A Different Sort of Day

This has been an interesting day. There is nothing earth shattering to report. 

Healing

Last night, I tried to go to my pre-diabetic friend and was immediately 'told' not to go. The impression I got was that his body could not take two such healings back to back. I do not understand why. His glucose level rose to 160 this morning. That may have been my lack of healing work or a slight change in his diet. 

I knew I was supposed to work on someone. So, I went through my list. I got 'no', 'no', 'no'. Finally, I started naming people I have never worked on. One got a very loud yes. This is not someone I'd approach without asking at all. I always ask. I would REALLY ask this person but I was drawn. I carefully did my work and departed. 

Today

I felt three bouts of sadness from three different people. These were LOUD. I reached out in support via conventional means. The feelings did not linger in me. 

More Healing

I am scheduled to perform a healing again tonight. 

Attainment and Life

Last night, I did the Manifestation Meditation twice.

The first was for a friend I am treating for prediabetic symptoms. His glucose levels are very high. Not long ago I sat him next to a healthy person and used astral vision to see how insulin was processed by his body as compared to a healthy person. I saw a yellow membrane around blood vessels that was preventing movement of what I perceived to be insulin from the blood vessels to the body. In the healthy person, that barrier was obviously permeable.

Twice now I have made the barrier more permeable for my friend. Twice the glucose levels dropped ten to twenty percent. Last night, something happened. Instead of looking at just one area, I willed that all the yellow membrane be more permeable. The insulin I saw as a near torquoise blue that was so beautiful as it seeped through the membrane. His entire body lit up and then I saw the Sunrise within his heart. It was flipping awesome.

Today, he reports that he awoke with his blood sugar at 105, nearly 100 points from its high and very near healthy range. I have committed to several days of consecutive work on him trying to make the changes permanent.

My Meditation

Once again, I did the MM for myself and simply asked for the next lesson. I was was told that  I needed a higher perspective or a high viewpoint, something like that. I was then shown an oblong white egg of light. Egg only describes the shape. It was vertically stretched to make it look less like an egg. the base was a bit above my groin and the top was just below my heart.

I quickly realized this was my life perspective. I had a girlfriend once that said I was the best man she had ever known because I always tried to do the right thing. The last part was certainly right. I have always tried. The right thing was contained within this egg. My frustration with others is they can't or won't see what is right, at least according to my perspective but that isn't what this was about at all.

I was given a choice. I could accept or not accept a different perspective. Yeah, some choice. GO!

The egg rose until the base was at heart level and the tip...was somewhere...at the third eye or above my head. It was hard to tell.

Suddenly, I was upon a desert cliff. The sand was reddish but not otherworldly so. There were a few small struggling plants that were more of a suggestion of plant life than anything else and a...sound. I often write about hearing on the astral. When I do I am speaking of things that sound like thoughts only they are not my normal thoughts. Or, in the case of Hermes or the Helpful Deity what I hear is the the voice of the 'other' but it resonates as a thought. This time I heard the waterfall just like you'd hear one in the mundane. The only difference was that it wasn't as loud as it should have been. I knew that was my hearing ability. If I had full presence up there, I would have heard it in full.

I was in some version of Aztiluth or a lower reflection of Atziluth...the world of creation...of fire. The water was the creation of water that is the world of Briah...Unity. I may have been in these microcosmic spaces or more likely I was seeing the landscapes of my soul.

I walked along the cliffs. I looked down at the water falling below me and I never saw a pool below. It just kept going. I was treated to several views of the fall, above, from a side angle and from the opposite cliff. I have no idea how I came to be on the opposite cliff. I was able to move across the chasm at will.

Last night, I dreamed I ate the world's best pizza. It was full of flavor and it was a delight. I have no idea what that has to do with anything but it was odd to have a dream where I experienced taste.

Today, from my different perspective the following happened...

I advised someone like I never have before. I saw the truth of her situation so clearly. Unfortunately, I am not sure I was of practical use but she saw the truth too.

Two opportunities popped up out of nowhere. One of them is certainly an opportunity worth pursuing though it would not bring all that much change. The other is a life changer of huge proportions. There was something in the meditation that told me to accept the coming change and its perspective. I think the latter may be it.

This just may be a serious ride.

The Epiphany Post Re: The Very Bad Thing

A good friend of mine reads this space. She has watched me struggle writing this post. Last night, she sent me a text message. It read: "Please know you have it right when you identified 1) that you didn't deserve to be treated unfairly when 2) others in a position of authority willingly compromised their own impartiality and 3) that the third person willing and possibly intentionally prevented you from peace."

Note: When I proofread this, I noticed I mistyped a word in item 3. I wrote persona instead of person. That may be significant.

I do not think I talked about this enough with her for her to have surmised that. I damn well know I never mentioned item 3. Those were the words I needed to write this. The words were more neutral than I would have written. That was part of the problem. I am going to use her template in sharing this rather than the full history approach I was trying to use. I have become so sick of this topic that repeating it one more time is simply impossible.

1) that you didn't deserve to be treated unfairly

After the very bad thing occurred, the people I considered friends, mentors and covenmates held a trial. On the surface both the woman and I were on trial. The plausible deniability so shoddily crafted fell apart immediately when everyone in the room including the woman in question were handed transcripts of my private email conversations with the coven leader. His movements were like dance as he handed them out. He sat with a satisfied impish smile. The transcripts he said were 'cropped to make me as good as possible.' Right. That is why I never handed a copy and her words were never shared with me.

The court, which included my GD mentor, ruled that I was to be banished from the coven for 90 days but I was never told why. Instead I was told, "do not think about it." There was a lot of other things that happened that I will not go into. However, this caused a major internal conflict for me.

The crux it was this. How could these people whom I cared for and in the case of my GD mentor deeply trusted do such a thing? Obviously, I deserved it. Obviously, I was so corrupt, such a bad human being, so disrespected that they could justify their actions. These things they saw in me had to be so horrific, so ungodly, so corrupt that they could not even speak them. I must have asked them to tell me a thousand times. Their silence was merciless.

This idea of my internal corruption began to fade when I spoke to a psychologist after my break down that was documented here. I told him what had happened and then he went on to describe her other sexual behavior. He had it dead on. When asked how he knew he said, "Because she is a sociopath." Then after a pregnant pause he added, "a sadistic sociopath. It is what they do." "How," I asked, "Can these smart people be fooled by these obviously horrific acts?" By acts, I mean that after my very bad thing her sexual behavior was used to do damage to several other people. His reply was that such people are very good at telling people what they want to hear. Not all sociopaths are serial killers. I had made the claim before that this woman simply told people what they wanted to hear. That claim had been contemptuously brushed aside.

