Tarot Gig

I will be appearing the second Monday of the month at the Cottage in Bakersfield, CA as a tarot reader through March. If it works out, it will be a regular monthly gig. I am sure many of you will plan your vacations around my availability in Bakersfield. Perhaps, I should contact their Chamber of Commerce and Department of Tourism.

No work tonight. Too beat from the interrupted sleep chronicled last night.

Well, It is Like This

Today pretty much sucked. An upside is that I am not all that upset. Just a bit...miffed? Maybe that is the word.

I am officially getting demoted due to budget cuts. The union rules apply so the other guy in my position who is famous for doing as little as possible keeps his job as he has seniority. Naturally, I am a bit offended by garbage like that. However, the worst part is that I will have to tell a member of my staff that he is getting laid off. To me, it is just a pay cut that I can absorb. To him, it is a life changing experience. Telling him tomorrow isn't going to be fun.

The only upside is that the the good folks at the Enchanted Cottage in Bakersfield have been after me to be a regular tarot reader for them for some time. I am going to ask my boss for one Monday off a month to do that. It may open some doors.

Some Help

I popped into the temple room to see if I could skry a woman I know. She has had a couple of  readers vomit in the middle of her readings. When they are done barfing they refuse to be in the vicinity of her. I had a lock of her hair and used that to connect with her. I found a critter. I will not describe it as she may read this space and I don't want her to focus on it. I have a plan to get rid of it for her. I will post when I do something and the results. I am unlikely to post the hows and whys until after I know the critter is gone.

This post was written the evening of 11/29/10. It is scheduled to post on 11/30/10 on the off chance someone from work reads this and tells the guy before I can. That would be most uncool and demonstrate a lack of leadership skills.

Michael

I followed up on one of Michael's orders today. Well, I set an appointment to do so. I suppose that is the same thing.

This is what happens when you ask Raphael to 'take you someplace'

1:39 AM

I dreamed I was with a bearded older professor. I ate with him and one other personn in a restaurant. It was our first meeting.

He took me to a very rich place or home. There were three people there. These were magick users. I remember thinking that these were untrained non-GD people but they were very very good. Suddenly, we were in some sort of ritual. Apollo arrived pulled on a chariot. There was a dog there was in a position to have pulled the chariot. I kneeled while asking if it was okay to kneel before him and his dog. he said yes.

I didn't think I was nervous at all but Linda from work leaned over form a bench she was sitting on tried to get my attention. She couldn't 'wake me' even though I was awake. So, she knelt beside me. Apollo said that it was Hubris to accuse someone and not bring him. Linda tried to speak and all I wanted to do was agree with apollo. Eventually, I was able to do that and Apollo withdrew.

I am back in a restaurant with the professor and my father. I very humbly and gratefully thank the professor and tell him that because of him, I spend time with an entirely different type of people. I feel the people are intellectually superior, wiser and just plane better than whomever I was comparing them too. With deference and humility, he accepted the compliment with a humble nod. My father was there and demanded water. He needed as he was diabetic and for whatever reason needed it that instant. I gave him the water from a vase on the table and filled his glass twice. He finished and kicked his artificial leg high in the air twice complaining or explaining how the new legs are most uncomfortable.

On the way home, he wanted to ask the professor a question but we were forced into separate cars for some reason.. For reasons unexplained I was a on a wierd stretch of road that in my blurry eyed waking state I want to say that it was in the shape of a W (shin?). At some point, I made a wrong turn and wound up on a freeway going south when I needed to go north. I old me dad and he asked why I did that.

I exited and found a spot to turn around. As I did, I lost control of the car and slide hard into a grape field. There was a family there eating in their house. Looking out the window, they saw what I did. Someone came running out of the house first. The woman that followed her said something like "Oh Athena, those grapes were so nice and you hand girdled them." I'm not sure I directly recall them using that name but I know they used a name and it really seems right as I type.

Athena was pissed. As I opened my door to apologize and tell her I had insurance, she reached in the car, over me and stabbed my father in the leg with a potato peeler. She did this twice. As I was trying to shut the car door and get out of there, I awoke to see an eight foot tall Psychic standing over my bed. Her arms were spread wide like an image of Christ giving a blessing.

Back to bed for me. No, I will not proofread this. I just hope it makes sense tomorrow.

The Gift of a Master

The Psychic entered my temple space prior to using it for a reading. She noted the four beings standing guard and pointed out one specifically. I told her who that was. She said that he wanted to speak with me.

The Archangel Michael didn't wish to speak with me but to me. He issued forth orders. All of them seemed reasonable on target. He also showed me his light, its pattern and where I can carry that light. He told me that I had only seen him as fire but now I've seen more of him, much more.

This morning, exhausted from two nights of chatting and drinking my share of three bottles of wine over those two days, I felt compelled to enter my temple room and open my vision. The four were there. I understood that I can take them with me wherever I go and how to position them in my awareness. I did so as I walked away for a nap.

I focused as I lay there upon the angels. As my awareness of them slowly faded, energy rose up through my feet. Peaceful. Strong. Pleasant. My back felt a good measure of relief. I napped. After waking, I lunched and then tried to nap some more. Suddenly, I had one of those thoughts. So simple that I feel like a complete maroon -- as Bugs Bunny would say. I had neglected looking deeper into Michael. That means I had also neglected to look deeper into the others.

I thought of Raphael.

Raphael, showed me his huge form surrounded by blackness. Into that blackness, an opening appeared. The perfect circle was laid flat as if upon a floor. It allowed me to see past the darkness. I was afforded a glimpse of Raphael's wings. Beautiful. Awesome. Vivifying. These words cannot describe this vision. I asked, in my hubris, to see even more of him. The calm patient reply was that it is not his time. I longed for more and asked again receiving the same reply. He added that I need to return to Michael. I asked if I could stop by the others on my way. The answer was affirmative.

I went to Auriel. I found myself in a hedge maze. Sound familiar? Only this one was taller and very well kept. I raced through the maze as the ground moved me on its own. The maze never ended. I realized that to see the angel, I had to get off the track. The angel was in the hedge. This took some doing. There was no place to gain a solid foothold that wasn't moving. I averted my eyes from where I could see the track and focused on the bushes. This seemed to put my back to one hedge wall as I looked 'over' but without seeing the moving track beneath.

I pressed my face against that hedge without touching the track. Don't ask me how. I don't know. I became up close and personal to:

Branches. Twigs. They scratched at my face. Oops. No. Push past.

Welcome to the earth. Endurance. Vast Endurance. Unlimited Endurance. There was great comfort in that. I even snuggled down into the blankets and sheets more as my body responded to perhaps the most peaceful emotion I have ever experienced.

(Note: this I can carry with me?)

I saw mountains and rivers. The latter was a demonstration of how the earth cradles the water to sustain certain forms of life. How without this manifestation life would not exist. I saw valleys. Snow covered peaks. Vast plains. Every sight on my tour was as impressive and as holy as Raphael's wings. Peace. Endurance. To think the divine is not all around us...to remember the person that saw the manifest world as nothing but terror and obscurity, almost brings sadness but it cannot. It was a time. That time is past.

