Day 1 - Consecration

The ritual design is simple.

• LBRP
• BRH
• 1st Degree Opening
• Bornless Ritual (Libre Samekh)
• Keter, God Name, Archangelic Name, Choir name vibrated one time. Then a vibration of my HGA name and something else. All this is meant to charge the very expensive thing.
  
• Tomorrow, I will start three days for Binah using three vibrations. In a few days, I will start a six day run for Tipereth etc.
• 1st Degree Close
• BRH
• LBRP

The ritual was cool. The Bornless really hopped. I was pleased with the energy. What really mattered was the water and fire portions of the 1st Degree Opening. I've long figured out the 'right way' to do the fire portion but tonight I figured out the water. I am sure that has something to do with the ritual last night. The ritual space after that was very different. So different as to be shocking and a bit scary but a lot of fun at the same time.

Twenty-eight days to go.

The Very Expensive Thing Hath Arrived!

I am a happy camper!

Some results of last nights ritual have manifested and I've done some thinking.

First the results. Today, my first thought upon waking was of someone I don't see much. She is a friend but she doesn't enter my every day thoughts. So, when she called today and needed My Gal's support, which was freely given, I noticed the odd conjunction of thought and reality. My Gal was also having trouble and I gave her some advice and said, "Do that and they'll say XXXXXXXXXX a week from next Tuesday." Which is exactly what they said. I think some intuitional abilities were stimulated. I will see if that lasts or not.

The ritual itself was messed up but I learned.

1. The tribe names are more like spirit names in a planetary hierarchy. The proper pattern to use is, the permutation of the tetragrammaton, angel and tribe.
2. Since this was about Scorpio, I should have drawn the Scorpio sigil in the middle of the hexagram, not the planet.
3. I think Nile commentary was transitional to Osiris.
4. Osiris was there to calm down the potential screw-up of calling the lower force without a direct line of control.

A Bit About Dan

After the talk of the Nile, I did a little research into the Tribe of Dan. It seemed odd that I'd get a Nile reference from a Hebrew Tribe. My brief research shows no link to the Nile Delta. However, they are the tribe of justice, which is something I felt was missing in a particularly hard to deal with emotional issue. Since they said payment of a debt was not forthcoming, I am not thinking they will deal justice. I am just noting the emotional linkage.

The Tribe of Dan Brings Unexpected Guest

I live! For the moment.

I began the same way I did with Asmodel then I got stupid. Well, not really, just forgetful but it all worked out.

I did the LBRP, BRH, First Degree Opening, Middle Pillar with five vibrations. Five corresponds to Mars ruler of Scorpio. Beginning with Keter I felt a peculiar vibration. The feeling was one of prickly heat with a edge of harsh emotion. The sensation encompasses my head completely and with the last vibration began to move down the neck. The next to sephira were not as exciting. However, Yesod vibrated at my feet. The top of Malkuth may have touched my feet but the rest of it was WAY DOWN THERE.

I drew the invoking hexagram of Mars with the Mars sigil in the center using my rainbow wand held at the Scorpio point with the GD Hierophant technique. Here is where I realized that I am a bumbling forgetful magician. When I did Asmodel, I had looked up the angel name for Taurus. I had forgotten to do that. So, I switched to the Hebrew and called upon the Tribe of Dan. They came. They felt much different than I expected. "Well, you called a tribe, not an angel. We are here." I felt it wise to just move along. I heard, "Why did you call?"

"I seek hidden knowledge. I seek to become a spiritual person. Yet, I am held down by my own baggage. I do not have the emotional tools to set it down. I need to let go of the past. I need tools for the future."

I saw this:

I was told to skry the card as this work would be different than my work with Asmodel. Here, I'd will have to prove my willingness to plunge into the depths through consistent effort. I was asked if I was willing. I said yes but this is a horrendous time given the ritual work I am about to commence. Apparently, they will be fine with consistent effort. Daily work is not necessary. I asked if the Rider Waite or other Prince of Cups would do. No, it must be this one.

I was giving permission to call them any time.

I then realized I was standing ankle deep in water. The inundation of the Nile brings fertility to the earth. I need to accept the flood of the past and allow that to fertilize my earth my life. Any realization or growth I make need not be made public unless I wish it to. I may remain silent. I owe no debts. Those owed me will not be repaid. "Am I owed a debt?" "Who cares," came the answer. I can't argue the logic there. If I am owed a debt that won't be repaid, does it matter that the debt is owed? No. If I am not owed a debt, then the lack of payment doesn't matter either.

I felt the energy of the water rise up my legs to my buttocks. I stood there for a while as they imparted more words to me that I can not recall at the moment. I could have stayed for quite a while but I deemed it unwise. I am not sure if that was wisdom or just too much water for a fiery Leo.

I thanked them and drew the banishing hex of Mars. I realized that I had brought in a variety of incense and I intended to ask them which they would like. Incense during a flood. Brilliant thinking! So, now that the flood was over, I burned two types first Eros and then Osiris.

After performing the first degree closing, I stepped back behind the altar in the exact spot of the 'flood.' I saw myself turn green. Dressed in white, I saw the white crown upon my head. My arms crossed involuntarily. Osiris. Silence. Sacrifice. There was more of a dry emotion than words. I am sure there are words for what I felt only I don't know them.
I stood there for quite a while. I became plainly aware that one of us had to go. Osiris, the Silent, was not going to budge. For all I know, he is still standing behind my altar as I type this.

I warned him of the banishing. He didn't seem to care. I did the BRH, LBRP and gave the License to Depart.

Osiris didn't move.

Apologies for the hasty writing. It has been a long night.


(Thoth Prince of Cups from: http://altreligion.about.com/library/graphics/crowley/pcups.jpg)

Warning

The last two nights bore watery dreams. The night before last, I was watching a small plane such as a piper cub with fixed landing gear fly low over the ocean. I worried about him being so close. Then he did several loops. The bottom of each loop forced him under the water but he just flew on as if it were nothing.

Last night, I watched as six men enter a helicopter. The craft was simply a welded frame with two props sticking out of the top. Even though I was watching from a distance, I was the last one in. Each person had some baggage. As the craft rose, mine baggage began to fall and I caught it but put myself in a very dangerous position to do so. I watched myself with such complete detachment that I am not sure that it was myself I was seeing. Then the bag fell again. Those with the me that was watching shouted to the other me to let it go but that other me literally jumped out of the craft towards the baggage and burst into flame upon descent. Some folks in odd rescue gear that allowed them to fly tried to help but I think I was dead.

Last night I was heavily medicated, yet I woke up after this dream. This forced me to remember.

