Monday, December 30, 2013

Manifestation Meditation Lessons Learned #1

This is series of short posts share things I have learned doing the Manifestation Meditation. These lessons are personal and you may disagree. There is nothing wrong with that. They are things my soul has taught me about how I need to live. They are not intended to reveal how you ought to live in anyway.

There is freedom in restriction.

Each soul has its own peculiar nature. The personality often expresses this quite well but appends to that an expression of its own misunderstood nature. So-called sin, is not the violation of a societal ethic but grasping for things outside your essential Being. When we come into full contact with the soul, this grasping no long occurs. Partial contact makes the desire to grasp easily conquerable. 

Consciously choosing to stay within the confines of the soul results in a freedom unlike any other. Stepping away from your being causes stress. Maintaining a position within one's being reduces internal stress to nothing. This also prepares the way for stronger contact with the external divine. 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

The Power of Destructive Magick

I am a firm believer that we should acknowledge our dark side. When someone does something truly hurtful or mean-spirited, we all have that place where we fantasize about a delicious head bashing. Sometimes we allow ourselves to fantasize of unleashing of evil curses that cause pain and suffering. Some of us, have even let those curses fly. I am sure, somewhere, there is a reader of this blog that has relished the moment as his or her enemy suffered under a magical onslaught unleashed in the quiet of the night. Such thoughts and deeds make us feel powerful after life events have made us feel weak.

These acts and the emotions they stir are simply manifestations of our souls at the time. They are perfect like all others. I fault no one for them.

There needs to a distinction made before I share more. When someone is doing harm in the now, there is nothing wrong with thwarting that harm. You move away or, if you have to, bonk them on the head. There is nothing wrong with defending yourself in the now. We must protect ourselves before we can serve others.

Now means now. Now, does not mean ten minutes after the threat has departed. Now, does not mean some future moment of possible attack. That you prepare for. Having a plan B is always wise, even if you do not have use it.

Moving on, let us accept the neo-platonic idea that the return to the godhead is possible. Then let us accept, for the moment, my vision of the perpetual and perfect unfolding of the human soul. Given this, unleashing destructive magick is at best a short term win. Eventually, the soul one is so hell bent on damaging will obtain the very peace we are seeking to prevent. From this view, destruction is impossible. All it does is delay the other person's realization of his or her unity with the godhead. This disunity is what caused the original destructive behavior to begin with. It will also create future so-called negative behavior. Perhaps that pain will not be inflicted upon us but does it matter? The result is more pain for humankind. What we are really doing is causing more harmful behavior. Why? Because it makes us feel better? More powerful? Obviously, this is pointless ego.

On the other hand, reaching within the destructive persona and setting healing energy in motion accomplishes two things. First, it heals the pain of the other. Secondly, because that pain is healed others are not harmed by the 'illness' previously present in the other. This removes or prevents impediments to the soul-unity of the primary actor, as well as the unknown other(s) that would have been harmed in the future. In short, we become a primary actor in the unification of the collective soul of humankind.

This isn't just benevolent altruism. Peace is the natural state of humanness. Lack of peace is the result of unresolved disunity. That disunity is amplified by the resentment we still hold for the other after we do destructive magick. By working on healing with a full heart that bears no resentment for the happiness of the formerly destructive other, we are one step closer to full unification.

Isn't that what magick and spirituality is all about?

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Suddenly Busy

I haven't posted much of late. It isn't like I can say, "Hey everything is always perfect but it is just hard to see," every day. I do have some things coming up for your enjoyment. I expect them out shortly.

In the meantime, I am suddenly quite busy. Within the next thirty days I have 5 soul readings to perform, three classes (maybe four), a Soul Sangha meeting, and a healing client.

I am sorry, if this sounds like a Facebook post. I guess I am just posting to let you folks know I am still alive and kicking.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Learning to Rest

Since my soul healing in February and my understanding of the Perfect, Unfolding and the Wholeness, life has become progressively easier.

As long time readers are well aware, life was hard for a very long time. I don't mean hard like living in Iraq hard. I mean things of my own impurities, as well as life damage. These appear to be all but gone. What used to drive me up a tree and fill me with angst now appears as not only a normal life problem and the solutions are obvious. Things move from mildly negative to smooth almost instantly.

I have been working on the MM book. Mostly trying to find the right voice for my audience. I am making slow progress. I even have a surprise project in the works that you folks may enjoy. At the moment, that project is the only thing moving forward.

Today, I tried one of the newer MM versions*. I was told the doors to writing the book are not open because I need to learn to rest. It is time to smell the flowers and enjoy the peace. My drive to aid those to find this is well-placed but premature in all but those places I am currently working.

To my mind, this is well-earned. At the same time, I feel a bit selfish and impatient. There are things to do.

* There are now 3 versions of the MM, as well as 3 levels of each. This creates a nine-fold practice.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

The Automatic Personality Revealed in Three Minute Video

The automatic personality is that part of us programmed by society, family, parents and our own life experiences. The insidious part is that this part of ourselves convinces us that we are making choices when we are really just following programming code: input received/output generated. I have shared this concept in many classes regarding the Manifestation Meditation and other spiritual topics because breaking through this is perhaps the most important spiritual task one can complete.

You are perfect. It is your programming that makes you think that you are less than you are.

Here you can watch that programming in action. You can feel the pain. If you can relate this, this should motivate you to do something about it. If you cannot, then perhaps you are not paying attention to yourself.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Returning to Pain, Self-Torment or the Isness of the Past

Each of us, should we be persistent in doing the Great Work, will enjoy peak experience to the point that we have a life changing epiphany. I do not mean those small moments of realization we get as we go along. I am talking radical changes in perspective so all-encompassing that it is impossible to live with any other would view. Within the new viewpoint, a sense of self emerges that is so complete the random insults of the world fall impotent against one's understanding.

In my case, I have the perfection, the unfolding, and the wholeness. I know that my daily practice must include purity (not in the context most think of it) and continuity. Other people will have other understandings. Though, in reading Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation, I was amused to learn that my understandings parallel the great mystic with some consistency.

There is something odd that happens though. Out of left field, one starts to reminisce of the past. You start to feel that old emotion and want to go back to who you were. Funny thing, you never do. You can't. You are not that way any more. In order to go back you'd have to be beyond indulgent. It would require a willful decision to be less than you are. I cannot imagine anyone doing that.

I mention this because a couple of my friends have had the same experience lately. I have some theories as to why this happens but nothing definitive enough to write here.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Truth Test

The way to find your spiritual truth is not through any particular system. You just need an approach that can support an attitude of spiritual aspiration.

There is a simple test to determine if you have found a truth:

Did what you find make you happy?
Did it strike you as unmistakably clear?
Did possessing this knowledge change your life in a meaningful way?
Do arguments against your truth make you smile?

By unmistakably clear, I mean that once you 'saw' your truth you did not have to think about it or justify it in your own mind.

If you can answer yes to these four questions, you have found your truth, at least in part.

Inversely, if you see someone behaving in ways that indicate these answers are no, simply be aware they are still searching.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

A Catalyst I Am, a Teacher Not.

I have found myself involved in several situations that put me in a role of authoritative sharing. Authoritative meaning that I am viewed as an authority not as in that I have some sort of rule-enforcing power. I teach a qabalistic tarot class that is heavily tinged with spiritual development practice. I have a very small working group that engages in a practice we call communion (with the gods). I moderate my local Manifestation Meditation group. I have a private student. I am doing life coaching. Lastly, I am engaged in many a private conversation with the spiritually engaged.

I am uncomfortable with the word spiritual teacher as it implies that I share a specific path. Guru* implies a level of obtainment I have not achieved. At the moment, catalyst seems the correct word as 99% of the progress is of their own doing. 

Today, I have received two notifications of tremendous growth from folks in my general surrounds. Seeing this makes me feel something I also have difficulty naming. The only words I can find is soft satisfaction.

* The MM group has pegged me with the nickname Gurulicious, which is the only nickname I have had that made me laugh. 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Purity as a Discipline

Unless you are new to this space, you are already aware of my mystic ontological viewpoint.

  • All things, events and humans are perfect
  • All things, events and humans contribute to the perfect unfolding of the human soul both individual and collective
  • All things, events and humans are whole and complete at all times.
I have come to understand these principles to be true. I question them not and have not questioned them since they were revealed to me. This is the way things are.

Living as a mystic among these truths can be harder because the mind is filled with flawed human perceptions. I believe now I have found a discipline that aids this process. 

This process was revealed to me in three steps. These steps would not be necessary for others, just myself. 

The first step was the idea of purity itself. It struck me as I was preparing a tarot class. The infinity symbol appeared both above the magician and the strength card of the Rider-Waite deck. The odd part was that I was not looking at this deck at the time. 

