Lesser Neschemah

So last night, I do the MM and ask for a connection to the Lesser Neschemah. This is the soul-part associated with the sephiroth Binah.

I didn't sleep well because I had allergies that would stop a charging rhino. I did not expect anything. By that I mean I did not assume a particular result. However, the sleep I did get was punctuated by intense emotions. They were not dreams in any sense but waves of huge emotions. This makes sense as Binah is the first place water appears on the tree.

Keep in mind that I am not saying I rose to the level of Binah or am operating from those lofty heights. I am merely saying that I did the MM with a certain intent and obtained a certain result.

Mistakes Not to Make

Just after my last post, in which I declared I wasn't really concerned with my esoteric life, I did the MM. I was inspired to write a few things. I really do not think this is for me.

Mistakes Not to Make

This is not about power over others. The control you think you have is weakness revealed. Control over others is always small and petty.

Never hide your knowledge of your mistakes. Those that care about will love you despite them and respect you more for not hiding them. Those see you as less for being aware of your own errors and faults are not worth impressing. Most of the time, they are not true friends.

When you hide them, you hide the lessons you're supposed to learn. You get stuck. You make more mistakes and the circle continues. Break the circle but admitting your past errors and current faults?

If you can't do that, you are a coward. Cowards have no part in magick. You don't have to stay that way.  All you need is a little courage. What is stopping you? Admit your errors. Say your apologies. Release yourself from your own prison.

Time

The past is forever moving into the future reflecting in the present.

Take Watergate for example. Nixon hated the Kennedy's. Some of his dirty tricks were done because the Kennedy's got away with it before hand. The past (the Kennedy's corruption) moved to the future to stoke Nixon's corruption which bounced in the (then) future, through the Watergate break in. The past then covered up in the (then) now resulted in the impeachment of a president.

You will find the same legal/political staff all over the government high profile scandals of my lifetime. The people for and against Nixon reappeared again in the Ollie North scandal and the Clinton scandals. If it wasn't the original players moving forward it was their assistants during the previous scandal. It goes on and on and on.

Life, indeed eternity, plays out this way. Those that are 'connected' see these patterns as they unfold into the emotions of the moment.

Healthy

I have never felt so healthy. My back has been great. I've been very active with disc golf and loving it.

This is a case of my Greater Neschemah listening to me when I demanded my back heal. It then inspired generous friends or they resonated to my call, whichever.  I received a copy of MAP from Yvonne. I used just one fact from that. I also received that awesome painted talisman from Susan.

My allergies have been brutal but I haven't cared at all. I am not in pain, physically or emotionally.

Oddly, it has reduced my drive for my magickal, occult or meditative life. I think I am working the physical part of myself and letting my other 'bodies' have a break from all the years of work. Oddly, I haven't lost but a pound while at the same time losing two belt loops.

My healing talents and soul readings are still at your service.

Tangible Results

Some time ago, I posted that I was going to "commanded" my Greater Neschemah to heal my back. Since then, I have been sent books on healing and a wonderful healing talisman painting. My close friend, Louie, pressured me to play disc golf.

I am now completely addicted to disc golf. For instance, today I played three eighteen hole rounds plus an additional nine. Why am I talking about that? Well, in disc golf the smallest courses are a mile long. You climb up and down hills, walk across the angles of the hillsides, and twist yourself into a pretzel throwing the disc.

How has my back put up with that? Well, I haven't taken a Vicodin in over two months. I had one day when I did not go to work because something pinched and my feet were numb. I could have worked if I could have drove there but walking around on numb feet can be a little difficult and maybe cause an injury. So, I didn't go.

I have had very good periods in the past but even with those I was on the medications at some point. I think this is the first time without Vicoden for that long in a very long time. I am counting this as a guarded success so far.

Driving home from my disc golf outing, I was thinking of this. Again, the cool tingling sensation descended upon me. I took this to mean that this disc golfing is what I am supposed to be doing and that my unbridled  enthusiasm for this very mundane activity is coming from on high.

Old Robert would have never thought of such thing. New Robert sees the import of connecting all aspects of being and how health has a great impact on what magick we can do.

MM

For those of you waiting on the MM, I am learning a great deal from the locals doing it. That learning will help me share it with you in a more complete form. Oddly, I am attracting Christians and other unexpected guests to the process. They are all most welcome.

Impressive Instruction

Last night, I had a text conversation with my friend, J, last night. We spoke of something I wanted. When I do the MM and ask for this thing, I am told to perform a task. She asked me questions and I began to wonder if I had heard too literally again.

Just now, I felt that tingly cool feeling I get when my Greater Neschemah is pleased. It quickly turned to something else. It wasn't bad but harder and louder. It hit me three or four times making sure It has my full attention.

