Tough Soul Reading

I did a soul reading this weekend. This will be very difficult to write-up. It would take much too long to figure out the proper wording for a decent post. Bear with me.  This reading was done for free as she volunteered when I still needed guinea pigs to hone my technique. I am obligated for a couple more of those.

This person has given me full permission to post anything I want to.

Her soul  reading was by far the most difficult I have ever done. The upside was that despite the hard work I didn't detect any tiredness after.

Betty (not her real name) has always felt that she is routinely ignored. In fact, even when she goes out of her way to be helpful, she barely gets a thank you. People seem to forget her and/or view her very negatively. Betty is someone I know and I can vouch for the fact that her routine behavior is not contemptible and she she is normally smiling and friendly. I have seen her attract some negative people as friends. I have also seen positive people stay away from her but without actually saying anything negative about Betty.

When I started the reading, I felt putrid energy. This is energy was vile and unexpected. Trying to move past it was like walking through a crack whore. It smelled of drugs, decay and despair. Worse, there was a LOT of this energy. Her Nephesch was using this to hide. It has no interest in ever being noticed by anyone.

It is so secretive that it lead me to a house and then cranked up the negative energy. It lead me to believe something horrible happened there until Betty said she had no recollection of the house. When i went back much later in the reading, the house was Betty's calm place. The Nephesch did not want me to lead her there. So, it showed me the place as a horror house. Clever.

At some point, I said words that I never thought I'd say in my life. "You are the reincarnation of one of Jack the Ripper's victim's." I told her that her father was rich man and she was borne out of wedlock which eventually forced her into prostitution. Having checked the Ripper's victims this cannot be accurate. There were no bastards in that lot. This must have been a metaphor for a murdered prostitute.

It was obvious that the nephesch would thrown up this drug whore energy to make people ignore her. I advised her on techniques for overcoming this energy. I know these would work but then I'd say something like, "But even if you do that you will have the same problem."

The energy clung to her like a cloud. I eventually used my hands to push it away and find the light underneath. She said she found that part to be pleasant and enjoyed watching me do it. I found the light and then an image over that light. I didn't share this with Betty because I didn't think to and I didn't have a meaning for it. I figured out that the shape was something I recognize as a guardian. My conclusion on that is that I won't be able to read her better parts until we deal with the crack whore energy.

I kept pushing past the muck until I learned something. The reason that despite all her efforts she can't change her situation is that she has an open portal between this life and the dead prostitute life. No amount of cleansing will help until that door is closed.

I can't let this go. If anyone called for a healing it is this woman. I have set appointments to consult with some other people of skill for advice on how to approach this. I have every intention of shutting that door so this woman can live.

Incredible Gift / More Follow-Up

I have posted a bit on using the MM to heal my back. This section is to clarify and extend those posts a bit.

When I first started the statement of intent was a bit wishy washy. I changed it recently to "WILL HEAL MY BACK." It is firm. It is a command.

As previously reported, I have twice felt something move in back. There has been no reduction in pain whatsoever. In fact, I stayed home from work today. (Wednesday)

This next part happened Tuesday evening. One of my readers, Susanne Iles, gifted me a painting she created when she needed healing. She is giving it to me, in part, because of the healing work I have been doing. It is a link to Raphael (Physician of God) that she credits with healing her. She painted this while ill and working with Raphael for healing. The image came to her in a dream.

This painting is an incredible personal gift of considerable value. Susanne has an international reputation. It comes from the Spirit of its Creator and thus from Creation itself. This object will be placed facing my bed when it arrives. I am hoping it helps my back to heal or is an instructor to increase my ability to heal others.

I am incredibly moved by this gift from someone I must admit I like but do not know well. It is a gift of spirit from spirit to spirit.

Follow-up on the Agnostic:

Within the Nature of Healing post, I reported this:

I found a bundle of energy that keeps her awake. It spins around her in the form of a teddy bear. This energy thinks it is comforting her when it is not. Again, I ignored this and found the spot that needs comforted. I held it like a baby and assured it that whatever happened wasnot currently happeningand gently replaced the energy back into the Agnostic. I will report later any result.


Originally I thought this happened at the same time, which would have been super cool. However, she just corrected me and said she did the MM today and saw the same teddy bear. The issue that was not currently happening was childhood bed wetting. If you had asked me what the issue was, it wouldn't have been that, that is why it is important that the healer know the difference between his issues and someone else's problems. Had I projected my opinion into the situation, I would have messed it up.

What was keeping her awake at night was energy that kept her awake at night. She said this:

I think I've been coping with this fear of bedwetting by very stubbornly refusing to think about the fact that I have to pee, which means finding something else to think about. But of course, being uncomfortable and trying not to worry both contribute to me finding *negative* things to think about.

This is the issue within the issue that needs to be dealt with for real healing to occur. If anything less than this is found the healing will either be short-lived or resurface in a different way. This can also explain why you have to love the illness. The illness in this case was the emotion of a small child with an unsympathetic father. How can you not have compassion for that?

The icing on the cake is this. Not only did the AGNOSTIC that doesn't believe in any of this stuff see, admit to seeing, and dealt with an astral form she volunteered that I could blog this. This is the person that was literally afraid of making a phone call to order a pizza a couple of months ago and she is not embarrassed at all about a childhood incident many would, incorrectly, find embarrassing to admit.

That, my friends, is healing at it's brightest. I am so proud of her.

I sent the above to her to make sure she approved of this post. This was her response.

Only one minor detail: I was not doing the MM specifically to help with sleep. I was asking my Greater Neschemah to manifest in me. I have done the meditation that way about half a dozen times, and every time I have, I've been given knowledge that helps with issues that I have already started working on, and that I believe would need to be resolved before that manifestation could occur. This was more of that. (I still don't buy all of this in a literal way, btw; I do like the metaphor, though).

She reported Today (Thursday) that she had trouble sleeping but that the medication the doctor put her on can cause insomnia!

Follow-Up to Healings

I worked on the Clear One for her digestion issues and posted on that earlier today. Today, she reports that starting with a benchmark of just prior to my work and calling those symptoms a 10. Yesterday, they dropped to a 2. Today, they are about a 3 but she had a traumatic morning and was emotionally upset. While the original illness appears to be hanging on, even though she says, "I can tell I am healing," her pain was greatly reduced. Oh yeah, she can eat now.

As for, the Agnostic, there is news there too. Prior to doing the MM, she was riddled with anxiety. Last week she reported that she needed a medical appointment. In the past, the prospect terrified her. This time she just picked up the phone and made an appointment. Today, she had the appointment. In the past, she may have been so terrified shouldn't couldn't make the appointment or not go or not speak once she got there. Today, she walked right in, talked to the doctor and obtained a prescription! 

The Nature of Healing: Pagan Blog Project

I have been remiss in my Pagan Blog Project duties mostly because I was uninspired. This is my H is for Healing post.

I have noticed an all encompassing personal lesson emerge from my dark night of the soul and continue all the way the through my soul reading and pain and sleep disorder healing work.

