Moving On to Air

The Stavish book says you do a week with each element as you're learning to lucid dream. Then you do a week with each planet. So be the rules.

Last night, as I was meditating on the earth symbol encased in the red ball, it was very clear that I was done. Air, here I come. As I meditated, I prayed to my HGA to clear the blockages of air that I may explore. I had many dreams that involved me being taught something and one involved my sister's family and me sneaking away from them to get a bagel because they couldn't decide where to eat breakfast. I am sure that had some deep mystical meaning! The dreams where I was being taught were confusing. As I started to wake I tried to remember them and then decided that they were not Stavish related. Why I thought that I don't know. Then I decided my HGA did not answer my prayer. Immediately, I felt the shell of my main issue. I felt how tense it made my entire body. It was a bit creepy. That may have lasted for three seconds. 

As a reflection of the great Eleusinian mysteries, I was talked to and then shown. 

Enochian Temple and Tarot:

Today, we put the Enochian temple back up. There is an ebb and flow to things with a necessary pause. The flow part has begun again. In part because I need to learn more about the tarot. I have spent a good part of the afternoon working with the first group of downloads and then working my way through the last one, disks, which is proving difficult. Nanta has explained why. I don't have the time to give that dissertation at the moment. 

For the most part this is my personal system of tarot and that system is designed for one purpose. I am not going into a bunch of detail but I do plan on teaching it locally. I am still writing though only up to 2,500 words or so.

Well, this is about my third entry today. I have been bouncing in and out of temple staring at tarot cards. It is HARD. I feel like this is a reflection of my GD-style initiations, even one's I have yet to take! There is an introduction, a harsh reality, even a terror that spawns a retreat. Then one is ready to proceed.

Fourth entry of the day now.

I meditated on EHNB. S/he is the ruler of the Tablet of Union. I basically told her that I was done. I needed to reconcile the elements and needed to do it now. Furthermore, I am going to astral project.  

I invited her in my body. She poured into me like a liquid. I was startled and said "you have a human form?" Her answer was that she filled my form as that makes me more comfortable. There was certain Pan-like quality that didn't match anything I'd associate with Pan. When she heard the name in my head she said that by her filling my body (attuning me) I would be in greater attunement to Pan. By working with Pan, I'd be in greater attunement with her. However, she made it quite clear that they are not compatible at the same time. She was quite firm. 

Regardless, she told me that in order to do what I needed to do, I needed to give up thoughts. This lined up nicely with moving on to air in the Stavish meditations. She said there were certain thoughts that kept me from projecting.  She asked me if I was ready to give them up. I said yes. She made sure that I meant yes by asking, "No matter what they are?" Naturally, I agreed. 

I then saw a string that dropped from my brain deep into the earth. She told me to release it and I did. It snapped back into the earth like elastic. This happened several times. Some were thoughts about myself, others, the work etc. One of those thoughts involved my inner need to be perfect. I am very hard on myself for not being perfect. Most of the time, folks are simply not aware at how much I beat myself up for my mistakes but I do. I asked where this thought came from. 

Instantly, I was back in kindergarten. The image was quite clear. I was taken back to the point of a story long told in my family for a laugh. As a child, I would always want to color with the black crayon. My class mates would be more than happy to hand it over. A teacher noticed this and thought I was color blind. I was taken to three or four doctors. I think one of them was a mental health person but I could be mistaken on that point. On my second or third trip to an eye doctor to test for color blindness the doctor asked me why I colored with the black crayon. I said it was the only one I didn't have to wait for or fight over. Everyone laughed and off I went. 

However, somehow in my young mind, this was connected that I had to be like everyone else or I was bad. I knew I wasn't like everyone else and off I went on this need to be perfect. It should be interesting to see if I give myself a break after this. Though she warned me that was a bit dangerous. If I am not balanced, I could go to the other extreme. 

She made all sorts of promises about astral projecting soon. I will wait and see if that happens. Her soon and my soon may mean two different things. Human time and spirit time are not the same.