The voice game very clear and had a deeper tone. I was told in no uncertain terms that I will get what I want. I was also told that there is a connection between the thing and the task but not as direct as I am making it. There may be a connection to Buddhism.

How We Perceive Each Other's Souls

I have had some visions as a result of the soul readings. Funny thing about visions, they don't stop. It is as if the mind, upon seeing an occult reality cannot let it go. Like a very slow time lapse photography, one sees things unfold.

The picture on the right is of the Qabalistic Tree of Life. This is how I normally perceive it. This is how it is taught. However, this is not how we encounter things in the day-to-day world.

Circle 10 is Malkuth (kingdom). It corresponds to the soul part called the G'uph, the physical body or so it is taught. There is more than that. Think of it as a vehicle for expression for the rest of the tree but keep in mind it is just an expression. This expresses actions set in motion by the rest of the tree.

Circle 9 is Yesod (foundation). This is the seat of the soul-part called the Nepshesch. This part keeps the species going. It keeps the individual alive through fight or flight instincts. It keeps the species alive through the sex drive. It is easy to see how the energy generated in Yesod results in actions undertaken by the physical body.

Circles 7 through 10 are the automatic personality. These spheres combine to recieve the programming of out lifetimes. This includes everything from silly social things like taking your hat off at the dinner table to the societal views on religion to behaviors instilled by our parents. This even includes how we have trained ourselves to behave.

Circles 4 through 9 plus Daath, the white circle with the black ring around it, combine to form the Ruach, Divine personality. Your Ruach is designed by the Greater Soul. It functions with personality traits to be expressed in this world. This is how the Greater's Soul needs you to behave an interact with the world.

The top three combine to form your immortal divine soul.

From this view we are taught. This is not how we experience other people's souls. In day-to-day life we see them more like this.

Take a look at that image. It looks complicated right? Look again, there are only six colors depicted. Blur your eyes a little. Can you see the pentagon? Focus your eyes, you see 10 surfaces. Six is the number of the center of personality. Five is the number of man. Ten is the number of spheres on the tree of life.

This simple but complex image is how we see each other every day. Take a look again. The image is three-dimensional. The implication is that it looks the same from the other side. It doesn't. There is no other side.

This lay behind.

This is our True Soul. This creates our lives and experiences. The rest is little more than a mask discarded from one life to the next.

"Every man and every woman is a star." - Aleister Crowley.

That star is an entire universe. We each live in our own holistic universe. We are the god of that universe. The Mormons have it almost right. They say when you die having been a good Mormon man, you get to be the god of your own universe.

Crowley was more right. Every man and woman is a star, right now. Right now we are the gods of our own universe.

So, this is my vision of the human experience. I have healed other people's Nesphesch (circle 9 - animal soul) problems. I can see their Nesphesch. I understand what is causing the person problem and teach them to comfort this part of themselves. This lets them heal themselves and allow this babyish part of themselves to mature. My greatest success with this technique is the New Pagan. The reason for this is she took control and responsibility for herself. She took the information I gave her and ran with it. She is the god of her universe.

I do offer these soul readings as a service.

Ball image
Light Image 

Good Things

It has been a couple of days since I posted. The reason being is because I haven't slept well at all. There is a moral to that tell or at least a lesson but first this message from the right side of things.

As you can tell from Thursday's post, Rough Night, I had a rough night. For the first time in a long time my head spun on past events. When I could push them away, something else from the past would pop up. This has not been an issue for some time. I've been in a good mood.

I happened to see my friend, Caioneach, on-line about the time I was posting the Rough Night post. I told him I was having a hard time about things past just to express myself. I did not vent. Without telling me he sent a wave of calming energy. I felt it immediately. It calmed me down and I went to bed. It still took me twenty minutes to fall asleep but still I knew my mind was better as soon as that energy hit. Then he did for me what I have done for others. He sent energy to calm me down and make me sleepy or he took the stuff like I do. I will have to ask.

You know that old line about getting back what you give out? Well, it came true Thursday night. I have knocked out and calmed down may people over the years. Caioneach gave it back to me that night. That is pretty cool.


When I got home today, I felt that cool tingle of my neschemah telling me I am doing right. I have no idea what that was about.

Weirdness Thursday Night

As mentioned I had a hard time Thursday night. Things are a bit fuzzy but I have been trying to connect to different parts of my soul. The lesser neschemah, that which connects us to All, has been my latest target. Maybe that sparked my problem.

As I was trying to go to sleep, I had those images and voice explaining something to me about bees. There was a point where I heard a voice telling me how "we" choose the people we help or how "we" are chosen.

So Why Not Sleeping?

