Lack of Will
Last night, I dreamed that I was walking down a very long street in a business district. The place was not new but there was a cleanliness that struck me. I suppose that thought made me lucid. My first thought full astral projection. I moved down the street at a faster clip and began to feel that familiar vibration but not enough. I thought to myself about why I wasn't 'taking off'. I came up with nothing.
That leads me to this. Today, I was IMing with a friend that was puzzled about why his experiment with herbs would not burn. While I have no doubt there is a physical reason, I immediately moved to the subjective and wondered if he really had the will or desire to work this spell as fire is representative of those things. He said he had no great desire. It was simply an experiment with herbs.
Oddly, at the same time, I was burning copal for the same reason. I wanted to know what it smelled like. I then moved on to some Chinese amber for the same reason. The heat melted the amber into a liquid pool but nothing happened. The charcoal had gone out. This is an odd coincidence. Looking back at my astral projection last night, the same problem occurred. There was really no will or desire to go anywhere or accomplish anything. This is why I remained grounded.
For various reasons I will not go into here, I think the Saturn binding I did went quite well. So did the clean-up of the temple space. You may remember that I admitted my behavior was part of the problem. So, as I cleaned up the wax, I repeated the mantra that went something like this, As I lift up this stain, I cleanse myself of this trait. The setting was most appropriate given that this was done in my most private space, a space representative of my personal alchemy and one could argue my soul. What better place to remove the stains of the self? What better way to acknowledge the binding, while necessary, also reflected a need within?