Infinity is quite a difficult concept to the human mind. Perhaps mathematicians may have an understanding but the rest of us, likely not. This thought lead nowhere until I saw the symbol stood on end (more like an 8) before me and within the perfection. Immediately as above, so below popped into my mind. That was quickly followed by the Thoth two of pentacles. 

Look at the light in the top circle and the darkness in the bottom. All of this suddenly slammed into me and brought the realization that this was a symbol of purity. The universe is clean our perceptions are not. I began using the 8 shape as a filter and began looking at the world as pure

The second step was the revelations of forgiveness. There is no need to cover that again here, except to say that I have sent some short note of forgiveness to four people involved in various aspects of the very bad thing. Forgiveness is the release of any debt. I am owed nothing.

The third step involved many compliments from humans that both are aware of my work and live in ignorance of it. Some of those words would have spun my head into a period of ego masturbation in years past. This time, I put my memories of my old self before me and used it as a filter to their words. This was not a conscious decision. My soul objected.

The other day, after a long talk with a man named VI, I decided to view this old self through the lens of purity. Then I heeded the prompt to view my current self through that lens. When I did, my mind reached out and absorbed many 'incidents' of my old self. It was like I ate and digested my old selves. It was quite the visual.

Since that time, my default thought is I am. There are no projections or worries. I am.

Viewing life through the lens of purity means accepting each interaction without any prejudice from prior experience or deformed thought. It is total acceptance of the now. This of course is very difficult or it will be until I get the next key to unlock this as a permanent skill. Regardless, this is my discipline now.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Mystic Forgiveness

Sometimes people do harmful things to you. Sometimes you do harmful things to others. Both must lead to an act of forgiveness on your part but those acts take different forms. In doing my MM work, version 6 or 7 if you are counting, I have been lead to forgiveness.

This has always been an issue for me. Why would I forgive a person that does not feel they have done anything wrong? Why would I forgive a person that has demonstrated a propinquity to do the same to others? What does it mean to forgive a person? Where is the value? When I read on the topic I continually encountered the idea that forgiveness is about one's self not the other person. By that standard, forgiveness is a selfish act. That didn't sit right either.

So within my meditation the other day, Hermes Chthonios appeared and started pushing this forgiveness idea. You do not need to rationalize your position on things to gods, They know. To make a long story short, Hermes kept showing me visions of the event(s), my feelings, attitudes and perspectives. He challenged me to remove all except the events themselves. In that, I came to a deeper understanding as to how the perfection and unfolding occurred through the negative forms I experienced

Step 1: Forgive the Universe

I cannot argue with the Universe and the creative forces of nature. It was the easiest thing to do to forgive the Universes for its method. Yes, I forgave the Universe. That part was easy. I was never upset with the Universe.

Then Hermes Chthonios showed me the Ace of Swords from the Thoth Deck. Immediately, I was able to divorce the personalities from the events. My attributions of the motivations of others fell away from the causal actions. I still had my perspective but the personalities and events were no longer one thing but two.

I am not sure why that aided the process but it did.

Hermes Chthonios showed me that the lack of forgiveness was holding on to pain in my heart. I visualized the pain and made the statement I was willing to let it go. A good part of it faded and a good part remained. The point is that I have made the decision to let it go and it will over time. I have done this sort of work a long time now, long enough to know that the beginning of the process is the end. The completion will come.

This is the part that leads some to believe forgiveness is about one's self. Sure, it is better not to hold onto the pain. This does one a lot of good. However, this is not the end of the process.

:Step 2: Forgive the so-called wrong doer.

Hermes Chthonios immediately showed me step two. It was about the connections humans share. The best way to share this is to use a more human interaction rather than the personal visions he provided me.

If someone does something wrong and is confronted by the wronged party or even a third party, the first tendency of most is denial. In time, most people come to realize their level of culpability, be it great or small, and some of the courage to make amends. Often, this begins long after the original accuser is far away as the process is internal and private. This is readily understood by most.

When the aggrieved hold onto the pain and accusations, even if unspoken, those energies stand as a constant accusation on the formative plane. This is met with the impulsive energy of denial from the other on that same plane. In order to stop a cycle, that is impacting and influencing both the injured party(s) and the other(s), one side or the other must break circuit. No matter who does it, no matter how it is responded to, this is an act of compassion. This too, is not the end of the process.

Step 3: Others

Holding onto the pain of the original causative action creates a filter through which we see the world. That filter interferes with the relationships between oneself and all other parties. If you embody any level of agape toward your fellow humans, you owe them to approach them with a pure heart and clean perspective. This is a debt of human existence that must be continually paid. The only way to pay true respect to the stranger or anyone else is to do so from a pure stand. One must forgive. One must be pure. One must remove every possible filter.

This is very difficult. It is impossible if one is hanging onto a painful past.

More personal note: I have sent two messages of forgiveness to people who participated in a painful past event. Not quite yet to the primary actor, she will take a bit longer but that too is coming.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

A Disruptive and Inconvenient Realization -- Response

Teo Bishop has published an article, A Disruptive and Inconvenient Realization, in Witches and Pagans issue #27. I read his words in The Wild Hunt

Persistent readers of this space know of my past antagonism with Christianity but have also witnessed that my references have begun to reflect an understanding of random Biblical passages and ideas. Despite that I did rankle a bit as I read of this man's conversation from Pagan to Christian. Even as my "Oh Hell No," mantra kicked in, I saw the makings of a spiritual man. As I have learned to follow my soul, I have listened to the shouted whispers of the Universe. So, I understand when he speaks of following a call. 

When he wrote, "But an authentic spiritual life is rarely, if ever, easy." I totally understood. Making that hard left turn in Albuquerque can leave one's friends feeling lost and confused while they stay moving along the I-40. The only way to stay authentic is to make that left turn. Those who love you will make that effort to understand and be supportive. Those with an agenda will resent you. Being with those that love you is so much more important. 

My only quibble is that an authentic spiritual life is always easy. When you are moved by the spirit of your soul, it is the easiest thing in the world to turn that wheel. When we project what our spirituality ought to be or try to fit into some mold we have projected upon ourselves then it gets hard. That difficulty is a sign of error. 

That isn't how I interpret his words though. The difficulty is more subtle and compassion-based than that. For me, seeing the perfection was the best moment of my life. Difficult was watching someone I respect go into a tizzy over it but living the spiritual life born of that realization is pretty easy.

Mr. Bishop goes on to say, "But here’s the crazy thing: I get the hard polytheists now. I feel like coming to understand their relationship to their Gods has provided me with a context to understand this immediate relationship I’m experiencing with God in Christ." Here he reveals yet another spiritual truth. Your past does not define you, it educates you. He has learned all he could from his Pagan path and is now moving onto more lessons. To this I say, "Hazzah!"

He continues, "If I’ve learned anything during the last several years it is that admitting one’s own ignorance and asking questions of others can lead to the most profound exchanges."  This true is the mark of a man of spirit. Sincerely embracing one's ignorance is fundamentally more than parroting wisdom one does not own. Simply put, if you can't discard notions when proven incorrect, you cannot claim the wisdom of ignorance.  

So to Mr. Teo Bishop, I wish Godspeed on his journey. May his Pagan past serve him well and his Christian path spur his journey onward. 

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Getting the F Out of the Way

There is someone local that has come to me to begin their spiritual path. In truth, it started long ago and I am just a weigh station. Today, I got out of her way and had her engage with someone else. That someone else is taking her places as I watch. 

There is a part of me that is proud that I got out of the way. There is another part screaming, "Hey but I wanted to do that!" This is the ego and pride and bullshit. 

I am suddenly aware why so many that want to call themselves teachers cannot do that. Fuck, it is hard to get that ego in check to the point that it cannot move. However, it is what this person deserves. She is on a path. 

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Magic, Medicine and Not Killing the Ego

You can invoke all the gods you want and many spirits too but you always have to stay in control. There has to be enough 'you' left to be in control. Control, self-control, focus, purpose, this was the message but spoken and implied when I was learning magick.

I do not blog about it much but I do other things too. I have been introduced to more aboriginal things, nature things. There, I have found the experience is to lose yourself to have no self-identity. In that, one can experience the medicine* of nature.

It occurred to me this is what I did when I had my transformative experience, my inner initiation. Quite by accident, I lost all sense of self, had the experience, and came back to my self. Those moments changed my life. In that instant, I met all my known spiritual goals.

This stuff of killing the ego is misleading. You need that sense of the individual self to move about in this world. The process is more of setting it fully and completely aside for just an instant.

I think the next level is having another such moment but this time, it is losing the sense of other. I have all sorts of ideas about the lesson that may be learned from such a moment but I have learned over the years that such predictions are nearly always wrong. So, I will not fill your head with needless speculation.

