcoma will give you internal visions."
I asked, "Is it best to call you alone or with Exarp?"
"It doesn't matter. Alone we will have different things to tell you. However, if you want something to manifest, ask us both. If we grant it, [it will manifest 'better' (Note: better is not the right word.)] We each have our limitations but together we have less." I had a feeling I heard the words but did not fully understand. I didn't know where to go so I asked, "Please share with me your wisdom that will make me a better magician, or person, or give me a deeper understanding of Enochian magick or whatever wisdom you would like to share."
"There is no wisdom I would like to share. You are going to write this as being a message from your ego [he was right about that] but I am going to tell you anyway. You are being taught to be an instrument of God's will. You are being taught how to do one thing. Unlike last time*, this will be of longer duration and you will see the value in your sacrifice. You will not feel negatively like you did the last time."
The table of practice is white with red lettering around the edges. A red cloth covers all that and the Sigillum Dei Aemeth. The table had turned white. I could see the letters in red. "Why is the table white?"
"When the table turns white that means the angel has manifested."
"Are you here?" I noticed something come to shape behind My Gal. We sit facing each other. The form was humanoid but indistinct. I looked at it and XCAI suddenly spread his wings. The entire east wall of my temple space was covered by feathers. They had a rainbow sheen. This was through the looking glass darkly. Had I seen that in full light, I'd likely have fallen backwards over my chair. The only word for it is "Awesome." He was showing me that he was 'a big boy'. This is serious stuff. He folded in his wings at flew up like a dart. Only he didn't move. "Why are you holding on to me?"
I have no doubt that he could have left any time he wanted. I have no idea how to 'hold on' to an angel. I was not aware of doing any holding on. "I seem to be very deep in meditation."
"Yes, I am helping you."
"I'd like to be able to do this on my own."
"Of course. You'd have to practice meditation to do that. You are spending a lot of time doing this. This will teach you that anyway." He ascended.
I had a very difficult time coming out of it. My eyes would not open. I had to force myself back to consensus reality. As I was doing so, the area behind My Gal felt like a void. When I opened my eyes, I was shocked to find her holding the scrying mirror to her face, her forehead against its glass.
* The "last time" refers to my entry into another occult tradition. My amateurish unbanished shamanic journeys told me that I would have only one purpose in that tradition. I was supposed to bring one person in. Then, horrible things would happen. I wouldn't say I brought in another. However, his arrival was heavily influenced by my presence. Then horrible things happened. I've been psychological plagued by them ever since. I am sure I suffer from some sort of occult PTSD as a result. Though, I seem to be getting much better, sorta.
P.S. Enochian magick kicks ass! I love this stuff.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
My goal is to have these down and then move on to memorizing the opening chant from DuQuette's Enochian Vision Magick. It isn't a fancy opening but it gets me 'there' when I'm reading it. I'd like to have the luxury of doing it sans the script.
Today, has been a day of house cleaning and a video game my brother-in-law got me hooked on. I've noticed that I am much more active around the house since doing Enochian work. I make an effort to clean things and keep them clean. I've thought about this a lot. I think this is simply one of the pleasant aspects of magick. Eventually, we are taught how to live like we want to live. Magicians change habits that have become obstacles. Sometimes, like with my house cleaning, these changes occur with very little effort. Other times, a great deal of energy must be applied but eventually the change does occur.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I dreamed I was on the moon. A dark wraith of some kind was in coffin like box. I touched its head which felt leathery. Perhaps the being had no skull as there was a lot of give to it. Suddenly, the thing tried to grab me and begged me to kill it. The dream ended.
Monday, December 22, 2008
The connection was not as strong in the beginning. He proudly stated that he was indeed Bitom. I asked why he seemed so distant and he said the moon is not right. He repeated this several times. I asked him if it was my moon or the physical moon. He responded, "What is the difference?"
"Is it my emotional state that is the problem?"
"No, it is the moon."
"Can we still communicate?" I asked.
"Yes, with some effort."
"Yes," He said, "I know you. Words have traveled. You have permission to work the fire tablet."
"If I could see you, what would be your color?"
"I am red and invisible. Invisible the higher."
I asked, "Are you physical fire."
"Tangentially. That is my grossest form. Fire is in everything. At the most subtle, fire is in ice, in the ocean. You may work my tablet but work the water tablet [extensively] first. You have a weakness in fire. You can live in fire, dance in the flames for so long. Work the water tablet first and call me again before working fire. You can use the fire table to [obtain something my HGA directed me to do]."
"If I could taste you?"
I heard two things simultaneously. "You can not taste me!" And, "Cinnamon"
And your scent, "Cinnamon"
I asked some things regarding the Enochian alphabet. I will not post his reply. However, he did give me two letters. I realized that he gave me the end of the word first, "But this is right to left, right?"
He was pleased, "Yes." Then he added, "This is a bad time. The moon..."
"May I use fire as a magickal experiment?"
"Yes and he gave me some words to use to do a specific thing." We actually talked for some time or so it seemed but this is all I can remember.
Notes: During the LBRP I noticed a bright blue figure in the east. An earthy figure was behind me. Red was to my left and yellow to my right. In short, this is not the color scheme I am used to. On the other hand, they were pretty bright.
I looked up the letters I was given. They spell the Enochian word for the letter F. Could this be fire? It would seem to be appropriate. I then looked at the letter F in an Enochian dictionary I have. The entry under F gave the meaning "visit"
My Gal had moon related discussions as well.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I suppose what is more impressive is a dream I had the other night after dealing with Nanta. I dreamed of my ex-wife. She confirmed the emotional state I perceived in the dream. I suppose more impressive, to me, is that my intuition has kicked up in ways that are useful, as long as I say nothing directly regarding the intuition. For instance, I scheduled one of my staff to repair something before it was reported broken. You can't actually tell someone that. You simply act in full knowledge just as if you've received the report via conventional means.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
I briefly 'walked' within this courtyard of the Palace of Versailles. I was walking near the building on the right of this picture. I do not recall the main entrance nor the building on the left being in the vision. I asked if this was the time of Marie Antoinette and told no it was before that. It was here that I learned the lesson of having but failing to use power. This was in the part of the session having to do with casting spells.