I realized then that I was not a sociopath as I've never been good at telling people what they want to hear.

Kidding aside, this allowed me to understand a couple of things. First, is that it was of no fault of my own that I fell for the tricks of a sociopath. It is, after all, what they do. The second is a little bit more of a story.

I had a friend once that was involved in a long term relationship with a woman that had two serious mental health diagnoses. She finally needed to be temporarily involuntarily committed. The doctor pulled my friend aside and told him how HE behaved over the prior two decades. Amazed, my friend asked how he knew. The doctor said because she is this and that. Every sane person tries to fix such problems mostly in predictable ways. Of course, my friend failed at fixing the problem. One cannot fix the sanity of another. This allowed my friend to move on.

Now, I understand the revelation my friend had. I had much the same in my situation.

Note: I do see how it is entirely unfair for a shrink to call someone a sociopath he has never met. I am not saying she is one. However, the shrink did outline her behavior quite well without meeting her. That was what *I* needed to forgive myself.

2) others in a position of authority willing compromised their own impartiality

Once I broke with my mentor, many people, people that I would never have suspected came forward to enlighten me on just how and why those hurtful decisions were made. These statements were not just about my mentor but the others involved as well. These were people that would know. At worst, they were once removed. These were not idle rumors. The principal players would be shocked if they found out how many peopled independently and without my asking suddenly appeared and told the same stories.

Apparently, they only succeeded in keeping their secrets from me. I remember repeatedly asking my mentor this question. When it first happened you thanked me for being "the only one willing to tell me the whole story." This implies that the others were leaving things out intentionally to make themselves look good and me bad. I asked him how a discerning personality like his would then side with people he knew were trying to deceive him or influence him dishonestly. I followed it up with this. "What happened between the time when you thanked me for my honesty and you sided with them at the trial?" The response was always silence.

Now, I know.

I also know what influenced the others. I won't go into those details but I will say the one thing I've publicly repeated before that one of my then covenmates said, "Robert, I knew she was lying but if I sided with you, I'd never get my first degree." This was from a man that said I was his best friend. Other peoples' compromises were, how shall I say it? More base. When I say that, I am not referring to any one person but the lot.

The shrink had told me that my mentor's refusal to tell me the reason for ten years was abusive. His reasoning was that is was a) obviously extremely painful for me not to know and b) any teacher of any stripe doesn't try to use the same unsuccessful method for ten years. S/he would change methods. I strongly disagreed then and now.

He was a very good teacher in a lot of ways. He has earned his stripes. My main objection was that it was abusive or intentionally cruel. This fellow has his faults. I have seen him be mean once or twice but long term intentional cruelty and abuse? No. He simply doesn't have it in him.

THE REVELATION that came after the events listed in Item 3 was that my mentor and others simply could not admit anything. When I realized why my former mentor could not reveal his part, it broke my heart, not for me, for him. I deeply feel sorry for him. Frankly, deeper than any reader of this blog would understand.

Initially, they knew it was a bad scene all the way around but they rationalized their reactions according to their own selfish needs. They had not realized at the time how devastating the very bad thing was to me nor did they realize how their behavior would make that much much worse. Once they did, they had two options.

Option 1 was to admit to themselves they made poor choices and caused a lot of unnecessary damage. Given the coven leader once said in front of me, in a ritual setting as he was trying to give a malevolent talisman to HIS OWN COVENMATE, "It will hurt him but be FUN for us." I am going on the assumption the coven leader enjoyed my torment for a time. I do not think he enjoyed it forever. In fact, he made some small approaches that indicated he did not. However, having never actually been able to apologize, I never could trust him. If you can't apologize for your wrongs, you are still in denial. In occult terms, people in denial of their actions will ALWAYS repeat them until they learn. I am unwilling to be such a target again.

My mentor thinks of himself as a very compassionate guy. There is a reason he believes that. He believes it because it is true. He suffers when other people are in pain. I have seen it on many occasions. However, he is so compassionate he is simply not capable of fully accepting any responsibility. He understands the pain of others so deeply that he cannot reconcile his contributions to it while maintaining his self-image.

I get that.

It is human.

I understand.

It breaks my f---ing heart. Truly.

But it is what it is.

As sad as I feel about the revelation about his pain, I too am human. I cannot reconcile with someone that would allow me to suffer so under the clouded conflict of being unable to reveal his compromised position or his inner humanity. He made me suffer for his sins while convincing himself he was helping me in the long term.

His silence did not help.

Option 2 was to try to make the best of it. Spin it so that it would appear that I had a lesson to learn and they were on-high wise. The first part was true. That is any easy call as there are always lessons to learn. 

One lesson was that my hypocrisy sniffer is accurate but that I should keep such knowledge to myself. Telling people what they are not willing to hear is social suicide. Further, it does not serve them. Further, my anger at hypocrisy (my own and others) does not serve anyone (including me).

The second was that I cannot have more respect, more trust, more honor for another than I have for myself. As an adjunct, there is something else my very emotionally sensitive crab nature (I am only a Leo by one hour) cannot do. I cannot own criticisms launched by people defending their actions. After years of telling me that he was proud of me for doing the Work, my mentor claimed that I talk about it but never do it. False. His unwillingness to make his own internal work viable (at this stage) was speaking there.

Had I owned that, my confidence would be gone.

I have taken that lesson to other areas. My last girlfriend eviscerated me on the way out. She used the inner struggles I shared with her as a weapon. This deeply hurt me until I learned the above. Those things were her rationalizations for leaving. She may have had good reason or bad but those hurtful things were not it. She needed to maintain herself while leaving me. Now, I understand and do not own her words.

3) that the third persona willing and possibly intentionally prevented you from peace.

Yes. So many people over the years, that learned of the story later, asked me if any magick had been done to influence others to defend with words or silence the actions of this woman? My answer was always that I didn't know.

However, I can share when I first began to suspect that was true. My most recent ex said that she didn't understand why it hurt me so, after all I had done x,y and z before that. She said that I had told her I had. False.

We hadn't spoken all that much about the incident in any detail nor my prior sex life. There as no way I said what she honestly believed I said. What clicked for me is that many other people said the same thing. I had written it off to my prior little ego trying to gin up some sexual credibility. Though I honestly never remembered saying those things. Yet many many people honestly believed I did. So, I believed I had. When the ex said them and I damn well knew that I made no such statement to her, I became very suspicious.

