Happy New Year

My great grandfather, John O'Connor, was fond of saying, "May the very best of this year be the very worst of next year." This is my wish to all of you.

Thanks all for your reading and input.

Update: Turns out this was my Great Great Grandfather. How great I don't know personally but my dad liked him. Oh and his name was Daniel not John. Daniel O'Connor 1865-1953
 
I am amazed how recently 'long ago' events.  He was born the year Lincoln was assassinated and died the same year Truman announced that the US had a hydrogen bomb. Twelve years later I was born. He was very politically connected. It is not inconceivable he touched someone that touched Lincoln.  

Metatron Changes

The Metatron experience may be so profound as to have a life labeled PM and AM -- Prior to Metatron and After Metatron.

I've prayed three times a day since then. I light a small candle in my bedroom and say a few words and listen. I've prayed before but worship has never been my style. I've never understood it before and am still a bit uncomfortable with the word. There are two aspects to this prayer, worship and unity. I am left with a feeling of peace. It isn't an all encompassing peace but I have to push deep inside to feel the discord that remains within my body. I feel that this discord will not last much longer, relatively speaking.

Small behavior patterns have changed. Today, I was preparing to get a bagel. I was going to stick my head under the shower so I could get my hair to stay in one place, get the bagel and return home to shower. It takes a bit of time to get the shower warm enough to stick my head under. I was then asked or asked myself, if this action was harmonious with one of the names I was given. The answer was no. So, I showered fully and then obtained the bagel.

This isn't earth shattering but the thoughts that lead to this behavior change were completely new.

Upon my return from delicious bagel consumption, I thought of Jason Miller's story of a woman's "personal tsunami". She had compared a minor personal event with the recent tsunami that killed hundreds of thousands. The first time I heard the story, I wanted to bitch slap the woman. Now, I feel sorry for her. Someone once told me not to think light of puppy love "because it is real to the puppy." This woman must have been truly unhinged and ill-equipped to deal with any sort of real life.

Thoughts that didn't feel like mine then intruded and pointed out all the tsunamis that happen every day. Humans may wipe out an ant hill. Farmers may poison huge numbers of insects. Mother nature creates a wave that kills humans, animals, insects and who knows what else. None of this is done with malice. The farmer doesn't hate Louis the Beetle. He simply believes this is the best way to feed humans and his family.

There was no guilt associated with the death humans cause. It wasn't an environmental diatribe. It was a simple understanding of everyday mass destruction. Oddly, there was a sort of peace with it. No, this was not some sort of apocalyptic vision. It was more of an understanding of various microcosms.

I point these things out because they are serious changes in thought patterns.

Arguing with RO (Yes, it is Tuesday already)

RO posted here about my post here.

He had a lot to say about my use of the word sacrifice. I agree with him in theory. I disagree in practicality. Take it for what it is worth. I think we are both right. I'd love to hear Jason Miller's take on this stuff but I know he is swamped with his awesome class.

The theory is that the universe is an open system and therefore any magick that I do to gain money doesn't mean it has to come out of a finite money supply. There is an infinite source of riches. I first heard this theory from Sam Webster of OSOGD fame. I agreed with him too, after thinking about it.

However, in practical terms how would money I sent a spirit for manifest?

• My father could suddenly write me a check.
• I could be offered paid overtime at work.
• I could get hit by a bus and the insurance payment is larger than my expenses.
• My Gal could land a windfall and share.
• I could find a lost wallet with no id.
• I could get promoted.
• I could get an outside job that utilized by Crystal Report writing skills.
  

Is there a sacrifice made here?

• My father sacrificed all other uses of the money he would send.
• Given limited budgets in my work place, someone else would not get overtime or  we may not be allowed to buy paper for our printers. Pens are already off limits for purchase.
• Trust me, getting hit by a bus would be a sacrifice on my part
• My Gal would sacrifice other opportunities to spend her windfall on something shiny.
• The person who lost the wallet sacrificed its spending power.
• Due to budget constraints any promotion I get will hurt somebody somewhere.
  

While the source of money may be infinite, its practical arrival would necessitate some sort of sacrifice on someone's part. With the possible exception of the outside job. Even if a spirit produced the money out of a vacuum, his or her or its efforts would be a sacrifice of its energy, time or whatever efforts spirits make. It may be willing sacrifice given my sacrifice of something else to the spirit but a sacrifice it is.

If I needed money to get an operation, repair my house, or some other major event, I'd have no problem asking the universe for aid. This simply wasn't necessary in this act of magick.

Last Night's Post

I was a little shaky last night, trying to put my head on straight after the events of the day. The visit from Metatron was mind blower. I am sure some serious changes are coming. I do not fear them. I am trying to wrap my head around the information imparted.

Just For Fun

I have doing a lot of fun reading of late. I'd like to recommend Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series. The alternative reality fiction is set in relatively modern times where magic is real but the population is unaware. Yes, it is a bit over the top. It is fiction. It is well-written, fun, and mixes is some magickal facts. Some magickal facts. RO will hate it. If any of you enjoy action type fiction, detective stories and things with an magical theme, you'll love this stuff. Here is a link to the first book in the series.

He also writes a swords/sorcery type adventure story that is unique in how magic works. That magic is accessible to everyone in a greater or lesser extent, except the main character. These are very enjoyable as well. Here is a link to the first book in this series. 

P.S. I have made $23.00 off this blog by linking to Amazon. Oddly, most of it last September. I only make recommendations on things I enjoy and/or find useful magickally/spirituality.

DOB 12/28/2009 -- approximately 1:05 PM PST

I sat down to try to pound out some words on the book I am writing when I felt called to the temple room. Perhaps not so oddly, just prior to that, I was compelled to reinstall the household protections I had to move for the repairman today.

I sat down in my customary chair before the Enochian holy table. Metatron appeared. He again asked me the question, "How do you want your spirituality [soul] to manifest?" I said through forgiveness. He said no. That is a step. He then gave me three "choices". I said yes to them all, instinctively.

I then saw the Tree of Life. The focus shifted to the supernals. These are the three uppermost sephiroth. They represent the Greater Neschemah collectively. The highest aspect of the soul. They are called Keter (Crown), Chokmah (Wisdom) and Binah (Understanding). He renamed them or, more appropriately, revealed my incarnation's names for them. The 'choices' were the names. I can see so much now.

I was told that I will forgive. I prayed that I could. By now, Metatron was no longer before me but upon me. A laser-like light from his heart landed upon the "rock of unforgiveness" in my belly. "You will forgive," he said. I prayed I would. Soon, I was naming names mentally. There wasn't very many of them. I haven't had a very trying life. Somethings didn't require individual names. They were more like zeitgeists, I suppose.

Then, I said them verbally. 

The lightening bolt flash  through me. Touching each sephira. I understood that each of these has a personal name too. Just like the tarot now has a more personal meaning than ever before. These names were not provided but I know I have them. I was told to invoke each archangel of the sephira in one ritual, from Keter down. Metatron said these are separate beings, external, and yet within me.  There is no contradiction in that.

Metatron told me that before the study of the Tree was the study of an idea, a form. Now the Tree is my microcosm.


Every synapse in brain fired.

I prayed that the forgiveness was real that it would manifest and be actualized.

I cry as I type. For what? Beauty? I do not know.

Metatron gave me a task to do to manifest and actualize the forgiveness. It makes sense as it involves all three names given for the supernals. To the uninitiated, it would make no sense at all. It will take a while.

Metatron then drew a sword and and plunged it straight down through me. Repeatedly. He told me that some things had to go. That it would hurt and that I would be "unhappy" with him for it. I believe him. At the moment, I do not care. I am sure I will.

The three names make sense. I can see how they've tried to manifest before and how I've misapplied them. The tarot aces may have taught me how to apply them properly or, at least, one technique for doing so that will serve me well for a time.

I am in such ignorance and yet see more now.

I feel quiet. Stunned. Unsure of what to do with myself. Peaceful. Tired.  Yet, I could stay this way. I could feel this way forever and be just fine.

This experience has not actualized yet. At this moment, it has but it is up to me to make it real long term. I will strive to do so.

The Way Magick Works

I posted a bit ago about paying off my car early. I used the psychological/energy model and my personal understanding of the tarot twos, specifically the two of disks. I did this because I am already more than capable of doing this myself. I don't need a windfall. I simply need to do it.

I am very careful with my bills. I don't make many mistakes with the bi-weekly bill paying process. My car payment is auto-deducted from my check. I never have to worry about that. This week, I sent the first decent biweekly installment of my pay off plan. It isn't in full swing yet but it is a decent chunk when one does it with discipline every two weeks. I accidentally paid it twice.

It also never occurred to me that I'd have to pay the repairman that showed up today for his work. I've only had it planned for a month. I also overpaid on my holiday credit card balance to get my credit card balance damn near zero. Unfortunately, my math skills sucked and this next two weeks will be a bit difficult!

None of this was planned but I've just enforced some discipline in advance!

Psychological/energy model magick works pretty much internally. Therefore this is the type of thing that must happen. Had I used a spirit, this could have happened or something external like a gift or a loan refi or who knows what.