I did ask here if the strings tying me to the earth were reality. She did not have a way of explaining that to my mind. She said they were metaphor that were closely connected to reality. 

Sunday's Work

Yesterday, I posted about an idea I had to get astral. What I didn't post was that I partially enacted that idea. The idea was to make offerings to an angel of the GD tradition that is 'in charge' of such things. I changed my mind because for the moment, I like doing the offerings as a gift. Expecting anything in return makes it an obligation, not a gift. 

This is why I've never understood people that expect thank you notes or other kudos when they give a gift. If you expect something back, do not call it a gift. Call it an obligation, for that is what it is. "For your birthday, please accept this obligation." What?

Instead of the offering, I just said I a short silent prayer to this angel.

Last night, I dreamed I was walking above the earth. I have dreams like this quite often and I always complain to myself about not recognizing this and failing to become lucid. Over time, I have noticed that I have managed to get higher. In the beginning it was just a couple of inches off the ground. Last night, I was overjoyed to 'walk' over a one story building. It was in that moment, I became lucid. 

I was lucid but I had no plan.  I vibrated the hierarchy of Yesod. With astral eyes closed! I could feel the vibration and it was awesome. I could feel that astral movement but I kept wondering where I was going because I could not see. 

It felt like a traveled in an arcing pattern as pictured above.

I landed on the campus of a city college some where and realized I had left my books on the roof of that building I walked over.  The symbolism is obvious. I left my 'education' behind early in the flight.  I feel foolish, I've never closed my eyes before when doing this. Perhaps, it is a sign I was not ready to see. Perhaps, it is just an example of being Frater Bonehead.

This is a good sign that praying to that angel will work. I will continue with that approach.

Enochian Temple

I took it down last night. It was time. It had gone unused. Oddly, the red carpet under the table was rotating under the table while the table remained parallel to the walls. 

I took it down to dedicate something to Pan. I simply could not do it. I kept looking for an excuse not to. I then sat down and meditated and tried to reach 'transcendent Pan'. I 'heard' that I still fear. I should wait until I can purge that fear. I have begun to work on that through prayer. 

My back hurt today. Coincidence?

Offerings

Again I performed the offerings today. I love how that makes me feel. The offering to the local spirits took the form of rain. The offering to the Universe was again a beautiful column of light. Awesome.

LBRP/Middle Pillar

I did this the same way as yesterday a bit later in the day than the offerings. I really enjoy this. 

During the middle pillar, there was once again a crown at Keter with twelve or thirteen points. It seemed too many for ten. Towards the end, my head felt like all the synapses were firing at once. It is similar to how I feel when astral projecting through dreams. 

Meditations

I meditated several times today. Now that Jason has made it fun, I feel like I'm playing the carnival game Whack-A-Mole only the moles are the thoughts that pop up. From time to time, I can feel the energy of the thought before a language component is added and interrupt the process without knowing the seed of the thought.  It feels as if the thoughts arrive in different physical locations within the brain and I just prevent them making a landing. 

This has resulted in that 'all synapses firing' feeling that I get from time to time in solo ritual work and lucid dreaming.

I also sanded my money box today.

(picture from: http://photojournal.jpl.nasa.gov/catalog/PIA11101)

Three Modes of Approach/Replies to Comments

Happy Sunday everyone.

My Gal and are exciting about a minor remodeling project. New paint and a new bamboo floor! We bought some sample sizes of paints today and are painting test patches on the wall. There is no going back now!

I have three areas of magickal work I am considering:

1. Conjuring all for elemental kings and then the angels of the seven planets
2. Pursuing the "Pan"/Goddess connection. though I have concerns with Pan, much less the Goddess
3. Working the Enochian water tablet

I don't think I need to do anything with item 2. If that continues to happen, that will manifest on its own. That which I am experiencing as Pan is loud and in my face. I will have no choice but to deal with him in some way, either acceptance, banishing or truce.

