Tuesday, October 25, 2011

There are Two of Me

On September 9, I posted something called, There are Three of Me. That was less than two months ago. It seems like a thousand years.

I am having a difficult day. Anxiety is very high. Saying I am not myself would be very true. It may also be very false.

For a moment, just a brief moment, I experienced an odd thing. I felt two distinct mes. It was not disturbing. There is one of me that is dying. In some ways it clings to life. In some ways, it is tired of its suffering and wants to go. There is another part of me that is not him.

The distinction is was very clear at the time. There are two. I'm fishing around trying to find the one that will last. I can touch it a little if I am very present in the now. To that, I have one thing to say.

Mentors...FUCKING mentors. I hate it when they are right.

1 comment:

nutty professor said...

You have it exactly right, I think. As I see it, you are so very strong. Incredibly strong and powerful. The "you" that is dying is fighting for his life. You are feeling just how powerful you are with this struggle. It is going to take just as much power for you to LET. HIM. GO.

On a more personal note I was reflecting on how much your writings have helped me, and I thank you. The honesty, and as I said this week, and the wisdom herein has made this required reading for me. (It is also a good story and I want to see how it comes out :)