Saturday, June 5, 2010

An Evening with the Helpful Deity

One word, WOW.

I have never been so 'filled-up' by a deity before. Part of that is that we meditated 15 minutes prior to working, blended in a gd-technique and then invoked It. My partner described it as having a very intimate conversation with someone you deeply care about in a void of utter darkness. I can't say it better than that.

This was the first night we came with a list of questions. Well, if you can call two a list. They were answered. It hung around what seemed like a long time afterward as if to say, "Is that all you got?"

Once It left, I had a very hard time coming back down. I could not speak. I could not open my eyes. I could not move. I tried to do all three. Eventually, things moved back towards normal. When I did, things where surreal. My back yard wasn't my backyard, even though it was. Nothing was out of place. It was more beautiful but disorientating somehow.

I felt like my being was stretched so far that I was no longer connected to all the pieces. There was no fear in that sensation.

There used to be a time after GD ritual work in a group setting, I'd drink. The last time I did that, the god-form I invoked would not leave. She permitted me two glasses of wine and forbade another. With the helpful deity, this continued. No alcohol afterward. I have to assimilate the experience in real time. No more crutches.

Edit: As I sat in my back yard recovering, I felt like an ancient seer, blind with an offering bowl, upon the steps of some great building. Perhaps in a back alley where those in the know could find me. That seer was physically improverished but connected to a greater part of the All.

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