Is American Goetia Dangerous?

Anonymous asked if American Goetia is dangerous. S/he has heard that regular Goetia is dangerous. I have to answer that on several levels.

Is the Lesser Key of Solomon, commonly referred to the Goetia, dangerous?

As a book no, it pretty much just lays there. I have never been attacked by it. The Lesser Key has not done so much as fall off a shelf in my presence.Working that magick in that book can be a different story. Warning, I am going to say stuff other magicians are going to disagree with. Put on your asbestos shorts.

People tend think of these guys as serial killers. This is not true for all of them. Some of them even try to help. Think of your crazy aunt that decides you are dating the wrong man and pushes you to go on just one date with a man she thinks is just perfect for you. Every time she sees you she pushes you to date Charlie. You finally relent. The date with Charlie is a disaster. Your beau finds out and drops you. You are miserable but you have survived your encounter with a demon of Venus.

How much better would life be if you put your aunt to work for you? What if your crazy aunt was instructed to help you and your man learn to cook healthier meals for each other? In this manner your love life improves, your health improves and you are happier. Isn't this what your aunt wanted in the first place?

Some spirits may as well be Charles Manson. An astute person may have noticed he only killed a select few. I'd rather deal with any goetic spirit over Dick Cheney. At least I'd have a chance with a demon. Cheney can shoot a man in the face and the man had to apologize for getting in the way!

The trick is attitude.

1. Check your ego at the door. If you run into Dick Cheney, RUN. Actually, banish and get the 'hell' out of there. You've discovered something you cannot handle. Come back when you're better, stronger, faster than you were before. Just make sure you do come back.
2. Your job as a magician is NOT to control the demon. Your job is to help him help the universe instead of acting like a crazy aunt. Fortunately for you, the first lesson you give it just happens to be useful to you.
3. Be prepared to go on an adventure. You will make your own animal sacrifice but losing part of your animal self. If you fight that, you're doomed.The blogosphere has seen one such magician go through a heroic ordeal. Dare, I say, he is the better for it.

Fortunately, I haven't had to face much more than a hidden wallet in my ordeals with these guys. I have a few theories as to why. All of them may be true or none of them.

1. Aside form building a spirit box for them, I made them no offerings. The first thing these guys want is for you to make a deal. I advise against that. Well, I did send some energy to one once to help him out on a project. It didn't seem like it made any difference. These guys can build Solomon's temple. Do they really need my energy?
2. I got lucky by picking the spirits I did or happening to land them on a good day.
3. I am a poor magician and maybe only got a little bit of them. Over time that little bit manifested the good parts and not the bad. 
4. As a worker of initiatory traditions, I've seen initiatory fall out happen before the initiation. This may have happened with my first one. I once asked him why he never interfered with my current teacher. In answer to that, he apologized for fucking with me and my first 'teacher'. You haven't lived until you've been apologized to by a demon. Then he said, he couldn't mess with the second relationship because, "Neither of you would let me."
5. One of my few natural magical talents is being willing to learn a lesson. I don't actively try to fight them. I may get hopelessly confused. I may fail to learn but I am always willing to learn. Once you've taken the Oath of the Abyss, you have no choice in things like that. 
6. The first words out of my mouth when the spirit appears is, "I do not want any animosity between me and thee." You can feel them relax at that point. Wouldn't you after a few centuries of being called up by pompous windbags calling you fowl things and ordering you about like some slave?

American Goetia, Is it Dangerous?


From what I've been told Goetia isn't a term a that means demon invocation. It means an evocatory method of magick or some such thing. I'm sure someone will point out the exact meaning for me. That said, culturally the term has some dangerous connotations. I am sure being given that name implies a level of danger. 

Here are the signs of danger ahead:

1. No one has worked with these spirits before. There is no way to prepare myself for them through study.
2. The Solomonic formula I know may not apply. It likely doesn't except in the most rudimentary ways.
3. I have no idea how powerful the forces are that I am about to wake up. 
4. I have been flat out told through spirit communication that there are some things one cannot do with this system as they are absurdly dangerous.
5. I have been told the warning signs for dangerous spirits that I will encounter.
6. I have no idea what danger I may face. Therefore, I can only rely on my own experience to prepare for whatever it may be.

 My goal is to create a workable system that isn't dangerous for others. At the very least, I will establish a safety protocol. I am reasonably sure I will not get through this completely unscathed. Adventure is afoot!

As for another opinion, a magician I know that has done things that I find incredibly dangerous in his experimentation said, and I quote, "And people say I'm dangerous."

Questions from the Nutty Professor

S/he asked if I would be working the system myself. Yes. I will be evoking as many spirits as I can over an extended period of time. This is a very long term project. The system yields and extraordinary number of spirits. I am pretty sure I will not be able to evoke them all in a lifetime. At some point, I will have to publish the system as I learned it and let others contribute.

S/he asked what the Orobas 'wants from me' and says that the spirit sounds pretty vague.

I am not sure that Orobas wants anything. He simply revealed a system. Revealing this particular system does fit with some tasks that I suppose fits in line with my HGA's instructions when I first had knowledge and conversation. For that reason, I will work this system. Given that I am 100% sure of my HGA contact, I can say this is within the realm of my tasks generally speaking. That said, as real as that contact was, I never fully solidified it. Therefore, American Goetia work will necessitate allowing my HGA manifest more directly.

That said, I published only the first communication on the American Goetia site. When I went back through my old notes, I found discussions spanning over months. I do have concrete information to work with.

Once Again My Bullshit Has Been Corrected

Today, I received my second Reiki initiation. I once wondered how anyone could take a system like Reiki seriously. I mean all you have to do is walk up to a random stranger, pay them some money and you get initiated. My BS detector went off.

Reiki has already impacted my magick by adding lack of ownership to my magickal vocabulary. Immediately after this initiation, we did some Reiki. I could feel the difference between the energy of my own concentration and the Reiki energy. Through that I was able to 'not concentrate' and thus gain a greater focus.

Upcoming Post

Anonymous asked me if American Goetia TM was dangerous as s/he heard that goetia was. My views on goetia have changed over the years. I look forward to writing this one. I also expect to get blasted a bit by anyone that has practiced from the Lesser Key.

American Goetia II

Last night, I went to bed thinking of the American Goetia. I felt astral as I fell off to sleep. Nearly, immediately a dream came to me. I saw a very peculiar brown earthy mixture that looked like finely shredded tree bark. There was an awareness that this was a fertilizing ground cover. One could surmise that it is a warning that I am about to fall into the shit. I don't think so. Perhaps it is saying that I am making the ground fertile. We shall see.

I know the dream was immediate because I woke up about a half hour after going to bed and clearly remembered the dream.

I reviewed my notes today and was astonished to find how much work I had done on this previously. There are notes covering every day for a week and sporadic notes for months after. I have a philosophical outline, techniques, warnings and a full symbol set. The last was the only thing I really recalled. Even that, I didn't remember fully. We may be ready for actual practice quicker than I thought.

I will make a note here whenever I update the website. I did that today but only to add some Amazon links. I figured it couldn't hurt.

The American Goetia

I posted earlier today about my planned work with the American Goetia. This is a system of evocatory magick brought to me by a spirit of the Lesser Key of Solomon, also known as the Goetia. This system uses spirits born in the lands of North America.

This announcement was rather impetuous. I have had this cooking since January 1, 2008 but never pursued it. I plan to rectify that in the relatively near future. The problem is that my mentor has warned me off of goetia in my present stage of development. He likely has good reason but I feel now is the time for this particular activity. I'm sure he'll watch in wry amusement if I blow myself up.

In order to protect any copyright to the name American Goetia, I have purchased a website and created a quick page. In time, that will fill out into a commercial enterprise. The domain has not propagated across the web yet. The address is AmericanGoetia.com.

The Golden Dawn Systems have some Sucky Parts

Readers of this blog know well my feelings for Alexandrian Wicca. My experience with it was horrible. To this day, I regret my neophyte initiation into that tradition. However, in watching the behavior of others within my tradition, I want to rush in and claim "Hey the Golden Dawn isn't like that!" I call bullshit.

I have pointed out that one must see the entire picture. Jesus may be the transcendent logos. He is also the diety that supports the wacko meanness of the Christian right. Yahweh maybe me the loving father of Christ. He is also a war of God. Jesus is Lord of all of his domain,the good and the bad. You can't have it one way. Well, I suppose you can, if you like. You can claim the transcendent form has nothing to do with the immanent form.

