I noticed not long ago that my Manifestation Meditations were being mailed in. I have watched people effectively mail it in and get good solid results. I suppose I was too but in the off handed way I was doing it the results were more diffuse.
Naturally, I changed my practice and spent some time opening my heart up and longing for contact with my Immortal Soul...something has happened since.
Let me start at the end. I have noticed of late that when people say, "How are you?" I responded with a real genuine smile and reply, "Excellent! How are you?" I am in a great deal of pain today and still responded this way. I cannot fake this sort of thing and never could. The best I can do on a bad day is say, "fine". At the moment, I am doing great and for this I am solidly grateful.
So what happened?
I meditated by first opening my heart. I do not mean in an accepting way. I mean in a deep spirit of love for my Immortal Soul. I longed for contact. Only when I had that emotion circulating through my being did I perform the meditation. Previously, the MM had lead me to read of Buddhist praxis. Most likely, these books lead me to ask, "Teach me compassion. Allow me to see the divine in everyone."
That was just prior to attending my niece's Confirmation in the Catholic Church. After enjoying the irony of watching her take an oath to reject Satan and then consume Deviled Eggs, I sat next to a former co-worker. A current coworker sat across the table. The person I sat next to asked, "So, what do you do when not at work?" I replied that I was heavily involved in the Pagan community, taught classes, did ceremonial magick and was writing a book on a meditation technique I developed. I do not discuss such things at work. Yet, the words were so naturally out of my mouth, as if I was talking about what I ate for dinner last night.
My words were met with a big smile. I was not sure if it was a "you're nuts" smile or that she just enjoyed I shared. I am leaning to the idea it is both. I further shared that I am having a harder time identifying as Pagan nowadays and that I am reading Buddhist material. She got excited and asked me if I read two books. Both were the books I am currently reading. She then referred me to a mindfullness center here in Fresno.
I took my first class Monday night. It felt so right. The vibe was so much different than a Pagan vibe. Even new people had a different type of sincerity. I enjoyed it and, aside from following through on prior plans for this Monday, I will make it a regular thing. My Monday nights are booked.
Meditating to learn and feel compassion has continued. I look for the soul of the people around me often. For instance I saw a family of seven at the bagel shop today. The father simply asked his 13 year old daughter to pass him a napkin. Yet, I could see the respect he had for her. It is common to witness love, caring, compassion from a father to a daughter. I do not recall ever seeing this level of respect before. The conversation was so common that I feel I must have observed that through a different level of seeing.
The tarot reading yesterday also overwhelmed me with compassion for the young lady I was reading for. I truly saw her heart center and it was beautiful!
Last night, I meditated on feeling compassion for those that have hurt me in the past either intentionally or not. I managed to feel some level of compassion even for those I see through the greatest darkness.
Speaking of compassion but not of one I see in 'the greatest darkness', I noticed the self-exile of one that hurt me the other day. I noticed the self-inflicted misery and the inability to connect with others. Even when this person thinks s/he is connected, it isn't on a very deep level. Though, s/he likely thinks it is. My heart went out to this person as the pain is so obvious. I hope s/he figures it out. It is odd for me to feel such compassion for someone that hurt me like that. In the past I would have felt some of it but not FELT it. I think this is a good thing.
I am feeling very at home with the MM, my mindfullness practice, and who I am at all levels. I have never felt 'whole' before. I feel complete and even my painful moments are acceptable. I do not fight them. At times, I am capable of watching them seeing linkages and then fading away. This is pretty incredible.
I am beginning to understand that sometimes the gods present to us impossible tasks. Such tasks serve to teach us that the part of us that believes the task is possible is the part that has engaged in stagnant thinking or persisted in perpetuating an error of action or belief. Learning the task is impossible also teaches us about this ignorance. With such understanding, we can allow ourselves to live in a more correct manner.