A half trained chimp could figure out the symbolism in that dream. Tonight, I will invoke Scorpio in hopes of letting emotional baggage go.

(pic from: http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.soulindia.com/12signes/scorpio_txt/
Image_Scorpio_3_x_3.JPG&imgrefurl=http://www.soulindia.com/12signes/scorpio_txt/
scorpio_txt.html&h=216&w=216&sz=9&hl=en&start=4&usg=__N0_FnFUQOADmD0IBPIo
RGViB7GY=&tbnid=ecY-vYcPL2buEM:&tbnh=107&tbnw=107&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsco
rpio%2Beagle%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG)

The Myth of Guilt

A group of bloggers, most linked to this blog, decided to post on the Myth of Guilt. Many of them put quite a lot of work into the project and wrote well. I simply have too much to do at this time but I will throw up a few comments for general consideration.

Our emotions are tools of self-discovery. Some of them we experience in positive ways others negative. Humans being what they are tend to learn from the negative. Guilt is one such negative emotion, anger (you didn't live up to my expectations), jealousy (you slept with X but you BELONG to me) and fear (I won't get x or I will die) are other examples of such things.

The trick is to not pass them off as some creepy bogey man or creation of the church. The trick is to learn from them. Got Guilt? Find out how you failed in your expectations of yourself. You can blame anything else you want but a magician will turn inward sooner or later. And when they do, they will learn how they failed themselves.

The myth is that guilt has no purpose.

The reality is that it is used against you by outside forces like your mother and the church.

The truth is the third thing. Guilt's purpose is showing you how you harmed yourself.

(pic from: http://1jeff.com/nggallery/page-5/album-1/gallery-9/images/)

A Couple of Dreams

Going to bed earlier may be helpful in trying to live a dream life. I can recall two dreams.

The first was very violent. So violent. Many crazed people that had the look of video game adversaries ran about. I suppose the the model would be the last bad guy in Wolfenstien but I could be misremembering. Many years have passed since this writer has played such games.
People were getting killed left and right. The scenes were very bloody. I didn't run. I had no fear. I simply and calmly dispatched the bad guys with a handgun. My vision was so clear that I actually saw the bullet hole I created in the last fellow.

I find two things odd. First, I remember stopping the last attacker distinctly and I think I took out more but I have no recollection of them. Also the bullet hole I created in the bad guy did not bleed at all. Yet, after giving me a shocked look, he fell.

The second dream had more meaning that I could understand.

My gal and I were in Eastern Europe visiting people she knew. They lived in a communal house with private sections which were completely open to public living areas. Each living area had a table and chairs in a one to one relationship to the private areas but anyone could walk through the common area and look into the private spaces. There was no wall to separate them.

Everyone seemed quite friendly and the women were stunned that I did the dishes after the meal. During that chore I was almost lucid but not quite. I did something to get the owner of the building mad.

I went out to a place with lots of water. There was a voice over about mighty ships and the dangers they hold. Apparently, there was some kind of great struggle between two rival shipping lines and things were getting down and dirty. During some parts of the dream, I was a giant and more or less using the ships as surf board. I could steer them but with some difficulty. Other times I was a tiny ship trying to navigate past them without getting capsized. On my way back I bought a bunch of matchbox type cars in a carrying case for the kids that lived in the building.

The owner of the building was still angry with me. She made me come in the back way. She then challenged me asking me what my positive traits were. I said that I've had the same employer for 15 years; had a deep spiritual drive; and generally treated people well. She seemed satisfied with this but still did not like me. She was waif-like but had a little meat on her bones and was a brunette. I don't recall seeing her as ugly in my dream but in writing this I a flash of a hideous face flashed into my mind.

Commentary

I am pleased with the amount of detail I am able to recall. The large ships being such a danger may be a warning about dealing with the Scorpio angel. I will do that anyway but I will need to up the courage factor a little.

Writing Commentary

While this is of no interest to the reader, I have found that my efforts to be a better editor are having an effect in some small way. The spell check is revealing no errors besides proper names and idiosyncratic spellings such as magick.

Odd Lucidity

I woke up feeling the dream related below was intimately related to this dream which was discussed further here.

The Dream

I was in a new house with my wife (not My Gal or my ex-wife). She was a too thin blond woman and short of stature. We had just moved in. The walls were a soft rose color which I would never have chosen. The decor was somewhere in the classical feminine range in the living areas. I awoke in the bedroom to water dripping from the ceiling and big ugly water stains near the tops of the walls.

I thought, "I have to call a plumber," then, "No, there is a problem with the ceiling."

In the classic logic of dreams, I went downstairs and looked for a hobby, went right out the front door and walked along the country roads. The thought occurred that I could pick up the trash on the sides of the roads.

I then find myself myself in a semi-industrial area near a train or subway system. I began pushing a cart down the street. The cart was of the type you may see in at a Home Depot or Lowe's for carrying large pieces of wood or sheet rock. Vertical bars eventually formed an upper rack and on that rack (i.e. over my head) were three long lead pipes. I pushed them for quite a way through city sidewalks before deciding I had gone the wrong way. I took them back to the starting point but when I got there, I was pushing a hand dolly with three black tires on it. I gave the dolly with the tires to the warehouseman and he said "Where is the paperwork for these?" I said there there wasn't any, "I had taken them by mistake." He smiled and said thank you.

I was then in the living room of the new house. There were people sitting there looking on me. One of them sat atop a book case or china hutch. He reminded me of Jason Miller and asked, "Did you lie to PH?" I become lucid in that thinking sort of way. My brain worked just as it would in waking life when considering a question out of left field. My response, "I will give you a very political answer. I don't think so but I'd be happy to talk to her about it." This resulted in laughter.

There was also a question that the person asking had a hard time forming. Apparently, I had offered to pay for repairs when someone had a plumbing problem. I was accused of not following through. I felt, but did not get a chance to say, the offer was genuine but the other person declined by failing to accept.

There was also a stranger part where I had to go up the stairs to the second floor but there was all sorts of things in my way. I had to climb over tables and eventually used an odd curved springy thing as stilts to get where I needed to go. I am not sure when that happened in sequence of things.

Analysis

First, the state of mind here as in the first dream, was one of fully lucid thinking while not astral projecting. In short, I was lucid but not in a state of traveling from one location to the other nor was I aware I was dreaming.

The carrying of the three lead pipes is interesting. First of all, I wasn't really carrying them. They were not as great of a burden because I was pushing them in cart. Secondly, they were three of them and they were lead. Both of these are symbolic of Saturn, restriction and form. Given my work with Saturn here, I am not surprised to find Saturn imagery in a dream but I am surprised that the burden was not great. Perhaps my work with the Saturn angel helped to relieve the situation. The pipes turning into wheels seems like a pretty good omen. There is nothing better for moving on than a set of wheels.