Gabriel was not as dramatic. I saw him from a distance as a man with wings. As he approached he was a water eagle of some kind. Demonstrating his transformative powers. I am no longer the snake.

To Michael. Again, he showed me his light. Then an odd blue vase. The bowl of which was very close to the bottom and over it a long stem. I have a similar shape upon my mantel. I did not understand this watery sign as it relates to Michael. He said I may never understand but it didn't seem to bother him any.

He told me that I can never understand all there is to the angels but now is the time to make that effort.

The Psychic opened up these visions for me. She pointed the way. How does one say thank you for that? How does one express the gratitude I feel at this moment? She gave me a gift only a master can bestow. She honored me and now I honor her.

Couch Lessons

This week The Psychic came for a visit. This is a little like eating dinner with Radar O'Reilly. She just knows things. Naturally, I stayed on the couch for a couple of nights. She left me with some lessons.

• Trust them/trust yourself -- I call spirits. I have relationships with them. Trust what they say. Trust what you see. The spirits the come to me are not unruly anymore. Some of  them never where.
• Open Up -- This one followed on the heals of the first. We dropped by the local occult shop to see if she felt what I felt there. Suddenly, I thought why am I asking her? Just open up. I felt something different in each of the four rooms. She experienced the same as I. I did the same thing this morning in a restaurant and found a happy little spirit in the banquet area that just loves the energy of those meeting for a shared purpose. He was a friendly little guy.
• She also pointed out that the LBRP angels are resident in my temple room. Color me shocked. Then she said that Michael wants to have a chat with me. So, I popped in. Chat? Michael issued some orders.  I wrote them down. He then asked for a promise that I'd follow those orders. I couldn't. One of them is something that I haven't been able to complete successfully in the past. I simply told him that I would not promise him anything I wasn't sure I could deliver but I would make an effort.(There is much more about this in the next post.)

 Yes, I know I've heard those words before. Sometimes  it his how or when they are said that makes them stick.

A friend and reader of this space saw this post about the Psychic and scheduled this reading. His line was, "Robert is very critical. If he recommended you, I knew you had to be good." She was. He told me it was well worth the money as well.

The Lesson of the Visiter

Last night, I posted about the visitor, MM. After the no-so-wonderful astral working that followed, I began to doubt my perceptions of the visit itself and the words I heard. This morning over cup of coffee and my Uncle Harry's bagel, I considered these things.

I failed to fully illustrate the conversation about not having a example to be simple. Within that portion of the conversation MM told me that I don't have an example of a holy man either. It isn't that there are not holy men about but my inner perception of a holy man is Jesus Christ or Buddha. As my friend J says, "You will not be satisfied until you glow." Yup, that is pretty much my attitude. MM relayed to me, without using these words, that holy man is comprised of two parts, the holy and the man. Being human and all that goes with it, does not mean one is not holy.

Being human and all that goes with it, does not mean one is not holy. I know technically those last two sentences say the same thing but the concept is so important I thought it should be said twice.

There is a lesson here. I think a profound one. I hear the words. I understand English, most of the time. However, I cannot scratch the meaning of this even one layer down. I know the deeper lessons are there. They will come in time. There are advantages to being a stubborn Leo.

Confirmation: MM used the word stalwart. That is way out of my standard lexicon. I knew what it meant but I simply never use that word. This is one of my confirmations that conversation was not my own fantasy.

A Visiter

5:30 PM

While driving home tonight, I felt something. yesterday, I described the feeling of an occult touch here. This was the same only it encompassed me from head to lap, it was warm, soft, loving. If the intensity level rose much higher,  I would have had to pull off the road. Now that I am home ten minutes later, the feeling remains.

It may be my mentor's mentor. Hard to say at this point.

6:36 PM

I have been chatting with my mentor's mentor (MM) tonight. At least, I suppose it is him. He told me that he was going to help me tonight as I do magick with my partner, hereafter referred to as Flower. I told him I had heard such things before and they never materialized. MM said that I need to meet such things halfway. All I need to do tonight is get out of my body.

A bit later, I sat calmly in meditative repose and spoke with him again. He asked me what my job is I said something. He said no that isn't your job. Your job is to be "stalwart and holy".

Stalwart: (dictionary.com)

1. strongly and stoutly built; sturdy and robust.

2. strong and brave; valiant: a stalwart knight.

3. firm, steadfast

Holy:

1.specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority; consecrated: holy ground.

2.dedicated or devoted to the service of god, the church, or religion: a holy man.

3.saintly; godly; pious; devout: a holy life.

4.having a spiritually pure quality: a holy love.

5.entitled to worship or veneration as or as if sacred: a holy relic.

6.religious: holy rites.

7.inspiring fear, awe, or grave distress: The director, when angry, is a holy terror.

 

I am to live and teach the simple lessons. Simple, he said, isn't so simple. I have no roll models. I thought of DuQuette and he said no. I am to do those simply easy things automatically so that others can take those lessons. 

From my view, simple is as simple as Maat. Balance as a concept is simple but it takes a goddess to maintain it. There is a quietness to simplicity. I asked about a phrase my mentor uses about altitude. He said no. Simple, everyday action is what he meant. 

Note: Being complimented by spirits is an ego warning, unless you're Rembrandt and being told you're a great painter. These are complimentary things but subtly so for a rough Leo mind. I will think on this.

So then Flower came over for a little astral projection work.

It sucked. I will post on that tomorrow.

Yup, I am a Tool

Tonight, I was innocently working on my talk for the rabbi that will occur two Sundays hence. I had suffered a couple of false starts but the time was drawing nigh. I had to continue.

An opening paragraph fell out and then another. Stuck again. Then, I felt a touch. When I feel an occult touch it is like a tingling sensation that usually starts on my head. The feeling extends three to twelve inches away from my body and may or may not flow across my arms and shoulders. I tried to feel who it was. The Psychic? My mentor? Various members of my former coven (as if they would bother)? My Gal? Nothing stuck.

I turned back to my writing and remembered that the rabbi asked me to include my lineage. Frankly, I don't borrow my magickal authority from a list of names. I respect those who have 'cooked' me, which is not the same thing as holding up my "certificates suitable for framing" and saying "Look at this!" Who initiated them is even less relevant to me. Two things are relevant when it comes to lineage. The first is were the initiators competent. Who made them that way is irrelevant. The second is much more important, who taught you and who taught that person? The name of my teacher will not matter to my audience. My teacher and his teacher are in shadows. They haven't published as far as I know. My mentor hasn't found vainglorious ways to present himself at Pantheacon.

I thought I'd include the names anyway. So, I texted my mentor and asked his teacher's last name. It wasn't long before he called me asking why I wanted to know. He was in tears. He told me how proud he was of me and my work and explained that I am the last of his teacher's magickal grandchildren. My mentor's teacher was my Hiereus at my neophyte. The symbolism of that relationship holding that position is simply awesome.

It seemed my mentor's teacher, long since deceased, had come calling tonight. This, quite understandably, shook up my mentor a bit. About that time, I sent a text asking the man's last name for my speech. It was one of those moments, for my mentor, where you just can't convince yourself something didn't just happen. One cannot convince oneself  a ghost, who was making a point, was imaginary when your student texts you his name at that precise moment.

