Tonight, I am drunk blogging or at least tipsy blogging. You have been warned.
I figured out all the bullshit surrounding the very bad thing and the aftermath. I should be overjoyed. Yet, I cannot resist the behaviors that go with that pain. Even understanding and solutions brings pain. At the moment, I am feeling like a failure, hopeless and damaged beyond repair. I am not any of these things.
I am tired of trying to grow as a spiritual person. I am tired of my internal battles. I am tired of old 'friends' that refuse to make an effort. I am tired of how that impacts my friends that are willing to make that effort.
None of these things should have the emotional impact they are having tonight. I am up against a wall. The wall is an illusion.
This is a test of Saturn. Tonight, I am an utter mess. Even I am an illusion. Every thought, every idea, every belief is vapor, meaningless and void. I cannot help but to think, feel and experience this. If this is the best they can come up with, it is pathetic. I have been through hell. This is merely a desert.
I will pass but this sucks.
4 comments:
Robert, I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You're absolutely right on two counts: it sucks, and it passes.
I send strength your way. If that's not appropriate to your situation, deflect it, but know you aren't alone.
Thank you. I haven't seen you comment before now.
i am sorry for your trials and pains. i recognize and respect the divine within you and know that you have everything you need to overcome these. you are valued; you are loved.
I don't see the point in griping about your friends. Like attracts like and all of that. At least that is what I have found.
If they get on your nerves too much, just spend the time somewhere else.
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