Well, yesterday I posted about asking for the lessons about that horrible chapter in my life with my first group and yesterday it started. I terminated friendships with two people that I love, my mentor and my very close friend and working partner, the Witch.
My mentor can no longer see me as I am but as the neophyte I used to be. There are more personal issues here but that would be down right wrong of me to delineate in this space. I still have my loyalties. I love him. He is a good guy. It is just time to go.
The Witch played an information game with about my old coven situation. "I know something about that you don't," and then wouldn't tell me the something. This is the game the coven played with me and I refuse to play anymore. That conversation was always toxic and she played into it. Either tell me what you know or don't tell me you know it. Good-bye.
Now, these people were so good and firm in their denials that I literally thought I was the nutty one. It is very difficult when people you respect are so off base, in your own perception. Any magick user worth his beans in that situation goes out and does external checks to make sure it is not him that is fully off the rails.
So, I went to WitchDoctorJoe. I didn't give him any details. I just asked him, as someone that could tell me if I was very delusional or if the conclusions I draw are nuts. His reply was that I am saner than he's ever seen me. If Joe thought I was nuts, he would not hesitate to tell me. Frankly, Joe pulled me out of a potential black hole. His words were direct, on point and so mimicked my former mentor's that it was uncanny. He basically said that when you get well and get higher up the spiritual ladder folks try to pull you down. The Manifestation Meditation and Lon DuQuette's response to it are my proof of having arrived. I will NEVER claim either of these people tried to pull me down. It is just darkness that tends to arise. That said, I didn't let anything or anyone take me down...for long.
I also checked at work. Nope. Their opinion of me has always been of a person that sees through the bullshit no one else will admit is happening. They only question my style from time to time. I even checked with Lon DuQuette. He offered me a great critique of me but not I am not nuts in his perspective.
Upon doing this thing, which despite my true genuine love for them, was not as hard as one may imagine, I have learned a great deal. A few things are psychologically embarrassing. However, I also immediately know that by simply knowing those things I am done with them.
Now, I asked someone to magickally shake lose some cobwebs in some areas. I have no idea if that was done. I did ask the Manifestation Meditaiton for this lesson. Boom. Did I ever get a lesson. That cloud I mentioned yesterday around an old issue is dissipating. When I fully learn those lessons, I will disappear. Then I will be off for the next one.
These may be famous last words but the lessons seem to be getting easier to handle even though they are not easy.
3 comments:
The information game is an amazingly childish game for an adult to play. While it does occasionally happen that a mentor doesn't grow along with the 'student', I am surprised that your working partner would pull this stunt.
Well my mentor ayes that game on the sme topic for a very long time. Then did the same with info about my then relationship. I just cannot allow that any longer.
One of the things that you'll have to spend some time thinking about is managing the "working partner" problem. You're now without The Witch, at least for the moment, and you'll have to think hard about how you'll either find a new working partner, or how you'll know when The Witch really belongs in your circle again. I know that it's hard to welcome someone back who hurts us, but sometimes generosity and forgiveness are the ways we grow, spiritually. Maybe not today, not next month, not next year. But be prepared for that lesson and that opportunity when it comes. Because it will come.
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