I should add that I was not the king of France. I was obviously in the governmental capacity at some level but I had no sense of being a political power.
Friday, December 19, 2008
For some reason, I felt compelled during My Gal's recitation of the first and second calls, to begin this post with the beginning prayer. So, here it is:
Teach me (O creator of all things) to have correct knowledge and understanding, for your wisdom is all that I desire. Speak your word in my ear (O creator of all things) and set your wisdom in my heart. Amen
After calling Nanta, I asked, "Are you there?"
"Yes," said a loud male voice.
"You are male."
"Yes," he said. The statement was a fact. "Death saddens you. Do not be sad. Death is nothing. Life and death are the same. She is where she needs to be. You are where you need to be. Death is nothing. Death is merely reabsorption. [I do that all the time.]"
I began, "I seek wisdom..."
"Yes. I know." He interrupted, "As you know, the words have traveled. Ask."
"If I could see you, what color would you be?"
"But black is not a natural color of earth."
"Think of a cave. The light does not reach the depths and you should go deeper. It was good that you called Hcoma. Had you not reached her first, I'd have yelled at you. You need to work with her more." I saw an angel in a deep black robe, a hood covered his face. This looked much like a classic image of the reaper but with no scythe.
"What is your scent?"
Freshly plowed field.
"What is your taste?" I was given a visual of mud in my mouth but I did not actually taste anything like I have with other Enochian angels. "What is your sound?" I heard the thud of a heavy rock falling onto earth. "If your sound was musical?" I heard the deep sound of wind passing through rocks as interpreted through a breathy flute.
"Please share with me you're wisdom."
"I have been trying to [but you keep asking questions]." I saw a gold crown upon my heart. "You are king of the earth." This had something to do with fire and earth but more than that I can not share. Some of you will know. Being told I am king of something smacks of ego and wish fulfillment. However, I record what I am told or hear. "All your spells will work. I will teach you spells to manifest your True Will on earth. You must learn to mix all the elements. You must learn to do things in the proper order just like you wouldn't leave one job until you had another. Work the tablet of earth. They will teach you how to be organized"
"Are you giving me authority over your tablet?"
"Whether I give it to you or you have it doesn't matter. Work the tablet."
Note: When he spoke of mixing all the elements, he was excluding earth.
I didn't feel like I hit this very well mentally but there was no question something was there. I only understood how deep I was until I tried to get back to a normal state of consciousness.
During the 1st and 2nd calls, I noticed that many words if not all, lit up the channel created by the Sigillum Dei Ameth on the astral.
The confirmation of this contact came from My Gal. I did not tell her about the sad news I received. Yet, many of her images were of death. I ask her to relate her tale to me before I spoke.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I was in the midsts of a Nazi occupied area and was either a Jew or friend of Jews. I think the former. I watched as various people made plans for avoiding death.
Someone, in the form of my sister, worked for the Nazi's and believed that if everyone just did as they were told, things would be work out. My spirit followed a young boy as he just figured out what was about to happen. He thought he found a hiding place hiding in the structural components of the roof. Below, 'we' knew, children were about to be slaughtered. As I moved away from that dream segment, I knew that something gave way and he fell to his death. I saw a woman who was trying to escape get caught and a black man revealed by a 'citizen' just before he could escape.
In the dream, I saw no violence. Only reactions to the potential violence all around. I left some dream segments just before very bad things happened. In one, I arrived just afterwards. If these type of things (dreams) happen when I follow her instructions before sleep, it will take a huge effort of will to continue with those instructions.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
As soon as she started, I felt my sphere vibrate differently. This felt like the right thing. Though, I am not sure that the calls were necessary. She would have come. She would have talked. She would have said things.
As soon as the calls finished, I sent out the specific call to the angel and asked, "Are you there?" She responded.
"I am here."
"Your voice, you float." I've never heard a floating sound before.
"Yes, I float."
"I seek wisdom. I seek to understand my undying soul that I may be closer to the ultimate creator."
"Yes," she said, "Words have traveled. I know you. Ask what you will."
"If I could see you, what color would you be?"
"I am the small things in the ocean." I did not see any images but her words struck images already in my mind. The image was of amoeba or plankton floating in the sea. Some part of my mind must have said something like, "But that isn't water." I don't remember hearing myself say that but I must have for she said, "Yes. I am life. From me is all the life on the earth."
"What is your sound?" The beach.
"What is your taste?" I asked.
"Brine, salt water. No matter what you ask, the answer is ocean."
"Are you fresh water?"
"Fresh water is the sea purified/changed to give land life by air and fire. Remember that."
"Please share your wisdom with me that I can understand."
Her voice from beginning to end repeated itself and said the same things in different ways. It was as if her words were carried on the peaks of two waves. Each message carried the same meaning but, used different words.
"The beach is not the only sound. There is also the sound on the surface of deep ocean. The beach is wave against earth. But there is another sound [away from land] that is wave against wave and wind. And there is another, at the tips of the waves, where the air takes my water from the sea. Listen for that sound."
I listened. I am not sure if she showed me wave tops or they came from my memory. My mind penetrated the image and placed itself between the wave crest and wind. Sizzle. The sound I heard was of something frying.
"Yes," came the voice of the angel, "Do you understand what I am telling you?"
"My angry words come from the surface of my ocean. The wind is my words carrying that emotion."
"Yes. Oceans are deep. You can try to calm the surface or you can go deeper. The first one [she did not say former], has not been successful. Have you thought of going deeper?"
Through the entire session, I felt underwater but not physically. I have no words to describe the peaceful but peculiar sensation. At these words, my depth increased.
"Can you show me how?"
"The water tablet can show you. Ask it in my name. Command it. With this tablet though, asking [gently] will work better. There is another sound in the depths. You will never hear that sound [as a physical body] but if you work the tablet you will hear."
At this point, I saw Harpocrate, Egyptian god of silence as pictured on the Thoth deck.
"Your soul is beautiful [that word meant something deeper] when you exercise your compassion. That is hidden by your words. Live in your depth. Seek your depth." There was more on this vein. Then she added,"Do not neglect the evil angels of the water tablet, not immediately. Work the tablet first and then, when you are ready the evil angels. Light often unfolds from darkness. What a beautiful light there is for you but you must not fear the evil angels. You must not fear the depths of your own soul. Go deeper."