The going out and looking for a hobby rather than deal with the water pouring down from the roof is a sign of emotional avoidance.

The situation referred to above is the deep anger and mistrust I have with my former coven and their religion. While that has ebbed away considerably, I can not deny it is still there. There seems little point in carrying that with me any more. Yet, I do not feel it wise to forget for two reasons. The first is that I've seen the behavior repeated. I am not convinced there is enough growth in at least one other to keep similar situations from repeating. The second is for the lessons learned.

The group scene reflects a kinder version of the kangaroo court that bounced me from the group only the people there were not mad (in several senses of the word) and they were kind. I didn't recognize any of them. The question about lying revolves around what I think more than one person did in the 'court' I faced. I am convinced of those lies because private conversations are markedly different private stances on the issue. Those who tell the truth don't have to do that. The question about PH is a bit odd though as she is a former co-worker that I've never had an issue with or occasion to lie to her. Our relationship was friendly superficial co-worker. She was always a bit guarded with me but always kind. However, the H in that name stands for a surname I have heard originated with children of Beltane revelry.

The other question is also pertinent. This thing about offering to pay for plumbing repairs but reneging reflects some magick done that I can not publish here. I understand the point and half agree.

Action Items

I like being so lucid in dreams even if I don't travel astrally. These seems to occur when I have gone to bed early enough to wake on my own rather than face the directed will of a clanging alarm clock. I shall try to go to bed earlier to facilitate lucid dreams.

I've had many dreams of water lately and the long time reader will remember that I got stuck trying to reach Hod (astral water in some systems) during a lucid dream. That water coming through the ceiling may be showing the damn is breaking. Given that and my successful work with Asmodel, angel of the fixed earth Taurus. I am going to evoke the Angel of Scorpio this weekend. If I wait, I will mix things up with the 29 straight days of ritual for the consecration of the expensive thing.

All Keyed Up

Today, I noticed at lunch some waste of a human being keyed my car. There is a long stripe down the driver's side that could be nothing but intentional. I will be forced to notice it every time I get in. I like my car. It is the only car I've ever had that is a 'step up' from lower end models. My ride is a little over a year old. Oddly, I wasn't all that pissed off. In times past, that would have really keyed me up.

Despite my relative calm, my general belief is that people make mistakes and do damage all the time. I find that easy to forgive and forget. Deliberate harm or destruction is another matter. "I knew I was going to hurt you but I didn't care," will earn my eternal wrath. This is that category of event. I suppose made slightly less because I have no idea who did the deed. In short, the 'evil doer' had not pretended to be my friend first.

So, as I sat in my office, and thought of conjuring Andromulas the 72nd goetic spirit but then I immediately remembered the dual warnings of my HGA and mentor and decided against that idea. Not because it is out of my structure of ethics (it used to be) but because of prior warnings that such work is not good for me at this time.

I came home and literally forgot to tell My Gal about the incident. Then I open up my email and there is this stunning picture of my very expensive thing. I feel as if my listening to the warning was immediately rewarded by seeing a picture of my expensive thing four days ahead of schedule. I find it hard to believe there is a simple reward and punishment going on here. But, given that every time I take a step towards following what I hear from my HGA, something positive happens. In this case, it is reversed.

(Image is not my car: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3047/2619011975_f673275e1a.jpg?v=0)

Previously, each time I took a step towards buying this thing there was a step toward promotion. This time, it was a positive life decision and a positive expensive thing experience occurred four days earlier than scheduled.

Pulchritudinous Piece

The manufacturing of the very expensive thing is complete. They sent me a picture of stunning beauty. I am so stoked. Once it arrives, there will be twenty-nine consecutive days of ritual work for consecration.

I may post something else later tonight but I just had to express my joy at the eminent arrival of such an attractive work of art.

Frater POS, dances off singing "Happy Happy Joy Joy!"

Minor Changes

I've made some minor changes to the blog. I've changed some of the word colors to red strictly to highlight the fact that something is different. One is the 'follow me' widget. The other change is my email address is in the header with instructions on how to make it usable.

The stomach illness is still annoying me. I am all sorts of tired.

I have reread DuQuette's My Life with the Spirits. It has been so long, it was like reading it for the first time. I found some subtleties of magick that I would not have spotted during the first read so long ago. That made it a bit more fun.





(picture from: http://www.mediabistro.com/agencyspy/original/change.jpg)

Followers

I've added a new widget called "followers" for those that follow this space. Click on the link to become a known reader of the blog and to automatically add it to your blog's follow list. I did this because I saw a little green icon flash as I was writing today's post. The icon disappeared quickly. It may have indicated my one 'follower' was on at the time. When I added the widget I was thrilled that my follower is from Turkey!

I don't know why but I get a thrill at having international readers.

Here is what Blogger help says about following. There is more information here.

Do you have a favorite blog and want to let the author and readers know that you are a fan? Well now you can do that and more with the Blogger Following feature! You can even keep track of the blogs you follow via your Reading List on the Blogger dashboard.

How do I become a Follower of a blog?

There are several ways to become a follower of a blog. One of the easiest ways is to visit a blog that has added the Following widget and click on the "Follow this Blog" link under the "Followers" widget:

You'll then see a popup window with the options to either follow publicly or anonymously:

Spirits and Nutrition

I am still under the weather. I am going to work but basically crash when I get home. If I have energy tonight, I will spend it crafting my Pagan Pride Day speech on HGAs.

Something odd happened today. I had a donut during a training session. I normally don't eat donuts or haven't since I've been dieting. The trainer was irritatingly unprepared. I began to feel my irritation well up and called Asmodel. She appeared immediately but there was an issue. She said something like, "I can't do this when you eat like that." Yet, she was effective but in a way that felt different. I could not describe the difference except to say it was more masculine than her normal methods.

So, can nutrition effect the way a spirit can effect you? If I lose another twenty pounds will I get into contact with spirits I may not have been able to reach before. Will it bar me from others that prefer heftier humans?

I've never thought about it much but I do remember my HGA telling me my extra weight effects my psychology more than I know. Soon after commencing the diet plan, Asmodel arrived on the scene and calmed my fiery self. I have no idea if nutrition effects me enough to effect the way I deal with spirits or they with me. I will keep a note of this one and see if similar things happen.

I'd appreciate any comments on this one.

(donut image: http://cadonuts.com/donuts/)

Reaping the Benefits of Experimental Antinomianism

I've never been very decisive when it comes to life decisions. Often, I've accused myself of analysis paralysis which often leads to no decision at all. Unfortunately, life has a tendency to make choices for you when you refuse to make them on your own.