The other two are more my style. I will have to choose a path soon. I can feel it. I've been idle too long.

Responses to Comments Left

I love the comments and I read all of them. Sometimes I want to respond but I dont' have the time. Other times, I have nothing to add but I like receiving them.

THEO -- Thanks for the picture links! I sincerely appreciate the effort. First of all, it was very cool to have someone in a museum in Europe thinking of me in the backwaters of Fresno, California USA. That was a little harmless ego stroke for me. I really appreciate the picture links too. At first, I could not land the page on that second site but I see what you mean. That is the side of Pan that scares me. I don't know a lot of others that have dealt with Pan. I have no idea if my experiences, including those I'm not posting about, are typical or not.

Gordon -- I tend to be nice to my readers and comment posters. However, sometimes I have to vehemently disagree. Conjuring a spirit and ingoring its lore is downright foolish and not to mention dangerous. Yes, magick can be worked under a social construct but there is a social saftey aspect to the concept of one's reputation. If three friends tell me a person is a thief, I'm going to get to know him pretty well before he enters my home invited. Same here. With lore like that i am going to learn about this spirit as much as possible before extending and invite.

There is a saying in magick, don't conjure anything you can't banish. I have Pan on me right now and I'd have a heck of problem banishing him should I choose to. I am not about to invite big loud spirit number 2 into the mix. There are old sane magicians and young sane magicians but no magician stays sane by being overly bold. The work is subtle. The bulldozer approach should be avoided.

Ahmlicu

I am tired. My body has too many medications in it. I feel them like the poison they are. Emotionally, I want to do magick. I just don't have it in me right now.

I popped into the temple room and asked the Enochian Angel of Mercury of Air for some help with my back. Having worked with him before, no ritual was necessary. S/he readily appeared and showed me a black earth beneath a symbol of Mercury. I suppose to confirm who s/he was. The answer was that it was not the right entity and to try Mercury of Air. So, I asked him about another matter. He said he'd help but I'd have to conjure him under the other king of tablet. He said it was mostly a procedural matter. Govermental angels! Wonderful. I asked if he'd be best for the duty I'd request. He said no but he'd be able to help it along. The best would be an entirely different class of Enochian spirit. He warned I was not ready for those, especially the airy versions.

A Successful Bit of Magick

I mentioned in this post, that I did for some things for myself. One of them, was to improve my ability to study and retain information regarding spiritual things. I read but rarely study what I read. When I do, it is forced. I simply do not like doing it. However, I want the knowledge.

The spirit gave me a sign to make and I did, though I don't like it much. I will make a better one.

Today, a book called "Greek Folk Religion" arrived in the mail. I very enthusiastically opened it, read it and have studied the pages. I have taken notes. I have saved them in a binder. I am in great physical pain. I am on pain medication is large doses and still I am studying.

I've posted recently about confirmations. This is one. This is a radical change in emotional state and behavior. Some would say it worked because I wanted it to. I could have done this without magick. Of course I wanted it to, or I would not have done it. However, without the magick, I wasn't doing this at all, I merely wanted to. This magick worked. The only question is, for how long?

Verification

Today, I posted about an act of magick. I said I'd post the results here. Can any determination of the effectiveness of my magick be made here? It is a good idea to determine what constitutes proof before any event occurs. Otherwise, one can be led into delusion.

The spell was for the spirit to determine if the car can be repaired with its safety features in tact, If that is possible. If so, the spirit was to make or influence the insurance company repair the car rather than declaring the vehicle totalled. How could a spirit know if the car can be repaired safely? Likely by reading the mind of the mechanic I suppose but I don't know. So, let us say the insurance company says the car must be totalled. Did the spell work or not? No real way to tell. Perhaps, the car could not be repaired safely. They determined that and totalled the car. No way to prove magickal influence there. Let us say they deterimine the car can be repaired and do so. Aside from the minor miracle of an insurance company paying a claim, this could have happened without my magick being involved. There is no real way to tell.

