It seems this meme is going around the blogosphere again. You can find a post here on Jason Miller's blog that explains why it is a topic and the various bloggers asked to comment. You can find more here on Into the Mound. Most people I know fully support this book. This includes people I respect. Jason Miller knows this guy and greatly values this book. I like Jason but I will always disagree with him on this issue.
Huson talks about targeting a sex partner. Most of what he says is simply the grand art of seduction. No harm no foul. He then moves on to putting "philters" in the "target's" drinks. This is nothing other than a magickal roofie.
Apologists make three arguments that I can remember. Frankly, reading about this guy just irritates me. So, I haven't read much of the recent writings on the topic. The first apology is that he is merely showing us how the magick can work, not advocating it. The second is that this book is great because no one else would dare publish that stuff. The third is that he was trying to reclaim witchcraft from the fluffy types and therefore included harsher things.
My counter argument is as follows: Bullshit
Yup that is about it.
These are all cover up arguments. This is the equivalent of someone asking, "Is water boarding torture," as if there is any doubt on the issue. The point is to get people talking about some question thus defusing any opposition as another side of a legitimate debate. There is no debate. Water boarding is torture. It is clear.
So is giving anyone a magickal roofie. That is called rape. None of these people would argue that it is okay to drop a roofie in some woman's drink or any other foreign substance. Yet, the last time this book was brought up some people are actually said it is acceptable if it is a magickal foreign substance. No. it. is. not. ok. This is not using a glamour to make yourself more attractive. This is putting something in someone's drink they are unaware of. Would these people say this is okay if it was done to their daughter? I think not.
Referring to a potential sleeping partner as a target is dehumanizing and wrong. There should be no debate over that. I call potential sexual partners women. Which do you feel should be used? That isn't political correctness. That is having respect for all human beings.
There may be some good stuff in that book but the outright evil of slipping things into people's drinks negates all of that.
Yup, I will get hammered for this opinion, if any of those that advocate that book still read this space. I don't care. Wrong is wrong and every once in a while, you have to stand up and say it.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Faith and Magick
How deeply does faith play into magick?
There are some things I know are happening. For instance, I can work ritual and be so focused, so invoked upon that I can hear nothing with my ears. So, that when I 'come down' it is just like waking up at dawn on a camping trip when all the birds let loose with their song. This is mental focus not magic that impacts anything else.
I once did thought form magick to have a discussion on baseball at work. A man moved into our building and noticed my glance at his San Francisco Giant's banner. He looked at me and said, "Dodger fan?" I said yes and we had a brief talk on baseball. Just after lunch, he was told that his instructions were wrong. He'd been told to move to the wrong building. Immediately, he moved out. That coincidence defies my belief in coincidence. This is magick to me but it can be explained away.
I have invoked gods, learned things about them from doing so only to have what I did learned confirmed academically. This to me is much harder to explain.
In an initiatory ritual when I was on the dais, an officer was mailing in her lines. One burst of my energy to her dropped her back into her chair. It took her a few minutes to recover before going on. Given her back was to me, there is no way that she could have had an indication that I was passing a current. The effect was also absolutely immediate. No way it was coincidence. I've done such things more than once. I can see no other explanation other than magick.
Yet most magick, I think, seems to be explainable by the first two items. Initiatory lessons seem to fit in the pattern of the egregore and initiation. Yet, the events can be explained away by pointing out they only appear meaningful when looked at through an initiatory perspective.
Right now, I have little faith in a system that has more or less brought me back to the same place. Those who knew me ten years ago when I started tell me how much I have changed from working the system. I have no doubt I have changed, grown and matured in ten years. I am sure most people can say that. Is that magick or do I just want to believe it works. So, I attach meaning to the meaningless?
I am sure magick exists due to the above examples but I am not sure it has really created a more spiritual me. I am not sure of its usefulness to aid my life or those of others. Will my style of 'magick' work if I have no faith in it anymore?
Without magick, what am I? How would I define my sense of self? Is this just an ego trip?
There are some things I know are happening. For instance, I can work ritual and be so focused, so invoked upon that I can hear nothing with my ears. So, that when I 'come down' it is just like waking up at dawn on a camping trip when all the birds let loose with their song. This is mental focus not magic that impacts anything else.
I once did thought form magick to have a discussion on baseball at work. A man moved into our building and noticed my glance at his San Francisco Giant's banner. He looked at me and said, "Dodger fan?" I said yes and we had a brief talk on baseball. Just after lunch, he was told that his instructions were wrong. He'd been told to move to the wrong building. Immediately, he moved out. That coincidence defies my belief in coincidence. This is magick to me but it can be explained away.
I have invoked gods, learned things about them from doing so only to have what I did learned confirmed academically. This to me is much harder to explain.
In an initiatory ritual when I was on the dais, an officer was mailing in her lines. One burst of my energy to her dropped her back into her chair. It took her a few minutes to recover before going on. Given her back was to me, there is no way that she could have had an indication that I was passing a current. The effect was also absolutely immediate. No way it was coincidence. I've done such things more than once. I can see no other explanation other than magick.
Yet most magick, I think, seems to be explainable by the first two items. Initiatory lessons seem to fit in the pattern of the egregore and initiation. Yet, the events can be explained away by pointing out they only appear meaningful when looked at through an initiatory perspective.
Right now, I have little faith in a system that has more or less brought me back to the same place. Those who knew me ten years ago when I started tell me how much I have changed from working the system. I have no doubt I have changed, grown and matured in ten years. I am sure most people can say that. Is that magick or do I just want to believe it works. So, I attach meaning to the meaningless?
I am sure magick exists due to the above examples but I am not sure it has really created a more spiritual me. I am not sure of its usefulness to aid my life or those of others. Will my style of 'magick' work if I have no faith in it anymore?
Without magick, what am I? How would I define my sense of self? Is this just an ego trip?
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Nine of Swords
This is where I am right now.
Anxiety, note quite panic attacks, depression, fear (non-specific). Yesterday I had a good day and a rotten evening. Despite OTC sleeping pills couldn't sleep until after 2 AM.
This is some serious deconstruction.
I've been through this before but always found a point in it. I said to myself I will be a better person after this. Now, my response is fuck that. How fucking 'better' does the universe want me to be? After all this work, I am HERE? W.T.F.
Am I supposed to be fucking Ghandi before it gives me a break?
I am working hard on being present in the moment but only because if I can get there I get a break from my own head once in a while.
I am losing faith that one can grow with occultism. How much of my growth over the years would have happened anyway with just getting older? Why do all this work if you just wind up here?
You can say all the nice things you want. I will just twist them into negatives.
To answer comments from yesterday:
No, I don't give myself much of a break. My mentor says I work at this like a monk. I add "minus the studying part." I am not sure how to rest my mind and heart from my own world-view. I understand the concept of rest of body and mind but I really don't know how.
To Nutty, I am like that all the time now. Your light did not make anything worse.
Anxiety, note quite panic attacks, depression, fear (non-specific). Yesterday I had a good day and a rotten evening. Despite OTC sleeping pills couldn't sleep until after 2 AM.
This is some serious deconstruction.
I've been through this before but always found a point in it. I said to myself I will be a better person after this. Now, my response is fuck that. How fucking 'better' does the universe want me to be? After all this work, I am HERE? W.T.F.
Am I supposed to be fucking Ghandi before it gives me a break?
I am working hard on being present in the moment but only because if I can get there I get a break from my own head once in a while.
I am losing faith that one can grow with occultism. How much of my growth over the years would have happened anyway with just getting older? Why do all this work if you just wind up here?
You can say all the nice things you want. I will just twist them into negatives.
To answer comments from yesterday:
No, I don't give myself much of a break. My mentor says I work at this like a monk. I add "minus the studying part." I am not sure how to rest my mind and heart from my own world-view. I understand the concept of rest of body and mind but I really don't know how.
To Nutty, I am like that all the time now. Your light did not make anything worse.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
White Light and Anxiety
Yesterday, I think I got rid of a succubus that had plagued me for some time that attached during a horrendous moment with my old coven. More on that when I can write it up. I have taken three shots at that today with no success. It is a complicated personal story.
Tonight, like most nights of late, I am going nuts. I am full of anxiety and energy. I get so much energy that my very bad back feels no pain and I go walking (with a cane) through my neighborhood, sometimes at 2 AM. Tonight, the energy hit harder and faster. I am bouncing off the walls of my home.
The anxiety is so strong tonight after my walk that I decided to give all that energy to the tree in the front yard. The light came out of me in two foot wide bands of bright white neon. I wrapped that around the tree and it looked like those new light bulbs we are being forced to use.
This was a TON of energy. I was still WIRED.
So, I tried to ground it. I saw volcano spewing lava but with that bright light above it. No help.
Now, I am accepting the energy and asking it to heal me mentally and physically. I am still wired but it seems to be more calm. 10:20 PM
This seems to have worked. I am actually tired.
This may be that I am a generator of, receiver of or getting bombarded by energy. The trick may be to use that energy in some way rather than letting it freak me out.
Welcome to my life. How was your evening? I pray it was less exciting.
Tonight, like most nights of late, I am going nuts. I am full of anxiety and energy. I get so much energy that my very bad back feels no pain and I go walking (with a cane) through my neighborhood, sometimes at 2 AM. Tonight, the energy hit harder and faster. I am bouncing off the walls of my home.