Without benefit of a segue, enter acts of antinomianism. Antinomianism is the belief that moral laws are relative in meaning and application as opposed to fixed or universal1. In this context, acts are just that. Actions that reveal the truth or falsity of such a theory.

My first act of experimental antinomianism was to get a tattoo. I don't know why I chose that but I know the lesson that followed was not foreseen. In today's society, getting a tattoo isn't rebellious or even frowned upon. Internally, a tattoo was out of my character, my rules, my morals. Rough guys had tattoos. I am not a rough guy. Blue collar guys get tattoos. I am not blue collar. Sailors get tattoos. I am not a sailor. In this context, these rules and 'morals' had no foundation. This I knew but there is a difference between knowing and knowing. Those who know, read the Bible and know that theft is bad. Often, they steal anyway. Those that know, aren't tempted to steal even if they once did because the intellectual belief has become manifest at the soul level.

For those of you that don't think stealing is wrong, fine. At the moment, I am speaking of those who do.

When it came to a tattoo, I didn't know why it was out of character or even why it was 'bad'. So, I thought about it. I turned the idea over and for me quite quickly decided to toss out my old rules an non applicable and decided upon becoming one with Isis. The search for the design commenced. Eventually, it came to me in a collage my mentor made for me as a birthday gift. Then hesitation set in. I wondered what would happen if I didn't like it? What would happen if it wasn't perfect? What would happen if I picked the wrong goddess? Then something snapped. I was tired of playing 'what if'. I had the picture altered a bit by the artist and went for it. The artist was impressed that my first tattoo was an 8 x 12 back piece.

I told no one but the future 'my gal' and vowed not to say a word until someone else noticed through natural events. This was another act of antinomianism for I have a big mouth. I see no reason not to say most things unless it violates another's privacy. So this was a change for me. I kept silent for a couple of months before someone noticed her wings peeking out from under a garment.

Again sans the segue, I've never understood why anyone cared about what went on in anyone else's life. Get a new stereo? Wonderful. Go the movies? Have a blast. If you want to express your joy, I will be happy to listen. But really, deep down, it doesn't effect me much. I'd still be your friend if I didn't know. So imagine my chagrin when people got mad that I didn't tell them? Actually mad. I learned people do care about what goes on in my life. I know this but I don't know why.

So why write about this now? The tattoo ties into the very expensive thing my HGA directed me to buy. The lesson of the tattoo was learning to make a decision about something big without worrying about being wrong. The design of the expensive thing is mine as I understand the concept of what it represents at this moment. I created that design without a single 'what if'. As my understanding grows, I may look at this bobble as an embarrassingly quaint but I will know it is a vitally important marker on my journey.

Sick Today

There is not much to write about except the twist in my stomach and energy seeping from my limbs.

Blog Goal

Goal

I have noticed over the life of this blog that I've received questions or comments both on and off line that reveal I am not fully clarifying my thoughts. Part of the reason for that is that this blog originated as personal diary. Yet, this is a very public personal thing.

Therefore I will be making an effort to fully clarify my thoughts as I write. This will make the writing more of a challenge and more time consuming. My goal is to make the blog more interesting and bring in even more constructive comments. As I like my thoughts to be challenged, I just want them to be challenged for what they are rather than what I fail to communicate. The effort will result, or so I hope, in improving my writing skills. There has long been the dream in me to write a book or two or three but besides the persistent dream only sporadic efforts have been made. Hopefully, this will continue that work in a more consistent manner.

Thanks

To those that have posted recommending books or techniques, thank you. While I don't always comment on them, I do remember them. I think it was the Alchemist that advised memorizing the divine names through tree meditations rather than brute memorization. That one I took to heart though I haven't practiced it yet. I often get ideas like that from my mentor that I use at a much later date. The latest recommendation to look at Lon's work while I learn Enochian will be taken as well. Lon is very influential in my Work and is sort of an emergency mentor. When there is something that is out of my mentor's area of expertise or I want a second opinion I turn to Lon. He has always been very gracious with his time. He is one of the good guys.

Mercy Me!

I am a hard ass, certifiable to the nth degree.

I have no patience with human stupidity or a failure to admit what you already know. You choose to rob a bank, fine. Off to jail with you. Lie about it on the stand and I'd add twenty years to your original five for being too much of a wimp to acknowledge publicly what you already know inside. That goes for high crimes, misdemeanors and every other aspect of life.

The only person I'm harder than the rest of the world is me. Though very few people know that because I beat myself up in the privacy of my own brain.

Lately, things are different.

So, you used the Fresno State Student Association Credit Card and "accidentally" bought alcoholic drinks for people in your party. I can see how that could happen. Try to run someone down with a car, knowing what else is going on in the person's life, I can understand that. Poke a badger with a spoon? Ah, you must have been traumatized by a duck billed platypus as a child.

Mmm. I am not used to this stuff. Feeling this way is both an emotional relief and a bit annoying. A relief because being more understanding takes some pressure off the back of my brain that I didn't know was there. Annoying because, well, she tried to kill someone with her car and I say, "Oh, that is what happened. Poor girl." What the heck? Has all common sense left me?

I will find someone to blame for this outrage making me merciful!

(Officer Hard Ass picture from: http://www.cscoa.org/Images/officer%5B1%5D.hard.ass2.jpg)

The Expensive Coincidence

I found it odd that at each step during the process of deciding to follow the lead of my HGA and buying that expensive tool that a corresponding step towards that promotion occurred. I asked myself, how can I afford to pay for that? Immediately, I am told of the possibility of promotion. I decide to contact the company. The same day, the promotion is confirmed but the timing is not. I send the company the money and the raise is confirmed retroactive by a day. Coincidence? I think not.

Yet, my mentor tells me that he thinks I am dealing with a 'reflection of my HGA'. I'd love to argue with him but he's been proven right on the long term so often that I can't. The man has more than earned the benefit of any doubt. Yet, I have very little reason to doubt this contact besides some stray conversations that fit into my weak etheric body theory that I've previously commented upon.

I look it at this way, who cares? If my mentor is wrong and this is as good as it gets, things are pretty damn good. If he is right and there is so much more than this reflection, wow that is pretty damn gooder! I can't loose.

Wisdom dictates I follow the lead of my mentor that got me here and follow my own lead of consistent hard work. Which means I have to add Enochian to my studies. But I, he who is never happy with anything, am pretty happy with my magickal skill set for the first time in my life. I finally get content and then he pushes for more. I will do it. I am not complaining. The irony is just so apparent that I have to comment on it.