"Can you teach me how to do that?"
"Just when you are waking or about to sleep. [instruction deleted] You can also call your angel Asmodel during the day. When you are angered or over hurried, [you are not deep.]"
Deeper and deeper I went. I could have stayed with her forever, such was the peace. I now understand the danger of undines. It is not their physical beauty that tempts the magician. The promise of physical beauty is merely the manifestation of the trap.
"You have stayed much longer than the others."
"Such is my nature. I can." She left unspoken that EHNB and Exarp can not stay as long. This appeared to be her nature and theirs more than my ability to hold them. Yet, she did not seem to want to go.
"Exarp said that my manifestation included saying what others do not wish to hear. Yet you showed me silence."
She answered, "Yes. Tell them what they don't want to hear. Yet be silent more. When you speak, the impact will be greater." We talked a little longer and then parted.
In this report, I used the word she. I believe the angels are without gender however, to our dualistic minds, they are perceived in certain ways. There is no doubt Hcoma is a she and the others are males. I understood her quite well. I think I took in a great deal of the depth of her meanings. She is so comfortable. In that is a danger. One could get very comfortable calling upon her to the exclusion of others.
I have never experienced a more emotionally satisfying act of magick. I know that somehow, I have changed this night. Though, that change may take some time to manifest. Patience is the watchword in this system.
This may disappoint My Gal a little. However, once the horizontal rows of this tablet are complete. I will have to move back to tattwas or geomantic figures. I do not want to get overly focussed here.
Balance is the watchword of the magician.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
In retrospect, his angry tone may have been a reflection of the stormy weather we were having last night. Hail fell.
Today, I was speaking with someone. Behind that person and to my right, stood a figure leaning on a single crutch. His head covered with a bloody bandage. His clothing worn. My eyes moved from the person I was speaking with to the figure. The wounded man disappeared immediately. My eyes fell to the hand of my coworker. A clear bandage, of the type used to hold an IV, was on the back of his hand. I could see the texture of the bandage quite clearly. I looked at the person's face and back to the hand. The bandage was gone.
I hesitate to give this any meaning at all. I only report a very clear vision. There was no difference between the astral vision and my waking vision in terms of color or quality.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tonight, I did all the chanting instead of switching line by line with My Gal. EHNB suggested that to her. I have one comment to that: I like that part! Once I searched deep within for the right rhythm and started rocking like a Hasidic Jew.
"Why did you call me?" His voice was demanding and a bit surly.
"I seek knowledge and wisdom. Complete unity with the divine." That last sentence was visualized rather than said.
"Beware that you do not overreach. First understand your undying soul."
I replied, "Thank you for that rebuke. What you said is true."
"Is what you just said sincere?"
"Yes. While I seek complete unity, you are correct that I should seek first to understand my soul. That is the first step. I may take no other but I will take that step."
"Ask of me what you will." The voice was still gruff and to the point but not as surly.
"What color are you?"
"Do not bother me with such things."
"If I could see you, what would I see?" I asked.
"You can not see me." Pause. I saw moving storm clouds. "You see my effects." Wind. He is analogy was that he is wind.
I do not remember if I asked him his taste or smell but both answers would be the same. He is all the flowers blooming in a wild field at once. I could both taste and smell that.
"Oh, I can be allergic."
"No, you are allergic to all the pollution in the air. That doesn't matter."
"What is your sound?"
I heard wind and then asked for a musical note. I heard a high pitched flute-like sound.
"Where do you manifest in my life?"
"In your thoughts that give birth and your words that erode."
"Do I often speak words that give birth?"
"No," he said, "not often."
"Can you teach me to speak words that create?" From this point on, I listened. I may have a mouth but this was an angel with something on his mind and I was not about to interrupt.
"You act as if erosion is a bad thing. You are not here to bring happiness. You speak what others are afraid to voice. Lo! Acursed is he that does his will for those whose fear he embodies will rebel against him. These thoughts that plague you are your downfall. Love those that hate[d] you. Love those that interfere. You are the magician. You must learn when to speak and when not. When you are in areas in which you wish to succeed, speak little but make your words count. When you are at work, SPEAK." He continued. "You have the right to call the tablet of air in my name. Ask of it what you will. Study it well. Learn it. Command it. Demand answers. Ask quietly [This was asking in a particular tone and mood]. Do not be afraid to command. Do not be afraid to ask. You call the air tablet under my name." This bit about the air tablet was repeated. He spoke as if he was trying to convey something that I was not understanding but only had a limited set of words to use. He repeated, I think hoping I would get a different message. I never did. Towards the end my body was getting tired, not my mind. He said, "You will dream. You WILL DREAM." My head felt just like the deep black void of the skrying mirror.
At some point, he made if very clear that his name is Exarp. The name is not pronounced E-Xar-Pey.
I find it interesting that My Gal perceived him as a bit grumpy as well. She was also not given a form. It appears we received the same fellow. My message was more microcosmic. Her imagery was more macrocosmic. Though, there were some words spoken directly to her. His mood was the same. At the end he also told My Gal to sleep. Me to dream, her to sleep. Sounds close to the same to me.
Overall, I'd rate this a success. This fellow was loud and unmistakable. The shared imagery was a good indicator of success.
This looks short. It did not feel as if this passed in an instant.
Addendum: I forgot to add this originally. Within his long speech he said, "The storm that I am in your mind will clear the debris. Afterwards, there will be peace. Peace. But, Lo, the winds will blow long before the peace comes. Patience."
Sunday, December 14, 2008
My original plan was to stick with Lon's Enochian Vision Magick. I simply can't. Right now I am reading Practical Angel Magic of Dr John Dee's Enochain Tables by Skinner and Rankine. I have also picked up various other titles off my library shelves. Reference after reference to cleanliness appear such as this one, in the above referenced work. The comment is in regards to the Sworn Book of Honorius, which influenced Dee,
In Dee's efforts to get intellectual satisfaction from the angels, piety and cleanliness were paramount considerations. This grimoire stresses the purity of its intent, and not just in order to preserve its owners from possible ecclesiastical prosecution. In the opening paragraphs it says, "it is not possible that a wicked and unclean man could work truly in this art; for men are not bound unto spirits, but spirits are constrained against their will to answer clean men and fulfill their requests.