The anxiety is so strong tonight after my walk that I decided to give all that energy to the tree in the front yard. The light came out of me in two foot wide bands of bright white neon. I wrapped that around the tree and it looked like those new light bulbs we are being forced to use.
This was a TON of energy. I was still WIRED.
So, I tried to ground it. I saw volcano spewing lava but with that bright light above it. No help.
Now, I am accepting the energy and asking it to heal me mentally and physically. I am still wired but it seems to be more calm. 10:20 PM
This seems to have worked. I am actually tired.
This may be that I am a generator of, receiver of or getting bombarded by energy. The trick may be to use that energy in some way rather than letting it freak me out.
Welcome to my life. How was your evening? I pray it was less exciting.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Cracks
I am seeing some impact of the Manifestation Meditation in the process I am going through.
Part of that process is aligning one's lower levels of the soul with the higher. The parts have to fit together. Some of the things I am experiencing internally have very deep roots. The are centered in adult incidents but those incidents seem to have been made possible by issues that occurred much earlier. Think of them like rocks hitting your windshield. They cause damage that can't be seen. When cold water hits the windshield, it cracks.
I am now cracked. Grin.
Once those cracks are filled in, perhaps there will be a greater level of manifestation.
So why do we need to be cracked, exposed and repaired to do this? Beats me.
Light
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
There are Two of Me
On September 9, I posted something called, There are Three of Me. That was less than two months ago. It seems like a thousand years.
I am having a difficult day. Anxiety is very high. Saying I am not myself would be very true. It may also be very false.
For a moment, just a brief moment, I experienced an odd thing. I felt two distinct mes. It was not disturbing. There is one of me that is dying. In some ways it clings to life. In some ways, it is tired of its suffering and wants to go. There is another part of me that is not him.
The distinction is was very clear at the time. There are two. I'm fishing around trying to find the one that will last. I can touch it a little if I am very present in the now. To that, I have one thing to say.
Mentors...FUCKING mentors. I hate it when they are right.
I am having a difficult day. Anxiety is very high. Saying I am not myself would be very true. It may also be very false.
For a moment, just a brief moment, I experienced an odd thing. I felt two distinct mes. It was not disturbing. There is one of me that is dying. In some ways it clings to life. In some ways, it is tired of its suffering and wants to go. There is another part of me that is not him.
The distinction is was very clear at the time. There are two. I'm fishing around trying to find the one that will last. I can touch it a little if I am very present in the now. To that, I have one thing to say.
Mentors...FUCKING mentors. I hate it when they are right.
Monday, October 24, 2011
The "Restrictive" Golden Dawn
Most of my friends do not practice as I do. They refer to themselves as witches, druids, Wiccans and the like. I refer to myself as a magician that practices in the style of the Golden Dawn. I can't actually say I am Golden Dawn without having to deal with one of the copyright holders of that name. Frankly, I do not need their validation, charter or anything else. My work is my proof of lineage.
That said, I hear many comments asking me why I am part of such a "restrictive" system. The answer to that is two-fold. The first is that in group that I was a part of, I learned the following:
That said, I hear many comments asking me why I am part of such a "restrictive" system. The answer to that is two-fold. The first is that in group that I was a part of, I learned the following:
- A Universal estoteric map of the universe.
- An entire hierarchy of high level names of G-d, archangels, and angels
- An entire hierarchy of high level names of planetary angels, intelligences and spirits
- A similar hierarchy of elemental spirits
- A four level color scheme
- Banishing exercises
- Invoking exercies
- Ritual mythology
- Ritual creation
- Meditative techniques
- Skrying techniques
- Tarot
- Geomancy
- Tattwas
- God form invocation
- Evocation
- A protective egregore
- Hermetic Philosophy
- A pantheon of gods (Egyptian)
- Chaldean Oracles
- Enochian magick
- Thought-form creation (artificial elementals)
- Hebrew (for use in magick)
- The creation of talismans
- The ability to learn various forms of self-purification
- The power of initiation
- Working as an initiatory team (I've performed over 150 GD style initiation as a floor officer)
- I have learned about my issues with earth, air, water and fire.
- I have learned of my virtues with those elements as well.
- There is likely much that I've left out.
Now exactly how restrictive does that sound? To me, it sounds very wide ranging.
The other answer is that my GD style work has always lead to a goal. The first is Knowledge and Conversation with my Holy Guardian Angel and the second is unification with my immortal soul, which we call the Greater Neschemah. Most of the other traditions I know of, have no similar goals and instead lead a meandering path that may or may not result in unification with a God or Goddess. GD style work takes one to a given place that I wanted to go.
I don't blame you for not wanting to go where I do. Nor do I find fault on those that follow a meandering path. I've watched people meander in circles that never seem to get anywhere as well as those that meander and find exactly what they are looking for. It is basically a crap shoot for them. And yes, it is a crap shoot in GD workers as well. They have a tendency to fall away along the path but always with more knowledge then they came in with.
As long as you take it seriously, I think nearly any path can lead somewhere. The question is, are you going where you want to go? I know I am. My only question is, can I succeed?
Black Hat Society
The world has officially ended. You may now depart after the earth comes to a complete stop. Please watch your step. I have been designated an elder of the community.
A local activist that put on an extremely successful Central Valley Pagan Pride is working hard to organize the pagans in the area. She is very respectful of the various paths. Among her activities is the creation of the Black Hat Society. This is a group of local elders whose mission it is to teach introductory classes. At the moment that is it. However, I feel it is also a way of making various traditions and points of view available to local seekers. Assuming that she keeps a steady hand on the group and quashes any political strife, she just may bring together what used to be a very fractured group of local pagans.
Naturally, a group like this only has the authority and respect its members earn.
I have been tapped as one of these elders along with fellow blogger, Witch Doctor Joe. I find it odd to be considered an elder of the community. I suppose I am. Also, Golden Dawn style work, which I am very known for locally, is only nominally pagan. My other group, The Conclave of the Greek Key, is much more pagan but few are aware that exists. I am also not sure how much detail I would give about that publicly.
I find it quite strange that this group is forming and I've been invited during such a time of mental distress for me. I am not exactly the picture of stability at the moment. I have no doubt I will recover...someday. Hopefully, I will be of some use to the local pagans.
Speaking of the Conclave, I recently read an article about a reconstructionist that doesn't refer to himself as pagan. His reason was that his practices do not fit well into the neo-pagan/wiccan influenced community. Simple put, they don't understand his rites and his group does not understand theirs. He said there is no animosity they just have little in common.
The Conclave may be the same way. We don't celebrate the wheel of the year, except for which deities tend to make themselves known at various calendar points. We don't cast a circle. We don't do spells. We don't call the quarters. We deal with a variety of gods/goddesses not just a pair. We simply commune with the gods as those gods choose in a very direct and loud manner.
I am not sure what neo-pagans would really think of our practices. I know that a few years ago, I would have called them dangerously whacked! Yet there seems to be no negative connotation at all with our work. The hammering I have been taking lately is more closely related to my normal initiatory path.
A local activist that put on an extremely successful Central Valley Pagan Pride is working hard to organize the pagans in the area. She is very respectful of the various paths. Among her activities is the creation of the Black Hat Society. This is a group of local elders whose mission it is to teach introductory classes. At the moment that is it. However, I feel it is also a way of making various traditions and points of view available to local seekers. Assuming that she keeps a steady hand on the group and quashes any political strife, she just may bring together what used to be a very fractured group of local pagans.
Naturally, a group like this only has the authority and respect its members earn.
I have been tapped as one of these elders along with fellow blogger, Witch Doctor Joe. I find it odd to be considered an elder of the community. I suppose I am. Also, Golden Dawn style work, which I am very known for locally, is only nominally pagan. My other group, The Conclave of the Greek Key, is much more pagan but few are aware that exists. I am also not sure how much detail I would give about that publicly.
I find it quite strange that this group is forming and I've been invited during such a time of mental distress for me. I am not exactly the picture of stability at the moment. I have no doubt I will recover...someday. Hopefully, I will be of some use to the local pagans.
Speaking of the Conclave, I recently read an article about a reconstructionist that doesn't refer to himself as pagan. His reason was that his practices do not fit well into the neo-pagan/wiccan influenced community. Simple put, they don't understand his rites and his group does not understand theirs. He said there is no animosity they just have little in common.
The Conclave may be the same way. We don't celebrate the wheel of the year, except for which deities tend to make themselves known at various calendar points. We don't cast a circle. We don't do spells. We don't call the quarters. We deal with a variety of gods/goddesses not just a pair. We simply commune with the gods as those gods choose in a very direct and loud manner.
I am not sure what neo-pagans would really think of our practices. I know that a few years ago, I would have called them dangerously whacked! Yet there seems to be no negative connotation at all with our work. The hammering I have been taking lately is more closely related to my normal initiatory path.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Circles of Lessons
Of late a repeating pattern has reappeared in my life. Each aspect of the pattern is simple. The main thrust of the pattern is simple. Yet, the tangential aspects spider all over the place.
The point is that this pattern makes me miserable. I hate it and, frankly, I haven't learned anything as it has repeated three times over the last ten years. I have gone to the wisest and most experienced people I know and they all see it. Yet, they have nothing to offer. They are stumped. By all external appearances it is not my fault, even according to outsiders but the very fact that it happens over and over means that it is part of my universe. It is my responsibility to get it in line. Which means, it is my fault.