Sigils

My Gal is taking a high end math class. She came home one day and pointed out that in math a circle that begins a line denotes a line with no origin and tied that to classic sigil creation. Note the classical style sigil in the picture. It is drawn with the beginning marked with a 'no origin' symbol.

You cabalists out there may recognize a link between this and three veils of negative existence Ain (No Thing), Ain Soph (Limitlessness), Ain Soph Aur (Limitless Light).

Can the style of these sigils be taken to imply or mean that the magick emanates from the absolute source? I don't know what our predecessors meant by using this form. However, I will know what I mean the next time I draw one.

(sigil from: http://astroqab.com/jacobwheel/images/designs/vahoiel_sigil_line.gif)
(tree of life with veils: http://uk.geocities.com/rolamelhem@btinternet.com/Treeoflife.gif)

Pain Days

The last two days have been incredibly painful physically. With the weight loss my daily issues have considerably improved but not over the last few days. When a full viciden leaves me wanting more hours before I'm allowed another dose, I am in a bad way. That being said, I have not been in a bad mood at all which is good.

Though, this may make my posts shorter for a while and with a bit less active magickal work.

My promotion officially went through yesterday. I am amazed at how quickly things I used to take for granted become incredibly important. The perspective change is not only healthy but makes work more interesting and more challenging. So far so good during the honeymoon period.

The Four Kerubs and Enochian Reading

Death!

Last week I was a little slow with posts. So, today there are two. And still for that low low price of completely free.

As previously mentioned, I am going to work with the other three kerubic angels. The next on my list is Scorpio. Given that there are three symbols for Scorpio, I thought I'd look them up to be familiar with their forms. I chose Duquette's Understanding Thoth Tarot for no other reason that I knew there was a brief run down when describing the Death card.

The 'base' form of death is scorpion. So viewed because people used to believe that when confronted by danger, the critter would commit suicide. One doesn't need to think too hard to see some emotional corollaries there. Though the text points out that this is an example of being willing to die i.e. change when the environment becomes intolerable.

Next comes the serpent, Lord of Life and Death undulating between the two phases.

Then the serpent and followed by the highest eagle representing exaltation above matter.

What good will this scant knowledge do me when I invoke the astrological angel? I have no idea but I felt a strong need to look things up in that particular book. So, I did. Stay tuned to these pages to find out if this came into play.

Mentor

I failed to mention that my mentor also encouraged me to start learning Enochian. My emotional reaction to that is indifference. However, I have started reading Practical Angel Magic of Dr John Dee's Enochian Tables by Skinner and Rankine. Expect more than one post on what I find there. All I can say at this point is that I found the introduction to be readable and easy to understand.

(Thoth Death card from: http://altreligion.about.com/library/graphics/crowley/14.jpg)

A Lack of Will and Binding Results

Lack of Will

Last night, I dreamed that I was walking down a very long street in a business district. The place was not new but there was a cleanliness that struck me. I suppose that thought made me lucid. My first thought full astral projection. I moved down the street at a faster clip and began to feel that familiar vibration but not enough. I thought to myself about why I wasn't 'taking off'. I came up with nothing.

That leads me to this. Today, I was IMing with a friend that was puzzled about why his experiment with herbs would not burn. While I have no doubt there is a physical reason, I immediately moved to the subjective and wondered if he really had the will or desire to work this spell as fire is representative of those things. He said he had no great desire. It was simply an experiment with herbs.

Oddly, at the same time, I was burning copal for the same reason. I wanted to know what it smelled like. I then moved on to some Chinese amber for the same reason. The heat melted the amber into a liquid pool but nothing happened. The charcoal had gone out. This is an odd coincidence. Looking back at my astral projection last night, the same problem occurred. There was really no will or desire to go anywhere or accomplish anything. This is why I remained grounded.

Saturn Binding

For various reasons I will not go into here, I think the Saturn binding I did went quite well. So did the clean-up of the temple space. You may remember that I admitted my behavior was part of the problem. So, as I cleaned up the wax, I repeated the mantra that went something like this, As I lift up this stain, I cleanse myself of this trait. The setting was most appropriate given that this was done in my most private space, a space representative of my personal alchemy and one could argue my soul. What better place to remove the stains of the self? What better way to acknowledge the binding, while necessary, also reflected a need within?

Adept Time and Life in General

Time with my Adept

Adept time is an interesting thing. When one is new to the initiatory journey and in the middle of deconstruction life can seem very dark indeed. It is amazing how much relief can be gained from merely being in the vicinity of the adept. The peace pervades and reminds you of why you took these drastic steps. Over time, the frequency of time needed decreases but it is still pleasant to be around your initiator and guide.

Last week, I had a chance to just that. We went over a project that I've very vaguely mentioned in this space but more importantly had a chat about other things. One of those things was the direction of my future work. Though, I must admit it was fun being on the same page with him BEFORE he started talking. This is a relatively new phenomena.

The first bit of work will be calling the other four kerubic angels. My HGA suggested and I thought it a good idea. My only concern was with how loud and consistently Asmodel appears. One of the potential problems with the goetia is obsession. If you see in this space, consistent and daily references to goetic work, you can bet my mentor will be contacting me and attempting to pull my head out of my ass or not as he sees fit at the time. Along those lines, I was concerned about becoming obsessed with the angels. His response is that he has never seen that. The usual problem is moral self-righteousness. Fortunately, I've never had that problem.

I will pause briefly to allow those who know me to stop laughing.

He advised me to continue working with angels and other spirits and even suggested the Almadel of Magick. I am pretty sure that he's never worked that one. So the suggestion is a bit puzzling.

We seem to be on the same page with the expensive project and the promotion being linked.

I have been mildly concerned with my HGA contact. I've seen some ego slipping in and a 'too close' meeting of the minds. By that I mean that his view on things is way to close to standards I've always held. My mentor agreed and particularly agreed with the specific example I gave and suggested what I am dealing with is a reflection of my HGA. In this case, I think he is both right and wrong.

My theory is that I have contact but my etheric body remains week. So, when I first speak with him, I get clear communication. When the etheric body gets tired, the ability for me to translate what he is saying becomes poor. It is always the end of conversations that result in questionable communications.

Though, there were some things that I have heard that he was quite pleased by and I think somewhat surprised.

Life of Late

Life has been a bit difficult. I've had some back issues after a long period of respite. I also expect to be incredibly busy for the next week or so. The Equinox is approaching. I am working on my Pagan Pride Day speech making significant progress today and I have to work on that project of my adepts to get it completed. Not to mention, the promotion will take up some time. I feel good about myself but I have an odd sense of tired that will not go away.

Last night, I stood under the full moon and felt how it affects me. I have no words to describe the emotion except uncomfortable pleasantness.

