Saturday, February 28, 2009

Examing the Obvious

The subtitle to this post could be: Pissing Everyone Off

Given that I've made two posts about confirming your magick and lost four subscribers, three immediately after the first one and one after the second, I figure this one will cost me five or six. Who cares? Being a magician is partially about thinking things through critically and not hanging on to our preconceived notions with a zealot's grip.

In the speech I made at Pantheacon this year, I made a point about the blinds we all face in every day life, much less when pursuing our HGA. The portion of the work being described fits the psychological model which does apply to certain aspects of the Great Work. The blinds mentioned are beliefs we have that we hold near and dear to our hearts and true and obvious only later to discover these things are lies told to ourselves to root us in place. The example I used was that of a man who finds excuses to hate his family because deep inside he knows he put himself in a bad place by ignoring their advice.

I also examined, very briefly, the blind, "Bloods and Crypts are bad because they are violent." I stated that as obvious as this is to everyone in the room, it still needed to be examined because that fellow that hated his family felt his reasons were just as self-evident.

That preamble leads from thoughts converging from two sources. Von Faustus' post in which he says teacher demanding 'undo sex or money' must be more than suspect and my research into the Ancient Greeks. So tonight, I am asking, what's so bad about sex and the occult or even pagan worship for that matter?

I will leave aside that asking for sex in certain types of groups is well outside the egregore. A teacher demanding sex in the Golden Dawn orders should, in my opinion, be shot. A teacher having sex with his 'students' should be suspect but not immediately discounted, adults are adults. Though, in general, that would lead to more trouble than the orgasm is really worth. I assume the same would hold true for the OTO and other such bodies.

However, is it outside of acceptable standards all the time?

From what I've been reading in "Greek Folk Religion" by Martin Nilsson, orgiastic cults were not uncommon in ancient Greece at all. Dionysus, Persephone, Demeter, Pan, Bacchus, Sabastios all had sexual cults and I haven't read sixty pages yet! This was how some of the gods were worshipped. Even Artemis, whom I remember as quite chaste, had sexual cults. As classical Greek culture developed these groups were either suppressed or very much looked down upon. Though, they were kept alive through story telling. Were the ancients preserving some secret or were the stories repeated for titillation alone?

So, would someone recruiting folks to worship in the old ways, be suspect? If I formed Frater BH's Orgy to Bacchus and Bowling Group that met every other Friday for bowling and sex (dedicated to the god of course) would I immediately be someone to be avoided? It depends. If the leader of this supposed group billed the rites as strictly platonic, only later to reveal the sexual nature after he had some method of coercing people to continue, yes, he is more than suspect. What if such things were revealed in the beginning and this person actually had managed to tap into the mysteries of these gods? In short, s/he was a priest of the old ways.

Would it be bad because our 20th Century sensibilities have been so overwhelmed by our long ago puritan founders that we can not conceive of such a thing being holy? Must all religion be performed from a stoic sexual distance? Can not wine and merry making and hanky panky be making a 'joyful noise until the Lord' albeit a different one than most refer to by that phrase?

With so many pagans espousing a belief in some fertility religion or another, is it horrible to conceive of some actual fertility? Or must all be symbolic?

Frankly, a lot of damage can be done through sex. Shocking someone in a sexual situation can result in psychological devastation. Even those people that believe themselves to be sexually free may feel very traumatized after willfully visiting a swingers club much less some recreation of an ancient worship service. Anyone starting such a group that isn't aware of that would be irresponsible and playing with interpersonal dynamite.

Does that mean a responsible, well-trained, fully initiated priest of the mysteries of any of the above mentioned ancient gods can not conduct such rites without being declared persona non grata? My guess is that any such a person making him or herself known in the pagan community would be ostracized in a heartbeat. They'd be ejected by the very same people that rejected Christianity for its puritan ways and its divorce from the natural functions of the universe.

I think forming such a cult/group would be a slippery slope at best. It may even be unwise. However, I think for the pagan culture to reject such a group out of hand reveals our own puritan ways and how deeply those ways have been instilled within us. As magicians, we should stop and think. Should we challenge these ideals within ourselves? Should we challenge them when encountering such a sexual group and simply let it be? Or should we maintain the status quo and remove these fictional people under the guise of protecting our community or whatever the chant of the day may be?

Von Faustus also mentioned accepting money for occult instruction was bad, except for supplies or keeping a suitable space for working in operation. Why? Those that think they are related to the Rosicrucian way who follow the injunction, Promise nothing except to heal and that gratis, would be remiss to take money for teaching. I'd bet those that practice Hoodoo can not fathom why money would not be acceptable. We'd compensate any other learned person for his or her time would we not? We pay to go to college to learn mundane things. Is paying to learn spiritual things so out of line? Yes, there is another slippery slope there but must all paths be shunned for the potential of a fall?

I am going to pay someone to teach me tantra. Should I be suspect of her? I think not.

