Sunday, August 18, 2013

I Am Now, Not Then

Over the history of this space, I have written without obfuscation. I have written revealing my brilliance and idiocy. My confusion, pains, joys and persistence have been well-documented. The long time reader can easily see a change from February to the present. There is a clear line of demarcation.

Of late, I've been confronted by people expected the pre-February Robert. What they get is decidedly different. Their confusion is usually resolved in favor of easily accepted memories and emotional imprinting. The last time this happened, it occurred with a current friend whom I respect. I was slightly hurt. While at the same time understanding where her attitude came from.

I asked myself, what do I have to do to be perceived as I am? Of course this is the wrong question. It is seeking validation from without. This is a trick of the ego that leads us to do quite silly things. So, I ignored the ego-flash and let the question sit.

Today, someone said, "You are not difficult...unusual...but not difficult." I laughed and said there are many that would disagree. It wasn't long before I realized that I had done the same thing as my friend. I don't do this often out loud. Internally, I must do this even that I don't think I do.

So, how do I allow false memories to fade away and allow new definitions to hold sway?

It may be very much like letting that old trauma fade. Now, it feels like it happened almost to someone else. No. No.

It will not be like that. It will come from the very presence of my Greater Neschemah in my aware mind. This may be my next step or a concluding step. We will see.

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