Last night, we were Joe's coven meeting. There was a beautiful part where Joe spoke of the adoption of his wife's daughter. Funny thing about Joe's coven. No matter how often I attend, something always gets in my eyes. There is such a simple beauty, love and trust in what they do. One can not help but be moved.

A Change in Tone

Today proved interesting. I had to go into a meeting full of hostile folks each with their ax to grind. Others in the meeting were just there to get to work, do their jobs and go home. Frankly, I have much more respect for them as the rest can't see past their own ax. Worse yet, the ax is usually aimed at someone rather than the task at hand.

In years past, I'd take the bait when someone made some disparaging remark. This time, I conjured Asmodel as I walked down the hall. I was calm. I contributed when I needed to and then walked away just after the person leading the meeting asked for written perspectives. I wrote mine after consultation with a coworker and made a very peaceful and logical case for one perspective while not shutting out the others or saying "of course".

This is a serious victory for the angry Leo when confronted by questionable logic and hidden agendas. I usually just call bullshit in no uncertain terms. I never cared if it is an elected official or a clerk. I may gain a little more traction this way.

Other Stuff

Over the week's business trip, I did see my mentor and will blog on that sometime soon.

At the last weigh in I gained .5 pounds and this week will be worse with all the hotel food. But that is okay, someone at work noticed I was dropping weight today.

(picture from: http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-18489023.jpg?size=572&uid=%7B53CA3A14-D164-4922-A8F3-520B7EABF83A%7D)

The Golden Blind

Jason Miller made a nice post about the difference between transcendental and worldly gods here. Within that article he says that an unnamed scholar claims that the problem with the Golden Dawn is that the assumption of god forms by its members reflected the eternal conflicts within the mythos of the pantheon.

I disagree.

The first reason being that in a lodge the ritual work can be rotated thus diluting the problem. Secondly, the famed Whare Ra temple used the same ritual officers in the same rolls for decades and, from my limited knowledge, did not self-destruct into flaming ego balls roasting over a fallen altar.

The problem with the GD is in its final test. Eventually, the magician reaches Geburah in all its martial glory. At this point, the magician has no initiators but himself. If others are present that same hierophantal relationship no longer exists. It is up to the magician to be his own reconciler. Fail the test and find yourself in the midst of apocalyptic visions and martial pissing contests. Fireballs at twenty paces! Unfortunately, the failures can be famous. They can even retain followers and attract new converts as a 6=5 is more than a force to be reckoned with.

The successes tend to be much quieter in Chesed. They, as Jason Miller might say, have quested and are now building their castles as a base for the rest of the Work. Last I checked, building one's castle can be pretty difficult if you're constantly creating the din of battle. They Work in silence and reflect That which can only be expressed in silence.

This is not merely the test of the 7=4 aspirant but the would-be neophyte. If all he can see is the fearsome failures he'll find nothing more in Golden Dawn or its off shoots. In this, s/he makes two very large misses.

The first is that someone went from neophyte to 6=5. This should be honored even if the honoree doesn't appear to be deserving of the slightest respect or in deep need of some ludes. A lot of success goes into making a 6=5 failure.

The second miss is that the future 7=4 is building his castle. Here is the potential for a spiritual master. Here is the adept quietly, nearly secretly, leading the way. Here is the model of the spiritual work that can be found in no book ancient or modern, a model that can not be found within the Golden Dawn or any order or religion, a model that can only be fashioned within. Within, the Universe resides.

The Golden Dawn has it famous failures but such are just as much of a blind to those that will not see as the radiant light of Ain Soph Aur is to those that fail to seek its source.

(Castle picture: http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/main/w-008636-bodiamcastle-misty_castle-gallery_picture)

Apology to Jason

I was unable to respond to your comment on my post about blogs as I was out of town. The interceding post was auto scheduled. I tried to do more advanced writing but only had time for the one.

At any rate, my apologies for misrepresenting your blog. As you stated it is about Khabbalah, Buddhism, Christianity, Ceremonial Magick, rootwork and all sorts of other thing. Either way, I highly recommend it.

The Beauty of Your Truth

I post a lot about my HGA and what he says to me. For those that already have contact with their HGA, Genuis, Daimon or whatever they call their spirit, this is probably no big deal. Though, for those of you that don't have this yet, it would be a really bad idea to use my experience as a guide. Things may not happen for you like they did for me. It has been my experience that my HGA speaks to me in a manner I can understand at the time. As I grow, he may say the same thing to me in a different way. Taking what I write or don't write as a standard would be problematic at best. I am learning what is the truth for me not anyone else.

This is why revealed religions cause so many problems. It is difficult if not impossible to carry someone else's truth. To do that you have to live to standards meant for someone else and for which you are not equipped. Find your own truth and live that to its fullest and most beautiful conclusion.

Readership and Blogs

Please forgive this Leo for a small ego trip and shameless self-promotion.

This blog was started five months ago. Since that time the readership has grown to over forty subscribers and, if this week's average is to be believed, 119 article reads a day. That works out to over 3,500 a month! Oddly enough that is the size of the high school I attended. Last month this same period averaged 95 article reads a day. Those numbers generally exclude bots and news aggregators. I believe I have seen regular readership from the United States, Canada, Columbia, France, and Great Britain. There have been some appearances from the Russia and Ireland as well. Those last two may be more regular than I think. To see them pop up, I have to check www.feedburner.com early in the morning. This little blog isn't going to compete with CNN or BBC any time soon but it is fun to watch the readership grow.

Those of you in the Central Valley of California may want to drop by at this year's Fresno Pagan Pride event, Saturday October 4, 2008. I don't know the time slot yet but I will be speaking there on the topic of the Holy Guardian Angel.

If you like what you've read here and haven't clicked on any of the blogs listed on the right, you may want to check them out. The best writer of the bunch is WitchDoctorJoe. The blog most like this space is Head for Red. Strategic Sorcery is about non-Wicca witchcraft and is very educational to boot. This fellow puts us all to shame as he has one book published and another on the way. The My Gal mentioned in this space has a blog here that shares her unique blend of Piscean Thelemic Druidic magic and gardening. Practically Magic is written by a "Judeo-Pagan" and has been sporting some cool images of her outdoor temple space of late.

Thanks for reading.

Long HGA Chat

Yesterday, I was in intense pain. I also had a long chat with my HGA on various topics. I will summarize what was said.

His voice seemed very different but I had all the other signs that I had the right spirit. Apparently, he was in a bad mood. I was taken aback by this as it never occurred to me that HGA's had moods. My back pain had angered him. His analogy was that the feeling is like being in a room with a very upset person. For humans, that upset can be contagious. My back pain effects him in the same way.