Study Study Study

I've been pouring over books about the ancient Greeks of late. I had actually read about fifty-five pages before I realized I stopped taking notes on page 32. Tonight, I turned back to that page, pen in hand and note book at the ready. I will not only read but I will learn. That Enochian spell has really changed my behavior.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Pimping A Friend

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I thought I'd put out a plug for my friend Lew. Lew runs and owns the Pagan Radio Network. I've known Lew for more years than I care to remember. His sister is an ex-girlfriend and he is an ex-roommate. He is a good guy with a young son that he takes care of. He lives about an hour south of me.

If you're pagan and you like music, check out his internet radio station. Click on the link above to take a listen.
I like the picture below. So, I thought I'd add it in.


Over the last week, I've been in a lot of pain. This problem had really improved over the last six months. This week has been horrible.

The doctor asked me if there were any emotional triggers. I said no. It is my automated response. "Are you okay?" "Yup, just fine." Meanwhile, someone is applying a tourniquet. Double that for emotional questions? Yes, I'm fine. No problem. If it wasn't for this back of mine...

So, let's see what happened before it went south.

  • We didn't bury my grandmother. She had donated her body to science and they frown of having to dig them back up. We held a wake of sorts. There were lots of old pictures which were really cool.
  • I went to Pantheacon, got my ass kicked by Pan, in a good way (I think).
  • I went through that tantra class, which was certainly an emotional change.
  • I confronted some shadow imagery.

As a result, I have a freer spirit. Though, the rest of my is still trying to go back into old restraining habits. Enter my back pain. This may simply the result of my conscious self being so willing and adaptable to change and the rest of me continuing to be a rigid jack ass.

Solution: Find a moon goddess. Ask her to help me accept change. Invoke often.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Successful Bit of Magick

I mentioned in this post, that I did for some things for myself. One of them, was to improve my ability to study and retain information regarding spiritual things. I read but rarely study what I read. When I do, it is forced. I simply do not like doing it. However, I want the knowledge.

The spirit gave me a sign to make and I did, though I don't like it much. I will make a better one.

Today, a book called "Greek Folk Religion" arrived in the mail. I very enthusiastically opened it, read it and have studied the pages. I have taken notes. I have saved them in a binder. I am in great physical pain. I am on pain medication is large doses and still I am studying.

I've posted recently about confirmations. This is one. This is a radical change in emotional state and behavior. Some would say it worked because I wanted it to. I could have done this without magick. Of course I wanted it to, or I would not have done it. However, without the magick, I wasn't doing this at all, I merely wanted to. This magick worked. The only question is, for how long?

Only the Shadow Knows

Frater RO posted what he thought were my thoughts on the shadow. I have started speeches and, indeed, restate in the bio of this blog that I am not a scholar. I have no idea what the psychological definition of the shadow is, Von Faustus would.

I was speaking of the version of the shadow I encountered at Pantheacon. In that case, what I said and Fr. RO quoted is accurate. The shadow I encountered is "everything we reject that maybe we shouldn't"

Pardon me while I get personal. I like sex. I think sex is healthy. I think sex is good. I don't think you need to married. I don't think you need to be monogamous. Personally, I have no issue were you to go with your instinct and do it in a shopping mall in front of the gods and passersby.* In fact, I have a good friend that did over 300 men in about a year and half. She has now settled down and is monogamous. My level of respect for her didn't change in either phase. Though, I think she is happier now. If you want to get laid wearing a Richard Nixon mask with a pink feather sticking out of your butt, more power to you. You just go with that.
I, on the other hand, have been taught sex is bad, dirty, etc. I've suffered a few trauma's in that area and I have issues. Those issues are completely ridiculous! If I was half the magician I think I am, they'd be in the waste bucket of history long ago. Unfortunately, they are not. Those issues, the reasons for them, the insecurities are all suppressed. I pretend they don’t exist. They became part of my shadow. When I can live without that shadow darkening my spirit, I have a lot of fun. Though, sometimes, I encounter other people’s shadows. If that spins them out, too bad for them. Though, I try not to be rude.

Also at Pantheacon, I did a tantra workshop. Sylvia Brallier is the bomb! I posted before that I laughed the laugh of the liberated. Basically, my “all shadow” dissolved. Everything I’ve repressed was gone. Every insecurity was revealed as being completely ridiculous and delusional. This wasn’t done one by one but by simply knowing the true joy of the spirit. The joy society, and all of its shadows, works so hard to kill.

The shadow is not bad bad bad. The shadow is simply errant thinking we’ve ceded power to. Nothing more. Exploring that sort of shadow and, I use this word just to piss off My Gal, reclaiming those items, was and is fun.

There is another form of shadow. This shadow is where evil lurks. That shadow is that part of some humans that pushes them to molest children and, just for giggles, steal little old ladies’ walkers or even worse, produce white chocolate. There are shadows that cause us to actively engage in evil. I don’t know the right term for that either but in a practical sense, those are bad bad bad.

My viewpoint of the shadow has evolved. It is now something that I will explore with joy. I’ve contacted Sylvia Brallier for quarterly tantra lessons as she doesn’t live nearby. Otherwise, I’d be there weekly. I look forward to those lessons with great anticipation. I will become that which does not cast a shadow.

