I have been talking about my current emotional state with some close female friends. They have not had any cross conversations about the issue. I know this because while everyone has met, they do not engage socially very often. All of them have made the same analogy. "You are pregnant!" "It sounds like what women go through just before giving birth." "Could you be pregnant?"
Long time readers know that if I hear the same thing from three people that haven't talked to each other, I listen. I take that as a sign the Universe is talking to me.
Given my stage of development, I can see how a rosy outlook could make this analogy stick. I simply do not have a rosy outlook at the moment.
My back has been a total mess of late which means I am back on medications. A half-smart chimp knows that medications can enhance depression. However, why is my back messed up? Part of it is a physical thing I know I did but folks have long held that my back issues are emotional as well. So, I have an answer to those statements...FUCK THAT.
So, I am going to do some work with water to see if I can handle emotions differently. Water appears on the tree of life in Binah, Chesed, Hod and Malkuth. Yes, I am not dealing with the various paths in that statement. I am going to call on the angels of those sephiroth and ask them to align my emotional bodies in a healthy manner so they do not manifest as a physical problem. The only thing I have to lose is my sanity. Sanity is overrated anyway.
Tip for Young Occultists
I really value my female friends in the work that I do. At my age, they all have wisdom. If any male occultist doesn't have female friends and by friends I mean friends, not lovers, he is missing out on a ton of great insight and information.
As a young person, wisdom is hard to find within your age group. This is not a slam on young people. It is just that as a rule and on average wisdom comes to those that have made mistakes and seen the mistakes of others. Most young people haven't had that life experience yet. So, either gender should find some older people to talk to. Believe it or not, they have been where you are. They understand more than you think they do. Males should definitely find females for this. Though, I am in no way saying to avoid men. I am just saying that females see things from a different perspective.
It is my guess that the opposite could be true for young women. However, I have not been a young woman in this life. So, it hard for me to make that judgment.