Saturday, November 20, 2010
My partner has had some difficulty with our workings with the Helpful Deity since It has decided to land in her instead of myself. She is a very emotionally cautious soul. She works hard to stay grounded. Letting go can be difficult for her. When HD is near and wants to land in her and she cannot allow it, we feel It like a subtle cloud floating around us. This indeed is a pleasant feeling. I was also an obvious sign of a barrier that my partner needed to work through.
We planned to ask how contacting HD has changed us or what effect it is having. I had another question in mind but I had forgotten by the time we started talking about the working. Then we decided to include a question about how my partner could be more open to invoking HD.
As I began to meditate in preparation for our working last night, I almost immediately fell into a new mantra. While not as precise as the very first mantra we used, it was beautiful. I'd like to say that I knew things would be totally new but I didn't. I was utterly focused on the mantra. I was then inspired to use a new tool to call HD as it fit with the mantra, a bell. I left the temple room and brought in my singing bowl which I used as a bell.
The call was awesome. Quiet. Gentle. HD immediately appeared in my vision. After a while, I altered the call to gain Its highest aspect. The beautiful thing about the call was that it lent itself to be shortened and shortened again as it came to a close. Nice work that. I wish I could claim the call came from me but it was of HD's authorship.
HD was tentatively in my partner. The cloud feeling was there but I could tell there was a deeper grip than normal. My partner could not speak. I could tell she was trying. After a bit, I gently asked, "Perhaps someday, you can tell us how you have changed us." Still, she could not speak. "Perhaps someday, you can tell us of how [one of its animals] relates to you." Still, she could not speak. "Perhaps someday, you can tell us how [my partner] can open a door to you, open her heart."
Still she could not speak.
At this point, Hermes made an appearance within me. As soon as I felt him, she spoke. "Flowers unfolding in the sunlight." This was the answer to how working with the HD was impacting us. We both had a vision of yellow flowers open to a pure blue sky. The grass beneath was short, not mowed, but naturally short. I said, "Thank you. I understand." Again she could not speak, I allowed Hermes a greater presence within me. Hermes explained sharing in the context of Its animal that I referenced above -- sharing without taking. More words flowed from my partner. The more I took Hermes in the more my partner could speak.
That is when something odd happened. We didn't need to speak. We didn't need to hear. We felt. HD was within her, Hermes in me. We stood there, aware, inches apart. Humans. Gods. Intimacy. Love. Present. Alive. Peaceful. Radiant. We were not overwhelmed with emotion or anything else.
Balance had been achieved. This was like working with Maat. Though, never have I experienced anything with that fullness of scope. This is as close to the perfected moment of union with the divine as I have ever experienced. These were transcendent forms of these deities. Perhaps we found the most transcendent forms of ourselves that we were capable of manifesting in that moment.
After quite a long time, my partner decided to return to normal space. We left our temple space.
As we sat in my living room. We began to discuss the mantra and how it came to me. In that discussion, I said a few words of the first mantra we used during our first callings of the Deity. HD and Hermes immediately arrived within me. Now it was my turn to be unable to speak. Eventually, I was able to share the meaning of the first mantra. They shared it all with me except the last line. The meanings in retrospect were obvious but neither of us knew prior to the explanation. Gods are cool like that.
We sat in my living room saying virtually nothing for a very long time. At some point, she said, "You are so peaceful. How do you do that?" Those words are never anything I ever expected to hear. Leo's are not known for peace.
She went home as we were both about to fall asleep.
I have been praying a lot to Hermes. He has been so very helpful. Two days ago, I had to go into a meeting on an emotionally charged topic at work. The group I met with have a reputation as being most difficult. I prayed to Hermes beforehand. I ended up running the meeting in a whole new way. It became 'my meeting' not theirs to complain and whine. It went very well. So well that two members of this difficult group stopped me in the hallway to thank me for coming and three more sent emails saying the same thing.
Despite that experience and many others like it, I've never experienced Hermes like I did last night. Perhaps, I should say that I haven't been aware of it. I learned something. Hermes creates, at least for me, a negative masculinity. This is the ability to create by doing nothing. This is creation by allowing nature to fill in a vacuum. I think this is the most subtle form of magick that I have ever learned. I couldn't describe how to do that, not because I wouldn't but because there are no words for this.
Last night, was a culminating point in years and years of work. Last night was a beginning.
Today, I feel a great love for all. It is like celibate polyamory.