* While I have no objection to that act per se, I do have an issue with the shock it would cause children in this society. The human mind, much less an impressionable developing mind, can not go from 0 to 60 in a sexual heartbeat. The act is immoral only within the context of a society whose main goal is sexual repression. The immorality comes from the fact that the act is far too likely to extend the damage society is already working to inflict upon the child. That being said, there is nothing inherently immoral about having sex in any consensual circumstances with other humans capable of making an informed decision to participate.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Today, I posted about an act of magick. I said I'd post the results here. Can any determination of the effectiveness of my magick be made here? It is a good idea to determine what constitutes proof before any event occurs. Otherwise, one can be led into delusion.

The spell was for the spirit to determine if the car can be repaired with its safety features in tact, If that is possible. If so, the spirit was to make or influence the insurance company repair the car rather than declaring the vehicle totalled. How could a spirit know if the car can be repaired safely? Likely by reading the mind of the mechanic I suppose but I don't know. So, let us say the insurance company says the car must be totalled. Did the spell work or not? No real way to tell. Perhaps, the car could not be repaired safely. They determined that and totalled the car. No way to prove magickal influence there. Let us say they deterimine the car can be repaired and do so. Aside from the minor miracle of an insurance company paying a claim, this could have happened without my magick being involved. There is no real way to tell.

No matter what happens there, no valid test can be made.

Was my time wasted? No. I learned about I spirit that I know was there. I know because I saw him and he explained things in a manner that was new to me. He gave me signs to use to help the other things I asked for come to fruition. Can those magicks be proven effective? Not exactly, but they can be with a higher probability than the car.

Enochian Work - Volunteered

My back has been giving me problems of late. Perhaps because I didn't not seal properly after helping some one. I know that drained my ability to perform magick. I sealed that leak and now I'm back in the saddle magickally. The back is still a problem but it has been SO MUCH better of late that I can not complain.

Last night, a friend called for a favor. She had been in an auto accident and she didn't want the insurance company to declare the car totalled, if it could be fixed safely. So, I did a little Enochian today. I know, some folks would say that they don't understand issues such as that. But, that is what they say. Who are they? I gave it a shot.

I didn't do this last night because I was on too many meds. Viciden does not help me with magick. However, if I take the exact right dose for the pain level, it is basically a slightly slower form of sober. I can do magick like that. That exact dosage level is rare but it happened today.

I did the LBRP astrally. It was one of the best 'visualized' LBRPs I've ever done. I'd like to make a brief comment on that. I have only rarely successfully astral projected. So, to say I did the ritual astrally is not really correct. I did it in my head but projected my thoughts away from my body. I 'saw' myself performing the right. I 'heard' my voice saying the words. I have done this before and then, unhappy with the result, got up and did it physically. This time, it felt really good.

I burned Mugwort because that is what the back of my brain screamed at me to burn. I wanted Dittany of Crete. I was overruled.

I did the normal opening but instead of just saying the words, I used the fingers of either hand as drum sticks and tapped out the beat. I have no rythym so it would have sounded odd to you but it helped me. There is a form of psychotherapy that my sister is certifed to perform that involves stimulating the patient by playing sounds, tapping shoulders etc in such a way that alternate sides of the body are stimulated. This is said to break up thought patterns. Does it? Who knows but I think it helped because the spirits landed with a whallop.

The normal opening complete, I called the Mercury senior of the earth tablet. He came, loud and grumpy. I banished him immediately because I instantly recognized what was wrong. I had failed to call the King of the tablet first. Always call the king when working with a senior of a tablet. I called Iczhhca, the merciful side of the king. He landed with a kindly thump. Then he kindly gave me permission to call Ahmlicu.

I explained what was needed. First, he needed to determine if the car would be structurally safe after the repairs. If so, the 'people that decide' aka the insurance company need to allow the car to be repaired rather than totalled. He agreed and said it could be done. He then said that the person asking needs to fulfill the reason she gave me for asking this. "She asked for it." This was not negotiable. He didn't say it either way but I knew. I agreed for her.

Nanta once told me all of my magick with the earth tablet will work. We shall see. I will report the results here.

I continued asking for two things for myself. There was no 'price'. However, I was instructed to make a particular symbol of each desire. Neither of which could be identified as even Enochian much less as the spirit in question. Does that count as a pact? Technically, I have no idea. However, it isn't a pact in my mind at all. It is simply a physical form for the magick to adhere to.

He then explained that his job is to foster interchanges and asked me if I understood how that applied to commerce, travel and communication. I certainly did. It is one thing to know these things are linked but it is quite another to feel it as the spirit explains. Have I mentioned that I LOVE ENOCHIAN? It simply kicks ass.

All in all, I am pleased.


The Fresno Pagan Pride Day coordinator has dropped the PPD label as she wants to branch out. I have volunteered to do a Greek reconstructionist ritual. Fortunately, I had just ordered a lot of books on the topic.

Art Work

I have started playing with wood burning. The picture attached is my first try. I didn't draw the figure but I did do the leaves on the staff free hand. I think it is excellent for my first try.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Spirit Guide Found!

