Only Half Way Up the Tree

I found a new blog by looking through posts on the Pagan Blog Project. The blog is called Standing at the Center.

The Frater makes the following statement: "A.'.A.'., much is made of the task of knowledge and conversation with the Holy Guardian Angel, but this experience is only half way up the Tree."

This is true. My experience with my HGA as a very tangible force was short lived. He shows up from time to time but for the most part is content with moments of inspiration. In my opinion, the task of the HGA is to take you to the next level. It knows your path back to the ultimate divine and it knows you. Therefore, It's job is to guide you there.

Mine did that with the Manifestation Meditation. He gave me the tool set. The rest of it is doing the work.

I am struggling with a contradictory mindset. On one hand, I have absolute faith in the Manifestation Meditation and what I am supposed to do with it. I am writing the book at a fair pace. Yet, I know I cannot really finish that yet because, well, I haven't gone through the entire process. That would be like a Theoricus (third initiation out of six or seven depending upon your viewpoint) writing about the Golden Dawn system. The ignorance would be astounding.  This problem is easily solved. I will write what I know and have it at the ready, modify it as I go and present the final document when I am confident I have it down via knowledge and experience.

The contradiction is that I am vacillating between this complete confidence in the  Manifestation Meditation and an utter disbelief in all things magick and mystical as simply so much delusion leading one down a path to no where. It is all in your head and it can't be real! But wait, why is your head less real than reality? Because I can just make anything up in there. But you do that out here too. Every experience is subjective;  you make it up.

I credit GD with getting me to my HGA on the one hand and seriously fucking me up on the other. The first part means that I know it works. Yet, I do not believe it works. Normally, the knowing and believing are reversed.

I am watching my life change through the  Manifestation Meditation . One obvious mundane item is that I eat 90% organic now. I can easily resist sweets, treats and unwholesome meats. My fruit and vegetable intake is huge in comparison to a few months ago. I do my own cooking and do not go out to eat anywhere unless I am out of town. This is not any work at all. There is no struggle. It simply is.

Work life has seen no frustration issues in a very long time. I see them coming now and easily stop them. It is odd watching other people get irritated now that I am detached from the insanity of my dysfunctional workplace as well as my own past insanity.

In many ways things are greatly improving. Maybe it isn't improving fast enough for me.

The night before last, I had a great MM. I was struck by a phrase I heard, "The purpose of life is to manifest the divine spark." Yes, for me that is the purpose. Maybe, I am just frustrated by the pace. I am not getting any younger. Maybe I have manifested that but I subjectively refuse to see own it.