So, I was just used as tool by a dead adept. That isn't a bad thing at all.

Oddly, I had been thinking of my teacher's teacher the last few days.

A Funny Thing Happened...

Moloch posted something here on evocation. That started a train of thought. I had some issues with what he said. I agreed with other parts of what he said.

I started two posts. The first was about the process of evocation and teaching. The second was about theurgy and thaumaturgy. I didn't finish either.

If you've read the last few day's posts, you've learned I had a special weekend. I experienced a level of unity that I've never before experienced. Last night, I did what I said I would do and chatted with Hermes about how to maintain this peace and unity. He gave me the briefest of visualizations and an understanding of the basic meanings. He hinted at an accompanying mantra but I just can't put it together quite yet.

I thought of that teaching today and it worked. I became joyful, loving and peaceful. I bantered with people in line when I bought some lunch. We laughed like old friends. One was a seventyish old man. The other was the matronly Mexican woman behind the counter. We had a good time.

Theurgy can effect the mundane world in a very positive way.

Funny thing happened, after lunch, simply being aware that I can reach this peace so quickly made the idea of countering Moloch's post boring, pointless and uncomfortable. I deleted both would be posts.

Peace, pretty damn cool.

New Blog

Moloch has started a blog here.

Moloch does stuff I'd never consider doing which is why I will read his blog.

Moloch knows what he is talking about, except when he disagrees with me.

Moloch is very controversial.

Moloch, like Jason, sells his magical services.

I expect that at some point, Moloch and I will argue. Moloch will simply call me an F---head and then we'll argue some more. There are times I like Moloch. There are times I don't. I think Moloch is one of those people that is totally okay with that.

Staying Connected

I think last night may have changed my life. At some point in the spiritual quest one is just a drip that becomes a trickle, a brook, creek, river, ocean. I will not assess where I am on that chain but the flow is stronger now.

I wrote the above this morning. I didn't hit the send button because I was so peacefully emotional that I thought I'd make four or five posts today. Rather than being that annoying, I waited to see what came up.

Overall, I have had a good day. I texted my partner, for whom I need to find a better nickname, to make sure she was okay. Sometimes strong magicks unsettle her. She said that she felt like a jigsaw puzzle that has finally been put back together. She felt beautiful! What music that was to read! Then she said she felt a bit selfish for all she had taken from me. To feel that good, she had to have taken. No. I was great. I thought she gave to me. As Hermes said, it was sharing without taking. Nice.

As I took my walk tonight, I felt lonely. I thought that this was the inevitable consequence of being so connected last night. It is obvious that one cannot stay connected forever. Then I thought, why not? Are we not meant to be in union? In that place, from that place, one could be a blessing to many. Peace.

I am going to chat with Hermes and see if I can develop some personal meditations that can take me to that place. Performing them a time or two a day may do the trick. Some will say that one cannot stay connected that long. You have to keep your feet on the ground. Perhaps, but I want to give it a try.

Is that me being "the Presumptuous One" again? Or am I that close to what I've sought my adult life? Or, is this just another platform to stand on as I continue my climb?

Even typing this, I feel the connection returning. Peace. To share this without taking...I pray that is the next step.

Souls Unfolding

Last night, my partner and I called the Helpful Deity.

My partner has had some difficulty with our workings with the Helpful Deity since It has decided to land in her instead of myself. She is a very emotionally cautious soul. She works hard to stay grounded. Letting go can be difficult for her.  When HD is near and wants to land in her and she cannot allow it, we feel It like a subtle cloud floating around us. This indeed is a pleasant feeling. I was also an obvious sign of a barrier that my partner needed to work through.

We planned to ask how contacting HD has changed us or what effect it is having. I had another question in mind but I had forgotten by the time we started talking about the working. Then we decided to include a question about how my partner could be more open to invoking HD.

As I began to meditate in preparation for our working last night, I almost immediately fell into a new mantra. While not as precise as the very first mantra we used, it was beautiful. I'd like to say that I knew things would be totally new but I didn't. I was utterly focused on the mantra. I was then inspired to use a new tool to call HD as it fit with the mantra, a bell. I left the temple room and brought in my singing bowl which I used as a bell.

The call was awesome. Quiet. Gentle. HD immediately appeared in my vision. After a while, I altered the call to gain Its highest aspect. The beautiful thing about the call was that it lent itself to be shortened and shortened again as it came to a close. Nice work that. I wish I could claim the call came from me but it was of HD's authorship.

HD was tentatively in my partner. The cloud feeling was there but I could tell there was a deeper grip than normal. My partner could not speak. I could tell she was trying. After a bit, I gently asked, "Perhaps someday, you can tell us how you have changed us." Still, she could not speak. "Perhaps someday, you can tell us of how [one of its animals] relates to you." Still, she could not speak. "Perhaps someday, you can tell us how [my partner] can open a door to you, open her heart."

Still she could not speak.

At this point, Hermes made an appearance within me. As soon as I felt him, she spoke. "Flowers unfolding in the sunlight." This was the answer to how working with the HD was impacting us. We both had a vision of yellow flowers open to a pure blue sky. The grass beneath was short, not mowed, but naturally short. I said, "Thank you. I understand." Again she could not speak, I allowed Hermes a greater presence within me. Hermes explained sharing in the context of Its animal that I referenced above -- sharing without taking. More words flowed from my partner. The more I took Hermes in the more my partner could speak.

That is when something odd happened. We didn't need to speak. We didn't need to hear. We felt. HD was within her, Hermes in me. We stood there, aware, inches apart. Humans. Gods. Intimacy. Love. Present. Alive. Peaceful. Radiant. We were not overwhelmed with emotion or anything else.

Balance had been achieved. This was like working with Maat. Though, never have I experienced anything with that fullness of scope. This is as close to the perfected moment of union with the divine as I have ever experienced. These were transcendent forms of these deities. Perhaps we found the most transcendent forms of ourselves that we were capable of manifesting in that moment.

After quite a long time, my partner decided to return to normal space. We left our temple space.

As we sat in my living room. We began to discuss the mantra and how it came to me. In that discussion, I said a few words of the first mantra we used during our first callings of the Deity. HD and Hermes immediately arrived within me. Now it was my turn to be unable to speak. Eventually, I was able to share the meaning of the first mantra. They shared it all with me except the last line. The meanings in retrospect were obvious but neither of us knew prior to the explanation. Gods are cool like that.

We sat in my living room saying virtually nothing for a very long time. At some point, she said, "You are so peaceful. How do you do that?" Those words are never anything I ever expected to hear. Leo's are not known for peace.

She went home as we were both about to fall asleep.

Hermes

I have been praying a lot to Hermes. He has been so very helpful. Two days ago, I had to go into a meeting on an emotionally charged topic at work. The group I met with have a reputation as being most difficult. I prayed to Hermes beforehand. I ended up running the meeting in a whole new way. It became 'my meeting' not theirs to complain and whine. It went very well. So well that two members of this difficult group stopped me in the hallway to thank me for coming and three more sent emails saying the same thing.