At first, I thought it was the old issues coming back. Then I thought it was work stress. We have a new superior making some rash decisions. At the moment, I think it is a new allergy medication. If I sleep well tonight, that theory will be proven.

Rough Night

My mental health has been great over the past few months. For some reason tonight, I am spinning on the past. Most of it is spinning on my former mentor but there are other things too. It seems I have been very good at dismissing this pointless thought process on individual items. Tonight, they are hitting me all at once. I can't let them all pass by. Test failed.

My success is that I have new facts about old incidents that make them appear in a much clearer light to me.  Old Robert would have trotted those out. This Robert understand that people that are in denial tend to stay that way. That and no one really cares about those situations any more but me.

I did try to contact my lesser neschemah. That is the part of the soul that is part of the greater neschemah but not the entire thing. It's function is to connect us with everything else. I started to have 3/4 asleep visions and heard a voice telling me something about things we have to do for ourselves. The visions had to do with bees either entering or leaving me. It was pleasant but the realization scared me awake, I think. Now, I don't fully remember.

More on the Great White Brotherhood and MAP tomorrow.

Work Stuff

As reported the other day, I have been trying to approach a coworker that suffers regular migraines. I finally had the chance today. She was gracious and may take me up on my offer. I was touched when she asked if the pain would land in me. That denotes her good nature. It is a sign of good character to have something come out of left field like that but still be concerned with the other person.

I was talking to someone at work today because I realized I loved him..NOT THAT WAY...but just as another human. The feeling spread to my other coworkers and was overwhelming. I almost cried.

Tonight on the way home, I had that very pleasant cool tingle that my Neschemah gives me as a reward. I think that was for coming out to my coworker. I tried to feel it intensely and that dampened it.

The Big Easy?

In my last post, I said something that surprised me. I said this stuff was "easy". I surprised myself. The night before last, I proved my point.

A friend complained of ovarian cysts and stated they were causing her pain. As is normal, I offered help. It took me about a minute to "get there". The place of pain was obvious, swollen. I told it to drain of fluid and it did. There was another place, my hands plunged into it. I had to will myself to remove them. I removed them because I felt ham-fisted. On the other hand (no pun intended), it did not do obvious harm. I told the second spot to drain and it did. Next, I drew upon my friend's higher energy and opened a pathway so that it could travel where it may. Immediately, it descended to the area I had been working on. Then it split in two and traveled to the kidneys. Why, I don't know.

She reported immediate cure. No pain. The entire process took about five minutes.

I believe some parts of this ride have become easy is my understanding of unity. Unfortunately, my understanding of unity is not profound enough for me to explain it in words. I will work on that and share when I have the proper understanding. Don't hold your breath. That may take a while.

Work

I had a frustrating day. I shared that professionally and did not raise my voice. I am proud of myself on that one. For the most part, I have that beat.

Tomorrow, I am going to share my healing abilities with a co-worker that suffers from a painful condition.

Back

I did not mean to imply in an earlier post my back was healed. I still have trouble but not so bad that I need prescription pain meds. I almost needed them this Sunday but didn't. I have been much better of late though.

Life Has Changed

You may have noticed a few things about this space. My posts are shorter. They are less technical. They are less angst ridden. Fewer posts appear during the week. So, what gives?

The biggest change was a moment that lasted about ten minutes that I call experiencing the State of Grace. In that moment, it felt like I was wearing my past as a skirt. The collective weight of my insecurities, past life events, and life's misdemeanors was a burden to say the least. When that dropped it felt like I released twenty pounds of sandbags that I didn't realize I was carrying. That feeling was very real and very physical. If I didn't have a rational mind, I would have hopped on a scale expecting to have lost weight. There was a sense of divine perfection, my own, and everybody else's. It was literally the most awesome moment of my spiritual life.

That in turn took the internal reactions born of all that much out of the picture. The basest example is disbelief. If someone complimented me, that compliment had to work through all that much. The result was that I didn't believe the compliment. Criticism, on the hand, fit nicely into all that muck and I owned that. Now, I can be complimented and believe. The difference that makes is amazing.

I think that example can be easily related to by most people. Now, suppose there are twenty or thirty more problems just like that one but much more subtle. Those went away too. My reaction to the world around me is much different. I enjoy the people around me much more than I ever have. I enjoy me much more than I ever have.

The reason you've seen fewer posts is that I've been out disc golfing three or four times a week. Walking up and down those hills plus the twisting has had a positive impact on my back. I haven't taken more than Tylenol in four weeks.

Right now, I am Me. Those reactions were more like an attachment. That attachment caused reactions that were not reflective of my true self. Yet those reactions intensified the muck. This, in turn, shed some light on a problem all of us have from time to time, denial.

