Sunday, September 7, 2008
Long HGA Chat
Yesterday, I was in intense pain. I also had a long chat with my HGA on various topics. I will summarize what was said.
His voice seemed very different but I had all the other signs that I had the right spirit. Apparently, he was in a bad mood. I was taken aback by this as it never occurred to me that HGA's had moods. My back pain had angered him. His analogy was that the feeling is like being in a room with a very upset person. For humans, that upset can be contagious. My back pain effects him in the same way.
One theory of HGA's is that they are completely separate beings from ourselves. If so, how can my pain effect him like this? Addressing the issue of him being a separate being from myself he said without words, "It is complicated."
I wondered how my pain medication effects him. He said it doesn't but then offered this interesting tidbit that covered both the separate entity issue and drugs. According to him, one of the reasons that drug addicts fall so far is that the heavy recreational drugs so disturb the HGA that they have to withdrawal. The process is equivalent of having a brain damaged three year old that hits you with a hammer. Eventually, the parent must separate from the child. Any human can understand the pain any parent would experience in that situation. His use of that analogy tells me that as humans we can cause our HGAs a great deal of pain and trauma. Considering the sheer numbers of humans that turn away from their own souls, the general population of HGA spirits must live in as much pain as humans do. This is such a sad thought.
What about drugs that are said to awaken one's spirituality like LSD? He said those often chemically mimic a true spiritual experience and that the effect fools people into thinking something deeply spiritual has occurred. After some back and forth, he admitted there can be such a fine line between the drug induced spiritual experience and the real thing that distinguishing the two doesn't really matter. That isn't his entire perspective. I am putting some words in his mouth here but I think his attitude is that the drug induced spiritual experience can be very helpful but he doesn't wholly approve. At some point, I will question him on the subtleties of his point of view.
Regarding my experience with Asmodel, he told me that I should invoke the other kerubs as well. I have had some internal questions lately about having spirits change my personality for me. My thought was that the alchemical process should be mine alone. He said there are certain things one can not change but the mere recognition of that fact and the willingness to do something, even if it is seemingly external, is the Work. I would have argued with him but I couldn't find a reason.
He told me in no uncertain terms that I should not have done the binding. His argument was that you can't bind other people for reacting to one's own issues. I explained that I have been working on that issue but, in this case, the other person consciously or not was using my issues to further her drama. He still didn't care. I then explained the potential mundane fallout of this person going on about it to others in the workplace. He then agreed the spell wasn't a problem and admitted that he doesn't necessarily understand mundane implications. Towards the end of this conversation snippet, he took on the feel of my mentor. I don't like it when he does that because it makes my critical mind wonder if I am making up the conversation to sooth myself. However, in this case he took that form of emotion to comfort me and show me that he wasn't upset with me.
Yesterday, I had the idea that, after recharging Bune's seal according to Asmodel's instructions, of taking Bune's seal to various locations and showing him specifically what I need from him. This thought was inspired by Frater RO's comments on the topic of Bune. The scenario flitted through my mind during this conversation. My HGA called Bune and vibrated a word simultaneously. The sound reminded me of a the short blast of an air horn. The word sounded like Sheshat, an Egyptian god-form, but I was assured that was not the meaning. I asked him if he just commanded Bune directly. He said he did. Bune just stood there. I asked why Bune simply stood their motionless. "I have not released him yet." Sometimes, the obvious answers make me feel a bit foolish.
There are all sorts of implications to my HGA directly ordering my spirits about. I will contemplate those at a later time.
I left the conversation feeling somewhat disorientated but in a very peaceful sort of way and went straight to bed. I had two disturbing dreams in which My Gal was being separated from me by armed men. In one dream, I could not leave a recently invaded island. And in another, someone had broken into a home and held her hostage. In neither dream did I feel any imminent danger to either of us. Only upon waking would I label them disturbing.
(conversation image from: http://thepaisano.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/conversation.jpg)