There are several key components to healing. These apply to healing physical, mental, emotional, creative and spiritual issues, as well as, interpersonal relationships be they friendly, romantic, or professional.

• Clearly understanding what is yours versus what is belongs to the other party
• Compassion
• A Gentle Hand
• Detachment from Ego
• Instincts

That first one may not make much sense when we think of physical healing as we think of doctors and bandages. However, we may think a given issue is caused by a given thing. Often that perspective is born of our experience and our life rather than true seeing. Allowing yourself to see other than what you expect reflects a deep understanding of the process of healing. Failing to do so can cause the subtle images of the astral to morph in ways that allow your misinterpretation of the problem. If you allow this, you cannot heal. 

Compassion must be felt. It is only through compassion for the pain of others that one can truly feel the deepest of issues. Without this, one would be treating the symptom such as sleeplessness rather than the cause.

Surgery is a martial art. Cutting, blood, removing organs or cancers all fall under the the purview of Mars. Psychic Healing falls more under the purview of Jupiter, Saturn, Water and Air. All of those require a very soft use of force or a gentle hand. One must cradle the illness, comfort it and replace it back in the astral body of the ill. Only in this way can that part of the person heal in an integrated manner. Simply cutting it away can result in a vacuum that can be filled by almost anything. Compassion and healing means loving the entire person not just the part that feels healthy. One must love the illness as well. 

Detachment from the ego is a bit redundant as it is necessary for knowing what is the healer's versus the other's. Things go further than that. Ego will force healing. Ego will impose itself on the process. This will flash back and result in failure. 

Instincts come into play once you see the problem. Sometimes we can heal through the shamantic process. A shaman is often given his gifts to heal by having suffered through the illness. I have an intimate relationship with pain on many levels. Therefore, I can heal it. While I suppose this counts as instincts, it isn't what I mean by instincts. When the healer encounters something new, he must speak to the soul of the ill and/or the universe at large to find the method of best practice and apply it. This is something made impossible by the ego. One must detach from the ego in order to make this work. 

Some Healing in Action

The Clear One

I am aiding another local witch that I will refer to as the Clear One. She is having horrible stomach/digestion issues. 

In my work with her, I saw that she has done so much astral work that she's damaged the connection between her subtle bodies and her digestive tract. She is losing the connection between these bodies. Naturally, this is quite dangerous. I smoothed 'earth' onto her belly and back of her torso. This she seemed to respond to well. I then called the etheric body and 'rubbed' their tummies together. 

It was here that one of her guardians approached. He was tall brawny and wore a kilt. He was having none of this type of help from me. He knew I meant well and he did not menace me but I was going no further. I have a feeling this was one of her other plane friends and my work may make their visits more difficult. I backed off. There is no reason to fight to heal (see detachment from ego above). 

Later she reported this is one of her astral friends. He believed she needed to do the work I was doing herself. 

I followed up with instructions to her which she followed. The next day she reported no longer feeling like she has been punched in the stomach. Also her nausea is gone. This is within twelve hours of the healing and something modern medicine was not helping with.

The Agnostic

She is having a hard time sleeping and always has. Last night, I went past the part of her that says she must do everything herself. I went past it. I did not 'fix it'. I did not fix it because I talked to her soul and found this to be a very positive trait for her in this portion of her life. Yes, she needs a little more help than she is willing to accept right now but I cannot remove this trait to facilitate that. She needs it. Again, this is detachment. I have learned the lesson that getting help can actually strengthen me and my friendships. I did not impose that lesson on her. First of all, I have no right to impose anything. Secondly, she may not need that lesson and, if she does, she needs to learn it her way.

I found a bundle of energy that keeps her awake. It spins around her in the form of a teddy bear. This energy thinks it is comforting her when it is not. Again, I ignored this and found the spot that needs comforted. I held it like a baby and assured it that whatever happened was not currently happening and gently replaced the energy back into the Agnostic. I will report later any result. 

Winter Update and Pain Services

Pain Management and Insomnia Services

I am offering my occult services in the areas of Pain Management and Insomnia, as well as, miscellaneous  emotional or other issues as they arise. Please see this page for details and the honor-based fee structure.

Winter

I am working with Winter and her alcoholism. So far, she is doing very well. Is no longer drunk nightly. She has reduced by at least half her alcohol consumption and reports that drinking is now boring.

Last night, I visited her Nephesch. To my vision, it has changed from an angry crying baby to a more serpent being. Previously, I had advised Winter to kindly approach her Nephesch and offer it certain words of comfort. In speaking with it, it reports she has tried and it seemed to appreciate the effort even though it was not greatly effective. Well, at least to them. I think seeing the nephesch change shape does demonstrate changes have occurred from those efforts.

I asked it what it needed for comfort. I 'took' it to a Catholic church. It was not uncomfortable there but not comforted by being there. I then took it someplace else that I can't recall and that was about the same. Then, I was outside looking up and seeing stars in the night sky. This it found comfort in. I have advised her to spend some time at night, looking at the sky and thinking peaceful thoughts while realizing she is doing this for her Nephesch.

Her Ruach is angry and not being treated like everyone else. This is a common ego trip. We are all treated exactly like everyone would be if we behaved the way the way they do. I will be advising Winter on how to begin changing her public behavior. She also needs to ask the Ruach to reach out to the Nephesch and build some interaction there.

In speaking with her, she has no interest in changing public behavior. That is okay. It is my job to share what I see not convince other people how they should live in any form whatsoever. I will see if there is another way to calm this anger. If not, then there is nothing to be done with that portion until she is ready.

Myself

I am feeling completely blessed when I come home to write the blog or aid the people I am aiming. My Greater Neschemah gives me a reward of coolness that tingles all over my body. For some odd reason, I get this driving home and sometimes it is so strong that I am tempted to pull to the side.

The sexuality from the last reading seems to be fading but not quite gone.

I have used the MM on my back recently. Twice now, I have changed the meditation using more direct phrasing. Twice I have felt something move physically. No real change in symptoms though.

Manifestation Meditation

An attendee of the class started reading the blog. She read where I learned that anxiety seems to be the first thing to be resolved with the meditation. She was stunned as she has the same experience with no coaching from me whatsoever. I was not even aware she was doing the meditation.

For another example of its effects of highest self contact, see this post from Yvonne.

Soul Reading Impact

Soul Reading Impact

Sunday, I did a soul reading. The time before this, I reabsorbed the energy around the person I was reading for. I think I picked up a lot of her jovial spirit in that. This time, I reabsorbed the energy around me. The results were similar.

Flower, who lives with me platonically, mentioned this morning that after those last two readings, I spoke faster and glowed like a candle. The latter sounds kind of cool. It makes me wish I could see auras like that. After the reading I felt good. I thought of reducing my weekday prices because I had so much good energy that I wouldn't crash at work today. Wrong. I crashed. Perhaps not as hard as before but there was an obvious crash.

