Anti-Climatic Tower

I have been working some of the paths on the tree of life towards a specific point. I have ritually walked the paths of the Devil and Death. I wondered about the Tower. I have transversed that path in previous initiations. Yet it is the part of my current journey as well. What would I encounter?

Given you've read the rituals I've worked out in the past, I wouldn't belabor those details again. I will say that during the invocation of the sphere of Hod I saw the angel of the sphere. Predictable right? Wrong. He quickly morphed into the Temperance card. In short, that was permission to walk that path. Given that I don't change ritual in mid-stream, I finished up anyway.

When I called upon the choir of Hod, I took a proud stance. I was out of my normal magickal posture. I was then told by them, the children of the gods, that I so identified with my mind and that it is not my strength. When I moved to the choir of Netzach, I was told that my desire is what focuses every strength I posses. That is the way to victory. Yeah, I knew these things. It is different in ritual though.

So, I invoke the deity of the path. He tells me that I have walked this path and I may go on. He tells me of how the path for me revealed false choices. Choices I didn't have to make. Choices outside of my sphere. He continued by telling me that this will always be a challenge for me. It will be good to check in here often.

Yawn.

The upside is the path of Samekh, Temperence, awaits.

Starting Another Blog - Tarot

I have been contemplating making some posts on the tarot. Among magicians, this is about as exciting as posting about dreams. Given some of you may like this topic and some may not. I've started a tarot specific blog called Magician's Tarot. I do not expect to post there as frequently as here.

Queen of Wands

I've been asked to share my definition of the Queen of Wands.

Without covering my personal philosophy of the cards, I will just say that the definition is two-fold for every card. I have a general definition I use for everyone I read for and a specific one for me. The general one is, not to belabor the point, generalized to macrosomic meaning. The personal one is my microcosmic meaning. If I read for another and hit their microcosmic meanings, I'm having a good day. For the Queen of Wands my personal definition is this:

Fire made patient. Not smoldering but power contained. When fire is not fire, power is not power, but the full potential for both making it more power/fire than even the ace. It is pre-ace but manifested.

Yes, this is highly idiosyncratic and the pre-ace part sounds odd for those that have done some reading on the tarot but it won't for folks that read my book.

Edit: The pre-ace part will sound odd even if you do read the book. I don't care. It works for me.

The Anti-Christ

Sometimes, all that is needed is a change in perspective.

The perspective most in our culture have of the Anti-Christ is one of evil. If Christ is good then the Anti-Christ must be bad, the ultimate adversary. This is logical.

In my recent study of the tarot I realized that if we number the possible cards thus:

The major arcana as 1 through 22 (yes I know the fool is supposed to be zero, bear with me, and then we continue the pattern as aces = 23, kings = 24 and so on down to the ten and then we add up those numbers we get a very interesting number. If you added the numbers 1,2,3,...36, the sum is 666.

Given that the tarot is a perfect representation of the entirety of the Universe, what does this mean? It means that the entirety of the creative world below the highest plane of Atziluth (fire) is in perfect manifestation. The world of Briah (water) has been raised to its Tipereth. So have the worlds of Yetzirah (air) and Assiah (earth).

What does this have to do with the Anti-Christ?

If we choose to see the Christ as he who intercedes with "God" or as I prefer the Creatix for our salvation, the anti-Christ would be he that intercede for himself with That Which Creates or the Divine Archetect, if you will. He that through his own trial and suffering has perfected each and every part of himself and then can literally stand as a microcosmic redeemer or a "little sunshine".

And before someone thinks I am meaning to say that I have reached that status, the answer is no. I have not.

Picture from: http://www.songspell.net/images/treesuites4.png

What is My Role?

I do not write of the tarot often. As a tarot reader, I have a moderate skill but today, I contemplate the art.

Within the last year or so, there were a series of posts by the bloggers' cabal, which consists of myself, Jason Miller, Frater RO and My Gal with contributions from IDP and Lavanah, in which we discussed group leaders. Jason posted about a Buddhist teacher who made a pass at a student. The student thought he should be above such desires. This is a common failing of students and teachers alike. Students want to look up to their teachers as an ideal. Teachers let them. Who can blame either side? I know I needed someone to look up to when I began. And who blames a fellow for enjoying such love? The problem with this arrangement is when the teacher stumbles, and they all do, the student is left shaken. If the teacher falls, the results can be disastrous. The solution is for teachers to make it very clear to their students that they are not perfect. They will stumble from time to time. That does not diminish the message or the aspiration.

I have some friends whose lives were changed by a tarot reading. A reading that predicted an event three years before its occurrence in such a startling fashion that you'd have to be a skeptic of considerable blindness to refute the facts. The Amazing Randy and Penn and Teller need not make inquiries. My friends' lives were not changed as much for the event as for its prediction.