When I say it isn't my issue in an obvious way, I mean that. I don't go to people that blow smoke up my ass.
I am tired of it. The circling pattern paired with my not being wise enough to learn from it isn't good for my mental health, physical health or anything else. I am sick and fucking tired of it. I am mad at myself for being too incompetent to see the answer. I am mad at myself in the way I vent about the issue. I am mad at myself because I know I am being very reasonable and very unreasonable but having a hard time recognizing which one is which. No not true. I know which is which but I can't stop myself from the unreasonable moments.
I have reached the conclusion that I have only one option to breaking this pattern. If this fails, I may have to walk away from all things magickal to get what I want. I am NOT REPEATING THIS PATTERN EVER AGAIN.
Joke:
Q: What happens when a Ceremonial Magician gets angry?
A: He goes Qa-ballistic.
The point is that this pattern makes me miserable. I hate it and, frankly, I haven't learned anything as it has repeated three times over the last ten years. I have gone to the wisest and most experienced people I know and they all see it. Yet, they have nothing to offer. They are stumped. By all external appearances it is not my fault, even according to outsiders but the very fact that it happens over and over means that it is part of my universe. It is my responsibility to get it in line. Which means, it is my fault.
When I say it isn't my issue in an obvious way, I mean that. I don't go to people that blow smoke up my ass.
I am tired of it. The circling pattern paired with my not being wise enough to learn from it isn't good for my mental health, physical health or anything else. I am sick and fucking tired of it. I am mad at myself for being too incompetent to see the answer. I am mad at myself in the way I vent about the issue. I am mad at myself because I know I am being very reasonable and very unreasonable but having a hard time recognizing which one is which. No not true. I know which is which but I can't stop myself from the unreasonable moments.
I have reached the conclusion that I have only one option to breaking this pattern. If this fails, I may have to walk away from all things magickal to get what I want. I am NOT REPEATING THIS PATTERN EVER AGAIN.
Joke:
Q: What happens when a Ceremonial Magician gets angry?
A: He goes Qa-ballistic.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Magicians/Healers Read This: Rite of Asklepios
You, my reader, are in for a special treat.
I have been asked to do someone a favor. This comes from one of my readers who made a deal with Asclepius, the legendary healer of Ancient Greece. My reader asked Asclepius to heal a much beloved pet. Asclepius consented with provisions.
Some time ago, this very same person faced the imminent death of a loved one. The doctors were very pessimistic and just as baffled. This person managed to perform this ritual, within his relative's hospital room with the other participants scattered throughout the country. Within forty-eight hours, the person in question turned the corner and is now happy, healthy and doing just great. The doctors are still scratching their collective heads.
Part of the provisions to the pet healing was that this ritual be published anonymously. I can personally vouch for the effectiveness of this ritual and the result. For those of you with eyes to see and talent to work, enjoy and put it to good use.
Do not make the mistake of believing this ritual is mine. It is not.
This post is going on a special permanent tab on this site. My reader, if you link to this, post about it or use this, I'd really appreciate being told about it but please don't take that to mean that you have to such a thing.
BACKGROUND
The overall framework for this ritual is
based upon a healing temple path working from Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki’s
Servants of the Light, supplied to me by a fellow magician who had modified it
for ritual healing work back in the ‘80s.
I modified the ritual further still with various bits of ceremonial
magick technique and historical invocations culled from my friends’ suggestions
as well as bits and pieces from my own ingenium. It is, needless to say, a bit eclectic; but
(I hope) in the best sense of the word.
The core of this ritual relies on a priest
(HP) and priestess (HPS) acting as conduits for healing energy sent from a
large number of healers. The magician
who supplied the outline version assured me that it had been effectively performed
“remotely”; i.e. with the HP and HPS present with the subject of the ritual and
people who care (in particular good healers) visualizing the scene and sending
healing energy to the HP/HPS team who stand at the head and feet of the
subject.
TIMING
Ideally done when Luna is waxing in the constellation of
Ophiuchus (The Serpent[1])
on the day and hour of the Sun[2]. Obviously this must be altered to
circumstance. I managed one of the
three: the correct planetary hour.
SETUP
This rite takes place in an Astral replica of the
Asclepieion, which is a healing temple located at Epidaurus in Greece. All participants who will be remotely sending
energy should be provided with a picture of the subject and the Asclepieion. Just prior to the established time, these
“Senders” should set up their personal circle (LBRP, BRH, etc) and raise energy
using the Middle Pillar or similar technique.
At the established time, the “Senders” should use the images
as a meditative focus and visualize themselves sitting in the Asclepieion and
the HP and HPS on the stage, standing at the head and foot, respectively, of
the subject of the ritual. The Aesclepieion will be full, not just with those
who are incarnate who are adding to the energy but also those healers who have
passed beyond the Veil but still turn back to help and heal the living. Torchbearers at regular intervals help guide
people to their seats.
A low, relaxing tone fills the Aesclepieion. The Senders should now project their raised
energy from their Tiphareth center as a beam of golden light to the HP/HPS
team.[3]
The tone rises and falls. As the tone rises, the energy flows from the healers
to the HPS. As it drops, the energy
flows out of the HPS, through the body of the patient, to the HP. The HP takes
the energy in and purifies any negativity.[4] As the tone rises again, the energy from the
HP flows back into the subject as the energy flows in again from the healers.
The pulses of energy become almost hypnotic for the HP
and HPS - waves of love and healing, washing away that which is negative, ill
at ease, or diseased. The energy builds
in the back and forth movement again and again.[5]
Back and forth like a tide.
Time loses meaning during the rite. So the remote Senders should stop at a
pre-determined time through use of some form of alarm clock. When
the ending alarms go off with the incarnate participants, they stop sending
energy, the torchbearers dim their torches (except those on the stage) and the
healers quietly leave. Exit the
visualization, banish, and ground.
THE RITUAL
The
HP/HPS visualize themselves going
into an ancient bathhouse in Epidaurus. As they walk to the room where there is
a healing bath, they pass imagery of healers from all times and places in the
rooms they pass. Before entering the
room with the subject:
HP:
PROCUL PROCUL ESTAI PROFANI
Both
stand at the foot of the subject. The
following is a variation of the LBRP[6]
to be performed by either the HP or HPS as the circumstances and skills of the
operators dictate[7]:
AB
IGNE CAELESTI
AD
AQUOSUM PROFUNDUM
VIA
TERRENA
VIA
ARIA
SEMPER
IN MEDIO MANENS
FIAT!
When
inscribing pentagrams vibrate the letters of the word SALUS associating one letter with each line. Divine names in the traditional LBRP are
replaced as follows:
East - ZEUS
South - HESTIA
West - POSEIDON
North - DEMETER
The
Invocation of the Archangels in the traditional LBRP are replaced as follows:
ANTE,
APOLLO
POST,
ARTEMIS
DEXTRA,
ATHENA
SINISTRA,
PAN
Annoint
the forehead and feet of the subject with a damp cloth to symbolically wash
them.[8] Now
visualize them on a litter, which acolytes carry into the Aesclepieion.
HPS
"I
begin to sing of Asklepios, son of Apollo and healer of sicknesses. In the
Dotian plain fair Coronis, daughter of King Phlegyas, bare him, a great joy to
men, a soother of cruel pangs. And so
hail to you, lord: in my song I make my prayer to thee!"[9]
HP
Oh,
blessed Asklepios, God of Healing, it is thanks to thy skill that [name] hopes
to be relieved from [condition], to no longer [describe condition], but to
[describe healed state] as thou hast decreed.[10]
HPS
Be
gracious, blessed Paion, you who fashioned the remedy, whether the Triccaean
ridges hold you, O demigod, or Rhodes, or Cos and Epidaurus on the sea; be
gracious, send your always gracious daughter, Hygeia[11],
to [N], who will propitiate you with pure sacrifices for the everlasting
freedom from pain which you can grant.[12]
HPS
assumes godform of Hygeia.
HP
I
[NN] call, therefore, with my vows to hear me each one of all the gods, who
anywhere in the world provide present and prompt help for men; who anywhere
give their aid and show their power in dreams or mysteries, or healing, or
oracles; and I place myself according to the nature of each vow in that spot
where the god who is invested with that power may the more readily hear.[13]
HP
assumes godform of Asklepios.
HPS
“Great
Asklepios, skilled to heal mankind,
all-ruling
Paian, and physician kind;
whose
arts medicinal can alone assuage
diseases
dire, and stop their dreadful rage.
Strong,
lenient God, regard my suppliant prayer,
bring
gentle health, adorned with lovely hair;
convey
the means of mitigating pain,
and
raging deadly pestilence restrain.
O
power all-flourishing, abundant, bright,
Apollo’s
honoured offspring, God of light;
father
of Hygeia, the constant foe
of
dread disease, the minister of woe:
come,
blessed saviour, human health defend,
and
to mortal life afford a prosperous end."[14]
Manipulate
energies as described in setup section.
At agreed upon end time HP and HPS continue to roll energy back and
forth until it dissipates. Seal it with
the symbol of the Staff of Asclepios on the subject’s forehead and feet using
healing balm, spagyric tincture, or blessed water. Exit godform.
Do NOT banish.
ADDITIONAL/ALTERNATE TECHNIQUE NOTES
“As the energy builds, I've seen a single snake appear
entwined around the
patient, as though they were the Staff of Asklepios. I've
seen it transform
into a DNA strand where there have been a number of shamanic
healers taking
part.”