It is important to know which tool to use for which type of magick. I saw little need to ask the universe to sacrifice to make this goal happen. Nor did I see a need for any other human to sacrifice anything financially for this. Frankly, it is only important to me. Sometimes practical magick can be purely internal.

A Line and Link

The master must be able to hold himself in abeyance.

The above line is mine. Well as mine as any thought can be said to belong to anyone. Who knows, I may have read it somewhere long forgotten. It came to me unbidden while my mind was occupied with mundane things. I think I was cleaning the bathroom counter top.

While I can see it applying directly to my Leo nature and it's fiery call to perpetual action, I think it is likely true for all. I've hesitated to post it for fear that it looks like I am calling myself a master. I make no such claim.

Tonight I found this post from a Christian Mystic blogger and author. The thoughts are related.

The Question

As most readers are aware, I've been dealing a lot with Metatron.

He is by far the loudest, most powerful, persistent Angel I've encountered so far. The only category he doesn't top is intimidating. That goes to one of the Shemhamphoresch Angels.

He's been asking me a question that I've been hesitating to post here. His question is this, "How do you [I] want your spirituality to manifest [specifically]?" To date, I've always said something like, to manifest the highest part of my soul or to be one with "God". These answers are vague. They've become unsatisfying. Each answer I come up with is fundamentally wrong.

I'm working on it.

Forgiveness

I still haven't achieved this in any form but the rock in my stomach that appears when I think of it isn't as heavy.

LBRP Results

Yesterday, I did an LBRP to rid myself of this cold/flu or whatever it is I have. I am pleased to announce that they banishing worked. Now, I can't hear.

Well, I can hear but not very well.

So, I Do an LBRP

First Stage of war, I do an LBRP and see the lights of a distant city in each quarter or is a constellation of stars? I do the BRH and see three pyramids at each quarter.

I see the illness poor into my hands. What I thought was an airy illness is a green brackish water. I throw it out of the temple and seal the quarter.

I invoke Metatron with a single word. He arrives. I ask some favors of him. He grants them and then bids me to depart the temple without another word. I do so.

Of Course You Realize, This Means War

Not long ago, I posted that I was getting back to the work to confront my lower self. I wrote one diary entry. The same evening, my dad's wife arrives at my doorstep, I've lived her six years. This is her first visit. Do I really need to mention that we don't get along? We each have our reasons.

The next day, I'm sick. I have been sick ever since. The fever came and broke Christmas Eve. It is now back.

There are no coincidences in magick. This is my lower nature f---ing with me. The game is on!

(picture from: http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/1/13704/301617-43434-bugs-bunny_super.jpg)

A Success

My work frustrations tried to continue today.

I had to be in a meeting with someone that cannot stop talking. This is bad enough but she never says anything. What she does say is completely contradictory. She can not follow logic and, if a question is asked, she answers it three or four contradictory ways. She is also loud. To make this worse, she is a nice and friendly person.

She drives me up a wall, down the other side and I eventually begin chewing on the mortar.

Today, she got to me. I was irritated. I set up a wall of earth and then pushed myself into earth as well. The other four heads in the room turned and looked at me oddly. They knew something just happened but had no clue as to what. The woman kept right on going on. Ugh.

Yes, I was irritated and frustrated but I did not act out verbally. My body language showed it after a while but that was all. Other people side lined her and I came out none the worse for ware.

I was also having difficulty with a project. I couldn't see things clearly because I had too much information in one place. I projected the Ace of Swords over my computer screen and had the job done in five minutes.

Understanding the elements is perhaps the most practical benefit of magick that I know. It comes in handy in all sorts of situations.

A Dangerous Game

A while back I asked the Druid for a bit of perspective. He did his magic and returned with a task for me to complete. I embarked upon said task only to find the problem to all but disappear. The other techniques I've been doing have worked just fine. So good that I forget the journey already in motion.

This is dangerous.

Never ever do magick and then turn your back to it. You may as well test pogo sticks in a minefield.

I am getting back on task.

Forgiveness

I am still working on this. The knot of 'anti-forgiveness' in my belly is tough. It feels literally physical. Letting go is hard work but I know later, I will describe it as the easiest thing in the world and wonder why others can't do it too.

Interesting...

(Said like Arte Johnson) Interesting, very interesting.

This weekend we drove down to Bakersfield, CA to have a holiday dinner with some friends. There were only six of us, a few kids. Three antique chairs were damaged and one shattered beyond recognition for no apparent reason. It just fell apart spectacularly as the person was sitting in it.

Normally, I'd take this as some sort of omen. I've got nothing. Nada. Sometimes, weird stuff happens.

After the MOXT working, some things have been intriguing. I must keep those things to myself for now. Its wisdom is appreciated. I've been more in the mood to write since. So, hopefully, I will be back on track soon.

This One I Will Post

Sweet Babalon!

MOXT

This morning My Gal and I worked with the Enochians. The angel in question MOXT was generated using the tablet of union. The concept of this work was given to me by Lon as we discussed my tarot class. I don't think we've ever worked Enochian during the day time. When I asked it (I received no impression of gender), it explained, "not everything works at night." MOXT is daytime work.

MOXT was very calm for me and subtle. There was lots of talk about obtaining and acting upon wisdom. He used a lot of geometric shapes to explain himself.

Normally, I post in much greater detail about such interactions but today, I cannot. It would seem MOXT either makes me more internal or simply doesn't want something things discussed. I have not bothered to ask which but I will follow my intuition.

As previously mentioned, all of my (our) Enochian work is based on Enochian Vision Magick: An Introduction and Practical Guide to the Magick of Dr. John Dee and Edward Kelley

Pillars and Spheres

Of late, I've been telling you about how great work has been going. It has been awesome. I've never felt more comfortable in a work place. Things are smooth and damn near easy. Though the last few days have been difficult. Today, all was back to awesome. What caused the fluctuation?

The only variable was that I'd stopped doing Jason Miller's Pillars and Spheres meditation. I began again last night. I can not begin to tell you how much more stable earthy I've become using that. My back even feels better. Work has become wonderful, great, easy, together. No hassles.

That one meditation has made me more comfortable and happier within the work place than anything that I've done. Long time readers have seen many posts about the work place emotions I've worked hard to conquer. As long as I do that meditation, they are gone, gone, gone.

Jason's meditation can be found in The Sorcerer's Secrets: Strategies in Practical Magick. This link will take you straight to Amazon. His other book is Protection & Reversal Magick: A Witch's Defense Manual (Beyond 101).

Buy them. Buy them now. 


Disclosure: This blog is linked to Amazon. If you click a link and then buy anything from Amazon, I will make a paltry sum, like twenty cents or something. They send a check if I hit the $20.00 mark. Nothing will be recommended due to monetary gain!

Forgiveness II

A while back, I posted on Forgiveness.

Last night, I invoked Metatron and Sandalphon. Metatron to help me forgive. Sandalphon to both ground that and give wings to my prayer.

I was shocked to learn the first person I must forgive. I expect it to be myself but it was not. I am working on it.

I've been calling on Metatron more and more of late. Though, I've not posted about it. Metatron comes to me in stronger form than most angels.

Pantheacon Bound

My presentation on the Tarot Pips will be at Pantheacon this year. The tentative schedule was released to presenters with the provision it is not published as changes can occur. I wasn't exactly thrilled with my time slot but it was slightly worse last year and still 80 people showed up.

I was disappointed that one of my favorite annual events, Jason Mankey's Morrison Ritual, was not selected. It has become a Panthecon staple and a big draw. I am not sure why they would reject that one. I am all for giving folks a chance to present that are new and that may be the reason. Yet, Jason's act is so good, it is sad he got the ax.

Perhaps I Shouldn't

But I will...

Quotes and Other things

Check this heartwarming story here and then read the rest of this post. I will talk about it, after I ramble about some other stuff but check the story before continuing.

I haven't referred people to a specific blog post in a while. Long time readers will remember many a link to Jason Miller's blog. Here is one more. The thought as hit a few blogs of late but Jason nailed it right on the head. So, read this one when you have a moment. His post goes without comment.

I had a great morning thanks to understanding the Aces of Cups and Disks today. Work life is really good. I can't tell you how nice it is to say that.

Okay, now back to the first paragraph. What was wrong? Did you notice the word magical had to be in quotes? They reported on something magickal that happened. They had no other word for it. Yet, it had to be in quotes. Any news story about witches, magicians, and even one I saw a year or so back on druids had to have quotes around words I italicized here. How many times have you seen a group of "Christians" (who believe someone was impregnated spiritually and gave birth physically, how much more magickal can you get?), "Muslims" (who walk around a meteorite at least once in their lifetime), "Buddhists" (who believe in more magickal things that I've ever heard of) or "Catholics" (who perform god-eating every Sunday). Never.

Never because they'd never insult those religious/spiritual beliefs by playing quotes around them. Wink wink nod nod, none of this is real.

While they mean nothing by it (most likely), these subtle things can result in a loss of confidence in many new and aspiring occultists. Beware of these little things. Overcome them before they overcome you.

Amazed, Simply Amazed

It has been a busy weekend of blogging. Three days have resulted in six posts and Sunday isn't even over! I hope you can forgive one more.

This is an update over working with the Ace, King and Two of Pentacles.

