Last night, instead of focusing on the nape of the neck before going to sleep, I meditated on it while fully awake. During the meditation I prayed to my HGA to teach me want needed to do to get past the water issues that are holding me up. Basically, I adopted the stance that the earthy water dreams I had were a clue in that direction. I dreamed of sitting with a red-headed member of the OSOGD and asking for further initiation. Unfortunately, I can not remember the group name I asked to be admitted to. My request was received with 'knowing' and pleasure.
The dreams I have had each night seem to be more directly related to my quest than most dreams I have. Though, I am not anywhere near lucid.
This evening I meditated on the issue that I discuss here as haunting me. I think I understand now. There is a saying I've used for a long time. I once told a seeker who was pontificating about his understanding, "You know but you don't know you don't know." This is where I have been for a long time. Now, I think I know and I know I know. My only doubt is that this has lasted for so long that it is hard to beleive I get it but it feels like I do.
This resulted in some work I can only share with my mentor.
I've started writing a tarot class to be given locally. My only raw magickal talent is the tarot. There are a couple of people that are respectfully afraid of my abilities in that area. I know exactly what I need to say but I am needing to do some research on a few things to get over a hurdle. I have only 2,500 words done so far but I will keep plugging away.
I am really in need of a conversation with VonFaustus. I will contact him when he is back from being silent.