Greenyear asked if I ever found my discipline with Jason's course. In the context I think s/he meant, no. However, it was the rest of the question that is interesting:
I'm having this same trouble, wherein i *want* to do the work but am not, to the point that my life has become significantly more complicated since i started the beginning feri course i'm taking. i'm trying to figure out if this means i'm supposed to find something else, or leave off spirituality for now, or something else.
I think Crowley wrote that if a person isn't doing his true will, the Universe will constantly put up obstacles and resist your efforts. The inverse implication is that if you are doing your true will obstacles will not arise. This is too simplistic. More than likely as I can't recall the exact source, I am doing his words an injustice.
There are a lot of subtleties to your question that no one can answer for you, especially one that does not know you. However, I can share some general thoughts.
When I was with my first group, there are all sorts of obstacles. In my second there were all sorts of difficulties. Obstacles are meant to prevent a path. Difficulties make you stronger and wiser.
In my case with Jason's course, he told me from the outset that he didn't think it was my path and I agreed. However, I knew I could learn something and I have. I think I've learned as much as I am capable of, at the moment. If you think I'm deleting his emails that contain the course info, you're nuts. I will get back to it. This is the sort of thinking necessary to understanding your situation.
Other things to think about are: Have I learned what I can for now from this path? Where else can I learn somethings that compliments what I already know? Where else can I learn anything? Is my failure to pursue this a personal one (ie I'm lazy, easily distracted etc.) or a wise one (not your path)?
I'd never advise anyone to give up on their own spirituality. You may find yourself to really belong to another path be it Wiccan, Buddhist, Christian, some other form of faerie, Chaos mage, who knows? Keep exploring. If you're training involves any magick at all, do something to ask the Universe to guide you to where it thinks you ought to be. Unless you are really drawn to a particular god/goddess, I'd stay away from any spirit on that one and just do a thought-form/artificial elemental. They are easy enough and the answers are more likely to pertain to your will than some deity's.
I've always known that I am a magician because it is the one thing in my life I've always returned to even when I was a horrible magician. I am lucky that way.
I'd like to invite readers to comment on this one. There are many points of view on things like this. Maybe one will stand out for our friend Greenyear.
3 comments:
I have issues with A.D.D. In the past, it was work just to read. Focusing and magick have helped me learn to stay on track better, but the discipline is exhausting. It's hard also for many creative people to do one thing for very long. It seems they tend to get bored easily. This is my perspective on why I fall behind on some long projects. It helps me pick the pace back up if I do a couple of "quickies" in the meantime; activities in a similar vein, but with a fast payoff.
My own path has had much jumping around, and much experimentation in various traditions. It also involved about 5 years of moving my entire life.. every. single. year.
I totally get the lack of focus, and accusations of ADD due to life issues.
Some times it is just not the right time. Just do what you can, and follow your interests. It's one of the reasons I dug Bardon's stuff so well, I could do it just about anywhere.
I stepped out of the traditional western magical tradition for years before I came back with a greater respect for it thanks to perspective brought on by studying other traditions.
Crowley has an interesting point. Perhaps it's a variation of the points made by Campbell about following one's bliss, generally that if you're doing what you love, you'll feel joy in the process and, perhaps, throughout your life.
I find it hard to believe that one's Nirvana road will necessarily be easier than the "wrong" roads. Looking at this Kabbalistically, one might say that the obstacles are there as "tests" of various kinds that have the power to make us stronger. This follows the idea that smooth seas don't make good sailors.
Does the Universe speak to us through the ease or difficulty of the path? Maybe, but I'm not sure that's a good first criterion for deciding on the path's value.
Malcolm
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