Today, I have done the following:

Three loads of laundry. Cleaned the kitchen, including sweeping and mopping the tile floors, microwave, stove top, sinks, cleaned the under side of the washing machine lid (wtf?) and dealt with an annoying area of clutter in the bedroom.

Is this a big deal? For me, YES. I am not Mr. Clean. My house is not filthy but it can get cluttered and 'unclean'. Two days ago, I mopped the bathroom floor, cleaned the counter tops, both toilets and shower.

The only cluttered place is the kitchen table which is full of books as this is where I blog, write the book and surf. I could take care of it in less that five minutes.

My work has been going great and I have the cleanest most organized office of my life.

In two weeks, I've downed seven or eight salads, several bunches of grapes and other healthy things. Am I trying to eat healthy? No. I just am. I am attracted to good food.

I have paid an extra part of my car loan. It is just a token payment of intent really but it has been made.

For the most part, I am calm and centered. I am helping people without being overly pushy in several areas of my life and had received private thank you notes from more than one person. In connecting fire with earth, I am living a life of service like I have never done in the past. I am not making any heroic efforts but succeeding in simple little things. It feels good.

My fire has been channeled into earth as I rework the elements of all past initiations. The process of little changes have been amazing. Amazing. Practical as they are, they have calmed my spirit.

Forgiveness

Last night, before falling to sleep, I suddenly began praying to Metatron and my HGA to teach me to forgive. The desire was sincere. The result was fascinating.

Somehow I know that this came about because of my post last night regarding Gabriel. I am not sure why. Perhaps, I followed my own advice. The advice I often give to people going through the dissolution process of initiation is that when you find a personal thing that must be purified, one must speak it aloud. If you're too mortified to say it to another human, you at least have to say it to a mirror but another human is best. One can not keep it internalized and just think about it. One must say it. But I digress.

My entire physical body rejected the idea of forgiveness. I could feel muscle tension start. I could feel nearly every physical part of my body react in some adverse way. I had visions of unpleasant looking creatures. Some of them faded away. Some remained defiant. All of them looked a bit sad, as if they knew their time was numbered. One more food source gone. I have no doubt that some of what they represent via analogy or their actual spirit presence remains. I can live with that, for now.

I then experienced an odd dream. As many of you may already know, the HGA often first appears in dreams as an authority figure. Often that authority figure is a policeman. Last night, I dreamed that two of my good high school friends had broken into a gas station and called me to tell me about it. When I arrived the cop appeared. He asked me if I knew who was in there. I said no. He drew his gun and went through the door of one of the two buildings. When he returned, his fear was obvious. I told him I knew who was in the other building and I would take care of it. He was relieved. I hugged him tight and told him there was no reason to fear.

I then called my friends who had an amiable conversation with the cop.

Cut to the next dream.

This one is more vague but I remember being in a building and being asked to go someplace outside. I had to pass through rooms that belonged to commercially to other people. When I exited, I walked down a bright sunny path but was barred by a gate. The two children (ie sun card?) I was with passed through easily but I was stuck. There was a key but it was owned by someone else and unobtainable. The guardian to Tipereth? Don't know. There was no fear of any kind in this dream.

I then dreamed I was on a space ship of some sort. New life had just been encountered but no one that was trained to meet them presented themselves. I was standing at the airlock with the two children. The female was being way too amorous. I didn't return her attentions but even so, in mundane life, I'd have had a problem.

The doors opened to a brightly colored landscape full of sunshine. I can not recall the alien but he/she/it put me in mind of the guardian of Hod that I experienced some time ago. Could this be the guardian of Tipereth?

The final dream occurred in a bad area of town. It was full of warehouses and destroyed buildings. A murderer was on the loose. "We" were looking for him. Suddenly, a car rolled by with a dead body in the passenger seat. The car rolled by me and into view of the others. I immediately knew the crafty killer had just framed me. I was descended upon by the crowd and about to be shot. There was no fear on my part.

By the way, there is no truth to the idea that one can not die in dreams without dying in real life. Over the past year to year and a half, I've been killed in many dreams. I've witnessed people murdered. I've rescued them from murders. I think this may be an early reflection of the Death card. Could be wrong.

So, the first thought I had this morning was of forgiveness. My body reacted the same way but less so. This will be a work in progress.

Follow-up of Gabriel

In November, I posted regarding a lucid dream with the Archangel Gabriel. In the dream, I asked him to initiate me into his sphere. He morphed into the four phases of the moon. It was a pretty awesome visual. That same day, I had a psychic experience.

Since then, I've learned something. I've had many such experiences. I just didn't recognize them. I am not sure what I expected a psychic experience to be but it wasn't this.

The best examples come from my work. Imagine that with all the earth I've been working with. I've gained an ability to see what is coming. I know that someone that talked to me about something six months ago is suddenly going to bring it up again. I know the day someone is going to mention some project I put on the back burner. These are memories but with impeccable timing.

This fits into something Jason Miller said in a talk he gave in Fresno. He advised us to invoke Gabriel and ask us to make us right with time. I haven't ever been out of time as he described it. He said being out was constantly being told you just missed something good, arrived a minute after your friends had left etc.

Yet since, I've been more right with time. The so-called psychic experiences have just been one part.

This certainly wasn't what I expected but it is very cool.

Another facet has been my work with a particular plant. When it needs water or its artificial lights adjusted, I know it now. The thought appears in my head like a memory only it isn't my memory. It is like an emotional memory but the emotion is slightly foreign.

Anyway, that is my follow-up report for now.

Ripped Off from BJ Swayne

This is from BJ's Facebook with his permission, my italics.

Solomon for Thelemites

So, one of my ongoing arguments concerning modern magic is that many modern magicians miss the fact that much of what is included in contemporary magic and magical initiation systems is intended to prepare the student to become a magician and is not the be all end all of magical practice. Once the student reaches adepthood the real magic begins by synthesizing all those things learned before and using the new perspective and authority which initiation has conferred. Unfortunately for a lot of people it seems the goal is to just do whatever has them at the moment and they forget about knowing themselves, finding their angel, becoming adepts, or whatever else one would like to call it...let alone all the stuff that should come after that...

On Stupidity, Friendship and Respect

Lon DuQuette has come out with a holiday song, which I will not post. Go find it if you want. As many know, I'm a big fan of Lon. I think he gets a bad rap for being able to explain very complex things in a very simplified way. What most people do not realize or do not care to say is that the only way you can do that well is if you know it very well. A great deal of magickal complexity is mental masturbation. Gee, look at what I know! Whatever.

Those same people will hate my book on the tarot. Never mind, my simple approach turned my work life around on a dime. It obviously can't work unless it is complex.

I've seen WitchdoctorJoe control the weather very simply in a manner most of Lon's critics would decry. Who cares? It worked. I've seen Lon do absolutely nothing and make a man disappear. To my eyes, literally. Yup, the man is a hack.

Every time I've spoken to Lon, he'd demonstrated keen insight and spoken just above my leveling of understanding. Which forces me to think. He's also spoken of things at a higher level than his books. Which, I wouldn't have understood unless I'd both read them and done the work to gain a deeper understanding. I respect Lon.

Knowing the man and knowing the other songs he sings, I interpret his art in a particular way. Yet, even I cringed at this one. It is so unbelievably anti-Christian and mean sounding that I was taken aback. Given that I am a boarder-line Christian bigot, this reaction should be taken seriously. It is one thing to offend RO (see his post) when you rant against Christianity. Offending me, is a whole new level.

So, RO is going to throw out every book Lon ever wrote or some such thing. Assuming he had them as they were useful to him at some level, what happened? The words are suddenly less meaningful? If they were valued at all before this song, they should hold the same value. They didn't become more or less true.

I know Enochian Vision Magick opened the Enochian portal for RO. Is he going to close it now because Lon introduced it to him? I think that would be foolish.

So, some folks would terminate everything they have to do with Lon over this. Friends may walk away. If they do, they were never his friend to begin with.

RO and I are friends. Yet, RO has sent me some personal IMs that I found to be emotionally hurtful and mean spirited. I am still his friend. Why? Because any jackass can be any other jackass's friend when all is well. Friendship is hanging on to someone when they are being wrong or doing something wrong. It is not proper to support an action you feel is wrong even if done by a friend. It is proper to support that friend.

Yes, I will admit their are limits that each of us must set.

Americans are a pretty intolerant as a lot. Magicians need to be better. Magicians need to see the big picture, not a single action or belief. To end associations merely for one incident or even a small series of incidents makes us no better that Ted Haggard's friend's, who disowned him because he is gay or 'gayish' or acts out. They never stopped to realize how horrible their friend must feel to spout those beliefs and be unable to stop himself from acting in a contrary manner. Where is their compassion?

I've seen this a lot in the Work. Our mouths reveal our egos and our actions reveal our contradictions. It is hurtful but that is where the Great Work begins. So to my friends in the Work, I will not abandon you when you screw up. I will tell you when you're wrong but I will do it while standing beside you. We are all more than our mistakes. Isn't offering support in times like these the true measure of Love, Friendship, Respect and Compassion?

