Several things have occurred to me lately that I feel need recording.
As many of you know, I have severe back issues. As often as not, my day includes doses of vicoden, sometimes a lot sometimes none at all. Since purchasing the jacuzzi, I have found that my good days are much better. I can go days and occasionally weeks with no pain at all or just the odd single does of Tylenol. I have been in no pain mode for a week or so. The other day, I had a brief emotional pang that missed being in pain. I've been in so much pain for so long part of my psychology missed it. I knew in that moment, I could 'talk myself' into pain. I chose not to. Occasionally, I have succeeded in talking myself out of pain. I feel it is necessary to record this longing for pain. I am sure it has some equivalent aspect in other areas of my life. This is one more area to explore. A mystery is afoot!
Saturday, my gal told someone that I am the best tarot reader she'd ever known. The other person, a healthy skeptic, asked me to do a reading and 'prove' the statement. I found it odd to note that in my past I would have wanted to prove it. Now, I simply didn't care. I did the tarot reading for this person. I have no idea if I passed the test, nor am I much concerned. I view this a victory in the detachment department! Of course, now I am owning the victory over detachment does that mean I'm attached to detachment? Good Grief the Work never ends does it?
I also found this to be an interesting learning experience. I have often told people I am terrible at the silence part of Know, Will, Dare and be Silent because as a Leo, I have to express myself sometimes to understand that I believe differently than I had previously. In this case, I said the problem with many tarot readers that do readings for folks they know, is that they use them to try to control the behavior of others. They also put too much of their beliefs into the reading. Maybe the other party said that. Whichever, it was a good thing to say. I also said that I dislike the standard questions relating to finances and love. I am like to work with the spiritual questions which usually revolve around a formula like, "What can I learn from this situation?" I like those because even if I am dead wrong with the reading, at the very least I can offer the querent a different perspective. So many of our problems arise because we are incapable of seeing another point of view.
I also found it very interesting that there was an odd result to opening up myself up to do the reading. Later, a tangential party to the reading arrived and I could feel the emotional state that came through in the reading psychically. For a brief moment, I remained tuned into the vibratory state of the situation. This makes me wonder how I can be that open to my own situations. It would come in very handy. I don't consider myself very psychic. I also felt some anger from this tangential person that the primary person had another magickal person to speak with so quickly. I found that later part amusing for reasons I can't explain here. As it would violate the querent's privacy were I to explain how it relates to me here.
Just a side note on being psychic since I mentioned that phenomena above. Those that haven't experienced a state of psychic awareness often long for the experience. Those that have realize the state of psychological and spiritual pain most people are in and would rather not constantly feel that. It can really put a damper on one's enjoyment of life. Ignorance can be bliss.
Finally, I find it odd that for years I wanted to be able to lucid dream and astral project. As recorded here, I am getting better and better and the lucid dream part and the astral projection a part from a dream state. In one way, this verified the validity of some experiences others, I viewed as more experienced, discounted. In another I am amazed that I'm not thrilled at my progress. I feel "interested" and want more experiences but I not proud of myself for my small successes. But am I proud of not being proud? Good grief, the Great Work never ends!