Despite that experience and many others like it, I've never experienced Hermes like I did last night. Perhaps, I should say that I haven't been aware of it. I learned something. Hermes creates, at least for me, a negative masculinity. This is the ability to create by doing nothing. This is creation by allowing nature to fill in a vacuum. I think this is the most subtle form of magick that I have ever learned. I couldn't describe how to do that, not because I wouldn't but because there are no words for this.

Last night, was a culminating point in years and years of work. Last night was a beginning.

Today, I feel a great love for all. It is like celibate polyamory.

Priesthood

I have tried to write this post several times. After last night's experience with Annubis, I am trying again.

Sometime after my  Alexandrian neophyte, I thought being a priest sounded pretty good. I have no idea why. It never occurred to me before. There was no prior desire in that direction, none. I have already chronicled that my Alexandrian path was a disaster. I was reminded of why last night after the Anubis rite in a ways I will not chronicle here. Their mode of thought is utterly alien to my own.

Priesthood has returned to my thoughts over the past few months.  There are many forms that I think of as priestly but they have different names, pastor, deacon, holy man, rabbi, preacher and a host of others. When I examined my thoughts on priestly service, I landed on the idea of the Catholic priest. From my perspective, which may be theologically incorrect, the Catholic priest intercedes with "God" for or on the part of the laity. He performs the rites that lead to Holy Communion. He hears their 'sins' and forgives them 'for'* Christ or at least passes on the message of forgiveness.

(* for is in quotes because I didn't know the proper word to use.)

The Druid is a priest. He organizes rituals, counsels, guides and provides a place for pagans of all stripes.

My mentor is a priest by my definition as he has officiated the initiation rituals. Those rituals require a human to work for the gods and the candidate. He intercedes and brings them together. He works for the candidate and does not expect the candidate to serve him. He counsels and provides a holy place.

I find myself becoming a different sort of priest. I stand between lay people, magicians, witches, pagans of all stripes and certain aspects of the gods. I have done so through divination. I have done so as a temporary priest of the Helpful Deity. I did so for my friend with Anubis last night. I will do so again. I appear to have the ability to call upon a wide variety of gods. Oddly, this ability isn't all that different that reading the tarot, which was my only acknowledged talent to this point.

I am thinking at this point that the primary duty of such a priest is to be true to the god or goddess I'm calling at the moment or to the generic "God" when the Universe comes calling. My job is to pass the message in as true form as possible without owning what the human that hears that message does with it. This is a bit like being a mailman. The sender of the letter trusts the mail will be delivered unaltered. The receiver trusts the postman not to provide advice on which catalog to take and how to manage all those bills.

My job is not to bring the seeker to the deity in question. My job is to manifest as much of that deity as possible for the person that comes to me for such aid.

I can do that.

Annubis

I invoked Annubis for a friend that used to be a member of my lodge. At one time, she had a strong relationship with the god but then let that fade.

I saw him as I began to meditate. He appeared as I would have to imagine him in order to invoke within a GD temple setting. The invocation process was easy. As soon he was invoked within me my arm or arms moved into the appropriate position. Still, my mind wasn't 100% sure I had him. I followed my compulsion to move to a particular place in my temple room.

My voice said, "What is it your seek?" The answer was, "Your approval..." There was no longer a doubt. The resulting dialogue was Anubis, not myself. There was a beautiful moment as he handed her the cup and talked of libations and a loving heart. Yes, I know, that doesn't sound like Anubis but it did within context. My friend cried as the ritual ended. Apparently, she heard the messages she needed to hear.

As for me, the god form was strong. It ended very cleanly. I have no residuals from it at all. Normal consciousness arrived as I was reversing the ritual.

Side Note:

Anubis is a god of the underworld and death. As we finished a text message arrived about a friend in very serious condition in the hospital. The message we first received was that he may not make it through the night. This message was apparently an excited utterance. Things are very serious but not that immediately bad. Work, will of course be done on his behalf. It just seems a very strange message to receive after working with Anubis.


Picture of Anubis from here.

The Psychic

Tonight, I took advantage of the psychic's offer to investigate my back problems. She did get one significant and pertinent fact incorrect. One statement, though true, she may have gathered through observation. However, there is no way she uncovered me to the core by mere chance or some sort of gleaned knowledge. She made linkages between things that only my mentor and Lon DuQuette had ever been told. I am not even sure I told my mentor. She hit me with other things that old Robert may have denied in years past. Modern Robert saw the truth in what she had to say immediately.

How she managed to do a psychic reading on me when I wasn't even on the phone with her but was driving around town running errands is beyond me. She is the real deal. If for whatever reason you need a psychic reading done, contact me and I will put her in touch with you. She charges $125 a pop and is worth every penny. That statement comes from the cheapest magician I know.

Because she hit other things right, I am going to experiment with some things I didn't understand. She said I wear too many masks and it is time to drop them. Personally,  I think I  am a what you see is what you get kind of guy. My only intentional deception on who I am is that I am not out at work as a magician. That is the only reason you don't see my photo on this blog.

So, I am going to do some of the thought form magick I have done in years past. Sometime soon, I am going to send out a thought form to expose to myself a mask that a) I don't realize I wear and b) have the psychological ability to get rid of. I will keep you posted.

She also says that I feel guilt about the circumstances about my original back injury. I wouldn't use the world guilt. I would use the world responsibility. Regardless, she says I need to get rid of that. I will be doing some thought form magick on that score too.

Upcoming Plans and Something Practical

Lots of things going on of late:

Upcoming Plans: I will be invoking Annubis for an old friend soon. She wants a conversation with him. I always like being out of touch for a while for things like this. I cannot anticipate her questions or the answers she seeks.

I have plans for more work with the Helpful Deity as well.

I have also been working to being more open. I have begun opening the portal in daily life. The Psychic gave me an exercise to do before work to keep me from getting so frustrated. It works. It also works when I open the portal and pray. I do this a lot throughout the day. I've been so much calmer, more loving.

Today, during a tough meeting, I opened the portal during a break. I saw the tree of life. Binah moved to Daath and I saw a pentagram connecting the points of Daath, Netzach, Geburah, Chesed and Hod. Daath became the observer (thanks Rabbi). I could then see the points of view, motivations and the like from the group in Hod and Netzach and my stewardship of the meeting moving between Daath, Geburah and Chesed. Fascinating. Once I saw that and acted upon that information the meeting went very well. Maybe there is something to this occult stuff. (grin)

So Sayeth the Rabbi

So, there I was minding my own business Friday night innocently opening an email. It was a reply to my Veteran's Day post that I placed on a local pagan list. Only, it wasn't a reply to that at all.

My friend and local anthropologist, Penny, invited me to attend a lecture given by a local rabbi on the qabala. Given that I start any teaching I do the qabala by stating that we don't use the qabala as a Jewish person would, I thought it would be a jolly good idea to learn how Jewish folks did it.

I left Bakersfield earlier than I had intended in order to make it back in town in time. I immediately liked the Rabbi. He radiated good fun energy and love. A synagogue was a new experience for me. We sat very close to the holy place. This was not a place called a holy place. It was a holy place. I really enjoyed the energy. The guitar and drumming made this pagan feel right at home.