What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Therefore, I must admit this poor behavior I have watched with pity over the years is also the result of the GD systems. There is much good to be found in the quiet orders but there is also a negative in them as well. I'm sure there is some quiet good going on in the 'famous' lodges that is overshadowed by the sad public events.

From this I must conclude that there may be a very positive side to Alexandrian Wicca. Frankly, I've never seen it. That does not mean it isn't there. I've likely painted the tradition with too broad a brush. Maybe Alexandrian Wicca is toxic to me. Maybe it was just those people. Maybe it was just those people in just that time period of their lives. Recent events over the illness of a friend seemed to reinforce my view that their thinking is so far from my own that I find it incomprehensible. Yeah, so what? I don't think they get me either.

The point of this is two-fold.

I was about to post something that was an attempt to defend my tradition. Fuck that. Defending my tradition from public displays of smallness is just an exercise in my own lower ego. I know what I got out of an what it can offer is so much more. There is no point in convincing others of that fact.

The second was that I need to take a more wholistic approach to a lot of things. Perhaps this forced recognition of the other side of the coin, well help me to transcend such dualities. I don't expect that any time soon but steps are steps.

Impetuous Plan Made Not so Impetuous

About a year or two ago, I had a moment that I didn't post about. I received a magickal download. The information came hard and fast over two or three days. For about a week, I contemplated the information. I even played with it a bit intellectually. After that, I did nothing.The download came with a bit of ego stroking.

The reason for that was the information came from one of the spirits of the Lesser Key of Solomon. It involved a series of symbols that could be merged and taken apart like a set of spiritual Legos. These Legos could call a new set off demons from this land. In effect, I was given the beginning keys to American Goetia. My plan was to conjure these planetary spirits, write my own grimorie and publish it using the title American Goetia.

As I was working on the What I Learned This Year post, previously mentioned the other day, I realized I have the ability to conjure nearly anything. I've contacted a heretofore unknown spirit using a simple ritual of my own design using a skryer that I have confidence in, I've conjured goetic spirits, shemhamphoresch angels, Enochian spirts and made contacts with a set of gods.

I contacted my HD partner, Flower, this morning. I also call her the Brave One as does HD. In an act of foolishness, trust in me on a level I cannot comprehend or extraordinary bravery, she has agreed to evoke some of these beings. I have no idea if this will get to the grimorie/book stage. I have a lot of such plans that I haven't shown the dedication to make real. However, I am pretty sure evocation of one such spirit is indeed going to happen.

I wanted to rush out and just do this. Instead I am going to collect my notes which uncharastically are stored in an easy to find binder. Then I will work out a rite, divine and the like. Then we will work on it.

Stay tuned to this channel for updates.

Other Notes

Since meeting with the Rabbi, my father has spoken to me respectfully about magick. After asking about certain principals and hearing my answer he exclaimed, "You can teach that?" Previously, my father just sort of smirked when the topic came up. I'm not sure if he now associates my work with an 'accepted religion' or if it is somethign else. However, the change in attitude is so remarkable, I thought I'd record it in this space.

The incomplete and yet unpublished What I've Learned This Year post has been an interesting experience. Though, it isn't the easiest thing blog post I've written. It is giving me much more confidence a magician. I feel like I'm always searching around for skills I don't think I have. In reading this last year's posts, I realize I have better skills than I have internalized, have learned a great deal and do a lot of freaking work. Reviewing has proved more fruitful than embarrassing. Though there are embarrassing moments of course. I feel much less embarrassed than I thought I would. I am finding it easier to accept my humanness.

Hyper Focus Results in Being Present

Today being Christmas day, I spent eight hours with my family. My family and I don't get on too well. We have such different perspectives on the world that there is very little common ground to bond over. Love is mixed with pains and animosity. Some members I love, others I prefer to love from a distance. There is one that I'd simply prefer stayed at a distance. This makes my family events exercises in forbearance.

Today, I woke up practicing the hyper focus as I mentioned in yesterday's post cleverly entitled Hyper Focus. Given that I was tired, I wasn't as good at it the second time around. I wasn't paying attention to each movement and the like. I did succeed in being very present.

Being present at the family function morphed it from controlled anger to a pleasant time. There was good conversation. People that don't normally hug me hugged me. The person I would prefer would simply stay at a distance was actually warm and loving.

There was a brief moment of annoyance. A continually present non-family member was there. She has always annoyed me. It didn't matter if she was perfectly civil or not. It was just a personality issue. I simply don't like her. There is no animosity or bad blood. Tonight at dinner, I was present -- the observer. I found that being present made me more aware of my subtle bodies. I could feel her aura pushing on mine. This was the source of annoyance I've always had with her. I pushed her aura back a bit and strengthened mine, problem solved.
I will never be friends with her. However, I doubt I will be so annoyed the next time she is around.

It occurred to me this being present in the moment may help with my frustration issues at work. If I take each phone call, email and request as something totally new and attach only enough history to put the request in terms of customer service, I may succeed in being less frustrated. We shall see.

Hyper Focus

For a good portion of the day, I've been reading this year's posts. I am writing an entry that will be titled What I Learned This Year. I've gleaned a great deal by reading those posts. That isn't the point.

Something else happened. For reasons unexplained I hit upon the idea of hyper focus. This is doing everything by being very aware of what you are doing, paying attention to each keystroke as I type, refusing to digress in word or thought as I do so. I watched a scene from a nameless movie this way. I think in watching that scene, I was more alive in that moment than I have been in a month. I know, I haven't experienced a movie or television show like that since I was a kid.

I have endeavored since this hyper focus idea struck me to remain utterly in the moment as I cooked, ate, cleaned, watched the movie. Feelings of loneliness do not occur nor do feelings on longing. I feel strong like a young man. Oddly, it hasn't been much mental work. I haven't had to bring my mind back. It seems very willing to stay there. My neck and skull muscles do tend to tighten. I am taking moments of focus to relax them.

I believe I have heard the term mindfulness to describe such things. The label doesn't matter. I believe this is a worthy experiment to continue and I shall.

Non-Ownership/Reiki Initiaition/Unable to Communicate

The impacts of the Reiki initiation continue.

I am really focused on this idea of non-ownership. In Reiki, the concept is simple as far as the energy movement is concerned. In my mental, magical and emotional processes the idea is simple. Really knowing it, as I know the aces of the tarot, is a different story.

This is very difficult to explain. The idea of no longer owning the walls in my mind that separate me from the universe is personally baffling. I've meditated on that one idea. I like where it takes me but I truly do not understand.

Another idea is forming. That of false ownership.There are things I have taken personally/emotionally that simply aren't personal. In fact, they are utterly impersonal. They may hit me like a truck which is personal but the forces behind them are not. This is very interesting.

I am also having a very hard time blogging. The reader may have noticed much shorter posts and less opinion. The things I am experiencing now are getting harder and harder to communicate. It is as if language falls short of the mark. I don't even have the mental language, which is probably a good thing.

Follow Up on Those Who Needed Healing

The woman with the bug has recovered nicely from its removal. She says her life is the same but changed.

The person that I do not know reports a series of incremental improvements.

The PhoenixAngel reports the migraine did not return.

These things do my heart some good. I would like to continue doing such work. It is good putting all this magickal training to good use.

Reiki Odd

Tonight, I worked on a someone I haven't met. The feelings and visuals were intense.

Once that was done, my astral self returned to me and I had the idea of using it to perform Reiki on myself. This was very odd as my consciousness was with my body but my astral body felt nearly physical when it touched me. I had thought that if those bodies touched, they would snap back into the whole. I simply kept telling myself to trust the Reiki.

I treated myself just as I treated my Reiki initiator. At one point, I could have sworn there was three of me my physical body and mind, the astral body touching me with the Reiki (though the touch was not continual) and a much lighter part of me that can see better on the astral. The latter part of me rose up within a white dome that had hole in the center. I was very high off the ground but nowhere near the opening. When I sought the opening, I stopped. That reminded me to trust the Reiki. The three of me stayed in place for a while until it ended. 

The amount of light I saw for both myself and the someone I worked on was phenomenal.