How the REVELATION came about Step one was my friend Cai. He came by to do, and I use this term loosely, Reiki healing and massage when my back was out. When he was done he said, "This thing about you not understanding people doesn't serve you anymore. So, I removed it." My only objection was what do you mean "anymore"? When did it ever serve me?

At the time, I felt no different. Not long afterwards, I was sitting at work, trying to figure this thing out and I said to myself, "I am tired of trying to figure this out. It doesn't serve me." I did the MM and looked for the energy inside of me that made me keep trying. I saw it. It was the easiest thing in the world to release it. BOOM! I became immediately sad for my former mentor, as outlined above but without any awareness of why. With the exception of the woman, I was also sad for everyone involved including myself. It was a pervasive all encompassing sad.

Then it went away.

A couple of days later, I did the MM again. This time I looked for any magick that influenced the situation. Immediately, I saw it. It was in the shape of a peach or some similar fruit, not an apple though. The peach was sliced but put back together as a whole. There was a piece for each person in that trial.

(A now deceased coven mate that I would never have suspected and still would doubt contributing to this used to say of people who did something nice, "You are a peach." I once wrote a blog post about using culturally appropriate idioms to do magick. This makes me wonder if the love people had for him was used in the spell)

I destroyed the peach with a thought. It was the easiest thing in the world to do. The pieces flew back into the mouths of all those who were there. My piece bounced off of my closed mouth. So, once again, they will remain silent and ignorant as once again they ate the fruit of the poisonous tree. Had they learned, the fruit would not have entered them. It is simple as that.

My compassion for them is not blind.

Epilogue

 My very long term friend, The Witch, whom I love made a choice. She had never been particularly close to my mentor and generally refuses to attend any sort of party. When I dumped him, he invited her to a party 400 miles from her home. She went.

She volunteered with no prompting from me whatsoever that he publicly stated that he apologized to me "over and over" and she backed him him up saying, "I know, I have too." She did apologize, once. I accepted that, even when later she again tried to rationalize the actions of the woman, I knew deep down part of her understood doing so was her psychological need and wasn't based in fact.

However, when I called her on the incident with my former mentor and asked how she could toss me to the wolves publicly she said, "Well, he didn't intentionally hurt you and he did admit what others did was wrong." Yes, he did...many many years later.

However, admitting that someone else did something wrong is not an admission of his own part and it doesn't come close to an apology. An apology is, "I did x and hurt you deeply. I was wrong and I am sorry." It is not, "They did a bad thing." So once again, a friend is gone. I mentioned that in a previous post. However, I now have friends that support me when I am right, challenge me when I am wrong, will not throw me under the proverbial bus when someone else is wrong and love me no matter what.

I deserve nothing less.

The Book Project Returns

I have tried and tried to write about my epiphany regarding the very bad thing. I just find the history of it so disgusting that writing about the positive is just distasteful. I am sure that I will get it out soon. I think it is important to record.

The upside is that last night, I did the meditation and finally know it is time to redouble my efforts at the book. This realization was what I needed to move on. I can now write to share. I have nothing to prove to me, you or anyone else. There is a certain state of mind I need to be in to the write the book. Such has been shared with me and such I will do.

I think the realization will allow me to be a bit more free with my writing, my life, my ideas. However, the realization is not healing. Some things do not heal. You just learn to live with the hole. Doing that, allows for joy to co-exist. I am accepting of that.

Aside from that...

My soul reading tonight was cancelled.

The moment of healing my difficult case experienced yesterday, turned out to be very fleeting.

Healing Work

I took a break from healing because it was tiring me out. I am back in the game now.

A soul reading done the other day revealed a need for a lot of healing work. When the person is ready, she will come talk to me. I already have a plan that I feel will be effective. She thought the reading itself was solid and effective. I am hoping the reading itself brought some healing as it often does. Though, in the future, I am going to suggest people have a box of tissues at the ready. People tend to cry during soul readings.

I worked on someone today with a very serious physical problem. His wife noticed immediate improvement. The nature of said illness is not something I can disclose in this space. This sort of improvement is of benefit to both the ill person and his wife and makes me feel good.

I have twice successfully reduced a pre-diabetic's blood sugar levels twice. However, that needs to be a more permanent solution.Though, his blood sugar has been reduced by over half and holding, he is still too high. I am going to schedule an exclusive week for this guy and see if I can hold it down daily for him. That sort of treatment may make the reduction more permanent.
I am in negotiations to work on someone with spina bifida.

There are some posts coming on how to heal and what I see but I can't get to those yet.

There is also a post coming on the epiphany I had on the very bad thing. It is hard to write mostly because I am so disgusted by even thinking about it. Given that a lot of that trauma has been documented here, I think it is important for me to finish it off.

Back from Break

This week I am coming back from my break with a vengeance. I performed a soul reading and a healing last night. I have a tarot reading tonight. Tomorrow I have another healing to do. Thursday, I will perform a soul reading. 

I am taking Friday off.

I am not sure I will post about that soul reading. I do not know the person well enough to know their comfort level. 

Today, I had such a major epiphany about those involved the very bad thing and how they interacted with me. It hit me so hard that it was hard to function at work for about an hour. When I went on my morning break walk, several people stared at me as I walked by as if to figure out what was going on with me. Sometimes, people can just tell.

I will post of the epiphany most likely tomorrow. I know I will have to craft that post carefully and I will likely not succeed in being circumspect enough. 

Note to Tizzy: I saw your question. I am not posting the comment until I am able to answer you. The unposted comment will serve as a reminder to me.

Another Lost Friend

No one has died.

About this time last year, someone was pretty much going nuts. I had a girlfriend and a woman I never dated, never implied I would date and flat out told would never date was very upset about that. She lied, bad mouthed me and a lot of other people and basically behaved badly. My friends rallied around me, told her she was out of line and that her behavior was unacceptable. These warnings were loving at first and as the months wore on became much more pointed.

At some point, some of these very same people called me short on something completely unrelated. In the later example, they were not picking who they knew best or liked better. They simply judged right and wrong. I have a word for that. I call it character.

In my opinion, this is what valued friends do.

• If you are being wronged, they stand up for you.
• If you are wrong, they call you on it while telling you they love you anyway.
• If they are wrong and you call them on it, they consider what you have to say.

In the past, I have had too many friends that do not adhere to those simple things. They are welcome to maintain their other values, whatever they may be. I have simply decided that people that do not believe in the above are not my true friends. They are true friends to those that believe in other things. They may have those friends. My friends will place importance on the values outlined above. 

