In Vicodin Veritas?
In yesterday's post, I mentioned that I am learning to accept my own enlightenment. Please understand that I am not saying I am an enlightened master merely that I am more enlightened than before.
I feel this is important in that I can let go of a lot of past mistakes because I have learned those lessons. I no longer have to view myself as a seeker but more as one who has learned and will be challenged to learn more. Because of this, my prayers have morphed. I am asking the transcendent version of the Helpful Deity* as well as, Hermes to keep me within the path of continual enlightenment. I pray this throughout the day. In fact, I often find my mind defaulting to these thoughts and prayers. While it isn't quite living in the now, it is a much more pleasant mental routine than I have ever had before.
Today, I was sitting at work and overcome with this sense of peace, joy and love. The peace and joy were my own. The love was for everybody, friends, "enemies", coworkers, strangers, everybody. My physical head felt lighter. I experienced a tingling sensation in the middle of my forehead. The sensation moved down until it encompassed the top of my head. It stopped about midway down my nose. The emotional result was not unlike the sometimes pleasant happy love I'd feel when I was on Vicodin. The drug didn't always cause that feeling but it did on occasion. The pleasant feeling of the drug seemed to occur more often in the months preceding my back healing. This thought reminded me of In Vino Veritas (in wine there is truth).
I have been pondering the nature of what I have been experiencing. In many ways it is a release of negative self-images but without glorifying the ego. It is the beginning of letting go of some self-identities (ie. mean-Robert, magician-Robert, worker-Robert, ignorant-Robert, knowledgeable-Robert). My mind is experiencing more thoughts of compassion than frustration, anger or anything else. The odd negative or undesirable thought is quickly eschewed for more positive things. Most of the time, part of me rejects the negative over the positive before I realize the negative mantra was even there.
My mentor has asked me to give him details of what I am experiencing. I have little. These are more intangible perceptions landing on gossamer wings. There is no magickal big bang. I am not all that different from how I was last week. Yet, I am getting different.
* The Helpful Deity is a female deity who will not allow me to use her name publicly.
P.S. My teaching editor felt that I left some confusion in my last post due to a turn of phrase. To clarify, I am not dating my mentor.