I noticed a friend of the rabbi's stare at me during many parts of his talk. I thought this a bit odd.
It has been said that a magickal lodge is a group of people that get together and agree to a common mispronunciation of Hebrew. The rabbi of course doesn't have that problem and it was a joy to hear the words I have used pronounced properly. I was really overjoyed to hear him explain things about the Kabbalah that I worked on and learned intuitively through the study of the Qabala.

At one point we had to tell the person next to us what we really really really wanted. I spoke of my desire to manifest the highest aspects of my soul in the hear and now. I also said that I used the qabala as taught in the Golden Dawn tradition to do so. Much to my surprise, the rabbi then declared that our partners would publicly share what we just told them privately. My partner forgot everything I said on the soul but did mention my interest in the Golden Dawn. When he did so the rabbi's eyebrow's shot up. As soon as my partner stopped talking, the Rabbi declared I'd teach them about the Golden Dawn. I have a fifteen minute presentation to prepare.

Once things wound down to a bit of social chit chat, the staring person came over to me as she's always wanted to meet a Golden Dawn person. It would appear that I have more introductory teaching to do with her.

Results

On December 7, 2009, I did some thought form work using the two of pentacles as a focus. The goal was to pay off my car early. I had the financial resources. There was no reason not to do this. I simply hadn't made the basic efforts. I hadn't exercised the discipline. The following simple thoughts grew out of that ritual: make extra payments and use your tax refund. I assumed a normal tax refund and calculated how much additional money I'd need to pay off the loan. The bulk of the extra payments were made in May and June. All I really needed was two very disciplined months and one or two mildly disciplined months.

The long term discipline came in staying out of debt until the tax refund arrived. I have always been very disciplined about staying out of large debts but I'd lose that ability once a year and end up paying for that lapse with the tax refund. So far this year, that didn't happen. Not only am I on track for paying off the car two to two and a half  years early. I am on track for not using the entire refund to do it.

This magick was subtle. How many times did I say, "I really don't need that?" I am sure it was many but never once did I think it was the result of that magick. The debt snowball never happened. Lacking a dramatic turning point, I can not point to a time and say that was a crucial moment when the magick worked. However, I am exactly where I planned to be and it is a place I never managed to be before.

This act of magick was based on a thought form. That form was 'energized' by a tarot card. That energy came form a deep understanding of the card that passes beyond the intellectual. That understanding came from my knowledge of the qabala and from doing Enochian magick using the Tablet of Union. I mention this as from time to time I am asked how the qabala translates to the realm of practicual magick.

The qabala is a map of the entire universe. Everything that humans can experience, the theory goes, can be placed on the tree. Once you know the Tree of Life that well and the associations with deity name and symbol sets become real, the knowledge easily lends itself to practical magickal work.

Tarot Readings

I am now offering tarot readings via phone or Skype. Rates are $20 per 15 minute session. I am usually available for appointments Monday thru Thursday from 6:00 PM to 9:30 PM PST. I will not schedule readings later than that because fatigue does not help to produce good readings. However, if you catch me on an evening when I'm feeling particularly chipper, you may talk me into it. I am also available for weekend appointments when I am not traveling. Please click on the email button on the page, this link or leave a comment asking for a reading.. If you leave your email address in the comment, I will contact you. I will not publish such comments.

Veteran's Day

What follows is my annual Veteran's Day post. While technically off-topic, what these folks have and are willing to sacrifice should never be off-topic from our hearts.

I would also like to thank the Fresno Pagan veterans that I am aware of: WitchDoctorJoe, Chris G and Izzy. I'm sure there are more of you. Also the readers of this blog that have served. Consider yourselves thanked.

Veteran's Day is here. While many of us do not approve of they way our armed forces have been used, I believe it is good to remind ourselves that the armed forces are made up of individuals whom are trying to do the 'right thing'. These men and women serving today are not so different from those that served in the past.

My father's father was stationed in Germany immediately after World War II. They lived near Supreme Allied Command Europe Head Quarters. As young boys they would sneak into the basement of the building (the times were different then) and watch captured German war footage. He once told me that the images he saw were worse than anything shown on television about the holocaust. Right there he said, "Never again."

After high school, he enlisted in the army and after basic was asked if he wanted to volunteer. "For what," he asked. There was no meaningful reply. He said yes and found himself in counter intelligence school. At around the age of twenty, during the height of the cold war, he walked in the streets of Russian cities not knowing a word of the language and accomplished his tasks. I once
asked him how he managed to blend in. He said, "I just kept telling myself I am a Russian. I am a Russian." Alone, he walked through snow covered mountains, was dropped into inhospitable desserts and was once the only agent to get in and out of Romania alive. Unlike many heroes that acted on a spur of the moment impulse, this hero consciously chose each life threatening mission, as every mission was
strictly volunteer. He actively chose to risk his life -- routinely. He didn't do this for the GI Bill, money for college or anything else. He did it because of a boyhood promise. Never again.

People like this never retire until their bodies do. He worked missions long after he left the military for medical reasons. "Never again," he said.

Much later in life he once told me that it wasn't until many years later that he realized all our enemies were 'over here.' My father ascribes to no religion but would and has put his life on the line to make sure that you can practice yours.

So on this Veteran's Day remember my father and the many men and women like him that have served this country for the right reasons, for honorable reasons and because they are heroes. What would the world be like if we were all half as brave?

-- A Proud Son

Take a moment to thank a vet. Those of us who have not put ourselves in harms way can not imagine the sacrifices they have made for us.

This Morning's Astral Work

I woke up at 5:00 AM this morning...on...my...day...off. UGH! So, I made the best of it. I sat up, focused on my portal and tried to astral project.

I decided to do the little method, which is described in The Art and Practice of Astral Projection by Ophiel. This method is to find markers in your home and focus on them one by one as guide posts. You repeat this daily until success is acheived.

I had decent but not great visions of my marking places. As my mind lost focus, I had better visions of other places as my mind flitted around like a humming bird. At one level this shows an undisciplined mind. On another level, there is a clue there. I shouldn't focus on getting there but on being there. As I had these strong visions of other places, I noted that I didn't feel like I was there. It is more than looking at a picture of a place but not like being there. Most places have a particular feel to them. I didn't have the feel.

That is until I found myself in a temple room in Bakersfield. I felt that. I felt it so strong it was hard to leave. I had to come back to myself and then move elsewhere. This is progress.

I then managed to go back to sleep for an hour.

Astral Projection Experiment Twist

Tonight's magickal work has proven a bit odd. My original goal was to do a certain act of thaumaturgy. This was going to be hush hush. The act is irrelevant to this post. I didn't feel like doing it. I simply didn't. I felt that the night was being wasted. It was quiet here. I wasn't studying. I wasn't writing. I wasn't doing magick. So, I thought I'd work on some astral projection.

I did the LBRP and a middle pillar. I was going to call the planetary hierarchy of luna when I was inspired to do the sepherotic hierarchy of Yesod instead. I did so. Praying to each spirit as I called. My body felt very much alive as the energy moved across my arms, torso and legs.

