Last night, I was tempted into old behavior. Some of it, very old. I indulged it so far as to be the equivalent of a shopping spree thwarted by a ten minute look at a catalog. Later, my shadow sneaked up on me. I played with it for a while and realized this play was as far as I was capable of indulging it. I woke up with a painful back.
As you may recall, I have been working with my shadow to find another way of speaking to me besides back pain. I realized my error above, talked to it, aspired. Slowly, the pain subsided and I grew holy. This holy feeling intensified until it was time for a soul reading, which I performed.
I cannot speak of that at all because it was a referral and a reader will know the personal business of someone I read for. I feel that would be a violation of trust.
I can talk about my reaction. The last reading was a bit disappointing. This one was not. While not my best, it was still good to very good. Her reaction was not as euphoric as others. For a moment this bothered me. Where was the praise? Egomaniac! As soon as I let that go, which took but an instant, I felt connected, pure, holy.
My back felt great and still does.
Concentration is the key. I am at my happiest after a period of intense concentration like a reading. Doing soul readings focuses my concentration so well that I usually feel its beneficial impacts into the next day.
I am of the opinion, that in order to live a life of spiritual manifestation, one must remain the confines of one soul. The shadow exists outside of the light of that soul. Think of this as a triangle within a circle. Within the bounds of the triangle is the soul. The circle represents that which one is exposed to. That area between the lines of the triangle and the circle contains the shadow. One cannot engage the shadow nor reject it but simply witness that darkness.
The darkness is not an evil. It is as holy as the light but that holiness represents the barrier. Only the strongest assimilates that place. That person is not me for the moment.
The Work Being Done
On my last trip to Bakersfield, someone sat down next to me and related her tale. A year ago, she asked me the difference between High Magick and Low. I have no idea what I said, that is not my favorite question to answer.
She told me that back then, she did magick to create mirrros for all her actions. She wished to make her outside actions fall in line with her inner thoughts. Now that is what I call holy magick. She told me of the difficulties of the last year. Then she said something. Something that earned my ever-lasting respect, "I think I have just about recovered. I am ready to do it again."
This are some of the coolest words from the New Pagan on her blog, "Since then I have been using what I leaned from Robert to heal myself, with amazing results on the emotional end."