Some Thoughts from a Book

My Cherry Hill classes start in a couple of weeks. I've received no invitation to apply for the Master's program. I am assuming that I've missed the first round but I will try for round two. 

In the meantime, I am reading one of the books, Researching Paganisms, for the first class Research and Writing. My goal is to get my mind reset to academic thinking rather than just reading. The book is a compilation of essays. I must admit the first couple were tough going. 

The first essay on Bardism was interesting in that it dealt with the realization of a Bardic calling. I have a new appreciation for their work. The writing was ponderously academic.

Chapter Two revealed the writer's thoughts on an academic research study on a form of feminist Wicca called Reclaiming. Most of you have at least heard of the founder, Starhawk. My Gal grew up chatting with Starhawk. The writer blasts the Reclaiming Tradition for its willful ignorance of its own history and for adopting a very dubious occult lineage (as if most other groups don't do the same.) 

I'm not a fan of Reclaiming, though I've attended some of their public rituals and found them to be fun and at some points interesting. Any group that has to work so hard to convince themselves they are powerful, usually isn't. Any group that shouts about coming from the goddess while shunning the other half of the equation is microcosmically out of balance and likely reactionary. Though, that theory is soundly refuted by My Gal's uncle who is a male Dianic Wiccan. How does that happen? Perhaps someday someone will sit me down and explain to me how removing the god from a religion and replacing it with a goddess is any better than removing the goddess from a religion. As a ceremonial magician, I am all about balance, both are necessary.

That being said, the author actually took at least one of their initiations while fundamentally disagreeing with them. I have very little respect for that. 

This is one of the reasons I am going to Cherry Hill. I want to understand these approaches to religion that I either don't understand or confuse me. I need the infusion of new ideas. 

I wrote the above before going for my nightly walk. I began to wonder why Reclaiming folks do what they do. Then it hit me that we all see spirituality where we need to. The path is unbalanced but so what. Maybe the adherents need that dischord in order to achieve whatever they feel is necessary. Who am I to argue? As long as they don't object to similarly out of balance male dominated religions, I can see no reason to object. 

The fourth chapter discusses the use of plant allies in pursuit of the shamanistic experience and takes modern pagans to task for adopting the side of the anti-drug culture when it comes to using plants in religious modes. Given my sudden turn towards Pan and a more earthly way of doing things, he gave me much to think about. 

Offerings:

I didn't do ritual today. I did try to meditate but I didn't have any focus. I left the temple only to be drawn back by the desire to do an offering. I reached into the earth as I moved behind the altar. Instead of drawing up a line of light, I was within a white cone. 

Very briefly, a rainbow of color flashed through the upper half as I was rubbing my hands together. Soon, stars were flying out of my hands. I felt like Mickey Mouse in the Sorcerer's Apprentice. I gave these stars to the spirits of the temple but they kept coming. I gave them to the spirits of the house, the land and the Universe. During the later, I saw a black shape back lit with a very bright white light. The shape was that of the bottom quarter of a road side mail box. I have no idea where that came from.

Thought for the Day:

People that live in glass houses are exhibitionists.

Some Lessons I've Learned

I've recently learned a lesson and I've been thinking about the most important lessons I've learned during my magickal career. I'm not sure I have them all but I thought I'd share what comes to mind as I type. These are more in a temporal order than of importance.

Is

It depends what the meaning of is is. If you and I interact, my is isn't your is and neither perception IS. Events happen. They are. There is an inherent isness to them. How we react is how we react, that is us. If a person creates a situation, that is them but as soon as we interact, the situation is an is our reaction is us. Owning the situation is not helpful. 

Magick Reveals the Spirit around us. 

That one needs no explanation but there is a subtext.  There was the gift of Joe. Joe taught me something about magick and told me to keep it between us. So, I can not reveal that secret, even though I have heard it from others since. Utilizing that secret has taught me much but the seed that began that part of my learning process, was planted by Joe. For this I am grateful. I see this an extension of my first thought after allowing myself to think magick may exist, "If this is true, I can learn if God exists." Joe's gift allowed me to find a smaller god within. 

Giving

I read Jason's book, Protection and Reversal Magick. Reading a book by someone you haven't met is a bit of a game of trust. You have no idea if this person knows and writes or just writes. Also, I learn by the spoken word much better than the written. Jason spoke of offerings. Since then, I have made humble little offerings regularly. There is no explaining how good that makes me feel. 

Tonight, I did my version of the LBRP. I know someone really came up with this before I but now I own it as what I do as part of my practice. I've changed the pents so that each quarter contains the banishing pentagram of that element, rather than the earth banishing pentagrams beginners use. I also 'dump' all of the element within through the pentagram as I vibrate. When I am done, I feel peaceful. I do the same with the Banishing Ritual of the Hexagram only I dump the energy of each element by pulling it from my aura rather than within. This makes me feel clean. 

More often than not, I draw the active and passive pentagrams of spirit over the altar, rend the veil and declare that I am invoking spirit. Tonight, I did not do that. 

I sat and meditated, poorly. I simply wasn't doing a good job until I felt an awareness shift. I felt myself feeling peace. I then meditated on constantly giving that way. I gave it to My Gal. I gave it to my mentor. I gave it to all my ex coven mates. I was a bit surprised by who could not take it. I gave it to friends. I gave it to coworkers. I gave it to folks I like. I gave to folks I don't like. I gave it to anyone whose name or image would come to mind. 

The process was reminiscent of an Buddhist inspired exercise of the OSOGD. I finally got what they are trying to teach through that exercise. Frankly, I like my efforts better but now I understand. 

Give love away. The supply is inexhaustible. 

Preparations

The Mormons are most likely survive any major disaster. They store food. They have a command infrastructure. They have a communication system. We are not Mormon.

We've talked a lot about making preparations for emergency situations. Neither of us have done much about it. The swine flu kicked us into action. Yesterday, I bought 40 pounds of rice and a bunch of bottled water. Today, we hit the grocery store and bought a ton of canned goods and lentils. Is it enough for a disaster? Nope. We'd still need all sorts of things but it is a start. It isn't like we can't afford to store some food and rotate it out to a food bank once in a while. 

Magicians should be prepared for magickal needs too. What harm is it in laying in a store of appropriately colored candles and cleansing a few chords, parchment, stones, pieces of metal and having them on hand? I am just learning the thaumaturgical angle of things. If you're going to do things to handle life's emergencies, you may as well have the supplies on hand. 

Finance Magick

When Jason came to town, he did a class on finance magick. One of things I really appreciated is that he started his talk by giving a brief review of what all the personal finance books tell you. Frankly none if it all that hard, it just takes discipline. If you have the discipline, how much magick do you really need in this area?

Once upon a time, I was married. Shortly, thereafter my now ex-wife declared she wanted a house.  Her credit card debts were too high. My credit card debts were too high. She made enough money. I did not. I took over the finances and we had a very nice house within eighteen months. 

Later in life, I found a book on finance that really impressed me. Basically, it said to use the 

methods that I 'invented' to get us out of trouble. I recommended this book to everyone on the local pagan discussion lists. One person bought the book. She and her husband are now house shopping! She sent me a very nice thank you note for the recommendation. 

After Jason's talk, I realized while this person actually applied the lessons in the book, I did not.I am in nearly the exact place I was two years ago. As one of the few Americans with no credit card debt at all, I am in the vast minority. I still owe on my car and house. Having looked at the budget, I have no idea why. My car should have been paid off a year ago. I am now working on having it paid off a year from now. We'll see if I have the discipline to do it. After that, I'm working on the house. 

The concepts in this book are easy to follow. Follow them! The book is written by a Christian and he quotes scripture. Who cares? The information is valuable and the scripture directly relates to money. The book is not preachy about religion. It is very direct about money. Read the book. Follow the book. Get rich making what you already make. 