So, why did this happen? People need each other until they don't. It is as simple as that. It is interesting that I find it so much easier to let people go than to try to explain why I value the lines above. 

I have a great deal of gratitude for my friends that do understand as well as for friendship past. 

Is this post about magick? Yes, it is about the magick of no taught to me by WitchDoctorJoe. Though, when I say no, I try to use logic, persuasion and persistence in trying to prove my point. Joe's way is so much easier. 

Love and the Spine

As "My Gal" says, "If you had my head, these are the thoughts you'd need to entertain." I always loved that line. 

I have had a bad back week. I believe this is from three causes. I missed a chiropractic appointment. I haven't opened myself up to the MM or the painted talisman to make myself feel better because I am a dumb ass. And, I have a bad back. It will just go out sometimes.

Once this week, I felt emotionally fragile, near tears. The emotion didn't really have a name. It wasn't that specific but it was loud. The pain wasn't so bad except for in one spot. I have felt that emotional place before when it hurt in that particular spot on the spine. 

Today, I am in a lot of pain. That place in my back that caused the nameless emotion hurts but other places too. Yet today, I feel love for humanity in a big way. It is that huge compassionate love I have been writing about under the name compassion but compassion is too small a word.

There has to be something about the nerves in my back that can create different emotions. This one is pretty cool. 

Compassion Part II

Yeah, I am going to get in trouble for this one. So, what else is new? I predict at least five people will unsubscribe.

Compassion is just not for you. It is not just for your friends. It is not just for random people on the street. It must be extended to everyone. To feel this is not weakness.

There is a fellow that just shot a bunch of people in a movie theater. I condemn his actions. However, I must recognize how much pain such a man must have been in to do such a thing. He is most likely crazy and in horrible mental anguish. I have compassion for that pain. This is not to say I do  not feel compassion for his victims and family but that is easy, isn't it?

The family of Joe Paterno? I have compassion for them. Their own personal hero is being publicly discredited. As far as I know, they did nothing wrong. How horrible it must be for them. This is not to say that I take away from anything he did or failed to do or from Sandusky's victims.

I feel compassion for Sandusky's victims. There are simply no words I have to even understand their life-long pain. If they caught up to him in later life and pulled his eyes out of his head, I would understand.

I feel sorry for Sandusky. He couldn't have done that tough job and been stupid. He must know the incredible damage he's done. How badly do you feel when you accidentally harm someone? Knowing he did it on purpose...to CHILDREN...he must be miserable and have been miserable long before he got caught. Now he is in prison for a very long time, a fate he deserves. However, it is an unnatural state for a human to be locked up. I feel compassion for the pain he suffers.

Do not make any mistake, he deserves his fate. I would never let him out of jail. Ever. I would also lock up all the administrators that remained silent. Then, I would feel compassion for their plight.

Compassion isn't about condoning a crime. It is co-sharing another's pain no matter its source.

This is easy for me. Why, because I do not know a single victim of these crimes and I wasn't a victim myself.

While I am not a Christian, having love and compassion for others, especially the rejected, is the best thing Christ taught.

Now it gets harder for me. There are those that have hurt those I love and myself. I condemn their actions. The reason for this is simple. When we are wronged it creates a sort of blinder. All we see is the deed, the betrayal or whatever. To develop compassion, I must see the whole person. Every part of the person, the good and the bad.

Frankly, there are some people that I will never feel compassion for using that as a tool because I simply will never know them well enough to see a bigger picture. I have to fall back onto something more general, like they way I feel about that shooter. Other people, I know better. I know the good there. It would do me good to remember it and place actions good and bad within a whole.

A fully spiritual man is a fully compassionate man. Sooner or later, I will get there.

Next post: How Truth Brings Compassion and Friendship

Compassion

From Wikipedia: Compassion From Wikipedia: Compassion is the virtue of empathy for the suffering of others. It is regarded as a fundamental part of human love, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnection and humanism —foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and personhood. Compassion is often regarded as emotional in nature, and there is an aspect of compassion which regards a quantitative dimension, such that individual's compassion is often given a property of "depth," "vigour," or "passion." The etymology of "compassion" is Latin, meaning "co-suffering." More virtuous than simple empathy, compassion commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering. It is often, though not inevitably, the key component in what manifests in the social context as altruism. In ethical terms, the various expressions down the ages of the so-calledGolden Rule embody by implication the principle of compassion: Do to others what you would have them do to you.[1]

Robert's Golden Rule: Do unto yourself what you would do for others.

Can you feel compassion for another that may have done something wrong? I remember my mother telling me that she slapped my sister when she was a toddler and cut her lip. My mother felt guilty about that for the rest of her life. I do not condone what she did. I have compassion for how it tore her up later.

Have you ever done anything wrong that eats you up? How about those things that are smaller but deep down inside the gnaw at you sometimes so quietly that you don't realize it? Do you have the courage to even look? You would be amazed at what you may find. You may be amazed to learn how painful some very small thing is. You may be amazed to realize that horrific pains you fear are not there.

There are other things that tear at you there. The actions of others. The slights, the wrong doings, the brutality of growing up among so-called classmates that have no class. The rejections of adolescence. The mistakes of parents, etc.

The pains above are not the point of this writing.

The point is that if you are capable of having compassion for and sharing that love with another that has done wrong or been hurt, you should share that with yourself. Reach down, deep down, and love every bit of yourself. Have compassion for the pain that spurred you into incorrect action. Have compassion for the wounds others have inflicted. Have compassion for the person suffering from the results of those actions -- you.

Love yourself as deeply as you can love another. Cry for yourself. Comfort yourself. Sooth yourself. Accept and know that you are so worthy of love that no future pain born of your own actions will be so great. For that inner love heals the wounds that cause us to act out. There is no greater gift you can give yourself.

Do unto yourself what you would do for others.

A Break from Healing

I have done healing work or soul readings most every day for several weeks. My astral body or bodies are feeling very weak. I feel like there is a problem there. I do not want to make myself sick, unwell or nuttier than I already am. I have suspended healing activities for a few days.

When I do healing work, I do no energy raising exercises such as the middle pillar. Nor do I do these things when I am not healing. This may contribute to my depleted state. I have several meditation options and my old CM middle pillar and associated techniques to aid with that. I will experiment with those to see what helps.

Then again...oh boy...do I have an idea...

Soul Sangha Meeting

The Soul Sangha meetings are for those locals doing the manifestation meditation. We meet to discuss how the meditation has impacted our lives. The basic rule is that there is no debating another's perception of their own lives and how their souls are talking to them. We can advise, discuss, point things out, praise, question and the like but not impose our beliefs on another.

