A New Level of Pissed

Well, I've faced frustration issues at work. I've blogged about them. I've talked about them. I've seen a shrink about them. I'm frustrated.

I work for the government. There are a lot of very hard working people there. In fact, there are not many left in my department that don't work their tails off. I've worked in both the public and private sector and while this will surprise government bashers out there, there are more diligent government workers than private sector workers. The problem isn't the workers, it is the system. The system is so complex because of the huge effort taken to make sure every tax payer dollar goes where it is supposed to that you spend two dollars proving were the other three have been spent.

I work on a computer system that tracks a certain type of services provided to a group of people in a situation that you can thank your god you are not in. My department represents the best of what society would like do for those that through no fault of their own are in a world of hurt and misery.

Yet, occasionally, I run into people that are so burnt out or so apathetic that the simply refuse do their jobs. One person can really drag these complex systems to a halt in a hurry. I am dealing with two at the moment.

Here is the problem. I am so frustrated right now that energy is coursing through my body like I can not believe. I feel like I need to take some downers. I don't do drugs. So, there seems to be a problem.

The magickal end is this. Wednesday night I did a middle pillar. In my tradition, you raise energy by drawing it down from the crown. In my experiment, I started at the feet (malkuth) and worked up the middle pillar and then back down. I did that at about 7:00 at night. I could not fall asleep until four in the morning because it raised so much energy. Last night, I slept 10 hours. Now, I am LOADED with energy sparked by that work frustration but it feels the same as that middle pillar energy only with an emotion attached. Coincidence? I don't know.

As you've read before, I just note things and record them. I will reach conclusions later.