I performed the MM at lunch for replenishing energy. It worked some.

Like the last reading where I felt I was imbued with the readee's happiness, this time I was imbued with the readee's...SECTION REDACTED. SORRY. This a quick edit after posting. There was more here a minute ago. REDACTION REDACTED after speaking with the readee.

I was imbued with the readee's sexuality. This could raise some professionalism issues in the future, if that sort of thing is normal.

A Moment of Connection

After the comment about glowing this morning, I was inspired to 'be holy' today, whatever that means. I tried to stay connected to my Greater Neschemah throughout the day. Early on, I felt that my coworker was having a sudden and momentary hard time regarding her hustand who passed a few months ago. On our walk during break she mentioned at that time she received an email from her deceased husband. Some spammer had used his email to send spam to his entire address book.

Soul Reading Costs

A few people have commented that they want a soul reading but they can't afford it. If people make a reasonable upfront payment, I will give them some time to pay the rest. Email me for details. Priorities on this go to people I recognize from the comments section. Just don't be the person that ruins it for everyone else.

This weekend is already booked though.

Pain Management Services

Soon there will be a services page detailing costs on this. They will be more affordable than soul readings.

Personal Note

I realized today that I have no animosity regarding my former coven. We are not going to be best friends or anything but the animosity seems to be gone.

Past Lives

Sometime last week I went over to my friend Audra's place. She offered sometime ago to work on past lives. She did a guided meditation for me. I found three past lives.

The first was of a Roman chariot racer. I came in as the race was about to finish. My adrenaline rushed through me. I didn't win the race but I did experience the joy "I" experienced at the athleticism involved. There seemed to be a camaraderie there. Almost immediately after the race ended there was either a riot or an attack by a mob of people. It seemed to organized for a riot and to undisciplined for an attack. Also, there wasn't anything like a uniform. What I did see was masses of attacking men filling the street. I know I was in that melee somewhere but it didn't bother me. I have no idea if I was killed in that event or not. I felt no fear.

The second was me standing in the prow of a ship. I had a very long brass horn. There was a cannon on the deck. This didn't last long.

The third was in an open plain. I was consulting a witch. She had lit a fire inside a cauldron. She then put a cover or blanket over the fire and from that she showed me a past life. Yes, I did a past life regression with a witch and saw a witch showing me a past life. Um...er....right. She should me how I was killed by being boiled in oil. I said, "Is that this life?" She said, "No it was a past life. This is this life." I then saw an image of a nearly feral boy in a very verdant scene. This made no sense because she was showing me the current life while I was younger.

Audra told me that I should only do three lives. So, I started to back out but I saw a God in profile as I did. It was an old man god like Zues.

I may explore the witch life in the future. Then again,  I am not sure if any of these was 'real' or just imagination. However, the chariot driver vision created adrenaline rushes and the like. It seemed realish.

Soul Reading

I did a reading today. I always feel anxious as I start, "Will this work?" It went well. Her first words were, "Wow that was scary accurate." She then sent me a note that said, "like you said I have... (on thinking back I was a .....) but I've never had that emotional connection to these things." Sorry for the edit but it isn't my place to reveal what she said exactly but this revealed a common result of my readings. Helping people connect things they never connected before.

Follow-Ups and Another Service

MM People

Winter has been doing quite well with her drinking. She reports that she is getting bored with alcohol. Also, she had reduced her intake to the point that she doesn't have that fuzzy brain feeling anymore and can thus enjoy reading with full concentration. She loves to read. Also, she is looking for activities to do during her normal drinking period. Winter is doing this not as a substitute but because she is no able to do other things.

I am helping Winter using soul healing and advice that allows her to heal her own soul. She is also doing the MM.

Addiction is a very difficult thing to deal with. If I am successful at aiding Winter to give it up, I plan on asking the local leader of a Pagan AA group to work with. If I am successful, I will offer that as a service as well to selected people.

The New Pagan has reported that her normal anxiety issues are greatly reduced. She feels comfortable about herself even when there is someone nearby that may not like her. That is a HUGE step. Her work output in college has also been exemplary and a marked improvement over last semester.

The New Pagan is doing the MM. She started when I noticed something about her Nephesch during a pain healing. I did not heal her Nephesch. After being told about it, she took her own steps to do that. In my opinion, that ROCKS!

The agnostic went on a job interview this week! She has moved from virtual shut-in to being very confident in a job interview for a part time job that she calls a transitional job. She is aware there is more to come whether she gets hired for this one or not. She also learned a very important lesson today. I am not going to blog that as I don't know if she is comfortable with me doing so.

I am very proud of these people.

Follow Up

This is a follow up to my post earlier today.

One of the things I mentioned was feeling this feeling of compassion and holiness. The compassion is not directed at anyone but more the Universe, to every molecule and no molecule, to all suffering and no suffering. I has dawned on my that there is no difference between compassion and holiness whatsoever. I am also aware that having compassion without acting on it is not...complete. How do you act on compassion to a molecule? Of course, there are more practical considerations.

As part of that early morning connection, I have realized there is resistance. I'm not sure if I have mentioned it here but about ago I woke up a vegetarian. I have found the better I eat the better I feel. The less meat I eat, the better I feel. The holier I feel the more crap I eat. What? Yeah. ALong with being a vegetarian, I haven't eaten snack food, chips, cakes, cookiess or anything else. At least I didn't right up until I started to feel holy. Then the body attacked. Yesterday, I HAD TO HAVE something to EAT RIGHT NOW. There were only potato chips in the vending machine. I had some. I have ordered food to be delivered twice in two days.

I find this to be quite odd.

Today, I am disturbed. I am moving back and forth between feeling that wonderful cool water spread through my lighter bodies. I have come to attribute Greater Neschemah contact. Other times, I feel lazy and my body feels tired. I feel as if I am being shown transitional states or that I can eventual live within that cool water. I do not know. What I do know is that I do not know what I am being taught. I don't understand. I am confused. I am a bit afraid and then suddenly at peace.

Another Service

I have always been pretty good with dealing with pain. I have had particular success with headaches and unexplained physical pain. By that I mean pain that doctors would attribute to emotional issues or other sorts of vague diagnoses. I will like post some reasonable rates for that as well that will slide depending upon severity.

Life at the Moment

I am having some issues.

First of all, nothing makes me happier than teaching the MM. Every time I do, people heal and grow. Every time I do, my back feels great for that period of time. Then why cannot I not crank out this book? I know 90% of the information off the top of my head. I just cannot seem to make the effort to get it out of there.

Last night, I did the MM to help me crank out 5,000 words this weekend. I have nothing else to do this weekend and that isn't really a lot of first draft words. It helped in that I keep trying but I just can't take a meaningful step that starts things off.

I am getting perturbed with myself big time. I know writing a book is hard work. I know editing is hard work but I put words up here all the time. The only difference is that the book is more structured.