Lower Self

Some of you may remember posts about how I do not like my behavior at work. I've worked very hard on changing. I've had some acts of magick work to smooth some things out. Overall, I get a lot done and get it done well. My problem is that I vent my frustration at the obstacles that occur. They occur in any workplace. There is always someone with myopic vision that can only see their job, or some rule that prevents common sense, or some political move that is utterly self-serving. Sometimes, it is normal reality. For instance, we are facing tough economic times and that prevents me from purchasing equipment that would allow other people to do their jobs more efficiently.

Regardless, I get frustrated and I vent. Usually at other humans. Bad. I don't like it.

So, I saw a shaman friend who did a journey and told me to keep a journal which would eventually be used to evoke my lower self to appearance so that I may have a little chat. I'm not foolish enough to believe that one's lower self can be banished but, when I started, I did believe that I could control it. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps, the goal is understanding it.

The first couple of weeks I wrote in my journal on four subjects a day per the shaman's advice. Nothing new or riveting emerged, except that some stuff was hard to look at and type. No surprise there. Some stuff is hard to think about.

Then, I stopped. I literally forget to do it until I'm too tired to care or already in bed.

Tragedy right?

Nope.

I've also been working with a lot of earth. Mostly the Ace, King and two of the Thoth deck. Visualizations mostly. Visualizations born of the understandings provided by the Enochians and to be revealed in my book. Simple stuff. Absurdly simple. "Cutting edge tarot" as it was put by Lon DuQuette.

So, I've been using these cards at work and in the home.

I'm happy. I am a Leo. My hair is on fire half the time. There is always an argument just below the surface. Nope. Not now. I am happy. Why?

Earth.

There is a subtle connection between Earth and Fire or so the Golden Dawn teaches. I've found that. My work life has improved so much in organization alone that I'm simply not frustrated. I can be slightly overwhelmed. There are 18 items on my to do list for tomorrow. Some of them complex. But I'm not frustrated.

Earth. I understand earth and fire now. I am working with it.

After a while it will be air and then water and then recapitulation of fire. The cycle continues.

Why am I posting this today? Because today, I almost fell into it again. I almost expressed frustration but instead, I saw it coming. Today, I paused. Today, I channeled that energy into a tarot card filter. Today, it worked.

Car Pay-Off Magick

Will be done with the pictured card. Details to follow after the spell has been in operation for some time. Do not hold your breath. You will turn blue and fall down.

Twos represent a position of unstoppable success and are used magickally to exploit a position of being on the high ground (as in a battle). All the two's carry the same meaning colored by their suits.

For a detailed logical outline of why twos mean this, please purchase my book. Which has not been published yet but will be or see my lecture at Pantheacon 2010.

More on the Ace of Disks

I have been working quite hard with the tarot over the last few months. I'm actually in the process of writing a book on my discoveries. I've been combining my work with Jason Miller's course. That is not to say his course has anything to do with my book and my book has nothing to do with his course.

The Aces of Disks and Cups have figured heavily in this. I am not going to reveal what I've used them for but I will say that once you understand the meaning behind those cards, a simple visualization can have a huge and nearly instant impact.

But like anything else involving magick there are residual issues. Unexpected things happen that should have been expected.

For instance, in working with the Ace of Disks, my office and house have become more organized and cleaner. My mental self is very grounded. I have paid my bills a week early. I've worked out a budget that should pay off my car very early etc.

The point is that when you immerse yourself in an element, other things will happen that are within that element's purview. In working out my budget, I realized something. I use a rewards type credit card. I pay off my bills mostly on time. So, my end of month balance is pretty low. Given the cash back policy, I actually made nearly $200 by using credit cards this year! Now financial gurus will tell you never to use cards because you spend more with plastic than you to with cash. They are right. Yet this is certainly better than paying them interest!

So why bring that up here? One, because I am damn impressed with myself for making a profit off a credit card company. Secondly, because this does reveal I'm not exactly foolish with money.

This applies here because I've created an internal environment that consists of a measure of fiscal discipline. So what happens if I use that internal environment as a base for magick? I don't have to create financial discipline. I do not have to create income. I simply have to increase discipline into certain areas to pay off that car. Why use internal psychological magick? Because I could have done this before. I knew I could have but I didn't. Magicking up a small change of focus shouldn't take much effort at all. The ground work has already been laid. Lucky ground work!

This is where a variety of models comes into play. Do I really need an external spirit to do this? Unlikely. A bit of internal psychological model "energy" magick should work just fine.

An Ace and A God

I've been working with the Ace of Pentacles -- doing a bit of practical magick for a change. My work office and house are as neat and tidy as they've been in years (at least of my own doing). I feel like a Virgo!

On another note:

I sat at work yesterday and noticed my Ganesha statue. My Gal gave it to me some time ago. I had the thought that doing the offerings makes the gods and other spirits seem more real. The logical conclusion is they move closer so of course they are more real. There is a non-believing psychological reason as well. At any rate, I immediately left my office for a brief meeting. In that person's office I inadvertently walked off with the man's pen. I noticed when I returned to me office. There was a label taped onto the pen. Geniesha.

So, to the elephant god that rides a mouse, thanks for hanging around.

Enlightenment

I had a discussion the last night with a friend that said he didn't trust enlightenment. Once we got to talking, I realized that what he was doing wasn't all that far from what I was doing. The difference is I say that I seek enlightenment or Oneness and he says he seeks to understand. He is more comfortable with that word. That is okay by me.

When I started, I thought being enlightened was one big huge thing. Suddenly, you just knew, birds sang, trumpets sounded, maidens adorned your head with flowers etc. Well, it wasn't that bad but you get the idea.

Since I started, I've had little realizations. Small things really. Tiny moments of having a slightly better understanding of myself, the world around me, the gods, and the Great Universal It.

When I started, I was a huge schmuck. Now, I am much less of schmuck. Maybe I'm just a schmu. At least I may not rhyme with f--- anymore.

Jason Miller will tell you such work is faster through meditation. I have no basis with which to argue with him but I'm a magician not a monk. The trap, as previously mentioned in my recent post on the Golden Dawn, is that magick can be used to remain unenlightened.

It is possible to do something stupid and rather than learn from it, distract the world. It is possible to suffer consequences and then magick them away without examining the root the causes.

I can't tell you how many little spells, prayers and thoughts I've had over the course of the Work asking, What do I need to learn from this? It is a simple question that can yield hard answers. It is harder than doing magick.

For me, the most fun is when I encounter a situation in which I did the wrong thing and realized what I had done after the fact. Then as the universe keeps throwing the same situation at me, getting slightly better at it, noticing sooner but still failing etc. The first time one actually doesn't do whatever it is, is great. But enlightenment isn't marked by resisting temptation.

The marker is when you've been confronted again by the same set of circumstances make a totally different, and correct, decision without ever realizing it is the same situation AND never even being tempted to fall into the other habit. One is no longer tempted when that impure part of you is gone. The realization only comes when you look back and realize it was the same old test. That is fun. That is being enlightened. It is enlightened in only one narrow aspect of the self but enlightenment it is.

That makes it all worth it.

Weak Points

Jastiv asked about the weak points of magickal manifestation I mentioned in this post. I offered a short explanation in the comments section. Others may have had the same question and not seen that answer.

Weak points or paths of least resistance are really strong points. Let us say that I want to do magick to get a job that pays me more money. The easiest path of manifestation is through my current employment. Even if the spell is cast very generically, "get me a job that pays me more," the likelihood is that it will appear from within my current place of employment. If I have an in-law that owns a company that also may be a path of least resistance. These are actually strong points in my personal income generation potential. The are weak points magickally because the magick will flow through the place of least resistance.

To sure these weak points up, some people will place limits on the spell and say, "give me a job that pays more but not at Uncle Bill's Shoe Emporium." As Jason Miller pointed out some time ago on his blog, this weakens the force of the entire spell.

To avoid working for Uncle Bill. It may be better to pick a given industry. "Give me a job in the automotive field that pays better than my current job." This spell can not get to Uncle Bill as he is in the shoe business. The irony here can be that Uncle Bill just opened a division that sells steal toed boots to auto mechanics!

Thinking of these things ahead of time can allow you to focus on your strengths.

For example, if you know that the magick is more likely to flow within the confines of your current employment and you know what experience you have and you know a the companies needs, you may be able to manufacture a new position within that company with a few spells and well placed words. This fits Jason's saying, first the working and then the work. Only in this circumstance you can do the work, the working, some more work and some more working as you see the situation unfold.

Why Don't I?

Some time ago, I made modest offerings to generic spirits. I made offerings to the spirits of my home, the land surrounding my home, the spirits that helped me and the 'ultimate' spirit. At work, I made humble offerings as well. I made offering of energy, force, light, vril or whatever term RO wants me to use. It made me feel good. Yet, I stopped.

In taking Jason's class, I am again running into the offerings issue. I had to do some thinking as to why I stopped.

Part of it has to be that I've never found a spirit I really resonated with. I have found some that are pleasant enough but I'd not invite them over to a weekly dinner. I haven't really resonated with any god either.

This made me realize that my attitude toward spirits is the same as my attitude toward relationships. I'm not very good at them on any level. I try but I'm not. My reticence about spirits and forming deep bonds is a reflection on how I've dealt with humans. Though, in the human realm, I am really working on forming deeper friendships with folks. So, maybe that will reflect towards my attitude with spirits. I don't know.

