Why I Heal

Yvonne asked in the comments to yesterday's post, "I am seeing a lot magicians who have the power but it is all about themselves. Why is the path of the selfless Healer the road less travelled?"

Ego is my answer and ego isn't necessarily bad thing.

The ego is built on childhood. For instance, I have never met a man that was neglected by his father that wasn't promiscuous at some point in his life.   Promiscuous  isn't a pejorative term. It just describes sexual behavior. I am not sure if that is because that helps them feel manly when a father never did but I do see the pattern. A person that has not outgrown this will make decisions based up on that ego-need.

(please do not argue with me about you being the exception to the above)

Men that were beaten by their parent or watched the physical abuse of one parent by another often fall into the role as the abuser. The girl that identifies with the victim often becomes one. I think this is because we internalize that these things are how we play our our gender roles.

The above is not healthy on the surface. Cosmically? Who knows? What if those roles are what cause us to learn what we are supposed to learn or do what we are supposed to do?

In my case, I grew up outside, I do not mean outdoors. I mean outside of people, social circles etc. I never fit. I remember as a child stating I was not loved and told to "be quite!" by my father. My mother, though kindly, said the same. I remember as a fourth grader my two friends having girlfriends, they french kissed in the back seat of the bus as we went to school. I had no girl. Nor, did I know why anyone wanted to do that. I did feel left out. These patterns persisted in life.

I say this not for sympathy but to answer the question.

When I first found out about magick my first thought was that if it was true, I could find out if God existed. Now, I have learned God is alive, gods exist, spirits influence us, magick is real and there is much more in heaven and earth than the average Horatio can imagine.

So to what use would my ego drive me to put such knowledge? Well, to be inside of course. I have a drive to unity, oneness, wholeness. The drive to unity with the Universe has taken my along a route that has given me a measure of unity with others. One cannot be more unified with a human than moving along his blood vessels. One cannot be more unified with a human that feeling her pain, from within, owning it as one's own and letting it go. Healing both human and healer. I suppose too, the Universe, just a little.

This is the work I do because my life led me to it. There is no more virtue to it than any other way of life.

Some magicians are about power over others. Likely, their lives have taken them along a path that allows that to make sense. I do not understand. Some magicians are about finding sex (see above) because such as been their life path. Some magicians fight for the environment, peace, causing pain, war, love, hate, being a guardian, exclusivity, alchemy or a host of other things.  These may not be so horrible or so good at any one moment to any one person at any one time.

My life has lead me to develop the nature and skill to heal. I earned that skill through pain and illness. I use that skill to help others. Yet, there should be no mistake that my use of that is by nature no different than the proverbial scorpion that stings the turtle halfway across the river. It is who I am and who I was meant to be.

I believe this is true for all others, at all times, in all aspects. One cannot be otherwise. In this is the mystery of mysteries.