Issue #2

Someone was thinking of me last night. I could feel emotional angst, torment. I think it was female. There was no way for me to tell if this person was in pain because of something I did or was thinking of me in a support role. It wasn't loud enough to be disturbing other than someone was in pain. It made me sad.

When things like this happen, I feel arrogant and a bit nuts. Arrogant to think that someone is up at 11:00 PM on a Friday night focused on me. Nuts because that is so subjective, I could be imagining it. If someone is thinking of me that strongly, I wish they'd call.

Issue #3

I want to do a lot of soul readings. I love them. I love helping people heal and I learn a great deal about the human condition in general. I am a very strong tarot reader but soul readings up that to shame. Yet, I do not want to get overloaded in doing them. I am considering doing the MM to build up a clientele.

Good Issue

I have been waking up in the morning feeling very peaceful and connected to the universe. This is way cool because I just feel like love and compassion.  I am changing once again.

There are times that I really feel peaceful, holy, in communion. That feeling is always want I imaged I'd arrive at upon this journey. I feel like I have climbed the mountain of initiation only to learn that it is a foothill. I am good with that. Seriously, I am good with that.

Someone hand me some trail mix. Up we go!

Next Post

I will post later today on some MM success stories. I am trying to catch up from my lack of blogging last week.

Soul Readings Offered

I am very confident in my ability to do soul readings. I am now offering them through Google+ and Skype. This page shares information about the soul readings, FAQs, pricing and contains a reference letter and a link to blog written by a recent client.

This weekend I will catch up on some recent events in a more normal post.

EDIT: I fixed the link to the blogger's account of a soul reading.

Soul Sangha

Today was the first meeting for the Soul Sangha. This is the name I have given to the Manifestation Meditation group that will meet here monthly. Four people, including myself, attended. Two people had indicated they would. One of them had to work.

All four of us reported almost instant changes occurring doing the meditation. Mine was the slowest in developing but I was the guy that pulled the thing into manifestation. So, it stands to reason that the effects would take a bit longer in me.

All four of us also reported that social anxiety was the first target to be tackled by our higher selves. While that anxiety took different forms in all of us, our souls chose it to go first. Three of us reported greater self confidence manifesting in a healthy way. There was not a bit of us versus them but more of an "I really am ok," type of emotion. The fourth had only been doing the meditation for a few days. So the self-confidence part hasn't hit him yet.

Everyone had very positive stories to tell from great success in tasks that were previously difficult to mental and physical health issues being resolved.

Two of us reported severe 'initiatiatory deconstructions' in the beginning stages.

Soul Reading

The soul reading I did yesterday did not cause the extreme fatigue previous readings have. This time I absorbed the energy around the reading before I left. I caught the happiness of the readee. I am glad it worked out this time but next time, if the person is not so joyful, it could be a problem.

A Note - Soul Readings

I have been very busy of late. Hence the lack of posts. I have lots to post about but likely will never get to it. I have even done some past life work.

I will begin offering soul readings here. I am nailing them on accuracy, helping and healing people with them. I will post a write up and price structure for those soon. They are not cheap and I will do a maximum of two a week.

Where are the Female Mages?

Yvonne over at Fifth Dimensional Self posted this:

...Furthermore, can I say that I find a lot of the blogs to be overflowing with insincerity, ego, false confidence, intellectual insecurity, hyper-pettiness, grandstanding the likes of which one finds at a Princeton graduate student seminar, and unselfconsciously masculinist discourse that often devolves into arguments over obscure facets of knowledge and other (generally worthless) arcana, how much one knows or doesn't know about this or that, whose books are coming out, what courses are being sold, who has the best amulets, who can piss the furthest, who is better at commanding god knows what demon or spirit to do god knows what and so forth. 


 As with magick practice in general, much content is dominated by the male interest in either getting laid or getting rich. Hence the pissing contests. 


 Since I don't have a penis I suppose I generally lack interest in these styles.I wonder where the women mages are?

 While I wouldn't put it in those gender terms, I fully understand the concept she is expressing. There is a large part of magecraft that is directly theurgical in nature that is often ignored in the blogosphere. When it is mentioned, it is often by female neo-pagans as 'working with the goddess' or communing with the goddess. However, what comes out of that is such a different form of theurgy that one can miss what is being said if you don't have the language or experience to understand. I am not claiming I understand at all. I am merely saying that I get of whiff of it. Often, one can sense their theurgy is often martial, when you read between the lines.

The OTO also produces some powerhouse women but be warned "woman girt with sword" is not some metaphor. Those ladies kick ass. I do not fully understand how they express their theurgy either but I know it is there. It too is oddly martial.

The people in the pagan community I know that seem to have hit the theurgic mark quite well are the OBOD Druids. I don't see much of them on-line. I also see the need for more female mages that do theurgy and express in ways people that are not doing their exact form of the work can easily understand.

If you women are out there that do theurgy and can talk to us people that do it other ways or even something close to 'our' way, please let us know you are there, doubly so if you blog.

Class and Soul Reading

The first class on the MM went well. People had a good time and I think they really heard what I had to say.   The presentation style I chose was a bit out of my normal mode of delivery but it went over very well. The turn out was about half of those who had signed up which is a bit better other classes that I have seen done under the same organizational umbrella. I think there was 15 to 17 people there. I told them all not to decide weather they wanted to do the meditation or join the sangha that day. Despite that, two asked if they can attend. I have no idea if others will contact me later on that part or not.

Overall, I am quite pleased with how it turned out. I did note that my back did not hurt during that presentation at all. While negative emotion can make it worse full concentration can make it go away.

Self

We all have negative thoughts. We all have sad memories placed before our metaphorical windshield from time to time. Of late, I have been able to notice such thoughts and put them away, let them go. I don't latch onto the negative/painful idea. This allows me to sleep so much better.

Sleep Problems

I have agreed to help the Agnostic with sleep problems. I tried Thursday night. I couldn't get near her. I am not sure why. I will try again.

Soul Reading

I did another paid reading yesterday. It went very well. I will write that up and send it to the person and see if s/he is willing to have me post it. I will remove some detail.

I great a great deal of satisfaction doing these readings. I was not tired afterwards at all. This is good. I am stretching those muscles. I want to get to the point where I could do five a day. If I can do that, I will take the show on the road to various occult shops and other like minded facilities.

My problem is that even people that understand the qabalistic terms I use are a bit confused as to what a soul reading is. I am sending an email today those that have had a reading asking them to describe it so that someone else could understand it. That may give me a clue as to how to market it. In my opinion, it is a great value at $100 for an hour reading.

Dream Creation, Progress

Dream Creation

Yesterday, I reported that I had an experience within someone else's soul and the ramifications of that experience. From seeing other people's soul parts and how they appear to be individually aware, I decided that I would try to talk directly to my soul parts. Please keep in mind that I am not convinced that soul parts are individually aware only that they appear to be when I view them.

The night before last, I prayed to my Nephesch to give me a dream so that I could understand it's true nature. I woke knowing I had a dream. I knew it was meaningful. Yet, I had no recollection of the dream whatsoever.