The Path of Manifestation

I was speaking to the Druid today. Someone had asked him about a spell designed to gather information. The Druid told the person to consider a couple of things. First, what are the real motivations for getting the answers. The second was to consider how those answers may manifest and how that manifestation may affect others.

I am not going to go into the details of the spell but that last bit was ever so appropriate for the question being asked.

A lot of folks will just do the magick and spend very little time considering things like this. However considering them can lead to better results.

I have found that when I do thought form magick the reply always comes through the weakest point in the chain. My magick, though fiery, manifests like water by traveling along the route of least resistance. Knowing this, if I make careful consideration of what I'm doing, I can make appropriate changes. I will eschew considerations of others and use a purely practical example.

Were I of mind to do thought form magick with the intent of gaining another magickal teacher, I'd have to keep in mind the local folks I already know. Chances are one of them would show up. If I wanted them, asking them directly would be simpler. If I didn't want them, I'd have to make those 'weak' points stronger so that the magick would find another target.

Some Thoughts on the Golden Dawn

I read a blog post by RO the other day. He mentioned that he doesn't like most GD people because they don't do practical magick. Which leads me to the thought -- Who cares? The Golden Dawn does not exist to satisfy RO or anyone else aside from its members in the various independent orders. Frankly, I'd worry about any leader that ran an order to satisfy anyone -- member or not. That isn't the point.

I am not the leader of any GD type group. Come to think of it, I am not a leader of any occult order at all. So, please make no assumptions there. However, I've been around the block once or twice.

From my humble observations, the GD should be about personal alchemical growth. The original order didn't even teach magick in the lower grades. I've seen both approaches to GD work. Some that feel they should do any magick they wanted and some that did very little, except to prove to themselves results could be had via magick. I think they do this to validate their own initiatory experience. Deep down they may have doubts the magick of the initiations are impacting their lives. They may think theirs lives were falling apart before the initiations. They are right of course. However, if done right, the initiations kicks a few things over and causes general havoc in order to reveal something deeper. Yet they hold doubts deep down enough that they don't even know they have them. Then they do some magick, which usually goes wrong. Then they develop some faith magick works and that the people that 'cooked' them did it right.

Those folks that did magick generally used it to 'make their lives better' as RO suggests. One could watch them avoiding the consequence of initiatory fall out. One chap even believed he could avoid karma using magic. Maybe but most definitions of karma I've seen, even the ones many scholars disagree with, seem pretty long term to me. By avoiding the repercussions of life, they miss the personal alchemical lessons necessary for the Great Work to continue.

Those that don't 'interfere' with the dissolution processes by 'improving their lives' with magick, fall into two categories. They flame out and leave or they learn. Those that do interfere hang around. It is possible to rise to certain levels in the ranks and have learned very little internally. I am not sure I'd ever have occasion to call these folks Golden Dawn adepts (admittedly, I have an unusually narrow definition of the term). Though, I can easily see them as powerful mages.

My approach was to use the magick I was taught to enhance what I could learn from the initiatory fall out. Maybe someday, folks will call me adept. Not yet. I am a student and nothing more.

Nothing in this post should be taken as all inclusive. Everyone does the work in their own way. The fact that I can't see the point of some folks' approach means nothing other than I can't see the point. They fact that I value another approach likely means it is more like my own.

It is nearly impossible to judge another person's spiritual growth and dangerous to do so. That way can lead to arrogance and failure. Judging the value of someone's occult efforts by their use of magick in a way that fits your own model is also problematic.

I tend to agree with RO that at some point one should gain the wisdom to apply magic as a practical tool. On the other hand there are specialties of magick that solely focus on spiritual growth. I will not nay-say those adepts, quietly working away in obscurity.

Having just reread RO's post in question. He didn't say anything about the GDers use of magick but I'm sure he said it somewhere. So there!

He did make a comment about grade sashes causing ego inflation. Good! Let them. A few ego inflations followed by a few deflations seems to work just fine. Though, I've never seen a person focus on a sash in any such manner. I have seen another member of another group get all happy about a some bauble that was bestowed at another groups initiation. In my opinion, she blew up spectacularly. Then again, some how she managed to avoid the fallout...

Better Results

This morning, I combined a few things.

First, I took the advice of anonymous and worked all day yesterday on surrendering to some things. Work at surrendering? Yup. That is a tad contradictory but there you go. Most importantly, the back issues that make it difficult to hold the properly aligned positions that really make meditation hum.

Second, my 'best' meditations involved pour breathing. I did that too.

I will also add some cleansing things that worked when I was happier with the process.

Yes, Jason, I realize that much of this is looking for result but at the same time, if I can't sit up straight it makes the meditation really tough.

Results? My entire body recognized air. More important, looks at Jason, I was actually able to allow thoughts to rise and be dismissed rather than focusing on my physical discomfort. I also didn't feel frustrated that my mind so many distractions took place that there was no recognition. Yesterday, I may as well been holding a conversation as 'meditating'.

For those of you that haven't figured it out yet, I am taking Jason's on-line course. I may as well explain why a ceremonial magician would switch gears like that. I will make a separate post on that sometime this weekend.

Same Ol' Cycle

I've been working with Jason Miller's Pillar and Spheres meditation, which is great. I suggest you buy Strategic Sorcery and try it out. I've had great results but of late, they've tapered off. I've found in nearly impossible to get my mind to be willing to meditate for more than five minutes or so. This is a very annoying pattern to my work. Something works great, then I loose the handle. It can take me a long time to get it back.

This time, I am just going to be consistent and keep plugging away. No breaks.

Energy Raising

A day or two ago, I posted about thought form magick. In that post, I promised to make a list of energy raising techniques. This list is by no means all encompassing. I am sure others will be able to expand this quite easily.

Ecstatic States -- These can be achieved by engaging with everything from dance to flagellation to meditation. The method employed may or may not color the state itself depending upon the various factors of personality and the development of the practitioner. Trance states are included here.

Nearly everything that follows is just a variation of achieving an ecstatic state.

Personal energy -- I hate using the energy� word because one sounds like some New Ager but energy it is. As a ceremonialist, we raise our own energy through different processes, the most common of which is a rite called the middle pillar. Having raised the energy one tries to rise to the highest level of awareness one can (see ecstatic states) and then, either through prayer or technique, endeavor to use that energy. All of these change the practitioner's state of awareness but it can also attract a specific being when the proper technique for that being is employed.

Solomonic -- Those who practice from the ancient grimories tend to work themselves into a lather (for lack of a better phrase) by building themselves to be "God"� as in the Christian All-God. The technique though can be used in a variety of ways to assume the authority of the deity in question. Beware though that you pick one that doesn't mind you doing so. This is basically a specific form of an ecstatic state.

Evocation -- while some wouldn't call this energy raising, I am including it here. The point is calling a spirit to visible appearance and asking it to do something. Whatever that is employs the energy of the spirit which is why I mention it here.

Invocation -- bringing a spirit into oneself for communion, learning, and understanding or to use that ecstatic state and the knowledge/energy of that which is invoked to do the work required.

Chemistry -- this is not a term used in the occult but I use it to describe bringing like natural substances together to create a specific magickal effect.

Alchemy -- much like chemistry but with a much more internal goal in mind and using much more scientific-looking equipment in the process

Institutional -- Another term I have made up in which one joins an energy flow already in progress. This is like hanging around other creative types when one is learning art or writing or music. Just being around the same type of person you want to be helps attune you to the process. Of course, the inverse can be true. Know who you are hanging out with for you will become them and vis versa. To use this properly one must also contribute to the group. All take and no give results in Johnny being ejected from the energy pattern. Besides that, all take and no give is just selfish.

Necromancy -- I've never known anyone that did this. However, it sounds it could be related to vampirism in that energy is taken rather than raised. Necromancers can pull the energy from dead things. Anyone that has touched a compost pile and felt the heat knows that dying and decomposing creates its own type of energy.

Prayer -- prayer is very often eschewed in the pagan world and many feel too Christian doing it. Yet prayer has a long standing pagan history and, in my opinion, is least likely to offend the god of your choice. I've never heard of a god that is upset by being prayed to. However, I'm sure someone will correct me.

Prayer is not only responded to by spirits but can raise one to an ecstatic state. It is also a very kind way to do magick, in my opinion.

A good party! There are lots of gods that enjoy a good time had in their name.

Tap into local spirits, those puppies "know the lay of the land". this may be especially true in small towns with long histories. If you can tap into the underlying force of a small town, you could be a very influential person in local life, should you want to me. Is this energy raising? I could make an argument. I may lose it but I could make it.

Sex -- Yes, getting off alone or with a partner can do it but there is a lot more to sex magick than that. What? I don't know. I'm not into that but it seems obvious to me that this is the grossest form.

Plays -- you can certainly get into a zone as an actor and take your audience into a different state of consciousness. I've heard of one group that has acted out some of Crowley's rites to find the actresses in certain plays end up a bit whacked. So, if it can be done to ill effect, I'm sure it can be done with positive effect.

Until recently, I wouldn't have added meditation. A good proper meditation can raise and/or release a ton of energy.

Anyway, these are just some thoughts. I am no expert on all these techniques. Those of you that know of other techniques are encouraged to add them in the comments section.