A half smart chimp can see that clean has a spiritual meaning here. That being said, other references actually refer to being physically clean. Due to unusual ambition on both our parts, My Gal and I are keeping a much cleaner home.
Lastly, I have written an article on prayer that I plan to submit for publication. While I have always wanted to be a published author, I have never submitted anything besides a few badly written poems from my youth.
Watching this process will be entertaining. I am wondering if these symptoms of contact will continue.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
The thought was that hierarchies are consistent theme in Lon's writings. The methodology to call the lowest of the angels is this: Three fold name of God; The King; The Seniors; the names of God of the quadrant; the subservient angel. As anyone knows, starting with the bottom of a bureaucracy will get you places if you only want to do the smallest of routine things. If you start in the middle, you may or may not get the help you need. However, if you start at the top, things really get moving.
Therefore, we started with ENHB, the primary angel of the tablet of union.
At first, I saw nothing. I came to accept the failure of the exercise and prepared myself to wait patiently for My Gal to finish. My thought was something like, "I didn't make contact." I heard an immediately reply, "Oh, yes you did. Sit up straight and listen."
I was about to write this in general bullet points but then I remembered the admonishing received at some point to write down everything as much will be revealed. I will not understand it all at first.
"You began in the correct place. Work the rest of the tablet [of Union] horizontally, then vertically."
"Why horizontally, if the vertical is of spirit?"
"This is your initiation. This work will be more all encompassing than your work with the GD." I felt fear. "It is is good that you fear. That means you are not stupid but you must get over it." I found myself on the bottom rung of a ladder. Part of my stayed and part of my scrambled up. "That part is your monkey," he said of the part racing up. The bottom rung is made of the entire tablet of union. As I climb up, I will be able to contact the lower angels of the tablet. My mind noticed the inverse pattern and he said, "Paradoxical, isn't it?"
Note: This is twice that patience was emphasized. The first time was the acceptance of not being successful. The second time was revealed by part of my staying on the first rung of the ladder. My Gal received an auditory speech on patience.
Eventually, I asked, why can I not see you? He said that I had not "yet" that skill but I was a good listener. I asked, "If I could see you, what color would you be?"
"White." I saw a humanoid figure in white with brown trim on the robes. I quickly realized this was gold trim and that the color matched the gold trim on the table.
I noticed the figure was holding a cup. "Why are holding a cup?"
"Because that," he said, "is how you perceive spirit."
He then made a gesture that I will not reveal. I asked of the gestures meaning. He did explain. The gesture had something to do with my path and how I should pray. This also, I can not share.
"If I could smell you, what would be your scent?"
"Any particular type of rose?"
"All of them. It doesn't matter."
"If I could taste you, what would be your taste."
"Acidic. Have you ever tasted a rose?"
I hadn't but I figured that was a rhetorical question.
"If I could hear you, what would I hear?" I heard a note. I didn't sound unpleasant but it didn't sound like a choir of angels either. Not being musical, I am not sure what this would ever do for me.
"Should where a particular color for the other angels?"
"No, your temple is excellent. Don't change colors."
"What scent should we burn for you?"
"Oh, you told me your scent was rose."
"Should we burn it?"
"Any form will do. A flower. Oil to anoint. Burning. "
I asked, "And for the others."
"Frankincense will do."
At some point, I could see the angel touching the back of my head and actually inserting fingers into it.
"I said that image can not be right. I must be getting tired."
"Yes," He said.
(Tablet of Union picture from: here)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
If you are thinking about working Enochian, be prepared to channel your inner maid. I am not a clean freak. I am borderline disorganized. My home has a 'lived in' look and feel. Yesterday, I cleaned a small area around a sink that was barely dirty but driving me nuts. Same for a small smudge on the guest bathroom wall. Then I cleaned one of the toilets.
My back is killing me tonight. I am so bent over that I have become a walking question mark. Yet, I have given the master bathroom sink, counter and mirrors a good cleaning. I've also cleaned out one of the cabinets in the kitchen. Did the dishes and did some light picking up.
The Enochian Angels are loud. I've noticed that when I call certain goddesses in the past they encouraged me to clean. This isn't encouragement. This is compulsion.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
|1.||acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles, as from study or investigation; general erudition: knowledge of many things.|
|2.||familiarity or conversance, as with a particular subject or branch of learning: A knowledge of accounting was necessary for the job.|
|3.||acquaintance or familiarity gained by sight, experience, or report: a knowledge of human nature.|
|4.||the fact or state of knowing; the perception of fact or truth; clear and certain mental apprehension.|
|5.||awareness, as of a fact or circumstance: He had knowledge of her good fortune.|
|6.||something that is or may be known; information: He sought knowledge of her activities.|
|7.||the body of truths or facts accumulated in the course of time.|
|8.||the sum of what is known: Knowledge of the true situation is limited.|
|1.||the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.|
|2.||scholarly knowledge or learning: the wisdom of the schools.|
|3.||wise sayings or teachings; precepts.|
|4.||a wise act or saying.|
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I've received a lot of messages about cleanliness since the tools have been completed and notice every unclean surface in my house. I asked what else I can do. Apparently, I can be more observant. I was then showed an hour glass. It was large and hovered over the table. I looked closely and noticed the sand moving very slowly. There is plenty of time. The sand timer descended into the whirl created by the SDA. This is how things manifest.
"Anything you drop into that, will manifest."
Wisdom! I seek wisdom.
"Not so fast"
Who would not want wisdom?
"It comes with obligations."
Some would seek power.
'Power comes with obligations too. You have succeeded to this point in your work because you understand your obligations but you've never had the tools to meet them. This will give you those tools. But the obligations are hard. You may not want them. Your arrogance is that you expect other people to meet their obligations."
Some would seek women.
"Yes and too create an obligation but they are thinking [with their pants]"
Who am I talking to?
I saw the names El, Elemese and one other angel.
But I didn't call you?
"You've just finished skrying. This is your temple. You've dedicated it for years."
May I look into the mirror? Receiving an affirmative, I did so to find nothing.