These two thoughts, the role of the teacher and the tarot reading, have left me to ponder the role of the tarot reader.

As a tarot reader, I have taken some pride when I hit the bull's eye. You've been in FIVE abusive relationships, not four, not six, five. And, I've also been aware of things I did not say that were so uncanny one can not possibly believe in anything other than some psychicism. For instance, there is no way I could have known a person's real question involved the selling of marijuana.

I can see how some go to readers for the entertainment value. Getting an 'unknowable' fact correct would offer that entertainment. Others go to ask questions that, while very mundane, are of real import to the querent. Sometimes, a hero arrives who wants to know of his or her relationship to the gods or God. They want to know how to better than they are, more attuned. They want to manifest more than a personality. One could view himself as providing a service to each of these and tailoring their readings accordingly. The problem there is that one never knows. My friends sought entertainment. Yet deep inside was really a spiritual need made manifest by that reading.

While many want to hear 'unknowable facts' as 'proof' of the reader's talent and I think the reader should offer such when the information makes itself known, no tarot reader should seek this. Instead, the reader should seek to serve his client, as the client needs. He who seeks the unknowable fact may become so proud of himself, that he misses the underlying question being asked. Does it matter that the querent has been in five abusive relationships? Did I think she did not know? Then of what value was that information to her? Of what value was the information that her 'need' to be in such situations came from her father, who was also abusive? Would it not have been better to offer a way of changing that internally should she so choose?

As in many things, the answer is to serve those that appear. Serve the kind. Serve the mean. Serve the seeker. Serve the buffoon. For service is, in and of itself, a sacrament.

Moving On to Air

The Stavish book says you do a week with each element as you're learning to lucid dream. Then you do a week with each planet. So be the rules.

Last night, as I was meditating on the earth symbol encased in the red ball, it was very clear that I was done. Air, here I come. As I meditated, I prayed to my HGA to clear the blockages of air that I may explore. I had many dreams that involved me being taught something and one involved my sister's family and me sneaking away from them to get a bagel because they couldn't decide where to eat breakfast. I am sure that had some deep mystical meaning! The dreams where I was being taught were confusing. As I started to wake I tried to remember them and then decided that they were not Stavish related. Why I thought that I don't know. Then I decided my HGA did not answer my prayer. Immediately, I felt the shell of my main issue. I felt how tense it made my entire body. It was a bit creepy. That may have lasted for three seconds. 

As a reflection of the great Eleusinian mysteries, I was talked to and then shown. 

Enochian Temple and Tarot:

Today, we put the Enochian temple back up. There is an ebb and flow to things with a necessary pause. The flow part has begun again. In part because I need to learn more about the tarot. I have spent a good part of the afternoon working with the first group of downloads and then working my way through the last one, disks, which is proving difficult. Nanta has explained why. I don't have the time to give that dissertation at the moment. 

For the most part this is my personal system of tarot and that system is designed for one purpose. I am not going into a bunch of detail but I do plan on teaching it locally. I am still writing though only up to 2,500 words or so.

Well, this is about my third entry today. I have been bouncing in and out of temple staring at tarot cards. It is HARD. I feel like this is a reflection of my GD-style initiations, even one's I have yet to take! There is an introduction, a harsh reality, even a terror that spawns a retreat. Then one is ready to proceed.

Fourth entry of the day now.

I meditated on EHNB. S/he is the ruler of the Tablet of Union. I basically told her that I was done. I needed to reconcile the elements and needed to do it now. Furthermore, I am going to astral project.  

I invited her in my body. She poured into me like a liquid. I was startled and said "you have a human form?" Her answer was that she filled my form as that makes me more comfortable. There was certain Pan-like quality that didn't match anything I'd associate with Pan. When she heard the name in my head she said that by her filling my body (attuning me) I would be in greater attunement to Pan. By working with Pan, I'd be in greater attunement with her. However, she made it quite clear that they are not compatible at the same time. She was quite firm. 

Regardless, she told me that in order to do what I needed to do, I needed to give up thoughts. This lined up nicely with moving on to air in the Stavish meditations. She said there were certain thoughts that kept me from projecting.  She asked me if I was ready to give them up. I said yes. She made sure that I meant yes by asking, "No matter what they are?" Naturally, I agreed. 

I then saw a string that dropped from my brain deep into the earth. She told me to release it and I did. It snapped back into the earth like elastic. This happened several times. Some were thoughts about myself, others, the work etc. One of those thoughts involved my inner need to be perfect. I am very hard on myself for not being perfect. Most of the time, folks are simply not aware at how much I beat myself up for my mistakes but I do. I asked where this thought came from. 