No matter what happens there, no valid test can be made.

Was my time wasted? No. I learned about I spirit that I know was there. I know because I saw him and he explained things in a manner that was new to me. He gave me signs to use to help the other things I asked for come to fruition. Can those magicks be proven effective? Not exactly, but they can be with a higher probability than the car.

Enochian Work - Volunteered

My back has been giving me problems of late. Perhaps because I didn't not seal properly after helping some one. I know that drained my ability to perform magick. I sealed that leak and now I'm back in the saddle magickally. The back is still a problem but it has been SO MUCH better of late that I can not complain.

Last night, a friend called for a favor. She had been in an auto accident and she didn't want the insurance company to declare the car totalled, if it could be fixed safely. So, I did a little Enochian today. I know, some folks would say that they don't understand issues such as that. But, that is what they say. Who are they? I gave it a shot.

I didn't do this last night because I was on too many meds. Viciden does not help me with magick. However, if I take the exact right dose for the pain level, it is basically a slightly slower form of sober. I can do magick like that. That exact dosage level is rare but it happened today.

I did the LBRP astrally. It was one of the best 'visualized' LBRPs I've ever done. I'd like to make a brief comment on that. I have only rarely successfully astral projected. So, to say I did the ritual astrally is not really correct. I did it in my head but projected my thoughts away from my body. I 'saw' myself performing the right. I 'heard' my voice saying the words. I have done this before and then, unhappy with the result, got up and did it physically. This time, it felt really good.

I burned Mugwort because that is what the back of my brain screamed at me to burn. I wanted Dittany of Crete. I was overruled.

I did the normal opening but instead of just saying the words, I used the fingers of either hand as drum sticks and tapped out the beat. I have no rythym so it would have sounded odd to you but it helped me. There is a form of psychotherapy that my sister is certifed to perform that involves stimulating the patient by playing sounds, tapping shoulders etc in such a way that alternate sides of the body are stimulated. This is said to break up thought patterns. Does it? Who knows but I think it helped because the spirits landed with a whallop.

The normal opening complete, I called the Mercury senior of the earth tablet. He came, loud and grumpy. I banished him immediately because I instantly recognized what was wrong. I had failed to call the King of the tablet first. Always call the king when working with a senior of a tablet. I called Iczhhca, the merciful side of the king. He landed with a kindly thump. Then he kindly gave me permission to call Ahmlicu.

I explained what was needed. First, he needed to determine if the car would be structurally safe after the repairs. If so, the 'people that decide' aka the insurance company need to allow the car to be repaired rather than totalled. He agreed and said it could be done. He then said that the person asking needs to fulfill the reason she gave me for asking this. "She asked for it." This was not negotiable. He didn't say it either way but I knew. I agreed for her.

Nanta once told me all of my magick with the earth tablet will work. We shall see. I will report the results here.

I continued asking for two things for myself. There was no 'price'. However, I was instructed to make a particular symbol of each desire. Neither of which could be identified as even Enochian much less as the spirit in question. Does that count as a pact? Technically, I have no idea. However, it isn't a pact in my mind at all. It is simply a physical form for the magick to adhere to.

He then explained that his job is to foster interchanges and asked me if I understood how that applied to commerce, travel and communication. I certainly did. It is one thing to know these things are linked but it is quite another to feel it as the spirit explains. Have I mentioned that I LOVE ENOCHIAN? It simply kicks ass.

All in all, I am pleased.

Volunteer

The Fresno Pagan Pride Day coordinator has dropped the PPD label as she wants to branch out. I have volunteered to do a Greek reconstructionist ritual. Fortunately, I had just ordered a lot of books on the topic.

Art Work

I have started playing with wood burning. The picture attached is my first try. I didn't draw the figure but I did do the leaves on the staff free hand. I think it is excellent for my first try.

Grandma

Today, my 94 year old grand mother entered the hospital. I will not bore you with medical details. She is unlikely to make it through the night. The upside, is that she is completely unaware of her surroundings. At least, I hope that is the upside.

