Follow-up LBRP, Reclaiming and Pan

LBRP

Naufragiobell's response to my answer was wonderful. Using art work as a context for learning ritual and magickal correspondences is a proven tool that I should have included in my list. Even those without great artistic skills can benefit from such exercises. 

Regarding the art work influencing how Nauf perceives the angels, I wouldn't worry about it for a couple of reasons. First, the perception of the angels is unique to the practitioner. Purists will argue that as distinct beings they have a reality beyond our perception. True. However, our perception is mutable depending upon our stage in development and they are capable of displaying themselves to us in a wide variety of manners. If you do the LBRP for years and your perceptions never change, I'd wonder about your ability to grow as a magician.

Reclaiming

Lavannah wondered why Reclaiming has so much ire pointed in their direction.  While my last post designated my current perspective, many of the individuals in Reclaiming will continue to challenge my ability to be accepting. There is a huge difference between being pro-female and anti-male.  I have gone to Reclaiming rites and been glared at and once outright confronted strictly because I was male. I am all for them being pro-female. I am I a baffled by anyone with an anti-male stance.

My Gal will say I'm the most feminist man she knows because I demand equal rights AND equal responsibility. I am 100% in favor of woman having the exact same rights as responsibilities as men. Therefore, I believe women should have to sign-up for Selected Service and risk the draft just like men. Say that to most feminists and they will weasel out and so no one should be drafted. This is possibly true. However, as long as men are, woman should be. Equal rights, means equal responsibility. Period.

As far as Gordon's stance, I understand it, as it used to be my own. The Universe has a funny way of reflecting of your old self once you have a new self. Claiming another's perspective on spirituality is 'stupid' is merely a reflection of one's need of self-differentiation. Such a need reveals the true meaning behind the phrase so many occultists use but do not understand, "killing the ego."

Killing the ego does not mean destroying one's personality, how could it? No matter how enlightened one is, the inner self manifests outwardly in a manner we call a personality. Destroying one's ego is removing the illusion that we are separate from the rest of humanity. The need to separate is expressed in viewing other people as 'less than', even when you sincerely feel you are not 'more than'. 

Those that know the tarot know the swords are expressions of great pain. Why? Everything in the tarot can be explained through the aces. Each ace contains one concept and only one concept. To steal and morph Lon Milo DuQuette's fun line, the illusion is that we have no idea how big one is. In the case of the Ace of Swords, the idea is self-differentiation. The human ego must separate itself to understand itself as an individual. Kabbalists out there will recognize the reflection of the Keter/Chokmah link. While apparently necessary, this individualization causes pain. Separation inherently causes pain, every time, all the time. 

Sometimes separation in necessary. For instance, an abusive spouse must be discarded. However, even those that have done so and are glad to be rid of the other, know the pain of marriage and divorce. Killing the ego is recognizing the policeman that gave you that ticket is you. He is enforcing the part of you that needs an ordered society. The cranky customer service representative is you, having a hard day too. The person seeking divinity in a manner that you regard as stupid, is you too. For surely, she is just as mystified at your efforts. 

Those are easy examples. There are more difficult scenarios. Can we see ourselves when someone makes a pass at our spouse? Can we see ourselves when someone tries to steal the shirt off our back? Can we see ourselves when emotional or physical violence is done upon us? 

Swords are painful. Differentiation is painful. Killing the ego is not about self-hatred but expansion into Unity. 

Pan

I thought I'd post just a little more on the Pan consecration. As readers of this blog know, I've been fighting Pan off or trying to come to some sort of truce. I realized it has only been two and a half months since he's been actively around me but if feels like much longer.

Friday night, I was sitting in a jacuzzi and contemplating the fact that water is an etheric cleanser. Suddenly, I felt him there. He asked it if was time. I said yes. He pointed out it was twilight. I departed the Jacuzzi and dedicated the necklace to him. I did not dedicate myself to him. Instead, I have become willing to explore a relationship with the god. I believe I will get there fully as Pan is a manifestation of the spirit point of the pentagram. However, there are some personality issues to work out. Spirit manifest in many forms after all. I have learned not to jump into magickal agreements quickly.

Last night, I asked Pan to channel the energy of my Wiccan initiation someplace into my life but not back to that tradition. Yes, that is weaselly (especially given the above) but I am only human. The first step is seeing the path. Walking along it takes time. I have also been asking a certain GD angel to help with astral projection.

I dreamed of being in some sort of facility or home for the mentally anguished. Some one from my group whose name begins with a D was there. He was very happy to have made a break through with one of the young men. I congratulated him. At some point, I was called upon to do something magickal. Mostly, it was a display of intuition for many people that were sitting around. 

When I was finished, someone said something like, "Hey, you missed me." I turned to see a male figure sitting cross-legged on the floor. He was in a simple white gown and his hair was patchy or cut into some odd design that showed a lot of bald areas. I looked at him with astral eyes and he began to glow. First white and then yellow. I let out some sort of exclamation. His aura had various shapes moving through the white and yellow light but I could not fully distinguish them.