"You will not see until you do the rites and call. Go now before you break your obligation [to My Gal]."
The mirror was hypnotic and it is was difficult to pull away.
I immediately felt buoyant. I felt myself moving even though I was aware of my physical body staying still. I vibrated the elemental god names just to keep from moving around so much. I asked of the wisdom of this place. The answer was the wisdom is communicating well emotionally. If you don't communicate emotionally, you sit in the well of inertia. However, we you can express yourself and your needs properly, others can meet them. Just as importantly, I can understand what those needs are myself. Air of Water is also about paying attention to non-verbal communication as well. Though, I will have to make an effort to pick things up.
I asked if this was an important sub-element for me. The answer was they are all important but perhaps I have a bit more to learn here than some others.
I can honestly say that I've been much more in tune with non-verbal communication after the fire of water anyway. Though, some revelations came a day or two after that work
Monday, December 8, 2008
The Holy Table (minus the SDA). You've seen that before.
The nifty silk cover with tassels
And lastly, because I know this would be so hard to visualize without one more picture, the table with skrying mirror and the Tablet of Navalge. I have no idea where that tablet is going when we actually work.
As I was falling asleep I had a vision, which came and went in an instant. I saw a beautiful columned temple space with our table in the center. I am pretty sure it was open air but I could be wrong. The vision flicked off and on as if I child was playing with a light switch.
Last night I dreamed of being at work. One of my coworkers, whose last name sounds like a single English letter G was sitting at a table. (Could this be a reflection of the Masonic G?) I was at the other end of the room. I had a typed list of names of the small beings I was about to work with. Bobo being the only one I can remember. I had the impression of many very friendly small creatures but I never actually saw one in an identifiable form. My emotions were like those of a man suddenly surrounded by very friendly Lilliputians or Keebler elves.
All that aside, the visual was more telling. The creatures were lined up as small dots on the floor like points on of grid paper. The floor had hundreds of squares made of a single dot in each corner. The look was a two-dimensional version of the pattern I saw skrying the tattwas of Akasha (spirit)
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Note: My house isn't a disaster but it isn't spotless.
I entered the the temple and was immediately impacted by the energy change. My emotions were those of reverence. I soon noticed flashes of light. Pinpricks of light that reminded me of stars. They'd flash on and off in an instant. Fifteen to twenty seconds later, another would flash.
I reported this to My Gal and asked her to take a look. She didn't feel the reverence but said she saw spheres.
After some time, I reentered the space. Again, I saw the flashing lights. This time, instead of focusing on the lights, I took a wider view. Sure enough, I could see spheres around the light. They weren't bright but definitely discernible.
It should be noted that these images were perceived as visible light. They were not seen in my mind's eye.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
This is from a CCN article, They Killed Their Neighbors.
"Perpetrators don't want to be seen as weak, and in a mob mentality, individual guilt seems to disappear.
"People will do almost anything in a group and will do anything not to be rejected," said psychologist Philip Zimbardo, a professor emeritus at Stanford and famous for his 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment, which divided student volunteers into "prisoners" and "guards" and showed how easily people could be induced to commit sadistic acts.
"They give up a sense of personal accountability and diffuse responsibility to the leader."
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Jason Miller wrote about my post on his blog here and here. When people comment on my blog I am sometimes reminded of what a poor communicator I can be when I dash something off. I love Jason's blog because, for the most part, he doesn't do that. If I were the type to steal talent, I'd steal Jason's and Witchdoctorjoe's writing abilities.
That being said, I did not mean to say that I was spending too much time on thaumaturgy, i.e. practical magick that attempts to change the mundane world. I meant to say that I spent too much time seeing magickal abilities as a validation of spiritual growth. While no part of my conscious self believes that the ability to astral project makes me a better person or is a sign that I have achieved spiritually, I think part of my 'lower nature' does. I think that lessens who I am in my own mind, which is, pardon the French, bull pucky.
Changes in attitude, daily thought patterns and deeds are a much better measure of spiritual growth and attainment.
My conscious goal has always been growing spiritually. Probably very early, I equated magickal talent with spiritual achievement. I fully agree with Jason that are some powerful people whose goal, as far as I can tell, is not what I'd label spiritual. They may label it that way. There is no way for me to know.
What I seek is spiritual unity, understanding and wisdom or at least that is what I tell myself. My HGA told me that I'm looking for companionship in the after life. That sounds like a Christian fear to me. Maybe that is why I have so little patience for those that believe in that god more to avoid punishment than actual devotion, as well as those who claim that they have no choice but to obey their pagan gods. Consciously, that sounds like passivity to the point of slavery to me. But maybe, it means they are living in a way to appease their fears and I am living in denial of my own. Frankly, I am not sure which is worse but they are both decidedly human methods of coping with terror.
(Cowardly Lion "Put 'em up" Image from: http://www.npr.org/blogs/bryantpark/lconvert.JPG)
Darkness. I mean nothing. I hate that. Eventually, I saw men working hard but the predominant part of that was sweat. Fire of Water is sweat. The emotions that drive my Work is fire of water. I asked for wisdom of this place. I stayed where I was, a long ways from the working men. I heard that I can direct my fire of water towards aspiration and a god. I asked, which god shall I follow? I was directed toward my HGA. Which is good because no other answer would I have believed to be any more than a spirit trying to get my attention.
I called his name and he appeared. I had a strong visual with our sign to boot. He said that I am more Christian that I know but gave no indication that I should follow Christ. He said I am not looking for a father figure but a mother. He also said that not following a god/dess is not my problem. My problem is that I hate making choices. This is what makes me a fixed sign.
There was more but I can't remember.
Oh, in this working I did the Greater Invoking Ritual of the Pentagram (water).
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I am a man without religion seeking the ultimate god, the ultimate unity. Perhaps, the above traps, siddhis, I think the Buddhists call them, have been a distraction. Perhaps, they are not markers of spirituality at all.
Do these thoughts come from an odd skrying on a void of course night or Terry Pratchett's books? Does their origin matter at all? What matters is, are these thoughts correct?
On the upside, I recalled two nights of dreaming.