This allows Pagans, Christians, Wiccans, and non-declared to get along swimmingly. Something has struck me about these meetings. Everyone has been honest. There is no shame in who we are or what we are learning. I have heard these phrases:

"I am afraid."
"I did..."
"I have been overwhelmed..."
"My mother..."
"My father..."
"I have to confess that..."
"I do not see this working..."
"As a Christian..."
"As a Pagan..."
"My relationship with..."
"I poke badgers with spoons."

I have seen people stop before saying things that made them uncomfortable. I haven't seen anyone engage in defensiveness, lying or other negative forms of hiding. Further, I have never seen a judgmental expression cross anyone's face and I have been looking for that, without announcing I am doing so. In my mind, that is deadly to the process of unfolding.

One participant texted me later to say that it was a "B.S. free zone."

This is the behavior I expected from the various spiritual groups I joined but didn't see. There are times the group openness has me quite emotional. It isn't want anyone says. I know it sounds callus but I have heard it all over the years. I am not overwhelmed by anyone's life stories. I do have sympathy, empathy and/or compassion for them. What makes me emotional is the complete acceptance of the group regardless of who is there and what is being said.

When someone who arrived fro the first time last night spoke of what happened to him and his success, everyone on the room was smiling for him. That is unreal! In other groups I have been such statements were viewed judgement, skepticism or disbelief. Yes, I was as guilty then as everyone else. Here I am right with the positive attitude.

These people are experiencing life changing events in an almost casual manner. I honestly believe they are instantly better for the experience.

Healing a Heart and Healing Visions

It has been a while since I posted and I have a lot to talk about. I am going to take things one topic at a time, you may see several posts today.

A close friend's father is having heart problems. The doctors tried to install a pace maker but it didn't work. I popped in to heal him and something odd happened. Normally, I integrate all four qabalistic worlds into my healing work. This time I was 'told', 'directed' or otherwise guided to back the heck off. I only brought my greater neschemah and entered through the world of water.

I looked at his heart and energy passed through me creating two pin points of light above and below his heart. They were very bright. Then, in no uncertain terms, I was 'told' to back off. Frankly, this was the most guided and the most subtle work I have ever done.

I went back the next day and was guided to use the same technique. This time, the little dots of light appeared one by one in rapid succession. Soon it was like looking at city lights from a great distance. Then the heart area was simply covered in light, bright, star-like and healthy.

That was at the same time he was going into surgery. The surgery was successful and a defibrillator was installed.

With pain and sleeplessness, I get direct results through  the reports of the clients. This time, there is no way to know if I was able to help but I feel the healing work was of value.

Visions

Last night, I had three volunteers in my living room. I looked at two people with various types of diabetes. I saw no common link but I did have some success. I compared healthy nerves to those of my friend with diabetic neuropathy. I am going to try to create healthy nerves on the astral and see what I can do to create a healthy set for him.

For the other diabetic, I could see how the insulin was not being absorbed into his body. I looked at the healthy person and saw how that worked. It is my hope I can help his body absorb insulin better.

Lastly, I am going to experiment with medical marijuana my friend uses. I am going to skry the drug and see if I can create the same feeling of relief in him without him needing to smoke it.

Magickal Stuff/Personal Stuff

This is one of my hodge podge posts. There is some magickal stuff here that some may find useful and some personal stuff as well.

Magickal Stuff

I am getting prompted to explain how I heal and that message is being mixed with the idea that this is reflected in the Chaldean Oracles. I am no expert on those but I do remember them talking about the divine as "mind". 

When I heal, I am in the world of mind. It is not the physical. The hard part was learing to 'see' the wrongness. I easily see pain. That ability to see is what the hard work was all about. Moving the pain away from the body is simple, all it requires is a thought. Sometimes, it doesn't want to go. In those cases, I have to be more force full or toss in some appropriate symbolism to make it go away.

This explains why part of me was so focused on seeing occult things all through my training. My ability to serve requires a level of astral sight. 

I am working on learning more about what should be there so I can set things right. In short, I am trying to learn to heal rather than relieve symptoms. This will require some book learning and some experiments. You know me. It will be experiments first. 

I am making arrangements for the person with diabetic neuropathy, another person with pre-diabetes problems and a healthy person to be here at the same time. I am then going to look to see if I can a) see a common thing for diabetes that I do not see in the healthy person, and, b) see if I can compare Neuropathy to normal nerves. 

I also have two BIG cases on the radar that, if successful, would make the rest of what I do look pretty minor. One I have agreed to take on. The other I need to meditate on.

Personal Stuff

I went to a party last night and saw the woman that did the very bad thing. This normally freaks me out. This time, I did not care, not one damn bit. Though, it was odd seeing multiple people from my past and two of them having obvious issues with me. Odder still to realize their issues are theirs not mine. The woman can convince herself that I over reacted to her actions and therefore I am at fault for something. False but I can see that perspective. The other is a man that I didn't do anything to whatsoever. 

I have realized that I do two things that cause me pain, one of which causes other people pain.

One of the things I do is that when I am hurt, I see incidents A, B and C and then reach what appear to be disjointed conclusions F, Q, and W. The catch is that sometimes these apparently out of left field conclusions are intuitively correct and later are borne out as true. Though, many people deny them anyway, even when they have obviously been proven. Other times, they are off but not wholly unfounded. Regardless, F,Q, and W are things the party in question cannot emotionally own and that causes them to think I am a jerk and/or hurts them. The latter is because not only do they not want to believe I am a jerk (at first) but also because when people are in denial part of them knows they are. That knowledge is painful, gets buried and turns into resentment. Since they can't resent themselves, they resent me. Shrug. 

The other thing I do is own other people's faults and personalize them as directed at me. For instance, when my last g/f dumped me, she went for 'advice' to a good many of my friends and mentors and talked to them about our relationship. This means to me that others knew the bomb was going to be dropped and didn't tell me. That hits my loyalty issues. I do my best to overlook that part as it is a crappy position to be placed in. In fact, it is rather inconsiderate of the other party to have done so.

The fact is there can be a million reasons why this woman approached things this way. What I do is assume that it came from an utter lack of respect for me. That hurts me and I will interrupt those thoughts should they occur in the future.

This realization came from my request to my soul to finally heal me from the remainder of that relationship. I learned that I cannot heal if I hurt myself with such thoughts. 

