Last night, I got to hear a first hand story of incredible success with the Manifestation Meditation. The Christian fellow has done well with it. He literally had a personal revelation, a real world reflection and a full healing which 'cured' his life long issue within a week's time.
I have noticed that over the last two or three weeks my listening skills have improved. I am really paying attention to what people are saying. I am not waiting for my turn to talk. I no longer interrupt unless I am unclear about what someone is saying. The obvious benefit is better communication skills and better perception of the speaker. The not so obvious is that my personal feelings about what is being said are more apparent. How is it that in listening to others the more clearly discover myself?
In this case, I realized that I didn't feel as I expected to feel. Before I started to share the MM with selected others I would have said such success would feel great. I may have even said it was a validation of my Work as a spiritual man. I may have even said that I'd deserve a beer or some other reward. In short, in very simple terms, I would experience ego gratification.
I have experienced some of that but not to the degree I would have expected. Instead, I am left with a sense of amazement. Compared to all the suffering I went through, this stuff is easy for so many. People are having life-changing experiences. When they say thank you, I am at a loss as to what to say. I haven't done anything. I gave them a few words but they had to say them. They had to mean it. They had to live through the lesson. They had to grow. Those that have chosen the spiritual version of this have shown courage. This is admirable. I do not make light of that in anyway.
On the other hand, I sat on couch and listened. This is not hard work. I'm sure most of you are sitting as you read this and will agree that sitting is not that difficult a task for most people.
What I feel is a mix of a weird humility with the normal pleasure one would feel in doing something nice for someone and being recognized. That is more at the level of being thanked for helping someone pick up a few groceries fallen from a torn bag. No big deal really but still nice to be thanked. All this comes with a sense of discomfort.
In mulling this over, I have learned something.
For some time, I have pondered why I am having a hard time putting words to paper. I do know the other books I am reading for my own growth and for genuine research into the book. So, I am not fully procrastinating. There is an obvious emotional block. I now know what it is.
Fear.
Fear of what I am not sure...criticism because it is so simple, fear that it could be a huge change for many people (if it catches on), fear of ... what?
I know that I am fearful of the upcoming class I am giving locally. I am fearful because rather than dry facts, I speak in stories and metaphor. There is a touch of the dramatic. This is not my normal style. People will see something has changed. Part of me fears this. The rest of me thinks I am being a bit silly.
I. Know. This. Works.
Yet, I fear.
So, the reason for the slow delay in writing this is apparent. It has taken me a long time to figure it out. Now, I will find the root of the fear. It is time for me to the MM and simply ask to be shown how I can overcome this.
In the meantime, I am going to use my scant mindfullness training and focus on the task at hand of writing. Bugs Bunny once said, "I will be scared later. Right now I am too mad." It is my hope that I can be scared later. Right now, I am too busy writing.
In Person Manifestation Meditation Teachings:
Fresno, CA
Saturday, April 14, 1:00 PM
Denny's on First and Shaw
Cost: Donation to Central Valley Pagan Pride
Fresno, CA
Saturday, April 14, 1:00 PM
Denny's on First and Shaw
Cost: $25 at the door. $20 Prepaid.
Four people must prepay before the class is on.
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