Last night, I prayed to my Ruach to give me a dream so that I could learn of its true nature. I had a spectacular dream. It included many people I know. Yet, I remember nothing of the dream itself.

Tonight, I will ask that I dream of a soul part's nature to the highest level I can understand and remember.

Alcohol Progress

I astrally visited the person I am trying to assist with her alcoholism. I saw a beautiful rainbow...a spray of color...where the bubble that is alcohol in her aura was pulling away from her. That is tough to explain, sorry.

I gave her more instructions to follow to help the problem.

She has reported being in good spirits (no pun intended) and is hopeful. She is drinking significantly less than she has before.

Agnostic Progress

The agnostic is making progress with her relationships. She refers to herself now as 'my real self'. She is working on mindfulness practices and the like. There is no progress on the job front.

Today, she reported that she did the meditation appealing to her soul for spiritual growth.

Blueprint of the Soul?

Fair Warning: I am going to have a hard time explaining this. 

I did a soul reading last week and fell into a man's nephesch. This experience has changed my concept of the soul in general and the parts in particular. 

When I fell in, I saw an entire world. There was a full landscape. It reminded me of the term phrase Big Sky Country. Under the blue late dusk sky, lay a blanket of green grass.  In the distance, I could see rolling foothills but the land seemed to go on forever. I am pretty sure that there was a lot to explore. So much to explore that I understand Lon DuQuette's quote, "It is all in your head. You just have no idea how big your head is."

This has lead me to some thoughts that I will clarify further below.

• Is each soul level a 'place'? Can I go into my own soul and explore such landscapes?
• The structure of soul 'landscapes' 
• The Nesphesch isn't always in fear.
• Astral images convey meaning or emotion more than form.

Are Soul Levels Places?

I know in the past I have tried to look into my own soul or during moments of higher states and saw a solar system in a field of stars. This, if it meant anything at all, was likely my Ruach. The Ruach is centered upon Tipereth (the sun) on the tree of life. 

Having seen the Nesphesch of another as a world, I am wondering if things look like this:

Nephesch -- earthy world

Ruach -- Solar System

Immortal Soul (Greater Neschemah)- Clear/white light? Crowley describes that macrocosmically as a city of pyramids, which I have also seen. I am not even sure of the first two in my little list. Don't think I think I know what I'm talking about when it comes to the landscape of the immortal soul. 

Nephesch

I have often said the Nephesch only knows fight/flight and reproduction. However, I have seen damaged Nesphesch (plural) that look like babies to me. Well, not quite but that is as close as I can come to describe them. However, a mature person's healthy Nephesch is either unclear to be or a doorway to the above mentioned landscape. 

I have now seen several Nephesch that are not all about fear and have learned not to project fear or sexuality upon the Nephesch when I can't clearly see it.

Astral Images

The radical change between a health and damaged Nephesch seems unlikely. If I saw baby, child, teen, adult images that would make sense. However, baby to landscape does not. I am wondering if what I see conveys more the emotion of the soul level than its fixed form. 

Soul Healing and Alcoholism

For those following my work with Winter and her alcoholism. My week waiting period has ended. She reports to be very confident in getting a handle on things and is drinking less but still consistantly. I will be doing more work with her tonight or soon thereafter. 

Ego? Yeah, That Isn't Real

I noticed my own ball of ego emerge over this last few days. I have wondered how to do deal with it. Confidence is great. Doing something that helps yourself and others, great! Believing your own press, problematic.

A year or two back, I received my first fan letters after speaking at Pantheacon. I immediately realized why celebrities can go a bit nuts. If they spend time reading all that stuff, it is no wonder their egos sore and get out of control. That was a warning for me.

So, I must say as overjoyed as I was, as concerned as I was about my ego, I didn't completely lose it. That doesn't mean I didn't learn from that experience.

You can get to a place where you can be the observer. You can watch yourself act out the play. That observer can be completely unattached. I haven't reached that point yet but I did get somewhere close. I will be doing the MM in order to 'be' that observer that watches but does not interfere.

It really doesn't matter what you do. You are not your thoughts. You are not your actions. These are markers at best. All you are, is your awareness.  You are there. You are you. Your actions, words and deeds may tell you something about what is in or out of alignment, beneficial or not, in a way, I suppose. But such thinking is limited. Small ball.

There is no good or bad, up or down, beneficial or not. There is only good and un-good. Up and not up. Down and not down. And even those things are too oppositional. There is only one, one you, one thing, one universe. ARARITA!

Future post topics:

The Soul is Bigger than You Are
Why Christ Doesn't Suck
The Mormons are right (partially)

Ego Yo-Yo

Yup, life has its ups and downs. I have been fighting off ego issues for a couple of days, as I have reported. A couple of nights ago, I asked for the lesson I needed to learn. The next day, I realized I had made some mistakes in teaching the meditation and would have to go back to people and explain.

Sometime last week, I asked the few people I have shared the meditation with to send some good words for the two teachings I will be doing soon. This morning, I woke up to this:

"The Manifestation Meditation is a ritual that takes the practitioner into the heart of magick, into the place where real and true manifestation can occur. There is no goal more worthy than to be one's highest and greatest Self, and no expression of that self that is more powerful than Creation. The mantra allows one to participate in and experience Creation, and it is utterly (and beautifully) transformative. This is an experience I had hoped for but I did not expect, and I am very grateful to Robert for sharing this practice." Yvonne Chireau, Author of Black Magic: Religion and the African American Conjuring Tradition. 


What amazed me about Yvonne early on was that almost immediately she experienced more from the meditation than I did. It took me a while to realize that our experiences were analogous. Though, I am pretty sure she is a step or two ahead of me in this game. What I didn't know is that she is Harvard and Princeton educated in religious studies. I find it hugely ironic that I, a person who stresses that he is not a scholar, would be the subject of such words from someone with such an accomplished academic background.

Today, I have run through a gamut of emotions. At first, I was thrilled. I thought I was full of ego but realized that the joy of such kind things being said about oneself is not ego and is perfectly acceptable. I then realized that this too is a form of attachment that I had best overcome as well. Then, I felt pride of accomplishment and had the same realizations only there was more ego in that. Now, that I am home and posting this to various places to advertise my upcoming classes, I am the Hindenburg of either joy or ego but I haven't reached New Jersey yet. This attachment I will need to overcome as well. I think I will start on that...tomorrow.

Thank you, Yvonne, for the so very kind words. They mean a lot to me.

A Bit of Humbling

Yesterday, I posted that the ego monster had arrived. I felt pretty full of myself for a few hours there. I am sure I will again.

Last night, I meditated and asked for for for...something. I didn't ask to be humbled and that is inviting disaster. I kept fishing around for the right words and then gave up. I simply asked that I be instructed as I needed to be.