I do not find it coincidental that I dealt with Raagiol, the severe king of the water tablet, last night and this happens today. This is one of those cases were newbies perceive the temporal proximity of events and link them as cause and effect. This is not only in error but can scare the practitioner into an early retirement. This is a matter of co-occurrence. There is meaning there. There are illustrative points being made. Raagiol did not bump off my grandmother.

Speaking of Raagiol. Before going to bed last night I was called back into my temple space. He asked permission to give me a dream. I gave him that permission. I've heard that before from spirits and I've never recalled the dream given. So, I specified to him that I should remember, that I was not to be frightened and then thanked him profusely for asking first.

Last night, I dreamed a Raagiol dream.

Raagiol - King of the Water Tablet

Tonight, on my own, I called the King of the Water tablet. Raagiol is the severe side of the king.

The table or myself, I am not sure which, seemed to 'shift' from time to time as I chanted. The visual was out of a 70's movie where the director is trying to simulate the effect of drugs on a character from the character's point of view. The temple room superimposed itself upon itself, shifted a bit and repeated the trick.

He talked a bit fast which is a warning sign for me in dealing Enochian. He told me he cared little for scent but did like it when someone made his seal and placed it in a stream. I gave him several options and he picked a place should I care to make such an offering. He then gave me his seal. It looked very much like the seal above one of the tablets but not, to my mind, of the water tablet. Upon checking, I was wrong. It is very reminiscent of that seal.

He told me that he spoke to me because of Hcoma but then said he'd have spoken to me anyway. He told me that he is my deepest fears and wants. That he keeps away all things that interfere with Unity but the fears I have interfere with that. I see the contradiction there as I type but it made sense when he said it. He said my fear was one of low self worth that settled in me because of how I was treated by my peers at a young age. That, he said, will color this lifetime. However, I have purged much of that myself. My fears diminishing, I have made more people laugh and smile of late. This much is true. He said, that 'our' work with the water tablet will eliminate those fears.

This work was much more personal than other workings and I am not sharing all and I will not, not even with My Gal. However, I have a feeling the work with the water tablet will result in many posts that will be quite personal. Someone once said, reading my blog felt voyeuristic. If she still feels that way, it is about to get worse.

More Tarot

Tonight a force descended or perhaps more accurately, exploded from the earth after I sent lightening into its core. My guess is this was Xcai and not Exarp given the work I've been doing. The energy that I moved through me today was rough and vertical and more likely to be in line with Xcai. I didn't ask who it was...instead, I received.

I received more explanations of the tarot. Ace, Knight (King), Queen, Prince, Princess, two, three, etc. Tonight, it was swords. Miserable suit that. To see those explanations and so much of myself. Yuck! To know that all of us face these cards in our lives -- we all go through the same processes is heart breaking. I feel sorry for my deepest enemies. Heck, I'd feel sorry for THE ENEMY where I a Christian, if he had to go through swords.

The upside is I know where I am and where I have been with that suit. I am not in a bad place. Humbling yes but bad no. Bad was before. Where so many people are and have been but so few escape. Sad sad humanity. Sad sad because our sadness is not caused by our emotions but by logic. The logic that makes us and them. The logic of individualization. PAIN! What fools we are. Fools. In these cards are the ability to utterly destroy another or be utterly destroyed. No unity is possible when we live within these sharp edges. There is nothing but bloody ideas resulting from dull and misused blades.

So far the Enochians have 'downloaded' Cups, Wands and Swords. Earth should be next. Earth. After that, I would assume the major arcana will come slower. Maybe not. Maybe not. The truth. Unity. Life. These are not found in swords. True death comes from that which dissects, separates. Oh, how humanity suffers upon weapons of their own creation. Fools. So many fools.