Have you ever seen someone say, "I did not do that," when it is obvious that they did? I have seen that and wondered how they can possible think people believe them. How do they believe themselves? They believe it because it is true. The speaker did not do the action, at least not the part of him that is true. The action being denied was performed by the muck, also known as the automatic personality. So the statement that person X did action Y is true in the generally accepted way but the denial is also true. The full self did not do any such thing at all!

I am telling you that if we all could get rid of that automatic personality muck, we'd be much better off. Guilt, insecurity and the like does not stick to your true soul because your true soul doesn't do a thing to earn those emotions.

The less technical parts come from the fact that all of this is so blinking easy that technicalities don't enter my mind anymore. My only barriers to healing others are experience, the limits on the 'depth' I am able to perceive and, possibly, the lack of anatomical knowledge to work with certain physical ailments.

The Difference Between Qabala and Kaballah

JustElila asked a question regarding the From Tarot to Hebrew post. She asked, "What is the difference between Qabala and Kaballah?"

There are three strands of Kaballah. The first is the from the original Hebrew culture and Judaism. You will normally find this spelled with a K. There is Cabala, the Christianized form. Finally, there is Qabala, the form used by the Western Esoteric Tradition (ceremonial magicians and those they influenced).

I have never read the Christianized version. The Hebrew version is much richer in terms of story and allegory and has a greater depth to the magick. The problem with that is you have to deal with Yahweh or so I suppose. The Qabala is much more detached from the paradigm of culture. This makes it more universal but gives it somewhat less depth.

I have been tempted to delve more into the Kabballah.

One last note, there is no correct way to spell this in English. I have seen Cabala, Caballa, Qabala, Qabalah, Qaballah, Qabbala and just as many K's.

Hubris and Humility: Pagan Blog Project

Very early on in my formal esoteric pursuits I was introduced to the phrase, "The Gods hate hubris." The first definition of hubris you will find on Dictionary.com is excessive pride or self-confidence; arrogance. This is pretty straight-forward but if you keep reading, you will find this: (in Greek tragedy) an excess of ambition, pride, etc, ultimately causing the transgressor's ruin. That is more telling.

These feelings are very common as people enter the realm of the occult. The first level on the astral is full of the little ego thought forms of self-importance that can influence the perceptions of the aspirant. Some of these are the lifetime creations of the individual ego, other bits of this astral garbage are, full all intents and purposes, external to the aspirant. These delineations are unimportant. What is important is that it is really easy to think you are more than you are when one is starting out.

I believe this occurs as we realize a perception of reality is growing that is different from anything we have experienced before and that we do not believe most others have experienced these perceptions. We are special. The moment one thinks "I am special," or "I can do what others cannot," or "I can progress like others have not," or, more subtly, "I can heal," having little or no experience doing so or no proof of ability, one should read the rest of the hubris definition, "ultimately causing the transgressor's ruin."

The best advice for a new person entering the occult realms is to assume you can do nothing, you are not special, you have no talent but everything you reach for can be achieved through hard work. For no one tells you that the Gods love hard work.

The first definition of humility you'll find on dictionary.com is the quality or condition of being humble;  modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc. This is easily seen as the opposite of hubris. The synonyms given are misleading lowliness, meekness, submissiveness. These things are not humility and just as unworthy of the aspirant as hubris. While aggression is not warranted there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. That is not hubris. Failing to do so is demonstrates the ego problem normally called low-self esteem. There is never a reason for that.

One can be humble and still stand up. You do so through honesty and integrity and not backing off when people want to convince you that standing up is hubris. You will find this people in the community for those that warn you the most of hubris normally have much work to do as well. Lon DuQuette once told me that if I can see a problem in a student, I have that problem. This confused me a bit at the time but he was right. That little lesson is an excellent one to carry with you. The people telling you that you have x issue may be right or wrong but in order to see it, they have it too. Maybe they have defeated it. Maybe not. Pay attention. 

Healing Success

Today, I woke up to this message on Facebook. For those of you that can't read that capture due to the small print, it reads, "This week I have gone completely over board. Suddenly discovering I could eat things I haven't been able to..well I have cooked, baked and made almost every comfort food I have ever wanted, pizza, rustic tart, mac and cheese, strawberry goat's milk ice cream, apple tart, potatoes au gratin and doughnuts. Not to mention downing a bag of lentil chips. It's time calm things down because I want to continue to fit into my clothing. But, my taste buds have been so happy, and it has been so worth the extra laps around the neighborhood!"

This is the result of some healing work I did for Audra, also known in this space as "the Clear One." She had tremendous food allergies and had to make most of her own food from scratch. She was in pain a good deal of the time. It is amazing she got anything else done besides finding food. Imagine how long it would take you to find ingredients and make food from scratch because you are allergic to staples like rice, flower and pizza!