If I manage to experience this, I will report here, if I can.

* I am not claiming to know about anything Native American when I use the term medicine. I am using that word to define that experience versus what the western magical experience.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

My Forming Egregore

I am learning some surprising things of late.

Egregores can form quickly. I am teaching a class on qabala, meditational theurgy and tarot under the auspices of  a simple tarot class for eleven people in a private home. We meet bi-weekly. Last night, my dream hovered within the egregore forming by this polite little group. I lived within the emotional core of that spirit-body which is comprised of spiritual learning, joy, fun, friendship, appreciation, sexuality and appropriateness. I knew in theory that each gathering of people had its own egregore (wheresoever two gather in my name...) but I never expected to be able to perceive it and so easily understand its component parts.

My sources are Mary K. Greer's Tarot for Yourself, A.E. Wiate's Pictorial Key to the Tarot, Crowley's Book of Thoth,  Angeles Arrien The Tarot Handbook and Lon DuQuette's Understanding Thoth Tarot.* This class is becoming powerful for a couple of reasons. The first is that I am successfully sharing the meanings of the cards not directly found in books. For instance, the formula of the Fool is murder, acceptance, reformation and manifestation. I share examples of those vary formulas from my life and the lives of my students. Secondly, I am able to comfortably delve into the emotion of the card and inspire them to recall and feel that very emotion in their own lives. Lastly, I am a much better speaker than blogger. That one-on-one contact is more conducive to the expression of my thoughts and teachings.

Conversely the MM meetings I am holding monthly are not developing into an egregore. I believe that is because I do everything I can there not to be perceived as a teacher. Rule number one there is "I am not a guru. If you forget this rule, I will disabuse of that notion immediately." The work of the MM is so individualized that setting myself up as a focus, like in the tarot class, would be antithetical to the process. My theory is that, at least in the beginning, an egregore forms around a strong personality before it takes on a life of its own.

That said, there seems to be a consistency of process and development among the MM folks that mimics an egregore. I wrote mimics rather than is because I see no emotional bond between individuals at all. Every egregrore I have seen has that emotion tie. Therefore, I am concluding this is not an egregore but a manifesting process of development.

* I was quite pleased to see new copies of some of these books brought to class. I do take some pleasure in bringing Crowley to a small town in this conservative region.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Denial Is Beautiful

Everyone has done something that they are forced to deny. Those that seek spirit must eventually set aside such tactics but what is inherent within the human need to deny?

When we are forced to realize that we did something that has harmed another, we feel like a bad people. Denial says, "I am not a bad person." That is a great truth. The action itself is a false portrayal of who the person really is; The action is a lie. A person's goodness is the truth.

Once again, the truth is revealed with the lie.

This applies to you.

It really is that simple.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Brief Reader Q & A -- Life After Finding Peace

Reader: Tell me about your life right now.

I am at peace

Reader: Tell me more about that.

The peace started in February with that soul repair/rebirth meditation. The best way to describe it is that short circuit has been repaired. Maybe another way to describe it is that there was an electrified fence around me or a dangerous third-rail. Whatever the case, that is gone.

It would seem that peace is a natural state that occurs in the absence of damage.

The understanding of the Perfection, The Unfolding and The Wholeness of all things contributes to that as well. It may seem contradiction to what I just said but from that view nothing can be damaged. So, any bump in the road is immediately smoothed out. That can give the impression that one hasn't been tested by very negative things but that isn't true. That illusion is caused because one passes the tests so easily that it feels like one has never been tested. Those may be famous last words. We will see.

Reader: Your writing seems more Thelemic lately.

I have always been Thelemic in the broad sense of the word. I have always sought my True Will. I just know what that is now. I haven't mastered manifesting that completely yet but I do understand.

Reader: How does it feel when you look back at your life before?

Surreal. There are times when I can look back and literally feel the angst and the poisons that were my reality and wonder why I ever thought any of it was real. It is like reading a prequel to a well-loved book and being taken aback by the shocking elements in the before story that you didn't pick up from the novel. Sometimes, it is like reading the history of an ancestor that you can relate to quite well. Then I think, "Was that really me? Was that my life? Did I see things that way?" It is odd to say the least.

Reader: Tell me about the joy you are experiencing from your Manifestation Meditation (MM) class? 

The locals meet in my home once a month. I call it the Soul Sangha. Those meetings are fun because you get to see the thought processes that make sense of the realizations people have. I am not sure these thought processes ever hit the core of the issue even though the core of the issue has been owned by the person in question. Mind cannot always understand spirit and that is just fine.

My big thrills come from the random texts and notes I receive. These are usually short and sweet but reveal great emotion. "My life is SO MUCH BETTER." How can one recieve that and not be thrilled, joyful and humbled?

I am deliberately growing things slowly but I love doing the occasional lecture on the topic. Last weekend I did a lecture at the local occult shop. The audience was double their average attendance for a class. One person was taking it for the second time. Every person in attendance signed up on my mailing list to be notified of future classes. I take that as a sign they enjoy the presentations as well.

Along that same line, I did the class in a private home recently for seven people. That has evolved into bi-weekly tarot classes for eight or nine people.

I learned not long ago that my father's wife, whom I have always had a contentious relationship with, is using the MM and has been for about two years. She has found it very valuable. That surprised me more than a little but in a good way. Anytime I can contribute to anyone's life improving, I am quite happy about it.

Reader: Have you tweaked the MM in the last year?

Yes. There is the normal version which I revised a bit with the help of a man named VI. There are advanced, supreme and ultimate versions. I also base any magick I do on the same formula.

Reader: Do you teach these at your classes?

I do not teach them in the public classes. Those last over an hour already and people have a tendency to jump in too far too fast. In the Soul Sangha, I will mention the magickal formula and the advanced version. The rest I keep to myself. The Supreme and Ultimate versions are a bit too much for me to handle. So, I do not feel qualified to present those just yet.

Reader: How is work?

Work is the only place the peace hasn't fully manifested yet. It is much better and I am much calmer. I know exactly why I do not have peace there and that seriously reduces the personal angst I have over the non-peace.

Reader: How is the life coaching going?

The Soul Sangha is free but I include my lectures and classes as part of my business plan. I officially opened for business a couple of months ago and immediately broke even after my modest start-up expenses. I now have already established a consistent and significant monthly profit which is not enough to quit my real job yet but it is very encouraging. I have one contracted paying life coaching client, one free client grandfathered in from my practicing time in school and one person from school that has asked me to trade services with her. That last is pretty satisfying as she has other resources which include a nation-wide financial counseling company that she works for, strong church ties and solid connections with other coaches. I find her to coming to this Pagan with her very Christian faith in need of coaching to be more than gratifying.

I am very happy building this foundation for this new career very slowly and steadily.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Magick from the Void

When I first began writing this blog, I wrote, "Magick is a verb." Many of my friends deeply complimented me for those four words. Now, I realize that it doesn't go deep enough. Sure, you have to do magick to call yourself a magician. Yet, I am not sure that ceremony is the way to go.

I am not going to say that the ceremonial magician in me has it wrong. Suddenly, I am a bit perplexed how my chanting the god name of Hod (x8), the archangelic name of Hod (x8) and the choir name of Hod (x8) creates an atmosphere conducive to a spirit of Hod to appear. Sure, it is the equivalent of shouting, "Hey YOU, Yeah you, the army of bad asses, come here." The question is, why would they respond? They are from a different place with much more important things to do than listen to me screech at them, much less make a detour all the way down here.

Banishing with the LBRP seems to be more of the same. It is as much a mind game than anything else. It is very effective at focusing one's thoughts on the tasks at hand. I seriously doubt that waving my hands through the air in the prescribed fashion of CM keeps anything at bay in and of itself. I have totally walked through the circles of totally bad ass occultists but astrally and physically, impact of the 'circle' nada.  Then again, I stayed far away from one and just watched. Yup, drove the guy running the show a bit bonkers but no harm done.

The only thing that really can trip out an atmosphere really fast is the sacred application of fire and water. Now that, my friends, can make a holy place (like what part of the earth isn't holy anyway) really holy. Let me consecrate a room with fire and water and I can just sit there more content than a cat in a winter sun beam.

As are as creating atmosphere conducive to a spirit my more witchy friends have it closer to right. You can use herbs, incenses and objects to create a small altar that a spirit may really like and inhabit. It is the build it and they will come theory. I am not decrying that method but it isn't what I am talking about.

I will say that if you have shifted from this place to that, an altogether different place, those symbols and words work just fine. BUT. YOU. HAVE. TO. BE. THERE. You can't do it from here with anything like the effectiveness you can have THERE.