Instantly, I was back in kindergarten. The image was quite clear. I was taken back to the point of a story long told in my family for a laugh. As a child, I would always want to color with the black crayon. My class mates would be more than happy to hand it over. A teacher noticed this and thought I was color blind. I was taken to three or four doctors. I think one of them was a mental health person but I could be mistaken on that point. On my second or third trip to an eye doctor to test for color blindness the doctor asked me why I colored with the black crayon. I said it was the only one I didn't have to wait for or fight over. Everyone laughed and off I went. 

However, somehow in my young mind, this was connected that I had to be like everyone else or I was bad. I knew I wasn't like everyone else and off I went on this need to be perfect. It should be interesting to see if I give myself a break after this. Though she warned me that was a bit dangerous. If I am not balanced, I could go to the other extreme. 

She made all sorts of promises about astral projecting soon. I will wait and see if that happens. Her soon and my soon may mean two different things. Human time and spirit time are not the same.

I did ask here if the strings tying me to the earth were reality. She did not have a way of explaining that to my mind. She said they were metaphor that were closely connected to reality. 

Fruit of the Stavish Tree

More Stavish Dreams

Last night, instead of focusing on the nape of the neck before going to sleep, I meditated on it while fully awake. During the meditation I prayed to my HGA to teach me want needed to do to get past the water issues that are holding me up. Basically, I adopted the stance that the earthy water dreams I had were a clue in that direction. I dreamed of sitting with a red-headed member of the OSOGD and asking for further initiation. Unfortunately, I can not remember the group name I asked to be admitted to. My request was received with 'knowing' and pleasure. 

The dreams I have had each night seem to be more directly related to my quest than most dreams I have. Though, I am not anywhere near lucid.

This evening I meditated on the issue that I discuss here as haunting me. I think I understand now. There is a saying I've used for a long time. I once told a seeker who was pontificating about his understanding, "You know but you don't know you don't know." This is where I have been for a long time. Now, I think I know and I know I know. My only doubt is that this has lasted for so long that it is hard to beleive I get it but it feels like I do.

This resulted in some work I can only share with my mentor.

Tarot

I've started writing a tarot class to be given locally. My only raw magickal talent is the tarot. There are a couple of people that are respectfully afraid of my abilities in that area. I know exactly what I need to say but I am needing to do some research on a few things to get over a hurdle. I have only 2,500 words done so far but I will keep plugging away.

I am really in need of a conversation with VonFaustus. I will contact him when he is back from being silent. 

Some Tarot Cards

I have no intention of stealing WitchDoctorJoe's tarot card theme. If you're reading this space and not his, you're missing something. Even if you dislike tarot cards, you'll love his writing.

At any rate, the Enochian entities have downloaded some tarot card information for me. So far, they have downloaded the cups, wands and swords. A few of the cards stood out to me. I thought I'd share.

The two of wands is called Dominion. This can be seen as power -- Mars in Aries. However, this is about exercised natural power. This is the group leader booting someone or the boss firing an employee. This is the father telling his son he can not have the car keys this weekend. This can certainly be abused quite quickly and often is. The point is the person exercising this power is in a natural position of authority that is unassailable. The person of lesser power is nearly powerless. You submit or you get hammered. Right or wrong has nothing to do with it. That is all there is to the situation.

The three of wands draws its power from the two. However, here it is twice restricted. First because the threes are in Binah. This gives the proper amount of restriction or form to raw power, allowing it to be wielded wisely and for unselfish purpose. Secondly this is the sun in Aries. The sun is stable and not subject to capricious whims. Whimsical power is a recipe for disaster. Virtue, wielding power for unselfish ends. Any question why this is one of my new favorites?


The five of wands, strife, is in my birth card series. My birth cards are Strength, Prince Wands and 5 Wands. Strife figures greatly into my history. Where conflict can be found, I have found it. I've been known to have a smoldering anger just below the surface. I can be very pointed when I say things. "What do you mean you get upset when I call you a jerk? You're acting like a jerk, aren't you?" I have calmed down a bit over recent years. Since having this card and the Ace of Cups explained to me, I've calmed down a quite a lot. This card represents frustration in being thwarted trying to create my primal emotion, unity.

Knowing that, I've worked to create unity instead of 'telling the truth'. I still speak an unrelenting truth, as I see it. However, this is more subtle now and is handled by creating a form for others to follow that things become ordered and unified

There is a rare twist for me in this card I noticed long before I associated it with this card. The brutal honesty that manifests as strife for me is applied internally. It allows me to have the rare trait of being able to like someone that does not like me and respect someone I do not like.