You can also visualize the energy 'sticking' in the area of
problem, shining
a spotlight on it so that the doctors can find out exactly
what is wrong.
Like a PET scan, it lights up the problem so the doctors
say, "why didn't we
think of that before?"
Visualize yourself pulling a live snake across the subject’s
chest and stomach area. Hold the snake first by the tail with the snake's head
at the subject’s throat area. Draw it
vertically down their body. Then hold it by its head and draw
it vertically up their body towards their head.
The Rod of Asclepius is a direct representation of ancient
traditional treatment of Dracunculus
medinensis, the winding worm of death. This parasite peeks out of ulcerous
blisters to lay eggs, primarily when the wound is placed in water to cool and
soothe it. The practitioner would pull the worm out slowly by winding it around
a stick.[15] There
may be a useful somatic ritual component inherent here.
In a fuller implementation of this ritual it may be possible
to utilize Asclepios’ children (who are aspects of Him) to fine-tune the effect
of the rite. Note: When the Athenians
invoked Asklepios, they called him “sire” and his offspring, “blest”.
Asclepios SIX daughters
1. Hygieia – disease prevention
2. Meditrina – longevity (later roman accretion)
3. Panacea – cures, universal remedy
4. Aceso - recovery
5. Iaso - recuperation
6. Aglaea – natural beauty, radiance (c
Asclepios FOUR sons
1. Podaleirus – diagnostics
2. Machaon – surgery
3. Telesphoros (aka Enamerion ?) – “Accomplisher” or “Bringer
of Completion” convalescence
4. Aratus – “
There are a number of possibilities for elaboration here
including planetary banishment/invocation through either a GD hexagram ritual
or the Star Sapphire or possibly a composite ritual utilizing the unicursal and
greek words of power. I made several
notes regarding the use of alchemical tie-ins that are probably worth
exploring.
BACKGROUND INFORMATION ON ASKLEPIOS
Those whom the god cured of their disease offered a
sacrifice to him, generally a cock[16]
(Plat. Phacd. p. 118) or a goat (Paus. x. 32. § 8; Serv. ad Virg. Georg. ii.
380), and hung up in his temple a tablet recording the name of the sick, the
disease, and the manner in which the cure had been effected.
Asklepios appears as a kindly, bearded man holding a
serpent-entwined staff. Sometimes also a
boy is represented standing by his side, who is the genius of recovery, and is
called Telesphorus, Euamerion, or Acesius.
Asclepius (pronounced /æsˈkliːpiəs/; Greek Ἀσκληπιός Asklēpiós [askliːpiós]; Latin Aesculapius) is the god of
medicine and healing in ancient Greek religion. Asclepius represents the
healing aspect of the medical arts; his daughters are Hygieia
("Hygiene"), Iaso ("Medicine"), Aceso ("Healing"),
Aglæa/Ægle ("Healthy Glow"), and Panacea ("Universal
Remedy"). The rod of Asclepius, a snake-entwined staff, remains a symbol
of medicine today, although sometimes the caduceus, or staff with two snakes,
is mistakenly used instead. He was associated with the Roman/Etruscan god
Vediovis. He was one of Apollo's sons, sharing with Apollo the epithet Paean
("the Healer").
Asclepios was married to Epione, with whom he had six
daughters: Hygieia, Meditrina (the serpent-bearer),[disambiguation needed]
Panacea, Aceso, Iaso, and Aglaea,[7][8] and three sons: Machaon, Podaleirios
and Telesphoros. He also sired a son, Aratus, with Aristodama. The names of his
daughters each rather transparently reflect a certain subset of the overall
theme of "good health".
[1]
This constellation, between Scorpio and Saggitarius, is
associated with Asklepios.
[2] Associated
with healing and Apollo, the father of Asklepios.
[3] Again,
this Solar symbology is consistent with both healing and the solar (Apollonic)
paternity of Asklepios.
[4] Visualize it as the energy being
muddied as it flows from the subject to the HP then being cleaned by the
presence of the invoked Asklepios.
[5] Compare
this to the optical amplification technique of a laser.
[6] Based on “RITUS OLYMPICUS PENTAGRAMMOU
MINOR AD EXPELLENDUM”, (c) 1993, John Opsopaus
[7] The Star Ruby would, of course, be
equally appropriate here. I’ve used
Opsopaus’ ritual for greek-themed work before on a number of occasions and
opted to use it here out of expediency.
[8] Ideally
this would be a spagyrically prepared tonic utilizing one of the plants of the
Asclepias genus (i.e. milkweed)
[9]
Homeric Hymn 16 to Asclepius (trans. Evelyn-White) (Greek
epic ca 7th to 4th B.C.) :
[10]
adapted from Pindar, Pythian Ode 3. 45 ff. - “Oh, blessed
Asklepios, God of Healing, it is thanks to thy skill that Diophantes hopes to
be relieved from his incurable and horrible gout, no longer to move like a
crab, no longer to walk upon thorns, but to have sound feet as thou hast
decreed”
[11] See
notes on children of Asklepios in Additional/Alternate Techniques section.
[12]
adapted from Galen
[13]
Emma J. Edelstein and Ludwig
Edelstien's, “Asclepius:
Collection and Interpretation of the Testimonies” (Johns Hopkins,
1998, reprint of 1945 original two volumes in one volume)
[14] Orphic Hymn 67 to Asclepius (trans.
Taylor) (Greek hymns C3rd B.C. to 2nd A.D.)
[15] Blayney, Keith (Sept 2002). "The
Caduceus vs. the Staff of Asclepius". Alternative Journal of Nursing July
2007, Issue 14, page 4.
[16] “Be prepared to offer a cock in
sacrifice to Him afterwards. Seriously. I know animal sacrifice is not common these
days but the Old Gods appreciate the table of offerings being rekindled from
time to time.”
Friday, October 21, 2011
Things to Look Forward To
Yesterday was an odd day.
I had a long talk with my friend, Bert, had a cancelled therapist appointment and had a long talk with someone that is more important to my life that either I or she is aware of. Yeah, that last one is not going to be explained.
During my conversation with Bert, I had a minor epiphany about a completely unrelated subject. We do that to each other. My idea was this. Way back when I made a lot of progress getting rid of my obsession, I did so in a peculiar way. The Helpful Deity helped me to remove the energy trapped in my etheric body. Once she showed me how, I was able to pull the energy out and just brush it against a chain link fence. The substance stuck to the fence and was pulled out of me like taffy until it broke. Then I reached in and got some more. I immediately felt better. I am not 'cured' but to this day my obsession with that old traumatic incident is very manageable. If those thoughts pop up, I can be rid of them under five minutes, often immediately.
I have always stopped myself in some way from astral projecting. I wondered if the barrier was hiding in the same way. A very brief meditation revealed two layers within me related to the problem. One layer related to the positive aspects of self-protection that I have put in place over the years, the other, the negative bullshit our psychology has convinced us is right. I was shown how to pull them out of me in a similar fashion.
By the time I was able to last night, I was very tired but I did so. As I went to bed, I had many dreams. They were very short. Then I'd wake up and have another.
This morning, I was hit very hard by loving healing energy. Either someone did something very nice and effective or or I was able to accept the healing of the universe. I don't know.
I have been a bit better the last twenty-four hours but it feels more like a burying than a real healing.
Planetary Balance
Bert also helped me to draw a circle on the floor of my temple space with chalk. That circle was then marked at the points of the hexagram. This will let me orientate the points to invoke all seven planetary angels along with the the elemental angels.
I have planned this for some time but now I am seeing how this could bring some greater psychological balance and healing. Either that or I will blow my head off. So, if you see a small flaming object rocket to the sky from Central California you'll know that was yours truly.
The ritual itself is not particulary imaginative. It doesn't need to be. It only needs to be effective. I will post the details of the ritual once I get around to doing.
I had a long talk with my friend, Bert, had a cancelled therapist appointment and had a long talk with someone that is more important to my life that either I or she is aware of. Yeah, that last one is not going to be explained.
During my conversation with Bert, I had a minor epiphany about a completely unrelated subject. We do that to each other. My idea was this. Way back when I made a lot of progress getting rid of my obsession, I did so in a peculiar way. The Helpful Deity helped me to remove the energy trapped in my etheric body. Once she showed me how, I was able to pull the energy out and just brush it against a chain link fence. The substance stuck to the fence and was pulled out of me like taffy until it broke. Then I reached in and got some more. I immediately felt better. I am not 'cured' but to this day my obsession with that old traumatic incident is very manageable. If those thoughts pop up, I can be rid of them under five minutes, often immediately.
I have always stopped myself in some way from astral projecting. I wondered if the barrier was hiding in the same way. A very brief meditation revealed two layers within me related to the problem. One layer related to the positive aspects of self-protection that I have put in place over the years, the other, the negative bullshit our psychology has convinced us is right. I was shown how to pull them out of me in a similar fashion.
By the time I was able to last night, I was very tired but I did so. As I went to bed, I had many dreams. They were very short. Then I'd wake up and have another.
This morning, I was hit very hard by loving healing energy. Either someone did something very nice and effective or or I was able to accept the healing of the universe. I don't know.
I have been a bit better the last twenty-four hours but it feels more like a burying than a real healing.
Planetary Balance
Bert also helped me to draw a circle on the floor of my temple space with chalk. That circle was then marked at the points of the hexagram. This will let me orientate the points to invoke all seven planetary angels along with the the elemental angels.