LBRP

Today I did the LBRP in the temple with the Enochian equipment set up. With the drawing of each pentagram, I vibrated the three fold name of god from the tablet relating to the quarter. For those of you that know the three-fold names of god, what I mean to say is that I used Emor Dial Hectaga from the Earth Tablet while drawing the pent in the north. Then I vibrated EHNB the 'spirit' of the Tablet of Union while drawing a spirit wheel in the center.

When I did air, I didn't 'look'. I didn't look while doing the pent in the south (fire) but I did look at the spirit wheel. It turned into a silver-white ball that 'glinted' as if reflecting sunlight. In the west, I saw the waves crashing on the beach and the same silver-white ball. To the north, I saw the earth being created as if it was being drawn by computer and the same ball.

For the archangels, I vibrated the names from the Tablet of Union Exarp, Bitom, Hcoma and Nanta. As I did, I was greeted with their scent as they shared with me when I first worked with them. They didn't look like angels standing in the quarters. They looked like the elements spread far and wide.

The q-cross didn't seem to fit. I did it anyway.

I then did some other things as far as energy raising goes. I am not going to reveal those just yet.

Fire Download

Just as with the cups, Paam explained the tarot wands to me tonight.

I understand now, more than I ever have. I understand the poor bastards born as the 5 of wands, like myself. I understand now, how to correct the situation. I understand now what My Gal means when she says she is water for I am fire. I understand my nature so much better.

A spell is in the making for me by me. Fascinating. The five of wands, will be no more.

Enochian Conclusions

A few days ago I reported that we had contacted all the vertical and horizontal angels on the Tablet of Union. So far, in no particular order, my conclusions are these:

• The system as Lon teaches it works for me. I do achieve an altered state of awareness.
  
• I have seen no evidence that the spirits I am contacting are external in nature. I could easily see them as psychological constructs. I do know there are spirits in general that exist independently from myself. I simply have not experienced these in a manner where I would definitely say they are external.
• Xcai was the only entity that really bothered me. I wonder if that means he is problematic or I have an air problem. I am convinced of the former but have not reached a conclusion into the latter.
  
• The spells I do with Enochian will remain private for now.
• Hcoma seemed to have the greatest effect upon me.
• The fire pair (Bitom and Paam) seem to be in natural conflict. This ties in with the severe and merciful King of the fire tablet having the same name, when all the others have two names. I was also oddly at peace the day or two after discovering that. I will have to explore those two a bit more.
• I want to put Enochian away for a short while and work on some of my other skrying to keep a balance. However, I'd like to do the King of the Water tablet solo before that happens.
• I am wondering if odd things happen when one keeps the temple set up in place for so long. No, I am not going to elaborate on that for now. I want to wait and see. Then I will give a full report.
  

PAAM and Bitom

PAAM is the vertical name at the far right side of the Tablet of Union. Bitom is the name on the bottom horizontal row. Both are fire.

The contact was easy. PAAM dominated the conversation and said this is how it would be if I called them both. I asked him if he knew me. He said yes. He then, in so few words, said to heed Jason's post, which I had read just before entering temple. Jason's post basically said, do magick to change the world. I am not as opposed to that as I once was. In general, I feel, that the average magick user has so ignored his or her deeper self that they practice magick on a whim. That is akin to painting with a blindfold on...in someone else's living room! However, being more balanced now then I was when I so violently defended the side of theurgic magick alone, I am more pliable.

My response was, "I am no adept." PAAM said, "If you wait until you become an expert, you will not become an expert." Um...yeah. There is a certain logic there. He then went on to explain that he is that which allows the fuel to release parts of itself so a flame can be created. Bitom seemed to interject the thought that there are different forms of fire. PAAM agreed and specifically mentioned cold fire. Cold fire is in dead things. It is that which allows the body to be broken down. I asked him how I see him in my life and he said, "I am in everything that moves and everything that bears a force." The first part was easy to see. To the second, I asked, "Are you gravity." He replied, "Gravity is fire of earth." I took that to mean, yes. He also showed me a planet spinning and then in an artistic fashion showed me how he is the force that keeps the planet rotating.

