Friday, July 25, 2008

Baseball Destroyed My Ability to Astral Project!


In doing the Work of self-purification, I once observed how a chance conversation before friends when I was five or six drastically influenced my life. I had noticed some cars parked down the street with flowers stuck on them as was the custom in the early seventies. Before my friends, I said, "Look Mom, a funeral." She said no that it was probably a wedding. My friends all laughed at me. A few minutes later we were back playing baseball as usual. The next day, she told me that I was right. Someone had died playing Russian Roulette. I remember asking what that was and her answer.

That conversation helped to form a very shy socially withdrawn child. From that point on, I was very insecure. Once I broke out of that, I had a need to always be right. I wasn't going to be laughed at again because someone didn't know why I drew a conclusion about a funeral or anything else. Even now there is a chance I will miss your argument unless you admit to hearing mine. You don't have to agree but you must acknowledge what I've said. What does that have to do with the title of this post? Nothing.

Except for the fact that another incident at the young age of eight or nine that also involved baseball has everything to do this post. When I was very young, I was a reasonably good hitter. I didn't have much power yet but I had a very good eye, drew a lot of walks. My ground balls seemed to find their way through infields. Until one day, I was drilled in the middle of my back by a hard throwing right hander. I dropped like a stone. When the adults lifted my shirt they were amazed to clearly see the baseball's stitches on the skin of my back. I never could hit again because I'd always step back when the pitch came.

What does that have to do with astral projection?

Tonight, in a possible case of listening to too much advice but finding an answer anyway, I took Frater ROs advice and tried to purify my spheres before attempting to astral project. So, after an LBRP, I did a middle pillar with the stated intent of purifying my spheres rather than the normal raising energy. I laid down and started the Stavish routine. When I worked my way up to my crotch I could see the dome of Yesod. Images of popping a tent should be banished immediately! Out of no where I said, "I trust my nephesch". I realized that part of my problem here and in some other areas was that I didn't trust my animal nature which is encased in the part of the soul qabalists call the nephesch. I repeated over and over my trust of this part of myself while remembering that part is ruled by higher aspects of my soul.

Suddenly, I saw a face. It looked a little bit like Sam Webster of the Open Source Order of the Golden Dawn. Then I realized there were two more heads! This was a form of Bune illustrated in Lon DuQuette's (and others) Aleister Crowley's Illustrated Goetia.

One of Bune's lesser understood talents is revealed in his description as, "gathers the spirits that are under him to gather upon your sepulchres." (my italics) Sepulchres are graves as RO explains here. Basically, he takes things that should be buried in the past and makes them part of the past so you can move on. When the spirits under him are out of control, they put your own past in your present and thus it blocks your way. Bune then tells me that my nephesch is afraid of allowing energy to flow up my spine due to that errant pitch! The nephesch is where your fight or flight energy is stored. One part of my soul is therefore trying to save my life by blocking this energy. Bune offered to put this portion of my past in its grave and I accepted.

I could feel his fingers on my back pushing energy up my spine. He made progress. Though, he couldn't get it to flow immediately. He promised he would. Bune was apologetic without actually saying so. He said his work is not always easy. That seems logical. Whose work is?

So, assuming Bune is correct, I haven't been able to astral project due to a wild pitch striking my eight year-old body. Obviously, this may have something to do with my overall back issues as well. I am hoping.

If Bune pulls this off and my back gets better too, I may have to fly back east and kiss Frater RO right on the mouth! I hope my goatee wont' tickle his nose. For those of you that may be a tad homophobic, I am kidding. I wouldn't fly back east to kiss RO. I am way too cheap for that. Have you priced plane tickets lately?

(Picture from: http://www.swingthebat.net/TheStep.html)

2 comments:

Theurgist said...

An excellent post, informative and with just the right amount of meaningful self reflection.

When I first began to work with my Nephesh, I had issues letting go as well. Got hung up on that it was the shadow and it needed to be purged and purified.

It wasn't till later that my understanding began to change. The nephesh is not evil. It has a very important job to do. It deals with all the crap you can't deal with and it protects you from yourself. Regardless as magicians we cannot let him do his job unsupervised. He must be won over to work with us as a team with the ruach and the neshamah.

To compare a myth to it. Think of King Author and the Black Knight. Once he won him over the black knight that fought author transformed into Sir Lancelot and now fights for Author.

Additionally, about astral projection. You have to let go to succeed. You can try too hard and force it. You have to just let it happen to you.

Hope this helps.

Frater BH said...

Thanks for the post and advice. I am glad you're still reading. Did you ever get that book I recommended in a comment to your blog?