I sat in my temple room chair and simply didn't know what to do. So, remembering the lesson from the last experiment, I focused on air. I felt little currents of air go through my astral body. I felt the air within. This was more elemental than thought, which is often associated with air. This had the properties of air clear, warm, moist, movement. I slowly let myself feel the air around me All the while I am having visions of my living room.

I then moved outside and saw a pillar in front of my house and then the mailbox. I was inspired to surround it as in manifesting my astral form around the mailbox. I could feel the mailbox within my astral form. It was too solid. It was uncomfortable. This was not a good idea. I backed away. In writing this I realize that a mailbox is communication which is associated with air. I then thought of different outdoor spots the neighbor's house, the street and a spot I stood in the night before on a walk which was some distance away. I had clear visions of each of these places but didn't feel like I was really there. Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't.

I realized that I was where my mind drifted. This will help the next time I am looking for my partner when we project together.

The interesting part was when I found myself back in that forest area from the previous post. I didn't want to be there. So I came back. I hit the water area. Then to my left was the fires. The fire moved over the waters forming a beautiful lotus flower. The ideas flooded in.

I allowed this to happen again only to form a much smaller object which I set out like a thought-form do the magick I was going to do tonight anyway. I realized this was a magickal formula that was quite easy for me to use. Next time, I will deliberately call fire and water and mix in this way.

In the working, I focused on Air. I encountered fire and water. The letters that represent these mother elements are Aleph (air), Shin (fire) and Mem (water). Put them together and one has Asheem. The angels of the sephiro Yesod, which i called as I began.

Some Internet Class - Domestic Witch

Today, I noticed a post at the Domestic Witch. Apparently, she cut things a little close and was accused of plagiarism. She didn't get defensive. She didn't lie. She didn't duck. She copped to it. Sure she said she didn't do it on purpose. I believe her because she used no wiggle words.

The post that drew this to her attention came form the famous Pagan Soccer Mom. She also demonstrated class by not accusing anyone directly. She just mentioned how it has happened so many times before and how she felt about the situation.

I am confident the Domestic Witch will not do this again. Drama over.  Simple. No where was heard the threat of a retaliatory spell. I'm sure the Domestic Witch didn't make a dime. I suppose Soccer Mom may have lost a dime, maybe, possibly but I doubt it. She's the queen of popular witch blogging as far as I can tell.

This is significantly different then the situation with Jason and RO where their books were found printed out for sale at some pagan event by someone definitely trying to rip them off. This is either direct proof of the person's disbelief in magick or proof of stupidity. I'm talking super nova type stupid. I'm talking qasar stupid, galactically stupid. Frankly, ripping off RO is dumb enough. With no slight to RO, Jason has a TON of experience with the type of magick necessary to deal with a jerk like this. This guy messed with BOTH of them? He may have become the next black hole.

I may blog later on something else. I just want to give props to the Domestic Witch. Anyone can do something not so good once in a while. She didn't run. She didn't hide. That is respectable. 

Feelings in Magick / Something Larger

After a recent post, Wolf complimented one post while pointing out a post a lot about my feelings and/or my back issues. Which, I assume is not good in his opinion.

Magicians must reconcile the whole. All. Everything. Everything. The given theory on the tree of life is that the tree is a microcosmic and macrocosmic map. If one's personal tree is in perfect alignment, it may...

I grew up suppressing feelings. Hiding. I hid everything I felt from everyone. I created false emotional walls. Why? I don't know. I just did. Eventually, I had a very small emotional tool kit. I'm rediscovering many of those. I have posted before that I have walked around with a smile on my face for no reason and how amazed I was by that. They have a word for that. It is called growth. Growth toward balance.

These things are as crucial to the spiritual advancement of a magician as the spell work, astral visions/travel, initiations, everything.

A theory holds that we have a physical body, an intellectual body, an emotional body and a spiritual body. Neglect one of them at your peril.

This is why I am focusing on accepting my abilities. It sounds like odd emotional angst. However, this is just one more act of reconciliation.

Modern Theme In Magick

I quote Jason in his post:

Gordon wrote an excellent piece about his own emerging interest in Christianity that mentioned not only the fact that it can be terrifying, but that the reason for at least part of that terror is the element of surrender in Christianity. As Gordon notes in the post: "A magical worldview leans more toward taking charge and doing things yourself".

This is especially true of modern magic. In fact, the focus on the self has been the overall theme of most of the Magical, New Age, Self-help, and Spiritual movements of the last 150 years. Even when people get involved in traditional eastern religions like Buddhism, they often misinterpret it as being all about self-discovery and self-actualization. We ask ourselves questions like: What do I want to be? What are my goals? What should I do with my life?

In the orgy of self focus it is easy to loose sight of anything larger than our own ego.

Yes, he is correct. Those that do not know why they are focusing on the self get lost.

In a beginning mode, one can focus on the self. Purify. Purify. Purify. So, you get rid of crap that interferes with your life, crap that interferes with your awareness, crap that interferes with your relationships. Yup, getting over yourself and repairing that relationship with your family that was destroyed when you were a twenty year old druggie sure is selfish.

So, once you line you line yourself up properly, what do you think happens? Could it be that you gain sight of that which is larger than your own ego?

I am a Blogging Machine! Jack Faust

It would appear that today is my day to blog. I literally have three more half-written posts. I think this is my third published blog of the day. I haven't written this much here in a day in quite a while. The latest thing to spark my interest is this:

...Location and early magick: I agree that the two seem to be linked in some way. I think we isolate our early aesthetic needs – in terms of ritual – based on what we do, and where we do it, early on. And that the two continue to be tied later, but often unconsidered as elements relating to each other.

It is from the comment section to this post from Jack Faust's website, which I've recently added to the blogs I follow list. I'm not sure why Jack has a blogger blog and a website blog. You'll have to ask him. 


So, location and magick. I don't  have much experience with this as you can see from the bullet points below:

• I started doing magick in my home many years ago as I was afraid of being known for doing magick.
• I became a neophyte Alexandrian 'witch'. Witch is in quotes because I was never a good witch. We practiced indoors most of the time. Further, despite beating people up for not willing to do skyclad rites, we did few. I'm still called to skyclad rites but there are not many others I know that are.
• I have a perfectly acceptable temple space in my home that is well used and glows with light. Why go anywhere else?
• I have a little spot in my back yard consecrated by John Michael Greer and the former My Gal. Being in ritual with Greer is like being in ritual with Moses.  Why go anywhere else?

Why? Because that is where the magick is! My magick may be in a nice secure temple room. However, I have tromped around forests and met spirit loci. It was fun. I liked it. I fail to see what I shouldn't do more of that.  Of course there is the my old conundrum, do what? Frankly, I have what I need in life, a good job, good friends, long term security in retirement (probably), a house. I'm pretty high up on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

I do not have a sick cow that needs healing. I don't have a weevil infested wheat field to deal with. Aliens are not making 'crop circles' in my weed choked front yard.

It may be good to learn about the spirits of buildings like Jack has done (see website). This may help in the future if I am ever called to exorcise a building, I suppose. I may be able to understand a given industry if I poke around its oldest haunt in town. There are learning opportunities out there. Learning the occult from various aspects is something I want to do. I know what I know but I know there is much more.