Golden Dawn Bozos and Cognitive Dissonance

It has been a while since I posted anything opinionated. The reason for that is that I am getting less opinionated. I am more focused on healing others than anything else right now. Tonight, I'm going to speak a little bit on the process of mind one must have to do theurgic work.

I am a product of the Golden Dawn tradition. There are some well noted and not so noticed bozos, jerks, nincompoops, and, dare I say it, doo-doo heads that are part of that tradition as well. These tend to hide the good people but let's ignore the good ones for this post. The point I am trying to make here is that they are part of the same tradition I was a part of. Because of that, I have to consider, what is about my tradition that produces these people?

The opposite direction is taken by every Christian I have ever met. When they see doo-doo heads as part of their tradition, they say those people are not 'real Christians'. Why not? They read the same book and, more or less, follow the same general perspective, follow the same gods (all four of them, Yawheh, Holy Spirit, Jesus and Satan), have the same general rules, forgiveness and the idea that we are all tainted by original sin etc. The same god that answers the prayers of 'real Christians' answers the prayers of the 'not real Christians'.  I have news for you. Every Christian is a real Christian whether any one person agrees with them or not. Their faith is just as strong as everyone else's. The question 'real Christians' should ask themselves is what about Christianity creates these people? Are they right and I am wrong? If not, how do I avoid the traps of our shared tradition that they failed to negotiate?

Most are not willing to examine these difficult questions and fall back into making 'real' and 'not Real' judgments. Those that are not of the the theurgic mindset fall into this sort of trap all the time. This thinking is an emotional salve to resolve cognitive dissonance without doing the internal work necessary. It produces an us and them scenario. No true spirituality separates. Spirituality unifies.

This contrast is easy to make. It is harder when we do it with our microcosmic issues. The trick isn't to produce an ill-thought out emotional response that cripples thinking. The trick is to produce intuitive insight that expands thinking.

I am not capable of doing this every time. I do try but I am human and I do fail. My point is that theurgists must do this sort of thing more often than they fail to do it.

Another Soul Reading

I did another soul reading last night. She was a tough read or she was hiding stuff. I am going for the former. Her fears and issues seemed to have no cause. I am not going to type more on her. I am not sure I have permission.

I was able to introduce her to a new god that is connected with her. Her research bore out that connection.

 She also had a headache. I was unable to cure that.

Humility 

I received a huge compliment on a private Facebook group yesterday. I merely helped someone sleep. However, her honest viewpoint of things made me sound like some fictional wizard, complete with visuals.

If I was reading it from a normal viewpoint, I'd have been pretty impressed. To me, it was meh, as far as the description went. The compliment fed me ego a bit but not much. I tried to turn things into a joke to diffuse the compliment. That made me feel like I was being unfair to her experience. I thought I was being humble but maybe not.

I am not uncomfortable with this but I don't know the best way to react to things like this. It will not be the last time.

Healing

I am getting some requests to heal some very big issues. I am more afraid of succeeding than failing.

Soul Reading: The Subtle One

Stay tuned, the Subtle One is going to be my first guest blogger and write about what it is like to be on the receiving end of one of my readings. Look for that here soon. 

I did a soul reading for a friend of mine. He is one of two people in my life whose friendship is a tad surprising. Given our history, most people would have had problems with each other. We don't. I have another friend like that too. I suppose because I'm just that odd.

I may post about those two at some point. Heck, I throw the rest of my life out here and so far no one seems to mind.

So, I call him the Subtle One because of what I found. 

Nephesch (Animal Soul) -- The first thing I saw was a small round bridge over a small stream. The stream could have easily been walked across, waded would denote much more water than was there. They gully or moat-like structure where the stream made its home was a bit more formidable. Any child would have popped right on down, across it and back up the other  side but most parents would make them use the bridge.

The animal soul was dark, bipedal and didn't want to be seen. It was aware from the bridge inside the moat and facing inward. The soul was screaming. It was a painful plaintive wale, not unlike an animal that had lost a master or mate.

I did not enter the grassy area defined by the moat. Basically, it was its own little island. It stood before the landing of the bridge. I received the impression that the Nephesch was afraid to leave the island as his father had hit him when he was 13. The Subtle One's offense was doing some sort of damage to another person.

He did not confirm or deny this to me.

On the short patch of dirt between me and the bridge lay a white circle with a cross about the size of a silver dollar. This figure was basically a lock on the bridge. There is no way the soul could escape its island-like prison. I asked the Subtle One if I could remove it.

I should note here that I often tell my 'clients' that I will ask them if there is something for me to give or remove. However, I forgot to mention that this time.

The Subtle One hesitated. His emotion, though hard for me to name, hit me hard. Fear is not the right word though there was some. Reticence? Shock? I don't know what he felt but it was loud. Yes, I know that it is a contradiction. Work with me people!

He said yes. I picked it up and it grew into a clear shape, solid, unmoving but as I write I feel it was made of water, not ice. It reminded me much of a clear Oscar statue, humanoid but featureless. It was not sentient. This was the guilt and trauma of whatever incident happened at age 13. I set it aside.

The Subtle One told me later that he felt sadness at it's leaving and a cool draft of air. I may be misremembering this point but there was also some immediate relief. Now the ground on the outside of the moat was red much like the color of the vegetation in the Tom Cruise version of War of the Worlds. The Subtle One lived a rough violent life as a youth and this was the blood, pain and trauma of that. It was another barrier to the joining the rest of us. He keeps himself locked up fearing who he was and failing to remember he is not the person any more. He had grown.

A dirt path began to form as the red faded. The reading itself was healing part of him before my eyes. A dirt path began to form from the bridge past the circle of red into the rest of the Nephesch world. I almost led him out by that path but thought it was something he had to do. Later, he told me he felt much the same only he had to do things in the real world in order to do that.

The Automatic Personality -- I was immediately directed to Netzach and saw a small tree with peach blossoms. (Note: In real life, I could not identify a peach blossom from any other blossom.) This represented the pleasant distractions of desire this man endures. I use the word endures purposefully here.

I looked at Hod and was slammed back into Netzach so fast that it almost hurt. The wall was huge, stubborn and loud. It took a bit of poking around (from Netzach) to realize that the destractions in his life  stem from a the fact he doesn't want to maintain focused thought.

I realized he feared Mercury (the god) but then I think he really had a fear of Mercury (the planet). Knowing that, I slipped into his Hod. The figure inside Hod was very similar to the figure that was born from the circle and cross in the Nephesch but no longer watery, more solid and yet mercurial.