I think my advice would be to get to know one or two really well and be done with it.

Thought Form Work

When I first started this blog part of my intent was to show those folks that have read about magick but hadn't done it or those folks that want to do magick but for whatever reason have not, that it can be done. I will give you a moment to reread that convoluted sentence.

Ready?

Not only that it can be done but should be done. I've tried to show that by simply posting what I am doing. I have hinted at a few acts of thaumaturgy (practical magick) but since the best way to influence events is via stealth, I only hint at where I'm going with something.

I mentioned to a friend not long ago that I started with energy magick. Specifically thought forms. I wasn't the type to 'influence' other parties back then, not that I'm all eager beaver for that now but then it was less so. I simply did thought forms to educate myself. I'd send them with instructions like, "What do I need to learn spiritually from the situation involving XYZ?" "Reveal to me my life pattern that I'm missing in situation ABC." "Help me understand the perspective of person X."

Thought forms are very helpful for this because they are already so deeply linked to yourself. One should take care because you will learn about parts of yourself that are not pretty to look at. Though, looking at those things is a necessary part of the Great Work.

How to make a thought form, also called artificial elementals:

Use some care in figuring out your question. It is likely you'll make a few mistakes along the way but try to make an effort up front. "Teach me what I need to know," is too broad. Be specific. "Teach me what I need to learn about why I can not hold a job." "Reveal to me the pattern of my own behavior that results in job loss."

Do some research. Learn what a void course of the moon is. Before you do your spell make damn sure you're not doing it within a void of course moon. Ever. Or at least until you've learned how to work within that odd space. If you can not see, feel or otherwise perceive energy fluctuations, you can not work within a void of course moon. If you can perceive those things but are new to thought forms or magick, you should still avoid void of course moons.

Forget about planetary times, tattwic tides, moon phases and astrological timing. Just do it. Later, add those factors in. If you're going to do any of those things, learn about moon phases as use them accordingly.

Pick a name for your creation. I often use bad Latin from many of the free on-line translation services.

Determine how long this thing should live. Just as humans have a given number of heart beats, so should anything you create in this way, especially when learning. Make sure you include something in your rite that kills your child. For instance, "Do X then disperse back into the cosmos at the next new moon." Use moons, not dates."

Pick a shape. I used a lot of shapes related to air for this sort of thing as it has to do with communication and the mind. Tattwas are good but so are a host of other shapes and objects. Don't do humans. The shape should be three dimensional.

I'd recommend that beginners use elemental energies and use an appropriate shape for that. If you're going to use fire energy, a candle shape would do. It doesn't have to have a means for locomotion like a physical object. Do not use human shapes.

Banish. Jason Miller will tell you that it isn't necessary to banish for every act of magick. He's likely right. Banish anyway. Banish the microcosm and the macrocosm (LBRP and BRH). The point here is that you are trying to learn about yourself. Given that you are with you every day, the only reason you haven't learned this lesson already is that you are in the way. Banish the bullshit. Banish the things that get in your way. Banish the influence of your glands and your parent's projected desires. Make yourself empty of all but the need to learn.

Raise energy. I often use the middle pillar but not always. Do some research. Figure out what works best for you. I will post again about some ways to raise energy.

Hold your hands about 5 inches apart and allow the energy form into a ball between your hands. Change it to the color that corresponds with the energy you've chosen. Yellow is good for air workings. Mold it into a shape.

Say something like "I name you "X" go and do "Y" successful or not in your mission disperse to the cosmos at the next full moon/new moon/quarter moon. Just make sure you give your offspring enough time to work.

Literally push the your creation in the direction you feel it should go.

Many people will tell you to banish here. I suppose you can. I don't. Why would I want to banish that which I just created? Why would I want to immediately block any path of return it may use to me?

Give all other spirits attracted to the ritual the license to depart.

Don't go looking for the answer. It will come to you. It will likely be a sudden realization. Often it uses something similar but not exactly related to the question to make its point. Other times not.

When you get your answer. Believe it. Act on it. Otherwise your pissing on your own magick. The powers that be don't like that.

As a final note, don't worry about it if you can't see, feel or otherwise perceive the 'energies' of magick. Just do it. Convince yourself they are there. When I first used this approach, I couldn't visualize a thing. I couldn't feel energy. This exercise worked every time.

Words from Regardie

"The result which the Magician above all else desires to accomplish, is a spiritual reconstruction of his own conscious universe and incidentally that of all mankind, the greatest of all conceivable changes. The technique of Magic is one by which the soul flies, straight as an arrow impelled from a taught bow, to serenity, to a profound and impenetrable repose.

But it is only man himself who may tauten the string of the bow; none else may accomplish this task for him. It is of course in the qualifying clause that lurks the flaw. "Salvation" must be self-induced and self-devised."

-- Israel Regardie, The Tree of Life

Not So Much in the Feet

Last night, I posted about sensing things through my feet. I tried the same today. No dice. I got nothing. I did recognize my mind once to try fill in the blanks but that was obviously not the same thing.

However, I did pull up energy out of the earth all day as I walked. It put me in a good mood. I noticed some things that I feel I need to keep to myself for the moment.

Last night during the meditation, I noticed the energy on my left was an ugly yellow. It was white on my right. Nothing felt right that I pulled from above. Things felt fine when I pulled from the earth. I immediately new that I was meditating during the void course of the moon. I checked and I was.

Interesting Effects

I've been doing the pillars and spheres meditation from Jason's book, Strategic Sorcery. The results have been interesting.

Many months ago, I posted about feeling things through my feet. I've begun doing this again. I've had the following results:

In a Uncle Harry's Bagel Shop: Swift Commerce
In a grocery store: Old Commerce
In a Subway Sandwich Shop: Pain/Old Earth. This was curious as I figured a few decades of 'bad neighborhood' couldn't damage the earth that way. I think someone was murdered nearby. I draw that conclusion because it felt the same as it did the one other time I felt that. That impression was very reliably confirmed.
In my office: Place of Labor
In the long empty office in the same building: Work Unit
On the grounds of my work place: Fading Pain. The sight has long been used as a hospital. In fact, there are two retired hospitals. The pain I felt was the grieving of the living for the recently dead. It was not the pain of the mental patients we serve now. Interesting.

I am finding it interesting how I can feel a difference in the energy at my feet and that different feel is instantly translated into words. The words are always something other than my preconceived notions of the place. Though, sometimes related. I can't say it was a stretch for Uncle Harry's to be swift commerce. But the word was swift and I was expecting successful. Others were much different than I expected. My general policy is to trust intuition that runs counter to my preconceived ideas.

I am not sure how to make this practical yet. However, the practice alone is fascinating.

My back has been horrendous of late. Really bad. It hasn't been this bad in over six months. Last night, I used the skills gained from the meditation and felt my own energy. I then tried to straighten the obvious detours that were either causing the pain or the result of it. I feel much better today.

I have also noticed that even in pain, if I walk and consciously draw power from the earth, I feel better. I can walk easier. This does take some concentration but not a great deal considering how new I am to the practice.

Golden Dawn and the Tarot

I have seen it written among the blogs and I believe elsewhere that the Golden Dawn was first to link the tarot with spiritual pursuits. Prior to this, the tarot was used for fortune telling.

My research of late has found this to be incorrect. Papus wrote Tarot of the Bohemians (1892) in which he outlined how the major and minor arcanas both reflect the tetragrammaton. Though, he was a member of the Golden Dawn Paris temple. I find his book curious as not only does he not mention the tree of life but his system of numerations does not compare to same. Then again, I am only a third of the way through. It was fun to see the link between Papus's diagrams and Tyson's diagrams on on the interplay of forces associated with the tetragrammaton.

Alphonse Levi was the first to link the tarot to the tree of life. While his associations were somewhat altered by the Golden Dawn. Given that he died before the Golden Dawn was founded, it is safe to assume that the Golden Dawn built on his work, not the other way around. It is possible there various people knew one another. For instance, Levi died while Mathers was in his twenties.

In the 16th century Jacob Cammerlander outlined the moral and spiritual associations with each of the tarot pips. Given the Golden Dawn was founded in 1888, it is unlikely that he appropriated their concepts.

This is in no way to say that the Golden Dawn folks didn't have a huge influence on the way many of us look at tarot cards merely they were not the first to connect the tarot to a spiritual practice in print. Given the spiritual/religious connection can be traced back to the 16th century, I believe it is safe to assume many an unknown practitioner found a similar use for the cards long before the Golden Dawn was conceived.

A Tad Embarrassing

I've been keeping this shadow self journal for only two days. I am literally getting anxious about going to bed. It is a like being a little kid all over again.

How do I know this is from that journal? I have no idea. I just do.

Couldn't Sleep Due to Rock in My Head

The shaman gave me a stone he said would help me when working with my shadow. I was not sure what to do with it. So, I decided to leave it next to my laptop so it could 'help' me as I write out the journal. When I went to bed, that didn't feel right. So, I placed in my temple room. That room has a double cubical altar and four side altars for the elements. I placed the stone on the earth altar.

Upon laying down I felt nervous. My heart was racing. My blood pressure felt up. I felt sickly. I couldn't sleep. After an hour or two of this noise, I removed the obsidian from the temple and placed it back on the kitchen table next to the laptop.