He was behind the couch the whole time!

Actually, no but it was fun to type. I am a bit suprised by the form but as soon as I saw the type of creature, I remembered more from last night. As I was drifting off to sleep, I suddenly found myself at the base of a cliff. The vision was on and off in an instant but it was crystal clear. As soon as I returned from that all oto brief journey, an animal raced across my bed. I was fully awake at the time. It's foot scraped across my watch. The sound was distinct and jarring, especially, since I don't wear a watch.

I am not going to reveal the type of animal just yet or maybe ever. We'll see.

It must be Urned!

Last night, I slept well. I dreamed that a voice said, "You must choose a spirit guide." The voice seemed to come from within my head, rather than being external. However, the voice didn't feel like it was mine. I was shown various animals as they would appear on a Grecian urn. The urn slowly turned so I could see each one. Though, I woke immediately, I could not recall any of the shapes.

In looking for a picture of an urn to go with this post, I hit the back button. It took me to a page I had not visited. The first thing I saw on the page was a name that I relate to my HGA. Is this an indication that the urn dream came from him? In asking him, he says yes. I asked him how to choose and and said to research the animals Greeks put on their vases. Wonderful.


I noticed that after my ignorance post, no less than three people ceased following my blog. Perhaps, they disagreed. Or perhaps, I ripped the cover off of their delusion of contact.
To be clear, I wasn't advocating anyone remain ignorant forever merely that it can be used as a validating technique. There are other validating techniques as well.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Ignorance is Good

I’ve done less magic lately. I suppose that is the reason for the many posts of late. If I’m not doing magic, I’m thinking about it.

In my last post, I mentioned the fact that I will be doing more studying. I also mentioned that this will help me reach better conclusions than I could have from a place of ignorance. However, I want to say few words about the value of ignorance.

Ignorance is good. Ignorance is good when it comes to doing magic. At least it is good for beginners that are actually doing magic rather than simply reading about it. The reason for this is that it is easy to delude yourself into thinking your magic is working. It is easy to say, “I met my love because I did a spell,” and you may have but how do you know? Sometimes, especially at the beginning, a coincidence is simply a coincidence.

Other times, a coincidence has meaning.

Suppose a person new to the work performs a ceremony designed to get him in touch with a particular spirit or god and that being relates some information about itself. If the person in question is familiar or, even worse, made a thorough study of that being, the immediate question comes to mind, did that information come from the spirit or from the would be magician’s unconscious or was the subject so well known that the information was already stored in his awareness and memory? Most reasonable people could not conclude that a genuine spirit communication took place from the evidence presented.

Now, let us suppose that the mage in question was completely unaware of the deity. In short, he was ignorant. During the communication, the deity revealed that he enjoys a particular activity or carries a particular tool or the magician feels a certain mental attitude as being emanated from the spirit. Being a diligent magician he writes his experiences down. Later, he reads about the spirit and finds that his observations were correct. While it is impossible to say that the person had never been exposed to such information, it is more likely in this case that the information came from the spirit itself.

The wise student places a question mark after this case. Then he repeats his experiments over time. When the pattern continues, our magician becomes more and more confident. His healthy skepticism has been rewarded with certain knowledge.


Last night, I dreamt that some natural disaster occurred involving water. I was in charge of responding to the emergency. Someone from work, whom I like but do not feel is competent was in the dream. I gave him some direction.

Suddenly, I was in a New York City convenience store. I was in a debate with someone in the store. Witchdoctorjoe entered the store just as the conversation was over. He said, “These New Yorkers bring too much subjectivity into their arguments.” We walked out of the store. We turned to each other and he said, “Do you feel something weird?” I said yes.

Joe replied, “We’ve just traveled back in time.”

We were still in New York but in the mid 1800’s. Everyone was very well dressed. Joe spoke to a black person. When the conversation ended, another black man asked him not to talk to other blacks because, “We pay a price.” That added a creep factor to the dream.

We then entered a bar where blacks and whites were speaking freely. The atmosphere was relaxed and calm.

I can not recall any prior dream that even had a historical context much less transitioning through time.

Dead Period

This is over. I made the mistake of not sealing myself after I gave the person at Pantheacon a lot of energy. I have resolved that error.


I’m currently reading a book called “Shamanism Archaic Techniques of Ecstasy by Mircea Eliade. Chapter two contains an interesting paragraph. “We shall soon see that all the ecstatic experiences that determine the future shaman’s vocation involve the traditional schema of an initiation ceremony: suffering, death, resurrection. Viewed from this angle, any “sickness-vocation” fills the role of an initiation; for the sufferings that it brings on correspond to the initiatory tortures, the psychic isolation of “the elected” is the counterpart to the isolation and ritual solitude of initiation ceremonies, and the imminence of death felt by the sick man (pain, unconsciousness, etc.) recalls the symbolic death represented in almost all initiation ceremonies. The examples that follow will show how for the assimilation between sickness and initiation is carried. Certain physical sufferings find their exact counterparts in terms of a (symbolic) initiatory death – for example, the dismemberment of the candidate’s (the sick man) body, an ecstatic experience that can equally well be brought on by the sufferings of a “sickness-vocation” or by certain ritual ceremonies or, finally, in dreams.”