Focused thought would allow him to challenge his dreams into reality. If he doesn't, well then, he never finds out if he can be successful. I told him he had to speak his dreams out loud. He has to. Even if he can't to a person he must do it to a mirror.

I dropped down to Yesod and realized a great fear of the moon. I feel that whatever was there was part of his oathbound religion and stopped looking. I told him there is a big difference between fear and respect. He should respect what is there but not fear it.

Next, I popped into the Divine Personality (Ruach). Here I saw that same figure only of burnished metal. It may have been bronze or gold. This is what he is supposed to do! He is a writer of subtle things. He sees the darkness in others and can explain it to the rest of us in so subtle ways that we may learn. He is an author of books that take us into darkness, then crafts the ending in such a way that at the end we say, "So that is what this was about!" He can reveal the general darkness of humanity. Those little lies we tell ourselves to get by in the everyday that do so much damage to others.

He can do this for his friends too. The subtle one can, by trial and error, learn how to say things that only a week later land in our minds and reveal us to ourselves. He can do this so slyly that no one will blame him for what he reveals!

The Greater Neschemah was interesting. Here I saw a half-globe of light upon the land amid a night sky. Within it, stood another figure like the above only black. You see, we are never supposed to know the Subtle One. He knows us. He serves but revealing us quietly.

I am doing another soul reading tonight. I am not sure if I will be able to write that one up.

Another Soul Reading

I performed a soul reading today. I became very involved and animated. Oddly, I am quite tired. Normally, if I get tired it is the next day. I have permission to write about it but I am not up to it today.

Three Healings

After three rounds of disc golf this morning, yup that is 54 holes and about a five mile hilly walk, I was called upon to perform three healings.

The first was for My Gal. My last healing for her gave her three weeks with no liver symptoms. She was feeling 'ooky' today. I chastised her for not calling me. Why put up with that if you do not have to? I didn't work this hard to be of use to the planet just to play disc golf.

The cool part was that when I called upon our starry souls to unify. I saw us each orbiting a beautiful white star. Merging with My Gal is pretty easy and I think that was a sign of that. She has a lot of trust in me and it shows through the ease of healing her.

She reported that she felt much better immediately. Then she added that when I am done it feels like she has been given morphine. So, she tagged me with a new nickname that I really like, Dr. Feelgood. This goes right along with my all-time favorite, also given by her, the Good Frater.

I then worked on someone else. I am not sure he'd be comfortable with me posting here about that. The remarkable thing about that one was that long after I was done, I was sitting here watching the Dodger game and was him. Well, not really. I am sure you know that everyone has a certain quality to how they feel in their own skin. There is a mental state that is common. This isn't a thought or anything like that but a feeling of being. Whatever that is, I felt his while watching the game. I think he 'held on' to me a bit. I went back and broke the links again.

He reported immediate improvement.

Finally, I worked on someone with pre-diabetes issues. I ever took stuff out, 'cleaned it' and put stuff back in. He wasn't feeling poorly so I have no idea if I did him any long term good. He is going to monitor his blood sugar and keep me posted.

I am exhausted. This happened with soul readings too. It is the same type of tired. I just need to stretch these muscles a bit. The only way to be sure that I can be there when needed is if I push the envelope like this from time to time.

Another Hiding Nephesch

I had an interesting experience today. I had to pop into work for about an hour.

I met a man I could not look at. I noticed my eyes constantly averted. It felt like it does when you accidentally look into the sun. The turning away is instinctual. Once I became aware I tried again. I could not do it.

The realization that this was the same strategy that the murder victim nephesch used struck me. With that in mind I still could look only for a bit and turn away. I found this experience utterly fascinating.

There have been articles about criminals that had the ability not to be seen. I am wondering if their Nephesches had something to do with that.

Free Pain Relief

I am going to offer my services to relieve physical pain to two people absolutely free. The catch is that since it is free I am not obligated to continue forever. I will go as long as I wish to go.

To qualify, the person must be in some sort of chronic pain that has been diagnosed by a doctor. This can be anything at all including what doctors call 'soft tissue injury' (which means they have no idea) or other diagnoses some people think are dubious (such as fibromyalgia). Other 'hard' diagnoses also accepted. I will need to know what that diagnosis is. Pain relief medication is either undesirable or ineffective. A familialrit with email and the willingness to answer questions about the effectiveness of the treatment is required. Results (minus the person's name) will be blogged here.

The person does not have to be a reader of this space. Refer your friends or family. I am good with that.

Use the button on the page to email me.

My Cross of Obligation

I have posted a few times as to why I can't buckle down writing the book. I have gone to bed many times praying to my Greater Neschemah to reveal my problem.

Last night, I dreamed of the tarot, WitchDoctorJoe and some famous witchy-like tarot author. I am not sure who it was but I knew her in my dream. For some reason my soul uses the image of the WitchDoctor to get something into my thick head. The one and only time my HGA spoke of another it was Joe. At that time, Joe had made the comment that I am a quiet guy. I percieve myself as pretty loud and out there. My HGA used that as an example and showed me why Joe saw me that way. It turns out that I am both loud and quiet. I never knew how that information helped me but I was shown for a reason.

Anyway, in the dream Joe told me something wise. I immediately forgot it. The dream went on and I encountered a tarot card.

What that is what it should have looked like. Instead it looked like this:

Only red and without the swords. There was also a chain around the neck of the boatman. The card title was "Four of Wands - Laziness". Yup, you just can't make this stuff up. However, like many things laziness is a bit of a misdirection.

I was very excited, "I have never seen this card portrayed this way!" I showed it Joe. He said, "I told you. You can't let..." Damn, I still don't remember his wise words but I know they stuck in my head somewhere.

There are a few ways of looking at this symbolism. The selection that hit me like a brick to the back of the head upon waking was "False Completion".

The fours are in the sphere of Chesed. This is an odd place on the tree. This is where things are complete in many ways but here you find out if you've completed the wrong path and are experiencing temporary false sense of 'arrival' or have completed a major bit of work on the right path and are about to hop into the much ballyhooed supernals (as they relate to your task).

The sixes are the sphere of Tipereth, the adept, upon the cross of obligation.

The Manifestation Meditation is helping everyone it touches. If you use it, you have had great success. Success enough that you may have scared yourself into stopping for a bit but success you have had. For myself, my healing ability has skyrocketed. You can tell in this space because you certainly are not hearing any weasel words "like", "but", "if" and "maybe" when I report healing.