I nodded off quiet easily.

The New Blog

I was impressed with the Druid's blog in that on his third post, he put himself out there. He did some magick and posted without knowing the results. A lot of folks post only successes. The Druid is not afraid to expose himself as a long term student of the arts magickal. I find that to be pretty cool.

Meditation

Did the pillar and spheres meditation in the temple room tonight. My concentration was pretty good. Oddly, I had a vision of two upper middle age black women encouraging me when I was doing the air sphere. It was hard to keep from laughing. I am assuming these were just phantoms/illusions but it was a bit out of the blue for me.

During this meditation, water became more real and I could smell the earth. This time I didn't want to have all that energy running through me as I tried to sleep. So, I shoved it into the earth with the focused thought of saving money. We'll see.

Mixing Things Up

I noticed something in this weekend's activities that must be commented up. In times past, I'd say such things were a mistake. Now, it is part of my unifying structure at work.

There is something called the Law of Contagions. In a nutshell the law states that those things that touch one another can influence each other even when they are apart. This is how sympathetic magick works. Give someone a lock of your own hair, fingernail clippings, etc and they can 'link' back to you quite easily.

This law is easily observable in human behavior by observing our ideas. I have ideas that I learned from folks I haven't seen in twenty years but still impact my personality and point of view.

The law of contagions applies in greater force in proportion to intimacy of contact. By this I do not mean physical intimacy but how deeply the contact strikes the psyche. For instance,reading a book may have no impact at eighteen but that same book may deeply influence that same person at twenty-one. Even if the book is never reread, its influence persists because the person was in a deeply receptive mode, as receptive applies to the particular ideas, emotions, or other inputs offered by said book.

So, why do I bring this up now?

I have been struck by the kindness and good will of many people I saw this weekend. Those themes have continually played in my mind. I've wondered why I'm on this particular mental loop. Then it struck me.

The Druid that journeyed for me is a very kind soul. Given that I was very open to his suggestion going into the particular working, his kindness resonated within me. The law of contagion at work. Gee, I wonder why my HGA sent me to him.

Inversely, My Gal had gone to him a few months ago for healing her asthma. She was cured instantly. She reports that the Druid then mentioned blogging to her. Once the Druid interacted with me, his blog appears. Perhaps the law of contagion applying itself again? First the seed is planted with the asthma healing and the seed was watered doing his journey for me.

This is a natural process and should not be feared. However...

The Alexandrian Wiccans I used to circle with had a rule they called "proper person". It is a term I bristled against until I learned their meaning. Proper didn't mean good or bad. It meant sane or not. You don't circle with crazy people because the law of contagion applies. Perhaps their method of working made such connections so intimate that the law had a huge impact.

Many of today's neopagans could learn something from the Alexandrians on this point. Neopagans will hop into almost any ritual without caring that they are circling with some pretty unhinged people. I can leave it up to the imagination on what happens should the law of contagion come into play.

Meditation

I've been doing this daily and have noticed a couple of things:

First, I noticed that how thoughts are getting interrupted automatically. I realization that their is a thought 'to eat'. Then it is followed with, "where did that come from? I am not hungry."

The second thing I've noticed is that when thoughts interrupt my meditation and I stop them they are occasionally replaced by an image. The image appears unrelated to the interrupted thought but it has the same emotional impact. This occurs even when the image is utterly benign. If I stay focused on the image for just a bit, I could see some action in the seen or action would move into the scene making the emotion of the image clear. I am not sure if that is to explain the emotion or if it just a buried part of the scene.

Shadow Work

I completed the first day of writing at 5:15 PM. I was surprised by a couple of items on the list and a couple that are not on the list. It is hard to describe the feeling I have. I'd almost say that I'm opening up to a higher plane but it doesn't feel quite like that. The emotional feeling is not being fully expressed. I can feel the suppression of pain.

New Blog/New Work

There is a new blog that went up last night. I have added it to my blog list on the lower right of the page.

The fellow that writes it is one of the nice guys of the occult community. He went from Wicca to Druidism over the years and does a lot on healing work. I've known him a bit less than a year. I am not sure what to say about him except that, like me, he is very much focused on what he does. I will let you learn about him as he writes.

He is the person I went to this weekend and asked about an issue I have. He did a journey and rather than solving my problem for me, he came back with a set of instructions for me to follow. I was a tad disappointed that I didn't have a solution simply handed to me as I've seen the results of his instant healing work. On the other hand, the fact that he didn't showed me a couple of things.

First, when he said my HGA spoke to him during the journey, I believed him because the tone of what was said sounds very much like my HGA. Secondly, my quiet of late HGA is being very loud in telling me as I write this that they did speak.

Second, he is wise enough to follow the advise of someone's else's spirit rather than imposing his own solutions. I know the Druid would have liked to help directly but he listened for guidance instead. That is a mark of wisdom and experience.

The advice he gave is how to deal with my shadow self or what I call my lower self. Recently, I was given the name of my lower self. I didn't quite know why but I made sure I didn't forget it. Then, I start learning how to work with the lower (but not less divine) realms of magick doing Jason's meditations. Next I'm told I have to deal with this character by the Shaman/Druid. I love the synchronicities of magick.

My task is to write a very specific journal on a nightly basis and two months his evoke my shadow and have a chat. I really doubt I will be posting the journal. I will be posting about the journal and the rest of this work. This may be quite the trying ride.

Thanks Due

We visited some friends in Bakersfield this weekend.

"L" loaned me two satchels of books to aid my research. Including three first edition Mary Greer books as a gift! Awesome.

"A" allowed us to stay at her place.

"K" had a great time her surprise party that was mostly family and just a few friends.

"D" provided a shamanistic experience and a professional massage.

My Gal did all the driving.

Expect the research gleaned from the loaned books to be presented here from time to time as fun facts.

The shamanistic instructions will be played out here as well.

Coincidence?

I've been learning to draw power from the earth. The sensations and perceptions have been most interesting.

From a Uncle Harry's bagel, I felt the thrum of a fast paced business. In a grocery store I felt the earth where monetary exchanges have happened for a very long time. In a Lowe's, I could feel the excitement of customers about to purchase their new toy.

My electric meter malfunctioned tonight. The entire house lost power. I had to have PG&E come out. It was fried. They had to replace it. The fellow said it was not uncommon with the new *smart* meters. Hard to tell if this is a coincidence or not.

The household spirits are not being helpful in clarifying matters but I'm on a lot of pain medication tonight. This too is unusual and I'm not sure if it is a coincidence or not.

Remember

Take a moment to remember the heros. Below is my traditional Veteran's Day post that I make on the local boards.

Veteran's Day is here. While many of us do not approve of they way our armed
forces have been used in many circumstances, I believe it is good to remind ourselves that the armed forces are made up of individuals whom are trying to do the 'right thing'. These men and women serving today are not so different from those that served in the past.

My father's father was stationed in Germany immediately after World War II. They
lived near Supreme Allied Command Europe Head Quarters. As young boys my dad and his friends would sneak into the basement of the building (the times were different then) and watch captured German war footage. He once told me that the images he saw were worse than anything shown on television about the holocaust. Right there he
said, "Never again."

After high school, he enlisted in the army and after basic was asked if he
wanted to volunteer. "For what," he asked. There was no meaningful reply. He
said yes and found himself in counter intelligence school. At around the age of
twenty, during the height of the cold war, he walked in the streets of Russian
cities not knowing a word of the language and accomplished his tasks. I once
asked him how he managed to blend in. He said, "I just kept telling myself I am
a Russian. I am a Russian."

Alone, he walked through snow covered mountains, was dropped into inhospitable desserts and was once the only agent to get in and out of Romania alive. Unlike many heroes that acted on a spur of the moment impulse,this hero consciously chose each life threatening mission, as every mission was strictly volunteer. He actively chose to risk his life -- routinely. He didn't do this for the GI Bill, money for college or anything else. He did it because of a boyhood promise. Never again.

People like this never retire until their bodies do. He worked missions long
after he left the military for medical reasons. "Never again," he said.

Much later in life he once told me that it wasn't until many years later that he
realized all our enemies were 'over here.' My father ascribes to no religion but
would and has put his life on the line to make sure that you can practice yours.

So on this Veteran's Day remember my father and the many men and women like him
that have served this country for the right reasons, for honorable reasons and
because they are heroes. What would the world be like if we were all half as
brave?

-- A Proud Son

Take a moment to thank a vet. Those of us who have not put ourselves in harms
way can not imagine the sacrifices they have made for us.

Jolt!

I tried a meditation exercise from Jason Miller's book strategic sorcery tonight. Actually, I liked it the first time so I did it again a couple hours later.

The effect were awesome. I could feel how one side of my body registered atavistic energy and how the other side blocked it. Then I felt that other side allow the movement of the Cthonic. Awesome. I've been a lot more sensitive to energy of late but this was very very specific.

Several hours later, I'm still buzzing and awake. I should have been asleep two hours ago.

Research Needs

I am looking for two research items.

I want to find something that covers the four worlds of the qabala Atziluth,Briah, Yetzirah and Assiah in detail. I'd prefer qabala but I'd settle for kabbalah.