I’m intrigued by the portion about psychic isolation. Could this be a secret of silence? Is this why we undergo silence after an initiation and so many people are told to do magick in silence? Are we creating our own initiatory experienced by merely being quiet about our lives? I’ll have to think of this more.

I have never been much of a scholar. However, recent experiences at Pantheacon, not related to my speech, are leading me to study more about where my magic comes from. I want to explore the myths. I want to have the background necessary to reach conclusions that I could not reach from a place of ignorance. This may be difficult for me because while I love to read, I do not like to study what I have read. I’m quickly reaching the conclusion that this is something that must be overcome.

I’m sure my readers will determine, how well I pursue this goal. For if I pursue it well and diligently, I have no doubt that the nature of my posts will change. And so will the questions I ask. We shall see.

Thank You

I find it valueable for both myself and the universe as a whole to say thank you once in a while. It is very easy to say thank you. It is a bit more difficult to say it with the depth of emotion necessary. Though, with magick, that is changing so much. For instance, I posted about getting a recommendation from a friend on where to eat in Chowchilla. She gave us that info. And then, some time later, sent me a text advising me to take a different route home as the other route can be a bit dangerous. I was so touched by that small gesture of caring that my eyes welled up with moisture. The little things matter and that mattered.

The Frater BH of two years ago would barely have noticed. Doing the Work has many benefits that can be hidden. Part of the point of this blog is exposing some of those things.

So, there have been others that have helped me on this path and I want to send them a cosmic thank you even though most of them do not read this space. I offer this as it occurs to me, not in any particular order. There are some names here that are controversial. I am sure that there is a possibility that any one of them has done some reader wrong at one time or another. People are human. I am thanking them for how they assisted me.

My Gal, for being her and for giving me someone to talk to about this stuff. And, for not laughing too hard at me when I come to understand the obvious.

My mentor, a man I owe such a debt that it can only be repaid in service to others.

The first person to introduce me to magick. I call him "Fred" because I promised many years ago never to reveal his name. He taught me nothing, expect one extrodinarily important thing. Magick works.

To every magician and want to be magician that ever tried to help. Intent matters.

To every magician that tried to get in my way, resistance builds strength.

To those that have sought to learn from me, even when I failed you, you helped me to learn.

To those that are not afraid to get out there and offer an opinion. Frater RO, Jason Miller, Jason Mankey, Lon Milo DuQuette, John Michael Greer, Donald Michael Kraig, Mary K. Greer and a host of other authors and lecturers. Someday, I hope to return to the universe all that you brought into my life.

Special thanks to Lon Milo, whose influence has been great. I will defend him to the end. Though, I do not agree with all the says directly. I understand the hows and whys of what he says and he has my everlasing respect.

Special thanks to Sam Webster of the OSOGD for being the third thing. He came between the contempt of my prior group and the boundless compassion of my mentor to help me get some practical magickal concepts in my head. He was the first adept to see potential in me that was not required to by fraternal oath. I am grateful.

Special thanks to all those that took the time not only to stand in the initiatory hall as initiatory officers but had to the courage to stand there as candidates. Those names I can post here are: Lon Milo DuQuette, Sam Webster, John Michael Greer, Dennis (I'm not sure I can mention his last name but he knows who he is.) , JR and W of Thoth-Pheonix, and many others. Sadly, I can not remember all their names but I remember the debt I owe and will reaffirm here what I have said after all the but the first.

I can not repay you diretly but when I am ready, I will do for others what you did for me.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Did Something

I rallied enough to do an LBRP and middle pillar. When I exited the temple room, My Gal asked if I was playing music. I said no. Her response was that it sounded like I had four people in the temple room with me. I take that as a good sign.

Pantheacon was transformational for me. I think part of this fatigue is my body adjusting to a new me. If that LBRP was indication, this may get fun.

Still Working

I may be dead magickally but I am working. I've been learning about Greek mythology and I am working on a short essay to be published here. The topic will be a jumping off point for my next talk.

Dead Space

Since Pantheacon, I am in a magickal dead space. There is no possibility of me doing magick right now. I do not know why.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Pantheacon Book - Changes

I told several people to post to my blog and I'd lead them to the book of Abramelin. However, I failed to recognize that the comments were set to allow only those with a blogger account. I have rectified that situation. The book info is below.

Click on this link to find the Amazon page.

Secondly, I have started moderating comments. This way, I can spot those folks that comment to posts made long ago.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Psychic Wars

I had the urge to list to some Blue Oyster Cult on the way to Pantheacon this year. I almost bought a new cd/downloaded the mp3s when I came across the old cd. There were several songs that really took me back to my early days in occultism.

I've often said that I did the LBRP for ten years thinking I was about to raise a demon. In short, I was SCARED but I kept doing them anyway. I just knew this was my answer. I KNEW IT. During this period of fear, I'd do LBRP's a lot and through in a vibration or two of Geburah. I figured that would help make me strong and protect me. Look, I didn't say I was smart!