This book is worth every penny. If you are employed and not rich, it is because you haven't read and applied the lessons of this book. It is that simple.

This morning, I did get up early enough to do offerings and invoke spirit. I was too groggy to do good ritual. Though, about 10 minutes later, I felt happy and an energetic buzz as if I had just drank some caffeine. 

Replies to Scribbler and Jason Miller

In the comments to yesterday's post, the Scribbler asked the following:

Scribbler: Why did you stop Enochian Magick?

The first round was to just to work the tablet of union. We accomplished that. Then I delved into a couple of the planetary angels on one of the elemental tablets. We had accomplished the first two parts of the goal. We created an Enochian Temple and we skried the Tablet of Union. Then the energy behind us working with this softened up. We entered the temple less and less for Enochian work.  After a while, it didn't feel right to have the temple up. I also have some work to do with Pan that the table would not be conducive for, at least to my current way of thinking. Some folks may argue with me. Good for them. 

Scribbler: What is your overall assessment to this point?

The entities are very responsive to the magician contacting them, even if you butcher the language. There is definately something happening that can not be attributed to personal delusion. My Gal and I experienced much the same thing repeatedly. Though, the language of communication varied, the themes were right on. Perhaps the best proof of this is when we landed the wrong entity. That was pretty dramatic. 

The Enochian entities are much more eminent for me that some of the GD spirits I've worked with but much less eminent that Pan. 

I think the concept that the Enochian entities lead to apocolyptic thinking is likely correct. However, I also think that is a system specific test. Fail it and go off in that direction. Pass it (perhaps repeatedly) and something else unfolds. I am not 100% firm on that but that is my opinion of the moment. 

It is worth making the tools if you can afford it, especially the beeswax SDA.

Scribbler: Am I still doing the Stavish exercises for lucid dreaming?

No. I never made it that far with this go around. Apparently, last time I either bypassed or didn't focus very well on the initial purification exercise.  Though, as long time readers will recall, I had a fantastic lucid dreaming experience on the 31st path. 

This time, I started with the purification exercise and it kicked my ass. It got me back on the loop of an old trauma that I can not clear. Some things are just too painful. I realize this trauma may be my downfall as a magician. I am working on it in multiple ways. Part of me wants to push through it, endure the pain and hope the purification works. The other part of me is sick and tired of this pain I can not shake. 

That being said, I am still working on lucid dreaming. As I've posted recently, I'm working with a GD angel that is over that sort of thing. So far good results. Last night, I had a very unusual experience. Many times before I astral project, I feel a fear and shut down. This time, I experienced a unique feeling of expanding into a void and dropping through. My fear did grip me but much less so. I will continue with this and report in more detail.

My advice to you is to persist. I did receive results with the Stavish exercises. I am stuck on my personal trauma, you may have much better results than I.

Reply to Jason

Jason posted here about the Golden Dawn using the path of the lightening bolt for initiations and how GD folks express suprise when he discusses working the paths. The first part of that is a bit of a misunderstanding in my opinion. Even a cursory look at GD grade intiations will reveal the intiations take place on the paths as well as the sephira. The sephira are more of a focus in the outer order teaches (not the initiation rituals) and that can mislead people into ignoring the paths. I have my theories as to why but I will not post them here.  Secondly, the path of the lightening bolt is down. Golden Dawn lodges work from Malkuth up and through each path. The suprise he says he sees may be that he is pointing out the obvious that others have missed. Or, it may be like my planetary revelation while he was here. I knew that answer and even gave the answer but had to be reminded for some reason.

Jason's Oro et Labora Post

I find it odd that I have worked the opposite of Jason. I keep trying to purify myself into enlightenment and he just goes there. Now, I am done purifying myself as I am stuck and trying to hop! Just then, he posts about having to work on something specific. It is a strange world.

Offerings

I got up early to make offerings this morning. Tomorrow I hope to do the spirit invoking ritual too. I do enjoy the offerings.

Sunday's Work

Yesterday, I posted about an idea I had to get astral. What I didn't post was that I partially enacted that idea. The idea was to make offerings to an angel of the GD tradition that is 'in charge' of such things. I changed my mind because for the moment, I like doing the offerings as a gift. Expecting anything in return makes it an obligation, not a gift. 

This is why I've never understood people that expect thank you notes or other kudos when they give a gift. If you expect something back, do not call it a gift. Call it an obligation, for that is what it is. "For your birthday, please accept this obligation." What?

Instead of the offering, I just said I a short silent prayer to this angel.

Last night, I dreamed I was walking above the earth. I have dreams like this quite often and I always complain to myself about not recognizing this and failing to become lucid. Over time, I have noticed that I have managed to get higher. In the beginning it was just a couple of inches off the ground. Last night, I was overjoyed to 'walk' over a one story building. It was in that moment, I became lucid. 

I was lucid but I had no plan.  I vibrated the hierarchy of Yesod. With astral eyes closed! I could feel the vibration and it was awesome. I could feel that astral movement but I kept wondering where I was going because I could not see. 

It felt like a traveled in an arcing pattern as pictured above.

I landed on the campus of a city college some where and realized I had left my books on the roof of that building I walked over.  The symbolism is obvious. I left my 'education' behind early in the flight.  I feel foolish, I've never closed my eyes before when doing this. Perhaps, it is a sign I was not ready to see. Perhaps, it is just an example of being Frater Bonehead.

This is a good sign that praying to that angel will work. I will continue with that approach.

Enochian Temple

I took it down last night. It was time. It had gone unused. Oddly, the red carpet under the table was rotating under the table while the table remained parallel to the walls. 

I took it down to dedicate something to Pan. I simply could not do it. I kept looking for an excuse not to. I then sat down and meditated and tried to reach 'transcendent Pan'. I 'heard' that I still fear. I should wait until I can purge that fear. I have begun to work on that through prayer. 

My back hurt today. Coincidence?

Offerings

Again I performed the offerings today. I love how that makes me feel. The offering to the local spirits took the form of rain. The offering to the Universe was again a beautiful column of light. Awesome.

LBRP/Middle Pillar

I did this the same way as yesterday a bit later in the day than the offerings. I really enjoy this. 

During the middle pillar, there was once again a crown at Keter with twelve or thirteen points. It seemed too many for ten. Towards the end, my head felt like all the synapses were firing at once. It is similar to how I feel when astral projecting through dreams. 

Meditations

I meditated several times today. Now that Jason has made it fun, I feel like I'm playing the carnival game Whack-A-Mole only the moles are the thoughts that pop up. From time to time, I can feel the energy of the thought before a language component is added and interrupt the process without knowing the seed of the thought.  It feels as if the thoughts arrive in different physical locations within the brain and I just prevent them making a landing. 

This has resulted in that 'all synapses firing' feeling that I get from time to time in solo ritual work and lucid dreaming.

I also sanded my money box today.

(picture from: http://photojournal.jpl.nasa.gov/catalog/PIA11101)

Manifestation of Spirit

As posted earlier today, I began my day with a ritual intended to manifest spirit. Today, several interesting things occurred that reveal the ritual worked. Naturally, I want to do this every day. I have a tendency toward grand plans. We'll see what follows but for now, here are the results.

My Gal and I attended a druid earth healing ceremony put on by the kind folks of Llwyn Swynedig. As you know, I am not a Druid but My Gal is a druid of a different order and feels a sympathy towards these folks. I am a curmudgeon in general and even I liked them instantly.

Given my ceremonial magick leanings, I'm a ritual stick in the mud when it comes to anything that doesn't have rigid rules. Upon seeing the spirit animal of the west was an octopus and being unaware of druids finding the octopus any more sacred than smelt, my eyebrow raised. 

