How deeply does faith play into magick?
There are some things I know are happening. For instance, I can work ritual and be so focused, so invoked upon that I can hear nothing with my ears. So, that when I 'come down' it is just like waking up at dawn on a camping trip when all the birds let loose with their song. This is mental focus not magic that impacts anything else.
I once did thought form magick to have a discussion on baseball at work. A man moved into our building and noticed my glance at his San Francisco Giant's banner. He looked at me and said, "Dodger fan?" I said yes and we had a brief talk on baseball. Just after lunch, he was told that his instructions were wrong. He'd been told to move to the wrong building. Immediately, he moved out. That coincidence defies my belief in coincidence. This is magick to me but it can be explained away.
I have invoked gods, learned things about them from doing so only to have what I did learned confirmed academically. This to me is much harder to explain.
In an initiatory ritual when I was on the dais, an officer was mailing in her lines. One burst of my energy to her dropped her back into her chair. It took her a few minutes to recover before going on. Given her back was to me, there is no way that she could have had an indication that I was passing a current. The effect was also absolutely immediate. No way it was coincidence. I've done such things more than once. I can see no other explanation other than magick.
Yet most magick, I think, seems to be explainable by the first two items. Initiatory lessons seem to fit in the pattern of the egregore and initiation. Yet, the events can be explained away by pointing out they only appear meaningful when looked at through an initiatory perspective.
Right now, I have little faith in a system that has more or less brought me back to the same place. Those who knew me ten years ago when I started tell me how much I have changed from working the system. I have no doubt I have changed, grown and matured in ten years. I am sure most people can say that. Is that magick or do I just want to believe it works. So, I attach meaning to the meaningless?
I am sure magick exists due to the above examples but I am not sure it has really created a more spiritual me. I am not sure of its usefulness to aid my life or those of others. Will my style of 'magick' work if I have no faith in it anymore?
Without magick, what am I? How would I define my sense of self? Is this just an ego trip?