New Mindset

The Reiki initiation has already vastly influenced my magick. I've been asked to heal others in times past. I used to call myself a human aspirin. If you could buy something over the counter for your ailment, I was your man. I also had some success with a severe mental illness. However, I thought I was confusing the poor woman's doctors as the medication doses changed when I worked on her versus when I didn't. So, I stopped. When I've done things like that in the past, I used my own natural energies. When I worked Reiki on my teacher, I quickly learned that the energy is not mine at all. If I tried to use my own the flow got all messed up. Once I realized that, things were a cinch.

A friend of mine asked me to aid her with a migraine tonight. Naturally, she was put up to asking by the nefarious My Gal. I did what I would have done normally. I except I placed my astral hands as I would in Reiki. No more migraine. The only part of me in that was getting there as this person lives in Bakersfield.

Rain Rain Go Away

Fresno is under assault by storm clouds. Most of the San Joaquin Valley is. The prediction was for dire storms. This afternoon, there was a very heavy downpour. Unusual enough that it drew people onto their porches to watch. I wondered if I could punch a hole in the clouds. So, I focussed like I learned with Reiki. I didn't punch a hole in the clouds but the focal point of my efforts turned from dark gray to white. I watched over a five minute span the whiteness grew until covered the patch of sky I could see. The rain stopped.

I am not taking credit for stopping the rain. That wasn't my intent. I am merely reporting a magick effort and what happened immediately after that effort. Perhaps the rain would have ended in that moment anyway. Perhaps not.


Philosophy

The concept of Reiki and not owning the the process is going to color my magickal thought for quite some time. I just love learning new things.

How to Avoid Absorbing Energy from Healing

In a comment to a previous post, the Nutty Professor asked, "Can you tell me how you avoid absorbing the energy/affliction of others when healing them? Or how to "turn off" your empathy? I am sorry if I don't use the right words but I hope you understand me."

That is an excellent question. I will answer in a way that I would have answered at the time of making that post, as my interactions with Flower and The Psychic have taught me and then with my new found understanding from my Reiki initiation.

How I'd respond from a magick point of view...

In magick there is a law of contagion. Any object that has touched another object can be used to influence the other object. I extend that to believe that any contact with another human during magick expands our soul to accept another facet of reality. This a good thing, even if that reality is warped, delusional and problematic. Though, on a fundamental mental health perspective, it can be a most troubling problem indeed. Yes, I know those are contradictions.

One of the things you do magickally to stop that sort of feedback is doing basic banishing rituals like the LBRP and the somewhat lesser known Banishing Ritual of the Hexagram (BRH) immediately before and after such work. These are very good at breaking up those astral ties. They are not so good at a physical level. By that I mean you're not going to banish a stray dog from your living room that wondered in through your doggy door.

Advice form the Psychic

Check in with yourself regularly. Ask, is this my emotion or someone else's?

Of late, I've experienced this a couple of times. The first was when Flower, the woman I do Helpful Deity work with became depressed. I became depressed too. I suppose the brain has to have a reason to explain such feelings to itself. I dredged up all sorts of regrets from my past to explain why I was depressed. Things that are legitmate life regrets but nothing in my current awareness. That was the tip off. I asked Flower if she was sad. She said yes. Her reasons were tied to the reasons my mind dredged up. I immediately understood there was bleed through. I accepted that and my mood went back to my own. Banishing would begin cutting ties with my friend and I don't' want to do that.  Magick is about expanding the size of the soul. I suppose my advice there is the more you know your self and your patterns the better protection you have.

The second time was when the Psychic had a planned night of drinking. I had this overwhelming urge to drink. So, I went to the liquor store bought a brand of booze I don't normally buy and got drunk. I never drink alone. Two tips offs that I missed.

Reiki Advice

This answer comes from my intuitive understanding of Reiki from my initiation. I do not believe it was specifically taught. 

The healing energy of Reiki is very impersonal to the practitioner. I don't 'own' the energy. It isn't mine to give. I simply create connections that allow it to flow. This is more like turning on a spigot. The lack of 'self' put into the process prevents any feedback.

As I advance in the practice of magick, I give more value to the second two responses than the first. Which is not to say that I'd even think about advising a person learning the formal system of magick taught by Golden Dawn influenced groups not to banish. This is a very important part of those systems that should not be abandoned.

I hope that answer was useful to you.

Reiki Part Two

I was advised to do Reiki upon myself on a daily basis. Reiki is basically placing the hand on the body intuitively and allowing energy to flow. I was also advised to be very creative with the energy.

I placed my hand on the wall near where I invoke Raphael for the LBRP and tried to connect with him. My voice told me to vibrate their names first which I did. I reached into that vision of Raphael's wings I had not long ago and placed the other hand on my heart. My hands got hot. Eventually, I went to each archangel using different hand positions. I even dropped by my temple plant and gave it Reiki.

To say that I have a energy buzzing through my body is an understatement. Sensations are crawling up my legs. My crown chakra feels like it is on fire but in a good way. My mind does have that after meditation fuzzy feeling that I sometimes get from a less than perfect meditation.

Reiki and Dream

Reiki

I am now a certified Reiki practitioner. The class and attunement/initiation were very positive experiences. I will go back and get a level 2 from her as well. Initially, I don't think I gained much but I gained a certain something that took things to a new level. One of the things about Reiki is that it is easier to get out of your own way. There is less ownership of the energy moving around. Less? How about none? I think this will translate very well to other magickal work.

There isn't a great deal of point in describing the sensations and visuals. I did find it interesting that I found myself seeing eyes on the palms of my hands. This was followed up by doing reiki by seeing the energy flow through my hands. Very cool stuff. I put my initiator to sleep when I did the Reiki on her.

Dream

Last night I had a dream. Angels were trying to put a white robe on me. There was something written on the inside front just under the neck line. I never got my eyes up high enough to see it as the robe was too small. In other ways, I have to get rid of some stuff. There was a lot of focus on a clock it was either 9:45 or 9:48.

What is it Like?

A red scar
alive
a parasite of light
and fang
imbedded deep
skull pierced
bloodless

a burning heat
never felt
yet lived, acted out
sarcastic wit
raging fit
Shove the bastard away!
Shove the pain...
and only
cause more

wash me! cleanse me!
she knew
waiting waiting


sarcastic wit
raging fit
Shove the bastard away!
Shove the pain..

wash me! cleanse me!

finally a bath
she is clean
now what?
where is the pain?
the rage?
the wit?
who am I?

a questioned asked
in code
                                


The above written by request of Lavanah

Healing Others

In this post from earlier today, I mentioned doing some work healing my friend with the bug that scared the you-know-what out of psychics. I have since corresponded with her. Her mood has improved and she, "didn't wake up lost." Giving that to just one person for one day makes all the of my work worth while. Then she said this, "I have felt peaceful before but never at ease....this morning i did that" I will follow up on this for a while magickally.

I've also began working with another person on an obsession. That person reports mild improvement. I felt compelled to work on him on a given day. It turned out that was his birthday. I took that as an auspicious sign. I also sent him a list of three inanimate objects and asked if they meant anything to him. Two of those I made up. One of them I saw in my vision as I was aiding him. It turns out that he doesn't own the item in question but asked for something very similar as a gift. Another good sign. Though a bit more questionable, he did pick out the object closest and to what I saw and what I saw was not that far off the mark.

I also kept calling him by another name. He says the name means nothing to him but I strongly suspect there is meaning to it neither of us is aware of at the moment.

What Did I Kill Last Night and The Virgin Mary

What Did I Kill Last Night?

I've had a low grade fever for five days. My normal is well below normal so a fever of 100 is significant for me. It became annoying. Aside from fatigue and fever there were no other symptoms. I was getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. I previously mentioned that I was going to get rid of a bug attached to a friend of mine that scared the crap out of psychic readers. Three people in one day mentioned this may be a cause of my ills.

Around 10:00 last night, I popped into my temple room, did an LBRP and checked for signs of infestation. I saw strands that looked like jelly fish tentacles with  red claws tipped in bright yellow attached to my head. I created tiny banishing pentagrams of air at each point. I thought by removing the air, the fiery element would be snuffed out. The lines snapped and the claws fell out. I crushed them beneath my feet. The filaments wouldn't go away like that. So, I hit them with a bigger pent of the same type and they disintegrated. However, there was 'stuff' left over. I used my water chalice and dumped an endless stream of 'water' on the mess, which turned into green slime and washed away.

I immediately felt cooler.

Thinking these things were from my friend's bug, I went to her and dumped water on it from the chalice. It too turned into green slime. I called to the ocean to wash away the mess. I felt myself standing in its cool waters.