I have planned this for some time but now I am seeing how this could bring some greater psychological balance and healing. Either that or I will blow my head off. So, if you see a small flaming object rocket to the sky from Central California you'll know that was yours truly.
The ritual itself is not particulary imaginative. It doesn't need to be. It only needs to be effective. I will post the details of the ritual once I get around to doing.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Hunted
I do more before 2:00 PM than...
Today, I had a long conversation with my buddy Bert.
He did a reading for me about some serious ass magick that I am considering. It came out very positive and in line with my reading in some ways.
We talked about ideas for practical magick. In one phase, we discussed why we don't do it for ourselves and determined that we both share the idea that it is selfish. As Americans we have so very much. What pray tell, am I going to disturb the spirits for? I have friends that love me. If I ever doubted that, I don't now. They have come out of the woodwork. Even those that a very hard time getting out of their own head, have made heart warming efforts. I have stuff. I have a spiritual life. I have access to adepts both famous and unknown. What the f--- could I disturb them for and not be a selfish prick?
So we talked about doing very small things and letting the ways of practical magick be slowly discovered. I decided to do a reading to determine the outcome of a ritual to expose me to some new social activity that would be fun. This seems reasonable in my current state. The outcome was very negative, the ten of wands Oppression.
I did another reading on doing magick to draw someone local to me that needed a magician's aid. This came out very positive for both of us. I suppose I will do that.
Frankly, I am not sure I can handle it but the cards definitely say it is a positive thing for both of us. Just a moment of thinking of something as far ahead as tomorrow has totally freaked me out. My heart rate is bouncing through the roof. I want to crawl out of my own skin. The problem is that I'm moving like a walking pretzel today. I simply can't move. I feel like someone tied me to a chair and then gave me cocaine or whatever stimulant people are using now-a-days. I have never experienced anything like this before but I know someone that did and worse. I cannot imagine what that must have been like and I don't want to.
The world seems to be constricting. The aperture of existence is getting smaller and smaller. I remember my four year old nephew watching something on the Anasazi Indians, the cliff dwellers, and telling his father he used to live there. His father said that he had never lived that and that my nephew had always lived with mommy and daddy. "No," came the reply, "I lived there with my other mommy. Then I got really big. Then I got really small and got this mommy."
I feel very small, like a star condensing while still burning hot. My mental reactions are simply so suppressed that they register physically as the nervous energy of prey being relentlessly pursued by a hunter that is not there.
Today, I had a long conversation with my buddy Bert.
He did a reading for me about some serious ass magick that I am considering. It came out very positive and in line with my reading in some ways.
We talked about ideas for practical magick. In one phase, we discussed why we don't do it for ourselves and determined that we both share the idea that it is selfish. As Americans we have so very much. What pray tell, am I going to disturb the spirits for? I have friends that love me. If I ever doubted that, I don't now. They have come out of the woodwork. Even those that a very hard time getting out of their own head, have made heart warming efforts. I have stuff. I have a spiritual life. I have access to adepts both famous and unknown. What the f--- could I disturb them for and not be a selfish prick?
So we talked about doing very small things and letting the ways of practical magick be slowly discovered. I decided to do a reading to determine the outcome of a ritual to expose me to some new social activity that would be fun. This seems reasonable in my current state. The outcome was very negative, the ten of wands Oppression.
I did another reading on doing magick to draw someone local to me that needed a magician's aid. This came out very positive for both of us. I suppose I will do that.
Frankly, I am not sure I can handle it but the cards definitely say it is a positive thing for both of us. Just a moment of thinking of something as far ahead as tomorrow has totally freaked me out. My heart rate is bouncing through the roof. I want to crawl out of my own skin. The problem is that I'm moving like a walking pretzel today. I simply can't move. I feel like someone tied me to a chair and then gave me cocaine or whatever stimulant people are using now-a-days. I have never experienced anything like this before but I know someone that did and worse. I cannot imagine what that must have been like and I don't want to.
The world seems to be constricting. The aperture of existence is getting smaller and smaller. I remember my four year old nephew watching something on the Anasazi Indians, the cliff dwellers, and telling his father he used to live there. His father said that he had never lived that and that my nephew had always lived with mommy and daddy. "No," came the reply, "I lived there with my other mommy. Then I got really big. Then I got really small and got this mommy."
I feel very small, like a star condensing while still burning hot. My mental reactions are simply so suppressed that they register physically as the nervous energy of prey being relentlessly pursued by a hunter that is not there.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Chains of Religion or Belief
Frater RO posted recently under the title Chains of Religion or Belief, "If your beliefs are serving you, you are free. If you are serving them, you are enslaved.
My take is that if your beliefs are serving you, then good for you! If you are serving them as well, you are giving back and good for you! Magick is circular like that. However, when your beliefs don't allow you to consider alternatives in their own right, then you are indeed a slave to them.
My take is that if your beliefs are serving you, then good for you! If you are serving them as well, you are giving back and good for you! Magick is circular like that. However, when your beliefs don't allow you to consider alternatives in their own right, then you are indeed a slave to them.
Paying Attention
I have noticed something over the past three months.
First of all, I view my Work as less than it is as I do with my talents. I know that. I do that because I have seen too many arrogant magicians work magick that they have no business working. They mess with people's lives because they think they have earned the right. They give advice they have no basis for giving that they think comes directly from on high. Fuck that. So, I underplay my talents.
On the other hand, I really have believed that my work is not as good as some people tend to believe.
On the other hand, (yes, I know that is three hands) I have always been very good at seeing the reflection from the Universe. When three people tell you the same thing that haven't talked about it to each other or you hear the exact same sentence from two people in two separate conversations you pay attention. I have lived my magickal life that way. I've heard the lessons, the negative and the positive that way. I have a pretty good track record for hearing the negative and the lessons but not so good in hearing the positive.
In the twenty-four hours, three people have called me an adept. These people are not being over-nice due to my current crisis. I know them. Over the last three months, I can think of two more. When I went counseling today for whatever is keeping me awake at nights the clinician was amazed "at the number of tools you have at your disposal." She didn't mean magician's tools but in all things the metaphors can hold. It appears that my most biggest detractor is myself. WTF?
I suppose I should move with a bit more confidence. That said, I really don't want to be like the magicians referenced above. I don't want confidence to become rampant arrogance. I don't mind the occassional arrogant opinion. I do care about arrogantly thinking I know what is best for others when I don't.
So, I am going to work on being more confident in my magick and my overall abilities. If I get too arrogant about it, I'm sure the Universe will make a correction.
P.S. For those of you that have been aware of my huge sleep difficulties, the clinician said it sounds to her as a normal high-end anxiety episode, which is apparently less than an anxiety attack but more than normal stress. This makes sense as I know this will pass but I have a lot to be anxious about and a lot to grieve.
First of all, I view my Work as less than it is as I do with my talents. I know that. I do that because I have seen too many arrogant magicians work magick that they have no business working. They mess with people's lives because they think they have earned the right. They give advice they have no basis for giving that they think comes directly from on high. Fuck that. So, I underplay my talents.
On the other hand, I really have believed that my work is not as good as some people tend to believe.
On the other hand, (yes, I know that is three hands) I have always been very good at seeing the reflection from the Universe. When three people tell you the same thing that haven't talked about it to each other or you hear the exact same sentence from two people in two separate conversations you pay attention. I have lived my magickal life that way. I've heard the lessons, the negative and the positive that way. I have a pretty good track record for hearing the negative and the lessons but not so good in hearing the positive.
In the twenty-four hours, three people have called me an adept. These people are not being over-nice due to my current crisis. I know them. Over the last three months, I can think of two more. When I went counseling today for whatever is keeping me awake at nights the clinician was amazed "at the number of tools you have at your disposal." She didn't mean magician's tools but in all things the metaphors can hold. It appears that my most biggest detractor is myself. WTF?
I suppose I should move with a bit more confidence. That said, I really don't want to be like the magicians referenced above. I don't want confidence to become rampant arrogance. I don't mind the occassional arrogant opinion. I do care about arrogantly thinking I know what is best for others when I don't.
So, I am going to work on being more confident in my magick and my overall abilities. If I get too arrogant about it, I'm sure the Universe will make a correction.
P.S. For those of you that have been aware of my huge sleep difficulties, the clinician said it sounds to her as a normal high-end anxiety episode, which is apparently less than an anxiety attack but more than normal stress. This makes sense as I know this will pass but I have a lot to be anxious about and a lot to grieve.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Crazy
In the interest of keeping a record as I have all these years recording the ups and downs, the follies and the insights.
I am officially bat shit crazy. As soon as night falls, I begin to crack. Tonight, I am wound up about work. It is 5:13 AM. I haven't slept at all. Not. At. All. This isnt laying there catching a few winks but feeling like you never fell asleep. I have been up. Awake. Mind spinning.
Death has surrounded me for months, Dad, Chris, people at work. Metaphorically speaking, probably, it is my turn to die.
Is this the normal GD initiatory place as my mentor says? Is this all the chakra work I've been doing? Is this the Manifestation Meditation doing its job? Is it any of those all fucked up? Is it all of them. You decide. I don't know and I'm really not thinking about that. I. am. just. trying. to. hold. it. together. I am not succeeding.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Follow-Up and New Header
I did leave something out of the Neschemah post. That I think it is important for me to remember. Hence two posts very close together.