I asked him how he could help me make spells. He said to call each element on the tablet and explain what I needed to do and that a spell would form. There was a specific order that I will not reveal. Trust me, the concept and images were cool!

He told me that I must work the water tablet. When I work the water tablet my spell work and magick will improve greatly. This is interesting because My Gal was told to work the fire tablet.

There seemed to be some conflicted communications between Bitom and PAAM. It was as if they had fallen into routine communication that bordered on quarreling.

I asked him about achieving balance as I am so fiery. He said to keep working with the deities I already have. I am not to expect them to work to their full extent instantly. These things take time. As much as XCAI concerned me with his ego inflating comments, PAAM comforted me with that. He did not direct me to do something with him. He referred me to other spirits outside of his system.

Apologies if this is choppy. I am not in much of a writing mood tonight.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

The Saturday before Christmas, I cut my hair. I hadn't cut it in five years. It had been bothering me of late. It became 'not me'. I accidentally ate too much of it. It was a pain in the ass to comb out in the morning.

I think it wasn't a coincidence that we worked Nanta just before I did it. Nanta is a transformative angel. I am thinking that if there were any other habits or things I wanted to change in my live, Nanta just may be the one to help.

Enochian Theurgy -- Ace of Cups

A few days ago, I posted that Hcoma gave me a run down on the tarot suit of cups. She started with the Ace, moved through the court cards and provided insight into each pip, one by one. It was good stuff. Those words will be studied them for some time.

As most of you know, everything starts with the aces. Some qabalists even place the four aces in Keter on the Tree of Life. She told me the ace was the primary emotional impulse. Then she revealed how that emotion manifested through the court cards and which one 'lost' understanding. Fascinating. Maybe, I will post more on that someday.

I am fascinated by the primal emotion. The first emotional impulse. She told me that impulse is the need for unity. I thought that she was talking to just me. Surely there must be other primary impulses for other people. Then as I looked to the cards that represent the decay of that impulse or its state of corruption, I began to see things in a new light.

I stopped to consider the missteps of those I've seen around me as well as my own. Memories of the emotionally painful things that happened in my life and those I've witnessed, center on reactions to the emotional need for unity.

Do you remember high school cliques? At a time when we are becoming actualized individuals away from 24/7 supervision from our parents, we get mean. The loss of 'unity' with our parents causes us to create a false unity with our friends, who are all desperately trying to be unique by dressing the same way. Those that are different are ridiculed, marginalized and minimized.

The reject that dyes her hair fourteen different colors at puts rings through her nose is trying to embrace that she is different. Yet all she is doing is putting up a large red lettered sign saying, "I am separate and I hurt."

Think of the spouse that is cheated upon. The pain doesn't come from fifteen minutes of someone else's pleasure. It comes from an emotional loss of unity with their loved one.

Think of religions that degrade other religions. I've always been amused that most of the time these attacks target the people most like them. One look at all the Christian sects proves the point. They are saying we are in unity with "God". They are different and therefore represent disunity. Yet, the fail to see it is their rejection of others causes the own fear.

People lie at work so they stay unified to their bosses. They don't want to face the fact that they are the only one in the meeting to have made a mistake. That would make the separate from the whole.

The examples go on and on.

I've always thought I was out of touch with my emotional life. Yet, I've always craved spiritual unity. I live in a conscious quest for that unity. Perhaps, I've been embracing the one emotion that lay at the core of all the others.

Nanta and RMTO

Tonight we called these two as a pair.

I am not going to say much about tonight. It would appear that My Gal and I got much the opposite ends of the same being with RMTO. There was a thread that tied the experiences but the personality of the angel was very different. She got A and I got the B of the same creature...I think. Maybe.

Hubbub

Now that the Enochain hubbub is over, a few words.