In my later years, I've had to fight being a cranky ass and a bit overly agressive when challenged. I don't mean in a violent way but I can get angry fast and I will verbally undress you from time to time. Though, that rarely happens anymore. This trait I blame on too much Geburah. I blame too much Geburah and my fear on being exposed to songs like this as I was just entering occultism.

Veteran Of The Psychic Wars

You see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars
I’ve been living on the edge so long
Where the winds of limbo roar
And I’m young enough to look at
And far too old to see
All the scars are on the inside
I’m not sure if there’s anything left of me

Don’t let these shakes go on
It’s time we had a break from it
It’s time we had some leave
We’ve been living in the flames
We’ve been eating up our brains
Oh, please don’t let theses shakes go on

You ask me why I’m weary, why I can’t speak to you
You blame me for my silence
Say it’s time I changed and grew
But the war’s still going on dear
And there’s no end that I know
And I can’t say if we’re ever...
I can’t say if we’re ever gonna to be free

Don’t let these shakes go on
It’s time we had a break from it
It’s time we had some leave
We’ve been living in the flames
We’ve been eating out our brains
Oh, please don’t let theses shakes go on

You see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars
My energy’s spent at last
And my armor is destroyed
I have used up all my weapons and I’m helpless and bereaved
Wounds are all I’m made of
Did I hear you say that this is victory?

Don’t let these shakes go on
It’s time we had a break from it
Send me to the rear
Where the tides of madness swell
And been sliding into hell
Oh, please don’t let shakes go on
Don’t let these shakes go on
Don’t let these shakes go on

Next Pantheacon

Phil asked if I was going to present again next year. I replied in the comments that it depends upon whether I have something to say. I am a Leo. Sooner or later, usually sooner, I have something to say. I am toying with this:

Magick of the Self: The Art of Transformation

(introductory paragraph)

People do magick for all sorts of reasons. They want to draw objects into their lives, like new cars, a certain book, a new home. They want to affect others, to fall in love, to make someone come, to make someone go. They do magick to worship. They do magick to instill in themselves a sense of power. In short, in one way or another, they do magick to create a greater sense of pleasure in their lives. That is fun. Can I see a show of hands? How many here do magick because, ultimately, it is pleasureable or fun in some way? (Hopefully, many hands go up). How many of you enjoy kicking yourself in the ass? (Hopefully, many hands go down.) Oh, you're going to hate this class.

This Pantheacon

There is a saying is sports that goes, "He left it all out on the field." That is how I feel after this Pantheacon. I channeled and expressed so much energy that I am magickally drained. My etheric body is tired. It may be a few more days of recharging before the post parade begins again.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Odd Flash of Insight

On the way back from Pantheacon, My Gal and I stopped in a small town called Chowchilla. If you are old enough, you may remember a group of thugs hijacking a school bus and burying the bus in a quarry hoping for ransom. If you do, that occurred in Chowchilla, California in 1976.

I called a good friend and asked her where we could grab a quick dinner. She told me to go to the Pizza Factory. We did. As I sat there, murder came to mind. I stared at the cash register. I couldn't tell if the murder had occurred or would soon. The time was shaky but the feeling of death at the cash register was real. I assumed it was a robbery.

I told my friend about the feeling. She said the owner had been killed by her boyfriend a few months before. It would make sense her ghost would be around the register. I can't imagine that would be unusual for a business owner.

Now, I can throw down some tarot cards but I can't recall feeling so confident about a random bit of intuition like that and having it so quickly born out.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Pantheacon Rocks!

"This is the best pagan festival in North America." Jason Mankey

Damn Straight! The folks that put these thing on should be nominated for sainthood, Panhood? Something. If you are a pagan on the left coast and you don't go to this, turn in your pagan card. You must go. I learn so much there every year.

The Open Source Order of the Golden Dawn put on a variation of the GD Neophyte Hall. I had some ontological fits during the opening but I know they do things differently than I've been trained. That is okay by me. The ritual itself was creative, funny, had a point and lacked any power whatsoever. Or so I thought. A day or two afterwards, I stuck my finger in Sam Webster's chest. Sam founded and runs the OSOGD. I told him, "I owe you one for that." He laughed and smiled. Given what I know of Sam's life over the last couple of years, that was heart warming in itself. Later, I made sure My Gal passed on the same message. I do to say this with all love and respect, &$^#*@.

After that ritual, I confronted my shadow at every turn. I met Lee Harrington. He did a talk on rope magick that I really enjoyed. I learned two techniques from Lee that, I am sure, will be painfully obvious to my readers. They were not obvious to me. The man has been there and done that. I ran into him at the hotel resturant and complimented him. He came over and sat at our table. He is the only combination transexual, bdsm guru, alternative sexuality priest, body piercer (to the point of suspension from the ceiling), adept (at something but I am not sure what), spirit worker, fully actualized human, performance artist, museum exhibitor, author and all around good egg I've ever met. I have some repressed sexuality issues. He has none. Hence, the positive side of my shadow.


