Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I went into my temple room and held the lamen and simply prayed for a more encompassing relationship wtih my HGA. Almost immediately I saw a golden figure standing on the sun. Since I know this is Crowley's perspective on things, I asked, does that mean I am supposed to be OTO? The answer was no. I finally got the courage to ask, "Am I supposed to be X." The answer was, "That was the plan for this lifetime but with your psychology, I don't know if you'll be able to go back. I will simply wait and see what develops like all your other mentors have done." I asked if he could make me do things. His answer was, "It doesn't work like that." He can interfere to protect me but he can not make me do things but there seemed to be a lot I wasn't understanding. He continued, "Some readers of your blog will understand what I am saying. You won't for a while. I can't share everything at once."
Today, I was sitting on the couch, whining to myself that I am always in pain. Broken foot, bad back, gall bladder, bad back and now a sprained foot. My next thought was "But so many people have it so much worse than I." This is the second time in as many days that I haven't liked something only to realize how many others have it worse. That is a new trend in my thinking. The problem with this growing compassion is that I am now feeling sorry for people I read about in the news that commit horrific crimes. I wonder how badly they out of place they are and what a horrific life they have led to lead them to do these things. Don't get me wrong. I abhor the crimes and think they should be locked up but I feel for them.
I worked on making the flash cards to get those divine names baked into my brain today.