Today it hit me. I have taught the MM as both a spiritual and a mundane method. It is quite obvious how to do the MM as an act of thaumaturgy. This is incorrect. The MM is designed as a spiritual practice of attainment. Doing other things simply increases our attachment to the lower rungs of the ladder.

So, an MM mistake has thus been recorded. I will endeavor to only do the MM as originally designed. The thaumaturgy can be saved for emergencies, I suppose. However, perhaps even emergencies is an excuse.

Watching the Past

One of the things that I have learned from Be Here Now has to do with attachments. My attachment to more than one thing in the past is a problem. So, in doing the MM today using its spiritual phrasing, images came to mind, scenes of those things were created in my mind. I watched them dissolved into nothing. Then I built them up and watched them dissolve again and again and again.

I plan to continue that exercise for a while.

Church

Sometime ago, I mentioned being hit the idea of starting a church. That idea is morphing into a sangha-like idea. Rather than a full monastery as implied, this would be a loose association of like-minded people seeking enlightenment through the use of the MM.  I am still kicking around things but that seems much much better than a church.

So  What is the MM?

The Manifestation Meditation (MM) is a qabalistically based meditation designed to foster direct contact with the highest levels of the soul and manifest that in this life. The exact details of how it is performed and the meditation itself are not being posted.

One of the reasons is that I know a blogger that came up with system and taught it relatively indiscriminately. Unfortunately, that came out poorly for at least one of his students. I am more than willing to learn from someone else's mistake.

Another is that I am sharing it with people whom I know and can easily learn about. The collateral results are not in yet. The more data I collect, the more comfortable I will be with sharing.

Lastly, I am writing a book on the topic.

I'm really not sure how to respond to all of you writing and asking for the formula. I just can't do that yet.

Ego Demon

Frankly, I think I have done a pretty good job of remaining humble of late. I've been doing some things that would have inflated me into the Stay-Puft Marsh Mellow Man of ego years ago. I have been wondering when the ego demon would appear. That would be now.

The other day a good friend told me my aura was green. Today, I read in Ram Daas's Be Here Now a listing of behaviors that indicated the primary chakra one is working from. That list and my internal dialogue said I am working from the 4th chakra. I know I am relatively new to that space in the last few months. I am not sure how many people that see me a lot would notice. Folks that new me then and ran into me now would be able to sense the difference.

Also today, a distance soul reading done yesterday bore fruit. Originally, I was going to report the person to have said that it wasn't all that great as I knew her too well. Today, she realized that I shook things loose and she was able to make a phone call and heal an old relationship.

Also today, one of my readers from Texas has found himself in Sacramento and is going to drive a round trip of 400 miles to come here the Manifestation Meditation class I am giving this coming Saturday.

The ego demon is here. May God have mercy on our souls.

My strategy is to use the mantra I was given by my spirit the other day along with mindfulness exercises. Hopefully, I can keep this in check.

Great Work and the Golden Dawn: Pagan Blog Project

Note: As a former very dedicated member of the Golden Dawn tradition, I am not bad mouthing the Order or any lodge. I merely have a criticism regarding a statement and its impacts on that tradition.

The famed Israel Regardie once wrote, "“I further promise and swear that with the Divine Permission, I will from this day forward, apply myself to the Great Work, which is:  to purify and exalt my Spiritual Nature so that with the Divine Aid I may at length attain to be more than human, and thus gradually raise and unite to my Higher and Divine Genius, and that in this event I will not abuse the great power entrusted to me.”

When I first aspired to be a member of an order this quote appealed to me be more than human. Wow! I worked laboriously toward that goal, even when I didn't realize I was doing so. Somehow spirituality came to mean more than human.

Having now been provided a glimpse of my own spirituality I find the quote not only absurd but harmful. More than human implies 'better than' other humans. More than human sets a goal of arrogance. A goal met far too often within the tradition. I have participated in and seen far less humility in all forms forms of occult traditions and occult work in general than I care to admit. Given so many of traditions or ways of working in the West can trace roots back to the Golden Dawn, I am beginning to wonder if quotes like this have played a part in creating such a scene.

With my first tiny inroad into anything approaching 'attainment', whatever that is, it has become obviously apparent that one cannot be more than human. The highest levels of the soul are human. The only thing we can do is divest ourselves of the dust and dirt that make us appear less so.  All we can do is remove the blockages that prevent full manifestation of our higher selves. This isn't being more than human it is being human in a fuller sense of the word.

That fuller sense has nothing to do with power whatsoever.

Spirituality has everything to do with being whole. Wholey? It means that our souls align in such a way that they can talk to each other. It means that our personalities can hear our pure spirit and live within what they hear.

The magickal hierarchies of the Golden Dawn is a metaphor to our own soul work. For instance, in GD work it is said that one calls the divine name of a sephiroth and then calls the archangel of the sphere and finally the associated choir of angels. In planetary magick, there is a hierarchy of spirits to call as well.

It is said this is done because if you only call the lowest spirit associated with the energies you want, it becomes a 'blind force'. This is like invoking lightening. It will get to the ground but it doesn't care if you're in the way or not. You can get fried. By calling controlling forces first, you can direct your magick to benevolent ends.

So to is it with the soul. When you listen to your higher self, it sets limits upon your personality which limits the animal soul which limits ones actions toward benevolent purpose. This isn't being more than human it is allowing all the facets of one's humanness to work together to express one's soul purpose.

There is no arrogance in this for one quickly learns that all humans are ever so close to the divine. We are but a step, maybe two, away. The sameness of our lot makes these ever so slight measures of 'progress' meaningless.

To seek to be more than human is arrogance. To live as if you have no higher soul folly. To live wholly is our natural state and such oaths as mentioned above merely get in our way.

Another Soul Reading and an Approach of Spirit

Last night, I did a soul reading for a good friend. This person is not one to just open up but he made a conscious effort to do so. I was honored by his trust. I will not share any part of this reading. I will say that I learned the following:

• The Nephesch, while problematic, is not always in fear. 
• Even the Nephesch is HUGE, unbelievably huge. This brought to mind Lon DuQuette's statement, "It is all in your head. You just have no idea how big your head is." That is a very dubious statement logically but oh so true from other points of view. You folks that think he is to simplistic, to 'common denominator' should go back and read him again. It really is that simple. It is ego that complicates things. 
• The Automatic Personality can serve a good purpose.
• The things in our lives that don't work for us but oft repeated are very closely related to the things that do work for us and our divine mandate.
• The human tendency to think that others are 'further away' from God then you are, they are or some guru may be is garbage. We are all so closely tied to the divine that It is but a step away.

At the beginning he seriously asked me, "Are these worth $100?" I replied in the affirmative and added they are a lot of work. The value is there. Afterwards, I asked him if they were worth a hundred dollars. His reply was a very simple, "Yes."

These soul readings are useful. Reading the state of the Nesphesch, Automatic Personality, Ruach and Greater Neschemah may be done for curiosity reasons. I have received tarot readings for entertainment value in the past. The useful part is that the soul readings also come with practical actions to take to clear up blocked places in your manifestation. 