The night before last, I was an observer. I saw a yellow rocket made of the same material as a bounce house. I was amazed that the thing took off, exited the earth's atmosphere and splashed down safely. Moments later, though I think it was the next day, the rocket did so again. Only this time the pilot, possibly another aspect of myself, put the nose down hard on re-entry. The cabin filled with water except for a little bit at the top. Three of us where having a hard time breathing. From the outside I washed it splash down hard. All were safe.
Last night, I dreamed I was in Russia. I was in a room with a very nice man who was just following Putin's orders to hand cuff me. Even apologized for messing up the collar of my shirt. Putin began pouring rubbing alcohol over my head. I asked if that is what it was. He said yes. I said, "I will be careful not to get any in my eyes." He immediately started squirting it at my right eye. Cleverly, I shut my eyes and none of the alcohol touched my eye ball. I could tell he was going to continue until he succeeded. So, I said ouch and flinched away. He stopped.
More watery image in the first dream. I have LOT of that. I may have to start skrying the water tattwas and ask why and what I need to learn. Emotional issues are my weak point, I know that.
Monday, December 1, 2008
I don't 'help' other people much. Helping is often simply giving energy to the positive end of the wheel. Wheels turn. From a certain cynical point of view, this can be seen as a pointless exercise.
I don't do a lot of healings. I used to be a pretty good human aspirin. If you didn't want some over the counter medication, I was your man. After some traumatic events, I stopped doing such things -- my confidence gone.
Today, I learned a work friend's husband had been in a serious auto accident over the weekend. He'll live but I was told it was 'bad' and foot surgery was in the offing. Given that my father lost his foot, I may have some extra sympathy on this one. I offered her my support and asked her if she minded if I prayed or did some weird religious ritual. She said she fully supported weird religious rituals but did so in a joking sort of way. Did I mention that I don't usually do things without direct permission from the target?
I started out an energy model kind of guy. Though, I now think spirits are usually more effective. Well, here's to revisiting the past.
I normally have some sort of link when I effect others. I don't even know this fellow's name. I'm sure I've heard it at some point but I have no recollection.
Tonight, I did something simple. I did an LBRP, BRH and Middle Pillar x 4. Only this time, the spheres were created over a pinch of frankincense with prayers for her husband's healing.
I broke a lot of my rules tonight but one, acting in love for those one does not know. He will never know what transpired tonight.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I also felt with my feet today.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
In this case, replace the words "another's emotions" with "other people's lives".
I will not wax poetic about the absurdity of this sort of behavior in quest for material objects but I will say going with a crowd can be a very dangerous thing for both yourself and others. I have a tendency to go against the grain of society. One of my clinician friends says I'm have oppositional defiant disorder. Her joking diagnosis does have a ring of truth. That trait landed me in some bad places, as indicated by a quote from the same post, "The function of Populus is to coalesce. It brings like together. This thought led to asking about my time in Wicca. I heard that I refused to coalesce with what was forming..." but so to, did I get stampeded by people just going with the crowd that didn't have the personal will to oppose bad behavior.
I've never been ashamed of not falling into the need to accept bad behavior just because it was popular with the crowd to go along. I view this as a personal strength that can become a weakness.
Those in the Walmart crowd that had enough Via in them to walk away from that maelstrom did the right thing. Via is a much harder road but I bet the "Via's" in the crowd slept well last night. The "Populus" folks, will have some internal reckoning to do. Hopefully, some legal repercussions will also occur.
Populus and Via played out through the news this weekend. So many people will wring their hands and say how terrible it is and then stand around the water cooler at work and remain silent as some bit of bad behavior is being defended. After all, that is the crowd pleasing thing to do.
Friday, November 28, 2008
The tattwas looked more three dimensional than they usually do. When I entered, I found the suggestion of a landscape but everything was very dark. This is like walking through your living room with the lights off and being able to see the shape of the couch before you and realizing what color you would be seeing, if there was any light. I traveled directly north.
I always do that when I skry. I simply move forward. Why have I never turned left or right immediately upon entering?
That aside, I quickly found myself before a small but very blue creek. On the other side was a bull. I gave him the sign of earth. He did nothing but I realized, "He's a bull. How is going to return that?" I vibrated the names at him. He didn't moo, nor did he move. I asked if I could show him a symbol of light. He nodded. I did. He became agitated, pawing at the ground. He made several swipes with his foot and it gouged the earth like a plow.
I briefly thought that a fertility symbol but his anger attitude relieved me of that notion. The animal was snorting, shaking his head and generally being very aggressive but not directly at me. Regardless, I began to slowly move back. I was back some distance when his face appeared suddenly before me. Fortunately, I was next to the door and simply exited.
I am not sure if this occurred because of the technique or because I did it backwards. There were two choices, I picked one Next time, I will do it the other way.
In other news, we worked on our Enochian Holy Table today. It is coming along nicely. I do not think it is as nice as the Tablet of Nalvage but that is all right.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
With my current mentor, I sent him a note on every LBRP, every BRH, every skrying session, everything. I think at one point, he claimed to have 3,000+ emails from me saved. Yes, the man is patient. Part of that was my Leo need to express myself. Part of that was the discipline to record my activities. Naturally, most of my emails did not receive a response. I'd be willing to guess that much of them went unread. However, many of them were read and not a few commented upon either privately or via return email.
Today, I've been cleaning out my office. I am not the world's neatest human being. There wasn't a year's with of take out food bags laying around or anything like that. Just way too much clutter covered in way too much dust. My desk area is now dusted and neat. Though, it clutters up again as I move from this corner to the next and clean out useless junk.
In so doing, I came across a paper bag filled with magickal notes and binders that I was too lazy to file. In going through the bag, the first thing I found was a response to an email I had written my mentor in February 2007. His response was very complimentary as I had revealed my intuitive discovery of what he considers to be a hidden technique of magick. Or, at least, it is hidden by the system I am a part of until one gains a certain skill. These 'discoveries' look plainly obvious in retrospect but I digress.
Imagine my chagrin to realize that the my excitement at the discover came to naught. I had completely forgotten. Apparently, I was ready to know but not ready to experiment. Well, now is thet time. My rediscovery of the email likely says I am ready to give it a go.
I will likely post about my experiments but I may have to be vague about the technique in question. After all, others that work the same system I do are likely reading this. No point in spoiling their fun.