It took much longer than this to do but that is the basic description. Upon leaving the temple room, I found my temperature had dropped 1.5 degrees from the time I entered. That is about .1 degree a minute.

My temperature is now at my normal range. I made it to work today but left early. I'm still very tired but no fever at all.  Though, I thought I had one when I left for home. I haven't asked my friend with the bug if s/he felt anything different yet.

I thought that I killed some sort of appendages from my friend's bug or its larvae. Then I went back to work today. Normally, when I am out, I respond to my emails. I can get up to 150 a day. Fifteen of which are important. So, it behooves me to keep up. This time, I just didn't have it in me. This resulted in my being surprised that three of my five staff were out with the same symptoms. By noon, another one left.

I am now assuming I killed off some part of a flu bug that caused the fever. Those things were external. However, my body hasn't recovered. I don't think what was attached me was directly related to the bug on my friend. There were significant physical features (like all of them) that didn't match. I'm not sure I did the correct thing for myself. Fever fights things off. Maybe, I didn't help myself.


On War and the Virgin Mary

I didn't mention it but a couple of weeks ago, I had a vision of the Virgin Mary. I told her that I don't do war gods. Yes, I know she isn't but I do feel she is associated with them a bit too closely. She said, "We have a very different perspective on war." Part of my mind understood the overt meaning and subtle nuances. Part of me did not. Her statement has been weighing on my mind. She also expressed infinite patience.

Self Help

I have had a low grade fever for three days. I have been exhausted. There have been no other symptoms. Today is day four. Color me irritated.

I popped into the temple room intent on doing a middle pillar with healing intent. As I sat in the meditation chair, I remembered a YHVH meditation the rabbi shared with the group. This was shortly followed by the admonition not to teach it. Apparently, the good rabbi is concerned that teaching things to folks that are not ready to deal with the energies created can, and I quote, "blow their heads off".

Personally, I don't think this particular technique qualifies but what do I know? Keeping a secret someone wants you to keep is part of the discipline of magick. WitchDoctorJoe gave me one of his techniques once. I've used it. In fact, I thought of a variation of that technique I will use again. Even though hearing it from somewhere else gives me an out, I've never told a soul. You just don't do that. 


I know why he asked me to keep it secret. My choice there is that if I have a student that I judge can gain benefit from the technique, who is of sound judgment, good character, and isn't bat-shit crazy, I may...may...share the technique. That follows in the spirit of the promise. 


The problem with magickal promises is that breaking them in any way can come back to bite you on the ass. Before I did that with Joe's technique, I'd have to be very very sure the student was in need. The likelihood of such a need that couldn't be satisfied in another way is very small. However, the technique is so cool and useful, I wish I could teach it.


Why did I go into all that? Because someone is going to send me a comment or private email asking me about the rabbi's technique. No, I am not going to share. If you do enough reading on the qabala or kabbalah, I'm pretty sure you'd come across it on your own. It wasn't new to me. I've just never done it.

Back to today's magick. The meditation was cool. The visual focus slowly morphed into something more and more complicated. It ended when I simply couldn't focus on the complexities. I could have started over or just gone back a step. I didn't.

I then did a middle pillar with the intent to use the energy to heal myself.

I feel stronger. I cleaned up the house a bit. I washed the sheets etc. I have felt the energy of the exercise impacting my subtle bodies over the last couple of hours. How do I feel now? I have a low grade fever and I'm a bit tired. Shrug.

Some Follow-Up

I posted about an incredible experience here. Flower, myself, the Helpful Deity and Hermes all interacted. I wasn't able to express what happened in full. There are not words.

Several things have happened since.

Flower felt miserable for a couple of days. I have a mild flu, low grade fever etc. Coincidence? Maybe.

Flower just had a huge realization about her past behavior patterns, sources of those patterns and has been released from them. At least, she is aware of the beginning of release. This was a moment of theurgy.

The Rabbi Speaketh

So, I met with the good rabbi's group to study the Zohar in a more or less traditional manner. I have learned a few things.

First of all, I will not use the term Judeo-Christian again. My friend Lavanah told me to avoid it as it was generally offensive. I didn't understand. I'm sure I still don't but I understand a little more now. I did hear the terms 'we' and 'us' referring to events from near pre-history. The Jewish people are a tribe.  My first visit to the temple, seeing a more pagan-like celebration than I expected and feeling the power radiating from the holy place, was precursor to this understanding.

This brings new meaning to the term tribal god for me.

I gave rabbi my super secret humility test. When I see someone that radiates spiritual understanding and I can offer what are sincere well wishes and compliments, I do so. The rabbi is one of the few people I've ever met that closed his aura instantly, turned away and would not hear compliments. I'm sure you can practice that. I am sure he didn't. He passed.

There was teaching of the Zohar but more importantly teachings of the spirit and it was awesome. I took things home that I will share with those that seek my guidance. The group was very surprised to hear me say that there was nothing said there that I had not been exposed to in my Golden Dawn training. Nothing. There were of course nuances, subtleties and perspectives of language that were new but they were more in the way of intellectual spice.


As For My Part

I was asked to speak on the Golden Dawn and provide my lineage. I began by sharing the different spelling of Kaballah, Cabala and Qabala and their meanings. This was new to them but as I got to the q spelling someone wasn't fond of it blurted out, "Stay away from that," as she surmised what must have been coming. The rabbi would have none of it. Another such comment was made by the same person. Again, the rabbi intervened. He invited me back at that moment to emphasize his point.

I've never been asked to provide lineage before. The question taught me something. First of all, I have never thought of it because I don't care who my initiator's initiator's initiator's initiator was. Whatever impact that person had has been concealed by time. I've always known it is my teacher that matters and perhaps his. I provided those names too and added the commentary that since they didn't know the names, that didn't matter either.

I then added this thought that very much surprised the rabbi. I do not know if he never thought of it or didn't expect to hear it or thought I was full of beans. It has been my experience that students believe they are being taught by the master, which is amazing, considering it is really the other way around. So, perhaps the question shouldn't be, who are your teachers but who are your students. What have they done?

By that measure, a fellow by the name of Alfred Sepulvada, Jr., whose motto was I Shall Lead the Way, did a fine job indeed.


As for Me and the Rabbi

I don't know where it is going but he indicated he wanted me to come back and indicated he had some things to share with me next time. I am looking forward to that day.

Repost on the Golden Dawn (The Golden Blind)

I keep feeling the need to dig this up and repost it. I have no idea if it was for me to reread or someone else. Without addressing the Golden Dawn wars, it reveals my take on them. Follow this link. You can also find a link on the Notable Posts page which I am very slowly building. If anyone has suggestions for things that should be included there, let me know.

Follow-Up to Last Night

Flower and I have been experiencing the results of last night's work all day. I feel from time to time that I am a like a cup of Alka Seltzer. My body feels as if it is externally carbonated. I have felt the horns on and off all day. I have the sensation that the rite hasn't been completed.

Flower has been strangely out of her body or felt similar things all day. She says that the Goddess is still very present. Instead of describing the ritual as incomplete, she says it left things open.

I can honestly say last night was the most immediately powerful rite I've ever participated in. I feel like it was an initiation of sorts.

I do have follow ups to the meeting with the Rabbi and some other things but time is short. 

Helpful Deity Brings the Kundalini

Flower came by to call the Helpful Deity tonight. I had tried to write a mantra but failed. I shouldn't have bothered. The only thing that came of it was telling Flower that i wanted to call Hermes and the Helpful Deity together as last time Hermes crashed the party on his own.

All of our rituals are very simple. We meditate for 15 minutes. We do a mantra. HD arrives. Simple. Of late, the mantras are coming to me as I meditate. Tonight's I had within a minute or two of sitting down. The rest of the meditation was simply repeating the mantra.

When the meditation timer went off, we stood. I said the mantra audibly. Normally, I may repeat it anywhere from 10 to 30 times. Tonight, I think I made through three, maybe four.

I was aware but I had no thoughts for the rest of the ritual. The kundalini energy rose in both of us. It was off the charts. All I was aware of was her/Her. Flower morphed into the Goddess. Sometimes she morphed about half way back to human but mostly she was the Goddess. I watched the Her create the earth. I understood some pagan art. From time to time, I could hear directly from Flower's brain a few yes/no thoughts.

She saw a vast pit or bowl full of snakes for an instant. She saw horns upon my head. She saw the universe.

