I have mentioned previously that I have been doing a meditation using a personal mantra. The mantra uses qabalistic ontology to facilitate the the manifestation of the immortal aspect of the soul, Greater Neschemah, in this life. This is hard. It should be easy. After all, we are never 'unconnected' to our souls we are just unaware.
I have a mala containing 108 beads. I can meditate using other mantras using all 108 beads. This is easy. Using the Manifestation Mantra, I have only made it through 20 beads at most. The impact has been huge. I have the ambition to continue. My mind does not travel to unhealthy places. My emotions are of peace. I have been racked with back pain. Yet, my mind is at peace, even with the pain medications which normally carry a depressive quality to them. Unhealthy thoughts are easily dismissed. My food intake has been much improved. My body loves the new food.
I am still a cranky ass and get frustrated I am sure but I haven't been tested of late.
I have been doing this exercise at night just before retiring. This must change. The energy levels get so intense that I cannot sleep. I am going to make the effort to do this at rising. I can rest assured that it won't take long as twenty beads do not take much time. It may take longer as I grow into the practice.