So, write it down and, every once in a while, go through those old notes. Some of that paper, may be gold.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I've noticed of late that when I do the middle pillar, I get sensations in my feet. When the ground shook during one of my recent tattwas exercises, I felt that through my feet as well. I want to say there were two other times I felt other humans' 'energy' through my feet.
I have no idea what this means. I've never heard of such a thing before. But I remember doing the Bornless where it is declared, "I have sight in my feet".
I make no claims it is related to that. I am simply recording events and thoughts.
I hope all my U.S. readers have a safe and happy Thanksgiving holiday.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I entered. I sat. I felt a wave of energy from the east wall. I meditated on that energy. I was rewarded with a pleasant guide voice telling me to feel. Feel the energy emotionally. I did. I remember many water images, rivers, streams, water flowing into caves, down caves that reached to depths unimaginable. I moved along each flow. I felt like I was entering myself more deeply and literally opened several triangular doors to become more intuitive. After one particularly long drop, down some subterranean cave, I thought I would connect to the macrocosm. Instead, I found myself in malkuth.
I felt the flow and flew up past four kerubs as a displayed a particular tool. I flew up and encountered an elephant forming out of a purple cloud, Yesod. I displayed yet another tool.
At other times, I could see the lightening of the path of Shin and the storm of the path of Pisces.
The meditation was deep but it may have been mere fantasy. I've noticed no effects since.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
My HGA once advised me to clothe myself in red and blue. As a literalist, I thought I'd have to dress that way. Then, I removed the bone from my head and figured it was meant, well, figuratively. Since embarking on this project, I've encountered red and blue in the following ways.
The Enochian table of practice is covered in red silk. My tarot readings are performed on a blue cloth. One night, I did a tarot reading on the table and was stunned by the beauty.
The other day I said I could see all sorts of geometric shapes in other people's auras from just thinking about them. When I did this to myself, I was stunned to see a blue head with a red body.
In reading research material on Enochian not in Lon's book, we discovered many things should be created in red and blue.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
So, I found a hard chair and scried the tattwas of fire of water just to see if I could. The visualization was simple. I easily entered the space.
I found myself in the midst of a large stream of rapidly moving water. How is this fire of water? Fire is the force that propels the direction of the water. What? You thought it was gravity? Well, if the water gained direction from fire, just where was fire? Upstream. I followed the stream to its source, a cave in a mountain side. In that cave was a golden pyramid. This is an emotional base for that particular stream. Gold = Tipereth. Yet, gold is also a nice disguise for the ego. In this case, this is the part of me that wants to be understood! How arrogant. Who really understand another anyway? What is the point of having my point of view understood at all? How many arguments have started simply because I wanted to be understood? Bah!
So, how do I change the fire of my water? Change the motivation/desire (fire) of water. To what? How about a desire to display light? A desire to display a real spiritual life so that other seekers whom may not even know they seek can see it is even possible? No one can repeat my way. Nor, can I tell another his or her way but perhaps the desire to share what little I have is a healthier emotion? Or, is that just another form of arrogance?
The pyramid turned bright pure white. I focussed on it for sometime. Only once did my surroundings disturb me. A woman with very loud high heels walked nearby and sat at a table near me. Aside from that, nada. Frankly, I am pretty impressed that I could do that in that location with about the same clarity as in my temple space.
Problem. We do not have the equipment do this and I'm not sure that my construction skills are up to the task. They have to be pretty precise to fit together neatly. Is there anyone out there with the capability of constructing these? If so, how much would it set us back?
Option #2 is making some sort of mold that we can press Sculpty or other form of craft clay into. That may be the way to go.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Friday, November 21, 2008
I also feel a bit out of sorts tonight because my legs ache in a very peculiar way. I have no idea if these to phenomenon are related.
Immediately, I found myself on the rim of a volcano spewing forth hot gas. Fire of air. Felt like the right place to me. A couple of seconds of later, I realized that the air being belched forth was toxic! This, I was told, is the me that I have conquered through my better eating habits.
Yet, I also quickly understood how this air could be used magickally in some very nasty ways. Furthermore, how it could be used to hasten someone along in very practical matters. A guide did show up by the name of Spiff (samekh, peh). He wasn't very impressive. I departed.
Yet that is not the point of this post. The first thing I noticed when I picked up the book was that it wasn't a book on ceremonial magick. "Brilliant", you may say, "however did you deduce that, Sherlock?" By feel. To me the book feels 'other'. I could almost see the night. I didn't get a bad or spooking feeling, only a sense of differentness.
The Huson book I railed against, didn't feel this way. Perhaps, the hoodoo egregore affects its book while Huson's does not. I don't know. I merely note the difference.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I did a very nice LBRP, BRH and MP x 3 and scried Cauda Draconis.
My first impression was of chaos, fear and depression. I saw lurid reds and purples swirling about. I do not know if I saw, sensed or simply understood through intuition but I suddenly saw purpose in destruction. There is actually much more freedom in destruction than in beginning. Yet, beginnings excite us and we fear collapse. What odd creatures humans are! In the midst of destruction, there is a quiet place, a void. Peaceful Potential. I enjoyed the silence.
As time past, I saw the Thoth Universe card. But no, it wasn't the entire card. I only saw the stylized ram's head normally hidden behind the dancer. There was no dancer, no kerubs just the boarders of the card and the ram's head, Aries.
I tried to enter the card but it eluded me. I was told I wasn't ready to pass through two doors at once but I should contemplate why I could see the Universe from Cauda Draconis. Fascniating. Cauda Draconis is an ending, destructive. Aries is a cosmic beginning. Spring time. Birth.
In this cycle of meditations, I've been exposed to the whims of Populus, an extraordinary lack of will. The hard work of Via that allows one to move away from the crowd -- a training ground for Will of a higher order. I've seen how exciting yet restrictive beginnings are. And how terrifying and freeing destruction can be.
I've never liked geomancy much. I think I may change my mind, after I finish scrying all the figures.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Since my last post, I've kept myself busy with the following:
I attended a rit at WitchDoctorJoe's. (Note: I call rits rites but Joe calls rites rits. I have no idea what the difference is between a rite and a rit. Someday, Joe will have to explain it to me. The event was called a Hecate's Supper. His coven did their normal rit but each of us brought cans of food and gave them to the goddess. In return, the goddess gave us a special gift. The food will go to a local food bank. The gift I took this as a deep sign of trust from Joe and his wife to My Gal and I. To Joe's grandmother, I promise to keep that trust.
