I sat down to try to pound out some words on the book I am writing when I felt called to the temple room. Perhaps not so oddly, just prior to that, I was compelled to reinstall the household protections I had to move for the repairman today.
I sat down in my customary chair before the Enochian holy table. Metatron appeared. He again asked me the question, "How do you want your spirituality [soul] to manifest?" I said through forgiveness. He said no. That is a step. He then gave me three "choices". I said yes to them all, instinctively.
I then saw the Tree of Life. The focus shifted to the supernals. These are the three uppermost sephiroth. They represent the Greater Neschemah collectively. The highest aspect of the soul. They are called Keter (Crown), Chokmah (Wisdom) and Binah (Understanding). He renamed them or, more appropriately, revealed my incarnation's names for them. The 'choices' were the names. I can see so much now.
I was told that I will forgive. I prayed that I could. By now, Metatron was no longer before me but upon me. A laser-like light from his heart landed upon the "rock of unforgiveness" in my belly. "You will forgive," he said. I prayed I would. Soon, I was naming names mentally. There wasn't very many of them. I haven't had a very trying life. Somethings didn't require individual names. They were more like zeitgeists, I suppose.
Then, I said them verbally.
The lightening bolt flash through me. Touching each sephira. I understood that each of these has a personal name too. Just like the tarot now has a more personal meaning than ever before. These names were not provided but I know I have them. I was told to invoke each archangel of the sephira in one ritual, from Keter down. Metatron said these are separate beings, external, and yet within me. There is no contradiction in that.
Metatron told me that before the study of the Tree was the study of an idea, a form. Now the Tree is my microcosm.
Every synapse in brain fired.
I prayed that the forgiveness was real that it would manifest and be actualized.
I cry as I type. For what? Beauty? I do not know.
Metatron gave me a task to do to manifest and actualize the forgiveness. It makes sense as it involves all three names given for the supernals. To the uninitiated, it would make no sense at all. It will take a while.
Metatron then drew a sword and and plunged it straight down through me. Repeatedly. He told me that some things had to go. That it would hurt and that I would be "unhappy" with him for it. I believe him. At the moment, I do not care. I am sure I will.
The three names make sense. I can see how they've tried to manifest before and how I've misapplied them. The tarot aces may have taught me how to apply them properly or, at least, one technique for doing so that will serve me well for a time.
I am in such ignorance and yet see more now.
I feel quiet. Stunned. Unsure of what to do with myself. Peaceful. Tired. Yet, I could stay this way. I could feel this way forever and be just fine.
This experience has not actualized yet. At this moment, it has but it is up to me to make it real long term. I will strive to do so.