One theory of HGA's is that they are completely separate beings from ourselves. If so, how can my pain effect him like this? Addressing the issue of him being a separate being from myself he said without words, "It is complicated."

I wondered how my pain medication effects him. He said it doesn't but then offered this interesting tidbit that covered both the separate entity issue and drugs. According to him, one of the reasons that drug addicts fall so far is that the heavy recreational drugs so disturb the HGA that they have to withdrawal. The process is equivalent of having a brain damaged three year old that hits you with a hammer. Eventually, the parent must separate from the child. Any human can understand the pain any parent would experience in that situation. His use of that analogy tells me that as humans we can cause our HGAs a great deal of pain and trauma. Considering the sheer numbers of humans that turn away from their own souls, the general population of HGA spirits must live in as much pain as humans do. This is such a sad thought.

What about drugs that are said to awaken one's spirituality like LSD? He said those often chemically mimic a true spiritual experience and that the effect fools people into thinking something deeply spiritual has occurred. After some back and forth, he admitted there can be such a fine line between the drug induced spiritual experience and the real thing that distinguishing the two doesn't really matter. That isn't his entire perspective. I am putting some words in his mouth here but I think his attitude is that the drug induced spiritual experience can be very helpful but he doesn't wholly approve. At some point, I will question him on the subtleties of his point of view.

Regarding my experience with Asmodel, he told me that I should invoke the other kerubs as well. I have had some internal questions lately about having spirits change my personality for me. My thought was that the alchemical process should be mine alone. He said there are certain things one can not change but the mere recognition of that fact and the willingness to do something, even if it is seemingly external, is the Work. I would have argued with him but I couldn't find a reason.

He told me in no uncertain terms that I should not have done the binding. His argument was that you can't bind other people for reacting to one's own issues. I explained that I have been working on that issue but, in this case, the other person consciously or not was using my issues to further her drama. He still didn't care. I then explained the potential mundane fallout of this person going on about it to others in the workplace. He then agreed the spell wasn't a problem and admitted that he doesn't necessarily understand mundane implications. Towards the end of this conversation snippet, he took on the feel of my mentor. I don't like it when he does that because it makes my critical mind wonder if I am making up the conversation to sooth myself. However, in this case he took that form of emotion to comfort me and show me that he wasn't upset with me.

Yesterday, I had the idea that, after recharging Bune's seal according to Asmodel's instructions, of taking Bune's seal to various locations and showing him specifically what I need from him. This thought was inspired by Frater RO's comments on the topic of Bune. The scenario flitted through my mind during this conversation. My HGA called Bune and vibrated a word simultaneously. The sound reminded me of a the short blast of an air horn. The word sounded like Sheshat, an Egyptian god-form, but I was assured that was not the meaning. I asked him if he just commanded Bune directly. He said he did. Bune just stood there. I asked why Bune simply stood their motionless. "I have not released him yet." Sometimes, the obvious answers make me feel a bit foolish.

There are all sorts of implications to my HGA directly ordering my spirits about. I will contemplate those at a later time.

I left the conversation feeling somewhat disorientated but in a very peaceful sort of way and went straight to bed. I had two disturbing dreams in which My Gal was being separated from me by armed men. In one dream, I could not leave a recently invaded island. And in another, someone had broken into a home and held her hostage. In neither dream did I feel any imminent danger to either of us. Only upon waking would I label them disturbing.

(conversation image from: http://thepaisano.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/conversation.jpg)

Criminal Witchcraft?

As reported earlier, I picked up Paul Huson's Mastering Witchcraft. I found Huson after reading Jason Miller's excellent book, Protection and Reversal Magick. Mastering Witchcraft is in the bibliography of that work.

Despite my opinion of Jason's book, I was not impressed with Huson. I put Mastering Witchcraft down after reading it halfway through.

Several things made this work incompatible with my world view. The first was referring to the target of a spell as 'the victim'. This wording was even used when discussing seduction magick. If you're trying to get laid and refer to your potential partner as a victim, I'd say it is pretty likely you're a predator. At the very least, you probably have no respect for the other person involved. Words matter. He flatly says engaging in sex is the first duty of a witch. I'd not follow a god or goddess that took such a disrespectful/near rape coupling as an offering. This wasn't some sort of BDSM kinky "near rape" thing, the word 'victim' applies.

I found one portion laughable -- the large chapter on seduction magick. Magickally, he says to add this and that to the food of your 'victim' and to get the person (a word he doesn't use) to look into a charged bobble. He then goes on to suggest that very mundane activities such as low candle light, looking someone in the eye, preparing his favorite food, and giving him some alcohol are part of the magick. Frankly, if you did everything in this elaborate seduction scene and left out all of the so-called magick, you'd have just as good a chance of getting laid and probably better. Most people I know have a 'creep-o-meter' that would have gone off long before Huson and his ilk got into anyone's pants. While I agree mundane settings can enhance what you do as a magician/witch, this was the equivalent of calling the act putting a key in an ignition part of magickal act of driving to work in the morning. Give me a break.

Before my reader thinks that I believe using magick to gain a partner either for the night or for life is immoral, let me put that to rest here. There is simply an underlying creep factor to this book that makes my blood run cold.

There was nothing about self-exploration or building relationships with the gods. It is rare to read a theurgic book without some reference to thaumaturgy. I assumed that reading about thaumaturgy would at least contain some reference to theurgy but no. This book never even asked you to explore why you want this particular victim in your bed.

I did read some words regarding making offerings but these referred to quid pro quo activities not what solid friendships/relationships are made of -- as above so below. Even though I think those offerings and interactions would eventually lead to relationships and spiritual integration that is not the point of Huson's work. I can't place my finger on any wording that lead me to this conclusion but his interaction with gods bordered on disrespectful.

His work is about controlling others to meet your basest needs. Others may find that appealing, I do not.

I do recognize that there is no part of me that is not of the gods. That would include base wants and desires. However, that doesn't mean we have to pander to such things in such a violent manner. By violent, I mean actions that take place with no consideration whatsoever about their effect on the 'victim'. Shudder.

Please Note:

I believe Jason found this work to be influential and it may have been in his early years. Yet I can not imagine the present day Jason having such a negative or even such a "non-thought" attitude regarding a potential lover, even if that lover was a one night stand. I mean no disrespect to Jason by panning something he found useful.

I also recognize that the buzzword victim may have soured my attitude to this writer that I may have missed other useful things. But as I said above, words do matter. I did make an earlier post about his ideas for using a kamea that I did like.

Black Work - Saturn

I almost got aggressive last night and did some serious magick against someone. Like I said last night, I just don't do that sort of thing often. I settled for sealing her words that they harm me not.

