Monday, July 14, 2008

Bright and Shiny and Other Thoughts

There are several items to write about today.

Something is still bothering me about the bright and shiny post of yesterday. Some readers may look at something huge and say, "Get that knucklehead see THAT?" But that isn't how it works, at least not for me. The big issues are not what the seem but signs pointing to smaller, insignificant and much more important issues and ideas. The obvious issues make the big engine knock loudly the little issue is the timing screw. A quarter turn can make everything run smooth again. I will come back to the bright and shiny post over time until I understand.

I added two more coats of Jesso to the pentacle. I really have to start doing this every day or it will never get done!

I did the LBRP and MP and dedicated the energy to astral projecting. I did the Stavish exercise. I noticed unmistakable physical sensations in any limb I focused on. It felt a bit like a wind but pushing down with consistent force. I could not feel as distinct a sensation anywhere on my torso or head. After a while, I notice by body of light was purple not the normal blue. I went with it. I was also able to quite easily get past any distracting images that came to mind. My focus was reasonably strong. I tried to ascend upwards as my HGA had instructed and once again my awareness remained steadfastly focussed in the physical vehicle. Though I did see movement and feel it a little bit but nothing like that feeling of an excited astral body. I pushed my mind skyward and realized that what I need to do is aspire to union. So, I did. I don't know if I'd call it prayer exactly but it was aspiration. Finally, I realized that I need a word, a word that captures all of my emotional power and will toward unity. I have no such word and my emotions are not overly developed. I simply do not have a fully palette. I will seek a word and whatever emotion is going to launch me through.

I had a horrible dream last night. I was a civilian in war time. I will omit all the details as I am not sure they matter. Eventually, I was in line with a bunch of other civilians to be killed. I was on my knees with my forehead on the ground as the man with the weapon was coming toward me for my turn, killing each person ahead of me in line. I simply said, "I love God, I love God." and suddenly it was pouring rain. The fighters were scattering. Everyone was fleeing south but I had no shoes for the long journey and had to run north to get them I think I got them as the dream was ending.

What disturbs me here is that over the last year I've had lots of dreams about dying. I have had dreams of committing suicide and being shot. Every time a bullet goes through my brain and I fall. So, I can assure anyone that you can indeed die in dreams without waking up dead in real life. I have seen countless people murdered in my dreams. I have never killed anyone in my dreams to my knowledge. I am not sure why this theme keeps getting repeated. Some of them are quite scary others much less so. Last night, I did not die, nor was I even injured, but it was pretty scary. I have also noticed my dreams seem longer and longer, lucid or no.


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