This has created a sense of satisfaction as if I am done. No Sir. I am not done. However, I am emotionally very satisfied with my work. There is no sense of desperation pushing me on. Now, the motivation has to be service to others -- The Cross of Obligation. I know this book can help people. Now, I have to be willing to sacrifice to get it out there.

Frankly, I don't wanna. I am having too much fun being active with disc golf. After all these years of not moving with my back, it feels really good to be out and active and competing against myself with something that boarders on the physical.

My plan is to do some magick to jump start my ass into writing this book. Now that I know this false emotion of being done has settled in too soon, I can do some work to motivate me along. Funny, as soon as I see something in myself like that, I can see how it hit someone else I know. Amazing.

Healing Services

Having had such wonderful success of late, I have restructured my service and rate page here. I have been able to relieve symptoms modern medical science cannot touch in more than one chronic illness. My rates are much more traditionally structured and come with a guarantee now. Please see the above link for details.

Signs of Spirituality

Many years ago I participated in a discussion on a Yahoo group. Someone asked a question about assholes. No, he wasn't studying to be a proctologist. He wondered how people can claim to be spiritual while still being a jerk to others. His basic argument was that there are so many jerks in the magickal community that magick cannot be spiritual practice.

He had a point. He was also wrong.

As far as I can tell, the magickal community is full of more 'bad actors' than any other community that I have ever been a part of. That is the reason I see it as a spiritual practice. Magickal works forces out all the inner muck. We act on it. We live in it. We wallow in it. We do so until that muck is burned off and we learn. Other communities allow us to hide ourselves by either not revealing ourselves or hiding behind polite social lies. I will pretend not to notice that you're being an ass, if you pretend I'm not being one too.


Barring a few social butterflies, magickal people are generally not up for social lies. We see through them.  Many will not say anything because they play the 'normal people' game outlined in this statement by one Timothy Leary, "Admit it. You aren't like them. You're not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the 'normal people' as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like 'Have a nice day' and 'Weather's awful today, eh?', you yearn inside to say forbidden things like, 'Tell me something that makes you cry' or 'What do you think Deja Vu is for?'

The fact that they are playing the normal game or can't say anything doesn't mean they don't know. They see and observe. This makes it hard to get away with being a dumb ass. Though, we all try. And by all, I mean all. The fact that you can't get away with it in this community is what makes it a spiritual practice.

You grow or get stuck. Getting stuck is just as obvious. People notice, even when they don't say anything. Slowly over time, people do learn to treat each other better. They do grow but the process takes people that do know how to be genuinely kind and rips out the impurities making them look like assholes. Looking like an asshole should be a temporary condition and it is. Some people grow out if in a year or two. Others take decades but it is temporary. Or, at the very least, the asshole part of them that is not how they are supposed to be in this life gets burned off.

So, why I am waxing poetic about this now? Two reasons.

First, I had a realization this morning. True friendship is revealed by sentences of less than ten words. All the flowery confessions of love and caring mean nothing. The little spontaneous statements reveal what matters. True friendship is also revealed in all the little acts and desires you never see or at least are not meant to be seen. Your true friend is sitting at home with a silent prayer on his or her lips for your well-being. Your true friend is defending you against accusations you never knew were made. Your true friends experience joy in your joy and pain in your pain and love in your love, not in public but in the privacy of their own heart.

This led me to expand on that thought a little bit. Spirituality is revealed in one's spontaneous actions, meant not for public consumption but as a simple expression of Self. True spirituality is revealed not in less than desirable mundane actions that we all engage in as part of being human. It is revealed in our consistent actions of agape.

Secondly, I encountered someone that recently that I have every reason not to like. This person sought to do me harm at one time.  I can admit that it really wasn't directly intended to do so. It was more a revelation of the aforementioned inner muck being brought out. Regardless, once you're a target, it is perfectly human to distance oneself. However, a private interaction occurred and that person's behavior was 180 degrees from what it would have been a year ago.

Change is a sign of spiritual practices. It often doesn't happen unless one wants to change. Like social lies any magician worth his or her salt notices them.

Good News/Bad News

From the department of good news/bad news. 

Here is the good news. I wrote about the healing of the person with diabetic neuropathy. I saw him tonight. He reported his arm is just fine. He is experience no pain whatsoever. This is the first time his arm has not hurt in 25 years. He legs were much better as well. I still have some more work to do on those. 

It put me in a great mood to be of such use. I know what pain feels like and to relieve it for any time at all is pretty cool. To give someone relief that has been in constant pain for 25 years is more than pretty cool. It makes me feel pretty damn cool.

The bad news is different. In order to get to the point of doing that, I get wide open. It feels like I am just focusing on the person. I think it is more than that. Perhaps as a result of that, I am finding that I am having emotional swings. I know all the regular readers know I am an emotional guy but these emotions are different. These can change on a dime. That I am not used to. 

It is not a huge price to pay. In fact, if it stays at this level, it is no price at all. If it gets worse, well, I will have some stuff to blog about.

Healing Updates - Starry Soul

Since I have been working with the Starry Soul construct my healings have improved.

My Gal was having serious issues with her chronic liver problem. She had been throwing up for two weeks. Once she finally told me, I did my normal healing technique only asking both of our starry souls to help. The beginning went as normal. Then I was take up a level and saw something else. Where 'up' was, I have no idea. Was it a different soul body or a different perspective? I know it didn't feel normal.

She woke up cured the next day. She has had no liver symptoms at all for a week or two now. This doesn't mean her tummy issues just disappeared. ALL of her issues have disappeared.

Yesterday

I worked on friend with diabetic neuropathy. He has been in extreme pain for many many years. He is a tough man and despite extreme pain seems to lead a normal life. When I was in that much pain, I could not do that. I admire his tenacity.

We were out on the disc golf course and I could tell his hands were hurting. I did a healing and he reported no pain at all. His golf game dramatic improved instantly. That was a nice confirmation. People can be polite and tell yo they feel better but there is no way to fake that.

During the healing I told him his legs were the hardest to get to and I didn't feel I did much good there. Later in the evening, his hands and shoulders were still painful. I then worked on him through distance healing.

I sent him a Facebook message asking how he felt after. His reply was that he felt no pain at all. Further, his right leg had been swollen prior to my working and was normal after. The working took less than five minutes. His son was there and confirmed the before and after.

His only complaint was some tightness is his left calf area, a very minor issue compared to the rest.

I wish I could make a living healing people. It is so much more satisfying than my day job.

EDIT: I just worked on a friend with an sinus headache and a personal issue. At first blush, I didn't help much with the sinus headache but calmed down the emotional state caused by the personal issue.