I was then pleasantly surprised. Prior to the ritual Brian greeted all the new comers to make them feel welcome. He and Jen then gathered everyone up and explained what was about to happen. They shared this was a Druid circle and not a Wiccan circle and that the rules were a bit different. They even explained some of the symbol set they were using. This is a step missing from most public circles. It worked. 

As diligent readers of this space are aware, I'm doing a public ritual for Fresno's Spirit Fusion Festival (formerly PPD). I worked in an introductory explanation early on. Watching Llywn Swynedig has convinced me this is the right approach. 

The ritual itself also resolved an issue that I have with most public rites. The energy is icky. In a CM hall the energy is clean, focused, and purposeful. It most public rituals, the energy is dirty, scattered and communal. Instead of general energy raising, they took a different tact. They had each individual raise energy according to their own abilities. They only supplied the form. Once the energy was raised it was projected into individual talismans that were then combined by the officials as both a 'lesson' and an offering.  I may have changed the form of talisman based on the magickal principals I follow but I can not criticize the druid way. They did a fantastic job. This is doubly true because it was their first public rite.

Those that know me know that I wouldn't post a compliment unless I sincerely meant it. 

It wasn't the type of ritual I am used to as a CM hall can feel like  working within a laser beam but I learned something very important. They had sincerity of purpose. I recalled the words of Jesus, "Wheresoever two gather in my name..." They gathered in spirit and I felt spirit. Wonderful.

I also avoided eating a donut. See this post from earlier today, if you don't follow the relevance of that comment.

Anthropologist

The local community is being studied by Fresno State anthropologist Penny Verin-Shapiro. About two years ago, I was Penny's first interview. She had no place to start. The interview lasted about a half and hour, amazingly short for a wordy person like myself. My Gal was interviewed not long ago. The depth of Penny's education showed. Her interview lasted about three and a half hours.

I am one of the locals that lectures/speaks/presents at her classes each year.

Penny approached me because my friend WitchDoctorJoe told her that I had 'got religion' recently. He was referring to Pan landing on me. I have previously posted on those events. Penny wants to interview me on that topic. I am willing to as Penny appears to be seeking to understand rather than to judge.

We are going to schedule something in late summer. I am glad for the time to put things in perspective. I will be working more with Pan. Hopefully, I will gain enough of an understanding to be a good interview.

Herm

Since reading about the ancient Greek practice of the herm, I've wanted to build a small herm near my front door. Today, I took the first steps toward that by going shopping for rocks. There will be more on that in future posts.

Offerings

Following Jason Miller's advice, I once again made offerings from within my temple space. This time, when I rubbed my hands together to raise the energy, I reached down into the earth to pull it up. My normal practice is to draw it down. A beautiful column of light rose within me. I offered it to the spirits of the temple, the spirits of the house, the local spirits and the Universe. The local spirits were interesting. I saw forms of food for all the local life cats, birds, insects etc. When I gave energy to the Universe, the column of light rose into the sky. The sense of awe was profound.

I left my temple and began to read Researching Paganisms for my Cherry Hill class that starts next month. I suddenly realized that I felt like I've always wanted to. When, as a new magician, I said I sought spirit, I was looking for a feeling. I know several people that have radiated externally how I've always wanted to feel internally. Those folks are my mentor, someone that I can not name here and My Gal's mentor. I felt it from Jason Miller as well. Today, for the first time, I felt that within. I've been looking for that for over twenty years.

Having thought about it for a while, the result may be linked to the approach of my offerings. I expect nothing. My temple is already protected and peaceful, the spirits of the loci haven't harmed me to my knowledge and the Universe has treated me well. Yet, in giving, I received something special in return. It is the theory of the moment.

Soon after that realization, I understood that meditating after offerings works for me. So, I began to meditate. I've been doing this more and more since Jason's visit. He gave me one tip that has switched my viewpoint of meditation from struggle to fun. During that meditation, I realized two things.

The first had to do with myself. I view myself as a curmudgeon. I am a cranky ass. I know my faults well. On the other hand, I can be very kind when no one is looking. I prefer kindnesses to be in private. I realized that I need to change focus. I always focus on my faults and therefore deny my essential goodness. I realized I am a good person and that I should focus on that aspect of Fr.POS rather than the negative side. A declarative statement was made about my fundamental 'goodness'.  This does not mean I will forget other things I need to work on, only that I refuse to let them be the main focus of my internal identity.

The second realization involved learning to astral project. Which I can do only very sporadically and spontaneously through a dream state. I may have a path to solving that problem.

Not bad results for one ritual.

Out of Balance

Jason, My Gal and Gordon all gave great advice regarding my feeling out of balance. Yes, do  your LBRPs and MPs. I will say I disagree with Gordon about 200% of the time. However, he hit this one right on the head. "Frater Bonehead, ask your HGA!" So, I did.

He told me I've been eating crap again. I've been going off to the roach coach at work and eating those small donut shaped things covered in some chocolate-like substance. He told me to go back on my diet and exercise routine. 

Today, I did an unusual LBRP and MP. Instead of doing it the 'normal' way. I used each element's banishing pentagram, made that internal and projected it out as it drew all of that element out of me. I'd not recommend this for beginners. Then, I drew the active and passive pentagrams of spirit over the altar, vibrating Eheieh and opening the veil with each. 

When I did the middle pillar. I declared that I'd manifest spirit in a beneficial way today. The first sephira was done normally. Daath was a 'void' for the first two vibrations and then came to life on the third as I pushed the energy of Keter into Daath. Upon doing so, I saw a spirit wheel in Daath. I repeated this process down to Malkuth which turned into the peculiar color scheme I use for manifested spirit. I went back up, using the shape of the aforementioned Malkuth and watched it morph in each sephira. The images I saw told me I was successful with the magick. However, manifesting spirit can be a wild ride (ie Pan). We'll see what happens throughout the day.

Dead

Before Jason visited, I was posting about how out of balance I had been feeling. During and immediatley after his visit, I was up. The new input was really needed and I'm sure it will help my magickal path in the long term. Now, I am back to imbalanced blah. 

I have a necklace I wear when I'm out of whack. I wore it all the time Jason was here. I haven't worn it since. I will put it back on when I go to bed tonight and see if it helps. 

For a while there, I was going to blame the odd emotional impact of the thaumaturgy I've done. After thinking about it, I was off long before that.  I'd do some LBRPs and Middle Pillars but I'd have to care. 

A Random Thought

About a year ago, my back went out for about three weeks. I didn't show up for work the entire time. I feared for my job. During that time, My Gal bought one of those inexpensive Yahoo games. I played it a lot. After returning to work, I played the game again and felt fear. 

A couple of years ago, I took a meditation class. I took my first walking meditation and felt my perception of reality shift. Ninety-eight percent of my brain was entirely convinced I could walk through the walls. The two percent kept me from trying.

I have been working on adding short spells of meditation to my day. On my way to my car last night, I tried a walking meditation and flashed back to that memory of thinking I could walk through a wall immediately. 

Imprinting takes place fast. 

Yet, how much garbage to we allow in our minds? How many times do we allow ourselves to be entrapped by some graphic violence in the name of entertainment? How often do we allow one negative experience to leave an imprint that leads to emotional reactions all out of proportion to the current event but perhaps entirely appropriate to the original event? 

Can this type of imprint be erased? 

Next Topic

In an addendum to last night's post about feeling dead. At about 9:30 PM, things changed. I felt spiritual, peaceful and connected.  My Gal tells me that there is some odd astrological thing going on this week with Venus, Luna and Mars. Though, no timing I could find would convince me anything special happened at 9:30 Fresno time to change my perception of the universe. 

The feeling was so distinct that I wonder if this had something to do with asking Gabriel for an initiation into being right with time.  It is really too early to tell. I am just dutifully recording perceptions.