To get THERE, you have shift. It is is only a step really. One to the right and maybe one to the left. Suddenly, you are out of time. You are in the void. From there, time means nothing and never will again. Time, you see, is an illusion. You can simply focus your way out of time and into a place so dark, so vast, so alone that getting there instantly results in a little pang of fear. Thank the gods for that because taking any longer to get there would be starkly terrifying. It is just a little shift but reality will never be the same. Death no longer holds fear because you died to get there and you survived!

They come to you THERE because THERE is where everything already is. THERE, we all are and they are. Call something THERE and you experience the core of that something. Nothing will ever be the same.

THERE, you can create. Magick done anywhere is else manipulation. Here, it is creation pure and simple. Careful though, you just may take off your own head.

Here is a song that I will never look at the same way again. This is a magickal song about getting to that place. It really is just a jump to the left, and a step to the right and that pelvic thrust does all the creating. It is so totally easy and yet completely impossible to explain. So here is the Time Warp. You have to squint to see what I am getting at.

Many of you will think I have totally lost it. I am good with that because the entire point is that you have to stop thinking to get THERE.

Magick is a place.

The Time Warp -- Rocky Horror Picture Show
[my emphasis]


It's astounding;
Time is fleeting;
Madness takes its toll.

But listen closely...


Not for very much longer.


I've got to keep control.

I remember doing the time-warp
Drinking those moments when
The Blackness would hit me


And the void would be calling...


Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.


It's just a jump to the left.


And then a step to the right.


Put your hands on your hips.


You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.


It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.
So you can't see me, no, not at all.
In another dimension, with
voyeuristic intention,

Well secluded, I see all.


With a bit of a mind flip


You're into the time slip.


And nothing can ever be the same.


You're spaced out on sensation.


Like you're under sedation.


Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.


Well I was walking down the street
just a-having a think
when a snake of a guy gave me an
evil wink.
He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise.
He had a pickup truck, and the
devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change.Time meant nothing, never would again.


Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.


It's just a jump to the left.


And then a step to the right.


Put your hands on your hips.


You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Your Pain is an Illusion

If you find yourself in spiritual pain, know this; It is not real. The pain you feel is the illusion of separation from That Which Creates. Being separate from the divine flow is impossible. You are exactly who are you are supposed to be in this moment. And, in this moment, if you feel the need to improve or the need to experience greater closeness to the divine, you will do what it takes to achieve. That doing is happening even if you feel like you are going backwards. Feeling like you are moving backwards or sideways or in the wrong direction is an illusion too.

The human spirit, given a long-term view, is only growing. It can do no other thing.

The only reason you are in pain, is because you choose to be. Irritating isn't it?

You are not consciously choosing the pain. It is very real to you. Your soul has created that illusion in order to teach you how to see so many other things as the illusions they are.

Within you, is perfection. Stop fighting it. Let it unfold.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Doing the Wrong Thing

Sometimes when you do the wrong* thing, it is because you are afraid of whom your are capable of being.

Sometimes when you do the right* thing, it is to demonstrate to others who you think you are.

When you are in the proper place, you do things because you are expressing everything you are in that moment**.

* The wrong thing can be ethical, moral or simply against who you are. The right thing can be ethically, morally, or in alignment with who you can be or will be or should be.

** Well no matter what this is true. All you can ever do is fully express who you are. In this case, I am referring to your full Being as the spiritual experience of personal self-gnosis.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


Once in a while, I still read the blogs. I see the opinions offered forth and feel...nothing.

Years ago, the discussion meant a lot to me. Now, not so much.

Now, the only things such things reveal is the place of the writer. There is nothing wrong with that.

Years ago, someone's place mattered a great deal to me. Now, not so much.

The only thing that matters is my own place. Know Thyself, the oracle says.

Knowing yourself brings you to such a place of comfort that the prior need to argue a point is unfathomable.

Simply doing what one is supposed to do is all that matters.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Proper Expression of the Soul

The errors we make are educational because every action expresses the will of the soul. Errors are born by the personality misapplying that will or as I sometimes call it, soul talents. If one is making a consistent error, correction begins with the question, what am I trying to do? For instance, after a religious argument realize that you are not trying to belittle a man for his beliefs. You are trying to correct his path. What are you trying to do in correcting his path? Help him live in alignment with God. That is only three steps: Belittling; correcting; aligning.

Start there. How can I help a man live in alignment with God? Step one, listen to him now. Listen intently to his understanding of God. Watch closely his actions. See what moves him away from that understanding. Softly speak to him of that which moves him away. Guide him back to his own understanding. Not yours.

From there, he may grow into a deeper understanding as he chooses. Your job is done. Someone else may help him go deeper.

Of course, this is just an example. It isn't even mine but it is someone's. Draw an analogy in your life for whatever your issue is. Find your soul-talents and begin to learn to apply them.

Correct expression is utilizing those soul talents with the proper sense of timing.

Proper expression of your soul begets love in all forms. You see the wide variety of ways people love both you and each other. You will even feel a humble self-love.

Love is the Law; Love under Will.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

An Important Note on Secrecy

Occultists will tell you to stay silent, keep your secrets, keep THEIR secrets. Whisper whisper nod nod.

They have their reasons. I won't decry them here.

There is a problem with doing occult things and then keeping them to yourself. You get stuck in your head, get stagnant, deluded, paranoid or inflated.

I have broken this rule of secrecy repeatedly and I am doing quite will thank you very much.

Obey at your own risk.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Subtle Soul Lesson

My closer friend and working partner Flower posted this on her FB today:

"It's taken around 4 years of patience but Aurora is finally a snuggler. Love my sweet meow!" I was about to reply, "I torture her when you are gone. She is just running to you for protection." My soul intervened. 

I am not mean to the cat. So, saying I am would be untrue to who I am. Every time I try to make a small joke like this, my soul tells me to stop. Part of being truly authentic is to only speak your truth regardless of the reason why you want to say something else. There are two choices. Speak your truth about all things or shut up. Apparently, jokes are included. 

Not So Subtle Soul Lesson

When you live by your values and listen to your soul, life's struggles ebb away and things get easier. The other day, I passed the final exam for my first life coaching class. After 40 class hours, 80 study hours and 20 hours of peer-to-peer coaching, the test was still difficult. I thought I passed but in no way did I think I scored 98%.  Yesterday, with scant effort, I landed my first paying client after having about 20 hours with pro bono clients. 

Conflicts no longer exist with other people. I remain silent and let them flail away at their own issues. Only now, instead of judging, I pray they heal. 

I sleep great. No more insomnia.

I am making a new set of friends. 

I eat better. 

Life is good. 

Monday, August 26, 2013

Markers of the Spiritual

I had an interesting conversation with a couple of folks yesterday. The discussion centered around the behavior of the spiritual. The point was made, and I agree with it, that spiritual manifestation does not always occur as we are predisposed to believe. Some people are meant to be difficult, heck even downright barbaric. Others are saints in the conventional sense. The rest run the length of the continuum.

In my opinion, I think there are a couple of signs of those who have achieved a certain level of spirit connection.

The first is that they have integrity. By this, I do not mean anything vaguely related to morals or ethics. I mean that they are whole and their actions reflect this wholeness/holiness. They do not act in ways that are not true to who they are. This leads to a certain consistency in their behavior. You do not see the saint beating his wife, for instance. You see the predator's ambivalence towards others that are not his prey.

This is the result of manifested spirit bringing with it a sense of of place. A quick glance at the tree of life will reveal this. Take a look at Malkuth. See that X in that sephira?  That doesn't occur elsewhere. Sure, the division denotes the densest forms of the elements of creation but that is not all is shows. X marks the spot. That point at the center of the X is Hadit.

This hangs pendant too the soul above. The soul has manifested at that point. Hence the sense of place and the lack of erratic, pointless behaviors. This leads to the second marker. The manifested soul acts purposefully. If you see wild swings of behavior resulting the minutia and meaningless interactions of life, chances are you are not observing a manifested soul. The actions observed should align with the person's stated soul purpose. At the very least, behaviors should not interfere with that purpose.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

I Am Now, Not Then

Over the history of this space, I have written without obfuscation. I have written revealing my brilliance and idiocy. My confusion, pains, joys and persistence have been well-documented. The long time reader can easily see a change from February to the present. There is a clear line of demarcation.

Of late, I've been confronted by people expected the pre-February Robert. What they get is decidedly different. Their confusion is usually resolved in favor of easily accepted memories and emotional imprinting. The last time this happened, it occurred with a current friend whom I respect. I was slightly hurt. While at the same time understanding where her attitude came from.

I asked myself, what do I have to do to be perceived as I am? Of course this is the wrong question. It is seeking validation from without. This is a trick of the ego that leads us to do quite silly things. So, I ignored the ego-flash and let the question sit.