The Helpful Deity may be interesting to call from the city, country and parks. Hermes may be as well. Neither takes any ritual gear at all. Maybe learning to project from a park may be of use. It may certainly be more interesting that running along a suburban street. Now that is an idea. Learning to do things from anywhere can't be too much of a bad thing. I seem to be on a roll in that area right now.

So, will I do such things? It seems like ideas I'd want to put in practice but never actually do. We'll see. I posted manly for those folks that will do those things or never thought of it. If this appeals to you, read Jack's work. This is his line of work more than mine.

Tarot Readings and Astral Projection

I have been doing  a lot of tarot readings of late. I have done quite well with them. It has made me begin to wonder what a tarot reading really is. What are my assumptions?

• The cards are a perfect representation of the universe.
• Everything that humans can experience exists within the cards.
• The 'map' the tarot provides us is closely related to or analogous to the Tree of Life
• The cards are laid out for the benefit of the reader not the querent...most of the time.
• Deities and the psychic abilities of the tarot reader combine with the willingness of the querent to form the reading.
• The cards that appear provide suitable windows to the pertinent issues. They do not reveal the entire nature of the querent.
• Each card is a starting point, forcing something to conform to a rigid meaning is counterproductive.
• The deck is a complete system. Failing to understand its system is a failing of the reader.
• The oracle is always right. Sometimes we fail in proper interpretation.
• The reader should get the background of a situation correct.
• The outcome is mutable. Outcomes depend upon the actions of the querent, usually.

 Astral Projection

I have been asked to provide some books on astral projection and astral work. I have two recommendations.

The first I haven't recommended here previously.

I recommend Ophiel's work, The Art and Practices of Astral Projection,  because it is simple and to the point. There are very practical exercises for very practical minded people. There isn't a lot of theory. Frankly, this book didn't work for me. It is obvious that it would work for others.

The other book is Mark Stavish's Between the Gates: Lucid Dreaming, Atral Projection and the Body of Light in Western Esotericism. This is much more along the lines of those who work systems and have a penchant for enlightenment. This book is very helpful. It helped me to have more than one lucid dream that has been chronicled in this space.

In the long run, what tipped me over the edge was hard work and certain initiations performed by others. Regardless of that, expect to work. If you're a natural talent or a fractured person, you can do this already. All you may need is refinement. If you're buying a book, you can't do it. That means you'll have to work at it like any other skill.

Realizations, Trials, Psychics and Bagels

Last night, the Druid kicked my ass over this post. He took umbrage with the dubious and skeptical lens I through which I view my magickal abilities. He told me that if I don't understand the power I wield, I could hurt someone I am trying to heal. He used the example of all the fire in that ritual mentioned in the post. Too much energy in a healing can be as bad as too little or even worse. He made his point.

There is also a new character in my life to be known as the Psychic.  I mentioned the conversation with the Druid. She said he was right and asked me to go into a quiet room and ask myself why I refuse to accept my abilities and to tell her the first thing that came to mind. The answer was that I am afraid to see the universe as it really is.

So last night, I allowed myself to accept. It lasted two-tenths of a second. In that moment, I felt my entire body relax. All tension was gone. That same body rejected the idea. The phenomenon was the very much the same as my experiences with what I call full light of day astral vision. This is when I can see astrally with the same clarity as I see the physical world at noon. Most of the time, I see through the glass darkly. Though that darkness is getting lighter and lighter all the time. When I see at full light of day, it only lasts for an instant before it instantly shuts down. The recent event with fire was very bright but not full light of day.  I am confident this instant shutting down will go away in time and with practice.

Later, I simply focused on accepting my abilities. I didn't seek to boost them in my own perception. I did not inflate them in any way. In fact, no specific ability was even entered my mind. It was as a simple acceptance, a willingness not to fight myself. The struggle was almost physical. I could feel the tensions grow and move throughout my physical body. My guess is that they actually reside in the etheric. I simply felt them as physical.

This morning, I went for my traditional weekend morning bagel and coffee at Uncle Harry's. I began to read a book on pagan mentoring. I highly recommend this work if you're considering mentoring from a pagan perspective. As sometimes happens with fiction, something about it lifted my mind to an occult level.

I opened my mind to accepting my abilities. Again, they were unspecified, generic but highly personal. This really isn't talking myself into something. It is letting go of resistance. This is not easy for me. As my focus increased, I noticed the other patrons of Uncle Harry's staring at me. I've mentioned since incidents before. It was only one table of people this time. My concentration broke.

As I regained focus, I heard the voice of the Helpful Diety reminding me of one of Its titles. WHAM! I could suddenly place It on the tree of life. I've encountered two aspects of this deity and both immediately placed themselves on the tree. One aspect within a sephira and the other on a path. So simple! The implications for my own acceptance of Self was obvious. Making this manifest within will still be a challenge. However, now I have the keys. It will happen.

It also instructed me to use my qabalistic knowledge in our rituals with her. I did note it was the knowledge, not the ritual forms.

These things I am encountering now are the result of friendships. My magickal partner, the Druid and the Psychic all played their part. It is wonderful to be surrounded by so many teachers.

Astral Work and Ice Cream

Friday night, I worked with my magick partner. Normally, we get together to contact the Helpful Deity. This time we did some more ceremonial based work. Our goal was to astral project along the earthly plane. I wanted to see her astral form in my temple space. Then move outside my home and look around my street and come back. My partner would have been very content to simply stay put in the temple area.

I did the LBRP. I used the banishing pentagram specific to the elemental quarter rather than just banishing earth. Then I did the BRH. We performed a middle pillar together. I then called the hierarchy of Levanah. Each of us uttered specific prayers to those spiritual forces to aid us in our intention for this moment's work. Those prayers were specific to traveling along the earthly plane. The reason for that is that the last time we did this her prayer for my travel included the word 'desire'. I thought that may be why I landed in Netzach.

Once we sat in our chairs, I focused on the altar just like I focused on the plant Thursday night. Nothing happened. Nada. So, I focused on a shelf that until recently held earthly objects. This I felt but nothing happened. Nada. So far, not so good.

I was then struck by a thought. The goal was to astral project with my partner and see each other's astral form. So, I focused on her. Immediately, I found myself in a maze made of hedges. The hedges looked very much like this picture and about that height to me. I could have risen ever so slightly to see over them. However, there was no need. Working the maze was easy. At the end of the maze, I traveled through a tunnel of dirt.

I found myself looking at a not so densely wooded forest area. It was twilight. I saw my partner as a dark, nearly black, form amongst the trees. From my vision, she would have been standing in the center of the picture to the right in that small grassy cleaning. Several times she says felt me nearby but never saw me. The feelings were fleeting. From my perspective, I could see her movement but could never get close.

I am amazed at how these too pictures so closely match what I experienced.

My conscious mind thought I was making all this up as this was not the plan.

Upon my return, I found myself in a watery area. It was a natural setting but dolphin-like creatures came up out of the water. Unlike the picture, each had a mate going the opposite direction. This reminded me of Pisces. Though, I did not dwell on that.

Again, my conscious mind felt like I was not projecting.