The first two minutes of god possession contained verbalized words between us. He spoke to Her. She replied to Him. Aside from that, no words were spoken. We were both 100% present. Not a single stray thought entered our minds. There was not one personal insecurity. There was not one thought of friend, family or television show. Nothing. We were present.



When it was over, we collapsed onto the floor. Upon both our heads, I saw golden crowns.

The ritual lasted from just before 8:00 PM until just before 10:00 PM. Two hours without a stray thought.

I haven't even bothered to try to explain what this was like.

The ritual ended forty minutes ago. I am still vibrating like a tuning fork.

Stopped Cold!

Have I mentioned that I am a Leo? Leo's have some issues with injustice. Frankly, we can't stand it. It doesn't matter who the unfortunate soul is on the wrong side of the stick. We hate injustice. Hate is a strong word. It has connotations. I used that word on purpose.

So, I've been told that I am being demoted at work. I am being demoted, not because I've messed up, on the contrary. The demotion was arranged because my boss hadn't demoted or laid anyone off in a couple of years and the other managers decided that was unfair. He should have to do that too. I am not making this up. Who runs a business that way?

Naturally, I have been doing a Leo slow burn over this. Once you figure career longevity and retirement benefits I'm out a number well into A LOT OF MONEY.

I am pissed.

I've been doing a slow burn over this for a week or two. I've wanted to curse a soul or two but my brain just says no. It screams no. Damn. I feel betrayed by folks that sing my praises then hit me with this.

Tonight, I had that odd feeling that I'm missing something. Given that I'm all fiery, I chatted with Micheal.

"EVERYONE IS TRYING TO HELP YOU."

Say what?

So, instead of looking at the players as folks that screwed me, I need to stop and reassess things as if folks are trying to help? Does everyone mean that everyone is consciously looking out for me or that the universe tends to provide the right things so even negative things are help? Fuck me. I don't know. I do know it is more fun to try to figure out how this would be a help than to be pissed off.

Tarot Gig

I will be appearing the second Monday of the month at the Cottage in Bakersfield, CA as a tarot reader through March. If it works out, it will be a regular monthly gig. I am sure many of you will plan your vacations around my availability in Bakersfield. Perhaps, I should contact their Chamber of Commerce and Department of Tourism.

No work tonight. Too beat from the interrupted sleep chronicled last night.

Well, It is Like This

Today pretty much sucked. An upside is that I am not all that upset. Just a bit...miffed? Maybe that is the word.

I am officially getting demoted due to budget cuts. The union rules apply so the other guy in my position who is famous for doing as little as possible keeps his job as he has seniority. Naturally, I am a bit offended by garbage like that. However, the worst part is that I will have to tell a member of my staff that he is getting laid off. To me, it is just a pay cut that I can absorb. To him, it is a life changing experience. Telling him tomorrow isn't going to be fun.

The only upside is that the the good folks at the Enchanted Cottage in Bakersfield have been after me to be a regular tarot reader for them for some time. I am going to ask my boss for one Monday off a month to do that. It may open some doors.

Some Help

I popped into the temple room to see if I could skry a woman I know. She has had a couple of  readers vomit in the middle of her readings. When they are done barfing they refuse to be in the vicinity of her. I had a lock of her hair and used that to connect with her. I found a critter. I will not describe it as she may read this space and I don't want her to focus on it. I have a plan to get rid of it for her. I will post when I do something and the results. I am unlikely to post the hows and whys until after I know the critter is gone.

This post was written the evening of 11/29/10. It is scheduled to post on 11/30/10 on the off chance someone from work reads this and tells the guy before I can. That would be most uncool and demonstrate a lack of leadership skills.

Michael

I followed up on one of Michael's orders today. Well, I set an appointment to do so. I suppose that is the same thing.

This is what happens when you ask Raphael to 'take you someplace'

1:39 AM

I dreamed I was with a bearded older professor. I ate with him and one other personn in a restaurant. It was our first meeting.

He took me to a very rich place or home. There were three people there. These were magick users. I remember thinking that these were untrained non-GD people but they were very very good. Suddenly, we were in some sort of ritual. Apollo arrived pulled on a chariot. There was a dog there was in a position to have pulled the chariot. I kneeled while asking if it was okay to kneel before him and his dog. he said yes.

I didn't think I was nervous at all but Linda from work leaned over form a bench she was sitting on tried to get my attention. She couldn't 'wake me' even though I was awake. So, she knelt beside me. Apollo said that it was Hubris to accuse someone and not bring him. Linda tried to speak and all I wanted to do was agree with apollo. Eventually, I was able to do that and Apollo withdrew.

I am back in a restaurant with the professor and my father. I very humbly and gratefully thank the professor and tell him that because of him, I spend time with an entirely different type of people. I feel the people are intellectually superior, wiser and just plane better than whomever I was comparing them too. With deference and humility, he accepted the compliment with a humble nod. My father was there and demanded water. He needed as he was diabetic and for whatever reason needed it that instant. I gave him the water from a vase on the table and filled his glass twice. He finished and kicked his artificial leg high in the air twice complaining or explaining how the new legs are most uncomfortable.

On the way home, he wanted to ask the professor a question but we were forced into separate cars for some reason.. For reasons unexplained I was a on a wierd stretch of road that in my blurry eyed waking state I want to say that it was in the shape of a W (shin?). At some point, I made a wrong turn and wound up on a freeway going south when I needed to go north. I old me dad and he asked why I did that.

I exited and found a spot to turn around. As I did, I lost control of the car and slide hard into a grape field. There was a family there eating in their house. Looking out the window, they saw what I did. Someone came running out of the house first. The woman that followed her said something like "Oh Athena, those grapes were so nice and you hand girdled them." I'm not sure I directly recall them using that name but I know they used a name and it really seems right as I type.

Athena was pissed. As I opened my door to apologize and tell her I had insurance, she reached in the car, over me and stabbed my father in the leg with a potato peeler. She did this twice. As I was trying to shut the car door and get out of there, I awoke to see an eight foot tall Psychic standing over my bed. Her arms were spread wide like an image of Christ giving a blessing.

Back to bed for me. No, I will not proofread this. I just hope it makes sense tomorrow.

The Gift of a Master

The Psychic entered my temple space prior to using it for a reading. She noted the four beings standing guard and pointed out one specifically. I told her who that was. She said that he wanted to speak with me.

The Archangel Michael didn't wish to speak with me but to me. He issued forth orders. All of them seemed reasonable on target. He also showed me his light, its pattern and where I can carry that light. He told me that I had only seen him as fire but now I've seen more of him, much more.

This morning, exhausted from two nights of chatting and drinking my share of three bottles of wine over those two days, I felt compelled to enter my temple room and open my vision. The four were there. I understood that I can take them with me wherever I go and how to position them in my awareness. I did so as I walked away for a nap.

I focused as I lay there upon the angels. As my awareness of them slowly faded, energy rose up through my feet. Peaceful. Strong. Pleasant. My back felt a good measure of relief. I napped. After waking, I lunched and then tried to nap some more. Suddenly, I had one of those thoughts. So simple that I feel like a complete maroon -- as Bugs Bunny would say. I had neglected looking deeper into Michael. That means I had also neglected to look deeper into the others.

I thought of Raphael.

Raphael, showed me his huge form surrounded by blackness. Into that blackness, an opening appeared. The perfect circle was laid flat as if upon a floor. It allowed me to see past the darkness. I was afforded a glimpse of Raphael's wings. Beautiful. Awesome. Vivifying. These words cannot describe this vision. I asked, in my hubris, to see even more of him. The calm patient reply was that it is not his time. I longed for more and asked again receiving the same reply. He added that I need to return to Michael. I asked if I could stop by the others on my way. The answer was affirmative.

I went to Auriel. I found myself in a hedge maze. Sound familiar? Only this one was taller and very well kept. I raced through the maze as the ground moved me on its own. The maze never ended. I realized that to see the angel, I had to get off the track. The angel was in the hedge. This took some doing. There was no place to gain a solid foothold that wasn't moving. I averted my eyes from where I could see the track and focused on the bushes. This seemed to put my back to one hedge wall as I looked 'over' but without seeing the moving track beneath.

I pressed my face against that hedge without touching the track. Don't ask me how. I don't know. I became up close and personal to:

Branches. Twigs. They scratched at my face. Oops. No. Push past.