Today, someone said, "You are not difficult...unusual...but not difficult." I laughed and said there are many that would disagree. It wasn't long before I realized that I had done the same thing as my friend. I don't do this often out loud. Internally, I must do this even that I don't think I do.

So, how do I allow false memories to fade away and allow new definitions to hold sway?

It may be very much like letting that old trauma fade. Now, it feels like it happened almost to someone else. No. No.

It will not be like that. It will come from the very presence of my Greater Neschemah in my aware mind. This may be my next step or a concluding step. We will see.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Complacent No More

I woke up this morning with a realization. My life coaching clients and students (for lack of a better word...I strongly dislike that word) are making more improvements in their lives than I am. My life has been going quite well in every area. Even work is calm for the moment. Though, I do see the storm coming there.

I have become complacent in my own work. I find myself having all the ability, spiritual awareness and relationships that I have always wanted. I teach without teaching, live pretty much effortlessly and enjoy 90% of my daily interactions with people. Heck that number may be low.

More of my highest soul is manifesting now than ever before. I am more than mentally healthy; I am spiritually aware. My actions are considered and not automatic. I love who I am. I love who you are and I have never met you. I know you are totally worth of God. I KNOW THAT.

There is more that I want to do. I know there is more room to grow. I know there is more to Being. I am just not sure what that is but I do know this.

I am going to find out.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Doing Dangerous Magick (Results)

In this post, I outlined some dangerous magick that I did. To sum up, a woman's ex-husband arrived from Mexico to kidnap their daughter and take her back. My magick put a stop to that. He has been deported. Due to various circumstances there is only an unlikely prospect of him ever being able to return.

Like I said in my first post, this is dangerous magick. I do not recommend doing this sort thing. VERY BAD STUFF can happen.

Monday, August 12, 2013

A Brief Exercise in Non-Duality

I have a series of small Facebook posts that start like this:

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to...

These posts are sometimes silly. Other times they are quite serious. All of them are designed to stretch reality a bit. I have been out and about and have friends of friends tell me how much they look forward to the posts. Of course, they say they perform the tasks.  I have to confess that I don't do all of them. 

Today's left me with a sense of cognitive dissonance and wonder. So, for your enjoyment, here it is:

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write down three ways you give to others and three ways you take from others. Then seriously consider how the take column is really giving and the giving column is really taking.

Give this one a try and if you like, let me know how it goes in the comments section.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

The Helpful Deity Returns

Flower and I haven't worked much together for some time.  A few months back, I had four straight nights of dreams involving snakes. In the first, a woman handed me a snake that was in the shape of an infinity symbol. She was huge and I couldn't see above her shoulders. I missed the symbolism of that. After the fourth dream, I told Flower about them. She said that she'd been dreaming of snakes too. Her little girl was also waking after dreams of snakes.

That is when it hit me. She was calling us. Just then Flower than I became quite ill with pneumonia. We made it back into circle once we healed and something unusual happened.

Flower, is quite cautious. The gods try to get her to understand what they want of her. Sometimes, like all of us, she does not get it. Other times, it seems like a refusal to understand or a refusal to put what she knows in practice. Earth signs! This time, the Helpful Deity took care of that. I could 'see' the resistance in her mind being removed. I could see earthen shelves against the wall so her mind. One moment they were there, the next the faded and in a heartbeat they were gone. Cool stuff! She said that she has never felt so comfortable with the Goddess. She has always liked male deities best.

We wondered how this would impact her life. Slowly the changes became apparent. She is becoming much more accepting of change. In fact, I have seen her start to have fun with it.

 Last week we felt the call again. We both knew it was strong beyond what we have felt before.

Our circle technique is unique. I don't know of anyone that does it this way. We sit in temple space in meditation. I am 'given' a mantra. I repeat it until I feel it is time to stand up. I repeat the mantra until the Hermes enters me and the Helpful Deity enters Flower.

The entire affair can get intense and quite stoic and They have chided us for that in the past. "Wear some color!", "Have fun", "Why so dour?" Many of our rituals are more fun but when we can wind up suddenly finding ourselves chatting with Hades in his lair to Pan playing his pipes upon a thinly forested trail to standing within a field of stars, one does have a tendency to take things seriously. Though we never shy away from where we are taken.

This time, I cannot share anything about the ritual itself. I can say this. It was the most intense ritual I have ever participated in. I laughed. I cried. I revealed in Their presence. At times, I could not tell the difference between Them and myself. As usual I spoke words that were not my own but this time there was so much less me there. If He wanted me to stand on my roof naked and cluck like a chicken, I would have. I am appreciative that He did not want this of me.

There was I time when I was full me. The big me. The one full of soul, connected spirit whose humanness is minimal. That me said, "Take everything. Take it all. Take everything." I begged and pleaded with the Goddess. "Take it!" I have little idea of what I was asking Her to take. I did so without fear. I wanted to crawl into Her toes and pop out her head. I have never been so alive.

Flower has never embodied the Goddess so completely I was proud of her. After she said like she left parts of herself all over the universe. Fits with the theme of me begging to have everything taken away.

As for the results, I will let you know

Monday, August 5, 2013

Signs You Are a Theurgist

Nick Farrell wrote signs that you might not be a real magician. You can find a beautiful counter response at Post Modern Magic. In reading these I am reminded of my response to the glass half full question. In my opinion, most folks just have the wrong sized glass.

A successful theurgist is not worried about who is doing it wrong and who is doing it right. We are concerned with doing it.

"There is a place between right thinking and wrong thinking; I will meet you there." -- Gilbran.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Habits for Spiritual Living: Needing Versus Being

The other day, I had a talk with Mr. Craig Slee, aka VI. As far as I can tell, the discussion has nothing to do with this post directly. Last night, I had a dream that also has nothing to do with this post. Some combination of the discussion and the dream led me to realize something. This is the equivalent of adding two and two and coming up with with sixteen without being aware of the intermediate steps.

2 + 2 = 4; 4 + 4 = 8 and 8 + 8 = 16.

There is a difference between those that need to help and those that are available to help. Both may have the skill set you need but the former adds too much of himself into the equation. This results in a perpetual need to return to him or her because the help you get is almost helpful. You feel like things are just around the next metaphorical bend in the road. Yet, whatever that thing is never seems to come. Those that are available to help provide assistance based on their experience combined with the just enough knowledge about yourself to be able to speak with you, in your language. They keep out of your way and let you evolve your way.

I share the Manifestation Meditation and perform as a life coach knowing these things in a way I never knew when I taught Golden Dawn stuff. The difference between my two approaches leads to an understanding of needing versus being.

When I taught before, I needed to be understood. That isn't teaching. That is seeking validation. That is needing to be the expert. Others that taught me, needed to be appreciated, loved, seen as the expounders of the mysteries. That too is seeking validation and emotionally needing to fill in an inner void. Both I and they did provide valuable insight and information. However, it was based on ego and thereby incomplete.

It is the ego that projects a false image of itself and therefore needs its projection reflected in the eyes of students. This is not a manifestation of attainment but a watery reflection that wavers as soon as a falling leaf touches the surface of a pool. That leaf being any probing question of spirit that touches the inner void space of the teacher.

Being is having an understanding of one's own universe and living 'in place'. Nothing can shake you from that place. This allows one to be available to answer questions, ask them and lend a helping hand without owning (and thus trying to control) the result. It leaves the student with the ability to answer her own questions and thus satisfy her spiritual needs.

This applies to more than teachers. I know a woman that does good work at the office but the work is a reflection of her need to be recognized. She labors under the false illusion that recognition will fill the void. It never will. So much more content would she be if she performed work directly for the benefit it offered both herself and others. Those benefits being significantly intangible. Double bonus points if she could get paid for it too. With her brains and talent she could do this. Never will she do it to fulfill a void. Never will she do it to fulfill an unnecessary need

Needs can be quite real and there is nothing negative in fulfilling them. More on that in a future post. However, one must learn to fulfill needs of being -- of spirit -- rather than the projections of ego. How do you tell? First, you recognize you are trying to fulfill a need. Then look for examples of successfully doing so. If in those moments you still have a tight gut, inner pain, and feelings of insecurity, you are fulfilling a false need of ego that will never be satisfied. When you are quiet and content for the long term, you are meeting your spirit needs. Again, more on that in a future post.

Note: Those of you that requested the Habits of Spiritual Living posts, may be interested in signing up for my life coaching newsletter. The topics there are simpler than my ramblings where with do-it-yourself tips. They are also professionally edited, unlike my scribblings here. Just click on the email link on this blog and request the newsletter.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Doing Dangerous Magick

I had an acquaintance come to me about a month ago. She said her violent ex-husband returned from Mexico to kidnap her child and take her to live with him down there. She obtained this information from a close relative of the ex. This person had no reason to make this up. So, she took this as a serious threat. She asked me for magickal aid.