She had been to doctors many many times and they came up with nothing that could help.

I then performed a healing session and determined that she had done so much astral work that her etheric body was very weak or very tenuously connected to her abdomen. I immediately strengthened that by applying some astral earth. Before I could smooth her etheric body back into her, her guide emerged and stopped me.

I later learned he wanted her to do this herself. So, I explained what I thought was needed and some occult exercises she could do. After doing that for a bit, she felt much better. Then the doctors suddenly found out about a bacterial infection and gave her the necessary medications. Apparently, she was allergic to the bacteria as well as the normal illness you'd get from the infection.

You can see the results above.

As a side note, the Agnostic has been sleeping just fine. You may recall I worked on her insomnia problem. Again, part of the solution was medical invention but again that stemmed from a long history of no progress at all until after I did some healing work. She is not taking sleeping pills.

The agnostic would say it was all a coincidence. I will let her hang on to that idea. It simply happens too often to too many for me to buy into that.

My Concern

I have very little interest in personal alchemy at the moment. Part of that is because I feel like I am the best human I have ever been in this lifetime which is not to say that I still don't have work to do. My focus is on helping folks with the MM, healing, soul readings and disc golf.

Maybe I need a break. I am not sure but I think personal alchemy is a lifetime process. I do not think it should be stopped. Instead, we have to keep throwing ourselves upon the fires of spirit.

From Tarot to Hebrew?

Tonight, I tried to record a skrying session of the Thoth Universe card using the same style I use for soul readings. I was immediately very uncomfortable. Then, that nameless voice, very clearly told me to stop and close down. I did that.

Afterwards, the idea of ditching the tarot cards and skrying the Hebrew letter associated with the paths instead hit me. This is more along the lines of the Kabbalah than the Qabala. I will give that a try and report the report the results.

Today, I had a request to begin a Soul Sangha in Bakersfield by someone not part of the normal circles down there. If a few people want to do that, I will.

Another Headache Cured

Well, I know it ain't all that but today Flower posted that she had a migraine at work. I had a spare few minutes waiting for an appointment at work. So, I sat in my car and did a five minute meditation and her headache faded. It wasn't a full cure but it I knew that when I did it. She felt the impact immediately.

The curious thing is that the last two intense headaches I encountered I saw as white energy. My Gal's was very bright as hers was the most intense. Flower's was more of a ghosty white.

If you have serious migraine issues and the medications don't help or do not help enough, contact me. My fees are reasonable.

Soul Sangha Meeting

Tonight, I held the second of the monthly Soul Sangha meetings for the locals doing the Manifestation Meditation. The meeting is scheduled to last an hour. It lasted two.

The stories people told of their work over the last month were so very cool. I could not help but feeling this meeting was like what I always wanted the Golden Dawn to be. This was simply a group of people sharing their stories of spiritual/personal growth. I did some formal teaching of facts regarding the Qabala but it is really each of us helping the other by asking questions or pointing out little things to help other things fall into place for the speaker. There was a sense of camaraderie and mutual respect that was really moving. 

My friend, Flower, even arrived and shared that she'd done the meditation. In doing so, she discovered something that she "made into God". It was a good Pagan relating the perfect "false idol" story. 

A couple of times, I felt my eyes well up as people shared stories of past emotional pain and being able to leave it behind. Their stories of healing were very moving.

A pleasant evening was had by all.

Healing Work

Last night, My Gal contacted me as she had a screaming headache. I was able to reach her very quickly and  rid her of the pain. She was able to sleep.

Today, she had other issues. Her headache was beginning to reappear due to a stressful situation. She blamed a spike in blood pressure for the headache. I was easily able to reduce the pain to nothing. My "soul" that helps me with healing cautioned me to be careful with the blood pressure. I kept looking for the root cause and found a sheath of etheric energy around her thighs. I removed it.

She reported her liver suddenly began to throb. She has a chronic liver issue. I went back in an instant. Hermes showed up and calmed that right down. Then she reported the throbbing had moved to both arms but everything else was much better.

I went back a third time to observe. The throbbing would ebb away. It was caused by the change in blood pressure. This time, I saw her nervous energy. I was easily able to remove that and shunt it off to "the Grove" in my backyard. She reported being calm and pain free.

Personally, I am working on accepting things into my life. I am working on being very open to the book getting done and other things I want in my life. I am not sure what barriers I am breaking down. I can 'feel' them as resistance or see them as ill-defined shapes. I simply work to be open past them and let them dissolve on their own.

I am doing this because I think I don't have a couple things in my life because I have been too fearful of them in the past. No more.