I'd also like to read something about the permutations of the tetragrammaton.

If anyone has any book recommendation, web sites, or anything that will help me gained some more detailed knowledge of these subjects, I'd appreciate it.

Those that supply this information can ask RO for a discount on his new courses. Of course, he won't give it to you but you can ask!

Simple Lesson

This stands on it own. It is only a paragraph.

http://www.tricycle.com/blog/?p=1616

Wounded Psychic

Last night I had a dream in which was the beginning of a nightmare. I immediately became lucid, vibrated Gabriel and became non-lucid as the scene changed to reveal Gabriel. I became lucid again and asked him if he would initiate me into his sphere. In a very kind compassionate voice, he said, "Of course." I then saw him morph into three aspects that reflected phases of the moon and then the dream went dark and ended.

Today, My Gal had to drop something off for me. She was much later than I expected but I knew as soon as she entered the parking lot and acted on that knowledge by walking out to met her. Thirty seconds later she phoned to tell me she was there, a fact I already knew.

This is the first time I've had a spontaneous psychic knowledge that was actionable. In the past, I've called my psychic skill those of a dead psychic. This means that I would know that a phone was about to ring and who was calling a half second before the phone rang. With the same warning that someone was about to put a gun to my head, I'd not have time to react. Hence, the 'dead psychic' line.

This time, if someone had put a bomb in the building, I'd have lived but still been close enough to be wounded. I've upgraded my experience from 'dead' to 'wounded'. (GRIN)

My Work of Late

This is just a general catch up post about what has been going on lately.

I spent a lot of time working on the Tarot Pips class. I laid my theory of the pips and court cards to positive response. This is book worthy stuff.

As part of that work, I've been sleeping with various tarot cards under my bed and doing some praying as I do so. This has resulted in some odd dreams.

With the Ace of Cups, I had a prophetic dream.

The Ace of Swords resulted in nothing but I had went to bed way too late that night and my dream cycle wasn't very strong.

The Ace of Cups (again) resulted in a dream where I was in the middle of the four Enochian elemental tablets and trying to step on to each. A being on each pushed me off. This fits very well with my work as I've worked with only the tablet of union. I haven't called any of the kings of the tablets. Why would they let me on? I will be working with more Enochian soon.

With the Knight of Cups (Thoth) I had dreams about a person from a former group who spoke about his 'return'. There are many analogies to that but I don't know which one is correct. So, I will simply wait to understand if that was an anomaly or a about something more important. There were also some erotically tinged dreams. Both of these fit into my definition of the Knight of Cups.

When we gave Lon DuQuette a ride back after my tarot class in Bakersfield, he confessed that it gave him so new ideas. He even conceived a form of Enochian work that may take my work to the next level. I will give his idea a try and report back here soon.

I've been fighting with my HGA a bit. Yes, I know that is stupid but I haven't quite evolved past that yet. I want to focus my magick on learning a skill. Yes. Obtaining that skill is part ego driven and part necessary for the furtherance of my work. He is saying no. My work must involve writing that book on the tarot. Bah! I have tried but I simply do not seem to have the discipline. Maybe that is the point. Who knows?

I've disbelieved my HGA and did a ton of tarot readings. They all come out the same. What I want to do is pointless given the techniques I'm considering. What I don't want to do, is what will work. I will continue to try to develop that discipline and write the book.

Tarot Pips Class Part Duex

Well, the first tarot class with the power point presentation went quite well. The second one was not so hot. There were a couple of problems.

1)I took something that needed 30 visuals and reduced it to a few handouts and poster boards. This made things awkward and choppy.

2)Since I tried to rewrite to be okay without visuals but didn't put in huge amount of effort to do so, it fell flat

3) The first audience was more inclined toward the qabala. The combination of qabala and new ideas was too much for audience. I should have toned it down for the audience.

Overall it was a learning experience.

Good News: I can now study and write what I want and I am going to seriously delve into some some study and doing some magick. The latter will likely be documented here. The former will likely be documented elsewhere.

Note: I know how much work I have to put into a class. When I steal someone's material, I give them full credit like any good researcher should. However, stealing someone's whole book and putting it on torrent is something else. If someone did that to me, I'd curse him and I don't curse. Someone was dumb enough to that to Frater RO. Someone is going to quickly understand the junction point of demonology and proctology. Go get 'em RO!

Extreme Solution

There is a magickal talent I want that I have failed to obtain. I'm tired of failure. I am considering some conventional ritual work to get this done. I am also considering contacting the spirits of the Domarum Mercurii.

Retaliation

Frater RO posted a link to a blog that I found humorous in its arrogance. I liked this line the best "Make absolutely clear that no “laws” will prevent retribution that exacts from them at least ten times more pain than they have caused."

This makes some fundamental assumptions that I disagree with.

I have caused pain in people's lives. There were times when I should have known better. There were other times when I was just oblivious. Other times, I have tried to avoid causing pain and did so anyway. There have been times where I've caused pain (from the other person's point of view) and I'm clueless as to why they feel pain.

I can not think of a single instance in my life where I actually woke up and said to myself, "I am going to cause pain to person X." What good decent human being does that? Well, apparently, the author of the post thinks intentionally causing pain is a good thing as it discourages the causing of more pain (or so I assume). No. It actually causes more.

Why do people cause pain? Let us put aside the mentally ill (with compassion) and the asshole who actually enjoys causing emotional pain. In my life as an adult, my observation has been there are very few of the latter relatively speaking.

What of the rest?

Much anger and upset is the result of variances in expectations. Everyone has dated someone that hide higher expectations of romance than one can meet. That other person gets hurt every time. There is hardly a cause for retaliation times ten!

Sometimes expectations are wildly different. I once felt emotional pain not when women turned me down for dates but because she lied to me to do it. I'd have felt much better had they just said "no thank you," rather than making some social excuse. While I expected truth, they were trying to spare my feelings OR they simply lacked the backbone to say no. Either way, my expectations caused my pain. They were not trying to hurt me. So, should I follow this guy's advise and cause ten times the pain I felt? No. Yet, this example matches his point. A lie caused pain therefore retaliation is in order.

People are hurt by layoffs at work. Assuming the causes are purely economic in origin and the result of no illegal or immoral activity, should those people on the unemployment line go burn down the business owner's house? No.

There are a million more examples of pain caused purely for accidental reasons. Retaliation is never appropriate.

Lets move on to over the top reactions. Let's say someone gets the wrong change in a grocery store and rather than politely pointing this out the person has a tirade. His or her yelling and screaming is emotionally painful to the sales clerk. There are several options.

One, we could teach the obnoxious bore that an accidental five dollar short doesn't deserve that kind of response by stealing his shoes causing him to spend fifty to replace them.

Two, we could do violence unto him so that he no longer shouts at people.

Three, we could escort him out of the store and tell him not to return.

Four, we could empathize, for all we know the man just lost a job and is terrified financially. For all we know he suffered a severe beating as a child for not coming home with the right change. We have no idea what this person has been through. We could refrain from judging him a brute and simply see a flawed and wounded human being.

Five, with four in mind, we try to talk to the person and treat him better than he treated us.

Six, we could reflect upon our own past behaviors and learn how to improve ourselves.

We could take the writer's advice and perform the necessary actions to make items 1 and/or two happen. But what if four is true? By upping the pain level this guy feels, we've put him in a higher state of anxiety on the issue. While we've likely decreased our chance of him causing us pain, we've increased it for the rest of society. Even if four isn't true and he is just a jerk, what have we done? We've increased his pain level, which will be externalized on the next hapless clerk. So, we've harmed another by proxy. Wonderful.

Item 3, is the default in my mind for a kinder society. Defuse the situation.

Four and Five are acts of compassion. Does our author find this to be weakness? Perhaps. It is only weakness if you have no backbone and are never willing to stand up to extremes. I've committed some acts of compassion that some would feel extraordinary and been burned hard but I'd rather the occasional burning than the cold heart of one that needs to retaliate against every perceived offense.

There is a line in the Golden Dawn Neophyte ritual that I try to apply, "Unbalanced mercy is but weakness that allows evil to flourish; Unbalanced severity is but cruelty and barrenness of the soul."

Six should be the default for every spiritual person no matter what other action is taken. When we improve ourselves we cause less pain in others.

The goal of my life as a magician is to make the planet a slightly better place. Given that I am as flawed as the next fellow, my hope in doing that lay with the balanced approach of the Golden Dawn with a slight lean toward the merciful side of things. When in doubt I am merciful. Where no doubt exists about intentional infliction of pain, I have every right to be severe. Yet, how often can we be that sure of someone else's intent? Often, it is merely our own expectations, judgmental attitudes and personal whims that claim to be without a doubt.

My personal out clause is this. Some people can be good people in many respects but their particular issue is so toxic to my issues that I can not tolerate them in my sphere. These people (very few of them) I excuse from my life but I do so with the realization that I have an 'issue' that must be addressed as well. The people that retaliate are unlikely to see their own issues. And are therefore doomed (assuming they are not perfect) to cause pain to others through their own ignorance. I wonder if they feel that retaliation times ten is appropriate in reverse? Usually not.


Note: When I was done with this, I realized it could have been organized better. It is late. I am going to leave it as is. Sorry folks.