I do not get a lot of this sort of work. I specialize in healing, soul readings, transformational development and that sort of thing. The few of these I have received, I referred to Jason Miller. I have no idea if they contacted him or not. This one felt like I needed to take. I know why but I am not sharing that here.

This sort of magick is very dangerous. Trying to keep a parent away from a child is serious stuff. Think of what it would take to keep you away from your child. In creating that sort of separation, you are very likely going to create a huge tragedy. So, I did nothing to create separation. I did ask her to confirm the information with others and she did.

She thought it was best to get him deported. I told her that it would be best to allow the magick to flow along the path of least resistance. Deportation may look like that path to us but other things may go on as well. For instance, he could have an outstanding warrant.

I sensed the threat was not immediately eminent. So, I took a couple of days to figure out the best set of rituals to perform. On the third day, I was on the disc golf course when I received  text that he was circling the baby sitter's house. My client was thirty miles away at work.

My only tool was pictures of mother, child and husband. Fortunately, I had separate pictures of each on my phone.

First, I focused on the child. I used the common sigil of Saturn. I concentrated on allowing the darkness of Saturn to hide her. As I gained a point of singularity, three medieval ax heads began spinning around her. This combined with the darkness seemed right. He couldn't find her easily and if he did, those ax blades may do the trick.

Second, I focused on him. This time, I called on Mars. I didn't mention anything of the situation. I merely conjured withing myself an intense purpose. A spear appeared with a red shaft. I hit him with it square in the chest.

That night the ex disappeared.

My client then went to the local police to report his activities. I do not know if my statement to her was fueled by intuition or not but it was then she learned he had an existing warrant for stabbing a girlfriend.

A couple weeks later, he popped up having filed a child protection complaint which earned him an immediate court date. The day prior, she went to the courthouse and talked to the bailiffs. They said they would take care of it, if she reminded them when he came in. She did and they did. He is now in jail on that warrant.

There is still some follow through to do on this for her but it looks things are good for the moment. Though the situation could still turn if he gets out or gets deported and comes back.

Frankly, this is dangerous magick...very dangerous magick. The potential for harm here was huge. The only reason I took a chance was that doing nothing had just as much potential for harm. The best outcome was that he tried and was caught on the spot. Even that could have severely traumatized the child. Who knows what this violent nut job would have done in Mexico.

I do not recommend doing this sort of thing unless you have an expert hand. One slip and you could feel very bad for a very long time. This is not the sort of thing I ever want to do again.

Tech note: This so called tech isn't a great deal of tech. It isn't something you'd expect from someone trained in ceremonial magick. The more deeply I connect with my Greater Neschemah, the less I do CM. Focus, meditation and background knowledge seem all that is necessary right now.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Demons are Your Friends

Long ago, I took an oath. Part of that oath was that I will view every encounter, every event in my life as a direct communication between G-d and my soul. I have made every effort to do that. Though, I haven't always understood the message.

One of the conclusions I have drawn is that everything in my life is a spiritual learning experience. That isn't a big a deal, as many others have reached that obvious conclusion. The trick is actually learning from as many events as you can. When you learn spiritual lessons from those events, you embody a greater amount of spirituality. This is no different from learning everything you can about your financial life. A middle class person with a financial focus can become quiet secure financially.

Demons are f---ed up little creatures with lots of power. They circle your life creating all sorts of havoc. They may interfere with relationships, self-esteem, the gain of knowledge, finances and the like. The upside is that any one demon interferes with the same category of event. One demon may mess with you at work, in your family life, and social situations but when you figure out it is only one demon, you may realize he is messing with your ability to communicate. Bam! You suddenly learn a lot about communication. To learn about communication, you have to know how things are being heard. To know that, you have to understand who is listening etc. The wealth of knowledge just from understanding the nature of one's demon is huge.

The spiritually-minded learn from life. Demons are your friends because they give you that opportunity to learn. They make the situation so obvious that you have to do something about it. Denial is not an option.

Now, if you are unwilling to learn in this life or do not learn lessons that way, then demons are nasty little creatures and if you feel negatively towards them, I totally understand.

On a related note...

Your demons can literally show up as your friends or other people in your life. Major General Dana Pittard's command had a declining suicide rate while the rest of the army's was climbing. He attributed this to his command's emphasis on obtaining treatment, without repercussion. In an interview on NPR, I heard him say that if your squad leader is old school and tells you to suck it up and get over it then to you, he IS THE ARMY.

Stop and think about that for a moment. One person at the proper junction point can BE over half a million people*, at least as far as you are concerned.

I have had a couple of such experiences. One was a person that kept a secret from me regarding the fallout of the very bad thing. Thoughts about that one incident prevented me from moving forward. This person was so high on my list of 'spiritual people' that I thought the secret had meaning and insight for my spiritual life. My intense drive for spiritual growth hit this barrier and drove me batty, crazy; I was nuttier than a fruitcake and mentally as busy as a hole-plugger in a Swiss cheese factory.

At the same time, I was making all sorts of progress spiritually but that one thing was a ring pass not, he was the demon** guardian of one threshold. Long time readers will remember the angst I spewed forth on these pages about that.  Eventually, I learned the secret or at least what he told others. At first I was angry, very angry. The 'secret' was a myth. It never happened. It was so full of amateurish bullshit that anyone that was there knew it was a lie. The secret was the equivalent of asking "What is in my pocket," when one's pocket is empty. The relief was immense. I had allowed myself to be held back by a lie. A lie. A LIE. That  is what demons do.

The power of a demon is that it is a barrier to your expansion. It has no other abilities. NONE. ZERO. Getting past that lie and being myself has released me into an entirely new world -- of my own creation.

Earlier, I said that understanding the nature of the one's demon has huge ramifications. Understanding how my friend used that lie for himself with others was a moment of great insight as well. I suddenly learned that people act in accordance with their spirit up to their capacity for its manifestation. At that point, their issues arise, their barrier, their demon. There is almost never any harm intended (unless harming others is the issue). Once I looked at behaviors as an expression of spirit and capacity, I gained a much greater understanding for and respect of my fellow humans.

This in turn lead to a level of clarity. I have run into some folks on Facebook from my past.*** Instead of buying into people baiting me, I let their issues pass on by. As such, I have named their demons.

  • I am insecure (Therefore I will try to get you to behave badly as that makes me feel better by comparison)
  • I will help you (To prove that I will cause or exacerbate an existing issue and then 'be there for you')
  • I do not understand (Therefore, you are bad.)****

The hidden internal dream dialogue for these people is, I have achieved, I am giving (or altrustic) and I know. Each of these has a life or behavioral manifestation: belittling others; spending time with needy people; the rejection of ideas not immediately compatible with one's own.

It should be noted that the persons I am referring to would not see themselves this way. This are how their issues manifest as a demon TO ME. Even were I to be 100% accurate in their universe, which I am not, everyone is bigger and better than their demons. Demons are just barriers to expansion. For me, encountering these demons brought on feelings of insecurity and/or anger.

Sometime last week I encountered one of these demons in the form of a former friend on Facebook throwing up a version of 'the secret'. The demon had no power at all. In fact, I didn't realize I encountered it for three or four days. I have surpassed those demons and this leaves me feeling great compassion for those still wrestling with them.  I know the pain of dealing with such nasty creatures. Do not interpret that as pity.

If you'll excuse me now, I have to go deal with the demons I still have to face. They are mine and they are legion.

* As of 2011 there were 565,000 active in the army, per

** By demon I mean my demon not that this person is a demon in any particular sense of the word or is a negative to any other human being on the planet.

*** If people didn't like old Robert, I totally get it.

**** In order to see these things, I must have or had that demon within me as well to a lesser or greater extent.

Note: You cannot write on some topics without someone perceiving you as an arrogant twit. That is why most bloggers avoid these things. If that is you, ask yourself, is the demon Arrogance mine or yours? A DEEPLY introspective look at such questions will yield you fruit no matter the conclusion.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Benefits of Dying

Over the next few days or weeks, depending upon the schedules of doctors and how much insurance companies want to interfere, I could be getting very bad medical news. I am at total peace with that. I am not nervous, worried or concerned. It only took a moment to learn why.

I am at peace with what I have accomplished spiritually. I have literally seen the perfection, the  unfolding, the wholeness. My experiences include seeing demons, angels, gods and interacting with them all. I have seen and spoken to my deceased father (I think). Most importantly, I have learned how beautiful each human being truly is. I have seen beautiful. I have assisted in healings. My life has been enriched by friends and enemies alike. I owe no apologies because if I owed one, I made it in the moment.