A conundrum arose after this particular reading. I delved very deep into the world of this man's nephecsh. I was much deeper within that part of him than I have been within any part of my soul. Why can I not reach that level of depth within myself?

Approach of Spirit

With my morning bagel and coffee I read more of Ram Daas Be Here Now. I was in a section on the use of mantras for daily life not just in formal meditation. Such a mantra popped into my head in English, a no-no according to the authors. I started repeating the mantra internally when I noticed one of the semi-regular customers at a table. This group always appeared to me as a group of church goers. They all seem like nice, pleasant, upstanding citizens. 

This time, I saw the young man was in fear. It was obvious. I knew what I was supposed to do. When he stepped away from the group I approached him and said, "Fear not, you are worthy of divine love." He thanked me as I quickly moved away.

I don't think those words impacted him much but there is no way for me to really know. I do know that I wasn't as confident in saying them that I was in hearing them and my social awkwardness at approaching someone out of left field for a statement like that interfered with the energy of the words. Maybe, if it happens again, I will do better. 

Life Change

The MM has ushered in significant change. Conquering my anger issues at work has had some interesting fallout.

In work life, I couldn't care less about my job at this point. It pays well but it is so unsatisfying that I have to fight to be productive at all. This is the first time in my life for that problem. Also, given my back pain, I just don't have the fight to maintain my attendance. I don't expect to be there much longer. This will be a problem. Short term I have little hope for income except:

1. Selling classes on the MM and tarot on-line. I am very good at both but I can't imagine the income will be all that great. I suppose I could sell follow-up advice to both too.

2. Doing Soul readings for the locals. Again, I am very good at it but convincing people to part with a $100 a pop won't be easy. Again, limited income there.

Longer term is the book.

WitchDoctorJoe turned me on to the idea of studying transpersonal psychology. I am seriously  considering embarking on a two year program for an MA in that. I will meditate on that but I think it may be where my life is taking me. It feels like something I would enjoy a great deal. I love watching people improve themselves with the MM. This would be another way to do that.

The other fallout is that I'm less and less angry at things in my past. I think that is because I know the true cause of my frustration issues and why I acted out on them as I did. I believe I have finally learned what I needed to and now the anger is gone.

My compassion for others has grown. My self-compassion has grown. My true personality is emerging from behind that wall of pain. I am happy about all of that.

I feel like all this work I did built up a pressure that bottle necked behind that one issue. Now that it is gone, my progression has increased and an increasing rate. By that, do not think I am getting to some delusional point that I am an ascending master. I am still Robert. I am just more fully Robert than before.

Sky Meditation and Results of MM and Alcoholism

I have been revisiting Ram Daas' Be Here Now. This is definately on Robert's Recommended Reading list. One of meditations in the book is called the Sky Meditation. Basically, one meditates on the sounds naturally occurring around one's self, notices how the rise and fall, the quality of the sound (sharp, droning, sudden, building, etc.) and realizing they all fade away to nothing. Eventually, one seeks the sky and stretches the senses looking for the same thing.

I haven't reached that last part yet.

This morning, I was sitting her listening to Flower's six year old watching a Tom and Jerry DVD in her room. Rather than being annoyed by the too loud volume, I did the sky meditation and had some realizations.

Music, which we tend to think of as one continuous sound, is made up of many sounds (yeah big realization right?) that all END. Each sound in the stream of music stops and appears to blend into a new sound but, in reality, a new sound starts. In between the sounds is the conductor or musician. It is s/he that helps turn the music into something we enjoy hearing. Music can often reach us at the soul level.

This is true of our thoughts. We think we are thinking all the time but in reality thoughts start, stop and new thoughts arise upon our internal viewer. Between those thoughts, we are. Who I am resides between my thoughts and does not arise because of my thoughts. My thoughts may be the prompts for action when I am ASLEEP but my state of being resides behind them and can be seen in the pause between them.

When our personal music is discordant it is because our musician is not guiding us, we are not aware, instead we act in the play as if the play is reality. IT IS NOT. The play is a self-thought interaction among the many people we associated with. We all try to bond, unify and be understood by each other. We want to be liked and loved.

Given that, the constant awareness of my own awareness will render those thoughts that prompt action impotent. This is one level of being awake more than I am now. This is something on which I will place some effort. I am at my most holy not when I am acting or interacting but when I am simply being.

Acting in a play written with someone else's script (thoughts) is not satisfying. I will write my play by being aware. I will choose what to say and what not to say, do and what not to do.

Being is so much more important than pantomiming one's thoughts in a play and expecting others to understand us. Being is understanding and negates the need to be understood by others. Being is peaceful. Being is compassion for myself and others.

Also today, Being allowed me to sense the turmoil in Flower's older child that will lead to health problems if she doesn't resolve it. I will say nothing as I would not be heard. Maybe, if it is meant to be, the opportunity will arise.

Being will allow me to more fully sense the needs of others and meet them rather than fully participating in the pantomime of their thoughts. In this way, I perceive something positive happening. How that will manifest I can only guess.

Results with Winter

Winter has had a drinking problem for at least a decade. She reports being drunk four days a week. The upside is that she is not a trouble-causer when drunk, no DUIs, no arrests, no violence. Nevertheless, she hates it and wants it to stop. Good for her!

She has tried AA, antabuse, going cold turkey and a host of other things. Nothing has worked. She is using the Sinclair Method for 10 days.

A couple of nights ago, I agreed to help her using my soul reading/comforting technique. I removed something from her aura. She knew what it meant and the connection to alcohol was tenuous. In that session, I was also given instructions on how to help her. Part of those was that she do the Manifestation Meditation using a specific phrase. I gave her that phrase.

She performed it for the first time last night.

Later, she started drinking. She started getting nauseous but still tried to drink. The Sinclair method is supposed to stop the endorphins so you don't enjoy your drunk. It does not keep you from getting drunk. Last night, she couldn't get drunk and poured the rest of the bottle out. It was the first time she's ever been able to do this. Prior to this, the medication that is paired with the Sinclair method had not had this impact. She says this may be the method but isn't sure. She did say that she thinks this worked because the MM aligns her soul  with what she is trying to do physically.

Stay tuned for more results. Winter wants privacy. In that light, she read this post and approved it in advance.

The MM and Alcoholism

This is a marker post.

Today, I entered an agreement to treat alcoholism with the Manifestation Meditation. I did my first session and gave this person, who will be called Winter, the once over. I will not reveal what I saw here as Winter reads this space.

I will say that I gave her specific instruction to the MM with specific wording. She is to do that for one week before I can do anything further.

I will also need to do a soul reading for her.

This person wants her privacy protected. So, there may be some very oddly worded posts on this topic.
As for me...

I did the MM and asked for my next spiritual lesson. I was told to back off. I am supposed to work on my physical body. This reflects what I asked for not long ago. How do I get relief from this horrible back pain? The universe has been showing me example after example of what to do.