Welcome to the earth. Endurance. Vast Endurance. Unlimited Endurance. There was great comfort in that. I even snuggled down into the blankets and sheets more as my body responded to perhaps the most peaceful emotion I have ever experienced.

(Note: this I can carry with me?)

I saw mountains and rivers. The latter was a demonstration of how the earth cradles the water to sustain certain forms of life. How without this manifestation life would not exist. I saw valleys. Snow covered peaks. Vast plains. Every sight on my tour was as impressive and as holy as Raphael's wings. Peace. Endurance. To think the divine is not all around us...to remember the person that saw the manifest world as nothing but terror and obscurity, almost brings sadness but it cannot. It was a time. That time is past.

Gabriel was not as dramatic. I saw him from a distance as a man with wings. As he approached he was a water eagle of some kind. Demonstrating his transformative powers. I am no longer the snake.

To Michael. Again, he showed me his light. Then an odd blue vase. The bowl of which was very close to the bottom and over it a long stem. I have a similar shape upon my mantel. I did not understand this watery sign as it relates to Michael. He said I may never understand but it didn't seem to bother him any.

He told me that I can never understand all there is to the angels but now is the time to make that effort.

The Psychic opened up these visions for me. She pointed the way. How does one say thank you for that? How does one express the gratitude I feel at this moment? She gave me a gift only a master can bestow. She honored me and now I honor her.

Couch Lessons

This week The Psychic came for a visit. This is a little like eating dinner with Radar O'Reilly. She just knows things. Naturally, I stayed on the couch for a couple of nights. She left me with some lessons.

• Trust them/trust yourself -- I call spirits. I have relationships with them. Trust what they say. Trust what you see. The spirits the come to me are not unruly anymore. Some of  them never where.
• Open Up -- This one followed on the heals of the first. We dropped by the local occult shop to see if she felt what I felt there. Suddenly, I thought why am I asking her? Just open up. I felt something different in each of the four rooms. She experienced the same as I. I did the same thing this morning in a restaurant and found a happy little spirit in the banquet area that just loves the energy of those meeting for a shared purpose. He was a friendly little guy.
• She also pointed out that the LBRP angels are resident in my temple room. Color me shocked. Then she said that Michael wants to have a chat with me. So, I popped in. Chat? Michael issued some orders.  I wrote them down. He then asked for a promise that I'd follow those orders. I couldn't. One of them is something that I haven't been able to complete successfully in the past. I simply told him that I would not promise him anything I wasn't sure I could deliver but I would make an effort.(There is much more about this in the next post.)

 Yes, I know I've heard those words before. Sometimes  it his how or when they are said that makes them stick.

A friend and reader of this space saw this post about the Psychic and scheduled this reading. His line was, "Robert is very critical. If he recommended you, I knew you had to be good." She was. He told me it was well worth the money as well.

The Lesson of the Visiter

Last night, I posted about the visitor, MM. After the no-so-wonderful astral working that followed, I began to doubt my perceptions of the visit itself and the words I heard. This morning over cup of coffee and my Uncle Harry's bagel, I considered these things.

I failed to fully illustrate the conversation about not having a example to be simple. Within that portion of the conversation MM told me that I don't have an example of a holy man either. It isn't that there are not holy men about but my inner perception of a holy man is Jesus Christ or Buddha. As my friend J says, "You will not be satisfied until you glow." Yup, that is pretty much my attitude. MM relayed to me, without using these words, that holy man is comprised of two parts, the holy and the man. Being human and all that goes with it, does not mean one is not holy.

Being human and all that goes with it, does not mean one is not holy. I know technically those last two sentences say the same thing but the concept is so important I thought it should be said twice.

There is a lesson here. I think a profound one. I hear the words. I understand English, most of the time. However, I cannot scratch the meaning of this even one layer down. I know the deeper lessons are there. They will come in time. There are advantages to being a stubborn Leo.

Confirmation: MM used the word stalwart. That is way out of my standard lexicon. I knew what it meant but I simply never use that word. This is one of my confirmations that conversation was not my own fantasy.

A Visiter

5:30 PM

While driving home tonight, I felt something. yesterday, I described the feeling of an occult touch here. This was the same only it encompassed me from head to lap, it was warm, soft, loving. If the intensity level rose much higher,  I would have had to pull off the road. Now that I am home ten minutes later, the feeling remains.

It may be my mentor's mentor. Hard to say at this point.

6:36 PM

I have been chatting with my mentor's mentor (MM) tonight. At least, I suppose it is him. He told me that he was going to help me tonight as I do magick with my partner, hereafter referred to as Flower. I told him I had heard such things before and they never materialized. MM said that I need to meet such things halfway. All I need to do tonight is get out of my body.

A bit later, I sat calmly in meditative repose and spoke with him again. He asked me what my job is I said something. He said no that isn't your job. Your job is to be "stalwart and holy".

Stalwart: (dictionary.com)

1. strongly and stoutly built; sturdy and robust.

2. strong and brave; valiant: a stalwart knight.

3. firm, steadfast

Holy:

1.specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority; consecrated: holy ground.

2.dedicated or devoted to the service of god, the church, or religion: a holy man.

3.saintly; godly; pious; devout: a holy life.

4.having a spiritually pure quality: a holy love.

5.entitled to worship or veneration as or as if sacred: a holy relic.

6.religious: holy rites.

7.inspiring fear, awe, or grave distress: The director, when angry, is a holy terror.

 

I am to live and teach the simple lessons. Simple, he said, isn't so simple. I have no roll models. I thought of DuQuette and he said no. I am to do those simply easy things automatically so that others can take those lessons. 

From my view, simple is as simple as Maat. Balance as a concept is simple but it takes a goddess to maintain it. There is a quietness to simplicity. I asked about a phrase my mentor uses about altitude. He said no. Simple, everyday action is what he meant. 

Note: Being complimented by spirits is an ego warning, unless you're Rembrandt and being told you're a great painter. These are complimentary things but subtly so for a rough Leo mind. I will think on this.

So then Flower came over for a little astral projection work.

It sucked. I will post on that tomorrow.

Yup, I am a Tool

Tonight, I was innocently working on my talk for the rabbi that will occur two Sundays hence. I had suffered a couple of false starts but the time was drawing nigh. I had to continue.

An opening paragraph fell out and then another. Stuck again. Then, I felt a touch. When I feel an occult touch it is like a tingling sensation that usually starts on my head. The feeling extends three to twelve inches away from my body and may or may not flow across my arms and shoulders. I tried to feel who it was. The Psychic? My mentor? Various members of my former coven (as if they would bother)? My Gal? Nothing stuck.

I turned back to my writing and remembered that the rabbi asked me to include my lineage. Frankly, I don't borrow my magickal authority from a list of names. I respect those who have 'cooked' me, which is not the same thing as holding up my "certificates suitable for framing" and saying "Look at this!" Who initiated them is even less relevant to me. Two things are relevant when it comes to lineage. The first is were the initiators competent. Who made them that way is irrelevant. The second is much more important, who taught you and who taught that person? The name of my teacher will not matter to my audience. My teacher and his teacher are in shadows. They haven't published as far as I know. My mentor hasn't found vainglorious ways to present himself at Pantheacon.

I thought I'd include the names anyway. So, I texted my mentor and asked his teacher's last name. It wasn't long before he called me asking why I wanted to know. He was in tears. He told me how proud he was of me and my work and explained that I am the last of his teacher's magickal grandchildren. My mentor's teacher was my Hiereus at my neophyte. The symbolism of that relationship holding that position is simply awesome.

It seemed my mentor's teacher, long since deceased, had come calling tonight. This, quite understandably, shook up my mentor a bit. About that time, I sent a text asking the man's last name for my speech. It was one of those moments, for my mentor, where you just can't convince yourself something didn't just happen. One cannot convince oneself  a ghost, who was making a point, was imaginary when your student texts you his name at that precise moment.

So, I was just used as tool by a dead adept. That isn't a bad thing at all.

Oddly, I had been thinking of my teacher's teacher the last few days.

A Funny Thing Happened...

Moloch posted something here on evocation. That started a train of thought. I had some issues with what he said. I agreed with other parts of what he said.

I started two posts. The first was about the process of evocation and teaching. The second was about theurgy and thaumaturgy. I didn't finish either.

If you've read the last few day's posts, you've learned I had a special weekend. I experienced a level of unity that I've never before experienced. Last night, I did what I said I would do and chatted with Hermes about how to maintain this peace and unity. He gave me the briefest of visualizations and an understanding of the basic meanings. He hinted at an accompanying mantra but I just can't put it together quite yet.