Don't take me wrong, I have no death wish. I still have things I want to do. However, I am totally content.

Because I am me, I have a question. If I can be at total peace awaiting such news, how can work still be so irritating?

UPDATE: Second doctor says first doctor overreacted. He was a bit miffed that I was told to get to my GP "Now." Chances are very good that all is well.

Monday, July 8, 2013

As I Leave Things Behind

In life coaching class today, we discussed our life purpose and how to develop them with our clients. We were asked to share anything we had come up with. I said that I had one for many years. So, the exercise wasn't particularly helpful to me in that respect. I was asked what it was.

My life purpose is to live within the will of God.

Upon sharing this I was asked if I could rate that on a scale of 0% to 100% where I thought it was. I said I understand my place at about 60 to 70 percent. The instructor said no. He meant how much does that describe my life purpose. In my gut, how much does that ring true? I said emphatically, "One hundred percent."

Two people cried. Two said they were blown away. One of those had a hard time talking.

I realized then that not everyone thinks this way much less lives the life. I knew it but somehow this made it more real. It made me understand more the past conflicts, parted friends, misunderstandings, loves and all sorts of things large and small.

My confidence level is high; I know exactly what I am supposed to do. I live my purpose with joy and happiness. I leave behind anger, pain, control, knowledge and fear. Those have been replaced with purpose, mission, vision and love. I am amazed at the people I love, from past and present.

My mission is to teach and enlighten through the classes I offer, the MM and coaching.

My vision is of people knowing KNOWING they are totally worthy of God. I can see their smiling faces and open hearts. Nothing they can do diminishes that beautiful truth.

As I do these things there are some that cannot share what I embody as my truth: Perfection, Unfolding, Wholeness. They reject each part. They get angry at my silence or my quiet conviction and move along. Others, see something different. Of those, a few are willing to take a few steps with me. When they do, lives change. Incredible things happen. I smile. The beautiful part is any work is theirs and so is any credit. Pretty much, I just sit here and ask a few questions or share a technique or two.

Those that need another way go in peace. Their parting does not burden me and I pray I do not burden them.

This is what I am meant to do.

Friday, July 5, 2013

You Cannot Do Wrong

In the comments section  of the I Lost Touch with Reality post, Christopher Bradford wrote the following:

Good stuff.....but I think you're concept of wrong being impossible isn't complete. That is only a truth if you live without context; if we're looking at the broad picture it is also impossible to do anything that is Right. Morality is a social matter, based on community, and that includes the spiritual community--the disincarnate beings we relate with. If we choose to disassociate from community and dissolve into the source, we can be free of concerns of right and wrong.....but only then. When we choose to relate to other beings we are in community, and the moral standards of the community we identify with determines the moral polarity of our actions. Ha. Basically what I'm saying is the idea of there being "no wrong" only applies to those beings who've ceased to interact with the other beings....or have imagined that they do. Even sociopaths are aware a given action is "wrong"....they just don't give a shit. Same thing applies to good/bad. Morality frankly is a "truth", as it is a on I Lost Touch with Reality

I totally agree with Chris...except for this.

On this plane, from the standard human perspective, he is totally correct. However, when you get above all that and see the vastness of the great unfolding and the perfection inherent in all things, it doesn't hold true. I do not have a degree in philosophy so I cannot share this directly. Instead, allow me a few examples.

Example 1:

In my life prior life, the very bad thing happened and on top of that a group of people punished me for the deeds of another (as far as I can tell). The rationale for this decision was deliberately and willfully hidden from me. This drove me flipping crazy. I became angery (in truth angrier) and obsessive. This boiled and roiled within the pressure cooker of my own mind. That pressure propelled me to see the Perfection, the Unfoldinging, and the Wholeness of all things. This is the greatest gift I can imagine. For all the pain and suffering of those ten years, I have obtained a peace that many never obtain in this life.

In the short term view of the moment, what they did  was indefensible and wrong. In the long term view, they did no harm at all but contributed to my unfolding.

As part of that, I have learned that I am totally sane (in a crazy way) but I cannot deal with the passive-aggressive and the secret keeper personality type. I actually can handle the more clinically mentally ill much more easily. So, I simply set clear boundaries as soon as I see these behaviors. It has worked quite well. I very politely demonstrate it can stop or the other can leave. Either way, I am totally fine. 

Example 2:

In 1980 a drunk driver killed a young girl. No one can defend this wrong. No one. However, from that her mother, Candy Lightner founded MADD saving tens of thousands of lives. This tremendous unforgivable tragedy created a focal point for nation-wide revulsion at lax laws and needless deaths. Society unfolded just a bit because of this. In the long term view, no harm was done. Life does not end, souls are immortal.

I realize that this is easily said when it isn't you. However, I feel the same way about the wrongs of others I have suffered previously documented here.

Example 3:

Judas betrayed the Christ (oh Judas is so evil so bad) but without Judas the Christ mythos totally falls apart. Without Judas, there is no sacrifice. The power of that moment sustains Christianity to this day. Did he do right by doing wrong or does the unfolding continue regardless? In my view, it is the latter and probably the former as well.


Yes, we can do wrong by violating the rules of society as we know them. This can be spiritually, emotionally, intellectually or physically damaging in the short term to both the wronged and the person who performed the grievous act. In the longer term, all that so called damage contributes to the unfolding in just the same way all the mercy we bestow on each other does. The latter is just easier to see.

I do find a certain irony here. I have long argued that magicians have a responsibility and just because they do things magickally doesn't mean their actions are immune from 'rightness' and 'wrongness'. We have to be careful in what we do, how we do it and the ripple effect. As soon as I point out that long term wrong is impossible, people come out and tell me I'm wrong for that too!

Though, I must admit, Christopher can tell me I'm wrong all day long. He has such a kind and eloquent way of doing so.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Totally Embarrassed Myself

Posting by phone.

A couple of months ago I attended a class by Coyle and Duquette. Lon interrupted the class to ask my opinion on things goetic and what they were teaching because " you have successfully done this." Cool. I have to admit to an ego boost for Lon to stop a class and ask for my opinion.

Just 45 minutes ago and after three hours of classes Lon asked me to do the closing lbrp. Again I was taken by complete surprise, especially since I haven't done one in a year. I did it.  Unfortunately I forgot half the ritual! As anyone would be I was totally embarrassed! Mortified.

On my way home from Sacramento, I pulled off the freeway, onto a frontage road and did it right while focussing on where I was a half hour prior.

I find myself driving through Stockton and I am hit with the vision of perfection!! I laughed and all is well. Everything is so cool. Just after, I look up. The street sign is Wizard street. Thank you universe!!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I Lost Touch with Reality

When I first had my visions of perfection, I was a bit euphoric. I remember that someone criticized that perspective and said that I had obviously lost touch with reality. For some odd reason I recalled those comments today and these thoughts followed.

Before my visions, this is the reality I experienced.

  • I was confused by other people's behavior
  • I thought that behavior always denoted a wrong doing by my part
  • I believed an argument was pretty much always appropriate
  • I believed that there were good and bad people and events
  • I was angry, oh so angry
  • I believed there was a right way and a wrong way.
  • "God" and "The Gods" were mysterious and possibly dangerous
  • Christians were pretty much irresponsible
  • Evangelists were immoral
  • I and everyone else needed to do personal alchemical work
  • I was often difficult to approach.
  • I was a seeker
  • I needed help to grow. So did everyone else.
  • Serious spiritual work was always necessary.
  • Demons could hurt you.
  • I was obsessed with the very bad thing.
  • Passive-aggressive people fueled the obsession.
  • I suffered from PTSD
  • I am sure there was more along those lines.
Yes, I have totally lost touch with most of those things. In my new reality:
  • I know that everything is perfect.
  • Our souls and reality continually unfold and that process is perfect.
  • Everything is whole and complete.
  • Non-duality is not about the third thing it is the absence of the illusionary thing. For instance, there is only good. There is no bad.
  • I am happy.
  • It is impossible to do anything wrong.
  • "God" and "The Gods" are totally cool.
  • No one needs to do spiritual work. Things will just take longer if you don't.
  • Evangelists are immoral but that is okay.
  • I am a mystic/magician/teacher/healer.
  • Everyone grows regardless
  • Demons are our friends.
  • I am friends with a disciple of Christ.
  • I understand when an issue is about me or someone else or both.
  • I don't argue with anyone.
  • I have clear vision and see the cause and effect others miss.
  • I omit passive-aggressive people from my life.
  • If you want to be a jerk, that is totally cool. You're still perfect.
  • Jerks are just God cleverly disguised as assholes.
  • From time to time, I am euphoric.
  • I smile a lot.
  • Life is totally wonderful.
Yeah, I lost touch with that old reality. The question is, why would anyone prefer me in that old reality compared to this one?