I am, starting tomorrow, working on becoming a vegan. There will be a period of vegetarianism first.

On another topic, the removal of the mentor is exactly what I needed. The trapped thought patterns bouncing off of him have been greatly reduced. That has nothing to do with him at all by the dynamic that formed. Moving on has liberated from those thoughts that were full of insecurity, self-doubt and the like. My spirit is very liberated. My confidence level is good.

Learning Humility

I passed a test of humility last night. I am not sure how to write that up in a way that will not compromise the feelings of the people involved. If I can figure it out, I will post it because I think it is important. Today, is not the day for subtle thinking. So, I won't be posting on that today.

I may write on it Thursday when Flower is here. Perhaps I can run it by her first and make sure it is kosher.

Healing

Using the MM to comfort the nephesch of a friend, I ended a string of nightly nightmares. She had awoken in a cold sweat daily for years. I'm sure there were some nights that were exceptions but not many. Yesterday, she reported she had been nightmare free for over ten days.

At this point, I can literally 'see' and 'comfort' a person's nephesch (animal soul). Given how fearful this part of the soul always is, I think I can relieve a lot of pain from people by doing that.

Compassion

In doing the soul reading, I think my compassion will grow. I realize intellectually that we are all in pain and have experienced harsh things in life. With the soul readings, I share that pain. I understand that pain. Hopefully, I can comfort and relieve some of that pain.

By sharing it without holding onto it, I think I am experiencing compassion for both myself and the other party. As I do that more and more, I think it will be easier to extend that compassion to those I haven't read. I know I've been trending that way anyway but I think this will give that a boost.

Soul Reading

Last night, I did my first soul reading. I suppose this is just your average psychic reading but I categorize things by the levels of the soul I primarily work with.

Here and the levels and what I answer:

Nephesch - Animal Soul that only knows fight/flight and reproduction - What does it fear? The Nephesch is always in fear. It is just a matter of degree.

Automatic Personality - This part is programmed. Input A receives consistent output B. What does this impact? What specifically is the input and output? How can this be overcome? Where did it come from? On this one, I found a childhood friend from the toddler stage that created the original imprinting. I actually saw her and described her.

Ruach - This is the personality as it is supposed to be expressed per your immortal soul. It does get impacted, programmed, damaged, misaligned or whatever you may want to call it. What needs worked on? How can those things be overcome/enhanced. Enhanced because sometimes our strengths don't come through.

In this reading the answer to this one actually helped me understand my friend. I have always seen a contradiction between her compassionate actions and her vibe. Now, I know why.

Higher Self (Immortal Soul) - What is a soul purpose? How can this be manifested?

In this reading, she already knew this answer and reminded me how this had been consciously demonstrated in her life.

For this person, I stayed in trance for at least an hour, literally, according to her. She took three pages of notes and pronounced it 100% accurate. Frankly, I have more confidence in this process than I do my tarot readings, which are known for their accuracy. I think this has a likelihood of being to help more people. My tarot readings can deal with symptoms or root causes and the like. Often they are limited by the question. This actually shows what is impacting at the soul level.  There are no limiting questions. Things are more open ended.

Though, in writing this, I just figured out how to develop 'soul reading' tarot spreads.

The downside is that I was exhausted after. I think I was exhausted because I wanted to be successful. I was grasping and placing value on success. I will do better when I am at ease.

Dream

I dreamed last night that I was in a restaurant. There were those of us who were asleep and those that were awake. Those people were not asleep but where not aware. Just like many in life that have not woken up. Those of us there were awake were a bit confused.

The sleepers went on with their tasks but were unaware of their sleep. Those of us that were awake were trying to piece things together. I actually pointed out to someone that the others were asleep. I felt a woman's breasts. She got annoyed and glared at me. As soon as I stopped she went right back to zombie mode.

There was a black family in the corner. Two were awake or near awake. They argued about their situation. "This was about New Orleans." "No, nothing happened in New Orleans." Yikes! Were these people dead from Katrina but didn't really know yet?

The atmosphere outside the restaurant looked a little barren,, as if a disaster had occurred.

Fun Stuff and Other Stuff

So, as promised, here is the fun stuff. I have no idea if it is fun for you but it was fun for me.

I went down to Bakersfield to do a psychic fair at the Enchanted Cottage. I did four tarot readings. It wasn't my busiest fair by any stretch but I nailed those readings. Two of the querents bragged about me to another reader. That makes my day! When people say good things to third parties you know you're doing it right and performing a service.

I was also asked to speak before the Bakersfield Pagans regarding what it is like to be a ceremonial magician. I compared and contrasted public neo-Wiccan circles to Golden Dawn initiatory rites. I managed to do this without angering anyone. Given cross-traditional garbage that goes on from time to time, I am giving myself points for pulling that off. The audience too was courteous and seemed to take in what I had to say.

The talk was informal and a bit off the cuff but I think people left with a much greater understanding of both public circles and Golden Dawn type rituals.

Odd Work

I had a rough break up not long ago. I took a lot of crap over a few days that sent me spinning. I have never understood the need to end a loving relationship with mean stuff. I have seen it and done it but not understood it. When I have done it and realized it I have made attempts to make amends. Oddly, I've never seen that done in my direction.

When people criticize me, I take it to heart. I OWN it. I figure anything from someone else's point of view is valid and my point of view may not be. This is insane.

Finally a few things clicked in the other direction and I fired. What I said was factually true and could only be denied if one was unable to admit things. However, it is also really hit home for her. I am a bit ashamed of myself. On the other hand, I feel so much better. So, I guess I know understand that meanness after a break up.

Soul Reading

Upon my return Sunday, one of the MM people needed some help. I did a tarot reading and then he asked me for advice on how to do the MM next. I dropped into 'reading' mode without any thought, I read him with great success and provided advice.

I have now offered to do soul readings and healings for my friends in the local community. I will charge for them eventually and would definitely charge for them when I am at the Enchanted Cottage. Right now, it is practicing on friends.

I am not sure if this is where my soul is taking me of it is ego. I will find out. I am doing my first one for a friend later tonight.

Whiteness

When I do the MM, I see my greater neschemah in a particular shape and color. It has changed from red to white of its own accord. I don't see a great deal of change to have caused that, save maybe the soul healing/reading I am now capable of. I do not feel more spiritual.

I do think I have a better understanding of what it is.

Golden Dawn People STFU

To people that are not aware of the Golden Dawn flame wars, ignore them and ignore this.

To the rest of you, SHUT UP. Stop participating. You are making the entire tradition look like garbage. It worked for me. It has worked for a lot of folks quietly doing the work behind the scenes. You are sullying the tradition. You are becoming the Christian Evangelist Whackos that make Christianity look like a pile of crap. STOP IT.

If you were doing the Great Work, you wouldn't have time for this stuff.

Be silent, work on yourself and stop stomping on a valued tradition with your tiny little egos that think they are so important.

End of Rant.

Tomorrow this space will return to its normal subject matter. I have fun stuff to report!