Shadow Soul

Last night, I was tempted into old behavior. Some of it, very old. I indulged it so far as to be the equivalent of a shopping spree thwarted by a ten minute look at a catalog. Later, my shadow sneaked up on me. I played with it for a while and realized this play was as far as I was capable of indulging it. I woke up with a painful back.

As you may recall, I have been working with my shadow to find another way of speaking to me besides back pain. I realized my error above, talked to it, aspired. Slowly, the pain subsided and I grew holy. This holy feeling intensified until it was time for a soul reading, which I performed.

I cannot speak of that at all because it was a referral and a reader will know the personal business of someone I read for. I feel that would be a violation of trust.

I can talk about my reaction. The last reading was a bit disappointing. This one was not. While not my best, it was still good to very good. Her reaction was not as euphoric as others. For a moment this bothered me. Where was the praise? Egomaniac! As soon as I let that go, which took but an instant, I felt connected, pure, holy.

My back felt great and still does.

Concentration is the key. I am at my happiest after a period of intense concentration like a reading. Doing soul readings focuses my concentration so well that I usually feel its beneficial impacts into the next day.

I am of the opinion, that in order to live a life of spiritual manifestation, one must remain the confines of one soul. The shadow exists outside of the light of that soul. Think of this as a triangle within a circle. Within the bounds of the triangle is the soul. The circle represents that which one is exposed to. That area between the lines of the triangle and the circle contains the shadow. One cannot engage the shadow nor reject it but simply witness that darkness.

The darkness is not an evil. It is as holy as the light but that holiness represents the barrier. Only the strongest assimilates that place. That person is not me for the moment.

The Work Being Done

On my last trip to Bakersfield, someone sat down next to me and related her tale. A year ago, she asked me the difference between High Magick and Low. I have no idea what I said, that is not my favorite question to answer.

She told me that back then, she did magick to create mirrros for all her actions. She wished to make her outside actions fall in line with her inner thoughts. Now that is what I call holy magick. She told me of the difficulties of the last year. Then she said something. Something that earned my ever-lasting respect, "I think I have just about recovered. I am ready to do it again."

Healing

This are some of the coolest words from the New Pagan on her blog, "Since then I have been using what I leaned from Robert to heal myself, with amazing results on the emotional end."

Growth

So last night I posted about a not so great tarot reading. Old Robert would have questioned his spirituality, ability and been down. This time, the universe responded for me. I received a text message from a spiritual person that immediately engaged me in a discussion that shored up any possible self-criticism. Then today, I went over and had a talk with someone running into the life changing events the Manifestation Meditation is designed to produce. I do believe I was helpful at times during that conversation.

Tonight, I also had a revelation. I have been doing a bit of itching to do magick again. Though, if that happens, I am going to approach it from a new angle.

I have been reading MAP which is a book that was given to me by Yvonne. This is a book that smacks of Theosophy but basically claims to get one in contact with spiritual healers. I am reading the book with an open mind. It did make the point of needing to be open to the healing.

Then Susan sent me that wonderful talisman painting. I have it facing my bed. Every night, I remind myself that I am open to its healing energy. Since then, I have felt healthy. Even my back has been well.

So, if I do magick again, I am going to spend a lot of time making sure I am open to my desire, that I unify with the entire scope of the result, that I fully embrace that I deserve what I do magick to obtain. The magick will be magnetic and unifying not willful and fiery.

Soul Reading Flop

Well, it was bound to happen.

I did a reading for a person that could have linked me to many referrals. I feel I connected on many levels but I didn't have the depth I normally do. That does not mean I was wrong but it didn't have much of the wow factor. Well, it did for me in a couple of points. For her, I think it was lackluster at best.

I got no enthusiasm from her as I do from most.

It could be that I was doing it for the wrong reasons, referrals. It could be that some folks do not want to be read and/or cannot accept what is said. It could be I had an off day.

Edit: Flower stated that I feel much different than after most readings. She says that rather than glowing or full of energy that I feel "Lost."

Morning Meditations

I have been waking up early of late. This is not on purpose. When I find myself awake a half hour to an hour early, I reluctantly do the MM. I think this waking early is happening because I have been lazy. I have been so wrapped up in soul readings that I have not been doing the MM with any sort of focus, if at all. This is not good. Each time I do the MM well, I am rewarded by that cool watery feeling descending upon me as I drive to or from work. Every time this happens, I am surprised. You would think that I'd know it was coming but I never do.

As I reported yesterday or the day before, I have been reliving things a little bit. It hasn't been horrific. Now, I have the ability to stop myself from spinning out on things. I learned something today. I had a random thought today. My response to that thought was another thought. It went like this.

