Saturday, May 9, 2009

Brief Note

Today, I've been tired. Really tired. My back issues have long moved into my hips and legs now and it is even more tiring than before. Though, often the pain is more of a psychological struggle than anything else. It is a question of, "Can I beat it today?" 

No. Not today. My entire body and spirit fells oppressed as if the wings of my soul are stuck on fly paper. 

I did manage to read parts of Witching Culture and Between the Gates. I will do the next exercise in the latter. However, I felt myself being pissed off at my lack of intellectual knowledge regarding a wide variety of subjects involving what I do. 

4 comments:

Jow said...

There is SO much to learn in our chosen spiritual field, that you can dig infinitely deep and wander far and wide and never get it all.

Book learning is awesome. I think I can build a small house out of my library, but practice is even better. That gives you first hand, personal knowlage of the principles read about.

It's ok to have a bad day. I dont know the nature of the back problems but maybe you should look into massage or chiropractice to help if standard treatment isnt doing too hot?

A lot of lower back issues change the alignment of the lumbar spine, which throws off posture and your walking gait. It also tends to refer down into the hips and glutes because those muscles are trying to compensate for whatever is wrong.

Father Tim Mansfield said...

Frater,

Deep empathy for the journey with your spine. I've been on my own walk with back pain for a few years. One important realisation for me is that a lot of what determines my pain is the various muscle tensions that are bound up with my psychological knots.

I've had a huge amount of good fortune using an internal psycho-somatic inquiry method very close to Eugene Gendlin's "Focusing", which over time have allowed some of those knot-tensions to loosen and dissolve.

I'd love to tell you my back pain has gone, but in truth, it has mostly moved around, lessened and clarified. I do have periods with no pain and I have the definite sense of a story seeking resolution... so hopefully one day soon I'll be able to claim triumph.

In the meantime, I have a great osteopath who also does acupuncture and massage - it's also been very important at various times in this journey to get beaten to a pulp by compassionate hands from time to time.

I hope you find some ways to tame the pain. It's a killer for my mood and focus as well.

Gordon_Finn said...

Having lots of intellectual knowledge is overrated. I have a lot of it and having a lot is overrated.

Kate said...

Hi I just started reading your blog and haven't gotten to everything, so maybe this advice is a moot point, but here it is anyway...

In my late twenties I started having a lot of back pain that moved in the same direction as yours...

I have always slept on my stomach with two pillows under my head. This has never been uncomfortable at all...it feels ideal in fact, but for some reason I thought it might be related to my back pain anyway.

I reduced to one pillow and in a matter of a couple of weeks the pain was completely gone...so if you haven't already done this you might try to look at your sleeping position, even if it is comfortable it might be adding to the pain.

Just thought I'd pass that along.