E-Mail

The email I reported here from John Michael Greer has become more interesting. John graciously and politely responds to my emails to him but he has never initiated an email to myself. It turns out, he didn't this time either. Circumstances conspired to let that one land in my inbox. It perfectly corresponds to both dreams reported in the post already linked. This may lead to something interesting. Sorry about being vague here. Sometimes, I have to record things just for myself. This isn't gravely personnel. I simply have no right to make some things public.

Worms and Fishes

Today, I did my offerings at work. The green winged worms appeared this time but there were fewer of them. I must say things at work have been more pleasant this week and I've communicated more on an emotional level. The red fish was there as well. It behaved just like a fish. It saw food, snapped it up and floated away. This is very analogous of my frustration at work. So, all of this could be, and likely is, internal. Yet, who cares? If it helps at work, I will be happy to be a bit delusional. 

 

Political Commentary

I try to keep politics out of this space. However, some things are so over the top ridiculous that one has to say something. Getting arrested for this is beyond ridiculous and an example of nothing but a totalitarian leaning state. 

http://www.wptz.com/cnn-news/19239940/detail.html

Stifling

I tried to repeat my offerings at work today. I felt no energy raised and saw nothing accept. The red fish may have been way off in the distance but that could have just been my head putting things there.

I tried to repeat offerings in the temple room. I had the same feelings. It is as if the sudden Fresno summer heat has stifled my magick.

Interesting Day

(Brief Note: Yesterday's post should have been titled "Sunday")

Today, I made offerings to the local spirits at work. I sent energy to those spirits that have aided me. I saw green flying worms. I asked the worms what they do for me and as a collective group the response was, "we facilitate emotional communication." 

FrPOS: How does that help me? 

Green Things (GT): When you're angry, we make sure people realize that you're trying very hard to do a difficult job."

FrPOS: Can you make me less angry and frustrated at work?

GT: No. 

FrPOS: What else do you do? 

GT: Facilitate Work

FrPOS: How?

GT: We make sure those that need to be told things at an emotional level can communicate. (If you knew where I worked, that would make so much sense.)

FrPOS: Can you help me communicate with those types of people?"

GT: Yes

FrPOS: Please do so.

Later in the day, I met with a person that I have some issues with along with someone I have no issues with whatsoever. The meeting went very well and, remembering the lesson of the Queen of Wands, I spoke much less than I normally do. 

I also gave an offering to those that hindered me. I saw a big red fish. Looks like emotional anger to me. Got it.

I also gave an offering to the spirits in general. I was amazed at how big this cloud of energy was, just like I was in my temple.

BOOKS

My books arrived for the Cherry Hill classes today. I want to get a jump on things and I don't know which of the three to start with. I may see if I can email the instructor.

I also ordered at Jason's recommendation The 4-Hour Work Week.

Work

I conjured the planetary hierarchy of angels today. With Gabriel, I asked him to initiate me into being right with time. He put me off. Yes but not now. "You picked a bad time. It will come soon." I picked a bad time to get right with time? That doesn't sound auspicious. The planetary angels, seem to be telling me I'm not quite ready. A test of perseverance? A missed lesson?

I also continued work for the other person.

Saturday

Offerings

One of the items Jason mentioned in his talk, is the need for offerings to the local spirits. Ceremonial Magicians, he argued, are fine dealing with spirits in grimories but not so much with the unknown local spirits. The formers' have known attributes and the latter do not. His argument translated to my mind as, "So why not get to know their attributes?" "Why not work with them and get to know them?" 

This thought has been nagging at me. But it isn't a thought that was being generated from within. I perceived the thought to be emanating from my temple space towards me. Today, I heeded the call. I generated some energy in the simply way Jason uses for such things and gave the energy to the spirits of the temple. I repeated the process over and over giving energy to the house and local spirits and to the Universe. 

When I did the local spirit offering I was amazed at how large the cloud of energy became. Given the desert climate and the time of the year, it was not sup rising to see sylphs feeding on it.  This is my first time making such an offering. I must admit and immediate feeling of connection and peace. 

I plan to do the same for the spirits of my work place on a daily basis as well. 

More Work

Saturday's work required a follow-up. If you're going to batter down some walls, it is always a good idea to strength your own. Today, I did so in the day and hour of the sun. Long and well have I been trained to keep a close watch for messages of the lower ego. Those messages that inflate your self-worth out of all proporation are as dangerous as those negative messages that batter one's self-esteem. 

In today's work, I performed the middle pillar. As I've mentioned in notes of late, Keter has been behaving oddly. Today, at the first vibration, a crown appeared at my head, grew stronger with each vibration and remained throughout the rite. 

Once the item was charged, I was instructed to meditate on the Queen of Wands. The Queen was explained to me by the Enochians as restrained fire, "Greater than fire" were the words used or something similar. During such, I was told that in silence is my strength, not in my words. Be silent and unmoving, a rock. 

Later in the day, I went for a walk. A twenty-something young man stuck his head out the window and said, "I love you." I have no idea who this was. Did it have anything to do with the crown earlier? No clue.

Even later, I delivered the spell worked on Saturday.

To Those Who Teach

I'd like to dedicate a single post to say thank you to fellow bloggers and magicians, Jason Miller and Frater RO. 

The magickal path can be very hard. It doesn't come easy for me. I started this blog as Frater Bonehead for a reason. Soon my name changed to butchered Latin that means, Learn Do Serve. Both of these names are appropriate in different contexts. Know thyself. 

The bonehead comes in because I can become so focused and so myopic that I fail to see the patently obvious. The input of others is required to back me up a bit. Did Jason tell me anything during his visit that I didn't already know? Hell yes. But, more importantly, he changed my focus enough to allow me to piece some things together that I'd been missing. Some of those things others have tried to tell me. I missed them then. I have it now. Had Jason not visited, I'd still be missing them. So, for his years of effort, his willingness to share, and arriving when he did. Thank you.

For RO, the conversation about a given topic yesterday or the day before made a lot of sense. This too changed my perspective enough for a new understanding. I am still not 100% convinced that you are 100% correct. Though, I am convinced that our discussion brought into context some of my ideas on the topic and filled them out. This too appeared at just the right the time. Thank you for your efforts at preparation and being willing to share. 

Those who are willing to teach and actually have something to teach are worth their weight in gold. Thanks to you both.

There are others that teach me too. Don't feel left out. I know who you are.

Harsh Magick

Today, I did some magick, in the hour of Mars on the day of Saturn. Such work is foreign to my practice. However, from time to time, there is a need. To ignore that need, is to invite ruin through imbalance. Human Towers of Pisa are rare indeed. 

I am completely comfortable with my work. Though, a little uncomfortable with the amount of power used. I may have used a howitzer to take out a doll house. Between my tech and long practice, Pan and Jason's tech, it would appear certain doors have opened. 

I can not compare it to a loss of innocence more a nod to reality that I've resisted making for a long time. Sovereignty means just that and nothing less. The upside is that I know, as of this moment, I shall not fall into the trap of repeating such works often. There is no joy in these things, no sense of self-awe. There is always a bit of awe in the sheer magick but that is not the same as being enamoured by a specific working. I shall be watchful for such occurrences. 

Oddly, I banished using the Susan Boyle video. That brings me joy and is a long way from the work just completed. 

A Bit on Pan

I think that is significant that after Thursday night's dreams, I was ill. It is not that great of a change in pattern. Often after a long bout with the back and a short recovery, I catch the next bug to wander by. Constant pain is hard on the immune system. However, Thursday night's dreams were a significant marker. They were immediately followed by a strong urge to vomit. 

I've never been able to do that. I haven't puked since I was five. 