Moving right along, I went to "Tantric Shamanism Breath Work Ceremony" put on by Sylvia Brallier. Wow. Awesome. Talk about raising kundalini! Oh, Thou Serpents, where have you been all my life? Sleeping, no doubt. One word: Wow

I laughed the laugh of the liberated. The twin cobras still dance. I am going to travel to San Francisco to learn more from these people if at all possible. Sexual repression? What is that again?

Then, I encountered a black magician who shall be nameless. Oh, dark dark place. Here is my shadow too. I'd never do this stuff. Um...sure, you go right ahead and believe that if you want. Heck, I convinced myself for a long time that I'd never do such things. A magician must have his head in heaven and his feet in hell. Sooner or later, something may enter into my life that will require this. I don't have to look forward to it but I must acknowledge the possibility.
At one point, a friend was sucked dry in an elevator by a vamp. In only one floor she went from estatic to tired and miserable. Fortunately, she found me just after leaving the tantra ritual. I taught her to draw the energy from me. She went from great to horrible to drunk on power in the space of ten minutes. That was quite a ride for her. It was a pleasure to be of service to one in need.

I also did some quite effective healing work on a burn and some emotional conforting over the weekend. Such simple magicks can be so effective when love is the motivation. Thank you, Mr. DuQuette.

I bring up the first part last. I attended some things on Dionysis and Pan put on by Jason Mankey. If you have any interest in the Greek gods, see Jason where you can. He is well worth the trip and, if you're lucky, or unlucky, he'll take you on quite another trip of your own. Jason is awesome. I mention this last because, oddly enough, this entire trip was overshadowed by the great god Pan. The goat-footed one and I have become acquainted. Frankly, I love him. Frankly, he scares me.

I also presented for the first time this year. The topic was The Magick of the Self, Your Holy Guardian Angel. I had one of the worst slots imaginable, 1:30 on Monday. The last class time on the last day. I thought I'd be speaking to My Gal and a couple of friends. The San Jose room was not standing room only but it certainly looked well attended to me. My guess is that about 50 to 60 people showed up. Only one left in the middle. The audience was kind enough to laugh at my antics and was very attentive. They were great.

Many other things happened over the weekend that will never be posted here. But, the weekend qualifies as life changing.

Saturday, February 14, 2009


"There's a cultural agreement that privileges people's discomfort if it's about sexuality. If you're uncomfortable about blacks, you'are a racist. If you're uncomfortable about Jews, you're anti-Semitic. Uncomfortable about sex? You're a civic leader."

Marty Klein, Ph.D.
from American's War on Sex

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


As long time readers know, I cut off my 2.5 feet of braid in December. I have noticed how many more people smile at me in meetings, compliment my work and other such things since. These are nice things but the only difference in me is the length of my hair. If I was a jerk before, I can assure you that I am just as big of a jerk now. If I was nice before, I haven't become any nicer.

Fools they are.

Those who practice, to steal a term from Jason Miller, Strategic Sorcery, could use this type of thing as a prime example of something to use to influence things in your direction. People's prejudices are powerful.

For those that seek within, which can also include those indicated in the above paragraph, this is a prime example of how your own prejudices can fool you. Find them. Root them out. Destroy them!

Imagine yourself a busines owner that sees less talent in someone because of a manner of dress or other superficial quality. Does that prejudice make or cost you money? Get rid of it. Imagine yourself in a need of a friend, only to pass someone by that looks differently than you. We all hold this sort of silliness as a life truth but if we look closer, we will realize that we've been programmed to be superficially influenced. Rewrite the programming!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Fewer Posts

I haven't been posting much as I've been working on mundane things and the Pantheacon event. Please expect the slow down to continue for the rest of the week.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


I am on the final Pantheacon schedule at the final time, Monday February 16 at 1:30. The topic of the talk is The Magick of the Self -- Your Holy Guardian Angel. If any of my readers are still around, I'd love to see you. Or you can contact this space in the next couple of days and maybe we can hook up before then.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

A New Level of Pissed

Well, I've faced frustration issues at work. I've blogged about them. I've talked about them. I've seen a shrink about them. I'm frustrated.

I work for the government. There are a lot of very hard working people there. In fact, there are not many left in my department that don't work their tails off. I've worked in both the public and private sector and while this will surprise government bashers out there, there are more diligent government workers than private sector workers. The problem isn't the workers, it is the system. The system is so complex because of the huge effort taken to make sure every tax payer dollar goes where it is supposed to that you spend two dollars proving were the other three have been spent.

I work on a computer system that tracks a certain type of services provided to a group of people in a situation that you can thank your god you are not in. My department represents the best of what society would like do for those that through no fault of their own are in a world of hurt and misery.

Yet, occasionally, I run into people that are so burnt out or so apathetic that the simply refuse do their jobs. One person can really drag these complex systems to a halt in a hurry. I am dealing with two at the moment.

Here is the problem. I am so frustrated right now that energy is coursing through my body like I can not believe. I feel like I need to take some downers. I don't do drugs. So, there seems to be a problem.