Suddenly, I felt a power. There is a peculiar sensation to astral projection where it feels like every part of you is vibrating. My perineum felt like that. I began to float about the room. The sensation was that I was floating on a hyperactive chakra. I moved about the room and came to a wall. I said, "I am going to float through the wall." I reached out my hand to watch it pass through but the wall turned out to be solid. Only then did I realize that I was alone in a white, perfectly cube-shaped room with this being. 

When I landed, "I said, "I can do that to myself, I just can't make myself move." He responded by saying something like "interesting." 

This is a pretty clear astral stimulation of my root chakras. Is this a response from Pan or the GD angel? The man did not look like any form of Pan I've seen. Could it have been both?

The LBRP and Training

Tryphon asked via email if I had any tips on the LBRP as there seems to be some trouble memorizing and confusing the names mid-ritual. I apologize as I am not familiar with Greek names but I am going to assume, Tryphon, that you are male.

Some would tell you to force it through brute memorization. That would work but what do you really learn from that? The goal is to reach a point from which you can do an LBRP instantly. Brute memorization doesn't help much there.

Many magicians have been known to write the divine names on small cards and taping them to the walls. There is nothing wrong with learning the ritual like that. Not only do you have a reminder of the name but it is anchored to a physical place in your memory. However, to make this work, you have to do the LBRP a lot. Which is what I recommend anyway. Do the ritual often. This is not a practice ritual.  This is foundational. 

Oddly, I went through the same phase you are going through. In my case, I would call Eheieh in the south, move to the west realize what I had done and started over. I did that off and on for months. It may help you to look up the meaning of the names, if you have not already.

YHVH is a formula of creation, relating to the four elements Fire, Water, Air and Earth and in that order. Adonai means Lord. Eheieh means "I am that which I am." It is more commonly translated as "I am". AGLA means "Thou Art Great Forever Oh Lord" 

By moving "I am" to the fire quadrant, I was identifying the fire qualities of the microcosm as myself. I tend to covet my fiery side even as I seek to calm it. I denied my emotions (water) as being a part of me. It is easy to see how moving Eheieh to the south was a reflection of that. Perhaps, your issues with the LBRP have some meaning you can ferret out as well. Even, if you can't find that meaning, try taping the note cards on the wall anyway. It has worked for a lot of folks.

I hope this helps.

Tryphon's second question centered on my claim to be a trained ceremonial magician. He asked where I received training and if there is someplace he could could go to recieve the same. 

I was and am being trained by a Golden Dawn Style lodge in Fresno, California, USA. For the vast majority of readers, this is meaningless as few have both the means and desire to travel for such training. Secondly, for me to claim GD Style training is a bit of a misdirection. It is true enough that any egregore guides its members and thus trains them to a certain extent. However, the real training comes from one's mentor, should one one be as fortunate as I. Secondarily, it comes from other adepts and priests/priestesses along the way. Thirdly, it comes from the people you work with or near. 

The item missing from that list is the training that results from your own work.  That can fall pretty flat on someone new. How can my work have a result if I need training to learn how to do the work? The answer may be a rite of obligation.  Twenty some years ago, I performed a rite of obligation from Donald Michael Kraig's book, Modern Magick. This rite is based on the Golden Dawn's, Adeptus Minor ritual. I firmly believe that I found Golden Dawn teachings because I took this oath and did my best (albeit poorly) to live up to that oath, even when it was a long forgotten memory. Having just reread it, it explains a lot about my attitude on proper conduct within a magickal group but that is another story.

What matters here, is that you are swearing to live a certain way, perform certain tasks, and reach for certain ideals that are consistent with your magickal/spiritual values. You are promising the Universe and your Holy Guardian Angel that you will perform or else! That is a huge 'or else' that will not be enforced by any government or group. It will be enforced by your very soul. There is no greater task master.  Take such an oath in the presence of what you find to be holy and then work to live up to it. It took many years for my teacher to appear but appear he did. He arrived when I was ready and not a moment before. 

A word of caution: Taking such an oath for a specific reason (ie finding a teacher) can backfire. Taking such an oath because you feel a calling to be a mage, Bodhisattva, or simply to the divine is more effective. Let the gods send what you need rather than demanding what you think you need. There is a huge difference. 

That last paragraph, will likely get some comments from folks strongly disagreeing with me. Consider those comments. A mage has a mind of his own and blindly follows no one.

Personal Work

Last night, I consecrated a necklace I wear to Pan.

Out of Balance

Jason, My Gal and Gordon all gave great advice regarding my feeling out of balance. Yes, do  your LBRPs and MPs. I will say I disagree with Gordon about 200% of the time. However, he hit this one right on the head. "Frater Bonehead, ask your HGA!" So, I did.

He told me I've been eating crap again. I've been going off to the roach coach at work and eating those small donut shaped things covered in some chocolate-like substance. He told me to go back on my diet and exercise routine. 