But what does vomiting do? It is a bodily reaction to some poisons or bodies it does not want to process. There are a lot of issues that I have been unable to process since my time with a coven. Perhaps, my body, unable to absorb those issues, is trying to eject them. Perhaps, unable to eject them, it tries to burn them with fever. 

Am I taking the analogy too far? 

Pan is known for invading those he is angry with. I felt invaded after Pantheacon but not in a harmful way. There was no trauma associated with his presence, just a bit of confusion and evaluation. Though, it was emotionally disconcerting. 

Pan is known for prophecy. This often took place in a cave with dice. He is said to have taught Apollo to prophecize. Perhaps one of my links with Pan is my ability to read the tarot. I don't talk about it much here because I couldn't explain well in this format how to do it. Maybe this is a link with the god. Maybe, it is something to be developed further with dice. Perhaps, I should start as My Gal and her amazing coin flipping. By asking yes/no answers she can find any misplaced article with a coin.  Maybe I should try that with an odd or ever die. 

I am sure there is some system of dice-o-mancy to learn. No doubt someone will post a comment and tell me what that is really called. Then again, did they have dice in ancient Greece? Maybe the term used in the book is a misnomer. Though, it seems too well-researched for that. 

The above was written Friday. Today is Saturday.

I am doing some very practical work that for serious reasons I can not post about here. For such, I purchased some powders from Lucky Mojo some time ago. So long ago, that after all the remodel work, I'd forgotten where I put them. 

I pulled the dice out of a backgammon game I've had since I was ten. I love backgammon. Unfortunately, I have no opponents to compete against anymore but the set has very nice emotions attached to it. I selected a die and asked, "Is your yes odd or even?" The answer was even. "With the blessings of Pan can you help me find powders I am looking for today?" The answer was odd. no. The next die was asked the same questions and I received an affirmative answer.

I prayed to Pan for his blessing of the die for this purpose until I heard, "It is done." I rubbed my palm together while holding the die and asked the question. Soon it lead me to what I was looking for.  I then made an energy offering to Pan with thanks and went about my day.

Just a quick point regarding Pan. His lore is that you don't approach him at noon. It is then he naps. And, when you approach him, do not do so quietly. This god does not like to be surprised. He will fill your reverential silence with a discordant cacophony. This is not good for you. Such is the lore. Do as thy wilt.

Dreams. Holy Cow, What Just Happened?

Maybe that should be Holy Goat. 

Last night I dreamt of John Michael Greer along with magickal and mundane folks I know attending a fair or festival. A ritual/lecture took place. People, including myself, were taking notes. None of them were folks I knew except Greer and my mentor. I remember seeing a flash of someone in a very bright red robe. At the end of the lecture, Greer collected everyone's notes. In puzzlement, I gave mine to him. I did not see him collect anyone else's, even though I believe he did. John was not part of the presentation but in the audience.

Later, several of us were eating outside and someone pointed out, Philippe Borgeaud talking to a group of folks. (He wrote a great book called The Cult of Pan in Ancient Greece). I commented on how much he looked like Pan. As he passed me, I noted he sounded like a goat, not a man. Later in the dream, I lay down on the picnic table bench and said, "I accept Pan as my God." (I've been in a tussel with Pan since Panthecon). I immediately heard, "Don't worry, you can still call on all other gods." 

This morning, I awoke to an email from John Michael. I feel unable to share its contents in any form. Though, I believe it does related to the first paragraph. If it relates to the second, my entire beleif structure will have to change. I don't view that as a bad thing. Instead, it seems to be a lot of work.

As for Pan, we'll see what comes of that. My waking mind still has the same reservations regarding Pan but some part of me said what I said. It is interesting that I was working with Jupiterian forces last night. Could this be a function of deep memory? Is John's email the act of mercy mentioned? It was certainly unexpected but I'm not sure if it was a mercy. Then again, having just looked up the definition of Mercy, I found this on dictionary.com

Something that gives evidence of divine favor; blessing.

John's email could be reflective of that. As was the Pan dream. I've been very pissed off about all things I could construe as Trad Wiccan for some time. If Pan is part of that, which I always assumed he was in a way, he was pretty merciful in that dream. I could understand Pan being a bit miffed. 

Oh well, so we shall see what comes of this. Life changing moment or playful dreaming? Time will tell.

Addendum to Tonight's Work

I failed to mention that at vibrating Keter for the middle pillar, the light was made up of four candles held over my head. At vibrating Tipereth, I saw a snapshot of my Tipereth initiation dreams.  At Malkuth, the earth spirit was there again. He said that he'd be there whenever I was at the right place when vibrating Malkuth names. Most likley, he always has been. I can just see him now.

Tonight's Magick

I am working on a long term project for someone. 

It started on Tuesday. I blasted a hole into an obstacle using Mars. Yesterday, I was going to add some speed (and other things) to the process but couldn't. The couldn't was instinct. I was trying to add speed to something that had no direction -- not a good idea. Tonight, Jupiter gave it some direction.

When I invoked the planetary angel, there was no need to explain what I needed. He knew. He asked if wanted initiated into his sphere. I said, "Yes, so far as I can handle it." This pleased him. "You have begun to temper your reach. I will give you a small blessing. I will initiate you into my sphere but do all the other planets first." At this point, I commenced the work of calling the Intelligence and Spirit of the planet.

Yesterday, we had gathered dirt from the target site, having already inserted a charged talisman within. In today's right, I added a blue toothpick to the dirt. The toothpick is the axis mundi of Jupiter of Earth symbolically planted outside the target's front door. 

When I was done, Sochiel appeared once again. He gave me a small blessing, "You will be shown mercy in an unexpected way." 

I felt very peaceful after the rite. 

New Blog - Working on Work

A blog of a long-time reader is just beginning. He is new to the work but writes very well. You should check it out for the design of the page alone. 

Working on Work

I am working on an altar to work on my work situation. I am very frustrated as things are well out of control. I express my frustration. I do not like it when I do so. I've worked long and hard at that. I've failed. Continually.

Therefore, I am going to do some magick to make work go smoother. It is dangerous mucking around magickally at work in these hard times. However, if there was ever a need to do it. It is now.

It Brings a Tear to Your Eye

On of the most valuable lessons I've learned as a magician, is that of perception. This is the lesson for which I am most grateful for and why I hold my mentor in such esteem. I began to learn this lesson even within my first group. I have another post on this topic coming, involving a painting but this video is just too much.

As humans, we look at each other and make instant judgements. His hair is too long. She's too fat. He has one eyebrow. She dresses funny. Her voice grates. He never looks at me when he speaks. She is cute. He is unnecessarily angry. She's annoyingly chipper. Kiss ass. They are all bad people.

These judgements are made instantaneously. Deep down we know we are often wrong about the person within that we judge from without. Or do we? We seem to do it anyway.

The same is true of situations. He reacted badly to that. She said WHAT? I can't believe he didn't speak up in that meeting. She cried for no reason. He lied without cause.  They are all bad people. 

These judgements are made with a little more thought. Or are they? Deep down we know we our judgements are often wrong. Or do we? We seem to keep making them. 

There is a thing that happens. That thing is. It IS. Everything we attach to it, is us. If it hurts us, it is us. If it makes us smile, it is us. If it destroys us, it is us. If it emboldens us, it is us. The event is the same. It is the meaning we attach to it. Our self-imposed meanings hurt us. We hurt ourselves. I know that. Or do I? I seem to make the same judgements. 

Please watch this video. Look even at the hard part where this women is being looked down upon for her looks and her stage in life. It embarrassed me the first time I saw it. Watch the whole thing. If it doesn't bring a tear to your eye, you may not be human. 

YouTube has turned off the embedding by request. So please click here. Then continue reading.