The voice asked, "Why do you think we* are pinching you from above and below?"
While the header of this space uses the slogan "holy idiot", I did not play the idiot this time. I stayed silent. The response to that was that they are taking things away to stimulate the heart center. Those were not the words used. I can't remember them. In fact, I have a really hard time remembering that part of the conversation.
Header:
I have changed the header to an image drawn by Nicole to incorporate the hand she drew for me. Frankly, I am not as thrilled as I am with the hand but I knew I wouldn't be. I couldn't really figure out how to put that hand into something I'd really love.
The deal is that once again I described an idea to Nicole. I was vague, open ended. She reached into my head and gave me exactly what I asked for only just a bit better. The soft lines of power radiating from the hand are so much better than an over all burst of power that many can be enamored with. My magick is not a cartoon.
How many artists can pluck an image out of your head like that? How many can hear the descriptions I gave of both the hand and then the header and then make them just like I asked only better? I am blown away by this woman's talent.
I need to ask her to widen the image or figure out how blogger can center it. Blogger tools are not so great.
*My Neschemah used the word "we". Is this the Elohim (as in gods and goddesses of creation on personalized to myself?) We? Am I a We? I suppose we all are in a larger sense of things.
The voice asked, "Why do you think we* are pinching you from above and below?"
While the header of this space uses the slogan "holy idiot", I did not play the idiot this time. I stayed silent. The response to that was that they are taking things away to stimulate the heart center. Those were not the words used. I can't remember them. In fact, I have a really hard time remembering that part of the conversation.
Header:
I have changed the header to an image drawn by Nicole to incorporate the hand she drew for me. Frankly, I am not as thrilled as I am with the hand but I knew I wouldn't be. I couldn't really figure out how to put that hand into something I'd really love.
The deal is that once again I described an idea to Nicole. I was vague, open ended. She reached into my head and gave me exactly what I asked for only just a bit better. The soft lines of power radiating from the hand are so much better than an over all burst of power that many can be enamored with. My magick is not a cartoon.
How many artists can pluck an image out of your head like that? How many can hear the descriptions I gave of both the hand and then the header and then make them just like I asked only better? I am blown away by this woman's talent.
I need to ask her to widen the image or figure out how blogger can center it. Blogger tools are not so great.
*My Neschemah used the word "we". Is this the Elohim (as in gods and goddesses of creation on personalized to myself?) We? Am I a We? I suppose we all are in a larger sense of things.
Neschemah
I woke late this morning. It is going to be a horrific day for the back.
I turned on the shower and lay down for a moment to let the water heat up. When I moved to a sitting position, my head changed. My internal voice was much different before I realized it wasn't really me. My regular voice was right there.
The voice explained things like the recent dumping, past traumas from both adult and childhood and linked them all together. The growth of attitudes and perceptions around those events were demonstrated. It was interesting to say the least.
Those recently departed were mentioned as well.
The voice identified itself as my Neschemah. Now, I'm not sure that one's Neschemah would use that term for itself. It did show me symbols that I associate with being across the abyss. The truth to its words were obvious. I feel as if I am very high as I type joyous. Only, I cannot actually feel the joyousness because of physical pain. I am willing to say that there is a possibility of contact with the Neschemah.
The things explained were not all that personal considering what I've published here in the past but at the moment they are intensely personal. So, I will not share. I likely will in the future.
It also told me how things are going to be in regards to my life. Of this, I am dubious. I have had voices explain things like that to me before and they've never hit the mark. They are very good at explaining the past and present, the future, not so much.
One thing I can share is that is said via direct quote, "You [I] cannot afford the luxury of depression. It takes too long for you [me] to pull yourself [myself] out of that." This is true.
I turned on the shower and lay down for a moment to let the water heat up. When I moved to a sitting position, my head changed. My internal voice was much different before I realized it wasn't really me. My regular voice was right there.
The voice explained things like the recent dumping, past traumas from both adult and childhood and linked them all together. The growth of attitudes and perceptions around those events were demonstrated. It was interesting to say the least.
Those recently departed were mentioned as well.
The voice identified itself as my Neschemah. Now, I'm not sure that one's Neschemah would use that term for itself. It did show me symbols that I associate with being across the abyss. The truth to its words were obvious. I feel as if I am very high as I type joyous. Only, I cannot actually feel the joyousness because of physical pain. I am willing to say that there is a possibility of contact with the Neschemah.
The things explained were not all that personal considering what I've published here in the past but at the moment they are intensely personal. So, I will not share. I likely will in the future.
It also told me how things are going to be in regards to my life. Of this, I am dubious. I have had voices explain things like that to me before and they've never hit the mark. They are very good at explaining the past and present, the future, not so much.
One thing I can share is that is said via direct quote, "You [I] cannot afford the luxury of depression. It takes too long for you [me] to pull yourself [myself] out of that." This is true.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Mentor Talk
Last night, I felt as if I was going through a nervous breakdown. I was wide awake at 3:00 AM. I was stalking around the house. Stir crazy. Tears. Mad at the world. Mad at myself. Torment. I eventually took a muscle relaxer to force myself to sleep.
Today, I chatted with my mentor. I spoke of the repeating life patterns that appear external. What I feel is my complete lack of progress on the path. The deaths of my father and friend. My inability to deal with my back issues. The massive amount of pain medications I've been taking.
He pointed out the time in his life where he went through so many similar things He told me that I do this work with the dedication of a monk but never give myself a break. I was told I need to find other things to do. Distractions to participate in that have nothing to do with the work. Well, life is the work, so I really dont' understand that much but I can relate to periods of rest. Though, I never rest with this stuff. Even if I am at a ball game I am thinking of the Work.
He's told me to walk away for a while. He's told me this is the last hurdle.
I've told him I'm tired of the fucking hurdles with little or no progress. I am tired.
He said some encouraging things that I would have been happy to hear in the past. Now, as sincere and loving as they are, to me they are just words. Nice things to say when a friend is in trouble. Good to hear but in the end, one more wall for me to run into.
He said there is a wall at ever level of initiation and in my case I hit the wall stage so fast that it appears as if there are nothing but walls. I am tired of running head first into walls.
I was advised to take a break for a while. The answer to the patterns I see will be clear. This is the last hurdle. FUCK. I am tired of hurdles.
I've been advised to do rest before. So, if I disappear for a while, that is why. I doubt that I will. I've never been able to give the work a rest. There is a first time for everything.
Today, I chatted with my mentor. I spoke of the repeating life patterns that appear external. What I feel is my complete lack of progress on the path. The deaths of my father and friend. My inability to deal with my back issues. The massive amount of pain medications I've been taking.
He pointed out the time in his life where he went through so many similar things He told me that I do this work with the dedication of a monk but never give myself a break. I was told I need to find other things to do. Distractions to participate in that have nothing to do with the work. Well, life is the work, so I really dont' understand that much but I can relate to periods of rest. Though, I never rest with this stuff. Even if I am at a ball game I am thinking of the Work.
He's told me to walk away for a while. He's told me this is the last hurdle.
I've told him I'm tired of the fucking hurdles with little or no progress. I am tired.
He said some encouraging things that I would have been happy to hear in the past. Now, as sincere and loving as they are, to me they are just words. Nice things to say when a friend is in trouble. Good to hear but in the end, one more wall for me to run into.
He said there is a wall at ever level of initiation and in my case I hit the wall stage so fast that it appears as if there are nothing but walls. I am tired of running head first into walls.
I was advised to take a break for a while. The answer to the patterns I see will be clear. This is the last hurdle. FUCK. I am tired of hurdles.
I've been advised to do rest before. So, if I disappear for a while, that is why. I doubt that I will. I've never been able to give the work a rest. There is a first time for everything.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Life Changes
This has been a tough year. My father died. My friend died. I fell head over heals in love and then got dumped, nicely but dumped all the same. I am slowly becoming useless at my job due to a series of odd circumstances. I have been magically attacked*. I narrowly avoided having to deal with a stalker.
I have also, broken through a long time GD initiatory barrier only to run very quickly into the next one. I was finally told the 'great occult secret' that resulted in my punishment by more former coven. I have learned how deep love can be when you let it. I have let some crap go and rekindled friendships. I have SERIOUSLY started a book project on the Manifestation Meditation that has a good deal of promise, I think. I have made a lot of friends. The Conclave of the Greek Key, which started with the Helpful Deity, is going strong.
It also looks like my back has doomed my career, which will likely cause me to have to go on disability. Eventually, I will lose my house and healthcare. Therefore, I have started with greater resolve writing. I plan on writing pagan articles and magick books. I am staring a pun blog and have recently been appointment the official punner of The Provocation. Once I get 365 puns done, the new blog will release a pun a day. This blog makes about $100 a year in advertising. I can see a broader topic making two or three times that, which is nothing but, when you have nothing but time, why not? I am not a great writer. On the upside, I enjoy it and am willing to work on it. I may get lucky and be able to supplement my income.
Once I lose my job, I will put my face and name to this space as well. At my age, skill set and with my health problems in this economy, I am pretty much on the no hire list anyway. So, I won't have to worry about job fallout.
Also, this is nothing surprising. I have shared many initiatory events with my mentor. He went through them and watched me go through things very similar in theme. Sometimes, we go through very similar things at the same time. Right now, I am going through what he went through at this stage. Poverty, is likely on the horizon.
Mr. Leo, I'd like to introduce you to Humility. Humility, this is Leo.