First, one of the reasons I started this blog is for feedback. That feedback does not have to be intentional. Jason posted about problematic Enochian issues and Frater RO did the same, only more directly. As someone that has been trained to watch for external reflections of my own work, it made me ponder. The kicker was an unsolicited email from my mentor on a topic that I had not posted about regarding a message that I had not shared with him. That tied in quite nicely with everything else. So to those that issued warnings, intentional or not, they were appreciated.

Secondly, um....I will have to not type that part until I find out if it is the Enochians that don't want me to or my HGA or both and weather I should listen to their discouragement from posting. Yes yes, I know there are certain folks that hate it when I do that...

Have fun everyone.

A Response to Others

There appears to be some discussion about Enochian Magick on a few blogs this weekend. Of the one's I follow. Jason, Fr. RO, and My Gal have all commented. Having just looked Jason commented twice. I haven't read the second one yet.

Jason is concerned that Enochains are sub-lunar (i.e. demonic-like) because he got apocalyptic visions and was told to clean things around his house too. The former, would make me suspicious. However, his work was early in his career. I would bet, if viewed from a particular perspective, apocalyptic things did happen to him or were about to occur in his life. I would also bet that he receives much less of that sort of thing now. He has a richer spiritual vocabulary to draw from. It doesn't matter if that vocabulary is in words, pictures or abstract ideas. The spirits can only work through the imagery you have.

When I started, I was a literalist. I believed the concrete meaning of the words I heard. Well, not all of them. I had doubts. However, I was told that if I joined a coven, I'd get 'beaten up'. I took that to mean physically. In actuality, the beating was emotional. Apocalyptic images may only mean, "Damn, this is going to hurt, A LOT." Getting locked into one interpretation of the words received from spirit communication is a common beginner's failing.

Being concerned that house cleaning is a sign of a 'demon-like' presence, is baffling to me. I've had the same sort of thing happen when invoking Isis and Ma'at. Some forms of spirits like things less cluttered. In Book 4, Crowley points out the commonality of many practices boils down to ridding oneself of things that are not conducive to meditation. If the general disorganization of the household causes a disorganization of my mind, it is fully conducive to the Work to have a spirit encourage cleaning things up. Besides, if everything is connected, the state of my house reflects my state. Therefore, by changing one, I can change the other. Is there a better definition of magick?

RO is concerned about being used by spirits. BAH. We are all used by spirits called other humans. Had the spirit said, "You are great and I have a mission for you." I'd be highly suspicious. That is a direct appeal to the ego. Either the spirit is a bit dangerous or my ego is flaring or my tired etheric body is interfering with communications. The best approach is to wait until the long term pattern is revealed.

Being told you have a mission to do 'from god' can mean anything. It can mean that your mission is contact with your HGA, cleaning your bathroom, helping a little old lady cross the street or preparing yourself as a light snack for the demonic hordes of the netherworld. RO has no problem with pacts, yet seems to not understand the PACT known as greater service to humankind or even an act of service to a spirit. This is why I posted about being very careful before jumping at whatever the 'mission' came to be.

Speaking of which, now is the time to post new information on that.

I had an idea of what the mission was. I described this to Hcoma as "I heard". You may recall that Hcoma is not the spirit that told me of the mission. She said, "You must be more clear with yourself. Did you hear it or think it?" I said I thought it and asked if it was the mission and/or if it was a good idea. She refused to answer in much the way my mentor does. In short, she is making me think. At the moment, I don't feel used.

Apparently, that passed a test. Last night, she downloaded an interpretation of each of the water cards of the tarot, from Ace, through the court cards, to the pips. She did so in response to a particular thought about gaining an Enochian interpretation of the cards that I could use to help others. Frankly, the list was not all that different than other lists I have seen. The base concept though, was.

AONT and Hcoma

We did both of these together tonight because My Gal wanted to.

AONT is more aggressive when they are together. She has to be because she prepares the way. AONT said that it is permissible and practical to use the method of Enochian prayer I've developed to pray for more than one thing at a time. This contradicts the energy model and supports the spirit model of viewing the universe.

The rest, is private. I am feeling a bit like I'd like to be alone tonight.