Now notice the comments. Imagine if this was a potential friend you turned your back on. Imagine if this was situation you saw as ugly and missed the beauty within. Just imagine what a life we'd live without self-imposed judgements, self-imposed meanings, self-imposed pain. It simply brings a tear to your eye.

Those who know the hard-edged Frater POS, may be shocked to learn I've watched that about ten times. It blows me away. Live the dream and maybe, just maybe, we'll learn to live in what IS. Without the judgements. Without, the self-imposed pain. 

Today's Work, Internal Links, Altars

Did some stuff today, that will be revealed soon. Not a big deal really but I will be using the Maxwell Smart Cone of Silence for a bit.

During Jason's talk he asked, "Which planet would you use for this?" I immediately said, "All of them." Though, I had the answer, I needed Jason's reminder. How often have I worked with just one planet for what I needed? Today, I began working towards something. I called one planet. I needed direct immediate impact. Tomorrow, I will call another. The next day, another. Each will shape the effect of the charge. 

Had I had time, I may have done something differently. However, the main thing will be accomplished and the link actually placed in the target's hand. The rest, I will have to do astrally. Though, I may collect some dirt from the place as a link. There really won't be much else at that point. Well, maybe that and a few business cards.

Links

Jason taught My Gal and I a meditation. Forgive me for not posting directions and the like. Jason said he has tried to give directions on line and it just doesn't work. Since I barely know the technique, it would be pointless for me to try. In general, the techique calls for one to feel the edges of one's conscious awareness and push past them. I may do this as a daily practice. I only did this once and came to a realization the next day. People are embedded in my awareness. They leave links. I found said links for many people within. This may be helpful for witch mail practices but it could be put to much more practical ends. I will have to do some practical experimenting.

Altars

I found myself unexpectedly in a store today. Said store had a version of a new altar I am going to put up. I didn't make a purchase because it was too unstable for candle work. But now, I know what I need.

Jason Miller, The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Well, I may be going slightly over the top with that headline but I must say, I had an f---ing blast. I spent too much money and I slept (not too much) on an air mattress but, as RO would say, it was totally worth it.

I have known a few adepts in my day. Naturally, I'm partial to my mentor, whom I hold in very high regard. I know of two others that feel like him. My Gal's mentor and Jason. His vibe was my first clue that this was going to be a good weekend. I knew I'd learn from this man. Partially, because I made sure I'd learn in advance by creating thought form to ensure that I would hear what I needed to hear. That may have created my perception of his vibe. He may have felt like that anyways. There is no way for me to tell.

There is so much to talk about that I'm going to have to break it up in several posts. There are advantages to having the guest of honor in one's home. I had the opportunity to pick his brain more than others. Here is a brief list of topics that I will be covering in this space. I will discuss, in part, how Jason's presentation on these topics struck me. More importantly, I plan on doing the magick. Posts will be appropriately flagged should the topic be of interest.

• The links to other people buried within me
• Maintaining multiple specific altars
• Using the full scope of the system you're working
• Meditation in general and a specific meditation
• The eminent versus the transcendent
• Communications and observation
• First the Working and then the work
• holistic approach to magick
• dressing candles
• self-creation
• Pan and my path

There is a lot more as well. This is as much as I can think of off the top of a very tired head. 

I will say that if you ever have a chance to learn from Jason, do so. Learn about thaumaturgy. Learn about theurgy.  Are you getting the impression that I was impressed? Jason is very well versed on a wide variety of topics. That comes across on his blog but nothing like speaking with him in person. I may never see Jason again but time will tell if he makes my list of 'most influential' mages in my life. Right now that list is, my mentor, DuQuette, Webster and a cast of thousands.

The advice he gave me has given me hope in getting out of a rut and solving some very serious internal issues, not to mention dealing with a god that has been in play of late. More important that all that, Jason is just a good man and a good sport. I worked him to death. Yet, he maintained such a positive friendly attitude. The man is a class act, plain and simple.

I do not use the R word often. Mostly because I am a cantankerous old fool with less compassion than a mad wolverine. However, Jason has earned my respect. I will make him the promise that I have made all those that have initiated me. When I am ready, I will do the same for others.

Thank you Jason.

Never Meet Internet Friends

It always turns out to be a disappointment. They aren't like you pictured them and it turns out you really don't like them much. Things become awkward. On the other hand, if you have a chance to meet Jason, do so. He's the bomb.

Since my guest room is occupied, we gave up the bed for Jason and we slept on an air mattress in the temple room. I have always wanted to sleep in my temple room and never did. Well, now I've done it with no effect.

Though, I did have an unusual dream. It seemed like half the world came to spend the night in the temple with me. There were lots of people I knew in the dream but few I knew in real life. My Gal and my mentor appeared. I rarely encounter them in dreams. Jason appeared as well. Jason had told a  young lady something. I couldn't figure why anyone would have a problem with what he said. Maybe because I didn't it. He said something like "When I do things, I am (or it is) or (it is missing) 20%" My mentor, yelled at Jason. I've never seen my mentor yell. That isn't his form of behavior when he is angry. Jason, who was going to sleep at the time never moved. My mentor pulled me aside to talk and repeated what Jason had said. I still didn't understand the problem. 

Later, as everyone was milling around where Jason's talk was to be given, sirens blared and a bunch of private security company cars came into the driveway. They were lost, given directions and left.

Still later, I was driving with my mentor and he pointed out a house with a kitchen window that was very high upon a hill. The architecture was unusual and, if for some reason one crawled out of the kitchen window, dangerous. He said, "I hate it when they build kitchen windows like that." Hate is another word that I've never heard him use.  

The dream also involved a  couple of off-stage dogs and ferrets. We all know the meaning behind those!

Several unusual things are outside of my dream pattern: My mentor and My Gal in my dreams at all, much less at the same time, a crowd of people, very unusual behavior for my mentor.

My interpretation was that something Jason would have to say was outside the ability of at least one person in the group to handle. As I was typing most of this post Saturday morning, Jason awoke and entered my office. He said something very similar. I recall at this early hour what his exact words were but I have a policy. If I hear the same thing from two sources that have not spoken to each other, I listen. But what am I going to do? I can't stop the man from speaking about something when I don't know what he is going to say. Later in the morning, he talked about doing an voodoo invocation. That was it! No voodoo in my living room. 

The talks went very well. I found Jason to be knowledgible on a wide variety of topics. The man is obviously very well studied and, more importantly, has done the Work. 

I also found the number of folks that had sudden engagements, vehicles break down and other events that caused them not to arrive to be I think it was a reflection of my dream. The GD current can often emphasize the psychological model in the outer work. It is, after all, personal and alchemical. Those that view things from the psychological model at this point in their development, have little interest in dealing with spirits, reversal and the like. Why would they, if they feel all these things are in their heads? This too shall pass. Perhaps, until it does, they need to stay away from certain topics. The truth to a man not ready to hear it, is a lie. Sometimes, information presented too soon can derail the sincere seeker. This is important to keep in mind. It is just as important to let the seeker make that determination 99.9% of the time. Meddling can cause more harm than good.

On a Personal Note: Jason and I covered a lot of ground after the official part was over. I asked him the question I ask my mentor prior to each initiation. "What are my strengths and weakness?" And for Jason I added, "If you were my teacher, what would you have me work on next?" He ignored the first part and gave me great advice on the second part. The discussion that followed even touched on dealing with that which plagues me that the Stavish meditations keep stirring up. There will be more on that in future posts.

More Basics

Once again, I did an LBRP, BRH and MP. When I reached Malkuth the spirit appeared again. There was no earth shaking power. He said, "The Wiccans are right. I am not of them.  You are not delusional. You are right as to what I am." On the next vibrations, the earth shook. It was explained that was my power, not his. Whatever. 