* I have noted many times on this blog when I have screwed up. This time I can say I did nothing to make myself a target of this person.
I have also, broken through a long time GD initiatory barrier only to run very quickly into the next one. I was finally told the 'great occult secret' that resulted in my punishment by more former coven. I have learned how deep love can be when you let it. I have let some crap go and rekindled friendships. I have SERIOUSLY started a book project on the Manifestation Meditation that has a good deal of promise, I think. I have made a lot of friends. The Conclave of the Greek Key, which started with the Helpful Deity, is going strong.
It also looks like my back has doomed my career, which will likely cause me to have to go on disability. Eventually, I will lose my house and healthcare. Therefore, I have started with greater resolve writing. I plan on writing pagan articles and magick books. I am staring a pun blog and have recently been appointment the official punner of The Provocation. Once I get 365 puns done, the new blog will release a pun a day. This blog makes about $100 a year in advertising. I can see a broader topic making two or three times that, which is nothing but, when you have nothing but time, why not? I am not a great writer. On the upside, I enjoy it and am willing to work on it. I may get lucky and be able to supplement my income.
Once I lose my job, I will put my face and name to this space as well. At my age, skill set and with my health problems in this economy, I am pretty much on the no hire list anyway. So, I won't have to worry about job fallout.
Also, this is nothing surprising. I have shared many initiatory events with my mentor. He went through them and watched me go through things very similar in theme. Sometimes, we go through very similar things at the same time. Right now, I am going through what he went through at this stage. Poverty, is likely on the horizon.
Mr. Leo, I'd like to introduce you to Humility. Humility, this is Leo.
* I have noted many times on this blog when I have screwed up. This time I can say I did nothing to make myself a target of this person.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
On Death
The Nutty Professor asked what the deal was with being dead.
In Golden Dawn parlance, the adept is initiated in the tomb of Christian Rosencrantz.
In the Golden Dawn Neophyte ritual, the candidate is referred to as the Inheritor of a Dying World. This refers to the illusory view we have of our own created reality. Over the course of practice, that world dies. Eventually, 'we' die as well.
This death is caused by that ritual breaking apart our elemental structure. Later, we have to restore those structures in a purified and balanced state. Once that is accomplished, a rebirth takes place.
The process has been very difficult. It was full of loss and gain. The ugly reality is all this work has still left some illusions to deal with. The beauty of it, is that every once in a while, the Divine, both inner and outer, can be perceived. On rare occasion, it can be shared.
In Golden Dawn parlance, the adept is initiated in the tomb of Christian Rosencrantz.
In the Golden Dawn Neophyte ritual, the candidate is referred to as the Inheritor of a Dying World. This refers to the illusory view we have of our own created reality. Over the course of practice, that world dies. Eventually, 'we' die as well.
This death is caused by that ritual breaking apart our elemental structure. Later, we have to restore those structures in a purified and balanced state. Once that is accomplished, a rebirth takes place.
The process has been very difficult. It was full of loss and gain. The ugly reality is all this work has still left some illusions to deal with. The beauty of it, is that every once in a while, the Divine, both inner and outer, can be perceived. On rare occasion, it can be shared.
Monday, October 10, 2011
I Am Dead
Some time ago, I walked the paths of the Devil, Tower and Death.
Since then, my father died, my friend Chris died, four or five people I know tangentially from work have also passed. I haven't been to work in five or six weeks because my back has been in severe pain. By my standards, the pain has gone off the scale.
My Gal (ex-gf) went through the same thing on her initiatory arc. Frankly, I am tired of death. I am going to walk the Path of Sagittarius tonight or tomorrow. I am done being in the tomb.
The above was written early this morning. The rest of this post is being written at 7:00 P.M.
I did a little ritual tonight just like those referenced above. Simple, I meditated then I went to a purple candle in the west and vibrated the god name of Yesod nine times. Carrying the Temperance card, the card associated with the path between Yesod and Tipereth. I moved to the east and vibrated the god name of that sphere six times. Carrying the card between the poles, I walked to each vibrating the archangelic name and the choir names in turn.
The only remarkable thing was the meditation. It was very solid. Aside from that, I received none of the imagery like in the referenced rites above. Perhaps, I am not ready. Perhaps, this was just a start. I hope to be reborn. Being dead isn't all that fun at the moment, even though I have been fascinated by the surrounding events.
Personal Note:
Long time readers will know that I had difficult time with my former coven. I am not going to rehash that here. I am going to say that over the years I have been very rough on them. In my opinion, quite correctly. Though now, I'd view that as lacking compassion. That doesn't matter at this point.
They viewed me as very wrong. Again, the reasons don't matter. The fact is they did. Despite that, they did a kind and compassionate thing for me recently. I wanted to acknowledge that and express my appreciation.
I believe that those who bitch about things are obligated to point out the positive things as well.
Since then, my father died, my friend Chris died, four or five people I know tangentially from work have also passed. I haven't been to work in five or six weeks because my back has been in severe pain. By my standards, the pain has gone off the scale.
My Gal (ex-gf) went through the same thing on her initiatory arc. Frankly, I am tired of death. I am going to walk the Path of Sagittarius tonight or tomorrow. I am done being in the tomb.
The above was written early this morning. The rest of this post is being written at 7:00 P.M.
I did a little ritual tonight just like those referenced above. Simple, I meditated then I went to a purple candle in the west and vibrated the god name of Yesod nine times. Carrying the Temperance card, the card associated with the path between Yesod and Tipereth. I moved to the east and vibrated the god name of that sphere six times. Carrying the card between the poles, I walked to each vibrating the archangelic name and the choir names in turn.
The only remarkable thing was the meditation. It was very solid. Aside from that, I received none of the imagery like in the referenced rites above. Perhaps, I am not ready. Perhaps, this was just a start. I hope to be reborn. Being dead isn't all that fun at the moment, even though I have been fascinated by the surrounding events.
Personal Note:
Long time readers will know that I had difficult time with my former coven. I am not going to rehash that here. I am going to say that over the years I have been very rough on them. In my opinion, quite correctly. Though now, I'd view that as lacking compassion. That doesn't matter at this point.
They viewed me as very wrong. Again, the reasons don't matter. The fact is they did. Despite that, they did a kind and compassionate thing for me recently. I wanted to acknowledge that and express my appreciation.
I believe that those who bitch about things are obligated to point out the positive things as well.
Manifestation Meditation
I am still working out this process. As I have mentioned before, the meditation tends to morph. I have discerned why.
My ceremonial magick work, I had to encounter various life situations in order to purify and/or learn the lessons necessary. With the Manifestation Meditation various meditations must be performed. I use the word must because while I start with the Manifestation Meditation proper, not only do these new meditations snap in over what I am doing (not in a mind drift sort of way) but circumstances seem to bring me the information I need to perform them. These meditations are slowly lining up my subtle bodies. I know this because I am a superior human being. Cough. Either that or I am just observing things and finding meaning in random events. Grin. I could also have obtained some understanding of the process.
Speaking of understanding, I do plan on sharing this when it is done. I have the introduction and first chapter completed for a book on this topic. These have been vetted by my editor and given the thumbs up. At the moment, I am writing the philosophical and ontological underpinnings. I may get that complete before the full result of this process comes to fruition. At the moment, I plan to keep it unpublished until I can make an honest claim about what it can do.
The second chapter is half complete in first draft form.
Currently, the Manifestation Meditation has morphed into using the Chakra system. I will post soon on what I am doing with that.
Personal Note:
I would like to use this space to say thank you to Bert Hansen. After my friend Chris passed, he retrieved an item of Chris' that I didn't even know meant anything to me. It meant a great deal. I thank Bert for realizing that and giving me the item. Thank you, Bert.
My ceremonial magick work, I had to encounter various life situations in order to purify and/or learn the lessons necessary. With the Manifestation Meditation various meditations must be performed. I use the word must because while I start with the Manifestation Meditation proper, not only do these new meditations snap in over what I am doing (not in a mind drift sort of way) but circumstances seem to bring me the information I need to perform them. These meditations are slowly lining up my subtle bodies. I know this because I am a superior human being. Cough. Either that or I am just observing things and finding meaning in random events. Grin. I could also have obtained some understanding of the process.
Speaking of understanding, I do plan on sharing this when it is done. I have the introduction and first chapter completed for a book on this topic. These have been vetted by my editor and given the thumbs up. At the moment, I am writing the philosophical and ontological underpinnings. I may get that complete before the full result of this process comes to fruition. At the moment, I plan to keep it unpublished until I can make an honest claim about what it can do.
The second chapter is half complete in first draft form.
Currently, the Manifestation Meditation has morphed into using the Chakra system. I will post soon on what I am doing with that.
Personal Note:
I would like to use this space to say thank you to Bert Hansen. After my friend Chris passed, he retrieved an item of Chris' that I didn't even know meant anything to me. It meant a great deal. I thank Bert for realizing that and giving me the item. Thank you, Bert.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
A Personal Moment
My self-perception has been one of someone that lacks compassion and empathy. These are traits that I have sought for some time but felt like I didn't possess. I felt that way because when I am frustrated my expression of that state is certainly without those traits. Sometimes, I am hyper focused on that issue because it is the only thing about me that I strongly dislike. It is not some sort of spiritual masochism to recognize that part and want to fix it.
