Lower Self

Some of you may remember posts about how I do not like my behavior at work. I've worked very hard on changing. I've had some acts of magick work to smooth some things out. Overall, I get a lot done and get it done well. My problem is that I vent my frustration at the obstacles that occur. They occur in any workplace. There is always someone with myopic vision that can only see their job, or some rule that prevents common sense, or some political move that is utterly self-serving. Sometimes, it is normal reality. For instance, we are facing tough economic times and that prevents me from purchasing equipment that would allow other people to do their jobs more efficiently.

Regardless, I get frustrated and I vent. Usually at other humans. Bad. I don't like it.

So, I saw a shaman friend who did a journey and told me to keep a journal which would eventually be used to evoke my lower self to appearance so that I may have a little chat. I'm not foolish enough to believe that one's lower self can be banished but, when I started, I did believe that I could control it. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps, the goal is understanding it.

The first couple of weeks I wrote in my journal on four subjects a day per the shaman's advice. Nothing new or riveting emerged, except that some stuff was hard to look at and type. No surprise there. Some stuff is hard to think about.

Then, I stopped. I literally forget to do it until I'm too tired to care or already in bed.

Tragedy right?

Nope.

I've also been working with a lot of earth. Mostly the Ace, King and two of the Thoth deck. Visualizations mostly. Visualizations born of the understandings provided by the Enochians and to be revealed in my book. Simple stuff. Absurdly simple. "Cutting edge tarot" as it was put by Lon DuQuette.

So, I've been using these cards at work and in the home.

I'm happy. I am a Leo. My hair is on fire half the time. There is always an argument just below the surface. Nope. Not now. I am happy. Why?

Earth.

There is a subtle connection between Earth and Fire or so the Golden Dawn teaches. I've found that. My work life has improved so much in organization alone that I'm simply not frustrated. I can be slightly overwhelmed. There are 18 items on my to do list for tomorrow. Some of them complex. But I'm not frustrated.

Earth. I understand earth and fire now. I am working with it.

After a while it will be air and then water and then recapitulation of fire. The cycle continues.

Why am I posting this today? Because today, I almost fell into it again. I almost expressed frustration but instead, I saw it coming. Today, I paused. Today, I channeled that energy into a tarot card filter. Today, it worked.