Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Metatron Changes

The Metatron experience may be so profound as to have a life labeled PM and AM -- Prior to Metatron and After Metatron.

I've prayed three times a day since then. I light a small candle in my bedroom and say a few words and listen. I've prayed before but worship has never been my style. I've never understood it before and am still a bit uncomfortable with the word. There are two aspects to this prayer, worship and unity. I am left with a feeling of peace. It isn't an all encompassing peace but I have to push deep inside to feel the discord that remains within my body. I feel that this discord will not last much longer, relatively speaking.

Small behavior patterns have changed. Today, I was preparing to get a bagel. I was going to stick my head under the shower so I could get my hair to stay in one place, get the bagel and return home to shower. It takes a bit of time to get the shower warm enough to stick my head under. I was then asked or asked myself, if this action was harmonious with one of the names I was given. The answer was no. So, I showered fully and then obtained the bagel.

This isn't earth shattering but the thoughts that lead to this behavior change were completely new.

Upon my return from delicious bagel consumption, I thought of Jason Miller's story of a woman's "personal tsunami". She had compared a minor personal event with the recent tsunami that killed hundreds of thousands. The first time I heard the story, I wanted to bitch slap the woman. Now, I feel sorry for her. Someone once told me not to think light of puppy love "because it is real to the puppy." This woman must have been truly unhinged and ill-equipped to deal with any sort of real life.

Thoughts that didn't feel like mine then intruded and pointed out all the tsunamis that happen every day. Humans may wipe out an ant hill. Farmers may poison huge numbers of insects. Mother nature creates a wave that kills humans, animals, insects and who knows what else. None of this is done with malice. The farmer doesn't hate Louis the Beetle. He simply believes this is the best way to feed humans and his family.

There was no guilt associated with the death humans cause. It wasn't an environmental diatribe. It was a simple understanding of everyday mass destruction. Oddly, there was a sort of peace with it. No, this was not some sort of apocalyptic vision. It was more of an understanding of various microcosms.

I point these things out because they are serious changes in thought patterns.

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