I have been waking up early of late. This is not on purpose. When I find myself awake a half hour to an hour early, I reluctantly do the MM. I think this waking early is happening because I have been lazy. I have been so wrapped up in soul readings that I have not been doing the MM with any sort of focus, if at all. This is not good. Each time I do the MM well, I am rewarded by that cool watery feeling descending upon me as I drive to or from work. Every time this happens, I am surprised. You would think that I'd know it was coming but I never do.
As I reported yesterday or the day before, I have been reliving things a little bit. It hasn't been horrific. Now, I have the ability to stop myself from spinning out on things. I learned something today. I had a random thought today. My response to that thought was another thought. It went like this.
When you notice that you're looking at something totally differently than you have before, pay attention. This is growth and the result of the Work. The thought that inspired this was that sometimes we get into habits of existence. As we grow, we must break out of that habit.
In this case, my habit was to feel inferior to my former mentor. This is not anything he would have fostered or encouraged. I think it stemmed from the natural 'looking up to' but eventually turned into a 'less than'. The only way to break out of that was to terminate the relationship. That was not my conscious reason. It may have been my soul reason.
Dropping that and coming into my own has resulted in the ability to do soul readings. This is by far the most service I have been to others in my magickal career. It is a unique talent and a very useful and practical one. If I did nothing else but that for the rest of my life, I would view my magickal career a success when it came to developing a talent and being of service to others. That is quite a statement given that I feel I am just beginning to develop that ability. There is a long way to go.
I have something to post about regarding the New Pagan and a friend from Bakersfield.
Also, tonight, I was going to offer a surprise. My plan was to skry the Moon card from the Thoth deck using the same technique I use for soul readings. During that process, I would relate what I saw just like if I was reading a soul. Only this time, I was going to do an audio recording and post it. My soul readings last forty-five minutes to an hour. I am not sure how long this would last. I cannot imagine many of you would want to listen to a forty-five minute audio from me reading a tarot card. However, for as long as you last, it may give you some insight as to what a soul reading is like. If, for whatever reason, you folks like that post, I will make an effort to move through the major arcana.