In a nut shell, I did the following:

• First Degree Opening as outlined in John Michael Greer's Circles of Power
• Used my rainbow wand to invoke Saturn using the divine names of the planet
• Got nervous. Over what, I have no idea.
• I rolled up her email that started the problem and tied six strings, one for each direction around her words.
• I made the mistake of cutting 3 inch strings to correspond with the number of Saturn. This made them hard to tie and the knot dubious.
• I followed that mistake by using the wax from my one black candle to 'glue' the threads in place. This resulted in wax falling on my candle holder which in turn made it no longer a flat surface. You guessed it, I have black wax on my temple floor. Did I mention it has a white carpet?
• With each string, I said "I seal the words of X so they do me no harm, may they find nothing but a dark ever rolling abyss formless luminous and void."
• The normal banishings followed.

I take the wax spill and nervousness to mean that I still have a frustration issue to do deal with. Actually, it isn't even that, everyone gets frustrated at work. I just need to do so quieter.

At the meeting today, which included her boss. I looked good. She took a shot but it sounded pathetic. No one said a word to her comment, her words fell flat.

Of What Value Masks?

Speaking of fire and the value of spirits doing work for you, I am pissed.

I had a co-worker deliberately seek out drama today and I bit. I didn't bite too hard but the political fallout may be problematic. We'll see. I am SO SO SO tempted to bottle her up with a binding. My first thought was to get her canned but that is a bit extreme. I normally do not do such things. By not normally, I mean next to never. I am not sure how to handle this spiritually or magickally.

However, though Asmodel has been fine in keeping me very balanced, in control, patient and funny, her calmness did not withstand a direct frontal assault. So, is her calmness of benefit to me spiritually? Maybe, if it conditions me to be calmer. Maybe not if it is just a mask.

(mask image from: http://darmano.typepad.com/logic_emotion/images/mask.jpg)

My Fire

Frater RO blogged here about what he sees as the death of a Yahoo list. Without commenting on the personalities involved, I do agree with RO that the high noise ratio on that list is tiresome.

I'd like to brag about my Yahoo group, which is for magicians local to my area, but it has been deader than Abraham Lincoln for some time and no one shot it in the head.

The only reason I am even bothering to comment on RO's post is because it resonated with my Work of late. I don't think I've been concerned as much as advancing spiritually as I should. I am enjoying the peace brought to me by Asmodel but not working with it in any way except trying to keep the peace from slipping away.

Once when I felt the old me coming back, I asked Asmodel why I couldn't change myself. Why can't I put out the burning fire? He said that is like being a river and wanting not to be wet. My fire is the 9th card on a Celtic Cross spread, hopes and fears. My fire is my pure driving force and my downfall. Asmodel tends the fire and keeps it smoldering but will not extinguish the flame. Fair enough.

Is having a spirit do something for you the Work? Does that calmness represent a new form of purity or simply a mask? The mask is functional at work. In the long run though, does the mask serve a spiritual purpose?

The positive side of Asmodel experience is that I do understand the difference between active and passive will. One of the reasons my relationship with my mentor is successful is that he is very patient yet unmovable at the same time. I realized this about a week before encountering Asmodel.

I want more. I want absolute and complete unity. I want to touch to souls and heal their pains. I want to help people lift themselves up. Yet very little of my personality is suited for such things.


(Picture from: http://www.appliancist.com/john-t-unger-portable-fire-pits.jpg)

Promotion! A Rethought Dream - A New Dream

Today, I called the place to order the very expensive item I was directed to buy and consecrate by my HGA. Not so coincidentally, I received a call from my boss today telling me I will definitely be promoted. For those of you whom regularly read this space, Bune says he had nothing to do with it except making sure that, "It didn't not happen."

A week or so I posted this. If you haven't read it this next line won't make any sense. In that dream, I think the sign may have been held for the person I felt but wasn't there. The difference between her and the others I dealt with in the past is that she is a priestess instead of priestesses 'to be.'

Part of doing this Work is not resting with your first conclusions. Hence the need to write it all down and reread it once in a while. Preconceived notions are the work of the hinderer.

Two nights ago, I had a dream. I was with my coworker R and we were in a mountainous region. It was bright and sunny day. We were there for work only not. We were tourists. We walked into a deep cave with other tourists and she (R) walked over to a section of the cave that was lighted like a museum display. Behind class was dirt than had gone undisturbed for a very long time. R shouted after reading the plaque, "It says the bodies were buried in Washington State!" She was excited about that. The thought scared me.

We descended further and ran into walls of iron bars straight out of an old western jail. You could see wall after all of bars but it was also obvious that one could easily walk the maze and descend into the bowels of the mountain. No one else was there. I got scared and we left.

I found myself back with R in the daylight. We were in a mountain city like Lake Tahoe only this was older and nicer.

I feel this was an initiatory dream that I failed. Had I been 'ready', I'd have descended. Had I been lucid, I would have known what this was and gone for it. Fear does not stop me when I have a moment to think about it.

(Dollar sign from: http://axelstudios.com/files/money.jpg)
(Jail from: http://beautifycnmi.blogspot.com/2007/04/old-japanese-jail.html)

Sublime Simplicity

My gal posted about a rite of passage we participated in this weekend. She said a bunch of things that I planned on saying. Just as well, she did a better job.

On a personal magickal level, I was pleased because I found the frequency they operate on by searching through my database of knowledge until something clicked. Fun. That was just an aside because the night was not about me at all. It was about love and family religion.

Years ago, my mentor would sit me down in his temple space and talk. Later, he let me watch him talk to someone else. I sat quietly in a corner and was struck by the fact that this is the way the mysteries have been taught for thousands of years, one person teaching one person--the simplicity beautiful.

A year or two back, I had the privilege of attending a Gnostic Mass held in a converted garage. The space was awesome but we had be quiet lest the neighbors would get wind of what was happening in their midst. This is how Christianity began. Small groups of people worshiping in secret. I am sure new religious movements have started like this for ages. The cycle repeats.

At the Wiccaning this weekend, I was struck again by the religion of old. Not the "Olde Religion" (i.e. Wicca pretending to be ancient religion since 1958) but old in the cyclic sense. Here was one man, the leader of his family. Who understands what he teaches to his family. Who practices what he teaches to his family. Who lives a spiritual life with his family.

There is no building or space to pay for other than what they already have. There is no congregation of moral observers looking for a gossip inspiring slip-up. There is no collection plate.

Isn't this what religion should be? Beautiful in its simplicity.'

picture from: (http://www.worstedwitch.com/pix/2006/08/13/stones.jpg)