I thought of that teaching today and it worked. I became joyful, loving and peaceful. I bantered with people in line when I bought some lunch. We laughed like old friends. One was a seventyish old man. The other was the matronly Mexican woman behind the counter. We had a good time.

Theurgy can effect the mundane world in a very positive way.

Funny thing happened, after lunch, simply being aware that I can reach this peace so quickly made the idea of countering Moloch's post boring, pointless and uncomfortable. I deleted both would be posts.

Peace, pretty damn cool.

New Blog

Moloch has started a blog here.

Moloch does stuff I'd never consider doing which is why I will read his blog.

Moloch knows what he is talking about, except when he disagrees with me.

Moloch is very controversial.

Moloch, like Jason, sells his magical services.

I expect that at some point, Moloch and I will argue. Moloch will simply call me an F---head and then we'll argue some more. There are times I like Moloch. There are times I don't. I think Moloch is one of those people that is totally okay with that.

Staying Connected

I think last night may have changed my life. At some point in the spiritual quest one is just a drip that becomes a trickle, a brook, creek, river, ocean. I will not assess where I am on that chain but the flow is stronger now.

I wrote the above this morning. I didn't hit the send button because I was so peacefully emotional that I thought I'd make four or five posts today. Rather than being that annoying, I waited to see what came up.

Overall, I have had a good day. I texted my partner, for whom I need to find a better nickname, to make sure she was okay. Sometimes strong magicks unsettle her. She said that she felt like a jigsaw puzzle that has finally been put back together. She felt beautiful! What music that was to read! Then she said she felt a bit selfish for all she had taken from me. To feel that good, she had to have taken. No. I was great. I thought she gave to me. As Hermes said, it was sharing without taking. Nice.

As I took my walk tonight, I felt lonely. I thought that this was the inevitable consequence of being so connected last night. It is obvious that one cannot stay connected forever. Then I thought, why not? Are we not meant to be in union? In that place, from that place, one could be a blessing to many. Peace.

I am going to chat with Hermes and see if I can develop some personal meditations that can take me to that place. Performing them a time or two a day may do the trick. Some will say that one cannot stay connected that long. You have to keep your feet on the ground. Perhaps, but I want to give it a try.

Is that me being "the Presumptuous One" again? Or am I that close to what I've sought my adult life? Or, is this just another platform to stand on as I continue my climb?

Even typing this, I feel the connection returning. Peace. To share this without taking...I pray that is the next step.

Souls Unfolding

Last night, my partner and I called the Helpful Deity.

My partner has had some difficulty with our workings with the Helpful Deity since It has decided to land in her instead of myself. She is a very emotionally cautious soul. She works hard to stay grounded. Letting go can be difficult for her.  When HD is near and wants to land in her and she cannot allow it, we feel It like a subtle cloud floating around us. This indeed is a pleasant feeling. I was also an obvious sign of a barrier that my partner needed to work through.

We planned to ask how contacting HD has changed us or what effect it is having. I had another question in mind but I had forgotten by the time we started talking about the working. Then we decided to include a question about how my partner could be more open to invoking HD.

As I began to meditate in preparation for our working last night, I almost immediately fell into a new mantra. While not as precise as the very first mantra we used, it was beautiful. I'd like to say that I knew things would be totally new but I didn't. I was utterly focused on the mantra. I was then inspired to use a new tool to call HD as it fit with the mantra, a bell. I left the temple room and brought in my singing bowl which I used as a bell.

The call was awesome. Quiet. Gentle. HD immediately appeared in my vision. After a while, I altered the call to gain Its highest aspect. The beautiful thing about the call was that it lent itself to be shortened and shortened again as it came to a close. Nice work that. I wish I could claim the call came from me but it was of HD's authorship.

HD was tentatively in my partner. The cloud feeling was there but I could tell there was a deeper grip than normal. My partner could not speak. I could tell she was trying. After a bit, I gently asked, "Perhaps someday, you can tell us how you have changed us." Still, she could not speak. "Perhaps someday, you can tell us of how [one of its animals] relates to you." Still, she could not speak. "Perhaps someday, you can tell us how [my partner] can open a door to you, open her heart."

Still she could not speak.

At this point, Hermes made an appearance within me. As soon as I felt him, she spoke. "Flowers unfolding in the sunlight." This was the answer to how working with the HD was impacting us. We both had a vision of yellow flowers open to a pure blue sky. The grass beneath was short, not mowed, but naturally short. I said, "Thank you. I understand." Again she could not speak, I allowed Hermes a greater presence within me. Hermes explained sharing in the context of Its animal that I referenced above -- sharing without taking. More words flowed from my partner. The more I took Hermes in the more my partner could speak.

That is when something odd happened. We didn't need to speak. We didn't need to hear. We felt. HD was within her, Hermes in me. We stood there, aware, inches apart. Humans. Gods. Intimacy. Love. Present. Alive. Peaceful. Radiant. We were not overwhelmed with emotion or anything else.

Balance had been achieved. This was like working with Maat. Though, never have I experienced anything with that fullness of scope. This is as close to the perfected moment of union with the divine as I have ever experienced. These were transcendent forms of these deities. Perhaps we found the most transcendent forms of ourselves that we were capable of manifesting in that moment.

After quite a long time, my partner decided to return to normal space. We left our temple space.

As we sat in my living room. We began to discuss the mantra and how it came to me. In that discussion, I said a few words of the first mantra we used during our first callings of the Deity. HD and Hermes immediately arrived within me. Now it was my turn to be unable to speak. Eventually, I was able to share the meaning of the first mantra. They shared it all with me except the last line. The meanings in retrospect were obvious but neither of us knew prior to the explanation. Gods are cool like that.

We sat in my living room saying virtually nothing for a very long time. At some point, she said, "You are so peaceful. How do you do that?" Those words are never anything I ever expected to hear. Leo's are not known for peace.

She went home as we were both about to fall asleep.

Hermes

I have been praying a lot to Hermes. He has been so very helpful. Two days ago, I had to go into a meeting on an emotionally charged topic at work. The group I met with have a reputation as being most difficult. I prayed to Hermes beforehand. I ended up running the meeting in a whole new way. It became 'my meeting' not theirs to complain and whine. It went very well. So well that two members of this difficult group stopped me in the hallway to thank me for coming and three more sent emails saying the same thing.

Despite that experience and many others like it, I've never experienced Hermes like I did last night. Perhaps, I should say that I haven't been aware of it. I learned something. Hermes creates, at least for me, a negative masculinity. This is the ability to create by doing nothing. This is creation by allowing nature to fill in a vacuum. I think this is the most subtle form of magick that I have ever learned. I couldn't describe how to do that, not because I wouldn't but because there are no words for this.

Last night, was a culminating point in years and years of work. Last night was a beginning.

Today, I feel a great love for all. It is like celibate polyamory.

Priesthood

I have tried to write this post several times. After last night's experience with Annubis, I am trying again.

Sometime after my  Alexandrian neophyte, I thought being a priest sounded pretty good. I have no idea why. It never occurred to me before. There was no prior desire in that direction, none. I have already chronicled that my Alexandrian path was a disaster. I was reminded of why last night after the Anubis rite in a ways I will not chronicle here. Their mode of thought is utterly alien to my own.

Priesthood has returned to my thoughts over the past few months.  There are many forms that I think of as priestly but they have different names, pastor, deacon, holy man, rabbi, preacher and a host of others. When I examined my thoughts on priestly service, I landed on the idea of the Catholic priest. From my perspective, which may be theologically incorrect, the Catholic priest intercedes with "God" for or on the part of the laity. He performs the rites that lead to Holy Communion. He hears their 'sins' and forgives them 'for'* Christ or at least passes on the message of forgiveness.

(* for is in quotes because I didn't know the proper word to use.)

The Druid is a priest. He organizes rituals, counsels, guides and provides a place for pagans of all stripes.

My mentor is a priest by my definition as he has officiated the initiation rituals. Those rituals require a human to work for the gods and the candidate. He intercedes and brings them together. He works for the candidate and does not expect the candidate to serve him. He counsels and provides a holy place.

I find myself becoming a different sort of priest. I stand between lay people, magicians, witches, pagans of all stripes and certain aspects of the gods. I have done so through divination. I have done so as a temporary priest of the Helpful Deity. I did so for my friend with Anubis last night. I will do so again. I appear to have the ability to call upon a wide variety of gods. Oddly, this ability isn't all that different that reading the tarot, which was my only acknowledged talent to this point.