Joe has a special sign he receives from grandma when she is near. Last night, I saw the sign and she had something to say to me. It was touching but I didn't fully understand. Without knowing of my speaking to his grandmother, Joe explained it to me today over lunch. This is the second spontaneous communication with a dead grand parent within a month. I've never had one before.
I am not a Wiccan but if I was in a coven, I'd want that same love and respect displayed for each other and for the god/goddess that I see at Veritas each time they invite us to guest. I did manage not to tear up this time. Magicians don't cry.
On a local list, someone brought up the topic of vampire discrimination. I contributed several long winded posts to the discussion. Isn't that a common topic around dinner tables all across America?
Today, we completed the Sigillum Dei Ameth as you can likely tell from the pictures above.
I also cut out seven three by three pieces of .008 tin. Then we went to Kinko's and made copies straight out of Lon's book to a 3" size on silver paper for the Ensigns of Creation. Tomorrow we'll glue them together. Pictures to follow.
My Gal also found a table on Craig's list for $45. It was beautifully made to last in Denmark. The retired couple that sold the table were about the nicest folks you'd ever want to meet. They are the kind of people that make your heart happy even on a bad pain day like mine. Sweet gentle folks they were. I plan on saying a small prayer for them a little later. Meeting them was a pleasure. The table, of course, will be the table of practice for our Enochian magick.
So, as you can tell, it has been just an average day for your average American. I'm sure your neighbors were occupied doing the exact same thing as I. After all, we all must keep up with the Joneses.
Apologies if this post is a bit choppy. Tonight, I am full of pain medication.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I noticed something else. If you place the Sigillum proper side up, the first letter number combination is 4 over T - 4/T - 4T. Say that slowly. Forty. Forty days and forty nights. Completion inferred from the beginning.
Friday, November 14, 2008
As I entered the space, there was nothing. I vibrated the first god name. I felt and I mean felt the ground tremble as a gigantic foot landed between me and the exit. I continued with the rest of the names with this quite imposing beast behind me. The foot was attached to a dinosaur. After a moment of WTF?, I did something unusual. Instead of taking this literally, I realized the dinosaur was a metaphor for the primal, beginnings. The beast walked away. As he did, I realized the dangerous nature of beginnings. They are raw, primal, untested bursts of energy.
I asked about where this is happening in my life to know one in particular as I was once against told I was my own guide. I thought of my new job as supervisor. Technically, I am still in the position only temporarily. I thought of the Enochian work I've been doing.
I asked what do I needed to learn about this. I saw the three lower dots. Beginnings are narrow. You must act and move forward but the path does not allow for much leeway. That only opens up once you're established. I've known that before. Tonight made it more real.
The image of various forms of Caput Draconis is from http://www.golden-dawn.org/images/gd_fr14_tradition_fr14_pict14_caput.gif
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The four levels of scaffolding stood cold despite the welding hot spots. The four levels had obvious correspondences to the four worlds. Looking back, I should have paused at each level but no, I had to stand on top.
After vibrating the god name, the work-like feel to the place paused. Here is the potential of work. Work began again. At the archangel name, nothing much changed. At the choir name, a pentagram appeared before me. He gave me a name. Once again, the gemantria proved it useless. I asked the form if it was a pent of spirit and the top point flashed white. I asked if it was a pent of air and a loud nothing occurred.
I then heard that via appears in my life through my own work at the Work but often that work is for its own sake. That I'd do better to learn Populas, Cauda Draconis and Caput Draconis.
This was a longer meditation than this post makes it appear. My meditations\skrying have been much better focused of late. I feel more of that astral feeling than ever before. I feel like I am THAT close to having my body vibrate and to be free of it. Maybe that is because it is so close to Hallows.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
At first, I saw nothing. I exited and entered the realm again. Darkness. Yet in the darkness I felt impinged upon. I asked for a guide, "You are your own guide." I have heard that a lot lately. I did not like this darkness. Slowly, I tried to make sense of what I was feeling because I certainly wasn't seeing anything. Thoughts of teenage school yard clicks came to mind. Then the idea of a lack of will. People moving with the crowd have no sense of individuality. They have a vague idea of their own but it is so irrelevant that they can't take a step toward any sympathy for another's emotions. This is why so many horrible things happen in big cities. This is why so much petty small things happen in big cities. This is why high school clicks can be so mean. In a crowd, we actually get removed from others.
The function of Populus is to coalesce. It brings like together. This thought led to asking about my time in Wicca. I heard that I refused to coalesce with what was forming but also that their was willed interference in that process by one individual. That individual feared the change that I represented. That individual does not hold such fear now.
I asked what my mistakes were. I heard that I did not respond to other people's emotional needs. That it is possible to reject that which is false and still respond to the emotional needs of others. Also, that despite the view OBVIOUS to others, I left too soon. There was unfinished work and that results in much of my conflict now.
I continued with Populus. Trying to further understand the nature of the place. I saw a flash of light blue. Then, eventually, a very odd figure. I am pretty sure the spirit was a he. He was gray with what appeared to be a skin tight camouflage pattern of black angular stripes. These stripes were on his face as well. The hair, wild. I asked what he was, "A spirit of the moon." "Do you have my best interest at heart?" "No, my own" "Thank you for being honest." I placed a banner of light between he and I. He withstood it but said it was too bright. I told him I was about to use god names. He was okay with that. He withstood them. Yet, I could not hold a discussion with him. Eventually, I asked him to go. I checked the gemantria of his name (Tau-Samekh-Tau-Alef). There is no lunar correspondence.
I then looked left and saw the symbol for Cauda Draconis. To the right was the symbol for Caput Draconis. Behind me was yet another geomantic figure of the moon, via. I was shown two ways to use Via and Populus in conjunction. One way allowed for leadership and another to hide in the crowd.
For those that have not looked at geomancy before. You can find the figures here.
Picture from: http://www.hermetics.org/gd/GD-4.html