No one embarks upon a journey such as my own, striving hard for the light, without knowing there are flaws to overcome, impurities needing purifying, and tests needing to be passed.
For me, the most obvious was that I was angry. There were many things to be angry with in those early years. From one point of view, I was angry at myself. From a distance, one could say I was angry at society. From yet another, it could be argued that I was angry at the actions of other people. At any one time, I could see all of these and thought, in least in seeing those variations, I had something right. If that was the case, it was a small something indeed.
While all those things were true, everybody involved with me at the time, at least that I am aware of, mislabeled the real problem. I will spare you that debate and just lay it out there. The real and only problem was too much fire.
So, in my ignorance, what did I do? I aspired to the fires of heaven! I did endless LBRPs and middle pillars ever grasping to feel the energy of G-d. All this did was stoke the inferno.
Of course, I learned all this in retrospect and quite recently.
Two weekends ago, I participated in a Mystic Faire during which I performed soul and tarot readings. I remained in a state of mystic reception for over five hours and more likely closer to six and a half. This was too much for me and I burned out.
Two days later, I was getting more and more angry. This energy had a peculiar feel to it. Coming from outside of me, it ran along the cracked edges of old fault lines. From my perspective, this fiery power existed outside of me. It was not the normal anger like one would feel getting cut off in traffic or even of betrayal. It was the fires of creation trying to get in.
I am a mage of some experience and I am well aware of what is too much for me to handle. I am not capable of internally processing the fires that were falling upon me. I dropped my spirit into the earth. I called upon earthy spirits. I focused on the feelings of air brushing past me, cool grass under my feet and cleansing waters.
The anger stopped immediately. The recovery process continued for ten days but during that time, that level of angry energy did not reappear.
That was when it dawned on me that all those years ago someone should have stopped me and had me invoking earth. They should have pointed me the divine earth or Divine Cthonic and told me to find a connection there. It is every bit as holy as that which is ‘above’. Doing this would have calmed those flames of old much faster and would have felt much more pleasant than the ten year inferno that was my life.
So, if you are angry Leo starting out or one that hasn’t learned to calm those fires, invoke the earth, earth spirits and elemental forces that are not fiery. Here I think lay the answer. I urge you to give it a shot. Living in an inferno for ten years is every bit as hellish as it sounds. You do not want to live like that.