Monday, June 21, 2010

Amateur Hour

I've made an error. As far as ceremonial magicians go, it a HUGE F-BOMB of an ERROR. In my defense, I will point out that I was deliberately putting some CM aside and living a little. Welcome to Amateur Hour.

As you all know, I've been having a blast with the Helpful Deity. It helped me put aside the huge majority of the obsession and anger I've suffered with. How can anyone be ungrateful for that? I am certainly not. Working with It is bliss. It is a truly enjoyable experience all the way around. However, I just couldn't kill all of the ceremonial magician in me. Some part of me, kept saying, how do you know what you've got here? Trust but verify.

So, I had Lon DuQuette do a tarot reading for me. I've never heard him stumble and flail around like that. The cards came up negative. He really wanted to tell me that I've got just what I thought I have, he just couldn't. Yet, he kept throwing in odd phrases that match with the lore of the deity. His tag line was typical of Lon's long term view of the Universe, "You may not have what you wanted but you just may have exactly what you need." Great.

The second reason I asked is because a few weeks ago, my partner noticed a little thing she calls a shadow angel hanging around. Obviously powerful but not malicious, hiding, watching. I felt no aggression. I heard no aggression. My partner's relative noticed this same being outside of my partner's house, standing in the light of a street lamp. This relative had not been told of the sighting but immediately said, "It followed you home."

When I asked about this being, Lon's response was, "this is exactly what you're looking for."

Color me confused.

So where does amateur hour come in? Frankly, I am embarrassed to even type it, much less post it. I never once asked this deity It's name. I assumed I got what I called. Why the hell would I assume such a thing? Am I daft? Don't answer that! (Grin) Regardless of what it is, that is why I talked to myself and repeatedly said, "Self. How do you really know what this is?" Now, I know where that question came from.

I have lots of really negative adjectives to append to the word magician as it applies to myself right now. Dumb ass is at the top of the list.

Now, I'm not saying the Helpful Deity is bad. I'm saying my technique sucked and my thought process was non-existent. I will contact It again but this time with a little more CM and a few more questions.

Always challenge the spirits boys and girls, even if you think you've got the best of the best. Jesus is Lord of what exactly? Doh! The Helpful Deity is WHO exactly?

Stay tuned for the next installment of "As the Dumb Ass Turns".

Picture from: HERE.


Anonymous said...

I don't know what your friend sees exactly, but when I see "shadow" beings hanging around someone, well, it's Tower card time. You have health, life, home, and auto insurance right? Maybe it's a psychopomp visiting to let you know he's going to help a family member or friend go somewhere, if you know what I mean.

Gordon said...

Oh am I SO staying tuned.

Ron said...

Who of us hasn't been disappointed when we have attempted to find happiness outside of ourselves in "The Other?" We all have thought we found the "perfect" friend, mate, teacher, community or political leader only to realize later that we were mistaken.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. It's good that you remain awake. Just try to avoid cynicism.

Be well.

Frater POS said...

Ron, I wasn't attempting to find happiness when we first started working with HD. On thing led to another to get to It and then It cured the obsession which led to happiness.

Star, she called it that because of the how she first noticed it but it doesn't appear as a shadow. For the most part, it is silver. Though, there is a family member in ill health. Not sure if that is connected.

Norma said...

Aw geez. Look. You didn't follow protocol, and maybe (well, probably) that was foolish. But this may very well be one of those happy accidents. The reading you got from Lon, as well as the results you have been getting, suggest this.

Before you decide that dumb but fortuitous mistakes are the mark of stupidity, you may want to remind yourself that this is how penicilin was discovered. It involved not one but two mistakes, each taken to have 'ruined' an experiment. Here:

And even then, it turns out that despite science's best efforts to produce the best strain, the one that was actually usable came from a mouldy canteloupe in Peoria:

You can't make this stuff up, seriously.

Give yourself a break if it turns out to be a negative outcome, but if not? Be happy that providence or what/whoever overrode your specific request to give you what you needed instead of what you asked for. (We should all be so lucky!)

Jack Faust said...

I fail to see how a Tarot reading from Lon spells anything out, dude.

This isn't a direct statement the HD has done rendered into Gematria; nor is it the name of the GD rendered similarly.

Seriously, dude. Crowley has some comments about why to make a Dagger instead of a Sword. His basic point is that air as a weapon is overly dangerous if you use it to undercut what you do.

Do not turn to the Adepts for answers when you have everything you need right in front of you. I very much disagree that Lon's given you the/a answer.

As for your partner... hmm. THAT is interesting.

simon said...

Dont be so hard on yourself. It will be a worth while experience either way it seems. It does make me wonder, did you do a reading yourself as to the nature of this spirit?
Was there anything said or done by this spirit that was deceitful?
Have things been going wrong lately that might due to the HD?
I guess these are just things that Id ask myself.