The magickal end is this. Wednesday night I did a middle pillar. In my tradition, you raise energy by drawing it down from the crown. In my experiment, I started at the feet (malkuth) and worked up the middle pillar and then back down. I did that at about 7:00 at night. I could not fall asleep until four in the morning because it raised so much energy. Last night, I slept 10 hours. Now, I am LOADED with energy sparked by that work frustration but it feels the same as that middle pillar energy only with an emotion attached. Coincidence? I don't know.

As you've read before, I just note things and record them. I will reach conclusions later.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Do Stuff

Do more than one thing.

Yeah, I know. Brilliant! Next I will advise putting beer in bottles and writing down phone numbers in a little black book.

One of the tenets of the Western Tradition that I have been taught is that we must be of the world. There is no hermitage. We work. We have a social life. We do things (theoretically) that have nothing to do with magick. As some of you may have noticed. I am focus sort of guy. I do magick. I write about magick. I read about what other magick users are doing. It is rare that I have a social interest in anyone that isn't a magick person or at least interesting to talk to regarding personal philosophy or spirituality. I don't own a tv. Had I not looked at CNN that day, I had not known the Super Bowl was being played or who was playing.

My sister's brother lives with us now for his reasons which I will not disclose. He's been bringing me books in lieu of rent. I am reading again. I've read about 10 Terry Pratchett novels. Terry is one of us or he's researched us quite well. It didn't shock me too much to feel the subtle pull of magick when my mind was lost in his words.

Today, I picked up the Illuminati Trilogy by Robert Anton Wilson. This is not an easy read. He may have wrote it on acid. My mind though drops right back into magick mode even though my back is acting up. Why? Because I am so engrossed I am not thinking about magick. The rest of what I do has time to percolate or congeal or something. I am allowing a different part of my mind to work than I usually do. I love it.

There is a point to this rambling. If you find it, please let me know.

HGA Demonology

My friend Fr. RO says that those seeking their HGA are simply demonologists. He bases this on the fact that once you get your HGA you're supposed to control some demons. That is like saying that as soon as you're promoted to supervisor, you work is done as now you the power to control subordinates.

Getting your HGA does indeed give you power to have petty trifles removed from your life. Have a crazy neighbor whose rantings interrupt your meditations? Use magick and rid of him. Too impoverished to live in a safe neighborhood? Call a demon and get him to help you move out. That is not the Great Work. Those are preliminaries or necessities to the Great Work. Nothing more. Getting trapped in power is still getting trapped.

Use a demon to avoid the lessons of the path? Oh, that one will get you in trouble.

The Great Work is about making things better. You can make a lot of things better by making yourself better. Allow me to use an extreme example. Let's say you are hyper critical of your children. You do the work and calm down. Your children grow up with one less burden buried in their psyche, a burden they will not pass on to their kids. The universe has become incrementally better. That is the Great Work.

I know a man that has taken time out to teach many of us how to do this work. This has been stressful, frustrating, time consuming and, I hope, ultimately rewarding. He used his HGA to help us find ours. We in turn, may help the world to become a better place.

Doing the Work is about manifesting as much of human version of 'God' here as possible. It is about controlling your evil daimon for your own purposes and letting your 'good' daimon reign.

Monday, February 2, 2009

I May be Done

I have always reacted to threats by doing not much of anything. I am not quick to pull magick out of my bag. I don't know if I've been afraid of it or smart enough to realize that my magick (and maybe everyone else's) creates a lot of ripples in the pond. Frankly, most people's lives are wavy enough as is and I've never been one to seek revenge.

After what may have been a vampire type person sucking a bit of energy off of me, after dealing with some jerks at work, after recalling all the magick that has been thrown around near me by acquaintances and the like; after realizing all the magick that occurs in advertising at the rest, I am about to start firing back.

I am tired of obstructionists, people that think they can avoid karma via magick, and those willfully disrespectful people trying to influence me to do this or that. Life is hard enough without allowing these people to affect me without my permission, especially when they are sneaky about it. I am an upfront sort of guy. I don't sneak. I don't hide. If you want to know how I feel, just ask me. Sneaky, I don't like.

From this point, I will quietly draw a sword. It will take some thought at planning at having some ready to fire spells. I haven't done much of this. So I will have to think about it. However, the few counter-jerk and counter-magick things I have done seemed to have worked quite well.

That being said, I will not fire indiscriminately. I do not think the world is out to get me. Most folks, even magick users, really don't give a hoot about me or what I do. Thinking anyone and everyone cares enough to fire a spell at me is a bit arrogant. Though, everyone and anyone would be willing to get into my wallet (grin).

There are a lot of us that have 'standing spells' they go off all the time. "Hide me" is fine. "Don't embarrass me by pointing out my wart" is fine. "Shove away all those who disagree" Not fine. "Buy something" in an occult store...mmmm. Not sure. Fair game but I may not have money today. If I am budget conscious, that may be go away when I enter. "I shall intimidate you." Not fine. If I am unsure, not fine. When I think about it, my lines are pretty well drawn. Speaking of which, off to the drawing board.