Tonight, I did ritual to get in contact with my HGA. I can talk to 'him' anytime but sometimes doing it in full ritual aids my confidence level. Or, so I thought when I began.
I have a certain very personal tech for working with things angelic or for that matter demonic. I suppose, I should use the same tech for everything. Funny, how I don't necessarily think something through until I speak or write down my thoughts. Part of me finds that to be a personal flaw. The other part tells me doing so is a tool to be used often.
The rite itself was uneventful. Looking back, I appreciate its simplicity. My spirit is calm and peaceful.
Upon sitting back in my chair, I saw quite clearly 'his' sign. I can use this sign to call him or he can display it to me upon his arrival. He pulled out a piece of grass from my aura. It was a dry hollow tube. A yellow butterfly emerged from that grass, flew about and landed upon my nose. before flying about me some more. My HGA said that I need to be careful when removing astral things from myself. Just as there are harmful and helpful bacteria in the body, so it is true with astral beings that may become attached to one's aura from time to time. These he hide from me last night so I did not accidentally remove them. He instructed me to take greater care next time.
I have a double-standard problem in my life. It seems I am always held to a standard higher than others around me. At least when it comes to magickal groups. My current mentor will even admit this to me while saying flattering things, an unusual thing for him to do. Regardless, I reject the flattery and am annoyed by the double-standard. I asked my HGA about this and he said that the only difference between me and anyone else is that I see the double-standard more clearly for myself. He pointed out how I hold a couple other people to double-standards as well. The trick, quoth he, is to ignore the expectations of others when they are applying that double-standard and live as I choose.
My HGA once told me to wear blue and red. I have a tendency to take things literally. I almost bought a new wardrobe in the required colors. After some thought, I assumed he meant to live with mercy and creativity, especially when met with the aforementioned double-standard. Tonight, he told me I was right and I was right when I assumed that red and blue also corresponded to Chesed and Geburah. When I stand between them on the path of Teth, my feet on the path, my head must be in Keter. "Think of it as a very high bar for yourself. You set this standard."
I asked him if I could feel this close to him all the time. He told me to do this rite more often and that and the 'shortcut' I have to his appearance. "Like a muscle, " he said, "the more you use it, the stronger it becomes." He also said to continue to pause during troubling or not so troubling moments and 'reach back' for his input.
He gave me further advice about a situation I am in but this I can not reveal due to the confidentiality of others.