When you notice that you're looking at something totally differently than you have before, pay attention. This is growth and the result of the Work. The thought that inspired this was that sometimes we get into habits of existence. As we grow, we must break out of that habit.

In this case, my habit was to feel inferior to my former mentor. This is not anything he would have fostered or encouraged. I think it stemmed from the natural 'looking up to' but eventually turned into a 'less than'. The only way to break out of that was to terminate the relationship. That was not my conscious reason. It may have been my soul reason.

Dropping that and coming into my own has resulted in the ability to do soul readings. This is by far the most service I have been to others in my magickal career. It is a unique talent and a very useful and practical one. If I did nothing else but that for the rest of my life, I would view my magickal career a success when it came to developing a talent and being of service to others. That is quite a statement given that I feel I am just beginning to develop that ability. There is a long way to go.

Future Posts

I have something to post about regarding the New Pagan and a friend from Bakersfield.

Also, tonight, I was going to offer a surprise. My plan was to skry the Moon card from the Thoth deck using the same technique I use for soul readings. During that process, I would relate what I saw just like if I was reading a soul. Only this time, I was going to do an audio recording and post it. My soul readings last forty-five minutes to an hour. I am not sure how long this would last. I cannot imagine many of you would want to listen to a forty-five minute audio from me reading a tarot card. However, for as long as you last, it may give you some insight as to what a soul reading is like. If, for whatever reason, you folks like that post, I will make an effort to move through the major arcana.

Loving Soul!

Such an Honor

A couple of Thursday's ago, I posted about a wonderful gift Susanne Iles gave me. The painting is in my bedroom and radiates a nice humming healing energy. In return for that lovely gift, I provided a soul reading.

I experienced a soul full of such love that it was amazing, humbling and of such wonderful feeling that I am at a loss of words. I am near tears at such beauty. You people are divine! I wish you folks could see yourselves as I can see you.

Her response to the reading included these quotes. "I am blown away." "You've opened whole new worlds for me." "This is worth a thousand paintings. I'd paint every day for you for information like this."

If words like that do not encourage one to do more readings, I do not know what would.

Edit: The other unusual thing was that I was given some burning energy to get rid of. I sent it to the 'Grove' in my backyard.

My MM Work

I started writing this before the above reading. Frankly, after that, it seems very trite and unimportant.

The last couple of days I have been thinking of the past. I have not been thinking of the horrible incident from long ago that long time readers are aware of. I have been thinking of a past relationship and of my mentor. I tend to replay things and conversations. I have a hard time understanding why people do not understand or care to understand my point of view when a relationship of any sort is of some importance. I have a hard time with blatantly contradictory statements. Naturally, when I am not worked up, I can understand...mostly.

What I understood less is why these thoughts are resurfacing after a period of such peace.

This question lead me to the Manifestation Meditation. I asked, "Why am I thinking of this now?" A very clear 'voice' in my head replied, "Because you haven't learned everything yet." I was told that sometimes things simply do not work. The words humans use to try to explain are approximations at best. Trying to make logical sense of them is silly.

As part of this, I asked for the two things I want out of life. I was told it was too early. I said I did not care. The response was that if I ask for that now, I will lose every friend I have. The cause of this will be false rumors that are believed by all. I cannot imagine what this would be. I asked for 24 hours that I may blog it first. Yeah, even in that sort of conversation, I'm a blogger.

I woke up an  hour early today. So, I did the MM again. I asked about the above and was told it was not true. The voices sounded the same. Things 'felt' the same. I have no idea what is going on. So, I asked for all those two things again.

I figure it is time to through myself unto the fire again anyway.

MM for Others

I have noticed several sets of like events that people go through when doing the MM. This tells me an egregore is forming. I am pleased by this. I will blog more on that but that is all for tonight.

Three Turned Away

I celebrated Beltane with the Bakersfield Tribe.

There were two in need of healing. Both instinctually turned away before I could offer. I did not pursue.

There was one I would have offered blessing to. She turned away misinterpreting my approach.

I did not pursue. Perhaps they need their suffering. I can but offer. They chose to decline without knowing.  This is as it should be.                     

I feel of late that I am near to something, a break through. No specifics.

You are Fully Worthy

Last night, I spoke to my shadow again. I found another thing within it. The idea buried beneath the initial items reported yesterday was "not good enough." This idea, that I am not good enough to do what I am doing, has permeated my occult career. It is a thought that, no doubt, helped drive me. I sought to become worthy. Becoming such drove me very hard.

Yet now I know, no soul is unworthy. Some part of me must not have received the message. I will rectify that.

My shadow is nearly begging me to release all the stuff buried within it. For the weight of my suppressed self is a burden.