When I finished the MP, I began again at my feet and just did one vibration up. I then started at my feet again and pulled the energy up as I went. Going back up has a different feel to it. I like it.

I think I am working to rebalance myself with these exercises. The Stavish purification meditations throw me for a loop and I am just now willing to do them daily. When I did the first MP cycle from the top down. Keter kept moving. The sphere didn't move far but it did slide back and forth softly. Again, moving spheres is very new to me. I've never experienced this before.

Jason Miller is due in town in an hour. I look forward to meeting him. 

Wednesday and Thursday

Wednesday night, we began reading the Book of the Law as OTO types are supposed to do in April. April 8 is reserved for chapter one. The next two are read on succeeding days. I enjoy this time and as it is sacred to My Gal. I am a bit jealous of those that hold a particular religion dear. I've never found one that quite fit me. 

Also on Wednesday, Frater RO accused me of being a hypocrit because I changed my mind on thaumaturgy. I argue that a hypocrit espouses one thing but does not adhere to his words. A magician, on the other hand, must be able to change by definition.

Wednesday night, I did the Stavish meditation. Once again, I had a hard night. Am I not ready? Or is this a final burning away? 

Thursday night, we read chapter 2 of the Book of the Law. 

Cherry Hill Begins

Wednesday, I signed up for two classes at Cherry Hill Seminary. The first is a Pagan Research and Writing Class. Hopefully, this will make Jason's editing of some of my preliminary articles at bit easier. The second class is on how to attend classes using their on-line course format. That is seventy-five bucks I don't think I need to spend but will anyway.  I don't want to be the guy disrupting class because I can't make something work. Besides, it is always good to familiarize yourself with a culture before you learn that you're supposed to belch at the table.

I don't know if I'm excited about the commitment I am making. However, I am excited about the education. I hope it is what I hope it is.

LBRP, MP Tonight

I normally don't post every LBRP, BRH and MP that I do. There isn't much of a point. However, tonight's exercise was different. First of all, it had been the first time I'd been back in my temple since my latest bout with back issues began. That length of time is unprecedented for me. It was very nice being in my space again. I am so grateful that I've been given the opportunity to create such a place. I know the world should be sacred in every way but that place is to me more sacred than most. 

Two interesting things occurred. The first was the middle pillar was odd. Keter formulated a tad to the right. The sphere centered only in response to my will. Daath formulated slightly to the left and centered only in response to my will. The other three sephira manifested as normal, save what I shall report in the next paragraph. I know I've been out of balance of late but I've never had sephira form out of alignment like that. In the distant past, I was well out of alignment. Perhaps then I was not able to sense the spheres as well. There is no way for me to say at this point. I am not bothered by the spheres appearing that way, only puzzled.

The second interesting thing occurred as I vibrated the god name for Malkuth. The earth shook. The power was an announcement of presence. Mine as a magician or the power of a spirit? The spirit in question first appeared to me long ago reappeared. I viewed this as the god of Wicca for quite some time. Yet, initiates in that tradition continually told me such was not the case, I was not speaking to their god and that my perceptions were 'delusional'. Regardless, when this being shows up, Wiccan's of a particular tradition follow. When I met this being the first time, I met my former group shortly thereafter. When he reappeared long after I left, two members of that tradition appeared and said they saw me as 'family' (there term for one of them) and that I should drop by. Interestingly enough, one of them had viewed me as delusional for seeing this spirit. Now, he has appeared again. What will it bring this time? 

(Monarch of the Glen, 1851, by Edwin Henry Landseer image from: http://www.wilsonsalmanac.com/horned_god.html)

Self-Instruction Through Shouting

For many years, I made very pubic statements about how thaumaturgy, doing magick to affect others and the outside world, was wrong. My work was all theurgy, or god-work, as I was only trying to affect myself. My goal was to become a more spiritual human and become a purer reflection of divinity. I see little harm in the latter goal. My objection to thaumaturgy was the fallout. I felt I had no right to do magick to change my job situation, for example, because it may cost someone a job that needed it much more than I. There were other, far more sinister examples of why this fallout should be avoided as well.

Now, as readers of this blog are aware, I do thaumaturgy from time to time. When I do so, I am as surgical as possible in order to reduce fallout. So, what were all those public statements about? They were about myself. I was instructing myself through shouting. I was telling myself I wasn't ready to do such things. I was right at the time. I am glad I listened. I am equally glad I can discard previously held views.

My observation is that I am not alone in using this technique. I've watched other's espouse certain points of view that they do not uphold in practice. I've also watched other folks espouse points of view that are necessary for them in the moment. I perceive this much along the lines Jason posted about the other day. They are expressing a level of truth concurrent with their understanding of the moment. Don't we all?

Most people are quieter. They do not express their spiritual views and therefore they do not use the self-instruction by shouting technique. Instead, they use self-instruction by thought. They hold negative views of the actions, feelings, or expressed thoughts of others. They baste in them. Not yet aware that these views should be used as internal instructions rather than external judgements. 

In both cases, self-instruction is being externalized. In the former, there is a more likely chance of a realization taking place sooner because the thoughts are out there. Thus, the shouter will receive contradictory input. Those that hold their thoughts in are less likely to encounter the opposite point of view. Therefore, they are less likely to spot the third thing -- the apex of the triangle of opposing forces. 

Finding that third thing is enlightenment. It is not an all-knowing enlightenment but enlightenment about one concept or group of concepts. It is the taking of one more step upon the path of spiritual growth and personal maturity. Shouting is okay. Silence is okay. Yet both must be undertaken within an attitude of being willing to learn. 

Interesting...

I have found a couple of things interesting over the last couple of days.

As I've mentioned, phase I and II of the refurbishing is complete. The paint is deep green and a light yellow. The yellow became brighter and brighter as more was applied. YIKES! My Gal's mom added a small lamp and changed the focus for me when I sit in my favorite spot to calm it down. Then the tile was installed. Yellow became three different shades of green depending upon the angle. You can see them all at once. It is like having a green hued rainbow in the kitchen. I am told that once the hardwood floors are laid down, the colors will change again. 

My experience of the colors keeps changing based about what is 'without' that color. Context changes everything. Somewhere in that, is some wisdom that I'm not fully wise enough to understand. 

Secondly, you may have noticed from some postings, I've had a hard time of late. Today, My Gal took it upon herself to clean my temple space of all the dust from the jackhammering.I entered the room and positive energy almost knocked me over. There is a holy space in my house. It felt good to rediscover that.

Not Much Today

No magickal stuff today. Today's act is merely a post of discipline. 

My mentor's mentor had a daily diary. Some entries just read, "It rained today." This was just a notation as a sign of discipline. So, to is this post.

Frater RO's post on Know, Will, Dare and Keep Silent

In response to Frater RO's post on know,will, dare and keep silent. I offer this for the keep silent part. I've never been good at the keep silent part (hence this blog). I ripped this off form this blog.

Quote for the Day

April 4, 2009

Then what prevents you from seeing and hearing Him? Truly, there is so great a din in your heart, and so much loud shouting from your empty thoughts and fleshly desires that you can neither see nor hear Him. Therefore, silence this restless din, and break your love of sin and vanity. Bring into your heart a love of virtues and complete charity, and then you shall hear your Lord speak to you.

— Walter Hilton, The Stairway of Perfectio

Stavish Meditations Continue

The following post covers three topics as they occurred. First is a report of the fallout of my Stavish Purification mediation last night. Then my house renovations, which includes a reflection of that fall out. Finally, tonight's Stavish purification meditation.