I then found myself back in my temple space. Only it was on fire, lots of fire. The walls and ceiling were engulfed. My conscious mind did not interfere at all. Soon I realized my temple space was in my home, outdoors and vast. Yes, I realize those are contradictions. Work with me people! The hedge rows were on fire! I am not sure if these were stacked dried branches or the maze hedge rows previously mentioned.

 

There was smoke. There was an intense visual. I felt no heat, no fear. It never occurred to me that I may be burned. My very calm mind asked, "So, what is with all the fire?" A voice answered, "This is the energy you bring to ritual. You brought fire. Astral projection is air." Fair enough. The voice was not my normal internal voice. It was not my voice of wisdom nor my HGA nor the Helpful Deity. It may have been an angel's voice or the voices of the spirits called to help the ritual.

I say angels because I called upn the earthly angels of Sandalphon and Uriel at some point. I had done this with the plant projection and things worked out well. So I called upon them in "mid-flight" here as well. I never saw them in a form I would recognized in either instance. Why it could have been the called upon spirits from ritual should be obvious.

I returned to my body before my partner. Apparently, she'd been singing with a centaur in the forest. I waited until she came back, banished and closed the rite. 

We confirmed that we both of us went to the forest through a tunnel of dirt. Our descriptions of the forest were a strong match. In talking, we came up with some questions.

Was the watery place an earthly version of the qabalistic path of Pisces? Was the fiery event analogous to the path of Shin? Since we both clearly stated the desire to project upon this earthly plane and we both descended into the earth through a tunnel, where did we start from? Obviously, it was 'above' where we wound up. 

Most oddly, after we exhausted our ritual critique, I mentioned that I had a strong desire for a chocolate milkshake. She said that she had just been thinking of ice cream. As a rule, we do not socialize. We simply work together and send a few very friendly texts from time to time. This time, we went to Foster's Freeze and she bought me a shake and she had a root beer float. We talked about the ritual some more and made plans for repeating this one with one slight twist in the ritual. As we discussed this, I privately thought how great it is that we live in a country where we can openly discuss magick in a Foster's Freeze.

When I think of the power of a single candle flame and realize how much flame I created in that ritual, I am a bit taken aback. The former My Gal told me that when we first met and shared a CM requiem ritual my mentor did for his mentor, the energy I threw out at the sign of the enterer almost knocked her over. Being a magician means being on guard for flattery. Such things are dangerous. So, I never accepted her statement. I erred on the other side and chalked it up to her miss perceptions or her idealized view of myself. Now, I'm not so sure.

Some Astral Work

I haven't been taking care of my very humble back yard plants very much. When my back goes out and I take the pain medication all ambition goes away. The plants suffer right along with my house keeping. This bought was a bit hard psychologically as well. I felt like I would never recover. Pain can do that to you.

The weather is cooling and so the plants are more forgiving. A couple of weeks ago they were mad. MAD. I know that sounds nutty but my plants do have a way of communicating with me. I had a hard time believing it when the former My Gal said they talked to her. Sorry babe. I believe now.

Last night, I went out to water them and all was well. They hummed with life. It was like walking into a different world, my own private wardrobe. I marveled out how I could feel all this life and how I can 'hear' their moods. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I had help. There was one particular plant that facilitated the communication. I began to wonder if it could help with other forms of psychic experience. Skrying it occurred to me, as well as making incense.

As I went to bed, I meditated at my normal portal with a twist. I used a pentagram to invoke each element and then focused on the plant. It took some work. It took some time. Then, I was saw all kinds of things. I saw forests, vegetation at a lake scene, cactus areas, hillsides and a host of natural scenes all focused on the plant life. Some of these were visions. Some of the time I was astrally there.

There was a brief period where I perceived myself to experience earth of Assiah, air of Assiah, water of Assiah and Fire of Assiah. The air realm had images much like the wings in Crowley's Thoth tarot. Fascinating.

This all came about because of that plant. I have every plan to explore more.

Gordon is Giving Away a House, a Car and a Chimpmunk

Well, not really...

However, he is giving away a bunch of free stuff. Follow this link to find out how to get your loot!

Leo Focus

I've been trying to reconcile what I've found on the path of Teth (Leo) on the tree. This place is a huge tug of war between Mars and Jupiter.

The Leo personality ranges the extreme forms of Mercy and Severity. This emotional tug of war results in the extremes of confidence and insecurity, drive and weakness. This is our battle. One of our most positive traits is that of determination. It also drives people crazy that want to or need to stand in our way.

In my meditation last night, I focused on how I can reconcile those extremes. What came to me was the idea of focus. If we focus on the entirety on the goal of the moment, we can live between those extremes. This may be why the tool of the Leo is discipline. We need to cultivate that discipline and focus on the task at hand.

Perhaps in that, is our answer.

What is Courage?

In a recent post, Kenan highlighted what he feels is an act of Christian courage. Apparently, a pastor came out as either gay or as being understanding of the gay point of view that sexual orientation is not a choice. Apparently, his view point could have come as a shock to many of his followers. I am not going to comment on this man as I have no idea where he is coming from, what he's said in the past, his orientation or anything else about him.

The post did take a stand that this man was courageous for doing what he did. It led me to ponder the nature of courage.

Fictional Minister Number 1 is a good man in every respect. He is gay. He preaches from the pulpit that homosexuality is wrong while secretly having gay lovers. Is it courageous to preach what he feels is the truth even when he can't practice according to his words no matter how hard he tries? Is it courageous after years of failing to change his own behavior to change his mind and support another point of view? Would it be more courageous to simply admit he is an abomination as he has taught homosexuals are and walk away from the church? I could easily argue all three points.

Ficitonal Minister Number 2 is a good man in every respect and preaches against gays as being ungodly. He says they should be cast out of the church. His son admits he is gay. Is it courageous to hold onto his son and love his son despite the words Number 2 spews from the pulpit? Or, is it courageous to disown his son, no matter how much he loves him, so that the son cannot 'infect' other members of the congregation? I could argue both ways.

Kenan also mentions the pedophilia cover up in the Catholic Church. Given that the Catholic Church honestly believes that an ordained priest is the only one that connect his congregants to the body and blood of Christ and such a connection is vital to one's eternal spirituality, is it courageous for them to do the math? The argument can go like this. We unfortunately sacrifice a few victims to these priests but since they serve five or six hundred people a weekend through mass we find the greater good is to hide their sin. One priest with 5 victims out of 500 parishioners is 495 souls to the good. Those five are not all lost but may be faithful despite the priest's actions. Does it take more courage to out the priests, defrock them and have them jailed? Or, does it take more courage to sacrifice the few for the many given the belief system?

The greater good doctrine is a trap for most religions and spiritual practices. It isn't just a Catholic or Christian problem. Which choice would you make? Would you view it as siding with evil for the greater good is more courageous than jeopardizing the souls of so many by withdrawing priestly services? Anyone that is a pagan leader or a leader of any spiritual group should decide such questions before they begin. In the midst of such situations one has a tendency to make irrational emotionally charged decisions.

I submit that what you feel is courageous versus cowardly has more to do with your perception of the core issue(s) involved and debated than what is truly courageous.

So what is courage in these situations? I have no idea.