Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Malaise

I've worked at this stuff for many years. I've never tried to be scholar. I've simply tried to do the work. The watchword I was trained with was, "I seek to learn that I may serve." I have worked to help people over the years. I've done everything from teaching public and private classes, to individual counseling  and magick.

I've cured a few headaches. My Gal gives me credit for helping to keep her alive but so many magicians worked on that, I can take no credit for that. Those that I have seen grow over the years have done so on their own efforts. Those that have failed have simply succumb to their own fears and issues. That formula is obvious. Yes, experienced folks can point things out from time to time but success or failure depends on the other. They choose to succeed or fail. It is as simple as that.

I feel like I haven't helped. Not for a lack of effort but that helping is overrated and not all that possible, except in minor increments.

A lot of GD work is around personal spiritual growth. I feel I have grown a lot, even though the universe reminds me of past errors at an alarming rate. I am not the same guy. I am a better magician.

I feel like it doesn't matter.

My most exciting work of late has been with meditation. Most of the time I like it. It may make life interesting for a while. I may learn something.

I feel like everything else I have learned, it won't really matter.


4 comments:

Simon Tomasi said...

It's a hard path that you walk, but please don;t give up. Here are some words that will hopefully inspire you...

A seed breaks down in the soil, a caterpillar breaks down in its cocoon. Each restructures itself and emerges in a new form that is able to interact in new ways with the world around it.

When the drive from Netzach for victory slows, the regularity and empathy in Hod can keep you going if you continue to keep up a daily/weekly practice.

Netzach and Hod work together step by step. Oscillate too far from one to the other and it causes imbalance such as a feeling of invincibility to listless sense of vulnerability. Balance in all things.

Simon Tomasi said...

You may find this post helpful: http://magianrumination.blogspot.com/2011/02/imposing-discipline-with-four-banger.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+MagianRumination+%28Magian+Rumination%29

I bought & read the "Mastery" book which has helped me to structure my practice to keep it going at a fairly even and maintainable pace.

Robert said...

Simon, which side leads to invincibility and which to vulnerability?

Hod = invincibilty
Netzach = vulnerability

Simon Tomasi said...

Rob, correct that is my (limited) understanding of Netzach and Hod. I'll post an extract oon my blog from Rabbui Aryeh Kaplan's "Inner Space" that sums it nicely.