Friday, October 12, 2012

The Trial

Tonight, I am drunk blogging or at least tipsy blogging. You have been warned. 

I figured out all the bullshit surrounding the very bad thing and the aftermath. I should be overjoyed. Yet, I cannot resist the behaviors that go with that pain. Even understanding and solutions brings pain. At the moment, I am feeling like a failure, hopeless and damaged beyond repair. I am not any of these things.

I am tired of trying to grow as a spiritual person. I am tired of my internal battles. I am tired of old 'friends' that refuse to make an effort. I am tired of how that impacts my friends that are willing to make that effort.

None of these things should have the emotional impact they are having tonight. I am up against a wall. The wall is an illusion.

This is a test of Saturn. Tonight, I am an utter mess. Even I am an illusion. Every thought, every idea, every belief is vapor, meaningless and void. I cannot help but to think, feel and experience this. If this is the best they can come up with, it is pathetic. I have been through hell. This is merely a desert.

I will pass but this sucks.

4 comments:

Writer Chick said...

Robert, I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You're absolutely right on two counts: it sucks, and it passes.

I send strength your way. If that's not appropriate to your situation, deflect it, but know you aren't alone.

Robert said...

Thank you. I haven't seen you comment before now.

Cheryl Reyes said...

i am sorry for your trials and pains. i recognize and respect the divine within you and know that you have everything you need to overcome these. you are valued; you are loved.

Soror Abyss-Eyes said...

I don't see the point in griping about your friends. Like attracts like and all of that. At least that is what I have found.

If they get on your nerves too much, just spend the time somewhere else.