Guardian of the Threshold
One of the odd things about facing this personal demon, is the guilt. This isn't about feeling guilty about facing the demon, how I faced it, what caused me to face it, or the situation that caused the initial trauma of my PTSD.
The odd part of this is the guilt that is gone. That guilt was for all the misdemeanors committed throughout a lifetime. Little crimes never even thought about as well as, those that did cause conscious guilt, such as my getting cranky and reactionary at work.
Funny thing, I remember my mentor referencing something like this from his own life.
Of course, there is a danger here. Do I really need to be specific about that?
Results of Stavish Meditation
There is a fellow at work I have a great deal of respect for. The last couple of days I have been seeing more of his aura. For years, I've seen light around people's heads. Normally, this is blue when people are speaking from authority or teaching. This guy, M, is someone I view as an authority on just being a good human. So, I see blue around him from time to time. The last couple of days I've seen the blue merge into green and rose pink around his trunk. I think this small measure of sight is the result of the Stavish meditaitons.
I was in Fresno, CA near Blackstone and Herndon avenues with with a friend. We were running errands. We saw an open apartment where there is none in real life. I am also not friends with this person in normal awareness.
I said that I should have to lived there before I moved into my current house. The door was open as the place was for rent. Upon entering, I couldn't tell if the apartment was an apartment or a business space that may have been used as a nail salon. I suppose you could have converted it either. Two pretty young women where there. In a back room was an older woman. They viewed us with indifference
Suddenly, the dream moved to a pool area and my dream friend was doing some maintenance on it. The pool was in the same general area as the apartment. He couldn't drain it completely and then someone pointed out that it was fed directly from the sea, "Oh Natural salt water!" He commented.
Then a real life's friend's son was in the car. A voice in my head said that he had come out as bisexual but only dated women. This confused me. I mean if you're a switch hitter, why only hit from one side but to each his own. I know this guy in real life. He is a good guy. I have no idea if he is bisexual or not.
We were driving somewhere with this beautiful 18 year-old blond with big curly 80's hair. I was careful not to do anything that would make her think I was making a pass at her but there was three of us in the front seat so we had to sit close. She realized what I was doing and commented that it was okay. I put my arm around her as much for comfort as anything else. Then she said something about it being more than ok and planted a nice deep kiss on me. It wasn't the best kiss I have ever had but kissing anyone that isn't your sister is a good thing. We got to our destination and she left.
My friend's son said, "Well, you getting into a relationship with [name forgotten] would be very interesting." The word interesting meant, not good at all, but it would be momentarily fun.
This dream was very vivid and very well remembered.
My take on the dream:
I have experienced trauma in the house I live in. That trauma occurred within weeks of moving in here. Had I lived elsewhere first, there would be no reminders here.
The second most important part of the dream was the sea water. Our emotions all run deep and are inexhaustible. We cannot completely drain them. They are part of this life and should be.
realized i genuinely like my friends son, he is a good egg.
The most important part was how I felt waking up after that dream kiss. There was an emotion of 'new relationship lust'. Frankly, I am too old to get into interesting relationships that end in trouble like the one in the dream would have. That said, the emotion was a key to working with dreams consciously. Let us say that I wanted a relationship like the one in the dream. In a lucid dream, one could 'manufacture' that emotion and then use that emotion within the dream space to do magick to get that relationship.
Like I said, I don't want a relationship like that but this was a big clue to dream work for me.
The last part that is important was that I figured out that I genuinely like my friend's son. He is a good young man. Sometimes, I don't realize such things. I am glad I know now.