Last night, as I was meditating on the earth symbol encased in the red ball, it was very clear that I was done. Air, here I come. As I meditated, I prayed to my HGA to clear the blockages of air that I may explore. I had many dreams that involved me being taught something and one involved my sister's family and me sneaking away from them to get a bagel because they couldn't decide where to eat breakfast. I am sure that had some deep mystical meaning! The dreams where I was being taught were confusing. As I started to wake I tried to remember them and then decided that they were not Stavish related. Why I thought that I don't know. Then I decided my HGA did not answer my prayer. Immediately, I felt the shell of my main issue. I felt how tense it made my entire body. It was a bit creepy. That may have lasted for three seconds.
As a reflection of the great Eleusinian mysteries, I was talked to and then shown.
Enochian Temple and Tarot:
Today, we put the Enochian temple back up. There is an ebb and flow to things with a necessary pause. The flow part has begun again. In part because I need to learn more about the tarot. I have spent a good part of the afternoon working with the first group of downloads and then working my way through the last one, disks, which is proving difficult. Nanta has explained why. I don't have the time to give that dissertation at the moment.
For the most part this is my personal system of tarot and that system is designed for one purpose. I am not going into a bunch of detail but I do plan on teaching it locally. I am still writing though only up to 2,500 words or so.
Well, this is about my third entry today. I have been bouncing in and out of temple staring at tarot cards. It is HARD. I feel like this is a reflection of my GD-style initiations, even one's I have yet to take! There is an introduction, a harsh reality, even a terror that spawns a retreat. Then one is ready to proceed.
Fourth entry of the day now.
I meditated on EHNB. S/he is the ruler of the Tablet of Union. I basically told her that I was done. I needed to reconcile the elements and needed to do it now. Furthermore, I am going to astral project.
I invited her in my body. She poured into me like a liquid. I was startled and said "you have a human form?" Her answer was that she filled my form as that makes me more comfortable. There was certain Pan-like quality that didn't match anything I'd associate with Pan. When she heard the name in my head she said that by her filling my body (attuning me) I would be in greater attunement to Pan. By working with Pan, I'd be in greater attunement with her. However, she made it quite clear that they are not compatible at the same time. She was quite firm.
Regardless, she told me that in order to do what I needed to do, I needed to give up thoughts. This lined up nicely with moving on to air in the Stavish meditations. She said there were certain thoughts that kept me from projecting. She asked me if I was ready to give them up. I said yes. She made sure that I meant yes by asking, "No matter what they are?" Naturally, I agreed.
I then saw a string that dropped from my brain deep into the earth. She told me to release it and I did. It snapped back into the earth like elastic. This happened several times. Some were thoughts about myself, others, the work etc. One of those thoughts involved my inner need to be perfect. I am very hard on myself for not being perfect. Most of the time, folks are simply not aware at how much I beat myself up for my mistakes but I do. I asked where this thought came from.
Instantly, I was back in kindergarten. The image was quite clear. I was taken back to the point of a story long told in my family for a laugh. As a child, I would always want to color with the black crayon. My class mates would be more than happy to hand it over. A teacher noticed this and thought I was color blind. I was taken to three or four doctors. I think one of them was a mental health person but I could be mistaken on that point. On my second or third trip to an eye doctor to test for color blindness the doctor asked me why I colored with the black crayon. I said it was the only one I didn't have to wait for or fight over. Everyone laughed and off I went.
However, somehow in my young mind, this was connected that I had to be like everyone else or I was bad. I knew I wasn't like everyone else and off I went on this need to be perfect. It should be interesting to see if I give myself a break after this. Though she warned me that was a bit dangerous. If I am not balanced, I could go to the other extreme.
She made all sorts of promises about astral projecting soon. I will wait and see if that happens. Her soon and my soon may mean two different things. Human time and spirit time are not the same.
I did ask here if the strings tying me to the earth were reality. She did not have a way of explaining that to my mind. She said they were metaphor that were closely connected to reality.