I am thinking at this point that the primary duty of such a priest is to be true to the god or goddess I'm calling at the moment or to the generic "God" when the Universe comes calling. My job is to pass the message in as true form as possible without owning what the human that hears that message does with it. This is a bit like being a mailman. The sender of the letter trusts the mail will be delivered unaltered. The receiver trusts the postman not to provide advice on which catalog to take and how to manage all those bills.

My job is not to bring the seeker to the deity in question. My job is to manifest as much of that deity as possible for the person that comes to me for such aid.

I can do that.

Annubis

I invoked Annubis for a friend that used to be a member of my lodge. At one time, she had a strong relationship with the god but then let that fade.

I saw him as I began to meditate. He appeared as I would have to imagine him in order to invoke within a GD temple setting. The invocation process was easy. As soon he was invoked within me my arm or arms moved into the appropriate position. Still, my mind wasn't 100% sure I had him. I followed my compulsion to move to a particular place in my temple room.

My voice said, "What is it your seek?" The answer was, "Your approval..." There was no longer a doubt. The resulting dialogue was Anubis, not myself. There was a beautiful moment as he handed her the cup and talked of libations and a loving heart. Yes, I know, that doesn't sound like Anubis but it did within context. My friend cried as the ritual ended. Apparently, she heard the messages she needed to hear.

As for me, the god form was strong. It ended very cleanly. I have no residuals from it at all. Normal consciousness arrived as I was reversing the ritual.

Side Note:

Anubis is a god of the underworld and death. As we finished a text message arrived about a friend in very serious condition in the hospital. The message we first received was that he may not make it through the night. This message was apparently an excited utterance. Things are very serious but not that immediately bad. Work, will of course be done on his behalf. It just seems a very strange message to receive after working with Anubis.


Picture of Anubis from here.

The Psychic

Tonight, I took advantage of the psychic's offer to investigate my back problems. She did get one significant and pertinent fact incorrect. One statement, though true, she may have gathered through observation. However, there is no way she uncovered me to the core by mere chance or some sort of gleaned knowledge. She made linkages between things that only my mentor and Lon DuQuette had ever been told. I am not even sure I told my mentor. She hit me with other things that old Robert may have denied in years past. Modern Robert saw the truth in what she had to say immediately.

How she managed to do a psychic reading on me when I wasn't even on the phone with her but was driving around town running errands is beyond me. She is the real deal. If for whatever reason you need a psychic reading done, contact me and I will put her in touch with you. She charges $125 a pop and is worth every penny. That statement comes from the cheapest magician I know.

Because she hit other things right, I am going to experiment with some things I didn't understand. She said I wear too many masks and it is time to drop them. Personally,  I think I  am a what you see is what you get kind of guy. My only intentional deception on who I am is that I am not out at work as a magician. That is the only reason you don't see my photo on this blog.

So, I am going to do some of the thought form magick I have done in years past. Sometime soon, I am going to send out a thought form to expose to myself a mask that a) I don't realize I wear and b) have the psychological ability to get rid of. I will keep you posted.

She also says that I feel guilt about the circumstances about my original back injury. I wouldn't use the world guilt. I would use the world responsibility. Regardless, she says I need to get rid of that. I will be doing some thought form magick on that score too.

Upcoming Plans and Something Practical

Lots of things going on of late:

Upcoming Plans: I will be invoking Annubis for an old friend soon. She wants a conversation with him. I always like being out of touch for a while for things like this. I cannot anticipate her questions or the answers she seeks.

I have plans for more work with the Helpful Deity as well.

I have also been working to being more open. I have begun opening the portal in daily life. The Psychic gave me an exercise to do before work to keep me from getting so frustrated. It works. It also works when I open the portal and pray. I do this a lot throughout the day. I've been so much calmer, more loving.

Today, during a tough meeting, I opened the portal during a break. I saw the tree of life. Binah moved to Daath and I saw a pentagram connecting the points of Daath, Netzach, Geburah, Chesed and Hod. Daath became the observer (thanks Rabbi). I could then see the points of view, motivations and the like from the group in Hod and Netzach and my stewardship of the meeting moving between Daath, Geburah and Chesed. Fascinating. Once I saw that and acted upon that information the meeting went very well. Maybe there is something to this occult stuff. (grin)

So Sayeth the Rabbi

So, there I was minding my own business Friday night innocently opening an email. It was a reply to my Veteran's Day post that I placed on a local pagan list. Only, it wasn't a reply to that at all.

My friend and local anthropologist, Penny, invited me to attend a lecture given by a local rabbi on the qabala. Given that I start any teaching I do the qabala by stating that we don't use the qabala as a Jewish person would, I thought it would be a jolly good idea to learn how Jewish folks did it.

I left Bakersfield earlier than I had intended in order to make it back in town in time. I immediately liked the Rabbi. He radiated good fun energy and love. A synagogue was a new experience for me. We sat very close to the holy place. This was not a place called a holy place. It was a holy place. I really enjoyed the energy. The guitar and drumming made this pagan feel right at home.


I noticed a friend of the rabbi's stare at me during many parts of his talk. I thought this a bit odd.
It has been said that a magickal lodge is a group of people that get together and agree to a common mispronunciation of Hebrew. The rabbi of course doesn't have that problem and it was a joy to hear the words I have used pronounced properly. I was really overjoyed to hear him explain things about the Kabbalah that I worked on and learned intuitively through the study of the Qabala.

At one point we had to tell the person next to us what we really really really wanted. I spoke of my desire to manifest the highest aspects of my soul in the hear and now. I also said that I used the qabala as taught in the Golden Dawn tradition to do so. Much to my surprise, the rabbi then declared that our partners would publicly share what we just told them privately. My partner forgot everything I said on the soul but did mention my interest in the Golden Dawn. When he did so the rabbi's eyebrow's shot up. As soon as my partner stopped talking, the Rabbi declared I'd teach them about the Golden Dawn. I have a fifteen minute presentation to prepare.

Once things wound down to a bit of social chit chat, the staring person came over to me as she's always wanted to meet a Golden Dawn person. It would appear that I have more introductory teaching to do with her.

Results

On December 7, 2009, I did some thought form work using the two of pentacles as a focus. The goal was to pay off my car early. I had the financial resources. There was no reason not to do this. I simply hadn't made the basic efforts. I hadn't exercised the discipline. The following simple thoughts grew out of that ritual: make extra payments and use your tax refund. I assumed a normal tax refund and calculated how much additional money I'd need to pay off the loan. The bulk of the extra payments were made in May and June. All I really needed was two very disciplined months and one or two mildly disciplined months.

The long term discipline came in staying out of debt until the tax refund arrived. I have always been very disciplined about staying out of large debts but I'd lose that ability once a year and end up paying for that lapse with the tax refund. So far this year, that didn't happen. Not only am I on track for paying off the car two to two and a half  years early. I am on track for not using the entire refund to do it.

This magick was subtle. How many times did I say, "I really don't need that?" I am sure it was many but never once did I think it was the result of that magick. The debt snowball never happened. Lacking a dramatic turning point, I can not point to a time and say that was a crucial moment when the magick worked. However, I am exactly where I planned to be and it is a place I never managed to be before.

This act of magick was based on a thought form. That form was 'energized' by a tarot card. That energy came form a deep understanding of the card that passes beyond the intellectual. That understanding came from my knowledge of the qabala and from doing Enochian magick using the Tablet of Union. I mention this as from time to time I am asked how the qabala translates to the realm of practicual magick.

The qabala is a map of the entire universe. Everything that humans can experience, the theory goes, can be placed on the tree. Once you know the Tree of Life that well and the associations with deity name and symbol sets become real, the knowledge easily lends itself to practical magickal work.

Tarot Readings

I am now offering tarot readings via phone or Skype. Rates are $20 per 15 minute session. I am usually available for appointments Monday thru Thursday from 6:00 PM to 9:30 PM PST. I will not schedule readings later than that because fatigue does not help to produce good readings. However, if you catch me on an evening when I'm feeling particularly chipper, you may talk me into it. I am also available for weekend appointments when I am not traveling. Please click on the email button on the page, this link or leave a comment asking for a reading.. If you leave your email address in the comment, I will contact you. I will not publish such comments.