P.S. I am still an insomniac but Hypnos, the Greek god of sleep, is totally cool and helping me out with that.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Healing Visions

The more healing work I do the more I am aware that certain ailments look the same to my astral vision.

PTSD looks like we are made of white light and wrapped in black cloth. The trauma rips away part of that material letting the light shine through. It is my theory that the 'black cloth' is the barrier that keeps our souls from shining through before we clear up the dross. Severe trauma rips that cloth away and exposes our souls before either we our the world can handle that power. This accounts for a great deal of acting out not to mention extreme internal difficulties.

 Less severe emotional trauma is a bit more specific to the event. There are color patterns involved but these are more individualized.

Bipolar folks have very fast 'sticks' of energy that move in odd patterns within the astral cranium.

These patterns allow me to do better work as I don't have to spend as much time trying to figure things out. For instance, I learned today of a possible new symptom. Some time ago, I posted that I was working with a person that had an aneurism. After a bit of a break, I was asked to look in on some odd behavior this his wife thought may be depression or an increase in his confusion. I saw strange wisps of thought or etheric body rising as if some part of him was leaving to another world but that energy was weak. We didn't know what to make of it. So, I stopped the work. I am quite cautious. We have since learned that this person tried to poison himself. I know now that a similar vision may be a sign of a serious health risk. If I see that again, there will be an immediate appeal to see a physician.


From time to time, I am asked about my sharing my tech. I would but frankly I have no idea how to teach or copy this for anyone else. For the most part, my tech involves getting myself out of my own way. The less angst and doubt one has the better one does at this sort of thing. Speaking of which...


I haven't been posting much. Part of that reason is that I am deliriously happy and content. For all of you out there doing the difficult work, know that there is a pay off. You can get here too by rigorously following your path.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Astral Temple

Magicians are trained to create an astral temple. The exercise is to imagine a place filled with the symbolism that you believe aligns the universe with the purpose/location of your temple. For instance, if the temple is in Yesod, a sephira associated with the moon, one may have nine pillars within an open air amphitheater. It may be on an island surrounded by water. The moon may hang in the sky permanently full. The altar may be covered with a purple cloth. This is a valuable exercise.

You are told that once you form this place, you can go there to perform magic. I suppose you can, if you are particularly good at forming a lasting place on the very fluid astral using nothing but your imagination and will.

The problem with it is two-fold. First, you have to visit that place very frequently. The reason for that is that the new magician's imagination is usually pretty weak. One is basically constructing the place afresh every time out. Secondly, what happens if you haven't been there a while? You have to stop and think. What did I build? What is there? Oh no, what did I put there? Do you have to do that when you go home every day? Likely not. Can you remember the layout of  your first apartment even though you haven't been there in twenty years? Probably. Why does this happen? Those places are real. The temple you built is not. It does not exist anywhere but in your head.  Deep down you know that and your temple is just one more thing you have to overcome in order to succeed. It should be said that particularly talented or sufficiently experienced folks can do this. 

Did you ever wonder where this exercise came from?

I have no way of proving this but I think some magician understood his/her sense of place. Having a sense of place in this world is reflected in others, or vice versa. Having achieved a sense of presence here, I found my place on the astral. My place is in Yetzirah, the formative world. It is exactly where I need to be to do magick. My every talent converges on that place. I am fully at home there.

My place does not contain any false symbolism. In fact, in contains almost none of the symbolism I have been taught or read about. I did not imagine this place. I haven't added to anything that was there. Yet everything is alive with purpose. This is just as real as anyplace on earth. When I am present there, I am unstoppable.

I suppose there is another such place in Briah. From there, I would think the barest thought would create on this plane. Someday, I hope to find out.

Artificially creating an astral temple is a worthy effort. It should be understood that this is a temporary home at best. Find yourself and you will find a pre-existing place on the astral that yours.

How do you find yourself? Strip everything away. Everything. In all my years as a magician, I have never been satisfied when I successfully added something to my life with magick. Presence is achieved when there is nothing false left. Rid yourself of everything.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Thought Forms - No You Didn't Go Far Enough

I have written about thought forms over the years. Creating and using thought forms should be a consistent expression of your magickal output. If nothing else, just reading the list of what you've asked for reveals how you've gown and the depth of your fishing. The interpreting the results of your thought forms should be a staple of your mental input.

As a quick review, I used to ask questions like, "Show me where the conflict with X is happening elsewhere in my life." When I saw the reflection, I often found a core issue within that I was really fighting about." I may have asked, "Show my talent when it comes to..." and again, I'd be given some insight. "Show me another person in my life that behaves like X," allows you to start matching personality types. "Show me a solution to this problem." That one is a little more dangerous. Just because you see a solution does not make it a viable option. This sort of question does help with creative problem solving. Especially if you take the image of your thought form, strike with a hammer so it splits into many other duplicates and you get lots of varied results.  "Show me what to do to get my boss to like me," is a very practical question to ask. The potential list is of things to ask is endless.

Notice, all of these asked for information. You can use them to bring things into your life as well. I missed one type of question that I feel has serious potential and I am going to share that with you before I even try it myself, which I will.

In truth, this idea was likely born from the T. Thorn Coyle/DuQuette class I posted about a couple weeks back. There we raised our own private little demon. It was spooky. This was because the spirit took an unpleasant form. Had I remembered, I would have told the spirit to assume an affable shape. Once I did a week or so later, I was amazed at the wonder of what I saw. There truly is light within our darkness.

I have long stated that our biggest troubles contain our biggest answers. Those troubles are the blinds that keep us from finding ourselves. No more.

"Show me my true self hiding in that muck."

You won't regret it.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Throw Some Emotion Into It

I have never met a magician that didn't go through a period of doubt. Is this stuff in my head? Am I making it all up? If it is real, that doesn't mean I'm doing it right. If you are the magician that has never had these thoughts you are either very fortunate or something else.

What many do not realize is those thoughts hang on for a long time. So do every day thoughts, distractions and random detritus of the mind. All of these things interfere with the magick. These are barriers that you may not be aware are there. One tends to think that if you can just push them away for the moment of magickal release, you've done your job. You likely have but not to your fullest potential.

So how do you clear those thoughts long enough to reach that potential? Have fun. Have fun like you did on that vacation day when you didn't have a care in the world. Nothing from outside that moment disturbed your excitement about being the coast, in Europe or the forest. Remember that fun? Hang on to that fun with the intensity of making love, not fucking, not sex, but making love. Total focus, total desire, total release.

Oh but Robert, you're a magician, you know you're supposed to keep your emotions out of it. Hogwash. Total hogwash you Victorian Vicar! If you want it, your ritual or meditation should include time to SEE the result in vivid detail. Where does it happen? What time of day? Who (if anyone) is there? You need to include time to LISTEN. When it happens what is said, by whom? Are there birds singing, dogs barking, a noisy fish tank? Take time to TOUCH, are you sitting on a couch, outside in a cool breeze, or in a hot steamy kitchen? What is the fabric like on the couch? Does the cool breeze bring a slight chill? How does all that steam feel in the air? Take time to SMELL. What is cooking in that kitchen, what scents are carried by that breeze, is that a cat? Take time to TASTE. This may be hardest because we are not always in a situation where we are eating but other things stimulate the sense of taste. It is also very closely related to smell.  Has the place just by cleaned with Lysol? Is there some heavy household air freshener in the room? Those taste like metal on my tongue. Some perfumes even have a little taste. There is one more, how does success feel to you emotionally in the situation? Savor that feeling. Hold onto it as the ritual or mediation builds to sweet release.

Then enjoy that post coital bliss. You've just released all that built up pressure and anxiety the situation produced in an explosion of magick that will make the changes you desire. Smile.

Some people will say this is putting restrictions on the ritual. You aren't giving the magick room to work by giving it all that grounding detail. Again, hogwash, my pedantic prestidigitator! The astral doesn't work like that.

 One of the reasons astral visions are so easily debunked by the scientific community is that what appears on the lower astral doesn't appear exactly like it does in the mundane but there is a metaphorical link. For instance, you may see something as buried on the astral but in the physical it is in the bottom of a long forgot junk drawer. A car accident can manifest as an argument with a stranger.

So, when you work as I described above, none of what you see may happen but when you suddenly feel like you did in the vision for no reason at all, you may have just learned your magick worked. Or, you find yourself in such a scene in real life and suddenly the metaphors of you situation make sense. That experience is more powerful than the magick most people do.

The trick to the above is that it is one way of being totally present in the situation. It is work do all that but the concentration needed not only banishes distractions but focusses us on our sense of place, which is very important in magick and spirituality.

I am here. Right now. I am a force to be reckoned with.