The power of fire that is free, directed, joyful and unrestrained. This is creative fire, having left the destruction of the suit behind. Actually, this is the suit before the destructive forces manifest in the pips (see the abused two above). This is the fire card representing hope and joy. It manifest to me through my sense of humor, my passion for magick and how I feel in moments of unity.


The Queen. She is another new favorite. I plan to skry her and learn. This is fire paused in its manifestation. The queen is pre-fire. She has all the potential of fire -- raw power; raw creative power; raw destructive power; the power of spring to bring life; and the power of the desert sun to sap it away. All of this is unmanifest. All of this is potential. Great potential. Comfortable in its ability to exercise power and not having to do so.

These are some of the cards as I understand them now.

More Tarot

Tonight a force descended or perhaps more accurately, exploded from the earth after I sent lightening into its core. My guess is this was Xcai and not Exarp given the work I've been doing. The energy that I moved through me today was rough and vertical and more likely to be in line with Xcai. I didn't ask who it was...instead, I received.

I received more explanations of the tarot. Ace, Knight (King), Queen, Prince, Princess, two, three, etc. Tonight, it was swords. Miserable suit that. To see those explanations and so much of myself. Yuck! To know that all of us face these cards in our lives -- we all go through the same processes is heart breaking. I feel sorry for my deepest enemies. Heck, I'd feel sorry for THE ENEMY where I a Christian, if he had to go through swords.

The upside is I know where I am and where I have been with that suit. I am not in a bad place. Humbling yes but bad no. Bad was before. Where so many people are and have been but so few escape. Sad sad humanity. Sad sad because our sadness is not caused by our emotions but by logic. The logic that makes us and them. The logic of individualization. PAIN! What fools we are. Fools. In these cards are the ability to utterly destroy another or be utterly destroyed. No unity is possible when we live within these sharp edges. There is nothing but bloody ideas resulting from dull and misused blades.

So far the Enochians have 'downloaded' Cups, Wands and Swords. Earth should be next. Earth. After that, I would assume the major arcana will come slower. Maybe not. Maybe not. The truth. Unity. Life. These are not found in swords. True death comes from that which dissects, separates. Oh, how humanity suffers upon weapons of their own creation. Fools. So many fools.

Fire Download

Just as with the cups, Paam explained the tarot wands to me tonight.

I understand now, more than I ever have. I understand the poor bastards born as the 5 of wands, like myself. I understand now, how to correct the situation. I understand now what My Gal means when she says she is water for I am fire. I understand my nature so much better.

A spell is in the making for me by me. Fascinating. The five of wands, will be no more.

Enochian Theurgy -- Ace of Cups

A few days ago, I posted that Hcoma gave me a run down on the tarot suit of cups. She started with the Ace, moved through the court cards and provided insight into each pip, one by one. It was good stuff. Those words will be studied them for some time.

As most of you know, everything starts with the aces. Some qabalists even place the four aces in Keter on the Tree of Life. She told me the ace was the primary emotional impulse. Then she revealed how that emotion manifested through the court cards and which one 'lost' understanding. Fascinating. Maybe, I will post more on that someday.

I am fascinated by the primal emotion. The first emotional impulse. She told me that impulse is the need for unity. I thought that she was talking to just me. Surely there must be other primary impulses for other people. Then as I looked to the cards that represent the decay of that impulse or its state of corruption, I began to see things in a new light.

I stopped to consider the missteps of those I've seen around me as well as my own. Memories of the emotionally painful things that happened in my life and those I've witnessed, center on reactions to the emotional need for unity.

Do you remember high school cliques? At a time when we are becoming actualized individuals away from 24/7 supervision from our parents, we get mean. The loss of 'unity' with our parents causes us to create a false unity with our friends, who are all desperately trying to be unique by dressing the same way. Those that are different are ridiculed, marginalized and minimized.

The reject that dyes her hair fourteen different colors at puts rings through her nose is trying to embrace that she is different. Yet all she is doing is putting up a large red lettered sign saying, "I am separate and I hurt."

Think of the spouse that is cheated upon. The pain doesn't come from fifteen minutes of someone else's pleasure. It comes from an emotional loss of unity with their loved one.

Think of religions that degrade other religions. I've always been amused that most of the time these attacks target the people most like them. One look at all the Christian sects proves the point. They are saying we are in unity with "God". They are different and therefore represent disunity. Yet, the fail to see it is their rejection of others causes the own fear.

People lie at work so they stay unified to their bosses. They don't want to face the fact that they are the only one in the meeting to have made a mistake. That would make the separate from the whole.

The examples go on and on.

I've always thought I was out of touch with my emotional life. Yet, I've always craved spiritual unity. I live in a conscious quest for that unity. Perhaps, I've been embracing the one emotion that lay at the core of all the others.