Today, I received this from a new MM practitioner, "I think I have lived much of my life doing what I thought was good and ignoring my internal truth." And so another has been introduced to her soul.

Then this post came from the New Pagan.

I wish I could share with all of you how beautiful you are. Your souls are beacons of light directly connected to the Oversoul, God, The One, or whatever you want to call that. There is peace in all of you, it permeates you. It calls out to those that can see. You are perfect. There is nothing you have ever done that is wrong or 'against God'.

You are my brothers and sisters all.

Peace . May peace be upon you, my unknown friends. May your souls sing your name. May you sing the name of your mighty souls.  May the forthcoming compassion heal the afflicted, unite the separated and sooth the troubled.

Shadow Self

Yesterday, I spoke to the Clear One. She related to me that as part of the MM she has contacted many levels of her soul. She says she is finding the spiritual connection she had been seeking. My work with her has set her physical healing in motion as well.

In her words, I found inspiration. I asked my Greater Neschemah to show me the part of my soul that causes my back pain. What came before me, externally to my perception, was a dark shape, human, void of  defining features. It said that it is my shadow. It is made up of my suppressed sexuality, insecurity and something else.

It told me that I must be gentle in all things, not only in word, deed and thought but in aspiration, in meditation.  These things are necessary for the work I have to do. So it says. There is an undercurrent to these words that is hard to explain. It is as if the words were four dimensional, maybe five. The words came accompanied by a silent base drum beat.

I told it that I would make an effort to do these things but could it find a way to teach me without the back pain? It said it would 'think about it'. Last night, I was emotionally disturbed. It was just enough to keep me up but not torturous. I think being unable to let go, to be more gentle, was a failure. Today, I am in some pain, not great but not good.

It is still my hope this shadow self finds a new way to goad me into a more gentle spirit.

Hodge Podge

This is just a short post about some various things.

Manifestation of What?

My platonic live-in friend, Flower, says she got up the other night to see a blue light coming out of my office. She says she was fully awake. She saw it with her physical eyes but knew it was not of physical origin. It did not scare her but she did not open the door to find the source of the light.

Ripper Victim?

There seems to be some evidence that my vision of the Jack the Ripper victim may have been more accurate than I thought. I am still taking it with a grain of sand. I mean really, what are the chances of that?

Back

My back has had a very good week. The one time I did not obey the dictates of my soul and attend the mindfullness class, I got upset and was in a great deal of pain for a hour before I made amends and felt better. Could my back problems be a way of my soul telling me I am off track?

Friendship

I have made amends with the Witch.

Soul Reading

I did another last night. The remarkable characteristics follow. There was a remarkable confluence of conflict with the person.  I almost fell into a nasty part of her past by astral projecting into it. While she was the first person to call me "seer" and I liked that. I felt it was one of my more questionable reads. I was quite correct in many ways but just a tad more off than normal.

Work

Is going very well.

Manifestation Meditation

Several people are having some problems. One of them I am quite concerned about. One is doing extraordinarily well.

I Am

The less I grab onto an identity the better my magick and seership becomes. I say that as I adopt the new label seer.

Personal Notes

I did a paid tarot reading Sunday night. Actually it was a set of yes/no questions. I found that I had the answers before I turned the cards. I don't think I will need cards much longer.

I am not doing the MM as I should. I am getting lazy personally because I feel I am working for others so much. That is hogwash. I have plenty of time to work on myself too. I think I am afraid of the next step. I ducked out on Mindfullness class tonight.

When I first saw that each soul level had an environment I was doing a soul reading for a friend. I have seen a similar image ever since when I use my third eye. I have finally realized it is either my nephesch world or a gateway into a 'land of nephesch' whatever that may be.

I did the Manifestation Meditation class in Bakersfield last weekend. I didn't do as well as the first time I did it. Though, I have already had follow up from two of the ten attendees.

The frustration at work hasn't flared up.

There have been lots of emails regarding the MM and the positive effects. There is one person having a bit of a rough time. Overall, I fell very good about the help and healing I am providing. However, I am smelling the danger there. The moment I say "I am" a healer, a helper or anything else the ego comes into play. I am enjoying the fun of seeing people heal while trying to tamp down the ego.

I need to rework the class for those with no magickal experience whatsoever.

I have learned that the little emotions that we push outward to people or up into our self-esteeem (for positive or negative) are the one's that get in the way of enjoyment of life. Emotions, received as they descend through the creative process are those that make us happy and content. I am reaching this conclusion because every time I express an emotional want, I am temporarily miserable. Yet, when I accept the emotions that descend from doing the MM and various healings, I am happy. That said I can still be somewhat discontent in areas but generally happy as long as I don't long for that discontent to be alleviated.