Today, I did an unusual LBRP and MP. Instead of doing it the 'normal' way. I used each element's banishing pentagram, made that internal and projected it out as it drew all of that element out of me. I'd not recommend this for beginners. Then, I drew the active and passive pentagrams of spirit over the altar, vibrating Eheieh and opening the veil with each. 

When I did the middle pillar. I declared that I'd manifest spirit in a beneficial way today. The first sephira was done normally. Daath was a 'void' for the first two vibrations and then came to life on the third as I pushed the energy of Keter into Daath. Upon doing so, I saw a spirit wheel in Daath. I repeated this process down to Malkuth which turned into the peculiar color scheme I use for manifested spirit. I went back up, using the shape of the aforementioned Malkuth and watched it morph in each sephira. The images I saw told me I was successful with the magick. However, manifesting spirit can be a wild ride (ie Pan). We'll see what happens throughout the day.

More Basics

Once again, I did an LBRP, BRH and MP. When I reached Malkuth the spirit appeared again. There was no earth shaking power. He said, "The Wiccans are right. I am not of them.  You are not delusional. You are right as to what I am." On the next vibrations, the earth shook. It was explained that was my power, not his. Whatever. 

When I finished the MP, I began again at my feet and just did one vibration up. I then started at my feet again and pulled the energy up as I went. Going back up has a different feel to it. I like it.

I think I am working to rebalance myself with these exercises. The Stavish purification meditations throw me for a loop and I am just now willing to do them daily. When I did the first MP cycle from the top down. Keter kept moving. The sphere didn't move far but it did slide back and forth softly. Again, moving spheres is very new to me. I've never experienced this before.

Jason Miller is due in town in an hour. I look forward to meeting him. 

Cherry Hill Begins

Wednesday, I signed up for two classes at Cherry Hill Seminary. The first is a Pagan Research and Writing Class. Hopefully, this will make Jason's editing of some of my preliminary articles at bit easier. The second class is on how to attend classes using their on-line course format. That is seventy-five bucks I don't think I need to spend but will anyway.  I don't want to be the guy disrupting class because I can't make something work. Besides, it is always good to familiarize yourself with a culture before you learn that you're supposed to belch at the table.

I don't know if I'm excited about the commitment I am making. However, I am excited about the education. I hope it is what I hope it is.

LBRP, MP Tonight

I normally don't post every LBRP, BRH and MP that I do. There isn't much of a point. However, tonight's exercise was different. First of all, it had been the first time I'd been back in my temple since my latest bout with back issues began. That length of time is unprecedented for me. It was very nice being in my space again. I am so grateful that I've been given the opportunity to create such a place. I know the world should be sacred in every way but that place is to me more sacred than most. 

Two interesting things occurred. The first was the middle pillar was odd. Keter formulated a tad to the right. The sphere centered only in response to my will. Daath formulated slightly to the left and centered only in response to my will. The other three sephira manifested as normal, save what I shall report in the next paragraph. I know I've been out of balance of late but I've never had sephira form out of alignment like that. In the distant past, I was well out of alignment. Perhaps then I was not able to sense the spheres as well. There is no way for me to say at this point. I am not bothered by the spheres appearing that way, only puzzled.

The second interesting thing occurred as I vibrated the god name for Malkuth. The earth shook. The power was an announcement of presence. Mine as a magician or the power of a spirit? The spirit in question first appeared to me long ago reappeared. I viewed this as the god of Wicca for quite some time. Yet, initiates in that tradition continually told me such was not the case, I was not speaking to their god and that my perceptions were 'delusional'. Regardless, when this being shows up, Wiccan's of a particular tradition follow. When I met this being the first time, I met my former group shortly thereafter. When he reappeared long after I left, two members of that tradition appeared and said they saw me as 'family' (there term for one of them) and that I should drop by. Interestingly enough, one of them had viewed me as delusional for seeing this spirit. Now, he has appeared again. What will it bring this time? 

(Monarch of the Glen, 1851, by Edwin Henry Landseer image from: http://www.wilsonsalmanac.com/horned_god.html)

LBRP

Today I did the LBRP in the temple with the Enochian equipment set up. With the drawing of each pentagram, I vibrated the three fold name of god from the tablet relating to the quarter. For those of you that know the three-fold names of god, what I mean to say is that I used Emor Dial Hectaga from the Earth Tablet while drawing the pent in the north. Then I vibrated EHNB the 'spirit' of the Tablet of Union while drawing a spirit wheel in the center.

When I did air, I didn't 'look'. I didn't look while doing the pent in the south (fire) but I did look at the spirit wheel. It turned into a silver-white ball that 'glinted' as if reflecting sunlight. In the west, I saw the waves crashing on the beach and the same silver-white ball. To the north, I saw the earth being created as if it was being drawn by computer and the same ball.

For the archangels, I vibrated the names from the Tablet of Union Exarp, Bitom, Hcoma and Nanta. As I did, I was greeted with their scent as they shared with me when I first worked with them. They didn't look like angels standing in the quarters. They looked like the elements spread far and wide.

The q-cross didn't seem to fit. I did it anyway.

I then did some other things as far as energy raising goes. I am not going to reveal those just yet.