Stavish Meditation Fallout:

As reported, I did the Stavish meditation last night. Later, I could not sleep as my issues with my old coven flaired up along with some other issues since. What a mix! I didn't sleep until 2:30 AM. I even fired off an email to my mentor about those issues. I haven't done that in six months. My old obsessions and need to express them are gone, thanks to some goetic work. That doesn't mean my point of view has changed. However, I may have received a clue. Part of my issue is that no one has admitted the slightest of wrong doing. My HGA told me that they are fully aware of the damage done, regret it but are unable to apologize. I should forgive them for that last weakness. As a person that has apologized for my part in things as I see it, I find it unfathomable that others can not do the same. Yes, it is hard but occultist should be used to hard. Maybe, I am simply not a good enough human being to accept other's weaknesses especially after being publicly humiliated for having weaknesses of my own by these folks. I shall try. Frankly, I don't think I have it in me. 

My HGA also told me that my issues with this will not go away no matter what. The neural pathways are burnt and seeking things to change is akin to an amputee wanting the limb to grow back. I doubt this message. I reject messages of unavoidable doom as much as I reject those of ego. I shall persevere.

House Stuff:

The prior owners were interesting folks. When I bought this place the real estate market was in the early part of the boom. I placed bids on seven houses. Seven times someone came in with cash and I didn't get my place of choice. When I placed a bid on this house, their agent said that he'd hand the bid over in twenty-four hours. My agent told him that she keeps getting the same response and I've lost to cash offers. He was unmoved but mentioned it to the owners as he presented a cash offer and my own. They accepted my offer out of compassion. It was very kind of them. Both of them were employed by one of the most conservative churches in town. I have no doubt they'd have second thoughts if they knew of all the occult activity that has taken place here since.

When we pulled off the kitchen linoleum we found that had set it down using a thin layer of concrete over the last bit of linoleum. Fortunately, that did not prove to be a problem. The tile was laid right over it. The problem was the entry way tile. This stuff was half an inch thick and they used half an inch of Thin Set (tile adhesive) mixed with something else. What the other component was is any one's guess. The first whack with a SLEDGE HAMMER did NOTHING. Twenty whacks later, shrapnel flew about the place. One tile had been damaged. 

Enter the jack hammer. 

Three to four hours later the demolition was complete. Twenty four hours later, the tile is in and looking wonderful. However, my entire house is coated with dust. The dust is so thick that after dusting I find myself needing to dust again. This is going to be a long cycle of doing all the laundry multiple times and dusting the house over and over. I have four hundred books in my library. I have no desire to dust them once, much less over and over. 

The above Stavish related melt down above was reflected physically today. A light bulb in my office melted nearly causing a fire. It would have had I not been in the room, saw the smoke and turned off the light. I'm not saying those issues make me fiery but an instrument that produces light was destroyed by fire.  If I continue the metaphor, my home was saved because I was present. Therefore, I must remain present in the moment to continue the work or I will melt down and the light will die. 

Did I mention the place is looking great? Tomorrow the grouting will be complete and my tiling done! In a few weeks, I will have bamboo floors. in the living room and down the hallways. Once done, I will likely start on the guest bathroom. I've caught the bug. Sooner or later, my financially conservative side will kick up and work will stop. I am amazed it hasn't already. 

Today's Stavish meditation was difficult because I was tired. The issues that came up had to do with social things in school as a kid. I can see how those are related to how I feel about my former group. The Pan voice kicked in and once again tried the following tactics:

1. He never approved of the coven activities concerning me but let them happen for a greater good.

2. He wants me now and is willing to compel me into service or is willing to make a deal.

I moved past Pan as he isn't the point of the meditation. I 'ejected' some of the baggage but had a hard time filling myself with light. 

As a side note, I've been burning up hot the last week or so. I feel like I am having menopausal hot flashes from time to time. I am really really burning up as I type this.

Stavish Purification Exercise

Tonight, I performed the Stavish purification exercise for the first time. It works like this.

See a moon above and to one's left and a sun above to the right. See the sun's energy reflected from the moon and moon impart form. I have no idea how to visualize the moon imparting form. Then, the two orbs reflect light down to the top of your head forming a triangle, apex down. Next, one feels the energy enter one's aura/body and pushing out mental/emotional waste through the lower openings. Once accomplished, allow the light to fill up the body and radiate peace, joy, etc. Rest within that feeling and close with a prayer of thanks.

I was amazed at the things that were ejected so quickly. Feelings of my first marriage came up. Items of my first occult group that ended so poorly etc. They came up and I quickly ejected them. The feeling of peace was quite profound and very pleasant. I felt physically lighter. 

First Stavish Purification Exercise

Last night before going to bed, I tried to do the Stavish purification exercise, which be outlined later when I have a tad more time. I focused on the visual, let the energy flow into my body and instantly remembered an important task that needed to be accomplished immediately. I performed that task and went to bed.

I feel that was an odd success and a failure. It was a failure because I was distracted from the task. It was a success because I calmed down all of my mind very quickly and that one task that was important popped up. If that only happens once, that will be okay by me. 

House

Family came by to remove my old tile and linoleum. They found that both were set in concrete. No kidding. Who sets linoleum in concrete? There is someone using a jack hammer as I type. I suppose it would be polite to stand out there and keep them company. 

Cherry Hill Seminary

I had a phone interview yesterday with Cynthia Collins, Academic Dean of Cherry Hill Seminary. 

Color me impressed. 

I applied to Cherry Hill looking to expand my education so I can assist those going through the changes all initiatory traditions create. Frankly, it is an on-line school and I didn't expect much. I was hoping for the best but, realistically, on-line schools can be flaky. I gave it a shot because WitchDoctorJoe has had a positive experience. Knowing Joe, I know he could make a positive experience out of a questionable academic situation because he'd apply himself. He could create the discipline within when none was required without. Yet, Joe never complained about the lack of academics. The problem is, you could kick Joe in the shins three times a week and he wouldn't complain. You'd just wake up dead one morning. 

After speaking with Cynthia I was most impressed. I was impressed with her and the school. 

First, the school. Cherry Hill's expanding academic curriculum is impressive.  One can obtain a Master's of Divinity (doesn't that sound GOOD) Degree with a number of specialties Textual Traditions and Interpretation; Nature Divinity and Inspiration; Pastoral Care and Counseling; Public Minstry and Expression;  and Advocacy in Venues. I may have the names slightly wrong and I haven't checked the website to verify my chicken scratch notes. I am simply too busy with the house renovations to be a diligent writer at the moment.  Their instructors even include a rabbi that specializes in 13Th century kabbalah! I am beside myself! My problem isn't finding a specialty it is picking from among so many. I feel like My "Pisces" Gal, "One of everything, please." 

The school has academic standards that are every bit as tough as a brick and mortar university. Going part time, I will take me six years to obtain this degree. Six years. This is not a degree mill. 

I was impressed with Cynthia because she is takes a lot of pride of what she does. You can hear it in her voice. She is excited about Cherry Hill. She is working to improve what she already sees as great. You can hear the pride in her voice when she talks about her job and what the school is doing. How many people can you say speak of their workplace with pride?  On a personal level, she picked up on things about me that were true that I didn't realize I was conveying. There is only one way to do that. Listening. To be that perceptive you have to actively listen and care about the perfect stranger you are speaking with. The cynical side of me actually felt like I could go to her with any problems I faced at the school and get them resolved. My kind side will always believe what I am told. She convinced my cynical side. Not many do that.

The incoming class will be their first Master Degree students. I am really hoping to be in that first class. I suppose that preference will be given to folks that are already enrolled and that is how it should be. I can want it anyway. If not, I am in the certificate program and I will upgrade as soon as I can. 

Note:

I will be working off-line with Frater LVF of this blog per his request, as we work through the Stavish book. Expect some posts comparing our work, as long as he agrees. My personal Stavish work will be continually blogged about, as you have come to expect. It will be a few days before I can seriously get started. We are almost done with the painting. Promise.