Suddenly, I realized all the compassionate acts I do. Wave after wave of my own actions over the years hit me. Recently two people have pointed out how my moral structure impacts my life. I have wondered why this was being shared with me. Along with the revelations on my compassionate acts, I realized my moral structure is based on compassion and empathy. I feel like I have discovered something so obvious that I feel silly for never noticing it before.
I have just experienced a huge self-perception shift.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
My History and Nick Farrell's Opinion
I was recently referred to a post regarding actual knowledge of a group rather than gaining historical perspective through paperwork. In the article, Nick Farrell, a well-respected Golden Dawn type, describes his experience during an initiation. He then says, "You can use it to measure the standard of your own Golden Dawn group and then tell me that Whare Ra adepts did not know what they were doing."
My opinion of such things that is there is a combination of things that occur. One is the skill of the initiator and the other is the ability of the candidate to perceive what is happening. A very skilled initiator can encounter a 'rock' that simply has no idea what is happening on an esoteric level. This is no insult to 'rocks' I have described myself that way once or twice. I have upgraded my abilities to 'soft rock'.
My neophyte was done by someone named Wendy. I have never met her before or since. Even as a rock, I knew then that she and her compatriots rocked. I have also had grade initiations with Sam Webster as Hierophant and others with my mentor in the big chair. My Philosophus (fire) initiation was performed by my mentor. The 'lesser officers' were John Michael Greer and Lon Milo DuQuette, not a bad line-up. These are not light weights in temple space. JMG is like being in temple with Moses. Experiencing Lon can only be described as being overwhelmed by a steal feather. The best description of my mentor that I can come up with is that being cooked by him is being cooked by yourself. There is no ego there to push on you. The job is simply done.
I even had the honor of being on the dais as my mentor did a neophtye initiation with Lon and Donald Micheal Kraig also on the dais. Their response in private was the same as it was in public. They said they had attended, "the best initiation they had ever seen." I say this not to credit myself but to credit my mentor. He is damn good at what he does.
The description of events from Nick's point of view does not vary much from others that I have talked to about my mentor's initiations. As far as Sam's, I can say that my head felt like I had been parked in a microwave oven for a while. Sam can seriously cook you.
I mention this because I have to agree with Nick. The historical record left by my group is negligible. As far as I know, my mentor who unlike me is a scholar, has left no writings attributed him. This does not make the experience any less life changing for those willing to do the work after being initiated by him. The historians will ignore my former group. For much like Mr. Howe, they simply do not understand. They also have nothing in writing to go on. I have mentioned before my mentor likes to fly under the radar. He has his reasons. I think he is doing the esoteric community a disservice in that. He is a Golden Dawn person that does not have his head wedged firmly up his ass. I think the occult community could use a few more examples of that.
I consider myself only a only a fair occultist but I have enough experience to understand those that I have had the good fortune to be exposed to. My entire outer order experience was under the tutelage of one man for whom I have the utmost respect. My claim to fame was that at least I had to the good sense to listen to him most of the time. Historians can only provide part of the picture. I know the rest and I will always be grateful.
A Message from Dad
I have had a long bout with my back pain of late. That isn't the point of this post but bear with me just a moment. I was out of work for 45 days. The upside is that the chiropractor found a vertebrae that was 9 millimeters out of alignment. It was nice to learn it isn't all in my head as I have been told so many times. The chiropractor also confirmed what the first doctor said was the problem, torn ligaments. There is a certain psychological relief in that knowledge. I had been convinced that I was a bit nuts to have such a severe physical reaction to an 'emotional problem.'
So, I've slowly been getting back to work this week. I have had two six hour days. This morning, I was really struggling to get to work. I have been getting there on pure will power. As I sat down to eat a bowl of cereal, I heard an insistent voice in my head telling me to stay home. It sounded like my father. He was not using his military 'command' voice but there was and edge of authority to it. Given that and we are having our first rain of the season for the commute to work, I listened. The roads are normally a bit slippery this time of year.
So today, I was texting the Gentle Soul (a very close friend) and told her. Apparently, last night, she dreamed of my father. He was speaking to someone about my mundane work. He used the words "work" and "going". She couldn't get the whole conversation. She described it as listening through a door.
The Gentle Soul is one of those folks that routinely dreams true dreams. If she tells you to stay home from work, YOU. STAY. HOME. There is no doubt about her abilities. So, when she dreamed of my father last night on the same subject, I do not view it as a coincidence.
My father talked to me from beyond the grave. This is completely unprovable but I believe it. I think I have just avoided a major injury or death today but listening to him. I am less sure of that but I am going with it.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Resolution
I have noticed of late that a lot of old issues are being resolved with old friends. I have also noticed it doesn't matter which side was in the wrong. Things are just getting fixed. I find this very cool. It is like old relationships are falling into their proper places. Naturally, people feel closer to some than others but there is a sense of peace about things.
It would appear that my internal work reflects in the outward healing of others in some fashion. This is something I never expected and take no credit for. It is simply an observation.
Energy
I cannot work late at night anymore. It is often my habit to pop into temple before bedtime. I can only do that if I don't mind staying up an extra three hours or so. The energy is, well, energizing. Fortunately, the upcoming time change makes it easier for me to work earlier in the evening.
Earth Work
The Nutty Professor ask me about effective Earth work in a comment to the Pledge post.
I am sure this isn't what she is looking for but just in case I am wrong, here goes.
My first real introduction to the sacredness of the earth was from Jason Miller. He spoke of the chthonic gods and energies. One of his meditations involved drawing energy up from the earth as well as down from above. For me, this was one of those moments where the intellectual knowledge becomes heart knowledge.
Even though it took some time, that lead to me working with Hades and other chthonic deities. These are easily accessible through the Orphic Hymns.
Another way I am working with earth is through the elements. The five elements are very much earth.
Nutty isn't talking about any of these. She specifically mentioned Gaia and that denotes to me a holistic earth approach. I really have nothing to offer except my old standbys: Prayer and Meditation
It would appear that my internal work reflects in the outward healing of others in some fashion. This is something I never expected and take no credit for. It is simply an observation.
Energy
I cannot work late at night anymore. It is often my habit to pop into temple before bedtime. I can only do that if I don't mind staying up an extra three hours or so. The energy is, well, energizing. Fortunately, the upcoming time change makes it easier for me to work earlier in the evening.
Earth Work
The Nutty Professor ask me about effective Earth work in a comment to the Pledge post.
I am sure this isn't what she is looking for but just in case I am wrong, here goes.
My first real introduction to the sacredness of the earth was from Jason Miller. He spoke of the chthonic gods and energies. One of his meditations involved drawing energy up from the earth as well as down from above. For me, this was one of those moments where the intellectual knowledge becomes heart knowledge.
Even though it took some time, that lead to me working with Hades and other chthonic deities. These are easily accessible through the Orphic Hymns.
Another way I am working with earth is through the elements. The five elements are very much earth.
Nutty isn't talking about any of these. She specifically mentioned Gaia and that denotes to me a holistic earth approach. I really have nothing to offer except my old standbys: Prayer and Meditation
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Cold Fear
Last night, I walked into the temple room and I was scared. The energy flowing through that place is unreal. The energy is dense, tangible. It reminded me of what I encountered when I was first introduced to magick when I was eighteen. The person that introduced me could make me feel that or did things that allowed me to feel that. I could tell you stories about that guy but every experienced occultists wouldn't believe me.
This morning, I figured it out.
The work I am doing with the LIRP is making what used to be ethereal tangible. The energy is humming very close to the earth. It has an entire different feel than when I rise up. This energy is coming down or started down. This is like the energy of the goetia in its denseness. Yet, it isn't malevolent in any way.
I have to be honest. I am intimidated by the intensity. That said, I am going to continue with my plan. I am going to invoke these angels of the elements internally, Chassan (air), Aral (Fire), Taliahad (Water) and Phorlak (earth). I am not going to deal with them as external. They are part of me. Part of the Universe.
Dirty Temple
I haven't been doing a lot of banishing lately. I have done a lot of invoking the elements. I have also participated in a direct connect with my mentor's temple for a private ritual. Prior to all that, I've done some meditating and healing from there. Though, the room hasn't been used much in the last couple of days.
Just before going to bed tonight, I popped in just to see how it felt, not good. It was out of balance to the earth side but dirty feeling, unclean. It did not feel malicious.
I rang the bell to break up some of the gunk, hit the place with sage and banished with the LBRP (traditional style) and the BRH. I then used the active and passive pentagrams of spirit, calling on all the names. I asked that the place be blessed.
Spontaneously, I did something else. I circumambulated as I called the god names, archangels and choirs of the supernal sephiroth. I prayed to each fully conscious these names are not formulas. I asked each of them to bless the space in the imperfect way I understand each being.
The place is humming with energy now. Maybe too much for little ol' me. It is still a little heavy on the earth side.
Just before going to bed tonight, I popped in just to see how it felt, not good. It was out of balance to the earth side but dirty feeling, unclean. It did not feel malicious.
I rang the bell to break up some of the gunk, hit the place with sage and banished with the LBRP (traditional style) and the BRH. I then used the active and passive pentagrams of spirit, calling on all the names. I asked that the place be blessed.
Spontaneously, I did something else. I circumambulated as I called the god names, archangels and choirs of the supernal sephiroth. I prayed to each fully conscious these names are not formulas. I asked each of them to bless the space in the imperfect way I understand each being.
The place is humming with energy now. Maybe too much for little ol' me. It is still a little heavy on the earth side.
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